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Time

As you know, I begin every homily with a question. Today’s question is a very easy one, even if not everyone will agree with the answer. My question is this: What time is it? Yes, what time is it; right now? It’s OK for you to look at your watch. My watch says it’s 9:16. But you might not agree; I’m usually about two or three minutes fast. But let’s say it is 9:16. That answer applies only if you live in Houston … not if you live in either New York City or Los Angles. That’s the strange thing about time. It’s all relevant to a frame of reference.

Have you ever considered time, itself, is really a human invention. Time is needed only by human beings. Plants and animals don’t need to measure time. They can get along well without minutes and hours. So why do we need “time” anyway? What does time really measure?

Well, for one thing – time measures “change.” We humans observe that everything in the world changes; nothing stays the same. If there were no changes, there would be no need for anything called “time.” Which is why God doesn’t require “time,” why God is “timeless,” why God is “eternal,” existing outside of time. The reasoning for God being eternal or timeless, goes something like this.

We believe God is “perfect.” If God is, indeed, “perfect,” God cannot improve and become better, because if God were able to become better, then God would not have been perfect and therefore would not have been God in the first place. And so God cannot change, cannot get either better or worse. And since God cannot change, God exists with no reference to time. And so we say God was, is and will be – all at the same time. The Israelites called God, Yahweh: I am who am, the changeless God, the timeless God, the God who exists forever.

But Adam and Eve, and all the rest of us, know that things do change; that each one of us human beings is born, grows up, and dies. We see plants sprout from the earth and then die each year. And if we look carefully enough, and long enough, we even see that rocks can erode away because of rain and wind. We recognize the whole earth and everything on it will change. And so, we ask: When will it all end? When will the time come when there is no more change; when there is no more earth; when there is no more “time?” When does “time” end and eternity begin?

The followers of Jesus asked that question. And Jesus said to them: “There will be signs in the sun, the moon, and the stars, and on earth nations will be in dismay, perplexed by the roaring of the sea and the waves. People will die of fright in anticipation of what is coming upon the world, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken. And then they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. But when these signs begin to happen, stand erect and raise your heads because your redemption is at hand.”

Today, we once more begin a new liturgical year. And here on the first Sunday of Advent, we again focus on “eschatology,” the end times, and the “Parousia, the Second Coming, the return of Christ. Although we do this each and every year, these words, for some people, take on a greater sense of urgency depending upon circumstances in their current world. For some, this occurred two decades ago when we began a new millennium. Throughout the ages people have been superstitious about years with certain numbers. The year thirteen hundred was one of them. Only it was not then 1300 A.D., but rather thirteen-hundred years after the founding of the City of Rome.

As you know, the calendar we use today is based upon the year thought be the one when Christ was born. Before the change was made, the calendar was based upon the year in which the City of Rome was founded, which was 753 years before the birth of Christ. The change from the old to the new calendar occurred in the middle of the Sixth Century after the birth of Christ. So, by changing the calendar, the year 1300 after the founding of the City of Rome, became 547 A.D. and disaster was avoided.

What happened when 1300 A.D. came around? Well, rather than changing to a new calendar, the pope, who was Boniface VIII, blessed the year 1300 A.D. and declared it to be a Jubilee Year, the first such year ever declared by a pope. Throughout the centuries, other popes have declared other years to be “Jubilee Years.” Back in 2000 A.D., Pope John Paul II declared it to be the Year of Jubilee of the Holy Spirit. However, even without a formal declaration for a Jubilee Year of the Holy Spirit, we can still begin a consideration of the time of Advent as being a time for the Holy Spirit.

Every Advent season is, of course, a time for waiting. In fact, it is a time for double waiting … our waiting for the celebration of the incarnation of Christ, the time when our God took on human flesh in order to lead us back to him, and the time of our Second Waiting, our second Advent, the time of waiting for the return of Jesus the Christ. Just what are we to do with this time of waiting?

Are we to “invest” our time, as if it were a commodity like money left by the master to his servants? But no matter how hard we might try to invest our time; we cannot add one moment to it. Are we to “save” time as we are urged to do by all of the labor-saving devises we see advertised on tv or social media? I don’t know about you, but the more time I try to save, the less time I seem to have to do those things I really want to do.

Or am I to use God’s gift of time wisely? Am I to recognize that I cannot really do anything about the time which has passed, nor can I do much about the time that is to come? I cannot change the past; I cannot control the future. Unlike God who exists equally in the past, present and future, all I have available is God’s gift of the ever present, ever holy “now.” What I need to do is recognize, and cherish, this gift of the “nowness” of my life.

Now, today, this day, is the time for me to relax and smell the roses. Yes, today is the day to recognize the gifts God has given me. To do nothing but thank Him. However, it is also the day for me the share with others these gifts He has given me. Today is the day for improving relationships with friends and relatives; not to be chained by what has happened in the past; not to be put off by anticipated difficulties of tomorrow.

Right now is the time for me to do whatever I can in order for me to be closer to God. Now is the time to put aside thoughts of – “I should have done this” or “I ought to do that” and instead, actually begin to do it. I need to remember that time is more than the invention of human beings but rather it is God’s gift of the here and now. Now is the time, the moment, for the Coming of Christ into my life. Now is the time, the moment, to realize that the Reign of God has begun. Now is the time, the moment, to journey with the Spirit of Jesus towards God the Father.

And so it is that I ask you once more: What time is it? And if you look at the time piece on your wrist for an answer, you are looking in the wrong direction. Instead, I would urge you to look into your heart, for there you will find not a time piece but rather God’s peace for your time. Indeed, may the Peace of God be with you now and forever.

First Sunday of Advent: November 30, 1997
Jeremiah 33:14-16; 1 Thessalonians 3:12-42; Luke 21:25-28; 34-36

Dump Pile

Where in your house is your dump-pile? You know the place I mean. It’s where the mail and the bills go before you have a chance to pay them. It’s the place where the kids put their homework and all their other school papers. The place where you stack the books you mean to read or return to the library. It’s the place you go to first when something is missing around the house. Everyone has a dump pile. Ours is the right side of the kitchen table, up against the wall, so things won’t fall off when the pile gets too high. So. the question for today is: Where is your dump pile?

Perhaps you might think this is a strange way to begin a homily reflection. But when I read those lines about “Every valley shall be filled and every mountain and hill shall be made low,” that’s the image which jumps into my mind. The mountains and valleys of stuff piled on our kitchen table just waiting for someone to level them off. I keep waiting for all of it to go away by magic, but it just sits there, waiting for me to do something about it. I need to sort it out, to figure out where each piece actually belongs.

It’s with this image of those waiting mountains and valleys I want to begin today’s reflection. The focus of this reflection is a simple one: it is active waiting. Not passive waiting, but active waiting. It’s not about straightening out the dump pile on the table; but rather, it’s about straightening out the dump pile inside of me. It’s about active waiting and about preparing the way for the coming of Christ.

We all realize, of course, that Advent is a time of waiting, of preparation. The question is: What are we waiting for? What are we preparing for? Are we waiting for the birth of Christ on December 25th? The answer to that question is “no.” We are not waiting for the birth of Christ. He was born into the world some two-thousand years ago. He will not be born in another three weeks.

Then what are we waiting for? Is it for our Messiah? No. Our Messiah, our Savior, began his ministry to his people sometime between the years 27 and 29 A.D. How do we know this? Our gospel reading for today begins with a history lesson. We are told that John the Baptist began his preaching: “…. In the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar, when Pontius Pilate was governor of Judea, and Herod was tetrarch of Galilee, … during the high priesthood of Annas and Caiaphas …” These are real people. They are part of history.

And so back in about 28 A.D., John the Baptist proclaimed that the time of the Messiah, the Savior of Israel, was now at hand. Yes, the Messiah came to his people some two-thousand years ago. We are not waiting for our Messiah.

Then what are we waiting for, here, today? We are waiting for two events. We are awaiting the return of Christ, the return he promised us when he left his disciples many centuries ago. At each celebration of the mass, we continue to profess this belief when we proclaim such words as: “Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again.”

We do not know when this will happen. But, as Christians, we are sure it will happen. In the meantime, we are waiting for another event. And this one we expect much sooner.

This event is one for which we need to prepare actively. We await, we expect, the coming of the fullness of Christ within each of us. For most of us, we are not awaiting the coming of Christ into us for the first time. That happened at the moment of our baptism. It was then that we put on Christ.

Yet, the fullness of Christ is another matter. Here we need to prepare for his coming. Here we need to make room for him. It is this preparation that Advent is all about: Advent, the coming of Jesus into our heart and our lives, completely. Here is where we need to participate in active waiting.

None of us likes to wait. Much of the time we seem to be forced into passive waiting. And passive waiting brings on impatience. Think about the last time you had to wait in traffic on I-10 or I-45. This passive waiting is not pleasant. Each of us knows there are better ways to expend effort.

There are other times when we are forced to wait passively, not to be able to do anything about the outcome. How about those times when you are waiting for the results of an exam you took at school? You know you can’t do anything about changing the grade you’re going to get. Or what about waiting to be notified whether you are going to get the new job you applied for? You’ve completed all of the interviews; now all you can do is wait. We don’t like “passive” waiting, when we feel helpless, when we must depend on others for the outcome.

On the other hand, there are also times of active waiting. There is the farmer who plants the seeds and must wait for them to grow. Yet the farmer’s waiting can not be passive. There is a need to supply water and fertilizer, if the crops are to grow. And even if they have been planted in the fall and there is a need to wait-out the winter months, the wait can not be passive. There is equipment to fix. There are things to do over the winter months.

Waiting for the birth of a child is even a better example of active waiting. There is the nursery to paint, the crib to buy, the diapers to get, and the clothes to find.

Even our examples of passive waiting can become ones of active waiting. Stuck in that morning traffic, some people listen to music on their i-phone, or plan out their day ahead. Waiting for the results of an exam at school doesn’t mean you quit doing your schoolwork until you get your report card; at least, it better not mean that, if you want to get a better report card the next time. And waiting for the response to an interview, doesn’t mean you quit your old job before you have another one. And if you don’t have a current job, it doesn’t mean you stop looking for one until you’ve heard about the one you’ve applied for.

You see, even passive waiting can become active waiting. Our model for our active waiting for Christ is given to us today by John the Baptist. John did not sit around in the desert just waiting for the Messiah. He engaged in active waiting. He went around the region proclaiming a baptism of repentance which led to the forgiveness of sins. John demanded that his listeners change their hearts.

This is what repentance is all about: a change of heart. The Greek word (which many of you have heard before this) is: “metanoia.” A deep-down transformation, an interior change of heart. A turning away from what is killing us. A turning toward those actions which will save us.

In our first reading we heard Baruch, the secretary and companion of the prophet Jeremiah, urge his listeners to “… take off your robe of mourning and misery; put on the splendor of glory from God forever: wrapped in the cloak of justice from God.” Baruch paraphrases the words of the prophet Isaiah who came some two-hundred years before him when he says: “For God has commanded that every lofty mountain be made low and that the age-old depths and gorges be filled to level ground”.

Luke in his gospel goes directly to Isaiah. In Luke we hear that it is not God who will do the work of leveling mountains and filling up valleys but rather He commanded his own listeners to do the labor, themselves. Luke instructs those listening to him with the words: “prepare the way of the Lord.” Baruch may be in favor of a passive waiting, of letting God do everything, but Luke is in favor of an active waiting, of our doing something to prepare the way for the Lord’s arrival.

A few minutes ago I began this reflection by asking about the mountains and valleys of stuff in the dump piles in your house. Yet each of us has our own mountains and valleys inside of us. Mountains of self-created obstacles. Valleys of self-created depression or despair.

In our second reading, Saint Paul reminded the Philippians that: God “… who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.” God has not created the mountains and valleys within me. Instead, He has begun the good work in me and will stay with me throughout my life.

I, myself, am called upon to level off my own mountains, those high-rising obstacles, and to fill up my own valleys of doubt. No one else can take care of the mountains and valleys in the dump pile on my kitchen table. Only I can sort through this mess and determine what needs to be discarded and what needs to be put in its proper place.

No one else can take care of the mountains and valleys within me. I cannot wait passively for them to disappear. I must be active while I wait for the coming of the fullness of Christ within me. It is up to each one of us to ” … prepare the way of the Lord … [so that everyone] shall see the salvation of God.”

Second Sunday of Advent; (December 4, 1988)
Baruch 5:1-9; Phillippians 1:4-6; Luke 3:1-6

Mary and John

Well, here we are at the Second Sunday in Advent, the time of preparation for the coming of the Christ-child once more into our lives. Can you really believe that it’s only three weeks until Christmas? And since it is this special season of the year, I have an Advent question for you. It’s this: Whom do you use as a model as you prepare for Christmas? In other words, when you think of Christmas, what person do you associate with the holiday? I’m going to give all of you the benefit of the doubt and assume that the first person you thought of was Jesus! So, let’s go to the second person.

For little kids, or perhaps the child in each of us, there is always Santa Claus. And if holiday shopping has gotten you down, I suppose you might identify with Ebenizer Scrooge. However, there are two people that the church offers to us as special models at this time of the year: the Blessed Virgin Mary – and John the Baptist. The focus for today’s homily is to be on these two people and how they might be models for us, not only during the season of Advent, but for other times as well.

Today’s gospel reading, as well as the one for next Sunday, speak about John the Baptist, who proclaims the coming of the adult Christ. The gospel readings for next Thursday, when we celebrate the feast of the Immaculate Conception, and the one for the Fourth Sunday of Advent speak of the announcement to Mary of the coming of the Christ-child into the world.

So it is that Advent, this season of expectation, is both a time of the Announcement of the birth of Jesus and the coming of the kingdom and a time of the proclamation of the return of Christ and the fulfillment of the kingdom. Advent, then, is a time for us to consider both Mary and John, to see what they have to say to us about preparing for the coming of Jesus the Christ. With John, the focus might be on our need for “change”. For Mary, the focus might be on our need for “acceptance”.

Let’s begin with John the Baptist. He came proclaiming our need for repentance, our need to change our lives, to re-form our lives, for this is indeed, what repentance means: to change, to form again, to re-form. John is a man of action. He was that way from the first moment we heard about him, as he leapt for joy in the womb of Elizabeth, his mother, when she first met Mary, after the Annunciation by the angel Gabriel that Mary would bear the Son of God.

As for Mary, herself, what was her reaction to the angel’s announcement? In the words of Luke, she whispered: “I am the maidservant of the Lord. Let it be done to me as you say.” So, while John is our model for Advent-change, Mary remains our model for Advent-acceptance.

But what does it mean if I am to use John, the man proclaiming change, the man of action, for my advent-model? Following him, would it mean that I must give up my destructive habits? Would I need to break off those harmful relationships that hinder my growth towards God? Following John, must I work for social change? Must I volunteer for community action and service? Must I do what I can to change my life and help to improve the lives of those around me?

And what if I am to use Mary, the woman who accepts without hesitation the Word of God into her own being, the woman of prayer, as my advent-model? Following her, would it mean that I must accept conditions or events that I cannot control? Would I need to embrace and affirm a person with whom I have been estranged? Following Mary, would I be called to let go of past hurts and internal pain? Must I pray for the Peace of God to help me, or those I love, get through a time of difficulty?

During Advent are we called to walk with John or with Mary? Or perhaps with both of them, as two companions at our sides. Is this what Saint Paul encourages us to do in his prayer for the Christians of Philippi when he says: “And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God.”

Are we called to love with both understanding and experience, with the “acceptance” of Mary and with John’s “call to change”? Is our conscience to be clear and our conduct blameless: is our inner life of prayer to be balanced with our outer life of action? Do we truly learn the value of things that really matter? For if we do, we will, indeed, be prepared “up to the very day of Christ.”

Not only during this Advent, but perhaps throughout our life, we have the opportunity to walk with both John and Mary – until the day comes when: “Every valley shall be filled and every mountain and hill shall be made low. The winding roads shall be made straight, and the rough ways made smooth, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”

Second Sunday of Advent; December 4, 1994
Baruch 5:1-9; Phillippians 1:4-6; Luke 3:1-6

Rejoice

Today’s question involves observation and a little bit of Church history. My question is this: why is the third candle of Advent, pink? Why is the candle we lighted today on the Advent wreath, a different color than the ones used for the other three Sundays before Christmas?

And no, Christ the Good Shepherd did not run out of purple candles and had to substitute a pink one! All Catholic Advent wreaths have one pink and three purple candles.

It’s because of the Second Reading we heard today from Saint Paul’s letter to the Philippians. It begins with the instruction: “Brothers and sisters: Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!”

The Latin word for “rejoice” is “gaudete.” And in the early Church, the third Sunday of Advent is known as “Gaudete Sunday.” “Rejoice Sunday.” It’s also necessary for us to recall that the four-week period of Advent is known as “the Little Lent.” The early Church prepared for the celebration of Easter with the six-weeks of Lent: a time of reflection, a time of repentance, a time calling for a change of heart, while waiting for the great celebration of the Resurrection of God with us.

In a similar manner, the Church used Advent as a four-week preparation for Christmas, the great celebration of the Incarnation of God with us: Emmanuel. In our modern world we may have forgotten that Advent is, like Lent, a time for reflection, a time for repentance, a time calling for a change of heart.

We tend to overlook the change in liturgical colors which are to remind us that Advent is a shortened Lent. For, like Lent, we use purple for our vestments and for the decorations in the Church. Except for the third Sunday, when we are reminded by the lighter shade of purple, by the color pink, that even in the midst of our “little Lent,” of our repentance and change of heart, even now, we are also called to “Rejoice.”

And next weekend, we will carry in the fourth candle, another purple one, to remind us that we are still in Advent, still in a time for the preparation of the celebration of the arrival of the Christ-child.

However, as many of us have noted, next Sunday is also December 24th, Christmas eve. And yes, both are days when the Church requires us to attend Mass. Next weekend, the 5:30 mass on Saturday evening as well as the 8:00 am and 10:00 am masses on Sunday morning will celebrate the Fourth and final Sunday of Advent. And yes, you heard me correctly. There will be only two morning masses for the celebration of the fourth Sunday of Advent. On Sunday afternoon we’ll celebrate the first of the Nativity liturgies. And yes, there will be a Midnight Mass, as usual. And yes, the expectation of the Bishop is that each of us will attend two masses: one for the Fourth Sunday of Advent and one for Christmas.

Next weekend, some may say that we have two “obligations” for attendance at mass. Others may view it as having two “opportunities” to celebrate that our Resurrected God and our Incarnated God is with us.

It is because of these “opportunities” that we are able to celebrate Gaudete Sunday, Rejoice Sunday, here in the middle of Advent. We are able to join with the Israelites we heard about in today’s First Reading from the Book of the Prophet Zephaniah: “Shout for joy, O daughter Zion! Sing joyfully, O Israel! Be glad and exult with all your heart, O daughter Jerusalem! … The Lord, your God is in your midst, a mighty savior; he will rejoice over you with gladness, and renew you in his love.”

Yes, today, on this Third Sunday of Advent, we are reminded to look forward to the Joy of Christmas. Some would say the “Joy of the Holiday Season.” Some would say that the entire period from Thanksgiving weekend until Christmas morning is a Season for Joy. But those who celebrate the joy of such a “Holiday Season,” focus on the secular aspects of these weeks – weeks devoted to consuming, of being consumers – of buying presents and expecting presents in return.

However, there are those of us who, instead, celebrate the joy, not of a time of “Happy Holidays,” but rather, a time of “Merry Christmas” – or if you’re English, a “Happy Christmas.” This is the time for the preparation for the coming of the Christ-child into our hearts and homes and for the marvelous Twelve Days of Christmas from December 25th until January 6th, the Epiphany of our Lord. A time not for the secular joy of consuming, but for the divine joy of giving.

We heard about such a joy in our gospel reading today when we listened to the urging of John the Baptist about the coming joy of the arrival of the Messiah. John’s words give us a message to ponder when we consider what the results of being joyful can bring about: When we are filled with divine joy and not secular joy; when we are moved by giving rather than getting, it is then that we – like the crowds who asked him what they can do – it is then that we hear John’s words: “Whoever has two cloaks should share with the person who has none. And whoever has food should do likewise.”

And like the tax-collectors who asked what they should do, we can hear and practice John’s reply: “Stop collecting more than what is prescribed.” We, too, can refrain from defrauding and cheating others. We, too, can become people of integrity and honesty in our dealings with others.

And like the soldiers, the force of authority in the ancient world, like them – we can hear and practice John’s reply: “Do not practice extortion, do not falsely accuse anyone, and be satisfied with your wages.” We, too, can refrain from being over-bearing and manipulative of those we serve. We, too, can put proper constraints on our aggressive behavior and be satisfied with our lot in life.

When John the Baptist was asked if he were the Messiah, the anointed one, the Christ – it was then that he professed his humility, his humanness as he awaited the coming of the one who would baptize them all “with the Holy Spirit and fire.”

And so, here we are in the middle of Advent, the middle of our waiting for the coming of Christ. Here as we await the celebration of the day when God took on human form to join with us in his kingdom on earth. Here as we await the celebration of the day when humanity will take on a divine form and join with him in the final coming of his kingdom, the final day for us to rejoice and to celebrate Emmanuel: God with Us.

Third Sunday of Advent: December 17, 2006
Zephaniah 3:14-18a; Phillipians 4:4-7; Luke 3:10-18

Elizabeth

Liturgically speaking today is a very strange one. On the one hand, it’s the Fourth Sunday of Advent. Yet it’s also December 24th and Christmas Eve. Usually, we have more time between the last Sunday before Christmas and Christmas, itself, to prepare for the holiday. But here we are: with the celebration of Christmas finally upon us. Some of us, however, may say that it’s none too soon; that we have had enough of the preparation for Christmas, what with all of the shopping, both in malls and over the Internet, with all of the rushing about.

However, there may be others who are not yet quite finished. Between the end of mass this morning and Christmas mass this afternoon or evening, there are still those last minute things to do in order to get ready for company, for those visitors who have joined us, or will join us, over the next few days. Yes, this is the time for visitors. In fact, the Fourth Sunday of Advent might be called “Visitors’ Sunday”. So it’s appropriate for the focus for today’s reflection to be on visitors, on hospitality for those who briefly share our lives.

To begin our reflection, we might recall today’s gospel reading and a biblical woman who could be our model for hospitality towards visitors. Normally this is the time of year to reflect on Mary; but I have another woman in mind for today: Elizabeth. Elizabeth, whom Mary visited.

Now then, for those of you who have been wondering when would I get around to my ususal Sunday homily question, here it is. And you don’t need to answer out loud. My question is this: How do you, yourself, prepare for visitors? For those who enter your life for a brief time and then go off again?

If you’re a housewife, do you spend a lot of time dusting and putting stuff back in place? And if you’re the husband, or the kids, do you find yourself being told not to mess up what has already been hidden away? Well for all of us who have difficulty in preparing for the arrival of either friends or strangers, perhaps we need to take a closer look at someone who might be the patron saint for visitors: Elizabeth.

Her story begins when Zechariah, her husband, was serving as a priest in the temple in Jerusalem. Both Zechariah and Elizabeth were, according to Luke, “advanced in years,” which means they were probably somewhere in their sixties! Then, one day while Zechariah was alone in the inner sanctuary of the temple, the angel Gabriel appeared to him and said that Elizabeth was going to conceive and bear a son. Like any normal man who has a sixty-year-old wife, Zechariah didn’t believe the angel. As a result of his lack of belief, he was literally struck speechless by the angel. So when Elizabeth became pregnant, he wasn’t able to tell her what had been predicted.

Have you ever wondered what effect all of this might have had on Elizabeth? There she is. In her sixties and pregnant. And her husband seems to have had some kind of stroke and can’t speak. I would guess that she is under at least a little bit of stress!

From a human standpoint, the chances are that Mary, too, was under some stress when she arrived at the home of Elizabeth. After all, the same angel who had appeared to Zechariah had also come to her. And now here she was, an unwed, pregnant teenager. It’s likely her own parents may have lacked a complete understanding of what had happened. Instead of staying in Nazareth with them, she proceeds, according to Luke, “in haste” to her relative’s home in Judah. The angel had told her that Elizabeth was also pregnant. Perhaps Mary needed reassurance from this older woman that miracles do happen.

And so we come to today’s gospel reading. What does Elizabeth do when they meet? As I suggested, Elizabeth probably had her own stress. But she seems to immediately put it aside and offers comfort and a triple blessing to her young relative. How does she manage to accomplish this? Again, according to Luke, Elizabeth was “filled by the holy spirit” and cried out her greetings and her blessings.

Having been moved by the Holy Spirit, Elizabeth has a different perception. She does not see an unwed, pregnant teenager there before her. Rather she sees the woman whom she calls “the mother of my lord.” With Elizabeth as a model, is it possible for us to be filled with that same Holy Spirit and to have our own perceptions radically changed when we see those who visit us? Those who come into our lives?

One of the basic questions of our faith is this: can I see the Christ-child in those who visit me? When I am under my own stress, can I still offer comfort and blessings to those who come into my presence? Can I welcome them?

Although I began this reflection by focusing on visitors in our homes at this special time of the year, perhaps we also need to think about others who only momentarily come into our daily lives. Those strangers who enter our lives where we work, where we shop, where we learn, where we play. We speak of hospitality in our homes; but what about hospitality in our lives? Some of us might be called to be hospitable in large ways; but small ways are equally important.

Our first reading for today reminds us that it is not always the big places and large events in our life that are the most important. The prophesy we heard about in the first reading from Micah, reminds us that God chose, not the great city of Jerusalem, but rather insignificant Bethlehem, for the birthplace of his son. His son who was to rule not as a king, but rather one who would be like a lowly shepherd. And so, according to the prophet Micah, nothing is too insignificant to be used for the work of God. No place, too small; no task, too menial; no person, too unworthy.

Our second reading from Saint Paul’s letter to the Hebrews reminds us that it is not mere ritual which God desires but rather our active participation. It is not ritual sacrifices and offerings by the fire of holocausts, but rather “doing the will of God” that is desired.

And what is the will of God? That’s what the entire Good News is all about. It’s all about love of God and love of neighbor. About hospitality to strangers. About all who come as visitors into our lives. Yes, there are the visitors we know and the ones we do not know. We tend to help all kinds of visitors in our lives during the season of Advent. And it is right that we do make a special effort at this time of year. But it is equally important to recognize that there are hungry people every day of the year and not just during the days between Thanksgiving and December 25th. It might be easier if gift-giving and hospitality were entirely concentrated on one day a year and we could forget about other people for the remaining three-hundred-sixty-four days.

Yes, when Mary arrived on her doorstep, Elizabeth could have said: “There’s a marvelous inn here in town. I’ll pay for you to stay there.” But instead, Elizabeth opened up her home to this young girl; a place where Mary stayed for three months. Now I am not suggesting that visitors in our homes continue to stay beyond the holiday season; but what if they would? When a visitor stays with us for an extended time, certain accommodations must be made. There must be differences in how we would spend our daily life.

Although many visitors enter and leave our lives, perhaps we are called to make one particular visitor a permanent resident in our life. Accommodating, making room, changing our lives for this one visitor would make it infinitely easier to accommodate other visitors throughout the entire year.

For some people, Jesus as the Christ-child, is only a temporary guest. As quickly after December 25th as possible, he is put away with the strings of lights and all of the decorations. But what if this visitor were to become a permanent resident within us? What accommodations would need to be made if he is to live in our lives on a daily basis? What changes would need to be made if Jesus is not merely a visitor, but a permanent member of the family? How do I prepare for this radical change?

For an approach to an answer, perhaps we need to return to our earlier reflection on Elizabeth and her hospitality, her going beyond her own concerns and her welcoming Mary and the child she carried. Elizabeth did not do it alone. The Holy Spirit came to her and enabled her to recognize the Christ-child within her visitor.
● The Holy Spirit enables us to see the Jesus within others.
● The Holy Spirit enables us to see the Jesus within ourselves.
● The Holy Spirit enables us to have Jesus the Christ as a permanent resident and not just a once-a-year visitor.
Let us pray that the Holy Spirit remains with us as we continue to prepare for the coming of Emmanuel, God with us.

Fourth Sunday of Advent, December 24, 2000
Micah 5:1-4; Hebrews 10:5-10; Luke 1:39-45

Children’s Christmas

(Invite children, grades 1 to 4, to gather around the altar on the floor.)

What are we celebrating today?
Birth of Jesus, Incarnation, God became man

Why did God become man? Why was Jesus born?
To save us. So, we could get to heaven. Came as savior, redeemer. To forgive us, so we could be with God again in His kingdom.

Have you ever broken anything?
Toy, something of mom or dad’s.

Even more important: have you ever broken your promise?
To mom or dad on going to do something or not going to do something; behaving.

When you do something you shouldn’t have done (like breaking something or breaking your promise to behave), have your folks ever given you a “time-out” to think about what you did that hurt someone or something? A “time-out” when you can think about how you might change what you did for the next time, so you won’t do it again; won’t hurt someone again.

That’s what happened a long time ago. God created people. We usually call them Adam and Eve. And because he loved them so much, He wanted them to be with Him all the time.

What do we call that place?
Garden of Eden, paradise, heaven, kingdom of God, kingdom of heaven

But what happened? God’s creatures, Adam and Eve, whom He loved, did something they should not have done. They broke a promise they made to God. And God said: OK, you have to have a “time-out” so you can think about what you did. And when you have thought about it long and hard, you can come back to me and we will live together in paradise, in heaven, in my kingdom.

But something happened next. God had a problem. How was He going to tell us that our “time-out” was over; that we were now forgiven and could join Him in heaven. He tried to tell us but we had a hard time understanding what He said. So before I tell you how He did it, I have another Christmas story to tell you.

Once upon a time there was a farmer. He was a very good and kind man. He had a wife and two children. Now this farmer believed in God, but he wasn’t at all sure about Christmas. He couldn’t figure out why the Son of God was born. And so on Christmas Eve, his wife and the children would go to church to celebrate the birth of the Christ-child, but the farmer would stay home.

Now one Christmas Eve, it was very cold. And the farmer went out to check on the animals in his barn. He saw they were warm and well-fed. But as he was leaving the barn, he saw a flock of birds in the yard. Now this farmer, as I said, was a very good and kind man. He felt sorry for the birds. He knew if they stayed out in the cold during the night they would freeze and die.

He tried to shoo them into the barn where they would be warm and have grain like his animals had. But they flew up into the air. They were frightened by him. He tried to lead them into the barn with a trail of grain, but they ignored him. The farmer was very frustrated because he was very concerned for the birds … and finally he shouted out: “O God, if only I could become a little bird, I could lead all of these other birds into my barn where they would be safe.”

And suddenly, the farmer realized just why God had to become a man; so that He could lead us into His kingdom, where we would be safe. Where we would be saved. God knew we needed to have someone like us who also was like Him. Someone that could teach us and lead us into His kingdom.

And although the farmer couldn’t become a bird to lead the other little birds to safety, God was able to become a man to lead us. But he knew he couldn’t come as an already grown-up man. He couldn’t suddenly appear and have us follow him. Instead, He came as a little baby, one who grew up into a man who became a teacher. And what did he teach us?

He taught us that God is “our Father.” He also taught us our Father has forgiven us; that He wants us back home, with Him in the kingdom of heaven. To be safe with Him. And He summed it all up in that prayer we say; the one that starts with “Our Father who art in heaven …” and the one that says we should forgive others as we have been forgiven.

And that’s what Christmas is all about. It’s about how God has forgiven us. How God has become like us so that we could be saved; we could be safe with him. And He has asked us to forgive one another so that we could all be part of His kingdom. Yes, that’s really what Christmas time is all about. It’s the time for us to forgive one another about all of the past hurts we may have caused. It’s the time to end the “time-out” and return home.

And so you can go back to your folks now; and when you do, I’d like to have you whisper something to them. Will you do it? When you get back, whisper the words “Please forgive me.” And I hope that the big folks can whisper back the words: “I forgive you” – and remember that this is what Christmas, the coming of Christ is all about. I forgive you. Merry Christmas.

Christmas, December 25, 2003
Children’s Lectionary, Scriptures not used directly

Holy Family

To begin, I want to welcome all of our visitors to Christ the Good Shepherd – to all of you who are spending this long Christmas weekend here with family and friends. It’s especially good to have you here this Sunday, the Sunday between Christmas and New Year’s … the Sunday when the church celebrates the Feast of the Holy Family. The readings for today emphasize family relationships, even ones we sometimes might be reluctant to hear. And, as usual, I have a question for you. Actually, there are two of them. They’re straight forward, but the answers may not be easy. The questions are: what is a family and, what is a “holy family?”

In our first reading from the Book of Sirach, we hear about the relationships within a human family – relationships which involve authority, honor and respect. These virtues are ones that prevail in a scriptural holy family … in a family like the one of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Our second reading, taken from a letter of Saint John, also speaks of a family. But in this family, God is the Father who bestows his love on us, his children. We are His children who are capable of growing and changing, of loving one another – until we become more like Him in our years of maturity.

Our gospel reading for today also addresses relationships found within a family. In this case it is, in fact, the specific Holy Family – the one consisting of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. However, upon hearing this story, we may believe it seems like a strange event in their mutual lives. At least it seems strange to me when I look at our modern society in which we tend to protect our children from strangers – and from all forms of external harm … from almost everything and everyone they might meet.

I mean – can you imagine your own family visiting New York City with a tour-group and returning home without your child in plain sight … and not worrying about the twelve-year-old for three whole days!? Evidently people had a different view of what it meant to be an extended family some two thousand years ago … and about trusting that this extended family would care of each other, at all times.

However, the point of the gospel story is not how thoughtless Mary and Joseph might have been by modern standards, but rather the fact that Jesus was dedicated … from the beginning of his life … to the service of God – to doing what God, the Father, had sent him to do for others. And at the same time, for him to recognize his own humanity and to remain with his family until the appropriate moment arrived for him to fulfill the prophecies made about him. As Luke reports: “He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them, and his mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom and age and favor before God and man.”

The four gospel writers tell us no more about the life of the Holy Family of Nazareth. But we can surmise that their relationships mirrored those that make up all holy families. After-all, there is more than the one holy family consisting of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Yes, a family – a holy family – can be composed of the classic father, mother, and single child. A holy family can also have a single parent (mother or father) with one or more kids. A holy family can have birth children, adopted children, foster children or no children. A holy family can have step-parents and half-brothers or half-sisters. A holy family can have grandparents raising their grandchildren with their own child seldom in sight.

In fact, there can also be holy families even without parents or grandparents or aunts and uncles around. There are some who work in an occupation where the members call one another “family.” We can be part of a “family of Christ the Good Shepherd.” Or we can be part of the family of humanity. From time to time, we even hear about a “family of nations.” Each one of these families can, indeed, be a holy family.

A holy family is a set of relationships: not relatives – not just those linked to you by blood or marriage – but by relationships as well: a union of hearts and souls. And what conditions lead to a holy family?

I am sure there are many; but, today, I want to talk about only three of them: authority, obedience, and respect … those virtues we heard about in all three readings for today. However, before you become upset with me for bringing up these virtues, I’d invite you to hear what I mean by these words which have become tarnished by our modern society.

First of all: “authority.” Every family, and especially every family that seeks the blessing of God – every family who desires to be a “holy” family – must recognize the need for “authority.” Now I do not mean a totalitarian regime in which the husband-father controls the thoughts and movements of the wife-mother, the sons and daughters and everyone else living under his roof.

The word authority is related to the word “author.” And what is the role of an author? The author directs and guides the development of the characters in the author’s story. “Authority” offers guidance when events overwhelm us, when we lack direction and need encouragement to return to the path we must follow. Such authority comes from those who have wisdom sufficient to help us recover our way through difficult times.

We seek the authority of God through prayer. We seek divine guidance and help. In a family blessed by God, in a “holy” family, we seek guidance, not only from God, but from those who speak for God: from prophets. And who in our own holy family might these prophets be?

It could be dad. It is often mom. It may be a grandparent who has experienced life and God’s participation in that life. It may even come from young children, who have not lived long, but who, nevertheless, can provide prophetic direction for us. The words of God can even come from teenagers – although, sometimes, the prophecies they offer are not ones the parents would prefer.

And what about “obedience?” In the translation of the gospel we heard today, it was said that Jesus returned from Jerusalem to Nazareth with his parents and was “obedient” to them. What did he do? He listened to them. He really listened to them.

And that is what obedience means. To listen intently. To listen not with the ears alone but with heart and soul. To appreciate what is really being said. To hear the love and concern being expressed, even when the words, themselves, might seem harsh and uncomfortable … when the actions being requested are for my own good but seem to be ones I want to avoid at all costs. In a holy family, authority – the search for guidance and direction – is combined with obedience – a listening that casts the best light possible on what is being said by the one who offers guidance.

And finally, there is “respect” – the partner of obedience. For as obedience is to listen intently, respect is to “see” intently: to look deeply into the character and nature of a person and behold the grace of God within the individual.

Respect is to see the underlying goodness and to respond to it. And so it is that a holy child sees the holiness of the parent – the God within the parent – just as the holy parent must see the holiness within the child – the spirit of God within the child, even when it is masked by mischief. For that matter, all of us are called to see the holy spirit within each and every human being we meet.

The ancient virtues of authority, obedience and respect are not out-of-date. They remain virtues which show forth the relationships within each and every family. The Feast Day of the Holy Family should remind us that we are urged to respect the divinity within each one of us; to look deeply and intently into the person next to us; and discern that, together, all of us make up the Holy Family of God.

Feast of Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph; December 27, 2009
Sir 3:2-6;12-14; 1 Jn 3:1-2, 21-24; Lk 2:41-52

East

Today’s question requires a physical response. I’d like each of you, right now, to point towards the East. Yes, that’s right. Well, there seems to be some difference of opinion. Since our sanctuary is circular, it is difficult to be sure which direction is East. However, since the astrologers we heard about in today’s gospel came out of the East, I thought it might be a good idea to see how many of you might recognize the direction from which they came.

Actually, due East is directly behind me. To verify this fact I used my pocket compass. If you don’t believe me, you can come up here after mass and check it out yourself. You might be wondering why I asked you to point to the east, in the first place? In part, it’s to get you involved in today’s reading and the feast we celebrate today, the Epiphany.

In the pre-Vatican II liturgical year, Epiphany was celebrated on January 6th, the Twelfth Day after Christmas. But now we celebrate this feast day on the First Sunday after New Year’s Day. So, since this is “liturgically” the Twelfth Day of Christmas – even if it’s actually January 8th, two days later – I suppose I could have brought in twelve lords a leaping, but I thought the altar area might get a little crowded.

In some European cultures, Epiphany is celebrated as the major holiday, instead of having it on December 25th. It’s the day when the Christ-child was made known to the outside world, to the non-Jews, the gentiles, who came from Arabia to pay him homage as the new King of the Jews. And that’s what Epiphany means; to make manifest, to make something visible.

And what does all of this have to do with us, here at the beginning of the year we call 1989? Well, the focus of today’s reflection is this: how do I make Jesus the Christ visible to others? A corollary of this question is another one: how do I react when I hear a new message? Where do we start these reflections on reactions to a new message and making Christ visible in this world?

Perhaps we should begin with thinking about King Herod and how he reacted to the question the astrologers put to him. First of all, no one is sure just how many astrologers showed up some two-thousand years ago in Jerusalem. The Greek word for these men is “magi”; it’s plural, so there must have been more than one. Some early traditions had the number twelve; but later traditions settled on three, one for each of the three gifts mentioned in the gospel: gold, frankincense and myrrh. But these details really don’t matter; at least not to Matthew who tells us the story.

What did matter to Matthew? It was simply this: at some point after the birth of the child who was to be the Messiah, strangers, foreigners, showed up in the capital city of the Jews looking for this child who was to be the Messiah, the leader who would save the Hebrews, who would usher in the new age of Yahweh. These were not Jewish scholars; they were unbelievers. Yet they came to do homage to this child. When they arrived in Jerusalem, what better person to ask about this new-born king than the present ruler, the current king of the Jews. After all, wasn’t he charged with the responsibility of leading these people until the Messiah came? Wasn’t the king awaiting the arrival of the Messiah just as eagerly as the rest of the people were; all those who had been calling out for deliverance for so many years?

Evidently King Herod was not waiting for the Messiah. In the first place, even though he was the recognized leader of the Jewish community, he had no idea where the Messiah was to have been born. He had to call together all of the chief priests and the learned scribes to ask them what they thought. And after checking all of their resource books, they finally came up with an answer. The Messiah was to come from this little village about five miles south of Jerusalem. Even then, King Herod was not pleased.

When he heard the news from these foreigners that the Messiah may have been born and that they had come to pay this new-born child homage as if he were royalty, King Herod devised a plan to learn more about the child so that he could kill him. How do we know this? We don’t learn it from today’s reading from Matthew’s gospel. But if we continue, we come to the account of how, when the astrologers did not report back to Herod, he sent his soldiers to Bethlehem to kill all male children two years of age or under.

Herod’s reaction to the good news of the coming of the Messiah, the Savior of his people, was that, fearing the loss of his own power, he had to destroy this new-born king. The question is: do we react the same way? When presented with a change in my life, do I see it as a new-found opportunity or as a new threat?

Last week, Deacon Les talked about the new year and about change. For the next few minutes, I’d like to address this issue, as well. The question is: what change is being asked of me? For one thing, I am being asked to become a “new Jerusalem”. Just what does that mean?

For the past weeks during much of the Christmas season, we’ve heard readings from the prophet Isaiah about Jerusalem. Even today’s first reading begins: “Rise up in splendor, Jerusalem! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you.”

Why have we been hearing so much about Jerusalem, about a city in the Middle East which has been torn by strife and conflict for so many centuries and is still in the newspapers today for the same reason. Do we read this passage from Isaiah and believe this city in Israel is, indeed, to rise up? Some would believe this. However, for Christians, over the centuries, the reference to Jerusalem is not to a specific city but rather, to the “people of God.”

The early christians saw themselves as the “new Jerusalem”, the “new kingdom,” a people who would someday replace the earth-bound city of Jerusalem. When those early Christians prayed the Psalms and read the words of Isaiah, what they were really saying was: “Rise up in splendor, you Christians! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you.”

This is our own challenge today in 1989. We are those same Christians. We are the “new Jerusalem.” The message we need to hear is this: “Rise up in splendor, you members of Christ the Good Shepherd! Your light has come, the glory of the Lord shines upon you.” And when you hear that message, do you see it as a threat or an opportunity.

Just what does it mean to know that “our light has come”? I believe it means we are to take that light and to shine it forth to others. We are called to make that light visible to others. We are called to make Christ visible to others. We are each called to be Epiphanies.

How are we to do this? By living out our lives as Christians. By hearing the new message and allowing it to change our lives. Change is not easy. Whether it is at a community or a personal level. Consider how in a few short days we will have a change in our national government. Each time a new president is inaugurated, even when his political party is the same, there is a time for change. Some see this in terms of new opportunities, others as new threats.

Other nations have similar concerns; it ‘s not unique to the United States. In the U.S.S.R. some soviets view Mr. Gorbachev’s “glasnost” as a new opportunity; others within the existing power structure see it as a new threat. At the same time, when I was thinking about this homily, the image came to me of Gorbachev’s recent visit to the United States. Here was a modern stranger visiting a foreign country with a message that some in the U.S. would see as a new opportunity and others would see as a new threat.

Although political changes give us a clear picture of change in terms of threat or opportunity, our own personal lives have changes which give us similar attitudes. Each of us can view this new year in terms of opportunities or threats. And within this year, we each have specific changes ahead of us.

For some a new job. For others a move to a new home. There can be new acquaintances and new friends or enemies. For some, there are unforseen crises: problems of health, perhaps the death of loved ones. Some situations call for new determination: areas of alcoholism, substance abuse: drugs, or tobacco, or even food. Others are called to consider such tragic matters as child abuse. For some there is the need to think about changing a relationship which is detrimental to our well-being. Each change is difficult. Each change has built-in fears and doubts. Yet each change can be a new opportunity. What kind of an opportunity?

An opportunity to make Christ more visible to others! When we are called upon to make a change, this attitude needs to become our guiding light. How, by my decision, by my action, how do I make Christ more visible to others? My focus must be on him, upon Jesus the Christ, in order for the change to be seen as an opportunity and not a threat.

At the beginning of this reflection, I asked each of you to point towards the East. Not everyone got it right. However, if you are ever in a church and asked that question again, you are almost certain to be correct if you point in the direction behind the altar. From the earliest days of Christianity, churches have been built so that the people face towards the East. In that way, the rising sun can always be seen through the stained-glass windows above the altar and the people can be reminded of the light of the risen Christ.

What our Christian buildings accomplish, we also should do. If we face the light of the Christ, if we allow his light to shine upon us as we make our choices and live out our lives, it is then that we can be an Epiphany to others.

Epiphany; January 8, 1989
Is 60:1-6; Eph 3:2-3, 5-6; Mt 2:1-12

Gifts

My question for today’s reflection is a personal one. Now that the season of Christmas is over and the lights and decorations have been put away, what has happened to the gifts you and your family received? How many of the toys are broken – or discarded because of a lack of interest? What did you do with Aunt Gertrude’s “whatch-you-call-it” that she gave you with such love, but you really can’t stand? Which gifts have been shoved away, unused – waiting the time to be re-gifted in a white elephant sale? And which ones do you really like and use every day?

Each year, all of us receive material gifts we never use, as well as those we truly love. But what about the other gifts we have. The ones we have received from God? Yes, the focus for today’s reflection is rightly on these gifts: a focus on how do we use the gifts – the talents and abilities which God has given to each one of us?

We are, of course, reminded of those gifts in the reading we heard from Saint Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. Paul, who seems to like to list things, speaks of the gifts of: “expression of wisdom … [and] of knowledge; faith, healing, mighty deed, [and] prophecy …” that is, speaking out on behalf of God. He identifies the gift of “discernment of spirits,” the ability to tell the difference between good and evil. To these seven, he has also added the gifts of speaking in tongues and of interpreting them, gifts which are related to our ability to pray to God and to understand what God says to us in prayer.

All of these gifts are ways to understand how God works in our lives and how we are to share this understanding with others. Saint Paul reminds us that there is a relationship between these gifts and our responsibilities for the use of these gifts. Our reading began with the words: “There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; there are different forms of service but the same Lord; there are different workings but the same God who produces all of them in everyone.” He also said: “To each person the manifestation of the spirit is given for [the common good.]”

