Strangely, perhaps, I’ve written little about events pertaining directly to Deb, Ken or Chris, who was known as Kip back then. It’s possible we had minimal interactions during their early teen years and, as a result, I have not retained many memories of what we did together. I do recall vacations: days when we returned to Hanover and Ithaca. Of course, there were also the returns to Ohio to spend time with either my parents or with the Swanks. Before the kids were born and Karen and I still lived “back east,” the two of us made several trips each year, not only every summer, but also at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. A half-century later, they all blur together.
But what about the non-vacation-trip time together? Each of us seemed to have lived our lives independently. Other than for major chores, such as building that patio around the swimming pool, I don’t remember what I did with either of the boys or Deb. I had always “done my own thing” while growing up. I spent minimal time with my mother and father, actually no time at all! This may have led to my not spending time with my own three offspring. I gave them the same none-interaction opportunities I had received. They each did their own thing; Karen and I did ours, either alone or together.
Deb had theater and horses. She acted in, or directed several, one-act plays. She seemed to enjoy it, but if I recall, she, too, wanted to be “alone” at times. After the plays, she not infrequently came home to spend the rest of the evening in her room, not venturing out to the after-the-play parties, even when fellow actors came to the house to encourage her to join with them. I never learned why she did what she did, or why she felt what she was feeling. Perhaps, I should have been more interactive in her life. However, I was proud when I saw what she accomplished in Blithe Spirit. It was no surprise that she decided to major in theater in college. I wasn’t sure about what the opportunities might be for her future “employment,” but I did not object to the liberal education such an approach might yield. We visited both the Mellon Institute in Pittsburgh and Syracuse University as the preferred places for her to start her career in the theater. For her performance portfolio, she chose a scene from Belle of Amherst. It seemed highly appropriate, what with Emily’s grave downtown.
Deb also had a few other distinct approaches to life. I was not displeased when I read her letter-to-the-editor, which appeared in the Amherst newspaper, about sex education in her high school, although I did encourage her to tell me about future postings before they were printed in the newspaper.
Ken had his musical interests matching Deb’s theatrical life. There had been Tom Sawyer in which he was a success. Like the original Twain character, Ken seemed to be equally innovative and independent. It wasn’t until his Houston period that he ventured into Amal and the Night Visitors and Oklahoma! At an early age, he also began his “creative” projects: past-times including woodcarving, basic electronics, and sewing hand-puppets. He also liked to argue. With his devotion to that activity and to solving three-dimensional puzzles, he was an incarnation of my own father. This may have been why he and I had a difficult relationship until we both “grew up.” I tried to avoid debating all of the topics he seemed to bring to the dinner table. Most of the time, Kip and Deb fell into his well-planned traps that resulted in almost daily conflicts. Quite often, the ones he had with Kip turned more violent.
Kip was more “physical” in his interactions, except with the Kilmer girls, with whom he shared a love of horses, but not quite as well-developed a love as Deb had. He and Ken roamed with the Cook boys who lived across the field from us. I’m not sure what “adventures” they had but matches and fires seemed to play a significant role in what they may have done together. He was also able to thwart our directions from time to time. The classic example occurred when he was told not to go out the door of his bedroom where he had been confined, because of something he had done. We were dismayed when he telephoned us from the Cook’s house, saying he had not gone through the door, but had crawled out his second-story bedroom window to leave the house without going counter to our direct instruction!
All three of them had acceptable academic interests, but with differences. Deb loved to read books and spent much of her time in her room doing that. Ken was more into manufacturing his three-dimensional projects than he was with reading. Kip, unfortunately, began elementary school in Amherst at a time when open classrooms and “feelings” were extensively promoted by the University’s School of Education, which had a direct impact on the town’s school system. When he had to retrieve canned goods from our basement, I was never sure if he had read the label or chosen them based upon the illustration he observed on the package.
Yes, each one had a different approach to life. At times I wondered if they really were siblings.