It seems from this, that each one of us is given a gift that we are to use in the service of others. To receive a gift and honor the giver, means that we are to use the gift and that we are to share this gift with others. If you put Aunt Gertrude’s whatch-you-call-it away in the closet, you please yourself; you do not please Aunt Gertrude, who thought you needed whatever it was she gave you. Perhaps the Holy Spirit is much like Aunt Gertrude. We receive gifts from the Holy Spirit but don’t know what to do with them and so we stack them away, unused. So, maybe it’s time to think about how we respond to a gift.

To approach our attitudes about these gifts, we might take a closer look at today’s gospel reading: the story of the wedding feast at Cana. Here at Christ the Good Shepherd, we are reminded of this story every time we look at the Marian window. Most of you probably know that the central panels in our window show Mary and Jesus at the wedding in Cana, where she asks him for his help and he performs what John calls the first of his signs of glorification: the turning of water into wine.

Biblical scholars tell us that the Gospel of John is a special theological approach to Jesus and is noted for its symbolism. It’s for sure that today’s gospel reading has a high level of symbolism. First of all, we have six stone jars filled to the brim with water and this is done under the authority of Jesus. The total volume of water turned into wine is over one-hundred-fifty gallons or something like six-hundred bottles of wine. Now that’s a wedding party, considering that the original supply had already run out!

In symbolic terms, some see Jesus taking the Jewish tradition of the law, signified by the water used for purification rites, and transforming it into the superabundance of the new covenant. They see relationships between the first sign of the glorification of Jesus in the Gospel of John and the last sign of his glorification at his crucifixion. Here, at the beginning of John’s gospel, Jesus addresses Mary in terms of the woman who does not recognize that his time has not yet come. At the end of John’s gospel, Jesus addresses her in terms of the woman who is told to look upon her new son, the beloved disciple who represents all of us. The water changed into wine is seen in terms of the water and blood which pour from the pierced side of Jesus, a scene that is unique to John’s gospel.

And in between, the superabundance of the water turned into wine is also viewed in context with the other times water is emphasized in John’s gospel.
● Times which include his telling Nicodemus we need to be born again with water and the spirit.
● Or the living water Jesus talks about with the woman at the well.
● Or the cure of the paralytic at the pool of Bethesda.
● Or the man who was born blind and who was cured by washing in the pool of Siloam.
● And of course, there is the time when Jesus washed the feet of his disciples.
All of these stories involving water are found only in John’s gospel. So, it’s easy to see how John was deep into symbols and how important water and purification are in his theology.

With the use of symbols so strongly in mind, it’s not unfair to use the symbols of the wedding feast at Cana for a deeper understanding of gift giving. But rather than water and wine, the symbols I want to consider are the people, themselves, whom we encounter in today’s reading. People who might be you and me. The real question for our reflection today is this: If I were at the wedding feast in Cana, who would I be?

There are many different kinds of people at this wedding party. Each one of them had both a different knowledge and a different understanding about the gift Jesus provided for them: the gift of the water turned to wine. And as a result of this understanding, they responded in different ways to his gift.

First of all, what was the understanding of the servants who poured the water into the jars and drew out the wine to be served? They saw what had happened, but they did not really understand what they saw. How many of us see our own gifts from God, but do not understand what they are? We continue to carry a miraculous gift but do not appreciate the wonder of what we carry.

And what about the chief steward? He tasted the new gift, but thought that the bridegroom had kept it hidden all this time and was only now making it available to his guests. How many of us attribute our own gifts to human effort and do not recognize the true origin of our talents and abilities?

Then there is the bridegroom who readily accepts the gift but does not question it’s origin. What concern is it of his? So long as people are happy with it and he saves face. Are there those of us who go through life taking advantage of their gifts from God but are unconcerned about how we came by them? Who consume their gifts without even a “thank you”?

And then there are the disciples who saw what was going on and who, according to John, believed in him. They apparently understood the true origin of the gift. But how deep was their understanding? Did this belief change them at the time? Or were they still uncommitted to do anything about it? And what about you and me? Do we momentarily understand the source of our gifts but then fail to act upon this knowledge?

Finally, there is Mary. She was the one who encouraged the initiation of the gift, who was confident that something would happen, even if she was uncertain exactly what it would be. She was the one who sought out a gift, not for herself but for the welfare of others. Do I have the courage to look for my gift and expect to find it? And when I receive it, do I take delight in it and truly use it for my own good and for the welfare of others?

And so, who are you at the wedding feast? What is your understanding about the gift you have received and your need to use it, to share it with others?

Our gifts come in many sizes and shapes. (The holy spirit and aunt Gertrude may have much in common) but this weekend, we are reminded of one person who did recognize that his gifts came from God and that he was meant to share these gifts with others, even if other people might not be ready to accept them. Tomorrow many of us are given an opportunity to celebrate the memory of the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., a man who had the gift to move people and to lead them in a non-violent effort to change a way of life many thought could not be changed. It seems to me that Dr. King understood that his gifts were from God and that he must use them no matter what the cost might be to him. It is that kind of understanding which each of us must have about our own gifts. To realize that they are from God and are to be used for the good of others.

Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize our gifts. Sometimes we attribute them to our own efforts. Sometimes we use the gifts of others without realizing the source of these gifts. But like Martin Luther King, Jr., it’s essential that we do understand what our gifts are; that we acknowledge their true source; and that we use them for the good of others, no matter what the cost might be to us. Although Christmas time is over for another year, perhaps we can still open those gifts of Christ, those gifts of the Holy Spirit, and using them, transform our lives and the lives of those we meet.

Second Sunday in Ordinary Time; January 19, 1992
Is 62:1-5; 1 Cor 12:4-11; Jn 2:1-12

Cana

In the words of the prophet Isaiah that we heard in today’s first reading God says to the people of Israel: “… you shall be called ‘my delight,’ and your land ‘espoused’. For the Lord delights in you and makes your land his spouse.” This passage leads me to ask a question you need not answer out loud. The question is this: What nick name do you have for your spouse, or if you’re not married, for the one you love?

In case you’re interested and want to use it, the Hebrew word for “my delight” is Hepzibah. And the word for “espoused” or “married” is Beulah, a good old-fashioned name that few would dare use today. And if you’re wondering what nick name I call my wife, I’m not going to tell you. You may have to ask one of our three children or perhaps my wife, whose name in case you don’t know it, is Karen.

For those of you who may be new to the parish and confused about how I have a wife, three children and seven grandchildren, you need to know that I’m a Permanent Deacon and not a priest; and that I’ve been married to Karen for almost forty-three years. Although a few people call me “Father,” instead of “Deacon” Pat, the only ones who really call me that are our daughter and two sons. Of course they also refer to me in other ways but I won’t go into that either.

Now if you’re wondering why I’m making a point of my marital status, it’s because of today’s gospel reading about the wedding feast at Cana. This is a passage which many engaged couples choose to have read at their own wedding celebrations. It’s a very appropriate reading, since it deals not only with a wedding but, even more importantly, with a miracle of change.

At first, you may think this miracle of change involves only the change of water into wine: the first miracle performed by Jesus in his ministry. But there is another change represented by the water turned into wine. This second miracle is the transformation of two people into one couple. Just as ordinary water becomes extra-ordinary wine, an ordinary man and an ordinary woman can become an extra-ordinary couple.

This change results in a new union: a togetherness of a couple who still remain two separate persons but now are joined into a partnership of husband and wife: a partnership in which each one must continue to grow yet in a manner conducive to mutual growth, mutual benefit.

The sacrament of Matrimony is often said to be a sign of the Covenant of God with God’s people, of Christ the bridegroom with his spouse, the church. For just as God has made an unbreakable agreement with all of us, so a man and a woman in their marriage covenant make an unbreakable agreement among themselves and their God.

However, the sacrament of Matrimony is a unique sacrament, one that is very different from, say, Baptism or Confirmation. In Baptism the normal minister is the priest or deacon who pours the water and says the words: “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” A bishop is the normal minister for Confirmation. A priest is the normal minister for the Eucharist.

However, the ministers of the sacrament of Matrimony are the husband and wife, themselves. By speaking their vows, their promises to one another, the husband conveys this sacrament upon his wife; and the wife upon her husband. The priest or deacon is a minister of the church who witnesses this exchange. All the friends and relatives gathered together as a community participate as witnesses of this sacrament . which is, as all sacraments are, a community event and an on-going process in which God’s special graces are offered.

No, the sacrament of Marriage does not end with the wedding ceremony. It is a continuing sacrament and, as with all sacraments, it offers its own graces, its own gifts of God’s life within us. There are many graces each one of us can call upon within the sacrament of Marriage. I personally believe that one of the major graces is that of “forgiveness.” I believe a special gift, offered by God to each spouse, is the gift of a continuing reconciliation that heals the hurts encountered in the process of two people mutually growing together. For if reconciliation is not obtained, the result is a divorce for what are called “irreconcilable differences.” But with the gifts of forgiveness and reconciliation with one another, and with God, all things become possible.

However, if I am the only one to speak about this sacrament of Matrimony, you would be missing another very important view. And so it’s now time for you to hear from the person who shares with me the gifts God has given us: my delight called Karen.

[Karen continues] Pat has already mentioned that marriage is a sacrament between two people and God. I want to talk about marriage as a covenant and not merely a contract.

Contracts are based on inequality. If one party fails, the other forecloses. There is little room for forgiveness. Some marriages are indeed contracts; and contracts can be broken. Divorce happens even when couples try to hold the contract together. Divorce is sad, but in and of itself, divorce is not sinful.

In a covenant relationship love and forgiveness are ongoing. Marriage becomes, not a 50-50, but a 100-100 percent relationship. In tough times, one person’s 100 percent has to be enough to keep two imperfect people together until healing and forgiveness are possible. Of course, God, who is the third party in the covenant, helps to reconcile the couple.

If you remember, when the flood was over in the Book of Genesis, God sent a rainbow to Noah and his family as a sign of the covenant between God and human beings. Well, our marriage has a sign too. There are many, of course. We have wedding rings, photographs, memories and children as signs of our covenant. But the sign that I want to show you today is this. (Show the can!).

This is a can which once held corned beef hash. When we married, I moved into Pat’s apartment, and this can of hash was in the pantry. I didn’t, and don’t, like canned hash, and so when we moved a few months later, it was still there. We were too poor, and I was too thrifty to throw it away, so it moved with us. We lived in four apartments in Ithaca, New York, and each time the hash went with us. We crossed the country over the years – from New York to New Hampshire – to Oregon – to Maryland – to Massachusetts and finally here to Houston.

The can grew suspiciously domed and rusty and so the contents were removed long ago but the can moves with us still. it symbolizes the years of economic hardship, the joys of childbirth, the struggles and forgiveness, the hope: the journey. It has been transformed from a humble can of hash to a symbol of our covenant and I wouldn’t dream of moving without it.

Finally, I have a question for you about today’s gospel reading. Why on earth did Jesus make so much wine? Scripture tells us the quantity in the stone jars was between 120 and 180 gallons. Surely it was a waste of fine wine. Or was it? For me, the reason is this. Jesus did more than transform water into wine. At the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee, Jesus transformed a wedding toast into a lifetime of grace to be drawn upon. The grace given to us in our sacrament of Marriage is unending. It allows us to drink deeply of God’s love for us as a couple.

So, you engaged couples out there, prepare to find an abundance of wine at your wedding; much more than you have ordered from your caterer. For you married couples, please don’t forget the endless grace that can be drawn upon; especially in the difficult times in your lives together; and there will be difficult times. And for you who are divorced, widowed or separated; or those who have responded to a vocation which calls for celibacy; or for those who never marry for one reason or another, remember there are graces in abundance in all the sacraments: stone jars of wine which invite you to celebrate God’s love for you, an endless supply of goodness.

The two closest and most beautiful relationships I have in my life are with God and with Pat. Sometimes I feel closer to one than to the other; but when I allow God’s grace to fill me, I can celebrate each day of my life in the knowledge that I am truly loved.

[Pat continues] Yes, the sacrament of Matrimony offers many graces to the couple joined in a covenant with God. It also offers God’s life and love to all who come in contact with this sacrament. In our second reading from Saint Paul, we heard about many different spiritual gifts given by the one spirit for the building up of the community.

At the conclusion of today’s gospel reading, John the Evangelist says: “Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs at Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him.” In a similar manner, as a sign of their covenant, as a sign of your covenant, as a sign of their sacramental union, each couple is to reveal the glory of God to their friends, to their family, especially their children, to their co-workers and to the rest of society. Each one of us may have a special nickname for our spouse, but the name we all must carry is that of “Christian,” one who reveals the glory of God and the love of Christ to others.

Second Sunday of Ordinary Time; January 14, 2001
Is 62:1-5; 1 Cor 2:4-11; Jn 2:1-11

Signs

Today’s question is another liturgical one. My question is this: what is the “Sign of Peace?” What do we mean when we exchange a “Sign of Peace” at mass?

Yes, almost anyone who attends mass regularly knows that right after we pray the Lord’s Prayer, the Our Father, and just before we receive Communion, we turn to those around us and with a handshake or a hug say to one another: “Peace be with you.”

However, some of us remember the days when this was not the case. Back before Vatican II and the changes in the Liturgy, it was at this point in the mass the priest said to the entire congregation: “Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.” “May the peace of the Lord be always with you.” And the entire congregation responded: “Et cum spiritu tuo.” “And with your spirit.” There were no accompanying handshakes nor hugs back then. No touching in church! It wasn’t seemly!

In fact, when the custom of exchanging a “Sign of Peace” among the members of the congregation first occurred in the late sixties, many parishes did a very strange thing. Some of you may recall it. Back then, all churches had a central aisle dividing the building. And so the people on the left side turned towards the ones on the right side of the church and each side bowed towards the other! It wasn’t until the liberal seventies that Catholics thought it was OK to shake hands during the Mass. And a few really courageous ones even exchanged hugs as a sign of the Peace of Christ among us.

A Sign of the Peace of Christ – a sign that Jesus the Christ brought us a peace beyond merely a lack of conflict – a sign that through praying Our Father and through receiving his Body and Blood – we all enter into a peace and fellowship beyond all understanding. This sign could now be shown by our action, our interaction with one another and not merely by words spoken in a forgotten language.

And what about the “Sign of the Cross?” What do we really mean by this sign? When we trace the image of a cross on our own body – or over the body of someone we love – and say the words, “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit” – are we merely making some magical waving of our hand in hopes of good luck – like a basketball player before a free throw – or do we acknowledge our thanksgiving for the suffering of our Lord on the cross and for our blessings given to us by our Trinitarian God?

Do we recognize that our outward expression, our visible action, relates to an inner reality, a reality beyond our human understanding? The “Sign of the Peace of Christ” and the ‘Sign of the Cross” are true signs of the presence of God and of our own acknowledgment of God’s presence.

Do you recall the usual definition of a sacrament? As children we learned that a sacrament is an outward sign of an inner reality. A sacrament is the grace God bestows on us to strengthen us on our journey with Him.

And this is what is meant by the “Sign of the Peace of Christ” and the “Sign of the Cross.” External actions signifying an inner, eternal reality, one that cannot be seen by our human eyes nor heard by our human ears but is recognized only by the interior sight and listening of our human hearts. These particular signs can be called “sacramentals,” little sacraments.

In today’s gospel we heard about another sign. We heard how Jesus, at a wedding feast in Cana, turned water into wine. It is one of the stories from the Gospel of John. A gospel which is divided into two parts, two “books” if you will: the “Book of Signs” and the “Book of Glory.” However, these two “books” have the same purpose. It’s a purpose stated in the last line of today’s gospel: “Jesus did this, [changing the water into wine] as the beginning of his signs at Cana in Galilee and his disciples began to believe in him.”

“To believe in him.” To believe that he is, indeed, the Word of God made flesh. The Word of God, the power of God, who came into the world in which we see and hear. A world where he came to dwell among us. It was in the action of his changing water into wine that his followers began to believe in him. But his action did not stop there. At the conclusion of his ministry on earth, he changed wine into his own blood – and commanded that we consume his body and blood to become one with him and his Father. He did this so that we could enter into an everlasting covenant with him.

We are reminded of this at each and every Eucharist, when the celebrant raises the chalice and says words to the effect: “this is the cup of my blood, the cup of the new and everlasting covenant, shed for all of us … and for the forgiveness of our sins.”

And what is this covenant? This “new and everlasting covenant.” Do we not recall that the “old” covenant was an unconditional agreement between Yahweh and his Chosen People. An agreement that He would be their God and they would, indeed, be his People. A covenant renewed through His promises to Noah, to Abraham and to Moses, that their people would be His people.

And now we have a “new and everlasting covenant,” made through the Pascal Mystery of Christ, that all humanity has become God’s Chosen ones; that everyone has been granted salvation through the suffering, death and resurrection of His only begotten Son. That this salvation is merited by Christ’s actions and not by our own. That this covenant exists for everyone, even if there are those who have not personally accepted this covenant. It is a covenant of unity among us. A covenant of unity.

Which brings me back to our gospel reading for today. It is a reading which is often proclaimed at wedding celebrations. I think it’s usually chosen for the obvious reason it mentions a wedding celebration. A really good celebration. A three-day party where the wine is running out and Jesus makes about 600 more bottles of the best vintage wine out of six large jars filled with water. So yes, it makes a good story about wedding receptions.

But this story is about more than catering a wedding reception. It is really about a covenant. A covenant we call matrimony. It is not about an extended wedding party. It is about an extended, life-long, unconditional agreement between husband and wife. Between wife and husband and the God who created them and blesses their unity with Him.

After all, a covenant is a never-ending agreement between God and God’s people. And this is what the Catholic Church teaches us about the sacrament of matrimony. The sacrament of marriage is a life-long covenant, a life-long agreement of the spouses with one another and their God.

Marriage is a covenant which, when truly entered into with their free-will commitments by husband and wife, is a marriage blessed by the superabundant grace offered by God as his contribution to their agreement.

Just as Jesus at the wedding feast in Cana blessed the bride and groom with a superabundance of wine, he also blesses each couple with a superabundance of his love. It is a love they can call upon as they live out their covenant relationship through times of mutual difficulty. For, as we all know, even when we pledge our commitment of undying love to one another with the vows we exchange, there are times when this love needs rekindling. The original flame of our love can be renewed to an even greater light and warmth, when we draw upon the superabundant love and grace provided by God in this union with him.

In times of difficulty as well as in times of immense joy, we must remember that the sacrament of matrimony is a sign of God’s covenant with us, with us as husband and wife – and as members of the larger community, the larger covenant. Married couples have the sign of their covenant in the sacrament of Matrimony. The larger community has a sign of its own new and eternal covenant with others and with God in the sacrament of Eucharist.

Each sacrament has its own signs. Its own actions. Its own divine encounters. Its own changes. For this, too, is what a sign contains: an action for change, for re-formation. At the celebration in Cana, water is changed into wine. At each celebration of the Eucharist, bread and wine are changed into the body and blood of Christ.

At Cana, only the servants of the groom knew the source of the wine. Only his followers knew and believed in his glory. At Eucharist, only those who serve the Lord, only those disciples who follow his teachings, know and believe in the source of his consecrated body and precious blood. But these changes do not end here.

It is through the action of our consuming his body and blood that we, too, are called to change. We are to change from ordinary people to become his Chosen ones, the ones who proclaim his Pascal Mystery – through our actions, through our love, through our lives. Each one of us is to become a living sign of Christ, a Sign of the Peace of Christ, a Sign of the Cross for everyone. † “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Second Sunday in Ordinary Time; January 14, 2007
Is 62:1-5; 1 Cor 12:4-11; Jn 2;1-11

Team Givers

Since the AFC and NFC Championship games are being played this weekend, I could ask you: “who’s going to play in the Super Bowl two weeks from now?” However, for a number of reasons, I think I should avoid asking that one. Instead, I have another football question that might have a scriptural answer – at least according to Saint Paul. My question is this: “Who is the most important player on a football team?” Is it someone who plays on the line or in the backfield? Is a quarterback more important than a kicker?

As I said, Saint Paul would probably have his own way of looking at the question. After all, Saint Paul was an avid sports fan – although he was more into track than he was football. Saint Paul did a lot of talking about running and winning laurel crowns. But if football were around some two-thousand years ago, and the Corinthians were playing the Philippians, perhaps Paul would have written: “Now the team is not one member, it is many. If the place-kicker should say, “because I am not a quarterback I do not belong to the team,” would he no longer belong to the team? If the right guard should say, “because I am not a center I do not belong to the team,” would he then no longer belong to the team? If the team were all tacklers, who would throw long touchdown passes? If the team were all passers, what would happen to our defense? As it is, the team owner, the general manager, and the coach have set each player on the team in the place they wanted him to be.”

And Paul might continue: “We honor the players we consider less honorable by clothing them with larger shoulder pads and harder helmets. Furthermore, if one player suffers, all the players suffer with him; if one player scores the winning touchdown, all players receive Super Bowl rings.”

I really think this is what Paul meant when he wrote: “As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit.” Paul continues to remind us that we, you and I, are members of that one body and that Jesus the Christ is the head of this body.

Today is an especially good day to be reminded of this. During this past week, from January 18 through Monday, January 25th, millions of Christians around the world have been participating in this year’s “Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.” On Monday evening there will be a concluding service at Sacred Heart Co-Cathedral that celebrates the desire for all of us to be, truly, one body.

However, regardless of how we as Catholic Christians might publically celebrate this desire to be ecumenically one body, it is important that each one of us recognizes what it means to be, in fact, part of the one body of Christ. And how are we to do this?

Perhaps the words found in today’s Gospel reading may give us a clue. In a way, it’s a strange reading. The first lines are from the opening of Luke’s gospel, when he sets out his reason for writing it: to present to Theophilus – a name that means “one who loves God” – to present to Theophilus, an account of what has been said about Jesus so that his reader can believe more strongly in this person, called the Christ, the Anointed One of God.

But then, after these opening lines, today’s reading jumps from the first chapter of Luke’s gospel to the fourth chapter, when Jesus returns from the temptations in the desert and – empowered by the Holy Spirit – begins his public ministry.

We hear how Jesus, thought to be the son of a carpenter, entered the synagogue in his hometown of Nazareth. And there, in a synagogue where he had heard the scriptures of his people and, no doubt, as a young, Jewish man, had read them aloud countless times before, he now reads a passage from Isaiah: “The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring glad tidings to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord.” And then Jesus, this so-called carpenter’s son, said: “Today this scripture passage is fulfilled in your hearing.”

Now we come to the real question for us today: just what does this passage have to do with us? Do we hear it only as an event in the life of Jesus? Or do we see glimmers of how it might apply to us?

Can each one of us say:
● The spirt of the Lord is upon me.
● The spirt of the Lord has anointed me with my baptism and my confirmation.
● The spirit of the Lord sends me to bring glad tidings to the poor.
● The spirit of the Lord sends me to proclaim liberty to those held captive.
● The spirit of the Lord sends me to help others see, to remove the darkness of night and let in the light of day.

Or perhaps each one of us says:
● Not me! I’m not that kind of person.
● I can’t work in a soup kitchen or in a housing project.
● I can’t suddenly go to a foreign country to help in its reconstruction.
● I’m not able to counsel a young, pregnant girl.
● I don’t know how to teach a class in religion.
● I can’t stop people around me from telling racial jokes.
● I don’t know how to help heal a broken heart, a wounded soul.
● I cannot preach. I cannot teach.
● I cannot do what others seem to do so easily.

But the spirit of God – the love of God and of Jesus the Christ – does not ask us to do what we cannot do. Instead, the spirit calls us to do what each one of us can do. The spirit does not ask a foot to do the work of a hand nor an eye to function as an ear.

Indeed, in the words of Saint Paul:
● Some of us are apostles, sent out to proclaim and work for the kingdom.
● Some are prophets, sent to remind others, through our words and actions, what God calls us to do.
● Some are teachers who attend to the minds of those in our care.
● Some are healers who attend to the bodies of those in our care.
● Some are administrators who attend to the social needs of those in our care.

All of us are called: not to do everything, but rather to give from those talents and skills that have been given to each of us. To give what we can give and not to be trapped into trying to give what we do not possess. Yes, through our Christian baptism, each of us is to proclaim that this is, indeed, a year acceptable to the Lord. Each one of us is called, in our individual, unique ways, to act as true members of the one body of Christ.

Third Sunday in Ordinary Time; January 24, 2010
Neh 8:2-4, 5-6, 8-10; 1 Cor 12:12-30; Lk 1:1-4; 4:14-21

Hand-Me-Downs

How you respond to today’s question may depend on how old you are. My age-dependent question is this: How do you feel about “hand-me-downs?” Hand-me-downs – those things you get from someone else. If you have an older brother or sister, you probably got hand-me-downs of clothing which no longer fit them. Or maybe toys, like an old bike. If you are a young, married couple, or recall the time when you were a young married couple, you probably had hand-me-downs of old furniture which your parents were no longer interested in having but you needed to have, because you couldn’t afford to buy anything new.

Yes, we usually think of hand-me-downs as things that no one else has a use for, because they’ve outgrown them or they’re merely old but still have life in them. Yet there are other kinds of hand-me-downs, too. There are those we call “heirlooms” – a classic piece of jewelry, for example; or antique furniture. Some of us even browse through flea markets or garage sales in search of hand-me-downs we can display with pride in our homes.

There are even other, less tangible hand-me-downs in our lives. We call them “traditions” – those values and behaviors which come from prior generations. Beliefs, actions and events adding an extra meaning to our lives. Ones we treasure and want to pass on to those we love; those who come after us.

At the 5:30 liturgy this weekend we celebrated a special kind of “hand-me-down.” We call it Baptism – when we initiate new, little brothers and sisters into the tradition of our faith; into our family of fellow Christians. In this celebratio, we urge the parents and God-parents to pass on to their children the faith and love and hope they received in their own baptisms.

At the nine o’clock liturgy this weekend we honored Boy Scouts and their own traditions: all those events in their lives transmitting the values of the generations of scouts who came before them. Values which speak of duty to God and Country, to other people and to one’s self.

St Paul in today’s reading from his letter to the Corinthians also speaks of hand-me-downs when he writes: “For I handed on to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures; that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures …”

In accordance with the scriptures…” This too, is a form of hand-me-down. Scriptures tell us what has gone on before us and what we should seek in the future. The scriptures tell us how to live our lives in the present kingdom as well as what to expect in the fulfillment of this kingdom, this reign of God.

Scripture is a special kind of “heirloom” – if you will. An heirloom to be treasured for its past, its present, and its future handing-on to others. Some may take a beautiful, old-fashioned, heirloom ring and put it in a safe-deposit box for its own protection. Another person may wear the ring for its own sake and for the remembrances it holds. Still another may transform the stone with a new setting, a new style, a new life. A magnificent piece of furniture can be hidden away in an attic or it can be polished and re-furbished to take an honored place in a home until it is passed on to a new generation who will love it and use it.

In the ancient world, tradition applied not only to things but to what people did: their occupations, their vocations, their callings. If your father was a fisherman, well then, you too, would be a fisherman. You would be like Peter and Andrew – or like James and John, the sons of Zebedee, and mend your nets on the shore of the Sea of Galilee after a fruitless night without catching a single fish.

Yet that tradition could be changed, under the right circumstances. Such as the time when a teacher came along and showed you an abundance, a superabundance if you will, of what God can do, if you only give Him the chance. Jesus, you will recall, did not say that these four men should no longer be fishermen. All he said was that what they caught would change. And in this re-focusing, their ancient tradition, their vocation which had gone back for so many generations – this part of their traditional approach – would change dramatically.

Just as it had for a young man by the name of Isaiah. Isaiah, who – as any devout Jewish man of his time would do – Isaiah was praying in the temple. However, on this particular day the Lord God appeared to him. And when Isaiah thought – as any devout Jewish man believed – when Isaiah thought that the Lord God would strike him dead because he, a sinful human, had beheld the Lord God … Isaiah found, instead, that this very Lord God sent an angel to purify him.

An angel … to take away his sinfulness … so that in response to the Lord God’s question: “whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” … Isaiah was able to say, without any further hesitation: “Here I am. Send me!” Yes, Isaiah was sent to prophesy to the Israelites of his day. And the four brothers; Peter and Andrew; James and John, were to follow Jesus and help him catch not a superabundance of fish, but a superabundance of humanity.

But what about you and me? What are we to do with the traditions, the values, the events handed down to us?
● How are we to shape the lives, the minds and hearts of our children by handing down to them the values we have received?
● How are we to demonstrate God’s justice and mercy through the ways we conduct our business and perform the jobs we’ve undertaken?
● How do we pour forth God’s compassion on those in need of comfort and assistance?
● How do we announce to the world the fact that Jesus the Christ has handed on to us a new life – one he wants us to share in his name with everyone we meet?
● How do we take the scriptures we’ve heard and turn them into the reality of our own lives?

Yes, tradition can be hidden away. It can be preserved under glass. Or it can be renovated for new life. That hand-me-down clothing and that parental furniture can be tossed out with the trash or they can be used again to bring warmth and joy to new generations.

Each of us is transformed, not with a burning ember touching our lips, but rather with the Eucharistic bread and wine entering us. Each of us has seen how the words of Jesus the Christ have enriched our own lives beyond all worldly measures, not with boatloads of fish, but rather with the joy and the tranquility we gain from him and from others who follow him.

Perhaps each of us needs to recall the words we heard at the conclusion of today’s reading from St Paul: “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective.” With these words burning within us we can take the traditions, the hand-me-downs we have received from God, and say with renewed confidence: “Here I am, Lord; send me.”

Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time; February 8, 2004
Is 6:1-2a, 3-8; 1 Cor 15:1-11; Lk 5:1-11

Forgive

Today’s gospel reading comes from Luke’s version of what is called “The Sermon on the Plain.” We heard the opening verses last week in the Beatitudes, the “blest be” teachings of Jesus. The Sermon on the Plain is very much like Matthew’s “Sermon on the Mount.” On the other hand, Luke has serval stories you won’t find in Matthew’s gospel. One of the more well-known stories found in Luke’s gospel is the story of the “Good Samaritan.” It’s a story that Jesus told in answer to the question: who is my neighbor? Who is the one I should love?

That might be a good question for me to ask today: Who is my neighbor, who is the one I should love? However, today’s readings prompt me to ask a related question. My question is this: “Who is my enemy?” Who comes immediately into your mind as being your “enemy?” And if you are among those who have no specific enemy, perhaps you might ponder for a moment the general question: “How do I define who an enemy might be?

There are many reasons why you might conclude someone is an enemy; but I would suggest that one definition is this: “my enemy is someone who has hurt me. Or someone I believe will hurt me, someone whom I fear. A person who will attack me, a person I must avoid in order to be safe.”

Today’s first reading speaks of such enemies. We heard the story of King Saul and his army of three-thousand men who pursued David and his companions. David had every reason to see the pursuing king as his enemy. And Saul certainly thought that David was his enemy, at least now. That had not always been the case; not in the beginning when young David, who had slain the giant Goliath and had saved Saul’s kingdom; David, who would sing his songs in order to ease the troubled mind of his king. But finally, Saul’s great melancholy and paranoia got the better of him. Saul thought David might try to take over his kingdom. And so, David, innocent of any wrong-doing, fled before Saul could kill him.

Now, as we heard in our first reading, Saul pursued David until that night when Saul and his army slept in the desert of Ziph. It was there that David and his nephew crept into the camp and found the king asleep. A night when David could have killed Saul; but instead he proved to the sleeping king that he was not his enemy; that he still believed that his king was the one anointed by God. In effect, David said that he would not harm Saul even though Saul wanted to kill him.

From our first reading we now turn to our gospel reading in which we hear, Jesus, the descendent of David, saying: “Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you and pray for those who maltreat you.” And we immediately ask ourselves: how can this be? How can I possibly love my enemy? How can I take these words of Jesus seriously? What does he really mean?

Well, one way to attempt to understand these words is to recall that they are part of a larger teaching, a teaching that is central to why we call Jesus the Savior, the Redeemer. Perhaps we need to focus for a moment on the central gift Jesus brought to us; a gift he wants us to share with others; the gift we call “forgiveness.”

He asks us to love our enemy by first forgiving our enemy; by saying: Although you have hurt me, I will not harm you back. I will not retaliate. Even though you pursue me like Saul pursued David, I will not fight back. I wish to forgive you so that we can go on from here. I wish to heal that which divides us. And to do this, I must first of all forgive you.

To forgive an enemy real or imagined – or for potential hurts – can be difficult. It’s much easier to forgive “nice” people, those who will be grateful when I forgive them, who will make me feel good about having forgiven them. Perhaps I need to ask myself: why do I forgive someone? Do I forgive you in order to feel good about myself or do I forgive you while remembering who you once were and might be again?

Or perhaps I need to ask myself: when do I forgive you? Is it only after you have changed? It’s much easier to forgive those who make concessions to me; those who give in to my demands before I forgive them; who change in order to suit my needs so that I feel justified and righteous about having forgiven them. Do I declare you are no longer my enemy before or after you stop pursuing me?

And if I forgive you, must I also forgive what you have done to me? When Jesus asks me to forgive someone, let alone my enemy, is he asking me to condone those actions that have hurt me? When I forgive, do I automatically approve of all those terrible things that have been done to me or to those I love and care about? Or does my forgiveness say: I acknowledge you have hurt me; you have hurt me very deeply; but even though I have suffered much because of your actions, I do not want to cut you off, banish you. I do not want to retaliate to protect myself and, in the process, destroy myself.

And if I do turn the other cheek in this modern society, do I, in effect, accept the abuse heaped upon me? Am I willing to be an abused spouse, an abused child because Jesus says I should turn the other cheek? Or do I also listen to these same words as reported by Matthew, who first reminds us that the old Law demanded retribution with “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth;” but that the new law – while not condoning mistreatment, while not approving the abuse – does urge us not to pay back abuse with an equal retaliation. Just because I am abused does not give me the right to abuse another person. Just because someone steals from me does not give me the right to steal from someone else.

But all of this is so hard to do. How can I ever forgive my enemy for the hurt that has been done to me; let alone love the one who hurts me? Perhaps, I also need to recall what Saint Paul speaks of in his letter to the Corinthians: the letter we heard in the second reading for today. Paul reminds us that Adam, a name that means “man of earth,” that Adam hurt God and that God’s response was to banish Adam from his company; but he did so with a promise: a promise of forgiveness; a promise met in his own son, who from the cross forgave those who crucified him. Paul reminds us that we, too, bear the likeness of the one who came from heaven. Those who have hurt God, are now forgiven by God. We are not God’s enemy; we have been forgiven.

And so, in the final analysis, the question I began with, “who is my enemy?” now becomes two related questions: “who has hurt me?” And “whom must I forgive even though they have hurt me?”

Is it a spouse who has hurt me? A blood relative, a mother or a father; a son or daughter who has wounded me? Is it someone I called my friend who has harmed me? Is it my boss or someone else at work who is out to get me? Or have I injured myself through my own actions? Am I my own enemy? Must I forgive myself? Or is it God who seems to wish me harm? Have I seen God as my enemy? Must I forgive God?

Jesus certainly did not see God as the enemy, as someone who brought him his suffering. He saw God as “Abba,” as beloved “father.” These, then, were his instructions to those who would follow him, who would also call upon Abba. He said: Do not judge, and you will not be judged; Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Now as we approach the season of Lent, perhaps this is the time to acknowledge the hurts we have suffered and, in response, to offer our own forgiveness. Perhaps in doing so, we can also pray as did Saint Francis some seven centuries ago: “ … for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”

Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time; February 22, 1998
1 Sm 26:2,7 -9; 12 – 13,22 -23; 1 Cor 15:45 -49; Lk 6:27 – 38

Mask

And the question I have for you is: Why am I wearing a mask? Some of you might think I’m wearing it to remind you that next Tuesday is Mardi Gras; that Wednesday is Ash Wednesday; and Lent is coming. Right now, it’s carnival time and during carnival people wear masks.

But this isn’t the reason I’m wearing it. No, the real reason is to illustrate part of today’s readings. In the gospel reading Jesus proclaims: “You hypocrite! Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”

And what is a hypocrite? It’s someone who wears a mask. In Greek theater actors wore large masks depicting different emotions so that the audience in the back could tell what their moods were. But here at CGS, I hope you don’t need for me to wear a mask. It’s better when I can really see you and you can really see me and hear me speak clearly. And that is what today’s readings are about: the real me and the real you. About seeing and speaking clearly.

We heard three examples of this in the first reading from the Book of Sirach. In the first example we have a pile of wheat straight from the fields. You could not use such wheat directly for baking your daily bread. First, you had to sift it through a sieve. The small, edible grains would be passed through it; the inedible husks would remain caught in the sieve and be thrown away. In the second example we have a potter who has finished forming his vase. It finally has the shape he was hoping to get. But there may be impurities in the clay he was using or he may have made the walls too thin in certain places. He puts the pot into his kiln and begins the drying process. If there are errors in either the material itself or in his methods, the vessel will crack during the firing and need to be thrown away. In the third case, we have the fig tree yielding bitter fruit or fruit infested with insects, if the farmer did not take proper care of it during it’s growth.

Jesus in his own parables, his own stories, followed up on these thoughts. First of all, Jesus spoke of leadership. A leader must see the way clearly in order not to lead others astray as well as to lead those who can not see the way at all. He also reminds his own followers that disciples who do follow the teacher can, when trained, become like the teacher.

Jesus then speaks of those who are critical of others without being critical of themselves; who try to correct others without first correcting themselves. He too, speaks of trees and good fruit coming from good trees, those which are cared for and cultivated. And finally he reminds his disciples and us: “A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good, but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil; for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.”

“The mouth speaks.” The words of Jesus echo those of Sirach: “When a sieve is shaken, the husks appear; so do one’s faults when one speaks. … The fruit of a tree shows the care it has had; so too does one’s speech disclose the bent of one’s mind.”

And what does this mean for us, now some two-thousand years later? Now in this age of mass communication. A time when a large part of communication seems to focus so heavily on violence.
● The culture of today honors the songs and lyrics of violence proclaimed by Eminem.
● The culture of today makes a blockbuster movie out of the violence of Hannibal Lector.
● The culture of today celebrates the violence of extreme sports in the XFL.

Yet, there are those who smile at such antics and say: It’s not for real. It’s a put on. It’s done merely for shock value. Besides: there is freedom of expression.

Yes, I agree: on the surface these may be valid comments. We recognize that Eminem, Hannibal and the XFL are not reality; or at least we hope that they are not reality any more than “Survivors” on either a Pacific island or in the Australian outback are depictions of reality1.

But what do these examples say about our society, our civilization? Is our civilization being tested? Are we too, being tested? And if so, where does the test begin?

Civilization, itself, begins within the city, within the local community, within the family structure, itself. We see the breakdown of civility almost on a daily basis.
● In the rudeness of both clerk & customer,
● In the interaction of drivers on our roads and in our parking lots,
● In the shouts and accusations of parents and children, of husbands and wives.

Unless we begin to see our own faults and correct them, we cannot hope to correct the faults of others.
● We cannot urge our youth to give up the refuge of their own music until we give up our own refuge, our own addictions.
● We cannot halt the over-consumption of others until we look first at our own forms of self-destruction, our own cannibalism.
● We cannot urge that grown men not be paid for organized violence on the playing field, until we address the violence within each one of us.

On the calendar we have three more days of carnival, of wearing masks so that we can play the fool in public; do what we want to do as part of our so-called freedom of expression. Then comes Lent. A time to remove our masks, to reflect on the true meaning of our lives. Our lives given to us by a loving God. A loving God who did not create us to live in violence but rather to live in him.

During the next forty days it would be well to recall the words of Saint Paul we heard today: “When this which is corruptible clothes itself with incorruptibility and this which is mortal … clothes itself with immortality, then the word that is written shall come about: “death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? (….) thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time; February 25, 2001
Sir 27:4-7; 1 Cor 15:54-58; Lk 6:39-45

  1. Eminem is the name of a current hard-rock performer, known for his violent (for parents) lyrics. Hannibal Lector is a leading character in a movie series involving cannibalism. XFL is the short-lived Extreme Football League, heavy on game violence. The reality TV series, “Survivor” had previous locations on Pacific islands and the Australian Outback.

Short-cuts

Today’s homily begins with more than one question. First of all, would you agree that modern life is a lot more complex than it was a few years ago? If you’re still in school, are the classes harder and longer? And if you’re out of school and are employed, does it seem like you’re being asked to do more in your job lately, what with other people being laid off because of so-called “down-sizing?” And if you’re out of work, does it seem more difficult to find a new job with each passing week or month? Isn’t it a lot harder to raise a family or to live a quiet life? There’s a need to crowd more events and requirements into an already packed schedule than ever before. There seems, however, to be only one way out. Short-cuts! What with all of this growing complexity, we have to take short-cuts; don’t we? And even, without the complexity in our lives, short-cuts are still the way to go … aren’t they?

Short-cuts come in all kinds of packages. There’s the classic short-cut of taking the feeder road to avoid the build-up on the interstate or even the new toll roads. There’s the short-cut of jumping into a newly opened line at the supermarket. There’s the short-cut of opening a can of soup, instead of making it from scratch. There’s a whole industry of fast-foods built on our needs, our demands, for short-cuts. We’re too busy to take the time for the real things.

Real things? Life is so complex we don’t need the real things anymore. The fakes are just as good and a lot less expensive. Who needs real whipped cream, when the white stuff in the squirt can tastes as good and is advertised to be even better than the real topping that’s loaded with cholesterol and fat? Why take the time to write and mail a real letter to a friend, when we can use e-mail, send a fax, or leave a voice-mail message?

Each of us has our own favorite short-cuts and fakes to substitute for the real things. But this desire for short-cuts and substitutes is not a recent invention resulting from our modern complexity. In fact, it goes all the way back to today’s gospel reading, a gospel reading in which the devil is said to have tempted Jesus with fakes and short-cuts.

When he was hungry, having fasted for forty days in the desert, Jesus was offered a stone to eat: a stone that was a substitute for bread. He was offered fake nourishment. All he had to do was say the word and use his personal power to have the stone seem like real bread. But Jesus refused to be nourished by what was not real.

The tempter then offered him a short-cut to power. The devil was willing to give Jesus the power and glory of all the kingdoms of the world right then and there. Jesus would not need to suffer and die so that people would follow him. All he had to do was pay homage to Satan. But Jesus refused to be manipulated and, in the long run, to manipulate others. He refused to take away their free will to choose to follow him.

Finally, the tempter challenged Jesus to prove himself to be the Son of God through his own risk taking; to toss himself from the highest point of the temple in Jerusalem in expectation that his life would be saved by his Father, the Lord God. But Jesus refused this short-cut to prove he was the Son of God. He refused to put God to the test. Rather he would continue on the road which would lead to Jerusalem, where he would be put on trial, executed, and would rise again to show what God’s love was truly all about.

Here, as we once more begin the season of Lent, we are reminded of the three temptations of Jesus the Christ and of the three temptations each one of us must also face. The temptations which focus on me as an individual; on my relationships with others; and my relationship with God. The three temptations, proposed by the false advocate, are countered by the three loves required by the true advocate.

Consider, if you will, how the first temptation of turning a stone into bread relates to my own nourishment and my own senses. In my own life, am I tempted to make use of fake nourishment for my senses? During this Lent, must I become aware of my own addictions to diets, drinks and drugs? Do I abuse my own body, my own self, through my own actions, my own thoughts, my own words? What heavy stone do I consume in the belief that it is nourishing bread? Do I truly love myself?

Consider the second temptation. Jesus was offered the short-cut of freely being given power over others in exchange for taking away their own freedom of choice. During this Lent, must I become aware of how I manipulate others through my actions and attitudes, though my use of anger and intimidation, through my whining and complaining. Do I manipulate the love of others by withholding my own love? Do I show a lack of respect for others? Do I use my position to try to control others? From what mountain top do I view the kingdoms around me and believe that I, alone, deserve all of the power and glory? Do I truly love my neighbor?

Consider the third temptation. What is my own relationship with God and how do I test him? During this Lent, must I become aware of the risks I take in the expectation that no matter how foolish I am, God will rescue me? Do I dare God to show himself in order to prove his love for me? Do I despair in God and test him by believing that my problems are so great that he cannot, or will not, help me to overcome them? On what high temple do I stand and demand that God show his love for me? Do I truly love my God and know that he loves me?

During these next forty days of Lent, each of us will continue on our journey, on our wanderings in the desert of our temptations, until we reach Jerusalem for the final testing and the final reward. But during this time of the three temptations, we also must carry with us the three memories that Moses related to God’s people on their journey from Egypt to the promised land.

In our first reading, Moses reminded the Israelites of their afflictions in the land of Egypt: how they were maltreated and oppressed. Secondly, he reminded them how they cried out to the Lord God for their rescue, their salvation. And finally he reminded them how the Lord God responded with his strong hand and outstretched arm. And so as we make our individual journey through the desert of our temptations, our Exodus from captivity to freedom, we need to recognize our own distress and suffering. We need to cry out to our Lord God in our own prayer. We need to recall how God our Father does hear our prayer and how, in his love, he responds to our needs.

Finally, Saint Paul also has a reminder for us on this first Sunday of Lent. He reminds us: “The word is near you, in your mouth, and in your heart. … Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

And so it is that on our journey this year, and all of the remaining days of our life, we are urged not to take the fake short-cuts that are offered as temptations to reach our goal more quickly. Instead we journey together as a people who love God and neighbor as our self. And who know that Jerusalem is our destiny.

First Sunday in Lent; March 5, 1995
Dt 26: 4-10; Rom 10:8-13; Lk 4:1-13

Testing Belief

Today’s question is a very basic one. The answer may be difficult for some people. The question is this: what must you do to be saved? What’s necessary for salvation … for being with God in heaven?

As I said the response for some people may be a hard one to formulate. However, many of our Protestant brothers and sisters have an immediate response. They quote the passage heard in today’s reading from Saint Paul’s letter to the Romans: “… if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

I certainly do not disagree with this response. Believing deeply within yourself that God raised Jesus from the dead; that our incarnated God suffered and died for us, is resurrected and is with us now through the love of the Holy Spirit … these beliefs are, indeed, the foundation for our salvation, our redemption.

And from this fundamental belief should arise the other half of this statement: to confess out loud, to profess publically that Jesus is the Lord.
● To believe and to confess,
● To believe and to bear witness,
● To believe and to teach others so that they, too, may come to believe
… these are necessary actions for our own salvation history … the path we should follow to be an active member of the Kingdom of God.

I would expect that the vast majority of us, if not all of us participating in this Mass, are among those who believe in the Resurrection of Jesus the Christ. However, not all of us take part in the other requirement: once having this belief, we are to spread the good news. We are to bear witness to others. We are to teach others so that they, too, may come to believe.

We may fall short in this action for several reasons. We may think we’re not sufficiently prepared to teach, to lead others so that they too may come to believe. Feeling unprepared, we think we’re not able to spread the good news. We don’t know how to do it … or even where and when to do it.

As you might guess … the staff of Christ the Good Shepherd is here to help you. On Monday evening, our Faith Formation team will conduct a gathering of those who would like to learn more about our catechetical ministry during this coming year and how you can actively be part of those who – in the words of Saint Paul – “confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord.”

A few minutes ago, I asked the question: what is necessary for salvation? And I gave the short answer by quoting a line from Saint Paul: “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Although I completely agree with this positive-action response, I would suggest we might take a closer look at some other actions we should either avoid or consider, in order to strengthen our belief and imitate Jesus more closely – especially as we begin another Lenten period: a period, a time, given to us for reflection on our relationship with him in preparation for the celebration of Easter – and his Resurrection we proclaim. Today’s gospel from Luke gives us some hints on what we should do. We heard about the three temptations of Jesus in the desert. We might also think of them as three related “tests” that he underwent. Remember: The Lord’s Prayer which pleads: “Lead us not into Temptation” can also be translated as a request: “Let us not be put to the test.”

Just what were these temptations – these ways in which Jesus was tested by the devil? What are our own temptations? In what ways are the responses of our own free-will decisions being tested?

In the first temptation we heard how Jesus was tempted to turn stones into bread through his own authority as the Son of God. He was hungry, having been fasting in the desert for forty days. His test was to take the physical stones and turn them into food to feed himself. But he refused. He chose not to use stones as false food.

And what about us? What are the stones and what is the bread in our own lives? How are we tempted to take inanimate objects and turn them into the basic needs of our life? When Jesus was being tested, he said: “One does not live by bread alone.”

What do we really need to live a full life? Is our hunger for a new electronic device the “bread” that drives our desires? Even with economic difficulties, are material possessions the things which motivate us? Or does love of family, love of those depending upon us … are these the conditions motivating us during times of difficulty? Do we try to satisfy our hunger with stones that look like bread but offer no real nourishment?

In the second test the devil offers Jesus all of the power in the world, if only Jesus will worship him. Jesus can gain control of the world and all those in it without having to suffer and die. He can reach his goal with no effort on his own part. All he has to do is worship Satan. And what about us? How do we seek the easy way out in trying to reach our own goals? Do we bargain with the devil to have control over others? Do we use coercion to get our own way at work or at home? When Jesus was being tested, he said: “You shall worship the Lord, your God, and him alone shall you serve.”

Do we serve the Lord God or do we serve someone else? Something else? What power trips are we on? How can turning to the Lord God, effect our own power trips, our behavior, our control issues? Do we make our own free-will decisions to increase our own power, our own economic desires, or do we follow and serve the Lord God by serving others who are in need?

In the third test the devil tells Jesus that there is nothing that can harm him. Satan tempts him by saying that even if Jesus jumps from the highest point of the temple in Jerusalem, God will send his angels to protect him from suffering any harm. And what about us? What hazardous behaviors do we exhibit with the expectation that we will not be harmed by them? – that in some miraculous way, God will protect us, no matter how foolishly we behave. When Jesus was being tested, he said: “You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.”

Do we put God to the test by our own self-destructive behaviors, believing that God will not allow us to be harmed? Do we believe we cannot be effected by any addictions; that excessive gambling will not bring harm to us and those we love; that excessive drinking or using so-called “recreational” drugs will not influence our health and behavior, because God will protect us? Do we recognize there are many foolish actions we perform that are as potentially harmful as jumping from a tall building? Do we attempt to test God’s love for us by using our free-will to undertake actions we know are detrimental, but we do anyway?

In the weeks between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday, we’re given opportunities to examine what we do and why we do it. We can use this time to look at those events in our lives that tempt us, that test us. In this process of a self-examination of our lives, we need to remember that we are not alone.

We must continue to recall that Jesus (Emanuel) is the Lord who is with us. He is with us in the beliefs we hold in our innermost being – in our hearts – and that we are to proclaim not only with our lips but also with all of our outward behaviors: Jesus is our Lord and Savior. Amen.

1st Sunday of Lent; February 21, 2010
Dt 26:4-10; Rom 10:8-13; Lk 4:1-13

Theophany

What was the high point of your life? The best day of your life? The day when you said, like in the commercial: “It doesn’t get any better than this.” A day you wanted to last forever.

A long time ago, there were three guys who had a day like that. But unlike in the beer commercial, they had not been out fishing all day. Although as you might have guessed, they had done a lot of fishing in their life but usually for profit, rather than for entertainment. However, they had given up fishing several months before that special day happened.

That particular day, they had been out praying with a friend. Can you remember the last time you and two or three friends went out for an entire day of prayer? You say it’s been a while. Well, those three ex-fishermen never thought they would be praying as much as they had prayed during those past few months. But there they were, once again, on a mountain top, praying, when they experienced a theophany. When was the last time you had a theophanic experience? Do you even know someone who has ever had one?

Oh, you’re not sure what one is? I guess theophanies haven’t been reported too much in the news lately. Well, those three guys had never taken part in one before, either. But they knew a lot about them. One of their relatives many years before, had been part of one. A theophany, in case your haven’t figured it out, is when God or a manifestation of God, appears directly to a human being.

Centuries ago, one of their ancestors, a man by the name of Abraham, although then he was called just Abram, had a direct involvement with God. It was the time when God promised a new land to Abram and said Abram would have as many descendants as there were stars in the sky. But Abram was well into his eighties and had no children, so he wasn’t too sure that even God could do it. So God made a sacred agreement with Abram. God and Abram “cut a covenant.”

That’s what Abram literally did. He cut in half a cow, a female goat and a male sheep and put the split sides next to each other on a stone altar. Right away, Abram had a big problem, because flocks of vultures tired to carry the meat away; but Abram drove them off. Can you see him, swinging a shepherd’s staff and keeping those birds away from the dead animals lying on that rock in the hot sun all day long?

Now just before sunset the theophany happened. One minute it was dusk, and the next minute there was absolute darkness. Suddenly, there was a flaming torch and a smoking fire-pot right there in front of him. That torch and that fire-pot went right down the middle of each of those cut-apart animals. Now, that’s what the word covenant means: passing between the parts of a split-apart offering. Then, he heard God say that all of the land between Egypt and the Euphrates river belonged to him and to his descendants. Which was great. except that later on, when Abraham had two sons, the first born, named Ishmael, whose mother was a slave, and a second born, named Isaac, whose mother was Abraham’s legitimate wife, Sarah, a big problem came up. His legitimate wife, Sarah, made Abraham send Ishmael and his mother away, into the deserts of Arabia, so that her own son, Isaac, would inherit the land. Well, the descendants of Ishmael and of Isaac to this very day haven’t been able to agree on who owns the land which God, whose name is Allah or Yahweh, gave to the children of Abraham. But that’s another story.

The one I was talking about was the one about the three men who had been out praying with their friend, and experienced a manifestation of God. There they were. They had spent a whole day in prayer. When all of a sudden, they saw their friend talking with Moses and with Elijah.

Now I’m sure some of you are wondering: how did those guys know it was Moses and Elijah? Well, there aren’t too many people who have that extra glow around their heads like Moses was said to have or who wear animal skins like the prophet Elijah. Somehow, they knew that they saw the man who represented Jewish law and the man who was the greatest of all the prophets. So, our three fishermen saw their friend, the man they called teacher and master, talking with the embodiment of the law and of the prophets, the two pillars of their society, the two men who represented their past.

Now, what were they talking about? They were talking about “… his passage which he was about to fulfill in Jerusalem.” Only the Greek text uses a different word for “passage”. In Greek, the word is “exodus“. For the three men watching and listening to all of this, the word “exodus” had a very special meaning. Exodus meant all of the journey, all of the trials and tribulations of their people in going from captivity in Egypt to freedom in the promised land. Exodus would lead to the fulfillment of the promise God made to Abraham so long ago.

The three men were overwhelmed by what they saw and heard. One of them, the one who always seemed to speak first, even when he wasn’t sure of what to say, blurted out that they should preserve the moment. They should commemorate it by building three tents as shrines there on the mountain. One for Moses, one for Elijah, and one for their teacher who surely must now be as great as Moses or Elijah … as great as the law and the prophets.

Another word for tent is tabernacle. Which is why the tabernacle in our chapel is shaped like a tent. And why CGS has a round shape like a tent. A tent was also the place of Yahweh before the temple had been built by Solomon. The Ark of the Covenant was kept in a tent for generations before the temple was built. When God came down to that tent, it was covered by a hugh cloud so that the people would know that the Lord God was present in the tent, just like when the cloud covered Mount Sinai when Moses received the law from the Lord God. A tent was a holy place. What better way was there to honor their teacher and master than to erect a tent for him?

But then the theophany occurred. From the cloud which overshadowed them, a cloud like the one from Mount Sinai and the Ark of the Covenant, from such a cloud, they heard the voice of God say: “This is my son, my chosen one. Listen to him.”

“Listen to him” And what did he say? That it was OK to build a tent for him here on this mountain? That this moment should be preserved forever as a monument to the past and the present instant? That there should be a continuation of the law and the prophets? Or did he say that they should move on from here? That the Law, that Torah, was about to be fulfilled. That what had been promised by the prophets was about to be accomplished. Had he not said something like that when he first spoke in the synagogue? The time of salvation described by Isaiah was now being fulfilled in their hearing.

According to all three gospel writers who record this Transfiguration, a week before this event on the mountain, Jesus had predicted that he must go to Jerusalem where he would suffer, die and be raised from the dead. None of his friends had understood him a week ago. Peter had protested that, if this were to be the case, they should not go to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover, the Exodus of their ancestors. But Jesus had become angry and had even called Peter, “Satan,” a false advisor or councilor, when he suggested that Jesus should not continue his journey, his Exodus.

Now, on this mountain, their God had spoken to them. The Lord God told them to listen to this man who is his Son, the Chosen One, the Anointed One, the Messiah. And this man, this Messiah, said that they must continue on the way. That he must endure the suffering. That the perceived end would only be the beginning. That death is followed by life rather than life being concluded by death.

Their teacher and friend told them it is not sufficient to say: “This is as good as it gets. Let’s stop here.” Their master suggested it is not appropriate to celebrate the past and hold on too tightly to the present. The Son of God said it is necessary to “journey to Jerusalem” even when it is known that great suffering will occur. Because after the pain, there is the resurrection. After the dying to self, there is the rebirth in the spirit.

Here at the beginning of Lent, a period which points not only to the hill of Golgotha but also to the garden with an empty tomb, it is well that we are reminded we cannot always remain safely on the mountain-top. We cannot be tied to the past nor to the present temporary glory of a transfiguration; but we need to continue on our own “journey to Jerusalem.” We are called from our mountain-tops to journey in the real world, to listen to what is said by our teacher, master and friend, our Lord who reminds us that this present theophany, with all of it’s apparent glory, is nothing compared to what awaits those who are a Resurrection people.

Second Sunday of Lent; March 15, 1992
Gn 15:5-12, 17-18; Phil 3:17-4:1; Lk 9:28-36

Language

Today’s question is about scripture, about the New Testament in particular and the Jewish writings as well. My question is this: in what language was the New Testament written? Of course, the answer is: Greek. And I have a second question: in the time of Christ, what language was used, routinely, for the writings of the Hebrew testament?

Maybe that sounds like a trick question. The “Hebrew” testament should be written in “Hebrew,” shouldn’t it? Or maybe “Aramaic,” an early form of Hebrew. But I said “routinely” … commonly, and the answer is also: Greek. The ancient Jewish texts were translated by Jewish scholars into Greek some 150 to 200 years before the time of Christ. It’s possible the scrolls Jesus read in the synagogue in Nazareth where written in Greek.

At that time, Greek, not Latin, was the common language spoken by those who used other, native languages, much as English is used today throughout the world as the language of commerce and trade. Latin wasn’t commonly used throughout the Roman Empire until several hundred years after the time of Christ. It was about 384 AD when St Jerome translated the Greek bible into Latin, into what became known as the “Vulgate” or common language version.

So the Jews of the time of Jesus were familiar with the Greek version of the story we heard about Abram or Abraham, found in the Book of Genesis. In this reading we heard how the Lord God initiated a Covenant with Abram, who later became know as Abraham. It was the Lord God who made two promises to Abram.
● The first promise was that Abraham’s descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky. Since Abraham was at least in his 80’s and had no children, this was a difficult promise for him to believe.
● The second promise was that the Lord God would give Abraham and his descendants all of the land between the Nile and the Euphrates rivers. In return Abraham and his descendants would love the Lord God as their only God.

To seal this covenant, this special relationship between the Lord God and Abraham, the two of them performed an ancient ritual. Abraham split apart a young cow, a young goat and a young ram. And the Lord God in the form of a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between the split pieces, which is the literal meaning of the word “covenant.”

And so this special relationship, this covenant, was initiated by God and was accepted by Abraham and his descendants. The only problem was that there were two sets of descendants.
● Those from Ishmael, the first-born son of Abraham and the slave woman, Hagar, and
● Those from his second son, Isaac, with Sarah, his free-born wife.

The offspring of the first-born, Ishmael, are today’s Arabs. Those of the second-born, Isaac, are the Jews of today. And so both groups believe that the land between the Nile and the Euphrates rivers was given to them by the Lord God through the covenant made by God with their common father, Abraham.

That’s the problem with a covenant. Once it is initiated by the Lord God, it cannot be broken. Each time the Israelites wandered away from the path on which they had started with Abraham, each time they were going astray, the Lord God sent a prophet to them: one who spoke on behalf of the Lord God, to call them back to the path, to their relationship with one another.
● A prophet like Moses, who led them from slavery to freedom in their Exodus from Egypt to the land of Canaan.
● Or a prophet like Elijah, who spoke to the Israelites when they thought of turning away from the Lord God to follow false gods, the Baals. It was this Moses and this Elijah we read about in today’s gospel:
● Moses, the one who heard the commandments of the Lord God and conveyed this renewed covenant to the Israelites in the desert
● And Elijah, the major prophet of the desert who was taken up to heaven in a fiery chariot until he would re-appear at the beginning of the new age of the Messiah.

They stood with Jesus there on the mountain where they discussed the new Exodus, the new journey, the new Passover to occur in Jerusalem. Exactly what they discussed about the Passion of Christ, about his suffering, is not given in today’s reading. But we do know that the Lord God, himself, acknowledged what they said, when the voice from heaven proclaimed: “This is my chosen Son; listen to him.”

And so began the final renewal of the covenant initiated by the Lord God. This new covenant made through Jesus the Christ. This new covenant confirmed through the Pascal Mystery: the life, the suffering, the death and the resurrection of Jesus the Christ, the Messiah, the Anointed One, the Chosen One.

At each and every mass, we hear the words spoken by Jesus some two thousand years ago, when the celebrant elevates the chalice and says: “Take this, all of you, and drink from it: this is the cup of my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant. It will be shed for you and for all so that sins may be forgiven. Do this in memory of me.”

The covenant initiated by God with Abraham, renewed with Moses, has been brought to fulfillment through Jesus the Christ. The covenant for the chosen people of God has now been expanded to include “all” – everyone. Everyone has been saved and forgiven by the blood of Christ, now and forever. The Exodus, the journey begun by Abraham when he went from the Ur of the Chaldeans to Canaan, the Exodus led by Moses from Egypt to that same Holy Land, is ending with the Exodus, the journey to Jerusalem made by Jesus the Christ.

But it has not yet been completed. Not quite. All of us are still on that journey. Saint Paul in his letter to the citizens of Philippi reminded them, and us, that: “… our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we also await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. He will change our lowly body to conform with his glorified body “

Yes, Peter, John and James saw the Transfiguration of Christ, the glory of the Son of God that would result from the New Covenant made in his blood. But we, too, must change; must conform ourselves to his body and blood. In the days ahead of us, in the weeks of this Lent, in all the time left to each of us, we are to conform ourselves to Christ. We are to set aside our hatreds, our prejudices: all those things that prevent us from forgiving, accepting and loving all others. We are to practice the ancient acts of prayer, fasting and almsgiving.
● We are to take time to be with God.
● We are to put aside the distractions of this secular world.
● We are to help those less fortunate.
● We are to join him on his journey in and toward the Kingdom.

It is not essential whether we hear about him in ancient Aramaic or Hebrew; in ancient Greek or Latin; or in modern English or Spanish, so long as we recall the words spoken on the mountain: “This is my chosen son; listen to him.”

Second Sunday of Lent; March 7, 2004
Gn 15:5-12, 17-18; Phil 3:17-4:1; Lk 8:28b-36

Boring Bush

Well, yesterday was St Patrick’s Day and tomorrow the Italians have their turn with St Joseph’s Day, so you might expect I have a question about leprechauns or shamrocks or a St Joseph’s table; but I don’t. Instead, I have a question about Lent. After all, this is the Third Sunday of Lent. In only three more weeks we’ll be at Palm Sunday and the beginning of Holy Week. And so, I have a mid-Lent question for you. My question is this: “Are you bored with Lent?”

Are you bored with not eating between meals? You thought you might lose a little weight in the process; but you haven’t. Or are you bored with going without desserts or alcohol? You thought maybe you should suffer a little bit during Lent; but when the opportunity was presented, you gave in. Or maybe you tried to give up a bad habit: like smoking, or cussing; but you really don’t feel any better and you’re bored with the effort it takes. Or maybe you have tried to form a good habit: like being part of our Disciples in Mission Program; but it doesn’t seem as if you’re making much progress in becoming part of the group and you’re bored with doing the preparation each week.

You’ve even tried praying every day; but somehow, the holy feeling you were hoping for; well, it just isn’t there. And so Lent has become boring. Or perhaps it’s not Lent you’re bored with. Perhaps, it’s life, in general! Are you bored with life?

One day is very much like the one before it and no doubt, much like the one tomorrow. You get up in the morning and you feel as if you never really went to bed. It will be the same old stuff at work, today. The same old boring meals. Preparing them; eating them; cleaning up afterwards.

You think back on the good old days: days of your youth, when things were more exciting; when you felt more alive. Except. Except the teenager sitting beside you is just as bored. It’s the same old classes. The same old gossip of who is seeing who, or who has broken up with who. Nothing really new; no really good stuff. Everything is – b-o-r-e-i-n-g.

On the other hand, a lot of business is based on us being bored. Advertisers know how bored we are, and they tell us: all we need to do is buy something new. A new, different kind of car, maybe a truck. Something that will add new “zing” to our life. Maybe a new breakfast cereal or a new, improved laundry product that will add brightness to all the pretty and delicate things we wear. Things we wear. Maybe I should go out and buy some new clothes. After all, Easter is coming. And everyone buys new clothes for Easter. Maybe some shopping will get me out of my boredom.

Or maybe it’s not that I’m bored with Lent or bored with life. Maybe, just maybe, I’m bored with God! What I really want is a “burning bush experience.” Like the one Moses had; the one we heard about in our first reading. With that kind of experience, I would never be bored again. If only I could see God, like Moses did; hear the voice of God, like Moses did. If only I knew what God wanted of me, like Moses did. Then I would not be bored with life; let alone, Lent.

Yes, that’s what I really want out of Lent but haven’t gotten. I’ve wanted a burning bush experience of God and I haven’t had one. Here it is: the Third Sunday of Lent and nothing has changed; nothing has happened. And so, like a good secular Catholic, I tell myself: well, maybe I haven’t worked at it hard enough.

After all, if I’m bored with life, I’m told to try something new; buy something new; start something new. If I don’t want to be bored, I have to start a new project. So maybe I won’t be bored with Lent or bored with God, if I start a new religious-type project. Maybe I should do more for other people. Maybe I should start helping to build houses for the homeless? Or maybe help out in soup kitchens down in the poor sections of Houston?

Maybe I should pray harder. Maybe I should tell God more often how much I love him and rely upon him.
● Maybe then – I’ll start to feel good.
● Maybe then – I’ll start to feel that God is in my life.
● Maybe then – I’ll find God.
● Maybe then – I’ll find that burning bush.
● Maybe if I search harder, do more, I can find it like Moses did.

But there is only one problem with that. Moses wasn’t searching for any burning bush. Rather, the burning bush was searching for Moses. All Moses had to do was see it there before him. After all, Moses was doing what he had been doing every day of his life for the last forty years. He was wandering in the desert, tending not his own flock but taking care of the sheep owned by his father-in-law. It was then he saw something different, something that broke into his boredom of hot days and cold nights in the desert.

When he saw that strange sight, he could have walked away. But being bored there in the desert, he approached the burning bush to see what was going on. He did not expect to encounter the God of Abraham, of Isaac, of Jacob. Certainly, he did not expect to meet, face-to-face, with anyone called: “I am who am.”

Moses wasn’t searching for God. Instead, he found the burning bush that God placed in front of him. And maybe, just maybe, there is a “burning bush” right now in front of me. Maybe the Lord God is waiting right now for me to approach the holy ground on which he waits; but I am too pre-occupied with my daily boredom, the routine tending of my flock, of my daily responsibilities, to really notice my own burning bush.

So what should I do? Perhaps I need to think less about a burning bush and more about a poor fig tree. In today’s gospel, Jesus told his friends a parable about a fig tree. He spoke of an impatient man who wanted to uproot a fig tree that merely took up space in his garden; a tree that produced no fruit; that was apparently good for nothing. A boring, little fig tree. But then his gardener, the one who cared for and loved the trees and vines and plants that grew in the garden, his gardener advised him that perhaps a bit of nurturing would help. Nurturing, continuing to provide the essentials of life and waiting. With nurturing, the little fig tree might blossom and bear fruit.

Maybe, I need to be like both the gardener and the tree he tends. Maybe I need to nurture and allow myself to be nurtured. But how do I do that?

Do that? Perhaps by doing less; by searching less; and relaxing more. Maybe I need to learn how to float, to float with God. Do you remember learning to float? Most people learn to float when they’re kids. But I didn’t grow up near any lakes or oceans. Back then there weren’t neighborhood swimming pools. So, I was in my twenties before I learned how to float.

When you’re an adult and learning how to do it, you think you need to be an “active” floater; that you need to do something to keep from sinking. But what you really need to do is – relax. Relax and let the water carry you. The more you struggle, the more you sink. Yes, there are slight movements of the hands and feet; but nothing major. The less you do, the better you float.

Floating is creative boredom. It is doing nothing active but allowing the water to comfort you; allowing yourself to become one with the water around you. Praying is like that. Praying is floating with God. It’s not what I say; but rather, it’s being quiet and just listening – listening to the silence – until God speaks, speaks from the burning bush.

Praying is becoming fully aware of life …
● It is seeing: really seeing the blossoming trees or the birds in flight across a cloudless sky.
● It is feeling: feeling the morning fog.
● It is touching: touching the hand of a friend; or the lips of a loved one touching you. ● It is hearing: hearing the sounds of bells on the wind or the giggles of children.
● It is smelling: taking in the aroma of incense during a Lenten mass.

And in the process, becoming part of the burning bush that God places before me. The burning bush I do not search for. The one he gives me. A burning bush that once was a boring, little fig tree but with nurturing; with loving care given by me, by others, and by God, grows beyond the cross to become the tree of everlasting life.

Third Sunday of Lent; March 18, 2001
Ex 3:1-8a, 13-15; 1 Cor 10:1-6, 10-12; Lk 13:1-9

Reruns

Today’s question is another easy one. How many of you enjoy watching reruns? How many of you have seen the same episode of “Law and Order” or one of the various “CSI” productions more than once? Mainly when you couldn’t find anything else of interest on the usual channels.

When we watch a rerun, we often know how it’s going to end, especially after the first few minutes – while we’re trying to remember the plotline. And when we do recall the next scene, it allows us to focus on other things we might have missed the first time around. That’s the advantage of reruns. They allow us to focus on elements we might have missed during our first exposure.

For almost every one of us, today’s gospel reading is a rerun. I doubt if there are any here today who have not heard the parable of the Prodigal Son at least once before in your life. For many of us, it’s considerably more than once. And so, when we hear the opening lines, we know exactly how it’s going to end. Many of us could probably tell the story, almost verbatim, to someone else. We know that it’s a parable about reconciliation, about a reunion of a father and a wandering son. About returning home. Actually, all three readings for today have the same theme: reconciliation, reunion, returning home.

In our first reading from the Book of Joshua we heard how the Israelites finally reached Canaan, following their Exodus from Egypt. Having completed their last Passover of the Exodus, they now ate of the yield of the Promised Land and no longer depended on manna from heaven. They had returned home to begin a new life.

Paul in his letter to the Corinthians also spoke of a new life, a new creation in which God has reconciled us to himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation. It is through Christ that we are reconciled with God, that we are reunited to him, that we have returned home to him.

And then there is, of course, the parable Jesus addressed to the Pharisees and scribes, those who complained about Jesus being reconciled with sinners with whom he dined. Jesus who dared to reconcile himself with tax collectors who gathered money on behalf of the perceived enemy, the Roman Empire.

Jesus spoke about the young man who recognized the errors of his ways and desired to return home. A young man who had demanded his share of his inheritance from his still-living father. And now, in a time of disastrous results, he wanted to return to the life he once had, even if it meant that he must now work as a servant and not enjoy his former place as the favorite, younger son.

This young man is not unlike many of us today. Is there not one of us who wishes, to some extent or another, to return to a place of comfort which we lost through our own errors, our own failures? Have I not wished from time to time, that real life could be like a computer game in which, when I have failed to accomplish what I set out to do, I could hit the re-boot button and start again without any penalties?

However, in Jesus’ parable, the young man did not desire to re-start his life. He did not want to begin where he had left off before everything went bad. He merely wanted to be forgiven. He was willing to accept any conditions necessary in order to be reunited with his family.

And then there is his father, the one who knew immediately that his returning son was repentant, that he was, indeed, sorry for his actions, for his errors that had led to his failures. The father, who rushed out to meet the returning son. The father who desired to celebrate his son’s return. The father who wanted to have a tremendous banquet to celebrate their reconciliation, their reunion.

And then there is the elder brother, the one who had no desire for reconciliation. The one who wanted a continuing revenge for the perceived injuries to his own pride. The one who had always, without any hesitation, been loved by their father. Yet he remained the resentful brother, who like the Pharisees, was jealous of the interaction of the always-loving father with those who, having been lost, desired to change and to return home.

When we hear this story, there are those among us who become the younger son. Those who recognize that through our own demands and actions we have injured ourselves and others. Those who are estranged from themselves, from their co-workers, from their friends or from their family. Those who are contrite about what they have done or failed to do in their own relationships; and now seek reconciliation within themselves, or with others, or with God.

There may also be among us those who, having been hurt by someone we once loved, now seek only a continuation of the hurt. There are those who, like the elder brother … and the scribes and Pharisees … desire revenge rather than reunion. There are those in our society who seek continuing abandonment of those who have offended us by supposedly squandering the resources generously allotted to them.

Here in the middle of the journey we call Lent, each of us knows what time and talents we, ourselves, have squandered; what treasures we have mis-spent. We know which gifts God, our Father, has given us. Gifts we, ourselves, have lost or wasted. We know what broken relationships need to be mended. Here in the middle of this journey of Lent, we are, once more, given the opportunity to recall how we have become estranged from our own selves, from others, and from God. How we now desire to make amends. How we are contrite, sorry for what we have allowed to happen. How we desire reconciliation.

It is through Christ that we, in the words of Paul, have been given “the ministry of reconciliation” and entrusted with the “message of reconciliation.” A feast of reunion, of reconciliation, awaits each one of us. An Easter banquet awaits each of us. But first, we need to begin our homeward journey. Now is the time to stop watching reruns of our own lives and race towards a reunion, a reconciliation with our own self, with others, and with God, our forgiving Father.

Fourth Sunday of Lent; March 18, 2007
Jos 5:9a, 10-12; 2 Cor 5:17-21; Lk 15:103, 11-32

Believing Thomas

I have a celestial question for you. How many of you have seen Halley’s comet? How many believe it’s really out there? As you might guess, today’s reflection Is not about comets; but it is about seeing and believing. However, it’s not a matter of seeing and then believing. Rather it’s a question of: what do I believe without seeing? Or more specifically, what do I believe about an empty tomb and the man it once held.

Last Sunday, Easter Sunday, the gospel reading was about that empty tomb. Now, currently, it’s a week later, but our gospel reading for today begins on the evening of Easter Sunday when the disciples were gathered together, frightened, confused, excited. You might close your eyes and imagine what it was like back then.

Can you feel the tension in the air? Some of the women said they saw Jesus this morning. Yet maybe, they didn’t see him. It’s true the tomb is empty. Anyone can see that. But where is his body? Who could have taken it? What about that story Cleopas told us: how Jesus met the two of them on the way to Emmaus, but they didn’t recognize him until he had broken bread with them. How would you react if suddenly in the midst of this confusion, Jesus stood there and said: “Shalom, peace be with you”?

But you weren’t there: and neither was I. And neither was Thomas. That is really what our reflection is to be about today: what does Thomas have to tell me about who I am and, more importantly, who I am called to be? What can I learn from Thomas about courage and about belief? Usually Thomas is referred to as “doubting” Thomas, a name with a very negative image. Yet, I see Thomas in a more positive light. In fact, there are times when I wish I were more like Thomas. Why do I say that? Well, let’s take a closer look at him.

In the first place, Thomas could not be forced into believing. He could not be told by others what to think! Thomas stood up for his own beliefs. It took courage for him to stand up to the other disciples and not accept what they had told him. After all, they had been friends for many months now. They had seen the master perform many wonders. Wouldn’t it have been easier for Thomas to agree that the Lord was risen? Surely, Thomas should have accepted what his friends told him. After all, don’t I accept whatever my friends tell me!

Unlike Thomas, how many times am I afraid to say what I really believe for fear of not being accepted, for fear of being rejected? How many times do I allow things to happen I know are wrong, because I lack the courage to speak out? How often am I afraid to express my opinion, because it is not the same as what my friends say? How often do I even fail to make a decision, because I don’t want to annoy others? Even in small things. Karen asks me whether I want to go to a Mexican or a Chinese restaurant and I say “I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine.

How easy it is to remain silent when I hear people putting someone down in a joke, because of their race or sex or age. How easy It is not to say anything about how something should be done until after it’s done and then become annoyed because it wasn’t done my way. Yes, there are many times I wish I were more like Thomas who had the courage to tell his closest friends: “I cannot accept what you are saying just because it is you who say it.”

There is another time when Thomas also showed his courage. The very first time we hear him speak in John’s gospel. And it was on a similar occasion. He was with Jesus and the other disciples when they heard the devastating news that Lazarus was sick unto death. Before they left for Bethany to go to Mary and Martha and Lazarus, there had been a heated discussion about the meaning of the journey. The other disciples didn’t want Jesus to go near Jerusalem for fear the Jews would kill him. But finally, Jesus told them that Lazarus was dead and that he must go back for their
sakes so that the disciples, themselves, would believe in him.

It was at that moment that “… Thomas said to his fellow disciples, let us go along, to die with him.” It’s this response that makes me think that Thomas had the courage of his convictions at all times. It’s also this story about Lazarus that prepares us for what happens in today’s gospel reading when Thomas finally did see Jesus. And that is the most Important part of today’ s story. Thomas has much to tell us about belief as well as about courage.

Thomas, along with the other disciples, had already seen someone raised from the dead. Thomas had seen Jesus call Lazarus from the tomb. For Thomas, there should have been no difficulty in accepting that Jesus, too, had returned from the dead. Yet, Thomas did hold back. Somehow, he seemed to sense that if Jesus had returned, it was not quite like what had happened to Lazarus. Thomas had seen the nails being driven into those hands and the lance piercing the side of his friend. He said he wanted to probe those holes with his own finger, with his own hand. Now, he was being given the opportunity to do just that, to poke his own finger into the holes, to thrust his hand into the hole made by the lance. But he did not! Instead, when he saw Jesus he cried out: “My Lord and my God.”

The story we heard today is not about a doubting Thomas, but rather about a believing Thomas. We do not know what the other disciples said or what they believed when they saw the risen Jesus, but we do know exactly what Thomas said and what he believed. This was no re-animated corpse returned from a tomb. This man was not like Lazarus. For Thomas, the person he experienced could be described only as “My Lord and my God.”

Perhaps it was at that moment that Thomas remembered what his friend had told him during the last meal they had shared. You see, there are three times when Thomas speaks in John’s gospel. One of those times occurred during the last supper. Jesus had just told them: “In my father’s house there are many dwelling places … I am indeed going to prepare a place for you, and then I shall come back to take you with me, that were I am you also may be. You know the way that leads where I go.” “Lord”, said Thomas, “We do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus told him: “I am the way. And the truth. And the life. No one comes to the Father but through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father also. From this point on you know him: you have seen him.”

Could it be that upon seeing Jesus in that room, Thomas remembered his words and was able to cry out in his total belief: “My Lord and my God.” For me, Thomas is not the doubter but the true believer. Yet, he is more than that. Thomas is always called “the twin”. This raises the question: who is his twin? Who is the other part of Thomas? I believe each of us is the twin. I am his twin. You are his twin. Perhaps each of us needs to be more like our twin. Perhaps, like Thomas, I need to remember how I have experienced his presence. For while it is true that I have not seen him with my eyes, I have experienced him in my life, in those around me, and in my self.

Like Thomas, I continue to seek. To ask questions. And also like Thomas, I need to recognize I must go beyond the facts, beyond the holes I want to probe so I can reach the signs, themselves. I must see beyond the appearance of bread and wine to reach his body and blood. I must see beyond the rags of the poor and the wounds of the suffering to reach the Christ within each person.

I have not seen Halley’s comet: yet I accept that it is there. I will not be able to see it the next time it comes: yet, I accept that it will return. If I can accept all this on the word of others and of my own understanding of nature, is it not also possible for me to accept the words of others and my understanding of God? Within my heart, can I not see the empty tomb and know that he is, risen. That he is with me now? Questions about comets are less important than a final question: What does it take for us to cry out with Thomas, the believer: “My Lord and my God!”?


Second Sunday of Easter; April 6, 1986
Acts 5:12-16; Rev 1:9-11, 12-13, 17-19; Jn 20:19-31

Walking Up Stairs Backwards

Have you ever walked up a set of stairs backwards? Most of you would probably claim that you haven’t. I admit, it would be a strange sight. There are other things we try to do backwards in our lives that are almost as strange. This reflection is about one of them: we so often try to find joy, by walking backwards. We try climbing to greater heights by looking backwards. This is why I wanted you to think for a moment about trying to climb a flight of stairs backwards. The focus for today’s reflection is about the correct way to walk up those stairs; how to reach the joy which awaits us at the top of the stairs.

A week ago we celebrated the joy of Easter, the joy of the risen Christ. The question is: Do you still feel that joy? For some, it may be another question: Have I ever truly felt the joy of Easter? For many of us this is the season of new beginnings. Spring is associated with birth, with new buds and flowers. With happiness. But for others, we look around us and all we can really say is “April fool!” We can be caught up not by the joy of blue skies and pink azaleas but rather by fears and doubts.

Fears and doubts are all around us. When you think about our national economy, are you concerned about how safe your money is in your bank? If you leave your house, are you afraid some teenagers will come into your home looking for easy items to carry off so they can support their drug addiction? At the same time, are you really all that comfortable when you think of the next air trip you must take? Will it be sky-jacked by terrorists? Will there be a bomb in the cargo compartment? Will the wings fall off even if there are no terrorist attempts? Our modern life is filled with fears and doubts. It can be difficult, indeed, to retain any level of joy about anything, let alone a joy about the risen Christ.

Some two thousand years ago, in a large city in the Middle East, a group of peasants were huddled together. These fishermen, tax collectors and reformed women of the streets were gathered behind locked doors. They did not worry about money in the bank. They were not concerned about having their meager possessions stolen. Their friend and companion had been killed by the authorities. Every sound in the street below made them uneasy. Like many people in Latin America or in Africa or the Middle East of today, these men and women feared for their own lives; that they would be the next ones to be taken out, given a mock trial, and put to death.

We know the story so well. We have heard it so often. How, suddenly, Jesus stood in their midst. Can we really imagine the madness, the turmoil of that meeting? How would you react if a loved one who had died, suddenly entered your dining room late at night? I don’t think your first response would be joy. Mine would be outright fear. Is it no wonder that the first words Jesus spoke were: “Peace be with you.” Jesus, who knew his friends so well, gave immediate comfort to them. It is then, with his peace upon them and in him, that they could set aside their fears and now rejoice. Their fear became peace. Their peace became their joy. And that is the way to climb the stair. One needs to begin with peace. Only then can anyone find joy.

It sounds so easy, doesn’t it: from peace comes joy. Yet it is so difficult to do. It calls for further reflection. It calls for Thomas and the second week. Again you know the story. You heard it once more, only a few minutes ago: how Thomas was not there when Jesus first appeared to the other disciples. How he doubted what they had to tell him about the appearance of their master. How Thomas wanted direct physical proof of the risen Jesus.

The story goes on. “A week later, the disciples were once more in the room, and this time Thomas was with them. Despite the locked doors, Jesus came and stood before them.” I ask you, did you notice that the doors were locked the second time Jesus came to them? We sometimes like to think that once Jesus appeared and had breathed upon them, the disciples became fearless. But it didn’t work out that way. They were still in fear. The doors were still locked. The joy of last week had dissipated. They were right back where they were before he had come to them.

Perhaps we can take heart from this observation. We may have been caught up in the joy of Easter last week. We hoped that this joy would continue to be with us. Now a week after Easter, all that remains are stale jelly beans and a few broken bits of a chocolate bunny. The true joy of meeting the risen Christ has melted away. It would seem that the disciples may have suffered the same post-Easter reaction. When Jesus left them, they began to leave him, again.

And so we return to Thomas. To a friend of Jesus. A friend who needed proof. When Jesus did appear, when Thomas did see him, Thomas did not need to touch his hands and his side. Merely upon seeing him, Thomas’s immediate response was: “My Lord and my God.” His belief led to peace and his peace became joy. That is the way to climb the stairs.

Like Thomas, we need to work on our doubts and our fears. When I am joyous it is easy for me to have no doubts and fears. What I struggle to remember is that post-resurrection joy can be very fleeting. The joy of Christ’s salvation comes from my peace; and my peace comes from my faith in his goodness. His resurrection joy is not a magical gift he bestows. The gifts he gives are rather the gifts of faith, of trust, of hope. From these come his peace; and from his peace, comes the joy of Easter.

His followers learned that trust and hope, faith and belief are essential. The conclusion of today’s reading and that of John’s gospel from which this reading is taken says: “Jesus performed many other signs as well … signs not recorded here … in the presence of his disciples. But these have been recorded to help you believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, so that through this faith you may have life in his name.”

In order to believe, humans have always demanded signs and wonders. Our first reading from the Acts of the Apostles begins by saying: “Through the hands of the apostles, many signs and wonders occurred among the people.” It goes on: “The people carried the sick into the streets and laid them on cots and mattresses, so that when Peter passed by, at least his shadow might fall on one or another of them.”

Yet, these same people still had their fears. This same reading tells how the disciples gathered now in public at the place in the temple called “Solomon’s portico”. Yet, it goes on to say: “no one else dared to join them, despite the fact that the people held them in great esteem.” Even signs and wonders do not eradicate fear. The people came for cures but were still afraid to appear in public with the followers of the risen Christ. Once more it would seem that only trust drives out fear. That belief leads to peace. And from this peace, comes joy. It is not, however, signs and wonders which lead us to trust and to believe. Rather it is the help of others. I began by asking if you have ever climbed a set of stairs backwards. Your first response probably was that you would never do anything as silly as that. Yet many of us have tried to do just that: walk up a flight of stairs backwards – while holding onto a bulky piece of furniture, with a friend down below, holding onto the other end.

When I have done that, I trust that the friend will not let go of the furniture. That I will be guided carefully by my friend. I trust my friend will help me and not cause me to move too fast or too slow. Often, however, I don’t climb backwards with my load. Instead, I turn around so I can see where I am going. Even then, if I should turn around and carry my load behind me, I trust that my friend who helps me carry my load is still with me. I continue to trust, to believe in my friend even when I can’t see him. I know he’s still there, with me; helping me to reach the top of the stairs. Somehow, as you climb your own stairs to reach the joy that awaits you, you believe your friend is right there with you, every step of the way.

Second Sunday of Easter; April 2, 1989
Acts 5:12-16; Rev 1:9-11, 12-13, 17-19; Jn 20:19-31

Fat Lady

For today’s question I’d invite you to complete a well-known saying. At least I think it’s well-known. The saying I’d like you to complete begins like this: “It ain’t over until … ‘’ or if you prefer the full version: “The opera ain’t over until …”

That’s right. “…until the fat lady sings.” “It ain’t over until the fat lady sings.” Have you ever wondered where that saying comes from? I was sure it had something to do with Kate Smith, who always ended her programs by singing “God Bless America.” (How many of you remember Kate Smith?) Or maybe it had something to do with the idea that every opera seems to end with a rotund soprano singing a song, while undergoing a long death scene.

Well, to be sure, I asked our daughter, who is a reference librarian at the San Antonio public library. She knew the answer even without checking; but she found a written reference anyway, in a book entitled: “Nice Guys Finish Seventh.” The saying about the “fat lady” is usually attributed to Dick Motta, a basketball coach who used it in the late seventies about the Washington Bullets. But he got it from Dan Cook, a San Antonio sportscaster, which is why our daughter knew who should be credited with the expression.

However, when she did her research, she found the original saying goes back to the early fifties and central Louisiana where it was said: “Church ain’t out ‘till the fat lady sings.” Now fortunately, things are a little bit different here at Christ the Good Shepherd. But the basic question is still valid: if not about church and operas, it’s still valid about life in general.

How do you know when a major event is over? Or getting around to today’s gospel reading: how do you know when Easter is over? And what happens now? Peter had this problem. How do you know when everything that really matters in life is now over? Completed. Finished. And then what?

For Peter, he thought that everything was over on that cold night when he stood warming his hands at the bonfire in the courtyard of the high priest. It was then that he had denied knowing his friend, and his Lord, not once, but three times. He had denied his friend and left him to die on the cross. He had run away. Surely, for Peter, everything had ended. There could be nothing worse. But there was.

It happened when Mary Magdalene came running back with the news that the tomb where they had buried Jesus was now empty. Someone had stolen his body. When Peter, himself, peered into the empty tomb, he was sure it was now over. All the dreams of the kingdom had vanished away there in the empty tomb. Now Peter was positive that everything had truly ended.

But then there was that evening in the upper room, when it seemed that perhaps it was not yet over. That evening when Jesus suddenly appeared among them even though the doors had been locked. And a week later when Jesus appeared for the second time.

But then there was nothing more. Jesus had not returned again. Everything was, indeed, over. And so Peter and his fishermen friends returned north to Galilee and the sea where it had all begun. They returned to do what they had always done. To fish. To carry on where they had so abruptly left off when they heard that first call of Jesus. Here on the sea, they might be able to forget all that might have been, to forget dreams of the Kingdom of God. Until …

Until that daybreak when they heard another voice calling to them in the morning mist. When in the light of the rising sun, they recognized their Lord who now invited them to another meal, a breakfast of fish and of broken bread. Yet, Peter found that it was still not over. His friend asked him a question: the most important question that anyone could ask: “Do you love me?” And Peter replied: “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” And Jesus said: “Feed my lambs.

It was still not over. A second time, the same question was asked: “Do you love me?” And the same answer given: ”Yes, lord, you know that I love you.” And Jesus said: “Tend my sheep.” And it was still not over. A third time, the same question, the same response. And the same command: “Feed my sheep.”

Perhaps it was then that Peter realized it is not enough merely to say: “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” It is not enough merely to speak the words. Now he knew it is time to demonstrate that love. Now is the time to carry on the work that Jesus had started. Now is the time to realize that the task Jesus started is never “over.” Our journey into the kingdom is never completed. That to love Jesus means that we must feed his lambs, tend his sheep.

Now is the time for us to recall that the last words spoken by Jesus the Lord in today’s gospel are these: “Follow me.” Now is the time to recall that it is not over until we hear: “… the voices of every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea; everything in the universe singing …. To the one seated on the throne, and to the lamb, be praise and honor, glory and might, for ever and ever!” And to this, our only possible response is: … so be it … “Amen.”

Third Sunday of Easter; April 26, 1998
Acts 5:27-32, 40-41; Rev 5:11-14; Jn 21:1 -19

Three Virtues

Today’s question is a catechetical one. It comes from both the old “Baltimore Catechism” and the new “Catechism of the Catholic Church.” It’s this: What are the three theological virtues? What are the three major graces given to us by God? Yes, they are, of course: faith, hope and charity (or love). Faith, hope, and love are the three gifts we heard about in our three readings for today. Faith, a gift which relates to our past, Hope, a gift for our future, and Love, a gift for our present.

Our first reading is from Luke’s Acts of the Apostles. Luke writes about the past, about what the apostles Paul and Barnabas did on their missionary journeys. He wrote about how they exhorted new Christians, new disciples of Christ “… to persevere in the faith” given to them. In today’s reading, Luke recalled how Paul and Barnabas appointed elders in each of the communities, the churches, they established and how they “… commended them to the Lord in whom they had put their faith.” Luke recalled how, when Paul and Barnabas returned to Antioch, the founding home of the first Christians, how these two apostles “… reported what God had done with them and how he had opened the door of faith to the gentiles.”

And what is this “door of faith” opened by God, this gift of God given to us in the virtue called faith? To have faith is to believe that God exists, that this God is good, that all God has given us is good, that all of creation is good. It is through the gift of faith that we read our salvation history and know that God is our origin: God is our past.

And it is through the gift, the virtue of hope, we believe we know with our entire being that God is also our future. The Father who created us has sent us the Holy Spirit to lead us into the future and this future is good, no matter how difficult the past might seem. The kingdom of God is our destiny.

We, and the early Christians, heard about this future hope in our second reading from John’s book of Revelation. We heard how the sea, the chaos of the present world, would be no more. We heard how the Jerusalem of Israel, the most holy place on this earth for those first Christians, would be no more. Instead, there would be a “new Jerusalem,” a new city of beauty, of stability, and of light: a light emanating from the Lamb of God, himself. And in this city, God would dwell alongside its residents. In this new city, God “… will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, for the old order has passed away.”

But what about the present? This time when chaos still exists, when there is still death and mourning, when there is still wailing and pain. Still there are tears. How do we survive in this present between the time of the faith of the first Christians until the time of the hope for the “new Jerusalem?”

The answer, the only answer, comes in our gospel reading. God has gifted us not only with faith and hope but, most importantly, with the gift of love. And it is a special kind of love. Love for one another. Jesus spoke these words to his disciples, his friends and to us: “As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

“Love for one another.” This love makes the present tolerable. This love allows us to wait in hope for the new Jerusalem. “Love one another as I have loved you.” But what kind of love did Jesus, himself, practice? Just how are we to love one another?

Given that this weekend we celebrate Mother’s Day, I would suggest that perhaps the love of a mother for her child is much like the love of Jesus for his friends. With maternal love, one loves the offspring for who the child is and not for who the child will become. Not for what you do, or will do, for me. Not for what you have done or have accomplished; but rather that you exist, merely that you are. Maternal love says: I love you because you have been an intimate part of me and yet you are now your own person.

Nurturing love, maternal love, promotes growth and independence; yet it has a concern about separation and potential harm to the beloved. It is both a protecting love and a releasing love. Maternal love both embraces and yet it frees one from bondage.

The love Jesus gave to his friends, and to us, is love with forgiveness. It is love which exists even when the lover knows that the beloved is less than what the beloved is capable of being. Jesus showed us from his cross that forgiveness is not approval of what is wrongly done so much as it is loving someone without considering what the person has done wrong. Love with forgiveness is starting over, time after time, without harboring feelings of ill-will about the past.
It is with this kind of love that Christians are to await the coming of the “new Jerusalem.” It is with the faith, hope and love of a mother for her child that we live out the new commandment, the new order: “Love one another – as I have loved you.”

Fifth Sunday of Easter; May 9, 2004 (Mothers’ Day)
Acts 14:21-27; Rev 21:1-5a; Jn 13:31-33a, 34-35

Peace

Today’s question is really not so much a question as it is a request for you to use your imagination. For a moment, I would invite you to reflect on “peace.” What are your own, personal images of peace? For me, a personal image of peace is: floating on a rubber raft on warm gulf waters, looking up at the clouds drifting by. For someone else, it might be sitting on a warm rock on the side of a mountain, overlooking a green valley, far below. Or your personal image of peace might include sitting in the semi-darkness of a quiet church, seeing the glow of candles and praying, quietly.

For many of us, an image of peace would include tranquility, serenity, silence: a harmony of me with God. For others, peace would be seen as the absence of warfare or of other conflict. Peace would be a harmony of me and others, with other people. Yet we recognize how difficult it has always been to achieve this earthly peace. In our first reading for today from the Acts of the Apostles, we were reminded that the early Christian community had its own conflicts. We heard about how hard it was for them to set aside the teachings of Moses and put into practice the new teachings of Jesus.

To resolve the problem, it was necessary to have almost an “enforced” harmony. The message sent by the Council of Jerusalem was clear: the Holy Spirit and we have spoken, and this is the way we are going to do things. Is this what is meant by peace: the absence of conflict because each person is commanded to do the same thing? Or does peace, especially the peace of Christ, mean more than the absence of conflict, more than the warm fuzzies of tranquility, serenity and silence?

Today, as we approach Ascension Thursday and Pentecost, we are called, once more, to reflect on the “peace of Christ.” We are reminded that each one of us is offered the gift of the “peace of Christ.” But how can you have the “peace of Christ” when you are told you no longer have a job? How can you have any kind of peace when you learn that your son or daughter is into drugs? How can you be at peace while waiting for the doctor’s diagnosis? Where is the “peace of Christ” when you are sitting at the side of a dying friend? Where is the peace of Christ in Bosnia, in Africa, in the Middle East, in the heartland of the United States? It would seem that the peace of Christ is not found in the world’s peace, with all of its warfare and lack of tranquility, with all of it’s shrill cries. But rather, we need to seek the “peace of Christ” in the injunction: “fear not” and in the hope: “be not afraid.”

This quest to “be not afraid” is keenly expressed in a small, best-selling book written by pope John Paul II. The central theme of his book, entitled, “Crossing the Threshold of Hope,” is that of – “be not afraid”. He used this theme in his first homily delivered in 1978. What does it really mean: “be not afraid?”

For an answer, perhaps we need to begin with our own childhood. A major fear for every child is the fear of abandonment, of being deserted, of being left alone: unloved, unwanted. It is a fear that follows each of us throughout our lives. This fear of being left alone: motherless, fatherless, without a friend or companion was also felt two-thousand years ago by the disciples as they ate with Jesus during his final meal on earth. Jesus also recognized this fear among his friends, among those he loved, and so in today’s gospel reading we hear him give a gift to them, a gift we call “the peace of Christ.”

He said to them: “‘Peace’ is my farewell to you, my peace is my gift to you; I do not give it you as the world gives peace. Do not be distressed or fearful.” He then goes on to tell them that when he goes to the Father, he will send the Paraclete, the Holy Spirit, not to teach them anything new but rather, to remind them of all that he has already told them. Jesus, their friend, their Lord and master, would not abandon his friends. He will not, he has not, abandoned us. He has sent to us a counselor, a friend, an advocate: one who will guide us and instruct us and remind us. One who will walk with us, one who will help us to be not afraid.

On the night he was betrayed, he gave us the gift of his peace. This peace of Christ is not images of warm fuzzies. This peace of Christ is not even the absence of conflict. Rather the peace of Christ gives us the hope: be not afraid. Be not afraid when a job is lost; when trouble comes to a loved one. Fear not, when we are ill or when a loved one dies.

The peace of Christ accompanies us when we are true to the words of Christ and put into action his instructions to heal, to reconcile, to love. For in today’s reading we were also reminded: “Those who love me will keep my word … and my Father will love them …, and we will come to them … and make our home with them.” This, then, is the peace of Christ we wish to each person around us during our Eucharistic celebration: be not afraid, the Lord is with you.

At the beginning of the Easter season, we heard certain words that are still valid as we complete this season of Easter and continue our journey beyond his resurrection, our journey towards the New Jerusalem. When we entered this darkened church at Easter Vigil, we sang the words: “The light of Christ surrounds us; the love of Christ enfolds us; the power of Christ protects us; the presence of Christ watches over us.” Taken together this is, indeed, the peace of Christ, which says: be not afraid, I give you my peace: shalom.

Sixth Sunday of Easter; May 21, 1995
Acts 15:1-2, 22-29; Rev 21: 10-14, 22-23; Jn 14:23-29

Graduation

My question for today has several possible answers, even though it’s a simple one. It’s this: During your entire life, how many graduations have you participated in? How many commencements have you seen? Given that this is the time for celebrations for young men and women who are leaving their high school or college years behind them, you might think that my question is prompted by these events. And of course, it is. But it’s also prompted by today’s gospel reading.

Although many of you have been, or will soon be, subjected to at least one graduation or commencement address, you may not recognize that we have just listened to an excerpt, an important excerpt at that, of a very special commencement address. It is the address that was Jesus’ final sermon, his final speech, given to his friends shortly before he left them.

At first you may not think it’s a graduation speech. But it really is. Like almost every other commencement speaker, Jesus reminds his listeners about the past, the times they spent together, and he prepares them for the future, the next step in their life-long journey. And that is, indeed, what a graduation, a commencement is all about. It is truly the stepping forth to a new life. It is the beginning of a new pathway. It is a change from what is known to a world that is unknown.

Perhaps, now, you would now like to change the answer to the question I asked. Perhaps you would agree with me that a graduation, a commencement, is more than completing high school or college. Rather, it marks a transition in your life. There are many transitions in our lives. Many new beginnings. Many times we have changed significantly.

Perhaps the first time is at our Baptism, when we became a Christian, whether as a child or an adult, when the Holy Spirit entered into us in a very special way. First Communion and Confirmation, both of which some of you have recently celebrated, mark other major changes when Christ and the Holy Spirit have again commenced a new life in us in very special ways.

But there are other transitions in our lives. For the young, it may be the transition from elementary school to middle school or from middle school to high school. And as we said, the usual transition from high school or from college. And with each change, there comes a series of questions: questions that are more important than the one I asked you a few minutes ago.

The questions which come with transitions are very scary questions. Questions like: what comes next? What happens now? All those scary questions about how do I change from a secure past to an unknown future? But these questions and the transitions, the changes, that cause them, go beyond high school and college commencement exercises of young adults.

For the “not-as-young,” for parents and other adults, there are transitions that may involve moving a household from one part of town to another, from one city to another. Whether you are preparing to leave Christ the Good Shepherd or are about to join us, there are all those uncertainties about the new place and how will it compare with the one you loved so much?

And whether or not you change the location of your home, there may be a change of employment or of economic status. Each of us hopes that the change will be a good one, that the job for which I interviewed will still be there when I’m ready to start working, that the company in which I have invested my time and energy will not explode like some dot-com but will continue to see my value and may even recognize I merit an increase in my salary.

For others, there are transitions involving relationships. This is the season for marriages, for young brides and grooms. Unfortunately, it may also be the season for separations and divorces. It is always the season for changes in relationships, of finding new lovers and beloveds, of losing old lovers and those we loved.

It is always the season for aging, for a transition from those who run daily to those who now jog weekly. For baby-boomers who deny that they are now eligible to be members of the AARP. For those of us who have retired from a particular career but not from an active life. It is always the season for dying, for passing from this life to the next. We are indeed, constantly undergoing a series of transitions until we make that final transition … and return home to a loving God.

But in the meantime, how do we look at the changes in our life. Or more importantly, how do we react to them? Do we reject them with fear? Or do we accept them with hope? Do we preserve the past and become attached to the world as it was? Or do we seek the future and participate in the world as it now is and is likely to become? These are not new questions. They’re evident in the three readings we heard today.

In the first reading from the Acts of the Apostles, we heard how there was dissension among the early followers of Christ. Part of the group wanted to follow all of the dictates of the Mosaic Laws and continue the rituals and dietary practices of the Jews while still accepting Jesus as the Messiah, the Chosen One of God. Others maintained that Christ had died and had risen from the dead in order to free them from such rituals and practices. And so a meeting was held in Jerusalem and a message sent by the apostles to the Christians of Antioch. However, all of the conflict did not end. There were those who continued to hold firm to the past and were reluctant to change.

We get another glimmer of these attitudes in the reading we heard from the Book of Revelation. We, again, heard about the New Jerusalem from heaven that would replace the old Jerusalem of earth. Yet this New Jerusalem continued to have gateways that depended on the past. The twelve gates to the new city are inscribed with the names of the twelve tribes of the Israelites, of the peoples who are the ancestors of all Christians. At the same time, this New Jerusalem is surrounded and defended by a wall with twelve levels of stonework and each level of this protecting wall bears the name of one of the apostles.

Although this New Jerusalem, the city in which we all aspire to live, although it has its historic ties to the Israelites and the apostles, it has no ritualistic temple of the past, but rather it has the lamb, itself. This city has no need for either artificial light nor the light of the sun and the moon, since its lamp is now the Lamb of God. The old remains, yet all is new. Events are in transition.

Yes, the early Christians suffered persecution as they changed from the way of their ancestors to the path of the risen Christ. They had their own problems with their transitions. And how did they handle them? How did they survive? The answer rests in the commencement address, the graduation speech delivered by Christ before he left his disciples. Let me read, once more, a few lines of what Jesus said to them: “Whoever loves me will keep my word, And my father will love him, And we will come to him and make our dwelling with him. … I have told you this while I am with you. The advocate, the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in my name, Will teach you everything; And remind you of all that I told you. Peace I leave you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.”

My peace I give to you.” Yes, we exchange these words at every Eucharistic celebration. But do we appreciate what we are being given? Some of us may say: but I am not really at peace. I feel weighed down by the changes in my life. I do not feel secure with the future. I want to stay where I am, to preserve what I know to be true. I do not want to give up the comforts I have known.

The disciples felt the same way. They did not want to hear Jesus tell them he was going away from them; that he was returning to the Father. And Jesus, understanding their fear, reassured them. It was his own peace, his own blessing, his own “shalom” that he gave them. His peace was not peace as the world understood it. It was not the peace of absolute harmony and tranquility. There would still be conflicts among them. They would still be physically hungry, cold and ill. They would still experience trials and tribulations.

Yet there is now a difference. Although Jesus would no longer be there to comfort them, he promised to send the Holy Spirit as the new comforter, the new guardian, the true advocate who would strengthen and defend them: the one who would teach them and remind them of all they had been taught.

Next Sunday, we will celebrate the Ascension of our Lord. We will celebrate the day when he physically left this world, left his followers, left us. And then, a week later we will celebrate Pentecost, the day when the Holy Spirit descended upon those he loved, descended upon us.

Yes, there are many graduations in our lives: times when we need to step forth from a secure life to a life of uncertainty. And yes, there are many commencements in our lives: times of new beginnings and of dramatic changes. But in each graduation, in each commencement we must continue to hear the words spoken by Jesus the Christ: “I send you the holy spirit. My peace I give to you. Be not afraid.”

Sixth Sunday of Easter; May 20, 2001
Acts 15: 1-2, 22-29; Rev 21:10-14, 22-23; Jn 14:23-29

Mother Church

Today’s question has no one, single answer. It’s a question each of us needs to ponder separately. The question is this: what do you think about when you hear the word “church?” Just what is a “church?” Now some of you may think about a particular structure, a building. Perhaps Christ the Good Shepherd. Or maybe in your mind, you see the image of a classical, little, white church in the country. Or maybe for you, the word “church” conveys a mind’s eye view of a Gothic Cathedral, like St Patrick’s in New York City. And yet, we all recognize that the word “church” means more than a building.

Sometimes we speak not of “a” church, but rather “the” church. We say this when we want to focus on the people who make up the church as a community, rather than as a building. If you’ve taken any adult education classes with me, you’ve heard me speak about the “ecclesia,” the gathering of the people. You may also have heard about different “models” of the church. Avery Dulles, a Jesuit priest and theologian who became a U.S. Cardinal, wrote a significant book on this subject, called “Models of the Church.

He wrote it at a time when the major model, the major way of looking at the church, the people of God at the time of Vatican II, was that of the “institutional church.” Prior to Vatican II, the focus for the Roman Catholic Church was as an institution, one established by Christ, himself, as a hierarchy of clergy and laity. A gathering, perhaps, but one governed by the Pope through archbishops, bishops and priests. The function of the rest of the gathering was to pray and to obey.

Fr. Dulles said there are other ways to look at the church, the ecclesia, the gathering of the people. He proposed several alternate models. He proposed that, together, we make up a “mystical community.” By that, he didn’t mean some weird sort of mysticism, not a so-called “new age” gathering of people with wooly heads in some other universe. Rather he referred to an image going back to St Paul, in which all of us make up the mystical body of Christ, in which we are the members of his body with Christ as our head. It’s an image at the opposite end of the spectrum from that of an institutional church ruled by clergy with the laity as mere subjects.

Fr. Dulles proposed other “models” for consideration. He also saw the church as “sacrament.” The church is a visible sign of an invisible reality. As with all sacraments, the church confers grace, God’s gift of His love to a community of believers. But Fr. Dulles also cautioned that an over-reliance on this model could lead to a problem. It could create a community which was focused only on itself; one that saw no reason for an outreach to others who were not yet believers within the community.

So Fr. Dulles proposed another model, one he called “the church as Herald.” A herald in the ancient world was a man who proclaimed the message of the one who sends him forth. We, as church, under this model, are to proclaim the message of Christ. We are to proclaim that the Kingdom of God has begun. Many Christians incorporate this model when they say that to be saved, one must “believe in your heart and profess with your lips that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior.”

However, Fr. Dulles also pointed out that a reliance on this model of the church as Herald had its own limitations. For many people, the mission of the church is more than preaching about Jesus the Christ. It is more than just being his herald. For them, the mission of the church is becoming actively involved in serving others. And so, Fr. Dulles proposed a model of the church as “Servant of God.” In this model, you must put into practice what you preach. In this model, the church works for social justice and has a preferential treatment for the poor, the marginalized.

Of course, what Fr. Dulles concludes in his book is that there is no one, perfect model of the church. We can probably agree that the Catholic church indeed has elements of being an institutional church, with specific roles performed by one group that cannot be performed by another. We also, I think, acknowledge that the church is the mystical body of Christ with us as members of that body and Christ is our head. There are those who are called to be heralds and proclaim the message. There are those who are called to lives of service for others. The church means many things, has many roles for each of us.

Now some of you may be wondering why I’ve focused today on the models of the church. The church as institution, as sacrament, as mystical community, as herald and as servant. I’ve done this for several reasons. First of all there are the readings for today and for the next few Sundays to come, as we prepare for the completion of the Easter Season. Next week we celebrate the Ascension. And then Pentecost, the birthday of the church. For these Sundays, our first readings are taken from the Acts of the Apostles: those times when the followers of Christ first gathered together as a community, as a church.

Today we heard how the church grew beyond its Jewish origins, beyond its original dietary laws, so that it became the church of gentiles as well. It was in Antioch, you will recall, that our church, our gathering, became known as Christians. In today’s second reading we heard about the new Jerusalem, the new community come down from heaven, in which there is no temple structure: no building to contain the glory of God, but rather the whole city, the whole community, “had no need for sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gave it light, and its lamp was the lamb.” Yes, the temple-limited God had become the city enlightened by Christ, himself.

And in our gospel reading we heard, once more, how upon returning to the Father – Jesus and his Father would send forth the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, to teach us everything and remind us of all that he had told us. So it seemed to me that today would be a good day to have us reflect on the models of the church, what analogies we might use to describe the church.

And in this light, there is another model I want to mention. It is an ancient model of the church which we also need to recall. Especially today, when we celebrate mothers’ day. How many of you recall the time when we spoke of the church as “Holy Mother Church?” And just what do we mean when we think of this model?
● Consider those mothers who gave us life. Who gave us our new breath. From whom we were born.
● Consider those mothers who nourished and nurtured us. Those who provided for our every want and need … even when we were obstinate and refused the love they offered.
● Consider those mothers who comforted us, who cradled and hugged away our tears and hurts.
● Consider those mothers who forgave us when we did things we should not have done. Those mothers who showered us with love and mercy we did not merit … that we need not earn.
● Consider those mothers we tend to take for granted, whom we honor only once or twice a year, when, in fact, we owe everything we are, or hope to be, to them.

Yes, these are the women whom we love and honor in a special way today … but really should love and honor every day. And so today, as we celebrate Mothers’ Day, a day dedicated to those women in our lives who have meant so much to us, I would also suggest that we take a moment to recall our debt of gratitude not only to them but to Holy Mother Church, as well. And remember the words spoken to us a few minutes ago: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” May the peace of Christ be with you. May motherly love be with you. May our Holy Mother Church be with you.

Sixth Sunday of Easter; May 13, 2007 (Mothers’ Day)
Acts 15: 1-2, 22-29; Rev 21:10-14, 22-23; Jn 14:23-29

Transitions

There are all sorts of questions I could ask you about today’s readings. For instance, I could ask: Who is this “Stephen” we heard about in the first reading and why was he stoned to death? Or who was this “Saul” that guarded the cloaks of those doing the stoning?

Many of you, I’m sure, know that Stephen was the first deacon chosen by the twelve apostles. Shortly after being chosen, he gave a major sermon about Moses and how Jesus had fulfilled the Law of Moses and now stood at the right hand of God. The Jews loyal to the Law called his words blasphemy and covered their ears so they would not hear him. Others stoned him to death. And so deacon Stephen became the first martyr for Christ and perhaps, a role model for our own deacon Steve who, in a few days, is celebrating the twentieth anniversary of his own ordination.

Again, most of you know that Saul was the name of Saint Paul before he became a follower of the risen Christ and a major leader among the first Christians. The “Acts of the Apostles,” from which our First Reading was taken, emphasizes this strange conflict of someone who is a witness to the persecutions of the first Christians becoming, later on, a champion of Jesus the Christ.

With the Second Reading from the Book of Revelation, there are several more questions possible. For instance: why in his appearance to John does Jesus refer to himself as the “Alpha and the Omega?” For the answer you might recall that in the Greek alphabet, alpha is, of course, the first letter and omega is the last. So, when Jesus says he is the “alpha and the omega,” he means he is the beginning and the end of everything.

There are other questions I could ask about today’s readings. How about this one? What is the last word found in the Christian scriptures? We heard this word in today’s Second Reading. When Jesus said: “Yes, I am coming soon!” The narrator responds with the final words: “Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!” These words are important whether you hear them in English or in the original Aramaic Jesus spoke. And, yes, many of you have heard those words: “Come, Lord Jesus” in Aramaic. In this language the phrase is “… “marana tha.” It’s the name we use here at Christ the Good shepherd for our RCIA program: Maranatha, the process followed by our candidates and catechumens who enter our community at the Easter vigil.

OK, I admit I’ve spent a lot of time today on questions, what may seem to be a variety of questions. But, in reality, they all relate to one theme I would like to consider for the next few minutes. The theme of “transitions.”

This is a time of transitions. Not just one transition but many transitions. For the young, it may be the transition from elementary school to middle school or from middle school to high school. This month and next are the months for graduations from high school and from college. The questions that come with these transitions are more relevant, perhaps, than the ones I asked today. All of those questions about what comes next? What happens now? All those scary questions about how do I make transitions from a secure past to an unknown future?

For the not so young, there are transitions that may involve moving a household from one part of town to another, from one city to another. Whether you are preparing to leave Christ the Good Shepherd or are about to join us, there are all those uncertain questions about the new place and how will it compare with the one you loved so much?

For others, there are transitions that involve relationships. This is the season for marriages, for young brides and grooms. Unfortunately, it may also be the season for separations and divorces. It is always the season for changes in relationships, of finding a new lover, a new beloved, of losing old lovers and those we loved.

This month the diocese of Galveston-Houston is honoring our older members. Since I’m in that group I’m not going to say it’s the time to honor the elderly or the aged, but merely those who are eligible to be members of the AARP. We, too, have our times for transitions and the difficulties associated with them. Transitions of retirement from jobs but not from life. Yet there are also those transitions from the life we know to the life for which we hope for ourselves and for those we love. This Memorial Day weekend, in particular, we think about – and pray for – those who have passed through the gateway to a new life.

Yes, there are many transitions for us to contemplate. And as a reminder of this season of transitions, we have illuminated our oil lamp, here on our altar, a symbol to call to mind all of the transitions we must weather; a symbol to light our way through potential storms and darkness.

But in this season of transitions we have more than a mere symbol of a burning oil lamp to guide us. We also have the reality of what we heard Jesus say in our third reading for this Sunday, this Sunday between Ascension and Pentecost, this transition between the Jesus who comforted his friends in the past and the Holy Spirit he sends to comfort us as our companion on the way ahead.

In our gospel reading we heard amazing words. We heard that Jesus prays for us: for you and for me. On that night before his suffering and death, before his own transition, Jesus prayed for us and spoke other amazing words. He assured us that God the Father loves us, you and me, just as much as God the Father loves Jesus, himself. Jesus said:
“I do not pray for my disciples alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their word. — that they may be one, as we are one — I living in them, you living in me — that their unity may be complete. So shall the world know that you sent me, and that you loved them as you loved me.”

We began today with the story of Stephen, the first deacon and the first martyr and his sermon on the transition from the Law of Moses to the fulfilment of that law in Jesus the Christ. We were reminded of Saul and his own transition to Saint Paul. We recalled that Jesus revealed that he is both the beginning and the end; that he is with God at the creation and that he awaits us when we return to the creator; that everything in between is a transition; that we come from God the Father and return to God the Father.

And last of all: we are reminded, that, in these “between times,” in these days of transition, God loves each one of us as a child of God; that in these days of waiting for complete unity, our final oneness, our prayer continues to be: “Maranatha … Come, Lord Jesus, Come.”

Seventh Sunday of Easter; May 24, 1998 (Memorial Day)
Acts 7:55-60; Rev 22:12-14, 16-17,20; Jn 17:20-26

Ascension Viewpoints

My question for today is about hobbies. It’s straight forward. How many of you like to take photographs, especially with a digital camera? Or for the younger ones here … with a cell phone. It seems a lot of us like to take pictures of the events happening around us. Some to preserve the moment; others to share with friends and relatives.

Recently Karen and I took a two-week vacation … a river-boat cruise on the Danube in Eastern Europe. Fortunately the Icelandic volcano did not effect our return through London. While on this trip, we took a lot of photographs. Between the two of us we had over 300 electronic captures of what we saw. As you might imagine, we have multiple versions of several important places we visited. I suppose this is true for you, too. With modern equipment it’s easy to photograph the same place … or the same event … from many different viewpoints. And while they all show the same thing, in general, there are different results because of new angles or slight differences in time.

I think many of us realize these same conditions relate to the Scriptures. A single event can be recorded from slightly different viewpoints. The event, itself, is real … it is a true and one-time-only event … but it can be seen in slightly different ways, even if written by the same person, let alone four different gospel writers. We see this happening in two of today’s readings. Both the first reading and the gospel reading are accounts of a single event reported by Saint Luke.

Today’s gospel reading comes from the conclusion of Luke’s reporting to someone named Theophilus. St Luke talks about the Ascension of our Lord as the concluding event of Jesus’ life on this earth – of the events happening between the time of his baptism by John, at the beginning of his ministry, until the completion of his ministry on earth.

In his Second writing to Theophilus – which Luke compiled several years after he wrote his gospel – Luke begins with the Ascension of our Lord as a prelude to Pentecost and the beginning of the Church, the beginning of the mission of his followers who are to be sent forth to spread the Good News. We heard this message in our first reading for today, a message contained in the opening lines of the Acts of the Apostles.

Yes, today we celebrate one event: the Ascension of Our Lord. But we hear about this event in two distinct versions … like two photographs taken by the same person from different angels, different viewpoints.

In both stories, we hear about the event which takes Jesus the Christ from our sight. Have you ever wondered what would it be like if he had not ascended; if his physical, resurrected body were still present on the earth?

It would, indeed, be a different world. For one thing, there would probably be no doubt about who he is! He would still be here in bodily form to be seen and heard directly. Many of us might believe this would be great. If he were still here physically, he’d be able to perform miracles for all those who came in contact with him. Surely there would be peace and joy on the planet. There would be no more wars, no more suffering.

There would, also, be no need for our Free Will. Jesus would be here to tell us directly what we must do to find eternal life with him. Of course, we might have a problem getting close enough for him to be with each one of us. Not everyone would be able to crowd into Jerusalem — or any other place, for that matter, where he would be staying. With a physical, albeit, resurrected body, Jesus would still be limited by time and space — by physical laws.

And yes, without an Ascension, without Christ’s physical separation from this world, we would have no need for a Pentecost. No need for the Holy Spirit. No need for Eucharist! But this fantasy world did not occur. Jesus did leave his followers. And in his place, he and his Father sent them the Holy Spirit, the manifestation of their love for one another and for us.

For nine days, for the period of a novena, his friends thought they might have been abandoned, even though he had assured them that they should stay in Jerusalem until they were “clothed with power from on high.”

And he fulfilled his promise. Next week we will celebrate the fulfilment of this promise. Next week, we celebrate Pentecost, the sending of the Holy Spirit upon his followers who preached the Good News — his disciples who made it possible for us to receive the Holy Spirit as well — who made it possible for us to receive Eucharist.

Without an Ascension, without a physical separation from the world, Jesus the Christ would be limited by the constraints of time and space. But with his Ascension and with the presence of the Holy Spirit in the world – and within each one of us – Jesus can be present to each and every one of us at the same moment.

With his Ascension to God the Father, Jesus Christ, the Second Person of our Trinitarian God, graciously promised the coming of the Holy Spirit until he, himself, returned physically to us, at the end of time. Meanwhile, we are to continue the work he began.

In his gospel, Luke spoke of the events of the earthly life of Jesus. In his Acts of the Apostles, Luke speaks of the events of the life of the Church, the body of Christ existing in physical form along with the spiritual head of this one body of Christ.

We are sent forth to the ends of the earth as witnesses of his life, passion, death and resurrection. We are not forced to do so. We are given free will to accept or reject his call to us. By accepting his call, we are to be his physical presence on earth. We are to continue to accomplish his task; we are to perform his ongoing miracles. With his guidance, we are to change ourselves and the world around us.

We no longer see Jesus with our physical eyes. Rather, Saint Paul offers up his prayer for us: “May the eyes of your hearts be enlightened, that you may know what is the hope that belongs to his call, what are the riches of glory in the inheritance among the holy ones, and what is the surpassing greatness of his power for us who believe.

At the same time, let us also recall the question spoken to those gathered on a hillside in Bethany some two thousand years ago – when two men in white garments asked the disciples: “… why are you standing there looking at the sky?

We are not to stand about looking at the sky, at empty air. We are not to be wasting our time. We are not to stand about while wondering what will happen next – how we will survive without the physical presence of our Lord. Rather we are to become his physical presence in the world.

For us, Pentecost has arrived. For us, the Holy Spirit has been sent. For us, Jesus the Christ – through the consumption of his Body and Blood, through the Eucharist he has given to us – Jesus the Christ remains with us and we with Him. Amen.

Ascension Sunday, May 16, 2010
Acts 1:1-11; Eph 1:17-23; Lk 24: 46-53

Goose Bumps Sunday

When was the last time you felt goose bumps? Scientists tell us that goose bumps — or goose pimples, if you prefer — are left over from the days when human beings were covered with hair. In our skin there are tiny muscles connected to our hair follicles. Physiologists say that when an animal is cold, these muscles contract so that the hair will stand up and trap warm air next to the skin. We also get them when we’re frightened. These same physiologists maintain that the raised hair would help scare off an attacker. You’ve probably seen the same result when your cat has been frightened and the fur on her back stood straight up. If all of this theory is true, then you and I have probably experienced goose bumps when we’ve been very cold or very frightened.

There’s another time you have probably felt them. An Irish friend of mine once told me that when she felt goose bumps, she knew the Holy Spirit was there with her. She had them when she felt something very true was being said about God. Today is the great feast of Pentecost; but for the next few minutes, I’d like to think of this as being “Goose Bump Sunday”.

I have a problem about today’s gospel and just what I might share about it. When I gave a homily a few weeks ago, on the Sunday after Easter, we heard the same gospel — or at least the beginning was the same — about the disciples being behind locked doors when Jesus appeared to them. My opening question for that homily was about walking backwards up a flight of stairs. In that reflection I spoke about how “trust” drives out “fear” and about how the “peace” of Christ leads to “joy”. Today, at the end of our Easter season, here on Pentecost, I want to continue that reflection. Today, our focus will be on the “joy” and excitement of Pentecost.

The pursuit of excitement in our secular world is almost a full-time occupation. At least it might seem that way from all the commercials and news we find on TV and in magazines. We pursue excitement but never seem to be able to find it.

Some people look for excitement in drugs. Why else would dealers be able to sell crack to kids and adults not only in downtown Houston but in our affluent suburbs as well? Kids get hooked on drugs because they are looking for excitement, for something different. And drug pushers make it as attractive and as exciting as possible.

But drug pushers are not the only ones who focus on making things exciting. Have you taken a look at car commercials? Is there anything more exciting than owning and driving the latest model of the fastest, sexiest car? Although somehow when it’s parked in our own driveway or stuck in traffic on I-45, it rapidly loses its excitement.

Our search for excitement is what makes us buy much of what Madison Avenue pushes on us — from action toys with the Saturday morning cartoons to the latest perfumes and aftershave lotions. We are hooked on the promises for a new, exciting life. If we can’t find it at home, why not look for it elsewhere, perhaps in an affair with a younger woman, or with another man?

Young adults and teenagers are not immune from this search for excitement. Why else would they be into rock music and MTV? We learn at an early age that our own, individual lives appear to be dull in comparison with what we think the lives of other people must be. Each one of us believes ours is the only dull life there is. We all want to put more excitement into our life. Most of us look for it everyplace we can — with one exception. When was the last time you looked for excitement in church? When was the last time you found excitement in God: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit?

Most of us don’t come to church expecting to be excited, to be filled with the excitement of the Holy Spirit. We usually don’t come to church expecting to have goose bumps. Yet that’s how it all started.

Some two thousand years ago the friends and companions of Jesus were filled by the Holy Spirit. When that happened they did not say: “That’s nice, now let’s go home and have lunch.” Nor did they fall on their knees and begin praying privately to God. No. Those foolish characters went running out onto the streets of downtown Jerusalem and began shouting and preaching about Jesus.

What would happen if we all did that in downtown Houston? If you were a visitor to Houston, or even a long-time resident, you’d say such people where either crazy or drunk. That is exactly what the Jews in Jerusalem said that morning. Those people are drunk with new wine. Peter, himself, was forced to tell them they weren’t drunk; it’s only nine o’clock in the morning.

I’m not suggesting that right after Mass we all go out shouting the praises and glory of God all over Houston. On the other hand, have you ever thought what might happen if every Catholic, if every Christian, in Houston would do it? I agree it’s unlikely — yet anything can happen.

What then am I suggesting, if it’s not a mass march on Houston or even FM 1960? What I am suggesting is this: that each one of us can be open to the excitement of the Holy Spirit. Many of us don’t even really know that the Holy Spirit is around. Sometimes the Holy Spirit seems to be the forgotten person in the Trinity. A recent issue of the magazine, “U.S. Catholic” has an article on prayer. In a survey they conducted, they found that while 43% prayed to God the Father and another 43% to Jesus, only 7% prayed to the Holy Spirit — and then mainly for wisdom.

Our Catholic culture has deeply associated the Holy Spirit with wisdom not with excitement. Yet if we look at scripture we find that the Holy Spirit has always been seen with movement and excitement. When the disciples heard the driving wind that morning and beheld tongues of fire descending upon them, they had no doubt that this was the spirit of God. As devout Jews they recognized that the first line of Genesis speaks of the wind of God blowing across the void. When God spoke to Moses, it was from a burning bush. When Yahweh gave his commandments to Moses, Mt Sinai was covered by fire and smoke and peals of thunder. And when he led the Israelites out of Egypt, he led them with a black tornado by day and a column of fire by night. The disciples had no doubt that here, indeed, was the presence of God.

The presence of God. The felt experience of the love of the Father and the Son. The Holy Spirit. The Spiritus Sanctus. The sacred storm. Meager words for something, someone, who must be experienced to be appreciated.

Have you ever felt like turning somersaults? I have. Also, since today is Mother’s Day, it’s a story that fits in, although it’s from a father’s perspective. At the time, we were living in New Hampshire. I was with Dartmouth Med and was scheduled to present a research paper at a national meeting in Atlantic City. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go, since Karen was expecting our second child. But her O-B assured us that the blessed event was several weeks away. So, I went off with my colleagues to Atlantic City.

As you probably guessed, when I was there I received a telephone message from a friend saying Karen had been taken to the hospital to deliver. I was sure it was a joke they were playing on me. But I called the hospital and sure enough, heard from her that we had our first son. For the next couple of hours I rushed up and down the Boardwalk at Atlantic City. And I really felt like turning cartwheels. Back then I was as un-athletic as I am now, so there’s no way I could have really done it. But for me, that’s what it is to be filled with joy and excitement.

It’s that kind of feeling the Holy Spirit can give. It’s not only when a son is born. There have been other times I have wanted to turn somersaults. Instead I’ve danced. Yes, really. Many of you know that I go each year to Grand Coteau for a retreat. The center has some five-hundred acres to roam through — and to dance through. I have been caught up in prayer sometimes in those fields where the only thing I could do was dance and shout. It’s not liturgical dance. Some would say it’s being foolish. But that is what excitement and joy in the Holy Spirit are really all about.

It’s other things too. This last time, God told me to go fly a kite. So, I did. There’s a little country store near the retreat house. I went there and the owner was able to find a kite in the bottom of one of their old display cases. And so, I spent the next couple of hours flying my “Chuck & Cheese’s” and praying to God out in the field. (And here it is!) When you’re open to the Holy Spirit, you’re open to being silly and doing outrageous things. You’re open to expressing the joy and excitement that are inside of you.

Sometimes we do it when we are alone with God. When there is no one else around to see our foolishness. At other times we have that excitement when we join in celebration with others. For me it occurred at the 5:30 mass on the Saturday of our last Spring Festival. It seemed to me that the joy of the Holy Spirit was with us in a very special way at that celebration.

It’s said that Pentecost is the Birthday of the Church. Wouldn’t it be great if each of our masses had the excitement and joy of a first-rate birthday party? In some churches it seems to. Our black brothers and sisters celebrate that way. When you hear good-old Gospel music, it’s impossible not to experience the Holy Spirit directly. And if you agree with me, let me hear you shout out “Amen, brother.”

Yes, that’s what I mean. We need to shout out “amen” more often. We need to truly shout out the joy of the Lord. Even our own hymns try to convey it sometimes. Aren’t you at least a little excited when you sing: “Everyone Moved by the Spirit is a Son or Daughter of God ….” that’s what it is to be truly a son or daughter of God, to be moved by the Spirit. Not to just sit back and meditate; but to get up and move. To do. To act. To be excited. To be excited like a child who gets straight A’s on a report card and comes running home to mom and dad. That child doesn’t say, “Oh by the way, I got straight A’s this semester.” You hear the kid shout it out as soon as the front door is slammed shut.

As Christians, we need to be as excited as a five-year old is on Christmas morning; and we need to do it not just once a year, but as often as we can. But you’ll tell me that’s not realistic. No one can be that “hyper” every day of your life.

However, what I’m saying is that some people are. And if you’re not, I have a suggestion for you: start with goose bumps. Just what do I mean by that? Just this. The next time you are moved by something you hear, or see, or read, or do -– and you feel those goose bumps on your arms and up your back – think of the Holy Spirit and the excitement being offered to you as a gift.

We talk a lot about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Well, I believe goose bumps should be included among them. Let yourself be open to those times when Spiritus Sanctus, the sacred storm enters your life. From that little start, that breeze, could come a mighty wind of excitement and joy. As Father Ed might say: “You could get your socks blown off.”

Pentecost; May 14, 1989 (Mothers’ Day)
Acts 2:1-11; 1 Cor 12:3-7, 12-13; Jn 20:19-23

Corpus Christi

Today’s question is for movie buffs. One of my favorite actors is Mel Gibson. Since this weekend we celebrate Fathers’ Day, you might think my question is going to be about “The Patriot,” the movie in which Mel Gibson played a father who was deeply interested in the welfare of his children. But I have a different question for you.

My question is this: Where was Mel Gibson born? No, it was not in Australia. He was born on January 3, 1956 in Peekskill, New York, the sixth of eleven children in a good-old, Irish-Catholic family. However, they moved to Australia during the Vietnam war years and Mel attended an all-boys Catholic high school in Sydney.

Now for my second question. Where was Mel-chizedek from? And no, “chizedek” is not his last name! The whole name is “Melchizedek,” all one word. OK, I admit the “question” I ask is often a stretch! I also admit that the relationship of “Mel Gibson” and “Mel Chizedek” is the greatest of all of them. But how else does one get to Melchizedek in the modern world? So, again, I ask you: where is Melchizedek from? It’s really not an unfair question, if you were listening to the first reading for today from the Book of Genesis.

A few minutes ago, we heard: “In those days, Melchizedek, king of Salem, brought out bread and wine, and being a priest of God most high, he blessed [Abraham] … “And then it goes on to say that in return “ … [Abraham] gave him a tenth of everything … [he had.]”

So Melchizedek was a king of Salem and a priest. According to biblical scholars, “Salem” is the old name for what was later called “Jerusalem.” So Melchizedek was a king and priest in Jerusalem in the days of Abraham.

You may wonder why this is such a big deal and why we read this passage on today, the Feast of Corpus Christi, the special celebration of the body and blood of Christ, a feast day that brings our Easter season to its annual conclusion.

Well, we make a big deal of Melchizedek because Saint Paul does. In the early days of Christianity, Jewish Christians were puzzled by how Jesus could be considered to be a “priest” offering himself as a sacrifice to God, when he was not from either the tribe of Aaron or the tribe of Levi, the Israelite tribes charged with the responsibility of ministering to the religious needs of the people.

Saint Paul in his letter to the Hebrews, points out that Melchizedek was a priest who had the authority to bless Abraham and how Abraham paid a tithe, a tenth of all he owned, to Melchizedek, thus indicating that Melchizedek out-ranked father Abraham, the patriarch of all the tribes of Israel. And finally, Saint Paul says that Jesus’ priestly functions derive from Melchizedek rather than from either the tribe of Aaron or of Levi.

Now today, tribal relationships among the Israelites are not as important to us as they were to the first Christians. However, even today we speak of our own priests being of the “order of Melchizedek.” And you will still hear his name in the first Eucharistic prayer used in the modern mass.

So perhaps on this day when this passage is read, it’s appropriate that we be asked to support the formation and education of our own priests in our own seminary. As you may recall: today’s entire collection will go to St Mary Seminary for its continuing operation.

But back to Saint Paul. Saint Paul in the passage we heard today from his Letter to the Corinthians takes up another major component of our Eucharistic celebration. Once more we heard the words of blessing that Jesus, himself, used when he took up the bread and the cup on the evening before he suffered and died on the cross. “[He said] … ‘this is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ …. ‘this cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’”

The “cup of the new covenant.” How many times have we heard these words without truly appreciating what they mean? Do we recall the older covenant God made with his people: the covenant God made with Noah, with Abraham, with Moses? Do we remember how, each time, God said: I will be your God and you will be my people. I will protect you, nurture you, guide you. And in return, you will trust and follow me.

And now we have the new covenant in which God once more says: I will be your God and you will be my people. I will protect you, nurture you, guide you. You will trust and follow me. Follow me. Follow me into the new kingdom, the new reign of God that is proclaimed to you. And just what is this new kingdom, this new reign of God?

Jesus spoke about it at the beginning of today’s gospel reading. Do you remember the opening line I read: “Jesus spoke to the crowds about the kingdom of God, and he healed those who needed to be cured?”

Yes, it would appear that “speaking” about the kingdom of God was not enough. Jesus needed to show them what he meant about this heavenly kingdom, this heavenly banquet, this celebration. They needed to experience it.

And so he suggested feeding them, nourishing them with real food. But his disciples were disturbed. In response to his desire to feed the crowds, his disciples said, basically: We can’t do that. We don’t have enough food “… unless we, ourselves, go and buy food for all these people.”

But Jesus did not ask the disciples to supply the crowds from their own efforts. Rather Jesus, himself, blessed the bread and the fish, broke them, and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd. Jesus, himself, nourished the crowds. All he asked was that his disciples, his faithful followers, help him in his efforts. Jesus asked them, and asks us, to distribute the gifts that he creates through his own blessings.

Today we celebrate the Feast Day of the Body and Blood of Jesus the Christ. We celebrate that which appears to us as bread and wine are, in faith, the body and blood of Jesus the Christ. Yet, we are called to do more than merely attend a celebration of the mass, a celebration when the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ.

At the completion of each Eucharistic celebration, we are sent forth to be Eucharist to one another, to everyone we meet. We are to realize that it not through our own efforts that we accomplish our responsibilities. No, it is, rather, the body and blood of Christ, himself, his body and blood which we carry within each one of us. It is his body and blood that enable us to do whatever we can to help others.

Just as the five loaves and two fish became multiplied to fill twelve wicker baskets, we are called to multiple the gifts bestowed on us by Jesus as in our daily lives we become the body and blood of Christ. Today and every day, may each one of us become a “Corpus Christi.

Corpus Christi Sunday; June 17, 2001
Gn 14:18-20; 1 Cor 11:23-26; Lk 9:11b – 17

Jig-Saw Puzzles

I was wondering: how many of you like to make jig-saw puzzles? I do. Especially on a rainy day when there is nothing else to do. Perhaps you, too, have taken a jig-saw puzzle with you on a week-long vacation to the beach or to the mountains, just in case the weather happens to be bad, and you can’t get outside. We certainly did it when we took the kids on a family vacation.

I got to thinking about jig-saw puzzles when I was reflecting on today’s scripture readings. It seems today’s excerpts are like pieces of a jig-saw. They need to be fitted together in order to make sense of them. This need to fit things together, to make sense of the pieces in our lives, may be a major reason why a lot of people like to work on jig-saw puzzles. The focus for this morning’s reflection is just that: our need, our human need, to make sense out of the pieces of our lives. Our desire to make sense by looking for the cause and effects in our lives.

First of all, let’s begin by looking at the piece of the Bible from which our first reading comes. By looking at it more closely, we might be able to see how our gospel reading also fits into the overall picture and how it may fit into our lives.

You probably recall that Elijah was one of the major prophets of the Old Testament. But you might be wondering what he was doing in that widow’s house and why she thought Elijah might be responsible for the death of her son.

This reading is taken from the first Book of Kings, a history of the Jewish people. Elijah appears for the first time in this book, only a few verses before today’s story. Today’s story begins with verse 17 of Chapter 17. In the beginning of this chapter, Elijah prophesies to the king that there will be a drought in Israel which will last until Elijah prays to the Lord to end it. With a start like that, it’s no wonder Elijah leaves the country and high-tails it to a city in Sidon. There he meets a widow and asks her for a cup of water and a bit of bread. She tells him she was gathering sticks for a fire so she could make her last meal for herself and her son, since she had only enough flour and oil left for only one more loaf of bread. Elijah tells her to make the bread and not to worry, that there will be enough flour and oil until the rains come. She bakes the bread; and sure enough, the flour and oil are miraculously replenished. The widow is obviously no fool; she invites Elijah to stay with them. He is given a room on the roof of her house, which in those days wasn’t too bad a deal, since you had evening breezes to cool you.

It’s about a year later, that today’s story occurs. When her son becomes ill and dies, the widow has second thoughts about whether she had done the right thing. Perhaps she was being punished for letting Elijah stay there. After all, he might have been fleeing from the wraith of God. However, when Elijah prays over her son and he is returned to life and to her, she recognizes that Elijah is a man of God, because only a man of God could pray to the Lord and have him return her son to life.

So those are the pieces of the puzzle that come before today’s story. There are many pieces after this too. I’d urge you to read the First Book of Kings to find out how Elijah out-prays the priests of Baal and ends the drought; and finally, how in the presence of his disciple, Elisha, he is taken up to heaven in a whirlwind. But those are pieces of the puzzle for other Sundays.

For today, another piece of the puzzle is the gospel story of Jesus raising from the dead the only-son of another widow. The Jews who heard this story told by Luke, immediately recognized Jesus as another prophet like Elijah who also gave back the only-son to a widowed mother. But there is a great difference.

Elijah had to pray three times to the Lord. It was the Lord, Yahweh, who raised the dead boy because of the prayers of Elijah. But in today’s gospel story, it was the Lord, himself, who raised the boy and gave him back to his widowed mother. Our gospel reading says: “The Lord was moved with pity upon seeing her and said to her, ‘do not cry’.

This is the first time in the Gospel of Luke that Luke refers directly to Jesus as “the Lord“. It was not lost on those who heard his story, although it may be missed by us. Luke was saying: this is not merely a prophet, one who speaks for God. This is not someone who is as good as Elijah. No. Here is the Lord, himself, who has compassion. Who, in his compassion, raises the widow’s son. Indeed, as the people proclaimed, “God has visited his people.”

Just as in the puzzle piece of the story of Elijah and the widow, there are important pieces that go before and after the one we’re looking at in today’s gospel story. Let’s look at the piece attached immediately before today’s reading.

You heard it last Sunday: the story of Jesus curing the centurion’s servant. And the piece afterwards: it’s the story of how John the Baptist sent his disciples to ask if Jesus is the Messiah. When they asked him that, Jesus replied: “Go and report to John what you have seen and heard. The blind recover their sight, cripples walk, lepers are cured, the deaf hear, dead men are raised to life, and the poor have the good news preached to them.” In order to have this reply make sense to his listeners, Luke first had to tell the story of Jesus curing the centurion’s servant and raising the widow’s son from the dead.

But what about us? What meaning do we attribute to today’s gospel message? We have been given pieces to a jig-saw puzzle. How do we fit them together? One way is to take them merely at face value. Just as I’ve done so far. To see how they fit together to tell a story. But if that is the only way the pieces of the Bible fit together, then much is missing from our life.

We are all given the same puzzle by God. It is our task, our mutual task, to fit them all together. Is it not possible to view God as the maker of this jig-saw puzzle we call life? Only he knows how it fits together, what the final picture should look like.

However, as we try to fit those pieces together, we run into problems. It seems that certain pieces just don’t make sense. Let me tell you about some of the pieces I’ve seen during these past weeks.

One piece is labeled “the flood of 1989”. Our house had twelve inches of water. There are questions I might raise about this piece of the puzzle in my life. Questions like: why did we get flooded this time when we have never been flooded before? Why did others have even more water in their homes? Why did some not get flooded at all?

Each of us has other pieces with similar names to them.
● Names like “graduation.” And questions like: what am I going to do now that I’m out of school? Will my new job be what I hope it will be?
● Or a piece named: “birthday”. With questions like: what will this next year bring to me? Will I even be alive next year?
● Or a piece named: “move to a new city”. With questions like: will I be able to make a go of it here? Will I have new friends? Will people like me, accept me?
● Or a piece named: “marriage”. And the questions: is this really the spouse for me? Will it last? Will we be happy?

God has dumped out on the table of this world, the pieces of the puzzle he has created. He, alone, knows what the final picture should look like. He has asked us to put those pieces together. Some of the pieces I can fit together with no big problems. Some I want to force into place, to shape the puzzle as I think it should go, rather than how the artist intended it to go. Some pieces appear to be a great mistake. With some of them, I need the help of others. And perhaps that is the key to the completion of this puzzle. My need to accept help from others in fitting them together. My need to offer help to others with the pieces they have.

The widow we heard about in the Old Testament story asked for Elijah’s help. Elijah prayed to the Lord; and the flour and oil were multiplied and, later, his prayers returned her son to her. At first she blamed Elijah for her misfortune. Then she thanked him.

When Jesus cured the centurion’s servant, he did it at a distance. Jesus did it because others pleaded the centurion’s case for him. But when Jesus raised the widow’s son, he, himself, saw the need. The Lord, himself, had compassion and spoke his life-giving word to the dead youth.

As humans, when we try to force the pieces of our puzzle together and they don’t seem to fit, we ask “why”. Why me, lord? What have I done wrong? We ask the same questions the widow asked Elijah.

However, when the pieces do fit together, when they all seem to fall into place, almost on their own, how often do we then ask: why me? The widow in our gospel story did not inquire why the Lord raised her son from the dead when no one had begged him to, when even, she, herself, had not asked.

Perhaps there are times in our own lives when we are blessed by a compassionate Lord who responds without being asked; when he, himself, puts together the jig-saw pieces of our disjointed lives. When this does happen, can we join with the widow’s friends to sing the praises of God and proclaim: “God has visited his people“? God has visited me!

Tenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; June 11, 1989
1 Kg 17:17-24; Gal 1:11-19; Lk 7:11-17

Love and Forgiveness

Today’s question is a very old one. It’s this: which came first, the chicken or the egg? I suppose if you’re a strict creationist, you’d say the chicken. God created chickens who then laid eggs. If you’re an evolutionist, perhaps you’d opt for a mutated egg, one which was laid by some prehistoric lizard; an egg which then developed into the first chicken. But today’s homily will not be about creationism or evolution; nor about chickens and eggs.

Instead I have another question which is more related to today’s readings. It’s this: which comes first … “love” or “forgiveness?” Must we love someone before we can forgive them? Do we love because we are forgiven by someone and willing to do what we know should be done? All three of today’s readings deal with love and forgiveness. They also involve something called “sin,” a rupture of relationships. And of course, sinners.

The first reading from Second Samuel tells us about a very great sinner: King David, the first king of the twelve united tribes of Israel and of Judah. We usually don’t think of David as a sinner. Usually, we see him as the great leader of the Israelites and as the founder of the royal house which culminates in Jesus. Yet King David was a great sinner. He was reminded of this fact by Nathan, the Lord’s prophet, in today’s reading. Nathan, on behalf of the Lord God, took David to task for the adultery he committed with Bathsheba and the role David had in the murder of her husband, Uriah. We heard how David then fully admitted: “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan’s reply: “The Lord on his part has forgiven your sin.

Yes, the Lord God is willing to forgive both adultery and murder when the sinner truly repents, truly changes his ways and becomes what he was destined to be: the founder of the linage which would lead to the Messiah, the Savior of everyone.

Saint Paul tells us about another great sinner: himself. We sometimes put aside the facts we first heard about Paul, who at the time was called Saul of Tarsus. Saul who was present at the assassination of Stephen, one of the first deacons of the Church. Saul who persecuted the Christian followers of Christ, until he too, repented — he too, radically changed his ways and followed the path of the disciples he once put to death.

In today’s letter to the Galatians, we hear Paul state: “I have been crucified with Christ, yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me.”

Our third sinner is a woman found in a story told by Luke. We heard how she entered the home of Simon, a pharisee, to encounter Jesus. Simon had invited Jesus to dine with him. No doubt to question him. To determine if this man called Jesus was what others claimed him to be: a prophet of God, one who preached about the coming Kingdom of God.

Simon certainly had not treated Jesus like a prophet. He had not anointed his head with oil. He had not offered the hospitality of water to bathe his feet. Simon had not even given his guest a welcoming kiss. Yet an unnamed woman, who was, however, widely known as a sinner — although we, ourselves, do not know the nature of her sins — this woman entered, unannounced, and washed the feet of Jesus with her own tears; dried them with her hair; and covered them with perfumed ointment. She, not the host, had given him the honor due to a prophet.

In the meantime, as was so often his custom, Jesus told a story to the pharisee and asked him a question. Jesus spoke about two men who owed varying amounts to a creditor who forgave the loans. Jesus then asked the pharisee which man would love the creditor more. Simon replied that the one with the larger debt would have the greater love. It was then that Jesus forgave the women sitting at his feet. He forgave her of her sins, saying: “Your faith has saved you, go in peace.”

Which brings me back to my questions about love and forgiveness.
● Did the Lord God forgive David of his sins because he loved David? Did David love the Lord God more, because his sins were forgiven?
● Did Christ forgive Paul of his sins because he loved Paul? Did Paul love Jesus the Christ more, because his sins were forgiven?
● Did the creditor forgive the debtors because he loved them? Did they love the creditor more, because their debts were forgiven?
● Did Jesus forgive the weeping woman because he loved her? Did she love him more, because he forgave her of her sins?

These questions arising from our scriptural readings from the past also bring up certain questions relevant to our lives in the present. Questions such as:
● Does love come before forgiveness?
● Is it because we love first, that we are able to forgive?
● Can you forgive someone you do not love?
● Can we forgive someone without loving the person?
● Must I learn how to love in order to forgive?

These are questions I cannot answer for you. They are questions each of us needs to answer from our own, individual hearts. In the meantime we may also need to consider two other matters. The matter of trust. And the matter of faith: a belief held without measurable proof.

Do we trust that a person is truly repentant and willing to change and, therefore, should be forgiven? Or is there a condition demanded before forgiveness is given? Then again, perhaps forgiveness is a foundation for the changes to come.

Once forgiven, are King David and Saint Paul able to radically change their ways to fulfill their destinies? Will the weeping woman now be able to set aside her former life, her previous behaviors, in order to follow Jesus? Do we trust that a person can change and so offer our forgiveness even before the change is evident? Or must a person earn our trust before forgiveness is given? Do groups of people need to demonstrate a change in behavior before forgiveness is granted; before amnesty is granted? Must a nation of people demonstrate a willingness to change before peace can be found?

Today we celebrate a national event called “Father’s Day.” It is a day dedicated to love and honor the men in our lives who have guided and protected us. Those men who love us and whom we love. Those men who forgive us and whom we, too, are to forgive.

Yes, today is a day for both love and forgiveness. Perhaps, it is also a day not to ask which comes first, love or forgiveness, but rather a day to realize that both are absolutely necessary if there is to be peace in our individual lives and in our community lives. Perhaps it is a day to bind together love and forgiveness, forgiveness and love. Perhaps it is a day to link trust and faith together with love and forgiveness. Perhaps it is a day to ponder the meaning of unconditional love and conditional love. Perhaps it is also a day to recall the words spoken by Jesus to a repentant woman so long ago: “Your faith has saved you, go in peace.”

11th Sunday in Ordinary Time; June 17, 2007
2 Sam12:7-10, 13; Gal 2:16, 19-21; Lk 7:36-8:3

Month of June

Here we are in the month of June. My question for today is about the month of June. My question is this: what events do you routinely associate with the month of June?

How many of you thought of weddings and marriage? It seems that almost every weekend during the month, we’re invited to a wedding. And then, there are anniversaries which can be celebrated any day of the month. The week after next, Karen and I will be celebrating our 52nd. June is also the month for graduations, from high school or college. Last weekend, one of our granddaughters graduated from Klein Oak. So, June is a month for new beginnings and changes, whether it’s a new married life or a transition from high school or college into the world of job hunting or, hopefully, of beginning a new career.

June can also be a month of a possible crisis, especially for those of us who live along the gulf coast and know that June 1st begins a new hurricane season, a time of potential tragedy, especially when gushing oil adds to the problems of raging winds and water. Yes, the month of June can remind us of love, of change, of possible tragedy — conditions we also find in today’s readings.

In our First reading from the Second Book of Samuel, we heard about events in the life of King David. About how the result of his lust for Bathsheba and his part in the death of her husband, Uriah, would lead to the sword of conflict being present in his household for the generations to follow. But we also heard the words of the prophet Nathan who said: “The LORD on his part has forgiven your sin: you shall not die.” Yes, David, having acknowledged his sinfulness, repented and was forgiven for the harm he had caused.

In our Second reading, Paul — who had previously led attacks against the followers of Christ — acknowledges: “I live by faith in the Son of God who has loved me and given himself up for me.” Paul recognizes that Jesus has forgiven him of his sins, of his former errors in life, so that he may now live in Christ.

Our Gospel reading directly addresses the relationship of love and of forgiveness. We heard the story of how Simon, a Pharisee with whom Jesus was dining, had not followed the usual customs of hospitality, of welcoming a guest into his house. On the other hand, an unnamed woman, who was seen by everyone at the banquet as a major sinner, performed these acts of hospitality for Jesus out of her love for him. When we hear this story we often think that Jesus forgave her of her past sins because she washed his feet with her tears, dried them with her long hair and anointed them with her ointment. We fail to hear his original words to Simon, the pharisee, when Jesus said: “So I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven because she has shown great love.”

It would appear that her sins had already been forgiven before she entered Simon’s house. She performed her actions for Jesus out of love for having been forgiven. It was then … perhaps for the sake of Simon … that Jesus repeated the words: “Your sins are forgiven.” and to her, the words: “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.

Indeed, today’s readings speak to us in terms of “love, faith, forgiveness and peace.” Perhaps they should be especially meaningful to us during this month of June weddings, a time of new beginnings with hoped-for joy and, yet, with the possibility of intervening tragedy.

When I have interacted with young couples in their preparation for weddings and married life, we speak of “love, faith, forgiveness and peace.” Especially of forgiveness. Our conversations usually begin with an awareness that it is for the sake of “forgiveness” that God became man. Jesus became human in order to bring us God’s forgiveness so that we can return to God in the peace of re-union with Him, of reconciliation with Him.

Jesus reminds us throughout the entire New Testament we are to forgive one another. We hear these words in the prayer he taught us. We hear these words among the final ones he spoke from the cross. We hear these words in his final charge to his followers about their mission: Forgive one another.

This reminder is of essential importance to young couples about to be married. It is of equal or greater importance to all couples who wish to remain married for the rest of their lives. At the outset of their lives together, a bride and groom love each other deeply. They say they are best friends and will remain so for the rest of their lives. After all, each person marries their very best friend. If this is not the case, one might ask: “Why get married in the first place.” But we know that something can happen over the years.

We know that in the process of living as husband and wife, each person is capable of hurting the feelings of the other one. And the hurt goes deep into each one of them. The more they love one another, the deeper the potential hurt can be for them. It is because of the deep love each one possess, that the terrible pain of their mutual wound exists.

And what must they do in order to begin to heal the wound? Having hurt one another, how can they preserve and, actually, increase the love existing between them? They must forgive one another. They must speak the words to one other: “Please forgive me.” And …. “I forgive you.” The power of these words resides in a special sacrament we call the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The power of these words is also found in the Sacrament of Matrimony.

All couples begin with a deep love for one another. And because of this love, they can deeply hurt one another emotionally. It is only with forgiveness, that the hurt within their hearts can begin to be healed, that the pain can be alleviated. However, some believe that this pain can be relieved only by separation. Yet, quite often the pain endures beyond their legal separation.

On the other hand, in a long-lasting marriage, there must be an ongoing series of exchanges of “Please forgive me; I forgive you.” These words are spoken as part of the process of healing. These words of forgiveness do not necessarily mean: “I approve of your actions; I approve of the events which led up to the emotional hurt and to the inner pain.” God certainly did not approve of David’s actions concerning Bathsheba and Uriah. But the LORD GOD did forgive David. Jesus did not approve of the actions the woman engaged in before she entered Simon’s house. Yet he had forgiven her before and there, in the presence of the Pharisee and the assembled guests, he once more spoke the words: “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

In times of new beginnings, in times of potential harm from winds and water afflicting us, in times of change, in times of hurt and pain, we retain the love of Christ, the peace of Christ, as we repeat to one another and hear in the voices of another person, his words: “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace.

11th Sunday in Ordinary Time; June 13, 2010
2 Sm 12:7-10, 13; Gal 2:16, 19-21; Lk 7:36 – 8:3

Waiting for Messiah

(After proclaiming the gospel reading, I sat down and waited one minute, the time to slowly recite three “Our Fathers,” before continuing with the homily. Back then, the cantor before Mass did not routinely announce the name of the presider, deacon and homilist.)

For the last minute or so you’ve been waiting for me to begin my homily. While you were waiting, how did you feel? What thoughts came to you? Were you annoyed? Were you puzzled about what was going on? Some of you may have been amused about waiting. Others could have been anxious, thinking what’s wrong, why the delay? You may have spent the time reflecting on the readings. Or perhaps you were thinking about what you were going to be doing later today and hoping mass would get started again so you could leave as quickly as possible.

There are all sorts of reactions to waiting. They vary depending upon where we are and whom or what we’re waiting for. There is the wait before we go into the doctor’s office or the dentist’s. There’s the wait before a movie starts. There’s the wait for a friend you haven’t seen for a long time but who is coming now for a visit. There’s the wait for teenage children at one o’clock in the morning.

The reason I delayed starting my homily was to give each of you an unexpected opportunity to experience waiting; and to begin today’s reflection with a personal appreciation for the many different feelings that come with waiting. It’s only with an understanding of waiting, of long waiting, that we can begin to understand the importance of the gospel reading we heard today.

Our gospel reading begins simply enough. Jesus has been praying and asks his friends: what are people saying about me? The question is a very human one. Who of us is not curious about what other people are saying about us? Like Tom Sawyer, we’d love to be able to hear what the preacher says about us at our funeral.

Was it human curiosity that prompted Jesus to ask his friends what the crowds were saying about him? It seems to me Jesus did not usually care very much about what the crowds had to say about him. He was usually more interested in what mattered to his disciples and friends and not about himself. So, I believe Jesus was much more interested in his second question: “Who do you say I am?” And in Peter’s response: “You are the Messiah.

Peter’s response is the focus, not only for today’s reflection, but also for the entire message we call the Good News; as well as the focus for our life. In order to appreciate the power of Peter’s reply, we need to return for a moment to that sense of waiting. The whole history of the Jewish nation is summed up in their waiting for the Messiah.

Can you put yourself in Peter’s shoes? Can you imagine the emotions he had about waiting for the Messiah? Each and every Jew had been waiting for the Messiah, for the savior, for the one who would lead them back to God. Who would bring them salvation. Who would save them. Can you imagine what It would be like to wait for a leader for a thousand years; for a king or a president to lead us to complete peace and harmony? We have no sense of that kind of waiting; but the Jews did.

When we’re young and time seems so long, we say we are waiting for the perfect mate: the perfect wife, the perfect husband, someone who will make us complete, who will fill us with total love. The Jews knew the same feelings; and so the early Christians were able to describe Jesus as the bridegroom who would be coming. They awaited the perfect husband. In a time when the culture allowed it, they longed for the perfect Lord, the perfect master, the perfect protector, the savior, the messiah.

Can you now feel the power of Peter’s reply to Jesus: “You are the Messiah!” You are the one I’ve been longing for. You are my Beloved, my Protector, my Leader, my Master, my Lord. You are the one I’ve waited for, hungered for. I have been anxious about your coming. I’ve been annoyed at times with the delay. I’ve had the hope that you would come, knew you would come. Yet I feared that you might not. But now you are here, and I am safe,

And when Jesus turns to each of us and asks: “Who do you say I am?” would we not each be overjoyed to cry out: “You are the Messiah!” But the gospel doesn’t stop there. The Good News does not end with Peter’s statement: “You are the Messiah!” Instead, it begins there.

When Peter proclaimed to Jesus: “You are the Messiah!” he had certain expectations. But what did Jesus say when Peter called him the Messiah? Jesus’ response was totally unexpected. He said two very unexpected things to Peter:

First: he said that he must suffer, be rejected, be put to death and be raised up. This was not what Peter, nor any other Jew, would expect the Messiah to say. Peter had just proclaimed that Jesus was the long-awaited one who would personally save him and his people, who would protect him from all harm. And here was this Messiah saying that he, himself, was going to suffer, be rejected, be put to death and would be raised from the dead.

Secondly, and even more surprisingly, Jesus told Peter and all the others something else: “If you wish to be my follower, you must deny your very self, take up your cross each day and follow in my footsteps. If you try to save your own life, you will lose it. If you lose your life for my sake, you will save it.

And so we arrive at a very strange series of facts. Although Jesus was a teacher, he seldom listed his facts directly. He usually allowed his listeners to draw their own conclusions. But if Jesus were to list his facts, they might be like this:
● One: you say I am the Messiah
● Two: I am about to suffer, be rejected, be put to death; but I will be raised up again,
● Three: if I, the Messiah, can do all this, then you too, if you are to be my follower, must do the same thing.

These strange facts bring each of us to an even stranger conclusion: What I do with my life and How I act each day, depend upon how I answer the question Jesus asks: “Who do you say I am?”

If I say: “You are a good man, a kind friend,” I will act in a certain way. If I say: “You are a prophet or a teacher,” then I’ll act in a different way. But what happens if I say, “You are the Messiah,” the one I’ve waited for all my life, the one who is to protect and save me. If I call you “Messiah,” what is demanded of me?
● Each day, every day. Must I love those who hate me?
● Each day, every day. Must I turn the other cheek, walk the extra mile, give my material possessions to others in need?
● Each day, every day. When it is so difficult that it feels like a cross on my shoulders, must I help everyone who cries out to me.
● Each day, every day. Even when I am tired and irritable and want so much to say no, must I feed the hungry and clothe the poor, when I’d rather spend the money on things to make my own difficult life more pleasant?

Do I need to re-translate what Saint Paul wrote two-thousand years ago and bring it up to date? Would Paul, the imitator of Jesus, say: “There does not exist among you American or Russian, exploiter or victim, employed or unemployed, wealthy or marginalized, abuser or abused, all are one in Jesus the Christ, the Anointed One, the Messiah.”

I began by having each of you wait for this reflection to begin. It’s now time to wait for the rest of this Eucharistic celebration. We are all waiting for something. Does Jesus also wait? Does he still wait for an answer to his question: “Who do you say I am?” Do I have the courage to say: “You are the Messiah!

Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time; June 22, 1986
Zech 12:10-11; Gal 3:26-29; Lk 9:18-24

Cross

Today’s question is a very personal one. You may need to think about your response for a while before you come up with an answer. My question is this: Does public opinion matter to you? Do you care what others think about you? People in the public eye are always concerned about how others view their actions. Politicians, in particular, continue to conduct public opinion polls as part of their re-election strategy. And the rest of us seem to delight in learning whether the latest poll favors either George W. Bush or John F. Kerry.

In recent years, both political parties have employed so-called “focus groups” to determine how segments of the population would react to proposed policy changes. Politicians then modify what they think is “best for the country” based upon what voters say they should do in order to be re-elected. We human beings seem to want to please others, to act as others expect us to act. Public opinion seems to matter.

It would appear from today’s gospel reading even Jesus, himself, was not immune to asking the question: “Who do the crowds say that I am?” He asked his friends, his disciples, to report on the latest opinion polls: what kind of a person do people say I am? What kind of a leader do they see in me?

And they told him some said he was like John the Baptist who preached about repentance for sins and about the coming of the holy one of God. Others said he was Elijah, the prophet who had been taken up to heaven in a chariot of fire centuries ago and who was to return to earth at the beginning of the final age, the age of the Messiah. Still, others weren’t sure if he were a prophet who came to foretell of the last days or one who actually ushered in the last days; but that he was, indeed, like the prophets of old who spoke on behalf of the Lord God.

But then Jesus asked a second question about how others viewed him. He was interested in how his personal friends saw him. What kind of a prophet and teacher did they see standing there?

They were silent. Except for Peter, who spoke for himself and perhaps for the other disciples. Peter said: “You are the Christ of God.” You are the Anointed One, the Chosen One of God. You are the Messiah. You are the one who was promised to lead us to victory.
● You are more than the one who predicts the coming of the final days:
● You are more than John the Baptist.
● You are more than Elijah who was to return to us in the final age.
● You are more than Moses who promised a prophet would come, who would be even a greater leader than Moses, himself.
● You are more than David, the greatest king ever seen by the Israelites.

But Jesus did not readily accept this response. Although he acknowledged he was, indeed, the promised one, he was not the prophet and leader they expected him to be. He would not lead them to a worldly victory over the conquering Romans. Instead he is the “fountain of purification” spoken of by the prophet Zechariah, whose message we heard in the First Reading for today. He said that he is the “son of man” described by the prophet Daniel. But most importantly, he proclaimed that he was the “suffering servant” spoken of by the prophet Isaiah.

He did not come to conquer but to forgive, to reconcile, to unite mankind, once more, with God, the Father. He is the one who says: “yes, you have broken God’s laws. You have done what is wrong. You have sinned. But I forgive you. God forgives you.”

Jesus told Peter that “the son of man must suffer greatly, be rejected … and be killed.” And then he added the event which those who heard him could not fully understand. He said that on the third day after he was killed, he would be raised again.

And then he made a statement which would destroy the results of any public opinion poll; that would not go well with any focus group. He said … “and you must do the same!” You have burdens to carry as well. You have your own cross to carry. However, he said that he would be there to help them, and us, to carry these burdens; that he would, in fact, make them light. That he, himself, would carry them for us, as the suffering servant of God.

And what is our cross; what are our burdens? Usually we think of them as parts of our life that make up our difficulties.
● the loss of a parent, a child, a relative or a friend,
● the loss of our health: physical, mental or spiritual,
● the loss of a job or of a valued possession.

And yes, these are difficult burdens to carry alone. The pain of carrying them can be made easier when we allow Jesus to help us, to be with us in our pain. And yet, I wonder: could the cross we carry be made up of other things, other conditions?

Do we also carry the cross of greed, of jealousy. The cross of a desire for wealth, position and power. Are we called to release these burdens? Perhaps the cross is, in fact, the difficulty of giving up, of releasing the burdens we carry? Perhaps Jesus is also there to help us set aside the burdens created by our own addictions, our dependence on drugs, gambling or other means we wrongfully use to stimulate our lives or in an ill-advised attempt to remove our self-inflicted pain.

Yes, our cross may be either the burden of loss or it may, in fact, be the difficulty which is part of letting go of what must be given up. Either way Jesus is here with us to shoulder that cross. We do not carry it alone. He is here with us.

And others are here to share with us the carrying of our crosses. Saint Paul in his letter to the Galatians reminds us that nothing can divide us
● neither our nationality nor our race,
● no matter how we earn a living or what our status in life might be,
● not even gender.
We are one in Christ. Because of this, we are able to move forward, together.

Jesus asked his friends the question: “Who do you say I am?” Each of us needs, of course, to answer that question about him. Each of us also needs to answer it about ourselves, because this answer also refers to how we carry the crosses we shoulder.

Today in the secular world, we celebrate Father’s Day. And so, some might respond to the question “who am I?” by stating: “I am a father” – with all of the subtle meanings associated with this title:
● I participate with another in the creation of a new life.
● I serve as a teacher and guide for others.
● I am a protector and sustainer of a family, those depending upon me.

Yes, these are some of the roles associated with fatherhood. But they are also roles which are essential in another response to the question we must ask about ourselves. The question: “Who do others say that I am?” does not require a public opinion poll. But the answer does involve other people. I would hope that the answer for each one of us is:
● “I am a true Christian.
● “I am an image of Christ for others.
● “I am a member of the body of Christ.”
With such a response, together, let us carry the cross of Christ.

Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time: June 20,2004 (Fathers’ Day)
Zec 12:10-11,13.1; Gal 3:26-29; Lk 9:18-24

Chains

Today’s question, again, is a very personal one, so you don’t need to answer it out loud. My question is: how many of you today are wearing chains? I don’t mean a gold or silver chain around your neck, but rather those invisible chains which bind you to the past. Chains forged from actions we call “traditions” and “habits.” Those chains which are the yokes of slavery that Saint Paul speaks about in his letter to the Galatians we heard a few minutes ago.

In our first reading from the Hebrew Testament, we also heard about yokes, about twelve yoke of oxen. In that story, the prophet Elijah, spelled with a “j”, chose his successor, the prophet Elisha, spelled with an “s”. One morning the young Elisha was out plowing with his twelve yoke of oxen, a significant number of animals, indicating he was from a very wealthy family. When the older Elijah saw the young man and knew that this was to be his successor, what did he do?

According to the story, he didn’t go up to Elisha and say, “I’ve got a new job for you, you’re to get ready to be my replacement.” No, Elijah was more subtle than that. The old prophet took the hair shirt he was wearing, which was almost like a badge of office, every prophet had a very distinctive hair shirt, and put it over the young man’s shoulders. The meaning was very clear to young Elisha. He was called to become a prophet. But first he wanted to say good-bye to his parents.

Now I personally don’t think that’s too much of a request to have made. If one of my sons were chosen for a major, new job in someplace like New York City, I’d like for him to say good-bye before he took off. But that’s not how things are done when it comes to doing God’s work. When Elisha wanted to go home and tell his parents, the elder prophet said something to the effect: “Hey, no problem. I’m not forcing you to do anything against your will. If you don’t want this opportunity, that’s up to you.”

But Elisha did want that opportunity. So much so that he immediately broke all ties with his past. He slaughtered the oxen, tore up the wooden plow and used it for kindling to cook the cattle. Now that’s breaking with the past in a big-time way. After all, the oxen and the plow probably belonged to his father. It’s unlikely his old man would want him around the house after that. With that kind of statement, Elisha destroyed the ties which bound him to his past. He had nowhere to go but where the prophet Elijah and their God would lead them.

Which brings us to the story of another man who went where God would lead him. The gospel story from Luke we heard today begins a new chapter in the life of Jesus. His journey to Jerusalem. From now until the end of the liturgical year our gospel readings will be Luke’s account of Jesus’ journey to Jerusalem, the place where he will suffer, die, and be raised from the dead.

Today’s readings begin with the lines: “as the time approached when Jesus was to be taken from this world, he firmly resolved to proceed toward Jerusalem …” some of the older translations are closer to the original wording which says, “he set his face towards Jerusalem.” No matter how it is said, the results are the same: Jesus knew he must proceed to Jerusalem even though his actions would cause the authorities to try to stop him. He had to go to Jerusalem even if the journey would cost him his life.

Jerusalem, the holy place of God. Jerusalem with the temple of God, the only place where according to Judaic tradition, God could be properly worshiped. The Samaritans, however, thought otherwise. According to their tradition, God must be worshiped on mount Gerizim, which was why the Samaritans would not welcome anyone who was on a journey to Jerusalem.

Jerusalem. Many of you are probably aware that Father Paul, three weeks ago, took about fifty people, most of whom are from CGS, on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Over the coming weeks I’m sure you’ll hear more about the Holy Land from your friends and from Deacon Al, Father Paul and me, than you will want to hear. But there are two stories I’d like to tell about our trip. Stories about traditions.

The first one is about coffee. Or rather about coffee cups. Many Americans after a good dinner, or even a mediocre one, enjoy having a cup of coffee. Well, don’t expect to get one in Israel! According to Jewish dietary laws, all foods are classified as either meat or dairy. The two can never be served together. The typical Israeli breakfast is a feast of cheeses, cereals, fruits, eggs and pickled or creamed fish. You can also have great coffee with cream.

Come dinner time, meat is served. However, when there is meat, there can be no dairy products such as cheese, butter or milk. In fact, two sets of dishes are used; one for the dairy breakfast and another for the meat dinner. These dishes must remain separate in every kosher home or restaurant in Israel. This means that coffee, which is usually served with cream or milk, can not be served following a meat meal, even if you don’t take cream in your coffee.

The coffee cup is still not kosher and can not be used in the same place where there are dishes used for meat. One member of our group wondered why there could not be special kosher coffee cups. But that is simply part of the tradition. To see a coffee cup at a dinner where meat had been served would be very scandalous for an Israeli.

Now least you think that only Jewish tradition is strange in Israel, here is a second story for you. The story of the chasuble. Do you know what a chasuble is? It’s the outer robe that a priest wears. Deacons, like me, wear dalmatics. They have sleeves. Chasubles don’t have sleeves. Which is one way to tell the difference between a priest and a deacon. Now for the story.

One of the highlights of our journey to Jerusalem was the celebration of the mass in a Franciscan chapel next to the Holy Sepulcher, the place where Christ was buried. Father Paul had finally managed to get a time slot to use the chapel, with the help of an Arab merchant, believe it or not – but that’s another story.

Anyway, the time for the liturgy had arrived and the chapel was filled with the fifty of us and a handful of other tourist-pilgrims. Father Paul entered the chapel wearing a very attractive chasuble. But the room was very warm and he wanted to be more at home, so he took off the chasuble and put it on a chair. He was prepared to celebrate the liturgy wearing an alb and stole, like we often do at daily mass. He jokingly asked us to remind him to put it back on before he left the chapel, because the little, old Franciscan who let us use the chapel insisted that Paul wear it.

Well, just as Fr. Paul stepped forward to greet us and begin the mass, the huge doors to the chapel opened and in walked the little, old Franciscan priest. He saw the chasuble on the chair and picked it up and elaborately spread it on the altar. There was no way that Fr. Paul could celebrate mass without putting on the chasuble. Which he did. Then the Franciscan priest went to the back of the chapel and up into a darkened choir loft where he stayed for the rest of the liturgy. I’m sure he was taking notes on all of us for the whole service and thought we were a group of heretics, especially at the Sign of Peace where we hugged and cried and rejoiced.

Again: tradition. According to that particular Franciscan’s tradition, the only way a priest could say mass was wearing a chasuble. For us, the only way to participate fully in the joy of the Eucharist is to have a meaningful exchange during the Sign of Peace.

Traditions are those actions which link a culture to its past. Now don’t get me wrong. Traditions in and of themselves are needed in order to preserve a culture. But what about traditions which need to be changed? And the same for habits, those individual actions which link each one of us to our past. Again, there are, of course, good habits. But what about the bad ones?

Traditions and habits can be the foundation upon which a solid life as a society, or as individuals, can be built. Yet, traditions and habits can also be chains which shackle us to the past.

When we are asked to work for social justice, what excuse is given? Do we ever say:
● I can’t do that, it’s not me.
● I can’t serve in a soup kitchen, I’ve never done anything like that before; it’s not me.
● I can’t take in a foster child; that’s not my thing.
● I can’t be part of a pro-life march, that’s not where I am. It’s not me.

When we are trapped by our behavior, what excuse is given? Do we ever say: I can’t change, that’s just the way I am. I can’t give up drinking; that’s just the way I am. I can’t stop having an extramarital affair; that’s just the way I am. I can’t control my homosexual behavior; that’s just the way I am.

When we are asked to do something different for the benefit of others, do we fall back on our old societal traditions and our personal habits and say, I can’t change, that’s not me. When we know that we must change for our own moral and spiritual benefit, do we pull our chains around us tighter and say: I can’t do that, it’s too difficult, it’s not me.

Some two thousand years ago, on a journey to the place where he would suffer, die and be raised for us, the Son of God urged those who would follow him to put aside the past, to allow the dead to bury the dead. He said that those who look to the past for encouragement and comfort are not ready to walk with him into the present and future Reign of God.

The question we need to answer is this: do we use our traditions and habits as foundations upon which to grow; or as excuses not to change what needs to be changed? The choice is ours. What chains do we wear today?

Thirteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; June 28,1992
1 Kgs 19:16, 19-21; Gal 5:1, 13-18; Lk 9:51-62

Freedom

“When in the course of human events, It becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands Which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

My question for today is an easy one: what is the source of the words I just quoted? “The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies in Congress, July 4, 1776.” This weekend we, of course, are celebrating our freedom and our commitment to these principles. But what does this mean in terms of today’s scriptural readings? A lot!

Today’s readings focus on freedom and commitment as much as do the words of the Declaration of Independence for those Thirteen Colonies. And so it is important to consider what our Christian tradition has to say about freedom and commitment. For it is in our Christian tradition – and especially our Catholic heritage as articulated throughout history, in particular by John Paul II – that tells us that freedom without “loving-service” is anarchy. This, then, is the focus for today’s reflection: true freedom is found only in loving-service to others. Without this loving-service, freedom becomes anarchy, a time of destruction. Freedom demands a commitment to this loving-service for others.

Our founders who wrote our Declaration of Independence recognized a need for such commitment. The concluding words they wrote are these: “And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.” They well appreciated the need to move forward together, without holding on to the past; to set aside their comfort in order to advance the mutual welfare of the people.

Our first reading from the history of the Jewish people speaks of commitment to the future and to others; and a breaking of the ties of the past. In this reading, the prophet Elijah must seek his replacement, another prophet, to encourage God’s people. And so he invites young Elisha to follow him.

Perhaps we think Elijah gave his invitation in a strange way. But prophets often acted-out in symbols the event that was to occur. We may speak of a new person putting on the mantle of the one who is succeeded. Well in this first reading, this is what actually happened. The prophet Elijah placed his cloak, his mantle, on the shoulders of the young Elisha, who knew immediately what the symbolism meant. He was to succeed Elijah. And how did Elisha respond?

It was not immediate acceptance. He was willing to go, but first he wanted to make his good-byes. And Elijah agreed that young Elisha was free to accept his invitation or to return to his family. Elijah did nothing to abridge the young man’s freedom. But then Elisha realized that his commitment must be made completely; that he could not return to the way of life he once lived. As we heard, he slaughtered the twelve yoke of oxen he had needed for his livelihood. He not only did this but he even burned the plow! There was to be no turning back.

Yet, there is a passage which we usually pass by too quickly. We tend to see Elisha going off immediately with Elijah, and forget that he did not just destroy the oxen but rather he cooked them; and gave them to the people to eat. He distributed his fortune to others before he went towards his unknown future. Already he was engaged in an act of loving-service.

Our Second Reading from Saint Paul’s Letter to the Galatians speaks even more eloquently of freedom and our call to loving-service. Listen carefully to his words: “It was for liberty that Christ freed us. So stand firm, and do not take on yourselves the yoke of slavery a second time. My brothers and sisters, remember that you have been called to live in freedom … but not a freedom that gives free rein to the flesh. Out of love, place yourselves at one another’s service. The whole law has found its fulfillment in this one saying: ‘you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ If you go on biting and tearing one another to pieces, take care! You will end up in mutual destruction.” It is on such words as these written by Saint Paul that I would maintain that freedom without loving-service is anarchy; that unbridled freedom leads to destruction.

In our gospel reading from Luke, we heard the report of what happened when Jesus entered a Samaritan town on his way to Jerusalem. Now the Samaritans, as you know, had an on-going feud with the jews. And so it is no wonder that they would be most unfriendly to a group bound to the Jewish Holy City. James and John, two of Jesus’ closest disciples, were not pleased with this unfriendly treatment. They wanted Jesus to call down fire from heaven to destroy those perceived as enemies. But Jesus did not rebuke the Samaritans. Rather, he reprimanded his followers for their desire to destroy those who were unfriendly towards them.

Jesus had no desire to destroy those who were not committed to following him. They had a free choice not to follow him. But from those who did ask to follow him, Jesus demanded a strong commitment.

When one such young man, much like Elisha, said “let me bury my father first,” we hear Jesus say: “let the dead bury their dead; come away and proclaim the kingdom of God.” These sound like very harsh words, indeed, from Jesus. But some scripture scholars point out that there is no indication that the young man’s father had died yet. That what the young man had meant was, at some future time, when all of my current responsibilities have ended, then I want to follow you.

Jesus’ words in response sadly acknowledged that some people may say they want to be free to follow him, but, in reality, lack the commitment to do it. For when another said: “…first let me take leave of my people at home,” Jesus responded: “whoever puts his hand to the plow but keeps looking back, is unfit for the reign of God.” Once a person has chosen to follow Jesus the Christ, there must be no turning back to the old ways. One must be free to move onward.

But no one moves on alone. Each is accompanied by Jesus, himself; each one of us is accompanied in a very special way. All of our scriptural readings for today have dealt with plowing and with yokes. There is of course, one other story about yokes. In Matthew’s gospel we hear the words: “Come to me, all you who are weary and find life burdensome, and I will refresh you. Take my yoke upon your shoulders and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. Your souls will find rest, for my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

When we hear this invitation, we need to recall that Jesus was once a carpenter. A major job for a village carpenter was the construction of yokes for oxen. It was an exacting job. Each yoke was individually fitted to the oxen. The carpenter would first measure the oxen, like old time bootmakers measured Texans for boots. Then after the carpenter had completed the preliminary work, the oxen would be returned for exact fittings until the yoke was just right for each animal. It would not do to have the animal harmed by the yoke. Well, the Greek word usually translated as “easy” actually means “well-fitted.” Jesus, the carpenter, actually said: “my yoke is well-fitted,” you will not be harmed when we are joined together.

And this is what we are called to do. We are called to be yoked with Jesus the Christ in loving-service to others. He seeks our commitment to go forward with him into the reign of heaven.

His weekend we will gaze up into the heavens to view the fireworks which celebrate our nation’s call to freedom. We will see the celestial fires that prompt our “Oh’s” and “Ah’s.” But they will quickly vanish into smoke. As the ground shakes beneath us and young children cover their ears in the final bombardment, let us renew our own commitment to follow the light who exceeds all light. Let us resolve not to drift like left-over smoke but rather to catch a falling spark and kindle it into a flame of loving service – as we join with our Lord to become a light unto the world.

Thirteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 2, 1995 (Fourth of July weekend)
1 Kgs 19:16, 19-21; Gal 5:1, 13-18; Lk 9:51-62

Journey

How many of you have seen “Titanic?” Well, my question for today is for you. As for the rest of you, if you’re not planning to see “Titanic,” you might ask your friends after mass, what my question was all about. And if you haven’t seen it yet, but plan to, I’ll try to phrase my question so it doesn’t give too much away. My question is this: did Rose release “the Heart of the Ocean” by accident or on purpose? Did she relinquish her past by chance or by desire? That actually is a basic question for each one of us. Can I give up my past, what I have held on to, and what I have achieved, in order to move towards an uncertain future – a future that calls me forward, even if I am reluctant to go?

We heard about such an event in today’s first reading about two prophets: Elijah and Elisha. It’s the story of an older, established prophet, Elijah, nearing the end of his days on earth, and the need for him to find a young replacement, one who could continue his work on behalf of the Lord God. So Elijah found Elisha, the son and heir of a very wealthy man. At least his father was wealthy enough to own twelve yoke of oxen. And someday, Elisha would inherit all of his father’s property, both the land and the oxen to work it.

However, that is not what Elijah and the Lord God had in mind for Elisha. Instead of being a wealthy landowner, he was to be a poor, humble prophet who would wander the land and call others to return to the Lord God. When Elijah chose Elisha, the young man was not immediately willing. He wanted to say goodbye to his parents which, to me, seems the least that he should do.

But how did Elijah respond? Well, more or less he said: hey, Elisha, you have your own free will. It’s up to you to do what you want to do. If you want, you can go home and perhaps allow your folks to convince you how foolish it would be to give up all of this and go with me to follow God’s call. It doesn’t matter to me.

And what did Elisha do? Instead of going home, he made it impossible for him to return. He destroyed the wooden yokes in a bonfire he made to roast the slaughtered oxen. That’s destroying your past ties in a big-time way. Yet it appears to be a way that the Lord God approved of. His son advised the same thing to those who would follow him.

In our gospel reading we hear Jesus say to one person: if you follow me, there will be no safe haven, no place for you to hide, no place for you to call home. Even wild animals have lairs to run to. Even birds have places to raise their young. But if you follow me, expect no place even to sleep comfortably.

And to another Jesus said: if you really want to follow me, you must not wait until the time is perfect, a time when you are free of other responsibilities like taking care of your parents. You cannot wait for them to die first; you must come now, immediately.

And to a third he said: if you really want to follow me, you must give up your support group. You must let go of those who have given you comfort and friendship. You must give up your past if you accept my call to journey with me to Jerusalem, to follow your destiny.

And what is our destiny? To what are we called? What are our vocations, our callings: the ways we are to journey with Jesus the Christ? According to what we learned as youngsters in early catechisms, there are three vocations, three callings, three ways we can proceed on our journey with him. We learned that there is the married life, the single life, and the religious life. Let’s take a look for a moment at these three vocations, these three callings.

In the married life one is called to journey with Jesus along side one other person, a spouse. Here in this month of June and of marriages, many remember how a husband and wife are to walk as a couple with Jesus. A couple like the one who accompanied him on the road to Emmaus, who heard him speak, and were present at the breaking of the bread, before returning to the community to share the word – the word that he is risen and is with us now.

In the single life, one is called to journey with Jesus without any other direct assistance but in the company of many others who also walk with him as companions and friends. Each one is like the woman who meets him alone in the garden and then runs to tell the others that he is risen and is with us now.

In the religious life, one is called to journey with Jesus without a unique tie to any one person but rather to the entire community of believers, to the gathering, the Church. Each one is like the beloved disciple who rests beside Jesus at the communal meal, the one who peers into the empty tomb before returning to the community to tell them that the Lord is risen and is with us now.

Yes, whether we are called to journey in the married life, the single life or the religious life, each one of us has the vocation to share that life with others in our community, to tell others: he is risen and is with us now. And we are to live out the words we heard in today’s letter from Saint Paul to the Galatians: “out of love, place yourselves at one another’s service.”

At the same time, Paul reminds us that we are no longer bound by what he calls “the law,” the way of dead traditions that would yoke as to the slavery of the past but rather, we are guided by the spirit.
Paul tells us that it is possible to give up the old ways, the old life; those habits and events which are death-dealing, which make us tear one another to pieces; those actions that lead to mutual destruction.

Jesus knew first-hand about death and destruction, those elements that awaited him in Jerusalem, the place to which he was being called. On the one hand, he realized that this is the city where he would suffer his passion and his death. But Jerusalem would also be the city of his resurrection and of his glorification with God.

The journey before each one of us leads to the destiny of our own Jerusalem: a place of potential despair but also, a place of abiding hope. Perhaps on our journey, we each sail aboard a vessel towards a new land. Our ship may be the Titanic or it may be the Mayflower. And on that journey, we may need to let go of the past, to open our hand, to give up the “Heart of the Ocean” and find the Heart of God.

Thirteen Sunday of Ordinary Time; June 28, 1998
1 Kgs 19:16, 19-21; Gal 5:1, 13-18; Lk 9:51-62

Nostalgia

I wonder how many of you have joined the nostalgia movie kick this summer. It seems that all of the blockbusters for the last month or so have been based on the past we want to re-capture. The biggest appears to be “Batman.” I don’t know about you, but I practically grew up with the “caped crusader,” although at the time I didn’t realize he had so many psychological hang-ups. However, my real favorite was Captain Marvel. Wouldn’t it be great if an adolescent boy could really say a magic word and turn into a muscle-beach hunk in a red suit? How many of you remember that secret word? That’s right: SHAZAM.

Besides this summer’s Batman nostalgia, we also have a movie for the younger folks whose memory goes back only as far as “Ghost-Busters“. For the in-between crowd, there’s the latest “Indiana Jones” epic. However, if you’re not into sequels for your nostalgia, you can also see “The Dead Poet Society,” or the real nostalgia-grabber: “Field of Dreams.”

Field of Dreams” may be the best of the nostalgia movies for this season. It embodies so many of the major elements of our American mythology, especially all those wonderful memories about summertime when the living was easy.

One of the images in today’s gospel reading focuses on a summertime image. If you close your eyes, can’t you just see those fields ready for the harvest. For some of you, it might be corn fields like those you saw in “Field of Dreams.” Perhaps it might just be a field of tall grass ready to be cut and carried to the hayloft in the barn in an old wood-bottomed truck that looked nothing like the pick-ups driven by our city farmers here in Houston.

It would be very tempting to focus on scenes like this for today’s reflection. To meditate on swimming holes and rope swings. After all, did we not hear in today’s gospel how the seventy-two disciples were to bring “peace” to the households they visited when Jesus sent them out? Aren’t these visions of “peace” and comfort worth thinking about? I fully admit that they are. Nevertheless, the focus of today’s reflection is on our bringing that peace and comfort to others rather than upon our receiving it.

As much as we might want to forget it, there is another summertime nostalgic story. Do you recall the fable of the ant and the grasshopper? How the grasshopper fiddled and played all summer while the industrious ant worked at gathering her supplies for the winter and was able to survive while the poor grasshopper suffered in the cold. In our gospel story we are once more reminded how we need to prepare the way for Christ. Let’s take a closer look at what we heard in today’s gospel reading.

First of all, there is the matter of the seventy-two followers Jesus sent out to the towns where he planned to go. Most of the time we think about only the Twelve Apostles; how Jesus sent them out on special missions. We sort of view all of his other followers as part of the crowd. A crowd who listened to him, who were perhaps healed or changed by his presence but weren’t really expected to do anything else. Yet in today’s reading we are told something different. Jesus not only sent out twelve special messengers, twelve men we call apostles, since that is what the word “apostles” means. (It means messengers, or ambassadors, those who are sent out), Jesus sent out not only twelve apostles but six times as many men and women to preach that the Reign of God is near.

What does that mean for us? I believe it means we can’t hide behind the excuse that you have to be someone special, one of the select Twelve, in order to spread the message of Christ. I believe that while bishops may view themselves as the heirs of the Apostles, all Christians are heirs of the Seventy-two whom Jesus sent out to the towns ahead of his coming to them personally.

And what instructions did he give to those seventy-two men and women? First of all, he reminded them, and he reminds us, you don’t have to be completely prepared to do God’s work, to spread the Good News of the kingdom. The Seventy-two did not need to carry a walking stick or a traveling bag. All they needed was what they had. We, too, do not need extra equipment in order to speak about the Christ. What we have and who we are right now are all he expects of us. What else did he tell them?

At first, it might sound puzzling to hear him say that they should not greet anyone along the way. That sounds down-right unfriendly and not like Jesus at all. Perhaps, what he was really saying is something that we all need to hear: don’t procrastinate. Don’t put off getting to where you are needed. Do what must really be done rather than what you might think is more pleasant to do. How many times have we said something like: “I’ll start my diet tomorrow?” Or when it comes to our spiritual welfare, something like: “I can start praying tomorrow, today’s is almost over and there isn’t any time left today.”

Besides telling the seventy-two disciples to use what they had and not to delay in doing what must be done, Jesus also instructed them on what they had to do in order to prepare the way for his coming. They were to bring to each place, the Peace of Christ; they were supposed to stay where they were needed and not go off from place to place looking for new adventures; and finally, they were to cure the sick who came to them.

These may be thought to be difficult tasks for the Seventy-two and for us to accomplish. How do we bring peace? Why is it necessary to stay in one place? How do I cure the illness of others? Perhaps it might help to take a look at another image we heard about in today’s readings: the major image we saw in the First Reading from Isaiah.

In this passage, Isaiah speaks of Jerusalem and of God in terms of a nursing mother. This is a difficult image for us. In our modern, American culture, we can imagine God as a father and pray to a masculine God as Jesus taught us when he gave us the prayer to “Abba”. I admit that it is not often that I think of God as a mother who nurses me.

Ours is a “Simulac” culture. We seldom think of breast-fed babies. We rarely remember the classical art depicting a nursing Madonna. But think for a moment of that image of the peace and comfort of those classic portraits. Imagine for a moment the absolute stillness of the mother and child. Agitation and nursing are incompatible. There is an absolute demand for stillness, for peace, for comfort, for inner healing during such moments. It is with this in mind that Isaiah can quote God as saying: “Oh, that you may suck fully of the milk of her comfort, that you may delight at her abundant breasts! … as nurslings, you shall be carried in her arms, and fondled in her lap; as a mother comforts her son, so will I comfort you.”

Indeed, God is our father and our mother. God is our parent who gives us peace. God is also the one who sends us forth in the words of his Son to bring peace to others, to heal the illness of others.
● We are to heal broken hearts, broken bodies and broken spirits.
● We are to drive out the demons of despair, of hatred, of anger and of strife.
● We are to comfort those who are imprisoned by guilt and by loneliness.
● We are to nourish those who are hungry in body and in soul.
● We are to clothe those who are naked in body and uncovered in their loss of dignity.

We are the laborers who are sent into the fields. We are not sent into these fields alone; each one by himself or herself. Instead, we are sent out in pairs, we are sent out in community to harvest the fields. And when those seventy-two laborers returned to Jesus to tell him about the wonders they had accomplished in his name, he reminded them of one last important matter. He reminded them that they should not take pride in what they had accomplished; they should not be proud that they expelled demons and evil spirits, but rather rejoice that, because of him, they were part of that kingdom which they proclaimed.

A few minutes ago, I said that the movie, “Field of Dreams” is a major example of a movie focused on nostalgia, a sentimental return to the past. But it is also a movie which tells what a person must do when called by an unseen voice. It tells of how a person must continue to work when others believe that the work is unproductive or even crazy. Two thousand years ago, Jesus sent seventy-two people out before him to tell others that the Kingdom of God is near. I wonder if he said something like this to them, and now, to us: “If you build it, he will come.”

Fourteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 9, 1989
Is 66:10-14; Gal 6:14-18; Lk 10:1-12, 17-20

Immigration: Fourth

My question for today fits in with the national holiday we celebrate this weekend. It’s about the event occurring on July 3rd and July 4th, 1776. My question is this: If you were alive some 234 years ago – and a member of the Continental Congress meeting in Philadelphia – would you have signed the Declaration of Independence?

Would you have been a conservative delegate in that Congress – one who desired to preserve the existing relationship of the colonies with their rightful ruler, George III? Would you have left the meeting – as did those who wanted to continue the status quo rather than to become a traitor?

Or being a liberal desiring change, would you have been willing to be a traitor to the crown, to the king of England, whose rightful power was derived from God – as it had been for hundreds, if not thousands of years of history? Remember: the divine right of kings had been in existence since very ancient times. Would you have been willing to put your signature on a document that called the king a tyrant to be overthrown? After all, this Declaration of Independence listed all of the “wrongs” the colonists believed King George had committed – and why there should be independent states.

Would you have agreed that “all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?” Today’s scripture readings agree with this point of view. These readings do not support the status quo, they are in favor of change … in favor of a new life for the oppressed.

In our first reading we hear the words spoken by the Prophet Isaiah addressing those Israelites held in bondage in Babylon. Isaiah spoke of a return to Jerusalem over which the LORD GOD would spread peace and prosperity like a river. A place where they would be nurtured as would a child by its mother. A place of comfort and acceptance.

Those colonists who first ventured to the New World some three hundred years ago, saw America as the “New Jerusalem” … a land where “[their] hearts shall rejoice and [their] bodies flourish like the grass.”
● A place of new hope for the ages.
● A place where they could escape from the repressions which had held them back.
● A land where they could seek a new life for themselves and their families.

Through their own hard work over the ensuing years, they were able to fulfill this promise and form a new nation, a nation with the motto: “e pluribus unum …. out of many, one.” It is from our long tradition that, in 1938, FDR began a presidential address to the Daughters of the American Revolution with the words: “My fellow immigrants …”

It is with this tradition of being a nation of immigrants that – in a recent letter to all priests and deacons – Cardinal DiNardo encouraged all Catholic homilists to address the concerns of immigration on this Fourth of July weekend, the time of our annual celebration of our Independence, of our willingness to change from a known past to an unknown future.

Yes, July 4th would be a good time to recall how in the 1700’s the people of Ireland arrived here as indentured servants, working off their immigration costs in order to become citizens of this nation.
● To recall the 1800’s when the French fled the sometimes deadly results of their own revolution to come to the United States.
● To remember that the Irish and French were soon followed by the Germans who, looking for a better life, settled the American frontier from Pennsylvania to the mid-west and Texas.

It is also time to recall how, in the early 1900’s, the newly imposed quota system for immigrants limited the numbers from Eastern and Southern Europe arriving in New York City or Galveston. It was during this period that my own grandparents came to Ohio from Poland and from Italy. They spoke no English. They came here for a better life. Obviously I’m glad they did.

However, it was not a problem-free life in which my grandparents, my American-born parents and I lived out the hopes and dreams of my grandparents. In the early 1900’s, Ohio was the site of Ku Klux Klan threats against Catholics, especially first-generation Catholics. The KKK tried to toss my mother out of a window at school, because she was a Roman Catholic who supposedly followed a foreign leader, the Pope.

The discrimination I endured was more subtle. It occurred only after I introduced myself to others, especially adults. When I said that my name was Pat Camerino, the usual response was: “Really … you don’t look Italian.” I was never sure how to respond to such a comment. I could not understand how I quickly moved from being accepted – to being viewed as somehow associated with the Mafia in Niles, Ohio: the industrial town where I was raised.

Unfortunately, some sixty years later, although the situation has changed for me as a Italian-Polish-American, it has not changed for recent immigrants from Mexico or Latin America or from South-Asian countries such as Viet Nam. In fact it may not have changed from the time when Jesus sent out his 72 friends to the towns who had not yet heard his teachings. The words he spoke to his friends could just as easily be said about these recent migrants: “The harvest is abundant but the laborers are few, so ask the [foreman] to send out laborers for his harvest. Go on your way, behold, I am sending you like lambs among wolves. Carry no money bag, no sack, no sandals, and greet no one along the way. Into whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this household.’ If a peaceful person lives there, your peace will rest on him; but if not, it will return to you. Stay in the same house and eat and drink what is offered to you, for the laborer deserves his payment.”

Yes, many of the residents of the towns the disciples entered did not accept them … just as many who arrive in our towns and cities are not accepted. And yes, there are those who might say: but Jesus was talking about his disciples, not about illegal immigrants or even those with documents that show they are legal immigrants.

And yes, there are differences between those who do not follow the law and those who do. There was also a time when “workers without papers” were called WOPS … a term many applied equally to my American-born parents. Yes, the legal status of migrants is important. However, as Cardinal DiNardo and other Houston religious leaders have pointed out … many of our current immigration policies and practices do not allow a humane and fair implementation that would allow for an increase in the legal immigration of those either fleeing repression and danger – or those seeking to improve the way of life for their families, as did my own grandparents.

Another religious leader, Saint Paul, believed that the teachings of Christ set us aside from prior associations which bound us. Saint Paul reminds the Galatians that it was neither circumcision (which identified all Jewish males and which once bound them to the Laws of Torah) nor un-circumcision (which identified all Gentile men) – that now mattered. Rather peace and mercy are to be shown to all who practice the teachings of the crucified Lord Jesus Christ. The sign of the cross now unites all who follow him.

Two hundred and thirty four years ago, members of an assembly meeting in Philadelphia said that certain truths are self-evident … that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with the rights of Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. They were courageous leaders who were willing to sign a document stating this and, thereby, becoming traitors to the existing order. They were willing to look to a different future, a changed future, in which these words might became a reality for everyone.

Today we are not called to sign such a world-changing document. But as followers of Christ we are called to accept our brothers and sisters and state: “The kingdom of God is at hand for you.” Yes, for all of you.

14th Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 4, 2010
Is 66:10-14c; Gal 6:14-18; Lk 10:1-9 (shorter form)

Good Neighbor

Well, we’ve just heard what might be one of the best-known parables in the Bible, the story of the “Good Samaritan.” You may have heard it so many times that, if you were asked, you could probably re-tell it, almost word for word. By now, you could probably give your own homily on just what it means – or is supposed to mean.

We have a lawyer – or a student of the law, depending upon the translation – ask Jesus a question: “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life? How can I gain entrance into the kingdom of god you keep talking about?” Jesus, like many Jewish teachers, answers the question with another question: “What do our holy scriptures, our written Law, have to say about this question?”

The questioner responds by repeating the core of the Hebrew Testament: “Love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus wholeheartedly agrees with this scholar of the law; but this particular lawyer continues to express his puzzlement by asking: “Who is my neighbor? Whom must I love as an extension of my very self?”

And Jesus tells his story about the outsider, the one who is not at all like the questioning Jewish lawyer; how the outsider is the neighbor, the one who shows compassion to another. Yes, on the surface, we’re all familiar with the story of the “Good Samaritan.” Perhaps too familiar, in fact, so familiar that we overlook some of the details. So, I have my own question for you, today. (You don’t think I’d forgotten about it, do you?)

My question is almost the same as the one I asked three weeks ago when I spoke about public opinion polls and the question: “Who am I? Who do people say I am?” Today’s question is this: in the story of the “Good Samaritan,” who are you? What role do you play in today’s gospel reading? There are a lot of people in today’s reading for you to choose from.

First of all, there’s the man who asked the questions: “What must I do inherit eternal life? Who is my neighbor?” I suppose that I, myself, am much like this guy. I do seem to ask a lot of questions, even when I know the answer; or perhaps, especially when I think I know the answer. Usually, I do it when I’m trying to teach something; when I’m trying to help someone learn something. After all, Jesus did the same thing in today’s story. He answered a question with another question, in the expectation that the lawyer already knew the correct answer and merely needed to say it. How many of you are like me, and the lawyer, asking questions about things we already know the answer to? How many of us ask the questions: “What must I do to be with God?” and: “Who is my neighbor?” when we already know the answers?

There are other roles, other players, in today’s reading; others for consideration. How about the robbers? How many of us abuse others, take away their possessions and leave them half-dead? No, probably none of us are actual muggers who prowl FM 1960 or Louetta as the robbers did on the road between Jerusalem and Jericho. But, unfortunately, there are some who do abuse others. There are those who abuse a child or a spouse or a friend; perhaps an acquaintance at work or at school. Not necessarily with physical abuse but, more likely, with emotional or spiritual abuse. Those who rob others of their dignity as human beings. Who leave them half-dead along the road we travel.

There is also the role of the victim. The one who was abused and left half-dead by the robbers. How many of us feel that this is the role we play, the role assigned to us by others or, perhaps, by ourselves? How many of us wait, half-dead, along the highway of life, waiting, hoping, praying for someone to see us and come to our rescue? How many wait for someone else to help us?

And how about the priest and the Levite who passed by the injured man? How many play this role in their own lives? These two who dedicated their professional lives to God and God’s people; they were able to pass by an injured man. Bible scholars tell us that they probably tried to “self-justify” their actions, thinking that the man was not merely injured, but was dead. If he were dead, they would become ritually unclean if they touched him and then they would not be able to worship in the temple in Jerusalem nor even be part of their own communities. And so they hurried on, believing they had done the right thing, that this is what their God expected of them.

How many of us ignore our responsibilities to others with our own self-justification that we are doing the right thing? We’re already too busy, too involved in our own professions; in what our jobs call us to do that we cannot find time to help someone else in distress. Our actions for others will cause us greater inconvenience. Besides, what good can we actually do? Let someone else bury the dead; we need to get on with our lives.

Then there is the “Good Samaritan.” Most of us hope that we play this role in life. That we’re willing to help others no matter what their backgrounds might be. Our care for them does not depend on race, religion, social status nor gender preference. We help others even if it delays our own journey and does not fit in with what we planned for today. Yes, like the good Samaritan, we care for others. And also like the good Samaritan, only on a temporary basis. After all, there are things I must do. I need to continue my own journey. And so, I’m willing to give from my other resources to pay someone else to continue what I do not have time to give. Just as the good Samaritan gave to the innkeeper two silver coins, there are those of us who give money to charities to continue this work. Some may even tithe and give ten percent of their income to support such good works. Bible scholars, however, point out that the two silver coins amounted to two day’s wages. On an annual basis, there are probably not many of us who contribute forty percent of our income to charitable works.

Finally, there is the innkeeper. He, – or she, since women back then could also be innkeepers – the innkeeper is the one who did the actual on-going work of caring for the injured man. Once the Samaritan left the inn, it was the responsibility of the innkeeper to look out for the welfare of the injured one without any guarantee that the Samaritan would, in fact, ever return with any re-payment. Could this Jewish innkeeper on the road between Jerusalem and Jericho really believe that this foreign tourist would keep his word?

How many of us continue to do the right thing, to care for those left in our charge without any guarantee that we will be recompensed? How many fathers and mothers care for the welfare of their children, without expectation that they, themselves, will be cared for in their own old age? How many spouses provide for one another without benefit of pre-nuptial agreements? How many volunteer their time to help others in whatever way they can? I trust that many do. Because, you see, for me, the main hero of the story we heard today is not the Samaritan but rather the forgotten innkeeper, the one who cared daily and directly for the injured person perhaps, in part, because this is what was expected of someone with this calling.

Yet the religious professionals did not completely live up to their calling. On the other hand, the innkeeper trusted the word of a sworn enemy, the foreign Samaritan. The innkeeper was willing to continue showing compassion and mercy, without any real guarantee that there would ever be a pay-back. Yes, perhaps, this is a story about a “Good Innkeeper” as much as it is about a “Good Samaritan.” In the long run, Jesus did not specify who was the neighbor to the robbers’ victim. He merely accepted the answer: “… the one who treated him with mercy.” And Jesus added his final instruction: “Go and do likewise.”

Fifteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 11, 2004
Dt 30:10-14; Col 1:15-20; Lk 10:25-37

Choice

Well, you don’t need to respond out loud or raise your hand to answer today’s question. It’s a very simple one: How many of you stayed up all night to read “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?” And if you did, please don’t tell me after Mass, how it ends. I still haven’t got my copy. Yes, this is the weekend when many of us find out what happens to Harry Potter and to Voldemort. For some, it’s been a ten-year wait. But for a lot of other people, they could care less. In fact, for some, the whole Harry Potter fad seems to be anti-Christian and they’ve avoided or resented the stories of his magical world.

However, I for one see, a lot of Christianity in the stories. After all, the major power in Harry’s world is the power of “sacrificial love.” And for me, this is also the focus of Christianity, the sacrificial love of the Father who sends his Son to us for our salvation. In Harry’s world, the greatest evil is represented by Voldemort, a name which could mean “Turning towards death.” Voldemort, who seeks and dispenses evil by means of his own fractured soul. But today’s homily is not about Harry Potter. Instead, I’d like to reflect on the biblical readings we heard. Readings which focus on “hospitality” and on “choice.”

Hospitality. Openness to others. The warmth, comfort, even an opportunity, for healing we give to others. In particular to the stranger who comes to our door. Hospitality was a vital part of the ancient culture of a nomadic people. Hospitality was a way of life among those who wandered the deserts of the Holy Land, either as herders of goats or sheep or as traders bringing goods from distant places. Hospitality was essential for these people in order for them to survive.

Our first reading tells of the hospitality of Abraham and Sarah to three strangers who approached their tent. Abraham, the father of the Israelites and of the Arabic nomads who later followed the prophesies of Muhammad. When the three strangers approached his tent, pitched next to a lonely tree, he could have hidden himself or prepared to defend his wife. Instead he rushed out to greet them and offered them his hospitality. Water with which they could wash off the dust of their travel. And food and drink to strengthen them on their journey. In return, they promised Abraham and his elderly wife the hope of a son.

And then we have today’s gospel reading in which Jesus and his disciples enter a village where they are shown hospitality by two sisters: Mary and Martha. We heard how Martha, following the culture of her time, offered the guests the usual hospitality of water for washing and food and drink to fortify them. We also heard of an unthinkable event. An extraordinary event.

We heard how a woman, the sister named Mary, sat down with the men to listen to what Jesus had to say. Two thousand years later, it’s difficult for most of us to realize the shock and dismay such a simple action would cause. A woman sitting down in a private home with male companions and listening to a wandering teacher was unthinkable. It might be acceptable for a woman to join with her husband or her family in an open field to listen to him; but it simply was totally unacceptable for this to occur in her own home. She was rightly chastised by her sister, Martha, for not participating in offering their hospitality to the visitors.

But she was not chastised, she was not criticized, by Jesus for this apparent failing. Instead, he seems pleased with her presence, with her listening to him. He tells Martha not to be concerned about the many obligations she perceived; but rather to allow Mary to continue to listen to him. Perhaps he implied that Martha, herself, should join them. Should give up the obligations she thought she had to fulfill, in accord with their customs and culture,

Today when we hear this story, many believe we might conclude that each one of us should become both Mary and Martha. That we must balance our need to do the work required of us and to listen to the teachings of Christ. After all, much of Catholic teaching is based upon the observation that we do not belong to a so-called “either/or” religion, but rather we are part of a “both/and” way of life.

In the first place, we believe our God is both “all just” and “all forgiving” – that He is not “either” a God of Justice, sometimes “or” a God of Mercy, sometimes, but rather our God is a God of both Justice and Mercy all the time, even if we, as humans, cannot understand exactly “how” this can be true.

We believe that his Son, the one we call Jesus the Christ, is “both human and divine,” not “either one or the other.” We do not believe he is divine one moment and human the next.

We believe that Mary, his mother, is “both a mother and a virgin.” Yet, in human thinking, the two terms are mutually exclusive. A woman is either a “mother” or a “virgin,” never both. Yet we believe that Mary is.

We believe that humanity is both mortal and immortal; that each one of us consists of a mortal body and an immortal soul. We, ourselves, are “both/and” rather than “either/or.”

And so we may rightfully agree that we are called to be “both Mary and Martha” – that we are called to be “of this world” and “not of this world.” As far as it goes, this is true. We are, indeed, both “of this world” and “not of this world.” We are to work for the coming of the kingdom at some future time and, at the same moment, to realize that the kingdom, the reign of God, exists now, at this very moment.

And so, perhaps, each one of us is, indeed, called to be both Mary and Martha. However, if we stop here, there may be a missing part in such an interpretation of today’s gospel reading. Or if not a “missing” part, perhaps an “incomplete” part. This can happen if we ignore, or skip lightly over, the response of Jesus to Martha’s annoyance with Mary. Jesus said: “Mary has chosen the better part …”

Chosen.” Yes, Mary could rightfully have followed the cultural dictate of hospitality, of serving the guests in her home. However, she “chose” to go beyond merely following her culture. She chose to listen directly to Jesus the Christ. And we are called to do the same.

There are times when our culture, our usual way of thinking and of acting, must be put aside so that we, too, can listen directly to the words of Jesus the Christ. Our society may call for war and retribution when Jesus calls us towards peace and reconciliation. And yes, there is, as scripture tells us elsewhere: “there is a time for war, a time for tearing down.” But there is “also a time for peace, for building up.”

Our society may tell us that certain actions are not acceptable and must be punished. Yet Jesus may well urge us to welcome the alien, the lost, the homeless among us.

Today’s readings confirm that each of us has a choice. We can continue to do merely what our culture has said we should do, what is expected of us to do, even what might be necessary to do. We also can choose to set aside cultural imperatives and listen directly to Jesus the Christ, who speaks to each one of us and is delighted when we sit at his feet listening to him.

Indeed, sacrificial love is still demanded of us.
● The Love … to turn aside from our own self-interests and give our lives for the life of others.
● The Love … to avoid fracturing our own souls.
● The Love … to be both hospitable to others and to listen to the voice of our Lord who says: “There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”

Yes, we have been given the gift of free will, the gift to choose the “culture of life” or the “culture of death.” And perhaps, this is, indeed, the only “either/or” choice we have. Either to ignore Christ or to follow Him. We cannot do both. May each of us choose the “better part” – knowing that it will not be taken from us.

16th Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 22, 2007
Gn 18:1-10a; Col 1:24-28; Lk 10:38-42

Transfiguration

Today’s question is another personal one – one for you to think about for a moment; one that calls upon your memory. My question is this: What event in your life is one that you wanted to last? It could also have been a major turning point in your life. It could have been brief in reality or it could have gone on for years. But it’s one you wanted to preserve.

For some it might be a very romantic event. The time you were dating a very special person. The time of your wedding and honeymoon. It could be the birth of your child, a time of joy. It might be a special trip or vacation. Four days in Disney-world. An island cruise. A trip to Mexico. Or perhaps, a few days in Colorado or even in Galveston or San Antonio. It could even be your first really-good job, a time when you were respected and appreciated for what you were doing. A time that held all you thought you really wanted out of life.

Each one of us, if we think about it, can recall a time when everything seemed to be perfect; when our life was completely “all-together.” Each one of us had, for a brief moment, our own Camelot. If only we could have preserved it. Put it under glass. Protected it, so that it would still be with us, every moment of our lives.

Saint Peter was like that. We heard all about his feelings in our gospel reading for today. We also heard his own recounting of that glorious experience. He wrote about it in what is called “the Second Letter of Peter.” A passage was read from this letter as our Second Reading for today.

The events we recall in our own lives are probably not as dramatic as the one Peter, James and John witnessed there on the mountain. After all, we seldom hear, directly, the spoken word of God. They did. For Peter wrote: “… we were eyewitnesses of [Jesus’] sovereign majesty. He received glory and praise from God the Father when that unique declaration came to him out of the majestic splendor: ‘This is my beloved Son on whom my favor rests.’ We ourselves heard this said from heaven while we were in his company on the holy mountain.”

It was there, where Jesus and his friends had retreated to pray, that Moses, the lawgiver, the founder of Israel, and Elijah, the prophet, the restorer of Israel, met with him. On Mount Sinai, Moses had received the Law, the Ten Commandments from the Lord God. On Mount Horeb, Elijah had seen the Lord God, himself, not in storm, earthquake or fire, but in a gentle, whispering breeze. And now on this holy Mount Tabor, they spoke with Jesus about his own “Exodus,” his own “passage” which would occur in Jerusalem.

And what was Peter’s immediate reaction? He said: “Master, how good it is for us to be here. Let us set up three booths, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” In effect, what he was suggesting was: let us preserve the memory of this great event. Let us erect monuments so that it will be visible to us and others for the rest of our lives.

There are many of us who are like Peter. We want to preserve in some physical way the major event in our life. We wish we could freeze-frame it with a push of a button on our video recorder. There are also some who do not merely remember the past, but rather, try to take the past with them into the present. There are classic stories of the high-school football player who still lives out the faded glory of that winning touchdown.

There are not-so-classic stories of others who try to say that the past is not really over; that today is still the same as yesterday. There are those who have erected booths upon their mountaintops to preserve a magnificent event. And over the years, the simple booth became a temple and then a fortress to keep out all new changes, all new thoughts and ideas.

But Jesus did not want to have booths erected for his particular encounter with the past. In the transfiguration stories found in the Gospels of Mark and of Matthew, Jesus tells Peter and the others not to speak of this event until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead. Here, in Luke’s account, it reads: “the disciples kept quiet, telling nothing of what they had seen at the time to anyone.” They had just heard the voice of God say: “This is my Son, my Chosen one. My Anointed one. The Christ. Listen to him.” And they were to tell no one of this event.

As I said, Jesus did not want them to perpetuate his encounter with the past, his meeting with Moses and Elijah. Rather he spoke to them of his future, his suffering, his death and his resurrection. It was these events he wanted them to remember and to celebrate. And so, they did. And so do we.

Each Sunday we gather together here at Eucharist to remember and to celebrate. And to enter into tomorrow. For this is the focus spoken to us by Jesus the Christ. As great as the events of the past might be, as necessary as they are to making each one of us the person who exists right now, it is even more necessary that we move onwards. We must come down from our mountaintop and re-enter the world of suffering, of death, but death coupled with resurrection and joy.

Mountaintop experiences give us strength and conviction for our journey; but they are not the journey, itself. There is more to life than living in the past. Having heard the voice of the Lord God spoken from the mists and clouds that surround our mountaintops, we now must listen to the word of God made flesh, the word of God who is transformed into the body and blood we eat and drink at this celebration. The word of God who tells us to go forth and be Eucharist for others. We are asked not to preserve the past in physical structures. We are not to live on the glory of our past accomplishments. Rather we are to join in the new Exodus, the new journey. We must come down from the mountaintop and continue our journey into the kingdom of God.

Transfiguration of the Lord: August 6, 1995
Dan 7:9-10, 13-14; 2 Pt 1:15-19; Lk 9:28-36

Parents

Today’s question is a two-parter. However, both are easy. The first one is: How many of you are parents? (Good.) The second one is: how many of you are children of parents? Well, if you answered “yes” to the first question, you may have an easier time following my homily for today. And if you didn’t respond with a “yes” to the second one, you might want to talk with a reporter for the “Enquirer” or another one of those tabloid newspapers. But for the rest of you, the focus for today’s reflection is on parental love: the love of a parent for a child. I really believe you need to be a parent before you can truly feel how a parent loves a child.

That certainly is the way it was for me. Like a lot of people, I never understood where my father was coming from until I became a father, myself. I doubt if my two sons really understood me, until they had their own children. At least, I hope they understand me a little bit better now. So what’s it like to be a parent? What do we want for our kids?

First of all: we simply want the “best” for them. Is there a parent who wants less than the “best” for the child? We would do practically anything to have them healthy and happy. In this country, the vast majority of parents tend to give their children not only what the kids “need”, but also what they “want”. Our modern advertising system recognizes this fact. We stock our cupboards with things they will eat, and we hope are good for them. We may complain that they stand too long with the refrigerator door open but at last what they finally take out is something we believe they should have.

We provide not only the “essentials” of life but often we respond to their “desires” as well. At the same time, we parents try to teach our children not to think that they can have everything they ask for. If we believe that a positive response to a request can be harmful or misused, as loving and concerned parents, we say things like: “no, you can’t have a hand-gun. No, you can’t go out driving at midnight.”

We listen constantly to their demands of: “Dad, can I have …” and “Mom, I just have to have …” However, even if we know what they want, what they think they need – or they will just up and die – even when we know what they will say, we still want to hear them ask for it. Perhaps for no better reason than to have our kids confirm to themselves, out loud, that this is really what they believe they need. For sometimes, it is only when we speak the words, that we truly know what these words mean and what we really want.

We parents try to give them what we think is best for them and we try to get them to understand just why it is the best for them, no matter how persistent they are in asking for something else. Persistence is one way to describe it. Other terms include “pleading” and “nagging.” They think they are breaking us down and finally getting their own way. They try to bargain with us. It’s a process we heard about in our readings for today.

In our first reading we heard how Abraham went “one-on-one” with God. Now here’s a question for you: do you think that Abraham changed God’s mind about how many innocent people were needed to save Sodom? Or do you think that God knew all along and wanted Abraham to know just how merciful he, himself, would be, given the chance? Was God willing right from the start, to save the entire city for the sake of the few innocent people that might live there, but he wanted Abraham to realize just how merciful the Lord God could be, if only Abraham showed his own mercy.

We are often told that this is a story of persistence and how persistence pays off. The same is true for the story we heard in today’s gospel reading. In that story the man was able to obtain bread from his sleepy friend because of his persistence in banging on the door. Yet, I wonder what would have happened if the man had gone to a stranger and not to the house of an established friend? Instead of receiving the food, would he have gotten a pot of water poured on his head? Is it not true that persistence with those who love us, has different results than persistence with those who have no regard for us?

At the beginning of today’s gospel reading, we found Jesus deep in prayer with God. He was relating to God in a very special way. His friends, who no doubt had often prayed to God as every good Jew prayed to God, they wanted to know what they should say to have a deeper relationship with their God. In response, Jesus taught them a new prayer, new words to express the relationship they could have with their God.

He began his prayer by saying: “Father”. He began by telling us that we should call our God by a name rich in ancient meanings – meanings which for many today, do not hold the same connotations. Many of us have not experienced the relationship offered by a loving father, a Daddy. Others find it offensive to refer to God only as “father” and say we should be willing to begin by saying: “our mother”. In some cultures, all of the attributes we once associated with the word, “father,” are found in the word “grandfather” and so for them, there may be a desire to begin our prayer by saying: “our grandfather”.

But in the long run, no matter what word we would prefer to use, Jesus reminds us that our God is a personal being, one who relates to us as a loving parent relates to a child. This is what I have been attempting to have us who are parents, who are fathers or mothers, who are biological or spiritual mothers or fathers – to have us remember. Just as we love our own children, so our God loves us. Just as we want the best for our children, our God wants the best for us.

And so, when we pray the words Jesus taught us, we pray to You, Our Father, the One who is above us yet who touches us with love as the sky touches the earth, present but unseen, who is with us no matter where we are. We know that You want only the best for us and that You, who can do everything, will do everything possible to help us; that each and every day, You will provide the strength, the sustenance, the food we need to survive this day.

We know that You want to help us and You want us to help others; that You want to heal us and You want us to heal others. We know that You will protect us from harm and help us to do all we can to avoid the harm we may bring upon ourselves by what we do or fail to do.

And yet our prayer does not end there. In today’s gospel, we are reminded that we need to be persistent. That we have friends who will help when we ask them for help. We are reminded that just as we don’t expect our own children to just sit back and be passive all their lives, we, ourselves, are to be active in accomplishing what needs to be done.

A few minutes ago, I asked if you are either a parent or the child of a parent. But here is an even greater question for you to consider: do you really believe that God is your own parent? That the power who created the sun and the stars is your father? That the one who gives life to all plants and animals is your mother? That the one who gives you, yourself, life and is your parent also gives life and love to the person sitting in front of you or beside you?

And if you can truly say that God relates to you and to everyone else as your mutual grandfather, your common grandmother; your own father, mother, parent; your guardian who nurtures you and wants only the best for you and for everyone who lives on this planet, if you can say “yes” to this question, then you are ready for the next one: can you change the mind of God? Or is it our task to change ourselves so that we can become what our parent knows we have the capability of becoming: true brothers and sisters; sons and daughters; children of the living God?

Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; July 26, 1998
Gn 18;20-32; Col 2:12-14; Lk 11: 1-13:

Icons and Idols

Today’s question is one I don’t expect you’ll be able to answer directly. It’s one you may need to think about, meditate about; maybe, even pray about. My question is this: What is the difference between an “icon” and an “idol?”

If you’re under the age of twenty-five, the first thought you might have is that an “icon” is the little image on your computer screen you click on in order to launch a new program. And an “idol” is someone like Lance Armstrong. Or part of the name of a reality entertainment program. Our lives have been filled with many “idols.” Usually they’re drawn from the entertainment or sports world. On the other hand, “icons” are few and far between. Movie and music stars are more in evidence than Mother Theresa types.

Yes, the Mother Theresa image actually represents, more closely, what I believe is the true meaning of “icon.” Both icons and idols are images: models of behavior, signs of what – or who – we honor; what – or who – we choose to follow. An icon is an image which draws us upwards; towards what is good and noble. An idol is an image which propels us downwards: towards what is evil and base.

In today’s Second Reading, Saint Paul spoke of “the greed that is idolatry.” He also spoke of putting on the new self, which is to be the image, the icon, of its creator. The image for us to follow is either that of the idol of greed or the icon of Christ.
● The idol of greed which says: “I have everything I need, but I want to get even more from others.”
● The icon of Christ who says: “I have everything I need, and I want to share it with others.”

Few of us here, today, would admit to being greedy or of desiring to bow down to an idol of greed. When we think about the image of such an idol, we – who have been well-trained with the images of Walt Disney – we usually picture one of two types of greed. On the one side, there is the overweight king, dressed in royal robes sitting on piles of gold, with precious gems running between his fingers. On the other side, there is the skinny miser, dressed in ragged clothes, counting out his coins beside a flickering candle. Neither picture represents me; therefore, I cannot be called “greedy.” Can I?

But what is the reality of greed? After all, surely it’s acceptable for me to want a good life and be entitled to an even better one. What’s wrong with wanting to get a little more than I now have? Is it “greedy” for me, if I’m older, to desire security and a happy, old age. One in which I’m not dependent on MediCare or other government handouts. A life where I do not need to depend on the kindness of relatives and friends, a life where I am self-reliant?

Is it “greedy” for me, if I’m younger, to desire owning the latest electronic gadgets? Am I not entitled, if I can afford it or, if my credit card is not yet maxed out, to buy a cell phone that takes photos as well as voice mail and text messages? What about an I-pod? Is it an “icon” or an “idol” for the modern age?

However, the question of “icon” or “idol” is not really about any particular thing I might want to buy. Rather, the basic question is: are my desires, the images I follow in my life, “Icons” or “idols?”

Perhaps a hint of an answer comes from answers to another set of questions – questions about the result of the image. Does the image I follow make me a better person? One who is sensitive to the needs of others. One who is willing to help others? One who is “other-centered?” Or — does the image I follow make me a “self-centered” person? One who demands that the rest of the world revolves around me? A universe where I am the sun and everyone else a mere planet or maybe even “planetoids?” Does the universe of which I am a part bear any resemblance to reality or does it consist of mere vapors and mists?

For this, after all, is what the poet known as Qoheleth or Ecclesiastes spoke about in our first reading, when he used the term “vanity.” Vanity. Vapors, mists, emptiness. We labor throughout our lives but cannot take anything with us. Instead, we must leave it for others who did not work for it. Our efforts become as smoke blown by the wind. A mere vanity of vanities.

Jesus spoke, in a similar manner, to his friends to whom he told a parable about a rich man who planned for more. We are reminded that we may attempt to construct more storehouses for our belongings; all those purchases we believe are essential now and in the distant future when, in reality, we can take no stored-up treasures with us when we stand before God other than the non-physical riches which do matter to God: our actions.

Our actions
● when we helped others,
● when we cared for others,
● when we loved our neighbor.

The choice is ours to make. We can follow the image which is merely an idol tempting us downwards: an idol of smoke and vapor, a hollow, empty idol. Or each one of us can, in fact, become an image for others. An image of faith, hope and charity for others. Each one of us is called to be a Christian. Each one of us is called to become an icon of Christ.

Eighteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 1, 2004
Eccl 1:2; 2: 21-23; Col 3:1-5, 9-11; Lk 12:13-21

Talents

Today’s question is a very personal one – one you certainly do not need to answer out loud; but one I would urge you to think about deeply. My question is: What is your passion in life? What really turns you on? No, not “who” but “what.” What do you really enjoy doing?

In most cases, it may be something you do well. But not necessarily. I know several people whose passion is playing golf, but they have yet to break 100, at least consistently. In some cases, you may do it so well you could make a profit at it. But not necessarily. Some people enjoy doing crafts or art work or creative writing; but they will never make a living at it. In some cases, there may be no financial reward at all. In fact it costs them a lot of time and effort. Yet these people are rejuvenated by helping others. They really feel great when they can lend a helping hand or when they can show others how to do things they could not do before.

People who have a passion usually want others to share their passion; to share what brings them pleasure; to share with others their own treasure – for what is a treasure? Is it not anything that brings us pleasure? Did we not just hear in today’s Gospel Reading the words of Jesus: “… for where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.”

Yet there is something strange about a treasure. It is not something that I, myself, can create. Rather, a treasure is something I find or something that is given to me. My greatest treasures come from the greatest gift-giver. My greatest treasures come from God. It is God who gifts me with my faith and my talents.

We heard about faith in the letter Saint Paul wrote to the Hebrews. In his letter, Paul reminded them about the faith of their ancestor, Abraham. Paul reminded them, and he reminds us who hear his words today, that the gift of faith brings us many treasures. Faith calls us forth so that we can journey from old lands, old ways, to new lands and new ways. Faith not only calls us forth, not only initiates our journey but also, faith strengthens us during the journey. Faith helps us to accomplish those things to which we are called.

Not only does faith strengthen us, faith also leads us to pass on to others what we, ourselves, have gained. Faith gives us the power to “generate” others, to help others to grow, to use the gifts that God has given them as well as us.

And finally, faith helps us to persevere, to continue until what we have hoped for has been accomplished.
● Faith allows that golfer to continue to play the course until a hole-in-one is made.
● Faith allows the artist to continue to create until a personal masterpiece is completed.
● Faith allows the helper to continue to assist others until the healing occurs and the one healed can go on to become the healer of the next.

Faith allows us to see our talents, our treasures, and to share them with others. Faith allows us to be stewards who know what the master expects of them, of us, and to pursue our tasks even when the master is not present to force us to do his biding.

Today we have a special opportunity to think about our own passions, our own treasures, our own talents; about the gifts that God has given each one of us and wants us to share with others. Today in our Large Hall, you will see ministry tables. Tables staffed by those who have particular passions they want to share with you. All they ask of each of us is to be open to our own gifts, our own talents and to see how our gifts and talents can be shared with others. For this is what ministry is all about: sharing, in faith, our gifts with one another.

Dr. Lou Harman from our community has been vitally interested in stewardship ministry. He would like to share with us his thoughts. And as we listen to him, perhaps we also need to reflect not only on his words but those we heard Jesus speak at the end of today’s gospel: “Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more.”

What gift, what treasure, what passion has been entrusted to you by our Lord and Master, who today invites you to share at the tables you will find in the Large Hall in our Parish Activity Center and to continue the sharing that begins here, at this banquet table he has prepared for us, his stewards.

Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 12, 2001 (Talent Fair Sunday)
Wis 18:6 – 9; Heb 11:1 – 2, 8 – 19; Lk 12:32 – 48

Treasure and Faith

Today’s question involves something that should be of interest to each one of us. It comes from today’s gospel reading. It may be a question you’ve already guessed I might ask. My question is this: When you think of a “treasure,” what do you think of; what do you see; what do you envision?

For many people, the word “treasure” is linked immediately to an image of a “treasure chest” — one in which we find jewels and gold. Treasure is something you find buried by someone else. It’s hidden until you find it, uncover it.

However, what would your response be if I had asked: What is your treasure? The chances are you would not have thought of buried gold and jewels, but rather of living things, of relationships, possibly your children or your spouse or your own parents. Most of us take seriously, the line spoken by Jesus at the beginning of today’s gospel: “For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.” Our treasure, rightfully, is the center of our lives. It is life, itself, just as the heart is the center of our life, and represents life, itself.

All of us want our treasure to be safe, to be protected. We desire the security of our treasure for its own sake, as well as for our own. Most of the time we want our treasure to increase, to grow in size and in importance in our lives. We become upset if the size of our physical treasure decreases, if our savings or retirement funds decline. We also become disturbed if our relationships with others are disrupted. In either case we worry about the future.

It is then that we might recall the words Jesus spoke at the very beginning of today’s gospel reading. Before talking about any “treasure,” Jesus addressed his disciples with instructions such as: “Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your belongings and give alms. [Give part of your wealth to others.] Provide moneybags for yourselves that do not wear out. [Do not be concerned about where to store the surplus wealth you want to carry with you in this world.] An inexhaustible treasure in heaven [awaits you. A treasure] that no thief can reach, nor moth destroy. [A treasure that cannot be taken from you by another person. A treasure that cannot be destroyed by natural disintegration.]

The real question which Jesus poses for us, might be: When you think of treasure, when you think of where your heart is to reside, do you realize that your treasure is the kingdom of God which the Father has already given you? Given to you as a gift, not as something buried in the earth. And along with this gift of the Kingdom, the Father has given us another gift, the gift of Faith.

In the opening line from the Letter to the Hebrews, we heard moments ago, Saint Paul gave us a definition of faith. He said: “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen.” Faith is the becoming “more real” of what is already real, but not yet seen.
● The Kingdom of God, the Reign of God, exists right now; but it is not seen in its totality.
● The Kingdom of God is our treasure, but we do not see it completely at this moment.
Again, in the words of St Paul: “Faith is the realization of what is hoped for, and evidence of things not seen.”

“What is hoped for …” Just what is hope? For many, hope is the expectation of future, positive outcomes. Its opposite is dread. Dread is the expectation of future, negative outcomes.
● Every time we look at today’s stock market, we wait with either hope or dread about its outcomes for tomorrow.
● Every time we go to a physician and await our diagnosis, we wait with either hope or dread.

In our human lives we do a lot of waiting, including our waiting for the Return of Christ – for the fulfilment of the Kingdom, the fulfilment of the promise he made to us. And in this period of “waiting,” we are reminded that we have been given the gift of Faith and we are to use this gift of Faith as we’re to use all of the other gifts God has given us.

And how are we to make use of our gift of Faith? Paul in his Letter to the Hebrews reminds us of the faith of Abraham – our guide to what it means to be faithful. In our second reading for today, Paul recounts the history of Abraham. Saint Paul says: By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; he went out, not knowing where he was to go.”

We too, are to obey, to listen intently to God’s call, to His desire for us to go forward and seek the inheritance He has given each one of us. We are called to be part of the journey to the Kingdom of God. Secondly, Paul writes: By faith [Abraham] sojourned in the promised land as in a foreign country …” We, too, are to travel in unfriendly and unknown terrain in our daily journey in and toward the Reign of God. Paul then states: “By faith [Abraham] received power to generate, even though he was past the normal age … for he thought that the one who had made the promise was trustworthy.”

Yes, although Abraham was very old, he had been promised that he and his elderly wife, Sarah, would have a son and that his “descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky or the sands on the seashore.” And Abraham maintained this faith because, as Paul writes, “… [Abraham] thought that the one who had made the promise was trustworthy.”

“Trustworthy.” Trust … the belief – the unmeasurable surety – by which we know
● that another person will do no harm to us,
● that the one we trust, has our best interests at heart at all times,
● that the one we trust, loves us completely and without any conditions.

In our first reading from the Book of Wisdom, we heard about the night of the Passover and how the Israelites had “sure knowledge of the oaths in which they put their faith [and had courage as they] awaited the salvation of the just and the destruction of their foes.” Like Abraham, they, too, had faith and believed that their God is trustworthy. They recalled how Abraham
● heard the call of God,
● responded to the call,
● continued on the path set by God and
● initiated whatever is needed to complete the call.
Perhaps in our faithful waiting for our salvation, we are to be like Abraham: to hear, to respond, to continue, to initiate.

Jesus promised his disciples – and he promises us: “the Father gives you the kingdom.” However, he also told his friends: do not wait passively. Be active while you await the return of the groom. Continue to work at the tasks assigned to you. Do your jobs faithfully. Don’t wait until the last minute to do what the Lord and Master wants of you. And if you do all of this, when the Lord and Master returns to you, he will serve you as you have served him.

Yes, our treasure, is to be fully revealed to us when Christ returns. At each Eucharist we pray for his Return, his Second Coming. We sometimes fail to realize that his Return to us is also the Treasure we seek – a Treasure in Heaven which has been promised to us – a Treasure that provides, ultimately, our peace and our security. The treasure we know as our Trinitarian God: Our Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

19th Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 8, 2010
Wis 18: 6-9; Heb (Short Form: 11:1-2, 8-12); Lk (Short Form: 12: 35 -40, but include 32-34 opening verses!)

Loving Confrontation

How many of you are addicted to shopping malls? I know one person who claims to be a first-rate “mallee.” You might not know about every mall in Harris County; but I expect almost all of you have been to Greenspoint. Do you remember the first several trips you made? Were you as disoriented as I was? For the first several times, things looked familiar, but I couldn’t tell which way was Foley’s and which way was Montgomery Ward. Why am I starting today’s reflection with Greenspoint? It’s because today’s gospel leaves me as disoriented and confused as when I first began exploring Greenspoint.

Each Sunday the gospel usually focuses on God’s love for us. But in today’s reading we have what seems to be the exact opposite: Jesus says: “I have come to light a fire on the earth. …. Do you think I’ve come to establish peace on the earth? … I have come for division.” and then he talks about how everyone in the household will be against one another. This hardly seems like the Jesus we usually hear about. That’s why I felt disoriented when I started to pray this passage in preparation for today’s reflection. However, I finally arrived at something that seems to make sense for me. That’s what I want to share with you today

In today’s reflection I want to address two issues: First, what does the gospel passage mean within its own historical context and Second: what might these words mean for us today? In looking at the past and present we should also look at three concepts: loving confrontation, courage, and endurance.

Looking at the history: what impact do you think this gospel message had on the first Christians, the ones for whom the Good News was written? We need to remember that these early Christians were all converts – converts who had been either Jews or pagan gentiles. In those early days in order to follow Christ it might have been very necessary to break away from your family. Just as in our Civil War, brother fought against brother, the early Christians had to forsake their fathers or their sons; their mothers or their daughters in order to follow Christ.

The gospel writers, especially Luke who wrote primarily for Greek Gentiles, recognized this division. Luke wanted to encourage his listeners by recalling sayings of Jesus which re-assured those early Christians that it was acceptable, even necessary, for there to be conflict within the family; and especially between generations, for those who would follow the teachings of Jesus.

The words reported by Luke should not be taken to justify family strife. Instead, we need to understand them as words of encouragement for those who needed such encouragement, for those breaking away from their loved ones in order to become Christians.

I think we also need to understand that Luke was probably also talking about more than just the interactions between father – son and mother – daughter. In those days, the family represented what might be called both “peer-pressure” and “authority-figure pressure.” Luke was not writing just about family conflicts but also, about potential conflicts between friends; between people at the same level; or between people of lower and higher status.

There is another encouragement I believe Luke was offering through the words of Jesus. I think he was saying that avoiding confrontation when confrontation is needed, is not Christ-like. Sometimes we get the impression that early Christians, and maybe modern Christians, were being taught how to be “wimps.” After all, they were told: you should turn the other cheek; love your enemy; do good to those who hate you. Some people would say that this is how a “wimp” might act: to let everyone walk over him.

But that’s far from being the case. The early Christians were risk-takers. The early martyrs prove that. The lives of the saints show that being a Christian is not being a “wimp.” It takes immense courage to turn the other cheek; to love those who persecute you; to do good for those who hate you. It’s that kind of courage that Luke is writing about when he says that households will be divided.

Early Christians would need to stand up to immense peer-pressure and pressure from higher authorities in order to be Christians. They would need the courage to endure the hate and misunderstanding of relatives and former friends. With this background in mind, what can we say about the relevance of this Gospel reading in our own lives today?

First of all, this reading seems to call us to recognize a need for what might be called “loving confrontation.” Many of us try to function using the slogan: “peace at any price.” We tend to avoid any and all confrontations: with our spouse, or our kids, or with our friends. Sometimes we put off hard decisions in order to preserve a fragile peace.

To counter the slogan of “peace at any price,” perhaps today·s gospel is calling us to engage in loving confrontation. Maybe there is a need to challenge someone in order to initiate a change. This is certainly true in major areas involving moral questions. Is it ever appropriate to remain silent on questions of abortion or of child abuse? What about pornography? Can one be a Christian and not take a stand on social issues such as apartheid, the sanctuary movement, poverty, or arms control?

But now comes the real question in all of this: how do I know the Christian position in any of these questions? How do I know wtlen it is necessary to engage in loving confrontation? What should I challenge in order to bring about change?

It’s one thing to say it’s acceptable for there to be confrontation. It is another thing to determine under what circumstances this confrontation should take. In order to engage in loving confrontation, I need to engage, first, in an effort of discernment. I need to distinguish what is God’s will from what is my will. I need to tell the difference between what God wants and what I expect.

And it’s not enough for me to take the position that whatever I say might be God’s will is really God’s will. I need to allow God’s will to shape me and not the other way ’round. That’s what discernment is all about: listening through prayer to learn what God’s will is. There are many approaches to discernment and how to understand the difference between God’s will and my own desires. For now, I want to mention only one aspect of discernment: the internal Peace of Christ.

In today’s gospel we heard Jesus say: “I did not come to establish peace on the earth.” Yet, we know that Jesus did give his disciples his peace. And at each mass we wish one another the peace of Christ. So, did Jesus give peace or not?

I believe we need to distinguish between the peace of this world and the peace of Christ. The peace of Christ is not worldly tranquility. It is not complacency. The peace of Christ is not external. It is internal. The peace of Christ is a gift from God. It is the internal feeling that comes when I have, indeed, discerned the will of God and made his will my will. That is the outcome of true discernment: the internal peace of Christ,

A few minutes ago, I spoke about the need for loving confrontation, for challenging in order to initiate change. Rather than focusing on the loving confrontation of others, how about loving self-confrontation? instead of talking about “peer-pressure” or “authority-pressure” maybe I should challenge myself in order to initiate a change. Perhaps my own moral attitudes need to be sharpened. Maybe I need the courage to act on my moral convictions; to have the courage to speak out about injustice; to do something meaningful about the hunger and poverty of others.

For some it might be the need to break off a damaging relationship or to conquer an addiction. In order to change ourselves or to help others change, each of us needs the courage to endure – to endure during the undertaking of our challenge and to endure the consequences of that challenge.

In our First Reading, the prophet Jeremiah exhibited both kinds of endurance: the hardship of speaking out and the hardship of being cast into the well, because of what he said. Yet both this First Reading and the Letter of Paul offer us hope in our endurance, because of the pleading of another person. Because of the one called Ebed-Melech, the Cushite, Jeremiah was released from the well, and Paul tells us that we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. We each have our own Ebed-Melech to help us; our own cloud of witnesses to help us “persevere in running the race which lies ahead.”

Yet, at times, perhaps I am called to be an Ebed-Melech for another Jeremiah. I, too, am part of the cloud of witnesses for another person, Is today your day to be part of the cheering crowd or to be the runner? Today, are you the prophet Jeremiah engaged in loving confrontation? Or are you Ebed-Melech who comes to the aid of one who is suffering for his beliefs? But whoever you are: may the Peace of Christ be with you.

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 17, 1986
Jer 38:4-6, 8-10; Heb 12:1-4; Lk 12:49-53

Wishy-Washy Charlie Brown

Many of you know that two of my favorite comic strip characters are Calvin and Hobbs. There’s also another little kid I like almost as much. You may even prefer him to Calvin. And that’s Charlie Brown. If I asked you to describe Calvin, I’d probably get a lot of different answers. But with Charlie Brown, there seems to be one adjective that almost everyone would agree on. What one word do you think best describes Charlie Brown? Wishy-washy! Just about everyone knows about “good ol’ wishy-washy Charlie Brown.”

Some of you may also be familiar with the Gospel according to “Peanuts“. Well, today, I’m not going to give you the gospel according to Peanuts; but I do want to focus on that idea of being “wishy-washy”. Our first reading for today certainly has someone who appears to be very “wishy-washy:” King Zedekiah.

King Zedekiah seems, to me, to be someone who follows the advice of whoever happens to have spoken to him last. At first he listened to the princes of Judah when they advised him to toss the prophet Jeremiah into a deep, muddy well. A short time latter, when another nobleman pleaded on Jeremiah’s behalf, King Zedekiah ordered that Jeremiah be taken from the well. It would appear that King Zedekiah was not able to make up his own mind and stick to it for very long.

On the other hand, there is Jeremiah, who – like all prophets – spoke out no matter what the consequences might be. After all, prophets are those who speak out on behalf of God and tell us what must be heard, despite the cost both to them and to us. They tell us things which must be heard; even when we don’t want to hear them.

This brings us to the Gospel Reading we heard today. Here we have a passage that often surprises us. Each weekend, we usually hear a gospel in which Jesus tries to teach his disciples, and us, about how we are to love our neighbor. Today’s reading seems to be a major exception to this message of healing the sick, of comforting those who are imprisoned, of feeding the hungry, of loving our neighbor as our self. Today we hear Jesus tell his disciples: “I have come to light a fire on the earth. … Do you think I have come to establish peace on the earth? I assure you; the contrary is true; I have come for division.” Then he goes on to tell about strife between the generations: between father and son; mother and daughter; and between members of the extended family such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

When the early Christians heard this reading, they knew at first hand what it meant. They were often directly effected by these conflicts of division for the sake of Jesus the Christ. In those years of the separation of the Christian community from the main body of Judaism, there were many families in which the children and parents would go separate ways; with one joining the followers of the Nazarene and others holding steadfast in the covenant Moses made with the Lord God in the desert of Sinai.

Jesus was telling his disciples that it would not be easy to follow him; to follow his teaching. There would be division between members of the family; between friends and loved ones. At the same time, he did not favor such division. He, himself, cried out: “What anguish I feel till it is over!” But he tried to tell his disciples not to be taken by surprise when it does occur.

What about us? What do these words mean to us, today? Although there are families in which division may occur when there is a conversion to Christianity or to a particular denomination of Christian belief, are they the only ones to be touched by this harsh prophecy made by Jesus to his disciples? As you might expect, I believe his words apply to all of us and not only to any converts who are estranged from their families.

I believe his words apply to all who must make hard choices in order to follow his teaching. They apply especially to those who speak out for justice and for change. They apply to all of us who are called to be prophets in the modern world. What we fail to realize is that everyone of us is called to be a prophet. Not just someone like Father Ed or Father Norbert. Not just someone ordained to the diaconate who happens to give homilies. Rather, each one of us, through the power of our baptism, is called to be a prophet.

It’s hard to be a prophet. It’s difficult to speak out about those relationships and events which effect our future. For this, too, is what a prophet does: speak out on what is needed in order to influence the future. So often the future is tied so tightly to the present and to the past. No wonder it’s so difficult to speak out. Yet there are times when we must speak out and bear the anger of former friends. As with Jeremiah, there will be some who will want to toss us into a deep, muddy well; to separate us from themselves and from others.

Some might believe I should now talk about such modern-day prophets as Mickey Leland or Lech Walesa who have spoken so eloquently about freedom from hunger or from oppression. Or perhaps, about a woman like Mother Theresa. Each of these people is, indeed, a prophet in one way or another, for many who suffer injustices or abuse. But, instead, I want to reflect upon how each one of us may be called to be a prophet. How each one of us must speak out for those who are abused. I would offer for your own reflection, the entire area of abuse – of abuse which effects our future. Of abuse that is grounded on the past as well as the present.

First of all, there is the abuse of people. Call it child abuse or wife abuse. Even husband abuse or abuse of elderly parents. There are times when the victims of such abuse must speak out. But when these victims do this, they are shunned by society. They, too, are placed in dark wells so that they can be silenced. They, too, need others to aid in their release from their various forms of imprisonment. Just as Jeremiah had the active assistance of Ebed-Melech, these victims of all ages must have the help of friends who come to their aid.

Besides the abuse of individuals, we also have the abuse of our planet, the abuse of our environment; an abuse which effects our future and is based upon the actions of the present and our past. Here, too, we have prophets who speak out for change. They, too, are scorned by others. How many times are they dismissed as being merely “environmental kooks?” Those who speak out for the protection of our air, our water, our earth, which are gifts of the father, are told that “profit”, spelled with an “f”, is more important than being “prophetic”.

Yet, how do we know what is truly “prophetic”? If we are all called to be prophets, then what you say should be just as important as what I say. How, among all of the conflicting claims, do we hear the words of the true prophets and dismiss those of the false? How do we strike a balance without either being led away by an extremist or being accused of being “wishy-washy”?

Even in what seems to be a well-defined area such as child abuse, where does discipline and training end and physical abuse begin? Where does a hug, love and affection end and sexual abuse begin? In the protection or abuse of our environment, what is the distinction between preservation and conservation. What is meant by the scriptural injunction from the book of genesis: “Be fertile and multiply: fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth.” This passage alone deserves its own homily. One which dwells on the true meaning of “dominion” and its relationship to the Latin words, domus, or home, and domine, our Lord, our family protector.

But for now, as a signpost towards an answer of how do we distinguish between a true prophet and a false one, I would call your attention to the Second Reading we heard today. In his letter to the Hebrews, Paul writes: “Since we for our part are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses; let us lay aside every encumbrance of sin which clings to us and persevere in running the race which lies ahead; let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, who inspires and perfects our faith.”

We are not confronted by only one prophet; instead we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, a cloud of prophets. It is taught that a prophet who speaks for God does not really depart from ancient truths but, rather, recalls our attention to those truths which we have forgotten. A prophet reminds us of what God has taught, of the truth written on our living hearts and not stony hearts. When you hear the words of a true prophet calling you to a change, your heart will know that you have heard these words before and that they are true. Listen to the cloud of witnesses who have been part of your own life, who have spoken on your behalf before, and who speak to you now.

Finally, in order to follow the true prophets in our world today, we must “persevere in running the race which lies ahead”. We must keep trying to hear the words of those around us and to speak words of encouragement to others. But most importantly, “let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, who inspires and perfects our faith.”

I sometimes think that Saint Paul would be right at home in our American culture, which puts so much emphasis on jogging and running for health. He seems to know that a runner cannot look back, but must always focus on the goal ahead. The perfect race might also be run if there is a coach constantly at the runner’s side, running along right there, to shout instructions every moment of the race, to give encouragement each step of the way. To tell the runner what is right and what is wrong with each stride, with each breath.

Yet this is the kind of race each of us is running. With our coach running at our side each one of us is able to tell the false step from the true one; each one of us can tell the difference between the true prophet and the false one. Moreover, each one of us can become a prophet for others.

Finally, there is no need for us to be a wishy-washy Charlie Brown. There is no need for us to have the “gospel according to Peanuts.” Instead, we have the Gospel of our Lord. And what we have, we must also share: the Gospel, the Good News of our Lord, Jesus the Christ.

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 20, 1989
Jer 38:4-6, 8-10; Heb 12:1-4; Lk 12:49-53

Rice and Walnuts

If you don’t want to, you don’t need to respond directly to today’s question, since it may be rather personal. Today’s question is about deadlines. What I’d like to know is: How many of you wait until the very last minute to do something? To complete a project for work or around the house or for school?

Here we are, at the beginning of the school year, and in some of your classes, you’ve already been told when the final report is due or what books you need to read or what you must study before that first exam. Yet there are many of you who will probably blow off the whole thing until the last minute. And many of your parents may do the same. They know when the boss wants them to complete a project but some how they’re too busy doing other things and so don’t get started until the last minute. Some folks say they work best under pressure and they purposely delay getting started. Like athletes, they don’t want to “peak” too early!

With others, they may get their projects done before the deadline but they’re still late for other things. It’s impossible for them to get to a party on time. They arrive late at the movies and can’t find a place to park or a vacant seat when they get into the theater. Occasionally, there are even a few people who arrive late at mass, for all sorts of good reasons. In some cases, people simply lose track of the time.

Time. Time is what we are to consider this weekend as we begin our annual series on stewardship. Time, talent and treasure: the three “t’s” are the subjects for today and the following Sundays.

Today’s gospel reading is about time, about deadlines, if you will. About arriving late at a party, the major party to which all of us have been invited, the wedding feast of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Even in our First Reading from Isaiah we heard about the gathering of all peoples during the time of the Messiah. We heard God proclaim: “I come to gather nations of every language, they shall come and see my glory.”

In today’s Gospel Reading, a descendent of those to whom Isaiah prophesied, asked a follow-up question: “Lord, are they few in number who are to be saved?” Jesus did not directly respond. He did not give a count of those who would join the banquet in heaven. Instead, he told a story. He spoke about a party which had begun and how the master of the house had locked the doors. Those who had been invited to the party but arrived too late, stood outside and pleaded to be admitted. But the master of the house refused; even when the people claimed that they knew him; that they had eaten and drunk with him; that they had heard what he had to say to them in their streets. But the master of the house did not relent. He replied that he did not know them.

The question now becomes: why did the master of the house not know them? Perhaps, just perhaps, it was because they, themselves, did not really know him. Yes, they had been in his presence. They ate and drank at the same parties. They even heard him speak. But had they listened? Had they acted on what they heard. Did they feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit those who needed their assistance to survive? Or did they merely attend the parties and then went home to do their own things? Had they merely spent time with Jesus rather than being actively engaged with what Jesus taught them? Had they been merely “acquaintances” of Jesus rather than being his followers, his disciples?

In our Second Reading from his Letter to the Hebrews, we heard Saint Paul speak about “discipline.” For most of us, discipline has a very hard connotation. We want to avoid discipline – discipline that we view as punishment for what we have done wrong. Paul, himself, says: “At the time it is administered, all discipline seems a cause for grief and not for joy, but later it brings forth the fruit of peace and justice to those who are trained in its school.”

Trained in its school….” yes, we seem to forget that “discipline” and “disciple” are related words. A true disciple follows the master in order to learn directly what the master does and then does likewise. A true disciple, a true follower, undertakes the “discipline” of the master, not as a punishment, but rather in order to follow the master more exactly. Discipline leads to a habitual action, to our routinely doing something that we know is the correct way to do it. It takes discipline to learn a new skill, whether it is riding a bike, playing a musical instrument, or becoming an outstanding athlete.

To become disciplined, requires that we take the time to do it. To become disciplined as a Christian, requires that we take the time to follow Christ and not to be merely an acquaintance of Jesus. We need to have
● the discipline, the habit, of prayer time,
● the discipline, the habit, of helping others: Members of our family; Members of our neighborhoods; Members of our community.

But where, we ask, do we find the time to form these disciplines, these habits? Where do we find time to pray and to do those works of charity demanded by Christ in order to be a true follower? After all, we have all the other essential events of our lives to take care of.
● We have jobs.
● We need to go to school and to study.
● We need to work around the house.
● We need to shop, to eat, to sleep.
● We need to watch TV every night to relax.
● We need to read newspaper and magazines to keep up to date.
● We need to surf the Internet, to play the newest Nintendo games.
● We need to visit with our friends on the telephone or in person.
Yes, we need time to do all of these essentials of life, of living. And then the time that’s left over we can give to God.

The time left over. Each year when Father Bill talks about stewardship, he lines up a row of apples. In case he wants to do it again this year, I won’t steal his thunder. But I, too, have a visual aid for you this year. I have rice and walnuts.

(Pick up cup of rice contained in separate jar.) This cup of rice represents all of the things we think we must do in life, all of the so-called essentials of life. All the activities necessary for success. All that is required to be accomplished. All of the things we not only must do but all the things we also enjoy doing, like watching TV or going skiing in Colorado.

(Put down rice to the left; put empty jar out to the right of the rice; and pick up bowl of walnuts.) And these 10 walnuts. Well, they are all the many things, all the events and activities that bring us closer to God. They represent: (Drop walnuts into empty jar one at a time with each item.)
● The time for private prayer;
● the time for public prayer and liturgies;
● the time for reading and studying scripture;
● the time for participating in bible study groups;
● the time for teaching or assisting in catechetical classes;
● the time for working with or helping: Our young people, our elderly, our immigrants, our homeless, our unemployed;
● the time for working for social justice;
● the time for the works of charity; of love for our neighbor;
● the time for improving our relationships: with our spouse, our parents, our children,
● the time for “being” … rather than merely “doing”

(Put empty bowl back on ambo shelf. Show rice left and walnuts with right hand) The rice represents our secular life: the time spent on the many things needed for this world. The walnuts represent our spiritual life: the time needed to be part of the Kingdom of God. The question is: how do we mix the two within the limited hours of our time on earth?

Well, if we focus on the rice and try to add the walnuts to the rice, we can see that it won’t work. We don’t have the space for all of the walnuts. But if we begin with the walnuts, if we establish the priorities of our spiritual life. If we concentrate on the time for God, then we can add the rice of the world and fill our life to the brim.

(Pour rice with left hand; shake walnut jar with right hand. Put them down. Pick up lid and cloth and begin to cover the jar with walnuts and rice.) If we begin by establishing our priorities for God, we can mix our spiritual and secular times. And as a reminder of this, you can mix up your own cup of rice and 10 walnuts at home, add a pretty top and put it someplace where you are reminded daily of our need to make our time with God first, rather than as a left-over in our life.

I began by asking you about deadlines. Well, in our lives there is that ultimate deadline; that final time when everything is due. I urge you not to be late. Don’t be caught outside the pearly gates looking in on the banquet of heaven. Begin now, today, to establish your spiritual priorities. Focus on what you want to do for God, for others, and for yourself, to prepare you for your final deadline. Discipline yourself so that you can be a true disciple, a true follower, of Jesus the Christ, who offers more than a deadline for heaven. He gives each of us a lifeline to God.

(Separate rice into pouring jar and walnuts into dish before next mass! Fancy jar left empty with lid and cloth separate. Place on ambo shelf.)

Twenty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 23, 1998
Is 66:18-21; Heb 12:5-7, 11-13; Lk 13:22-30

Lines

Here’s a simple, personal question for you today. Are you always in the wrong checkout line at your local Kroger store or supermarket? I am. Yes, I think I’ve beaten the odds by getting in the line with only two customers in front of me. But it turns out, the first one has a huge envelope of coupons to be redeemed. And when it comes time to pay, they can’t find their checkbook and so they try to find a usable credit card.

And the second customer, right in front of me, decides they have the wrong brand of frozen corn and need to have the bagger exchange it for them. Of course the bagger also has to go back a second time, to find out the price of a package of hamburg, since the one being purchased doesn’t have a sticker on it. Fortunately they’re paying in cash; but the young cashier is confused by the amount of change to be given back to the customer.

Meanwhile the lines at three other checkouts have moved on, leaving me to debate whether it’s worthwhile to get into another line or tough it out in the current one. All of this gives new meaning to the final statement in today’s gospel: “For behold, some are last who will be first, and some are first who will be last.” But Jesus did not have checkout lines in mind when he said this. No. He was responding to a more important question: “Lord, will only a few people be saved?”

The questioner probably had something else in mind but was afraid to ask. The real question is: “Lord, am I going to be saved?” But that is a fearful question. The one about numbers is a much safer one to ask. No doubt, the questioner expected an answer such as: “Everyone who follows me will be saved.”

But instead of answering straight-away, Jesus, as usual, presented several strange statements. He said: “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I tell you, will attempt to enter but will not be strong enough.” And he goes on to say that when another knocks on the master’s door, demanding: “Lord, open the door for us,” the master replies: “I do not know where you are from.”

I do not know where you are from.” Jesus says it twice. Even when the one knocking at the door reminds Jesus: “We ate and drank in your company and you taught in our streets.” The Master replies: “I do not know where you are from.” Is he saying that it is not enough for his followers only to partake of the good things offered to them: the eating and drinking with his companions, the listening to him as he wanders through their villages? Are these so called “good time” events not enough to be saved? Is there more to being in the kingdom of heaven, the reign of God, than merely being present?

Saint Paul seems to think so. In his letter to the Hebrews we heard a few minutes ago, Saint Paul speaks of “discipline.” He speaks of enduring one’s trials as “discipline.” At the time, discipline, may not be a “cause for joy,” he says; but rather a cause of “pain.” He goes on to say: “Yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.”

Trained by it.” What could he mean by that? For one thing, Paul, it seems, was deeply into athletics. He often spoke of racing, of running and winning a crown of laurel leaves. And he knew that such efforts demand training, demand following a regimen, a routine. It requires daily practice. And that is what “discipline” is all about. Discipline and discipleship are one and the same. Discipleship is following the Master, doing what the Master does. It is learning by observation and by daily practice. Discipline, truly understood, is not punishment. Rather, it is following the actions of a dedicated coach, an accomplished master.

Jesus was such a coach, a dedicated master. Jesus invited his own disciples to “come and see,” “come follow me.” He urged them to observe his actions and to do what he did. He wanted them to listen and to teach others what he had taught them.

Great athletes follow a strict discipline. Great musicians and great artists follow strict disciplines. It would seem that those who aspire to be “great Christians” also need to follow a strict discipline. A discipline, a discipleship, a following of our Master, Jesus the Christ.

This weekend we are once again, presented with an opportunity to join in the discipline, the discipleship of Christ. Following this Eucharist Celebration, each of us is urged to go to the Large Hall and learn more about the many ministries available at Christ the Good Shepherd. We are urged to give of our time, talent and treasure. We are encouraged to continue to be good stewards of the gifts God has given to each one of us.

In our first reading from the book of the Prophet Isaiah we heard the words: “Thus says the Lord: I know their works and their thoughts, and I come to gather nations of every language; they shall come and see my glory.” And we heard how the Lord God sent them out to foreign lands, where “they shall proclaim my glory among the nations.” As a result, “brothers and sisters from all the nations” will journey to Jerusalem.

No doubt Jesus was recalling to the mind of his own followers this image from Isaiah when he said in today’s gospel reading: “And people will come from the east and the west and from the north and the south and will recline at table in the kingdom of God.”

Yes, it is true that none of us know how many will be saved. We do not know who will be included or excluded at the table of the final banquet. Relying on God’s mercy we hope that there will be multitudes and that each of us will be among them. In the meantime, we are encouraged to go beyond being merely a passive “hanger on” who merely enjoys eating and drinking and listening to Jesus the Christ. We are to know where we are from. We are to know what we must do in order to be a true disciple of Christ.

In a few minutes we will again eat of his flesh and drink of his blood. In doing so, we become active members of his body. Once more we are sent forth to proclaim his good news so that others may join with us in our journey. Once more we are urged to stand in line, not at a checkout in a grocery store, but rather to stand with our fellow Christians around those tables in the Large Hall where we can decide how we can join in the discipline, the discipleship, he demands of us. Someday, may he say to each one of us: “Indeed, I DO know where you are from. Join with me at the heavenly banquet of my Father.”

21st Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 26, 2007
Is 66:18-21; Heb 12:5-7, 11-13; Lk 13:22-30

Expectations

Today’s question comes in two parts. The first one doesn’t require much reflection. My question is: Have you ever bought a Texas state lottery ticket? Now the second one, which is really for those of us who have bought at least one ticket, may require a little more thought. If you have bought a ticket, what was your expectation when you bought it? Did you buy it, hoping you would win, or did you give up your dollar, believing you were really only making a contribution to the welfare of the state treasury? In other words, did you expect something in return, or did you contribute your money without an expectation of striking it big?

Most of us, I believe, buy a ticket and expect to get something back in return; and the bigger the return, the more likely we are to contribute. Looking at it another way – have you ever bought a subscription from Ed McMahon just because you had a need for the magazine, or did you hope that, just maybe, you might win ten million dollars if you paid out more than the cost of a twenty-nine cent stamp?

So what does a lottery or a sweepstakes have do to with today’s gospel reading? Am I doing even more of a stretch than usual to ask a question? I hope not! But I do admit that the focus for today’s reflection is not on lotteries or sweepstakes. Rather the focus I would offer for your reflection today is on the theme of “expectation.” What do we expect in return for what we do? In other words: why do we do, what we do?

Two thousand years ago, when a group of wealthy pharisees, leaders of the Jewish community, were invited to a Sabbath meal, they had their own set of expectations. They also did not expect certain events to occur. One of those unexpected events is recorded in Luke’s gospel, even though it was not included as part of today’s reading. Today’s reading is taken from the beginning of Chapter 14 of Luke. But the first verse is followed by verses 7 through 14. So what happened in between? What is “the rest of the story?”

When Jesus came on a Sabbath to eat a meal in the house of one of the leading pharisees, they observed him closely. Directly in front of him was a man with dropsy. Jesus asked the lawyers and the pharisees, ‘is it lawful to cure on the Sabbath or not?’ At this they kept silent. He took the man, healed him, and sent him on his way. Then he addressed himself to them: (saying) ‘if one of you has a son or an ox and he falls into a pit, will he not immediately rescue him on the Sabbath day?” This they could not answer him.”

The gospel then says: “he went on to address a parable to the guests … “, which is the one we heard today about seeking first-place at a banquet as well as the second parable about whom to invite to a banquet.

You might very well ask several questions about this reading. First of all, where did this man with “dropsy” come from? Well, the gospel doesn’t say but the chances are that he was one of the servants. The one who was wheezing with a shortness of breath and seemed about to fall over from what, today, might be diagnosed as congestive heart failure. But no matter where he came from or what disease he might have had, the important event is that Jesus cured him on the Sabbath, that Jesus performed work on the Sabbath, an action which was outlawed by a strict interpretation of Torah. Yet Jesus asked the lawyers present whether they, themselves, would perform an act of mercy on the Sabbath? Would they rescue a son or even a valuable animal on the Sabbath? In other words, should you always avoid doing what the law forbids or should you act compassionately and save the life of a son or even a valuable animal?

What motivates you? Why do you do what you do? These are the basic questions raised in today’s gospel. When the learned lawyers and pharisees refused to give their views on such questions, Jesus, as he often did, told them a story.

That story also asked a question: where do you sit when you attend a major banquet, an affair such as a wedding party, which is not merely a simple dinner but a gathering of important people? Just like the seating at the head table of a business dinner in 1992, it was important to the pharisees, who tired at times to imitate Roman and Greek manners, just where they sat. After all, they had several choices.

The typical dinner arrangement was for there to be three couches arranged around three sides of a table: sort of like on TV where they always leave room for the camera and audience to see what’s going on. Only in the case of the Romans, Greeks and Jews, the fourth side was open to allow the servants to put the food on the table. It’s probably there, on the fourth side, where Jesus saw the waiter with dropsy.

Each of the three couches allowed for three or four people to recline on them, resting on their left arm so they could reach the low table in front of them with their right hand. Because of such an arrangement, one position on each couch was the preferred place because it gave you the best view of the other diners and allowed easy access to the food. Not only was there a best position on each couch, at the same time, one of the three couches was the best one for a good view of all of the others. It was for these favored places the men headed when they arrived at a banquet. When Jesus saw the pharisees acting like Romans, he told his story: with its conclusion that you should choose not the best place but one of the lesser ones, perhaps even the lowest, the worst position on the worst couch.

On hearing the story, you might at first think that Jesus is saying that you should act humble because if you do that, then in the end you will be exalted. But as usual, the story doesn’t end there. Jesus immediately tells a second story about banquets: a story in which he urges the pharisees to invite not those who would, in return, and in repayment, invite them to other fancy dinners, but rather to invite those, who by their position in life, could in no way, repay them.

You see, if Jesus told only the first story, the pharisees could be led to believe in false humility, of merely acting humble in expectation of being rewarded, because they appeared to be humble. But I don’t think that this is what Jesus was trying to teach them; but rather it is essential to do what you do out of love and not out of any expectation that you will be rewarded for what you do. Is he, perhaps, saying that I should choose the “lower place,” not because I expect to be bumped to a first-class seat, but rather because I choose that seat for itself?

In other words, should I not do the right thing because it is the right action to undertake rather than expecting that I will be rewarded because I have done it. Is not true humility a recognition not only of my weaknesses but also my giftedness? To say I should be on the bottom of the list, yet desiring to be on the top, can be merely false humility. But to be where I am, seeing both the good and the bad in me, is seeing my true self; and that is, “being human.” The opposite of being human, is to attempt to be divine, to be god-like. To be human, to be humble, is to recognize that I am not God, that I am not king of the hill. But that is only half the story, half of the parable.

After I know where I truly am, then is the time for me to act. To act, not in terms of expecting a reward for my action, but rather to act out of my love for others.

Why do you give flowers to your wife? Do you do it to please her, because you love her or do you do it to please yourself, to make you feel less guilty or, perhaps, in expectation that now, she will do something in return that you would like.

Why do kids clean up their rooms? Because they know they should live in clean rooms or is it because they expect something from mom and dad in return? Why do we contribute time and money to the poor, the homeless, the unwanted? Because we want to help them for themselves, in all of their poverty and being unwashed, or in expectation that this will reduce crime in the streets or earn us points in heaven?

Why do we pray? Do we hope for a reward, for some new possession or position? Do I pray with an expectation that God will respond with warm fuzzies, in answer to my prayer. Do I pray so that God is nearer to me or do I pray so that I am nearer to God?

Do we leave the fallen son or the trapped animal in the pit because we believe that we should not help them under the given constraints, or do we lift them out because of our compassion for them and not for what it may or may not do for us?

Do I buy a lottery ticket because I want to win or because this is a way to contribute to the financial needs of the state?

There is a tiny woman, a woman small in physical stature, but enormous in what she understands in the ways of the Lord; a woman who lives out the stories, the messages, the commandments we heard today; a woman who has written these words: “Whatever form we are … able or disabled … rich or poor … it is not how much we do … but how much love we put in the doing.” In our journey towards the banquet of the lord, may each one of us strive for the humanness and humility of Mother Teresa.

Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 30,1992
Sir 3:17-18, 10, 28029; Heb 12:18-19, 21-24a: Lk 14:1, 7-14

Power Table

Today I have a series of questions for you. First of all: how many of you know what a “power saw” is? Yes, raise your hand. Yes, a power saw is a saw that is powered by gasoline or by electricity. How about a “power breakfast?” Do you know what that is? Again, you can raise your hand, if you know the answer. No, it’s not a complete breakfast with all of the nutritious foods that give you power. And it’s not run by gasoline or electricity. It’s an early morning business meeting where important events are discussed. And here’s your final question: what is a “power table?” How many of you think you know the answer?

I admit I did not know what a “power table” was until a couple weeks ago. If I had to guess, I would have said that it’s a math table that shows the values for the squares and cubes of numbers, since you talk about numbers being raised to higher “powers” – like 2-squared is 2 to the second power or 2-cubed is 2 to the third power. But as I learned, power tables have nothing to do with mathematics.

I came across the term in an article about a contest in which you could win a dinner with Larry King of CNN. Larry King said he would take the winner to one of the major restaurants in Washington, D.C. and they would sit at a “power table.” A power table, according to that article, is the table in a restaurant where everyone can see you. It’s located so that all the important people have to go by your table and you can be seen speaking with them. A “power table,” evidently, is the place to sit, if you want others to see just how powerful you are.

Well, “power tables” aren’t new. They go all the way back to Biblical times. In our Gospel Reading for today, the pharisees knew all about “power tables.” Jesus knew about them too; and wasn’t very impressed by them. He urged that people choose lesser positions so that they can be asked to join the power table, rather than be asked to sit by the door to the kitchen.

So if you go to a fancy restaurant for dinner and are a “good Christian,” are you suppose to choose the table next to the kitchen or the one hidden by palm trees? Does the Gospel Reading urge us to appear to be humble, so we can be rewarded because of our humbleness? At first glance, some might interpret today’s gospel that way. But Jesus did not end his parable there.

If he had stopped telling his story to the pharisees at that point, we might be encouraged to participate in what might be called the “Cinderella syndrome.1” We might spend our lives sitting around in the ashes, toiling away, just waiting for a Prince Charming to drop by with a glass slipper that would turn us into our true selves, a royal person who would live happily-ever-after.

But Jesus does not encourage a sense of false humility, of trying to be noticed by not being noticed. Rather he focuses on a sense of true humility. And what is true humility? It is the ability to know one’s own true self-worth and the self-worth of other human beings and, in the process, to recognize that each one of us has equal worth as a child of God. It is recognizing my own talents and gifts and the talents and gifts God has given to every other person I meet.

The beggars who are well-clothed; but need the comfort and warmth of my love. The lame who run from every fear; but need the encouragement of my faith. The blind who see only despair and anger; but need the light of my hope. Jesus urges us to invite these beggars, these lame, these blind to share our love, our faith and our hope.

And why are we to do this? Is it to gain a reward either here on earth or in the hereafter of heaven? Or do we do what we do, because it is the right thing to do, because in our true humility, we acknowledge that we are all the same – brothers and sisters of one father – and we are called to share what we have with our brothers and sisters.

Why do you give a present to your spouse? Do you do it out of love or because you expect something nice in return? Why do kids clean up their room without being asked? Do you do it out of love for your parents or because you expect an increase in your allowance? Why do you contribute time and money to the poor and homeless? Do you do it out of love for those in need or because you hope it will reduce crime in the streets?

Today’s Gospel Reading does not urge us to don an attitude of humility in order to gain some pay-back, some power over others. Rather, this gospel, this Good News, encourages us to recognize our equality and our mutual needs. Jesus wants us to help others without asking: what’s in it for ourselves. By not asking: what’s the pay-back? How much do I gain from what I give?

This weekend we celebrate a national holiday in honor of labor, in honor of honest work. This day comes from an earlier time when labor unions were important in the life of workers. A time when it was seen that people had to work together in order to obtain what we considered to be the good things of life. It was also a time of cooperation, of knowing that, together, we could solve the problems of the world and have a better life for us and our children. It is a time that many believe is now gone forever.

Yet, is it possible that we can return to such a time? What if we put into practice what Jesus has taught? What might occur if we help others without expecting a return on our investment? Are we not asked to give as freely to others as God has given his gifts to each one of us?

A few minutes ago, I asked you about a “power table.” For Christians, for Catholic Christians, there is only one “power table” and that is the table around which we now gather. For it is this Eucharistic table that empowers each one of us to love our neighbor as our self, to give without a demand for a return. The power we seek is, indeed, the power of God’s love.

Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 3, 1995 (Labor Day)
Sir 3:17-18, 10, 28029; Heb 12:18-19, 21-24a: Lk 14:1, 7-14

  1. Nine years later, this “Cinderella Syndrome” became the topic for its own homily. Although the central focus of both homilies is the same: “false humility” and true humility of service, the beginnings and endings are sufficiently different to “warrant” keeping both versions as separate homilies. The one for 1995 was given for a Labor Day weekend, the modification of 2004 for Ministry Fair weekend of the Stewardship series of homilies

Cinderella Syndrome

Today’s question is related to a fairy tale – a fairy tale that may be the best known of all the ones we learned as children. You don’t need to answer this question out loud but only to yourself. My question is this: Do you suffer from the “Cinderella Syndrome?”

You do remember the story of Cinderella, don’t you? About the young girl, her wicked step-sisters, her fairy god-mother, her glass slipper, and her Prince Charming who rescued her from her life among the ashes. On the other hand, you may not be as familiar with the condition called: the “Cinderella Syndrome.” This condition, this syndrome, arises if you take to heart only the first part of today’s gospel reading.

In today’s gospel, Jesus told two parables – two stories he wanted his listeners to reflect upon. His listeners were scribes and pharisees gathered together for a large banquet. Jesus had observed how each one, upon arriving at the party, tried to get the major place of honor at the table. And so, he told them the story about a man who had shoved himself into the best place at the table. The host, however, ordered him to move to the lowest place so that a better man, who had also been invited, could sit there. In the process, the pushy guy would look like a fool. The one who was really entitled to it, would now have his rightful place at the table. And everyone would know he really deserved it. Jesus concluded his story with a variation of an old proverb when he said: “ … everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”

And this is what leads to the “Cinderella Syndrome” – the condition where a person sits among the ashes and does all of the lowly tasks in the expectation that someone, like a Prince Charming, will come with a reward. It’s the condition in which one exhibits “false humility” – calling attention to one’s own lack of worth with the expectation that others will say that this is not true; that you really deserve better than what you are getting.

But Jesus did not promote the idea of a “false humility,” of seeking the lowest position at the table in order to be rewarded and, in the long run, to humiliate someone else. Instead he told a second parable. In his second story, Jesus encourages a host to invite to a party not those who can offer repayment with a return invitation, but rather to invite those who cannot repay: the poor, the crippled, the lame and the blind.

If Jesus had stopped telling his story to the pharisees after the first parable, we might be encouraged to fall victim to that “Cinderella Syndrome.” We might believe we should spend our lives sitting around in the ashes, toiling away, just waiting for a Prince Charming to drop by with a glass slipper which would turn us into our true selves: royalty who would live happily-ever-after. But Jesus does not encourage a sense of false humility, of trying to be noticed by not being noticed. Rather he focuses on a sense of true humility.

And what is true humility? It is the ability to know one’s own true self-worth and the self-worth of other human beings and, in the process, to recognize that each one of us has equal worth as a child of God. It is recognizing my own talents and gifts; and the talents and gifts God has given to every other person I meet.
● the beggars who are well-clothed; but need the comfort and warmth of my love.
● the lame who run from every fear; and need the encouragement of my faith.
● the blind who see only despair and anger; yet need the light of my hope.
Jesus urges us to invite these beggars, the lame, the blind to share our love, our faith and our hope.

And why are we to do this? Is it to gain a reward either here on earth or in the hereafter of heaven? Or do we do what we do, because it is the right thing to do, because in our true humility, we acknowledge we are all the same – brothers and sisters of one father – and we are called to share what we have with our brothers and sisters.
● Why do you give a present to your spouse? Do you do it out of love or because you expect something nice in return?
● Why do kids clean up their room without being asked? Do you do it out of love for your parents or because you expect an increase in your allowance?
● Why do you contribute time and money to the poor and homeless? Do you do it out of love for those in need or because you hope it will reduce crime in the streets?

Today’s Gospel Reading does not urge us to put on an attitude of humility in order to gain some pay-back, some power over others. Rather, this gospel, this Good News, encourages us to recognize our equality and our mutual needs. Jesus wants us to help others without asking: what’s in it for ourselves. By not asking: what’s the pay-back? How much do I gain from what I give?

This weekend, and in the days afterwards, we are invited to give of our selves for the sake of others; not because of any expected, personal pay-back, but rather because we are a community of believers. We believe we’re a family – one family with many voices. A family of unity and diversity. Each one of us has God-given talents, gifts given to us by God our Father. We are encouraged to share these talents, these gifts, with others. We are asked not to limit ourselves only to our immediate friends and neighborhood. Rather we are to share these gifts and talents with all those we would invite to be part of the banquet of the Lord.

This weekend we have our Ministry Fair, an opportunity to investigate and to participate in the stewardship of Christ the Good Shepherd. After this Eucharistic celebration at the table of our Lord, you are invited to visit other tables in the Large Hall to see how you might join with others in ministry to all who are, directly and indirectly, part of Christ the Good Shepherd. The informational trifold included with last Sunday’s bulletin, and available at today’s Ministry Fair, identifies some 103 English-language and 30 Spanish-language groups for your consideration.

Last Sunday, Father John encouraged us in our communication with God, with our time devoted to God. Today, all of us are encouraged in our communication with one another with using our talents for the benefit of others. Today, you are encouraged not to sit among the ashes and cinders waiting for your reward because of what you have done; hoping that someone has noticed and will reward you; but rather each one of us is encouraged to seek out how we can invite others to the banquet our Lord has in store for all of us. Come and be part of our Ministry fair and the stewardship of Christ – the Good Shepherd.

Twenty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time; August 29, 2004
Sir 3:17-18, 10, 28-29; Heb 12:18-19, 21-24a: Lk 14:1, 7-14

Gone with the Wind

Once again, I have a movie trivia question for you. This time it’s about “Gone with the Wind.” My question is: what are perhaps the three most quoted lines from the movie version of “Gone with the Wind?”

I don’t know if a formal survey has ever been taken, but I’d guess they would include:
● Rhett Butler’s “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn,
● Or how about: “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ no babies,”
● As for the third one, I’d offer Scarlett’s usual response to problems: “Fiddle-de-dee, I’ll think about that tomorrow.” It’s this last one I want to take as the quote for today’s gospel message. In a time of crisis, there may be a little of Scarlett O’Hara in each of us; the tendency to say, “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

But the message Jesus gives us in the two brief parables in today’s reading urges another course of action. It seems to me that Jesus is urging his disciples to plan ahead; to take stock of where they are, where they want to go; and plan how they want to get there. At the same time, Jesus seems to be saying that it’s not enough for me to plan my own future without taking into account what God has planned for me. What I hear in the three readings for today is “What God intends for me is greater than what I could ever imagine.” But in order for it to come about, I need to work with him and to plan my actions with him in mind.

It’s this relationship between God’s plans and my plans I’d like for us to think about. Although God is always with us, and helps us when we really need his help, I believe there are times when he wants us to do our own planning. Maybe some examples from daily life might help explain what I mean.

The first one is for parents with little kids – kids who like play-dough. How many times have you had to pick it up and put the lid back on the can so it wouldn’t dry out? Little Suzie or Johnny always expect it’ll be ready for use the next time they want to play with it. Is it always mommy’s or daddy’s job to put it away? Or someday, do little Suzie or Johnny have to learn that they need to plan to put away the play-dough the right way, if they want it to work the next time?

Or what about teenagers and the family car? How many, teeage drivers believe gasoline magically appears in the tank? When they get their own car, they quickly learn they’ll run out of gas unless they, themselves, fill it up. What single person doesn’t wish that the refrigerator gets stocked by magic; but know that unless you do it yourself, you’ll go hungry – or make-do with another dinner of peanut-butter on stale crackers.

We’re all use to needing to plan in our day-to-day lives. We all need to think about our goals: whether it’s usable play-dough, gasoline in the car, or food for dinner. But what about my life as a Christian? Should I plan for that or should I leave it all up to God? For an answer to that one, let’s take a closer look at today’s gospel.

In the first story, we heard Jesus tell his disciples about the need for a person who wants to build a tower, to plan first, before even starting the job. Wouldn’t you agree he was telling them that if they wanted to follow him they had to plan first? Jesus did not tell his listeners not to build the tower; what he urged them to do was to plan before they got too involved.

How many of us say “yes” to something, and then almost immediately regret we said “yes?”
How many of us would do well to plan how we want to follow Christ before we start to build our tower for him? What about those who have already begun to follow him into battle? Before each engagement, before each new struggle, am I called to consider how l should act, what I should do?

The first story about the tower seems to be for those about to become followers of Christ. The second story seems, to me, to be for those who have started on the way and who need to maintain their Christian journey. Both kinds of disciples need to plan.

Jesus does not say it will be easy to follow him. In fact, he assures us of the very opposite. It will be hard. It will be like carrying a cross. We will need to give up former relationships and material possessions. But before we do any of this, before we immediately agree to give up what we have, we must consider what we are giving up; and what we require for the journey. We need to plan. The question then becomes: how do I go about planning?

First of all, we should make God part of that planning. Our first reading today from the Book of Wisdom tells us why we have to start with God. The translation from the New Jerusalem Bible for today’s First Reading says: “Who’ can know the intentions of God? Who can divine the will of the Lord? … It is hard enough for us to work out what is on earth, laborious to know what lies within our reach; … as for your intention, who could have learned it, had you not granted Wisdom and sent your holy spirit from above?

It would seem that each of us should listen to the Holy Spirit sent by God to learn what God has in mind for us and where he wants us to go. I need to look at where I’ve been in order to see where the Lord is leading me.

With the beginning of September, this might be a good time for each of us to reflect on where the Lord is calling us and to plan for the future. For me, September, not January, is the begining of the year. Now is the time for fresh starts. It’s probably a result of school starting; and the fact that for my entire life I’ve been tuned-in with the academic year.

In preparing this homily, it occurred to me that most of you know very little about my life outside of Sunday homilies. I got to thinking that if I’m going to urge you to reflect on how the Lord has entered your life and to plan for the future with him, maybe I should let you know something about how he’s entered my life. Looking back on that life, I would never have dared plan-out the career and the spiritual life I’ve been given.

My first intention was to be a high school science teacher. So I went to Kent State University and earned a B.S. in Education and a B.S. in Chemistry. During my student teaching, I quickly discovered I enjoyed teaching and helping others to learn; but I wasn’t interested in spending 90% of my effort motivating kids who didn’t want to be there in the first place. So instead of teaching in high school, I went to Cornell University for a Ph.D. in Biochemistry, so I could become a college professor. And then I discovered it wasn’t enough to have a doctorate to teach in a college; you need to do post-doctoral research, first.

In the meantime, Karen and I had married and begun our family. We moved with our daughter from Upstate New York to Hanover, New Hampshire, where I spent two years in basic research at the Dartmouth Medical School. It was there I learned you weren’t supposed to stay where you did your post-doctoral training and so: Karen, our daughter, our new son and I moved from New Hampshire to Corvallis, Oregon where Oregon State University is located. That turned out to be a disaster and so, two years later, along with a second son, we five moved from Oregon to Maryland, where I became an administrator with the National Institutes of Health.

Five years later we moved to Amherst, Massachusetts, where I was Dean for Research at the University of Massachusetts, until nine years ago when we moved to Houston. I’m now an administrator with Baylor College of Medicine.

What does this all have to do with God’s plan and my plans? Well, my plans said I was suppose to be a high school science teacher or a professor in some small college. That hasn’t happened. Instead, the Lord took my desire for teaching and urged me, much against my plans, to be a CCD teacher at the high school level. That’s how he kept me involved in the church.

And later, when I was a university administrator who wanted to help college students, he convinced me I should get involved with the Newman Center. When we moved to Houston, it was the Lord who reminded me that, if we couldn’t have hills, we could afford the trees in the FM 1960 area, if not the ones near the Texas Medical Center. That brought us to Good Shepherd. The Lord next introduced me to Marriage Encounter and showed me that if I could no longer be with young people in a Newman Center, Karen and I could be with them by giving ME Weekends.

The Marriage Encounter experiences opened up the Lord to me in entirely new ways and gave me a new understanding of what “feelings” were all about. The Lord finally moved from my head to my heart. The call to the Permanent Diaconate was the next step. And here I am today: talking about planning!

Thirty years ago when I planned to be a high school teacher in Ohio, I would never have imagined I’d be preaching to a congregation in Houston, Texas. Yet each step along the way was a “logical” next step. I could have said “yes” or “no.” I could stay where I was, or I could move on. Each time I chose to move on,

For me, and for Karen, that usually meant a physical move from one part of the country to another. But sometimes moving-on can be going from one situation to another, from one relationship to another, from one activity to another. For each of us, it means that I need to reflect on where I am now, on where the Lord has brought me, and on where the Lord wants me to go. It also means I need to pray. And often it also means I must plan when I’m going to pray. Finding time to be with God, to listen to his plans, does not just happen. Prayer is like building that tower – a tower to God. It, too, demands my planning and my attention,

When given the opportunity to plan with God about our life with him, a few of us may respond like Rhett Butler and say: “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” and so give up without starting. Others may become apprehensive and say: “I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies” and begin to reflect but fail to learn anything new about where the Lord is leading us. But I hope that none of us will be like Scarlett, who takes the easy way out by saying: “I’ll think about that tomorrow.” Unless we’re willing to listen to the Lord, to plan with him, and to act on those plans, our dreams – and his for us – can be “Gone with the Wind.”

Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 7, 1986
Wis 9:13-18; Phil 9-10, 12-17; Lk 14:25-33

{Not everyone agrees with the approach I took. The following note, dated 9-12-86, was placed in my box at CGS: “Pat – PLEASE refrain from any profanity in your homilies. Surely in the pew of the church our ears should and could be spared this. Can we not bring our-selves and our children to our house of worship secure in the knowledge that we will not be offended in any unnecessary way. (It is not cool as you think) (over) On the plus side it is good to hear personal stories from the homilist to help us relate to one another. Thanks for sharing. ….. Just a view from the pew.”}

Triumph of the Cross

Today’s question is scriptural. What is probably the most quoted scriptural verse in the United States? And if it’s not quoted, it certainly is the most widely seen reference in the country. At certain times of the year, it’s made obvious to millions of Americans. Of course, I’m referring to John 3:16. (Hold up large sign.) It’s a verse you heard read just moments ago in today’s gospel from John. “Yes, God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him may not die but may have eternal life.” This sign and its meaning are especially important for the feast day, the special day, we celebrate on September 14th. This weekend, we celebrate “the Triumph of the Cross” or simply “the Holy Cross.”

Each year on September 14th the church repeats a celebration that goes back to the earliest centuries of the church. The story goes: back in 326 AD, the empress Helena, the eighty-year-old mother of emperor Constantine, and a devout convert to the Catholic faith, made a pilgrimage from her son’s new city, Constantinople, to Jerusalem. While she was there she had a vision of where the remains of the cross on which Christ had been crucified could be found.

And sure enough, when she sent her agents to a certain site, they dug up the remains of three wooden crosses. A major part of her find was enshrined in a silver case in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which her son built over the place where the crosses were found. These relics remained there until they were taken by the Persians in a siege of Jerusalem. The pieces of the true cross were finally regained in the early Seventh Century.

It’s from this period of the early 600’s that we have the beginnings of the feast day we celebrate today. It was also during these early years that pieces, splinters, if you will, of the true cross were distributed to pilgrims to the Holy Land and carried back to all parts of Europe. These splinters of wood were considered to be among the greatest relics of the ages. Although the Holy Grail, the cup of the Last Supper, was never found, at least until Indiana Jones came along, the bits and pieces of the true cross could be seen by anyone who went to the local cathedral or shrine.

Signs and symbols have always been important to us humans. In our first reading we heard about a very powerful sign – the sign of the bronze serpent. It, too, was later preserved in the Temple of Solomon, until King Hezekiah smashed it, since he considered it to be idolatrous even if it had been made by Moses.

And why did Moses make it? Because the Israelites, like a lot of us, got tired and bored by a good thing. When they were hungry, the Lord God had given them manna to eat. But they became weary of eating this heavenly bread every day and began to complain against the Lord God. So the Lord God sent poisonous serpents. Evidently the Israelites quickly realized that daily bread was better than serpents and so they repented. The Lord God then instructed Moses to make a bronze serpent and put it on a tall pole so that anyone who had been bitten by a serpent could look on it and live.

Such signs of serpents and life were not uncommon in the ancient world. The Greeks had two such signs of life. There was the caduceus of Hermes the god of messengers, and now the god of florists. His winged staff had two snakes curled around it when he made his trips back and forth between Mount Olympus and the underworld.

However, the real staff of healing belonged to the god Aesculapius. It had only one snake around it. And those who looked upon that snake were also healed. And so, the Hebrews had their own bronze snake of life. It was to this bronze snake of life that Jesus referred in today’s gospel reading. Jesus had been speaking to Nicodemus, the member of the Sanhedrin who had come to him at night to ask how he might become part of the reign of God. It was then that Jesus told Nicodemus that “ … no one can enter into God’s kingdom without being begotten of water and spirit.” Jesus, in response to further questioning from Nicodemus, then went on to say, as we heard in today’s reading: “… just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that all who believe may have eternal life in him.”

At God’s request and in response to the cries of God’s people, Moses lifted up the bronze serpent so that those who looked upon it and believed would live. Now, at God’s request and in response to the cries of God’s people, Jesus would be lifted up on the cross for all to see and be saved. But not only would he be lifted up on the cross, he would also be lifted up from the tomb of his resurrection.

He would be lifted up not only on the cross and from the tomb, but also he would be lifted up from the earth to be with the Father so that they might send forth the Holy Spirit. And so it is that what begins with the lifting up of the holy cross comes to its grand conclusion with the descending down of the Holy Spirit. The outstretched arms of the cross become the outstretched wings of the dove of peace. The sign of death becomes the sign of life – a life we are to share with others.

This weekend in our diocese, we are called by our bishop to renew our commitment to stewardship: a caring for our world and for all who inhabit it. Once more, we are asked to give of our time, our talent, and our treasure so that others, as well as ourselves, might be healed. Once more, we are asked to give freely to others what has so freely been given to us. What we have received as gifts from God must now be “gifted” to others.

This past week, we have lovingly remembered the stewardship gifts of two remarkable women, whose lives we have honored as they return home to the Father. This “queen of hearts” and this “mother of souls” have shared, as we all do here, today, in the triumph of the cross.1

A triumph is a victory. It is also the trophy for the victory: the sign that the conflict has ended, and the enemy has been overcome. The cross that in the ancient world was the symbol for the death of a criminal becomes the trophy of the one who overcame the enemy called death.

The cross becomes the sign of the leader who points the way for others so that they, too, can have “life everlasting.” The sign to remind us: “Yes, God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him may not die but may have eternal life.” It is not a cardboard sign with the designation “Jn 3:16″ that gives us life, but rather the sign each of us carries within us and makes visible to others when we pray and act (†) “In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Twenty-third Sun Ord: Triumph of the Cross; September 14, 1997
Num 21:4-9; Phil 2:6-11; Jn 3:13-17

  1. Princess Diana of Wales, known for her philanthropy, died August 31, 1997. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, India, died on September 5, 1997

Light and Darkness

Today’s question calls for your personal opinion. Among all of the religious figures you’ve heard about during your lifetime, who – in your opinion — is worthy of sainthood, worthy of being in the immediate presence of God for all of eternity? There are many to choose from. Even if you are very young, you have probably heard about a lot of people you might consider to be worthy of sainthood.

For many Catholics that list would probably include several popes. John XXIII or John Paul II would no doubt head such a list. For the traditional-minded, Pope Pius IX would be among them. For some so-called “progressive” or “liberal” Catholics, they might think of Dorothy Day. And if you wanted to include non-Catholic religious figures, many might have Martin Luther King, Jr. or even Mahatma Gandhi on their list.

However, I dare say that a vast majority of people would want Mother Teresa of Calcutta at the top of the list. She and John XXIII, as well as pope Pius IX have, in the last few years, made the official list of those who are “beatified:” those, who – in the Vatican’s view – are formally eligible to be canonized, to be on the official list of saints of the Catholic Church. However, in order to go beyond being declared “beatified” or “blessed,” more information needs to be gathered about the life of the saintly person. In the case of Mother Teresa of Calcutta, the man charged with the responsibility of presenting additional information about her is Rev. Brian Kolodiejchuk. Perhaps some of you have heard about him.

As part of his background work in collecting information in support of Mother Teresa’s canonization, Fr. Brian had access to letters she wrote to her confessors and close associates over some 66 of the 87 years of her life. As many of you know – especially from a recent issue of Time magazine – these letters have been published in a book, entitled: “Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light.” And, as many of you have probably guessed, the theme of this book can be associated with the words found in today’s gospel reading, in which Jesus states: “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. … [Anyone] of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple.” Who, more than Mother Teresa of Calcutta, exemplifies someone who has renounced all of her possessions in order to follow Jesus the Christ?

For years we have heard how she gave up everything in order to found the Missionaries of Charity who minister to the poorest of the poor in India. Her work and that of her religious sisters have become legendary in the pursuit of the true discipleship Jesus calls for. Even the secular world recognized her vast contributions by awarding her the Noble Peace Prize in 1979. And now, ten years after her death on September 5, 1997, multitudes of people think of her when they think of saintliness.

Yes, we have seen how she was willing to give up all earthly possessions and carry an earthly cross of physical suffering to follow Christ and be his disciple. What we did not realize, until her letters came to light, is how she may have endured another apparent demand we heard in today’s gospel. “If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters … and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

These are, indeed, harsh words, ones we tune out; one’s we dare not hear. And yet Mother Teresa seems to have heard them, and to have lived them out. Consider for a moment, the impact these words must have had on those who heard them some two thousand years ago. Back in a time when the family was the center of one’s life. Back in a time when the first commandment following those which dealt with our relationship to God was: “Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you.” Back in a time when a father and mother gave protection to their children and expected them to carry on their own lives and continue their family traditions in the generations to come.

And here was Jesus, the new Moses, saying that those who follow him must relinquish all ties to the past, must forgo all those who protected and nourished them, all those to whom they owed allegiance, love and loyalty. Now you must give up everything. Indeed, you must even hate or despise or reject all former relationships, everything than binds you to your past, if you are to follow me. You must relinquish the center of your former lives in order to come follow me. Few people seem able to do this. Few are willing to acknowledge the admonition: “If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

And before you really consider doing this, he says, consider the cost. Do not attempt to build your future unless you are truly willing to consider what the price will be. Do not enter into a battle unless you have first concluded that you can win the battle you are undertaking, that you have all of the resources to do so – to fight and win.

Most of us thought Mother Teresa must have considered all of this when she left a comfortable home and surroundings and joined the Loreto Sisters as a teaching nun. She certainly heard the voice of her Lord calling her to give up everything to follow him to India. We now learn that she, too, had doubts. She, too, except for a few brief weeks in her life, did not feel the presence of Christ. And yet, we also hear in her written words, in her letters to those to whom she confided, an even more important virtue she possessed.

She continued to have faith. She continued to make use of the gift of faith which God gave her – and gives to each one of us – the gift of faith in order to live out the life she had chosen, a life to follow Jesus the Christ; to do what he urged her to do; to help the poorest of the poor and not stop, even when she did not perceive God’s presence.

Unlike Mother Teresa, once we have started to follow Jesus, we are tempted, so many times, to give it all up. We attempt to pray, we attempt to listen for his guidance and in our conversation, God is silent. We seek his presence and find only his absence. We think we are the only ones whom God apparently has abandoned. We judge
● that we must be doing something wrong,
● that we have not given enough of ourselves,
● that we are not ready to relinquish all of our worldly goods in order to follow him and because of our apparent failing, he – in return – is punishing us by his absence.

And now we have Mother Teresa to remind us: doubt is not the defining characteristic of our Christianity, of our following Christ and accomplishing the mission on which he sends us. Rather our defining characteristics are – as they have always been – our faith, hope and charity.
● Our faith that God is with us even when we do not feel his presence, even when the hugs and warm fuzzies we crave, are not there.
● Our hope – our expectation of the unexpected – is still present and God still loves us, each one of us.
● And the gift of Charity, the gift of love, itself. The gift of knowing that even when our beloved seems to be far from us; our beloved who seems to be hidden; our beloved is, in fact, still with us.

For when all else is gone, God’s gifts of faith, hope and charity abide with us, live within us. When we are covered by darkness and despair in our worldly life, or in our spiritual life, we can still discern the words Mother Teresa heard when she began her own journey, the words he speaks to each one of us in our own darkness: “Come Be My Light.”

Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 9, 2007
Wis 9:13-18b; Phil 9b-10,12-17; Lk 14:26-33

Where?

For each generation there is a defining question.
● For my parent’s generation it might have been: Where were you when Pearl Harbor was bombed?
● For mine, there is the question: Where were you when Kennedy was assassinated?
● For the next generation: Where were you when the Federal Building was bombed?
● And for the youth of today, the question will be: Where were you when the World Trade Center was destroyed?

Yes, there are, of course, many other questions which define the outlines of our lives; but these four are the ones that focus our anxiety, our outrage, our sense of loss.
● Anxiety: concerning what will happen now? What will be the next tragedy? Is this only the beginning?
● Outrage: how could this have happened? How can we punish those who did this terrible act?
● Loss: whether of a single person who, at the time, embodied much of the new spirit of this country – Or loss of peace when we were forced to enter a world-wide conflict – Or the loss of many lives, of innocent people, young and old – in Oklahoma City, in New York City, in Washington, D.C., in the hills of Pennsylvania.

We continue to ask: Why does this happen – again and again? We ask ourselves, and one another: How can a loving God allow all of this to happen? And at the same time we ask: How can we prevent this from happening again? What drastic measures must we take to protect ourselves, those we love?

There are, of course, no easy answers if, in fact, there are any real answers, at all. Yet, in our search for answers – answers that will bring back our stability – many want to blame someone: individuals or groups of people. There are those who demand an enemy or, at the very least, a conspiracy of others bent upon our destruction. They demand an enemy through whom we can reduce our anxiety, vent our outrage and revenge our loss.

Our loss. Yes, in today’s gospel reading we heard about loss. And our first reaction might be: what in the world do these Bible stories have to do with the kinds of loss we have witnessed over these last days? How can the loss of a single sheep when there are still ninety-nine left, have any meaning for us here, today? How can the loss of a mere coin, even if it is ten percent of a woman’s wealth, be compared with the tragedy of the loss of thousands of people? And how can the story of the Prodigal Son tell us what we should do today – and tomorrow, in all of the tomorrows of our lives and of our children’s lives?

No, I do not equate the senseless death of people with the loss of a sheep or of a mere golden coin; nor even of the return of a son who was lost. But I do suggest that we give some thought, some prayerful reflection, to the conclusion of each of the stories we heard spoken by the one we call our loving Lord and Master.

In each story we heard that following each loss, each personal tragedy, there was a finding. And with each finding, there was a calling together of friends, of community, to celebrate the return. But our third story, Jesus’ tale of the return of the prodigal son, does not end on the happy note of such a celebration.

Instead we hear the cries of the elder son for what he considers to be justice. He demands what he believes is rightfully his; what he has earned for his on-going work and, perhaps, even his own suffering, while his younger brother was off squandering the family fortune.

And to this outcry the father responds: “My son, you are here with me always … everything I have is yours. But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again, he was lost and has been found.”

Are we, once more, being reminded in this parable that there are, indeed, losses in life, great tragedies of a personal nature; but somehow there is also an end to the loss, a return to stability, a recovery. And are we being reminded that an essential part of this recovery is the coming together of our friends, our community to share in the good that may come out of tragedy; to rejoice rather than to condemn; to celebrate that God remains with us even when searching for the lost sheep – or waiting for the return of the child who is lost.

Today in this diocese, and throughout the nation, we were scheduled to celebrate what is called “Catechetical Sunday” – a day to honor those who teach us about religion, about God, about Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Today was to have been a day for teachers. Instead, today really is a day for all of us. For all of us to live out our own lives as teachers. Teachers for our own children, for other children. Teachers also for adults, for all adults, for all peoples: Christian and non-Christian.

Today, we are teachers not for the formal things we say about God but, more importantly, for all the ways in which we live out our beliefs about God. Today – and really, every day – but especially during these days of trial and tribulation, each of us must live out our lives as examples of what we really and truly believe about our God.

We can fall victim, as did, perhaps, the elder son, victim to anxiety, outrage and loss. Or we can remember and live out the words of a loving father who whispers: “My child, you are here with me always, everything I have is yours.” Perhaps the true question is not: “Where were you when …? but rather, where are you now? Are you lost? Or have you returned to the arms of a loving shepherd, a loving father?

Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary: September 16, 2001
Ex 32:7-11, 13-14; 1 Tim 1:12-17; Lk 15: 1-32

Where Now

Although, as you know, I usually begin my homilies with a question, today I’d like to start with a bit of history, personal history. If you’re an “old timer” here at CGS, you probably know I’ve been preaching in this church for twenty years. I gave my first homily here on April 8, 1984. This weekend will be the 203rd time some of you have listened to me preach. And yes, I do have a copy of all 203 homilies!

Every three years, I check to see what I said on the corresponding weekend of the earlier cycle of readings. Sometimes I re-work a theme I’ve used before. Often, I go off on a different tangent, since both the world and I have changed in the meantime. But today, I’m going to do something different. Today I’m going to begin this homily with the words I spoke on the Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary time in the year 2001. That was the weekend of September 15th and 16th … 2001. I began with the words: “For each generation there is a defining question“. {I continued reading the homily I’d given on that date, until I reached the section addressing the originally proposed “Catechetical Sunday. I then continued:}

These are the words I used three years ago. I believe they are equally relevant, perhaps even more so, today. Three years ago, in 2001, I pointed out that on this Twenty-fourth Sunday of ordinary time, the dioceses of the United States had been scheduled to celebrate “Catechetical Sunday” – a day to honor those who teach us about religion, about God, about Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It was to have been a day for teachers. Instead, it became a day for all of us. For all of us to live out our own lives as teachers.
● Teachers for our own children … for other children.
● Teachers also for adults … for all adults … for all peoples … Christian and non-Christian.

This weekend, on the Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary time in 2004, in this part of our diocese, we are celebrating “Ministry Formation.” Here at Good Shepherd we’ve been the host for the Northern Diocesan Workshops for Eucharistic ministers, lectors, musicians, ushers, greeters, altar servers and those involved in our liturgical art environment. The focus has been on our community of worship, our community for the celebration of Emmanuel, the God who is with us.

We are once again reminded that we are a community called to live out our lives in the belief that nothing is every lost to the sight of God, our Father – our Father who keeps searching for us until he finds us. We are called to live in a time of acceptance … not of vengeance. We are reminded that in times of loss, or in times of restoration, we can become a victim, as did the elder son; victim to anxiety and outrage, or we can remember and live out the words of a loving father who whispers: “My child, you are here with me always, everything I have is yours.”

Three years ago, I concluded my homily with another set of questions. They continue to be relevant. Perhaps the true question is not: “where were you when …? but rather …. where are you now? Are you lost? Or have you returned to the arms of a loving shepherd … a loving father who awaits your return with his own open arms?

Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 12, 2004
Ex 32:7-11, 13-14; 1 Tim 1:12-17; Lk 15: 1-32

Lost and Found

Do you always know where everything is? Yes, that’s my question for today. Do you always know where everything is? Are you able to keep track of all of your possessions? Looking at it another way: are you always in control of every aspect of your life? Or occasionally do you misplace something that’s important to you?

How about the car keys as you’re rushing out of the house in the morning? You’re already running late. You know you left them where you usually leave them. But they’re not there. Someone must have taken them. Your spouse, your teenage kid. Your brother-in-law! Or what about that receipt you need to take with you to exchange an item at the store. You thought you might be needing it in case of a return. So you put it in a place where you would be sure to find it. But it’s not there when you go looking for it. Could you have thrown it out when you were discarding all of that other junk you did not need anymore?

If you’re like me, you go into a frenzied search-mode. For the keys, you try to retrace your steps when you got home yesterday. You search on the floor and on every table – starting in the kitchen and working systematically towards your bedroom. For the missing receipt, you begin by going through each and every piece of paper in all of the piles around the house. And if you are like me, you get angrier by the minute. At myself … and at that stupid object which the gremlins have once again stolen.

And then you find it. Right where you now remember you left it. And no, unlike the shepherd or the widow we heard about a few minutes ago … we do not invite the neighbors in for a celebration. But I do celebrate inside my head. I celebrate that the Alzheimer’s hasn’t kicked in as I thought, for a moment, it might have.

And so, I’m thankful for finding the small things in my life that I thought I had lost. I’m not unlike the shepherd or the woman who had suffered big-time losses they were able to recover. They were thankful for big things. I’m thankful for little things.

I’m also thankful that I haven’t lost big things. Some of us have. A lost spouse. A lost child. A lost job. A lost opportunity. A lost self-respect. Jesus knew about all of these losses. And he told parables about them. But his focus was not on the loss, itself. Rather, he emphasized the joy of recovering it.

He also spoke about a loss that might not be recovered. He spoke about a son who deserted the family. A child who willfully left the home where a loving parent remained behind. A parent waiting for a return. Yes, sometimes we cannot go in search of what is lost. Sometimes, we must wait – wait for the healing which accompanies the loss.

This weekend we recall the loss of some 3000 people almost a decade ago. Some still hope for a physical return. Others have become reconciled to their personal loss. Some continue to hate and despise those on whom they blame their loss. Others have begun the process of healing these wounds of the heart.

Jesus also recognized that we, his brothers and sisters, deal with loss and recovery in various ways. We heard a story about his recognition. A story we’ve heard many times before. A story that is also about us. He told his story to the Pharisees and scribes who were complaining to him. They said: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” Sinners … those who are lost from God. Sinners … those who willfully left the presence of God. Sinners who have repented, who have changed their ways. Sinners who wish to return to the family of God. Sinners who request forgiveness, even when they recognize that their actions do not merit forgiveness. For you see, this is the real point of the three stories Jesus addressed to the complaining Pharisees and scribes.

Although he seems to speak of the joy of finding something that is lost … whether it is a single sheep or a single coin … he is really telling the Pharisees, the scribes and those who complain … he is telling them about the acceptance and forgiveness of God.

Jesus remembers the time of Moses and the Israelites who made a golden calf to worship when they turned away from the Lord God who had led them out of the bondage of Egypt. They had left Him just as the prodigal son had left his father to seek his own fortune. Yet, that same Lord God continues to forgive his people. That same Lord God sends his only Son to us to bring us the forgiveness of God. Yes, it is for this reason that God became man … to bring his forgiveness to each of us who had been lost.

Whether we acknowledge it or not … we are, indeed, sinners. Saint Paul certainly recognized this fact about himself in his letter to Timothy that we heard today, when he wrote: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. Of these I am the foremost. But for that reason, I was mercifully treated, so that in me, as the foremost, Christ Jesus might display all his patience as an example for those who would come to believe in him for everlasting life.”

When we hear the story of the Prodigal Son – the story of the son who returns to the waiting father – we usually imagine ourselves in the role of the returning son and God as the expectant, overjoyed Father. And, indeed, this is the case. Jesus has repeatedly spoken of the joy of God and of the angels when a sinner repents and returns to the family of God. But for a moment, perhaps we might consider ourselves in the role of either the father who is joyful – or the angry brother who resents the joy of the father when the former sinner, who was lost, now returns home.

How willing am I to forgive the reason for a loss, when the one who was lost has now returned? Do I continue to bear a grudge? Am I resentful and believe I have been treated unfairly? Or can I be like the welcoming Father and rejoice in the return. When I find the car keys, do I gripe about the time I had to spend looking for them? When I locate the misplaced piece of paper, am I thankful that my patient search has been rewarded … or do I blame myself for not having found it sooner?

And for those who have caused me a hurt … a loss of a relationship in my life … do I blame them for the loss and the pain it caused me? Or do I rejoice that the relationship has been restored … or that I have begun to accept the healing … even when the loss continues?

Indeed, I may not … I cannot … control all of the events of my life. But I can control my responses to them. I can rage against the darkness of the loss … or I can light a candle and bring a bit of illumination into the world as, together, we celebrate the forgiveness and reconciliation given to us thorough Christ, the Light of the World.

24th Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 12, 2010
Ex 32:7-11; 1 Tim 1:12-17; Lk 15:1-32

Used Car Salesman

Have you ever had to deal with a person who has the style of a “used car salesman?” Our American culture has many stereotypes. They’re useful as shortcuts in movies and TV stories. The image of a used car salesman is one of those short-cut stereotypes. For the benefit of any of you who might happen to sell used cars, I want to say I’m sure this stereotype doesn’t exist in Houston. I’m really talking about Californian used car salesmen.

You have every reason to wonder what used car salesmen have to do with today’s readings. I think an appreciation for this stereotype can make today’s gospel a little easier to understand. The focus for today’s reflection is a difficult one: the focus for today’s homily is the relationship of compromise and trust. Basically the question is: do you really trust that salesman who says he’s giving you the best deal in town?

In order to see the used car salesman in today’s Gospel Reading you need to understand something about the economics of life in the time of Christ. Without this understanding, today’s gospel doesn’t make much sense. Why would a master praise his manager for what seems to be a lot of cheating?

First of all, you need to realize that the manager was probably a free man, not a slave. The manager was hired to take care of the master’s accounts. However, he didn’t receive a salary. Remember what you’ve heard about tax-collectors. How they gathered the taxes for the authorities but were entitled to keep a percentage for themselves. Well, estate managers worked on the same principle. We’d call it a commission.

The manger in today’s story was accused by others, probably some of the real servants, that he was holding out on the master, taking a bigger cut of the profits than he should have. If the manager had been a slave, he would have probably been imprisoned on the strength of the accusations. But as a freeman, he had some rights and was to be called on the carpet.

Furthermore, the manager may have been guilty of holding back more than he should have. He certainly acted guilty by fearing he was going to be dismissed by the master. So what did he do? He went to the master’s debtors and had them pay what was owed to the master; but without paying the commission that was due to him as the manger.

Now you have to admit that a 100% markup on oil is a pretty good commission! After all, when the client said he owed 100 jars of oil, and the manager was able to settle for 50 jars, that’s not a bad commission! Oil was a much better deal than wheat, where you got only 20 measures of wheat as your commission for the 80 due to the master. I hope our Houston people who deal in crude rather than in olives do as well!

Anyway, as a result of the manager’s actions, his boss got everything that was due to him and the clients were happy because they didn’t have to pay as much as they expected. It’s no wonder the master was able to praise the manager. It’s not often you are able to make both the company and the clients happy at the same time. You would have to agree, I think, that the manager displayed a good-ol’ Hebrew trait called “chutzpah“. It was for that he was praised.

I said that the focus of this reflection would be on “compromise” and upon “trust”. For some, you might believe that what the manager did was to work out a beautiful compromise. After all, both the master and the clients got the best of the deal and the manager did not lose his job. What more could you want? But what about the long run?

Would the manager be able to survive very long if he had to continuously forgo his commission? Without any money coming in, I don’t think so. Would his master trust him in the future? If the profits went down, would the master think the manager was again holding out on him? What about the clients? In the future, would they be as willing to pay the full-price that was demanded? Or would they want the manager to continue to reduce his commission? And, finally, if the master did dismiss the manager, would the clients really be all that willing to hire him on as their accountant? The question might be raised: not only “would you buy a used car from this man?” but also: “would you want this man working for you?”

Last week, deacon Les spoke about justice and mercy. This week, I’d like to reflect on compromise and trust – as well as upon forgiveness and amnesty. We are told that the Christian attitude is to forgive those who wronged you. To grant amnesty to those who were your enemies. To forget and forgive. But these virtues do not exist by themselves.

Do you recall the story when Jesus was asked to judge the woman who was accused of adultery. When no one was able to cast the first stone, Jesus forgave the woman. He granted her amnesty. But what did he say next? He said: “You may go. But from now on, avoid this sin.” Forgiveness requires repentance, a change of heart, a determination that the wrongful act will not be repeated.

Back in the old days when everyone went to weekly confession, Catholics were accused of being able to sin repeatedly and all we had to do was go to confession in order to get rid of the sin. But the truth of the matter was, that to obtain absolution, you had to promise to try to change, to try not to commit that same sin again. There was a recognition that, being human, we could fail once more, but the attempt to change had to be made. With forgiveness, there was a need to be trusted.

That need still exists today. There is a need for trust in small things, as Jesus says. Otherwise, how can you really trust a person when it comes to something important, the big things in life?

Parents need to be able to trust that the kids will be home when they say they will, otherwise, how can you trust them with the car? Parents need to be able to trust that their kids can stand up to the peer pressure of not joining in on the latest fad when the kids are told “it’s ok, everyone is doing it”. Otherwise, how can parents trust that their kids can also say “no” to crack?

With kids, it’s being able to trust that their parents will be there for them when problems and troubles do come up. How can a kid trust that this will be the case, when mom and dad don’t listen to the other things the kids have to say?

Life seems to be full of the potential for compromises. For slight adjustments in our principles and in our trustworthiness. Does it really matter that I add a little to my expense account? Do I try to justify it by saying I’m not really stealing from the company; and besides, nobody will miss it; nobody will be hurt by my small action; it’s all part of the system, anyway.

Would there be a need for a “war on drugs” if people didn’t start with small compromises? Like saying: “marijuana isn’t really addictive; it’s ok to use it for ‘recreational’ purposes.” Or how about: “everyone at work uses a little coke now and then. It’s ok to get a lift that way. After-all, I’m strong enough to avoid mis-using it. I can stop whenever I want to.” All of these are forms of compromises.

Nations have problems with compromises, too. Can superpower One compromise with superpower Two and really reach a peaceful settlement? “Yes,” if there is trust; “No,” if there is no trust. Can a minority accept the conditions of the majority and not be afraid of the consequences? Yes, if there is trust; no if there is no trust.

Compromise. Seeing the other person’s needs and your own needs and working out a joint solution. That is an appropriate Christian approach. Yet, compromise with evil is never allowed. Giving in to evil is not an appropriate Christian approach. How do you tell the difference? How do you judge when evil is present? When are the principles so important that compromise is not possible? There are no easy answers to that question.

Jesus did give us some guidelines. He said to forgive those who do wrong. But there must first be a repentance, a willingness to change. How do we know that there is a willingness to change? By observing a person’s behavior in small things and trusting that these actions will suggest how a person will behave in more important things.

He also said you can not serve two masters. In the old translations, it was: “you can’t serve God and mammon.” Now it’s called “money”. But mammon is still a useful concept. Mammon is any worldly possession that leads us away from God and from positive relationships with others.

The prophet Amos in the First Reading spoke about merchants who cheated in their measurements and about those who thought a poor man was worth less than the price of a pair of worn-out sandals. Such people followed mammon, not the Lord God. In our own day, perhaps crack and other drugs are our form of mammon. They offer high profits for some and death for many more.

But change is possible. It is possible to turn from mammon, no matter what that mammon might be, and to turn towards God. That, after all, is what being a Christian is all about. The willingness to change: first in small ways. Then: in larger ones, which turn out not to be all that large after the small steps have been taken. We show how we can be trusted in small actions. We suddenly discover we can handle the greater trusts given to us.

I began this reflection with a used car salesman. Jesus never had to deal with a used car salesman. But I doubt if he ever bought a donkey from someone he couldn’t trust. Would he have bought a donkey from you?

Twenty-fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 24, 1989
Amos 8:4-7; 1 Tim 2:1-8; Lk 16:1-13

Santa Fe

Today’s question involves geography; but it’s not a hard one. It requires either a “yes” or “no” answer. The question is this: How many of you have ever visited Santa Fe, New Mexico? And how many of you have “enjoyed” visiting Santa Fe? Santa Fe is one of my favorite towns, even if I do get tired after a while of seeing howling coyotes on everything. And I think there are more colors in life than pink, turquoise and tan. Yet despite all of that commercialization, there is a certain ambience, call it a certain calmness united with joy, that I find refreshes my spirit in Santa Fe. So, if you haven’t been to Santa Fe, I’d encourage you to visit, even if I don’t get a cut from the Santa Fe Chamber of Commerce.

However, if you never have the chance to visit the town of Santa Fe, I would encourage you even more to spend a lot of time, in fact, a lot of your life, within the boundaries of the real Santa Fe. And what is the “real” Santa Fe?

Have you ever stopped to recognize that Santa Fe means “Holy Faith?” Yes, whether or not you ever get into the mountains of New Mexico, the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, the Blood of Christ Mountains of the southwest; whether or not you visit Santa Fe, New Mexico, I would encourage you to seek “Holy Faith,” itself.

And what is holy faith? There are many ways to define it, I suppose. One way is to acknowledge that “faith” is a “gift of God.” Our God has revealed to us that divinity exists as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Our response to that revelation is our faith. How we live out our response is our faith.

For some, faith is a list of the things we believe. Each Sunday at mass we recite the Creed that summarizes this list of beliefs of our faith. But at the heart of this Creed is the internal knowledge each one of us has; the knowledge that God exists; that God is. And coupled with this knowing that God exists is the knowing that I, myself, exist and that I exist not on my own, but I exist in God.

I am like a bright cloud floating in God who is the blue sky surrounding me and sustaining my flight. At any moment I can dissolve into apparent nothingness, yet I am still with God. Faith is knowing that everyone else also exists in God; that there are many clouds in that blue sky but we are all moved in one direction by the same wind, the wind of the Holy Spirit.

This capacity for each person to know that God exists and to respond to God’s existence, is our gift of faith. Yet like all gifts, the gift of faith must be opened; it is a gift that we must be taught to use. We need help to realize that God is the Creator and we are the creations of our God.

In our First Reading from the book of the prophet Amos we heard about people who had forgotten this lesson. They were people who could hardly wait for the Sabbath, the day of rest, to be over so they could get back to cheating others. They wanted to diminish the Ephah, the measure used for volumes of food. They wanted their customers to think they were getting a full bushel basket of wheat by making the basket smaller. They wanted to add to the weight of the shekel used in their balance scales so that when they bought the wheat from others, their clients would need to put more grain on the balance pan before the sale could be made.

But in our Second Reading from Paul’s Letter to Timothy, we are reminded once more, of the basic lesson of faith. We are urged to offer “… petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings … ” for all peoples, especially for those in authority. Yes, Paul encourages us to pray even for our boss. Can you image Dagwood praying for Mr. Dithers – or how about Dilbert praying for the welfare of that pointy-headed character who employs him?

In our gospel reading we heard about a relationship between another boss and a different kind of employee. In the story Jesus told to his disciples, the boss seems to be more understanding that either Mr. Dithers or the pointy-head who supervises Dilbert. Just before he’s to be fired for incompetency, our employee cuts a few deals for himself. If you want to look kindly upon this guy, some scholars would say he was merely reducing the master’s debts by the amount of interest that he, himself, had coming to him and, in the process, he ingratiated himself to his clients so they might hire him perhaps as a high-payed consultant – after he was fired.

But no matter what motivated this particular employee and whether or not his boss approved of the results, Jesus does give us the tag line for his story. He concludes by saying: “You cannot give yourself to God and money.” It seems that each person needs to make a choice: either to be faithful to God or to live out your life according to the guidelines of the secular world.

Which brings us back to where we started, our need for faith, for living out the way of God, for opening God’s gift of eternal life, God’s gift of grace wrapped in the gift of faith. But how do we learn how to open this gift of faith?

We accomplish this task through the process of catechesis. Yes, catechesis is a fancy word for opening the gift of faith. Catechesis means an education in our faith. Catechesis is more than merely teaching about God, about Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It is rather teaching by both word and example. In our modern jargon: catechesis is … “to walk the talk.”

Today, throughout the United States, Catholic parishes are celebrating “Catechetical Sunday,” a special day to acknowledge and honor all of the catechists in our lives. There are many such people around us: those who have helped us to unwrap our gift of faith, who have taught us, and shown us, what it is to live a Christian life.

The first catechists are our parents. They are the first ones who helped us open that sacred gift. They brought us to the waters of Baptism. They taught us what is right and wrong. They taught us about sharing. They taught us about God. They taught us how to speak with God in prayer.

Our second set of catechists are our peers. Rightly or wrongly, our friends taught us about life. Sometimes they tried to lead us astray. Sometimes, like those we heard about from Amos, we were told to cheat and to lie in order to get ahead. Sometimes, like the employee in today’s parable, we thought we could get away with shady dealings; that we could take care of ourselves; that we could plan for the future independent of higher authority, independent even of God.

What our parents had begun so well, was sometimes set aside by our peers. Yet, hopefully, we also had peers who did not lead us astray but, instead, also helped us open and use our gift of faith. Yet, if parents and peers were less than helpful, perhaps there were also “professionals” – those who truly professed their beliefs, who spoke out and taught us through their words and actions.

The first of those “professionals” – those who profess our faith – are our bishops. We sometimes forget that they are the primary teachers assigned to us by God to help us in our response to God’s revelations. Bishops, priests, deacons and religious sisters and brothers have principal roles to openly profess our faith.

But perhaps the most important ones who profess their faith to others, who help others in their quest for God, are our ordinary teachers, our ordinary catechists: those ordinary women and men of all ages and backgrounds who do such extra-ordinary things in their lives – and with their lives. These are the people we acknowledge and honor today. These are the ones who have given of themselves so that each one of us can experience today our own “Santa Fe” – our own Holy Faith.

Twenty-fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time; September 20, 1998 (Catechetical Sunday)
Amos 8:4 -7; 1 Tim 2:1-8; Lk 16:1-13

Eucharist

Today’s question is a philosophical or theological one. My question is this: What is faith? What do we mean when we pledge faithfulness to one another? Perhaps, another word for faith is trust. Trust within a relationship means: I will never harm you. Yet, trust goes beyond doing no harm. Faith and trust mean: I will always have your best interest as my own, major interest. Faith is knowing that something will happen, because the one you trust says it will happen.

Today’s readings are about faith. In our first reading, the Israelites said they saw only violence and misery in life. But the Lord God responded through the words of Habakkuk, the prophet, that they must focus on the vision, on what they have been promised to see in the future, on the vision that will be fulfilled. Have faith. Trust in the word of the Lord God and have life. That is the message.

In the second reading, Paul in his letter to Timothy reminds him that Timothy’s faith, his trust, would be strengthened by the action of the Holy Spirit who dwells within him.

The apostles, too, were concerned about faith, about their trust in their relationship with their master. In today’s Gospel Reading, they asked, like many of us, they asked their master to increase their faith. It seems that they wanted a greater ability or, perhaps, greater reasons to trust him.

Jesus gave them a strange answer. He said: you don’t need more faith. You have enough faith no matter how little you may think you have. If you used what you perceive is your “limited” faith, you could, in fact, up-root trees merely by speaking to them. All you need to do, he said, is to do what is expected of you, what your duty calls you to do. He seems to be saying: trust in the relationship you already have with the master who has your welfare in mind. You already have sufficient faith to accomplish all that is required of you.

And what is required? We know the basic requirement, the fundamental law: love God and love your neighbor as yourself. We also know the core of our faith, of our trust in our own relationship with Christ, the core, the heart, which proclaims: he died for us. He is risen. He will come again. We re-affirm this faith, this trust in his words, at each and every celebration of the Eucharist. As Catholic Christians, we’ve been doing this for two-thousand years.

Over the centuries, the fundamental way in which we have done this, has not changed. We have gathered to hear the word of God in holy scripture. We have gathered in a fellowship meal where the elder, the presbyter, the priest prays to God the Father to send down the Holy Spirit to consecrate, to make holy, the bread and the wine to become the body and blood of Christ.

Over the centuries, the words and actions have changed with time, place and culture; but the fundamentals of this faithful relationship have remained constant, unchanged. Forty years ago, a generation ago, the bishops of the world, the direct successors of the apostles, met in Vatican City to revise some of the externals which had changed dramatically since the time of the apostles, themselves.

Many Catholic Christians throughout the world, and particularly in the United States, were disturbed by the changes. Many others equally embraced the changes. Most seemed happy to be able to understand the words now spoken in English, rather than in Latin. Some were uncomfortable with the idea that we are to be a worshiping community and not a collection of individuals praying to God at the same time.

Yes, there were many changes. Sometimes, it seemed that the changes were made merely for the sake of making changes rather than returning the liturgy, our public gathering, to the simplicity of those first, Christian liturgical celebrations. In some instances, there seemed to be a loss in the perception of a basic truth: namely, that in our communion with God, we consume not bread and wine but the actual body & blood of Christ.

In order to prevent the loss of this basic truth, the Vatican has recently issued a new set of changes to re-enforce our perception that we consume the body and blood of Christ, himself. These changes are not just for the diocese of Galveston-Houston, but are for the world-wide Catholic church.

Some may wonder why we need to change here at Christ the Good Shepherd. They function under the view: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. However, the rules are for everyone in the universal church. They have been structured to focus on the Eucharist, itself. These changes began with a recent papal encyclical on the Eucharist. They’re being implemented by a new Vatican document with the long title: “On Certain Matters to be Observed or to be Avoided Regarding the Most Holy Eucharist.” The final implementation of this document is to be done throughout the entire Roman Catholic church by the First Sunday of Advent, the last weekend in November.

Here at Good Shepherd we will be making these changes over the next several weeks in order to have them in place by the beginning of Advent; and yet take into consideration the physical limitations of our own environment. So what we do here at Good Shepherd, may not be exactly what you see done at other parishes.

So what will you see here, at Christ the Good Shepherd? First of all, trays with individual cups will be brought to the altar when the gifts of bread and wine are brought forward. The wine will be poured at this time. The new document expresses a concern that in the pouring of any liquid, some might be spilled. It is one thing to spill wine; it is entirely another matter to spill the Precious Blood.

And this is what we believe. Once the wine has been consecrated, it is no longer wine, but it is now the body and blood of Christ. And so, the wine is to be poured before it is consecrated, before it becomes the Precious Blood.

There is also a concern that the cups containing the Precious Blood might be broken, not necessarily at CGS, but remember, these changes are for every Catholic parish in the world. So to preclude the possibility of breakage, the cups can no longer be glass, crystal or pottery. They must be of silver, gold or pewter: metals that cannot rust nor corrode, that do not break. We will also change from glass to metal bowls for the distribution of the consecrated hosts.

To focus on the Eucharist, itself, you will also see other changes at the time when the gifts of bread and wine are brought to the altar. For instance, these gifts of bread and wine will be brought forward before the collection of funds has been completed. The large basket with the combined collection will no longer be brought forward and placed by the altar.

Many of you bring gifts of food and other products for the poor. We want to encourage you, and others, to continue this generous practice. However, the location for your gifts will be changed. They should not be placed directly in the sanctuary around the altar, but they should be placed in and around the baskets which will be at the front of the main aisle. So if your children bring up these gifts, please instruct them about the new location for these gifts.

There are also certain aspects of receiving the body and blood of Christ that you should be aware of. It has always been the case that the consecrated host and the precious blood are both the body and blood of Christ, even though the priest, deacon or extraordinary minister of holy communion, when offering the consecrated host would say: “the body of Christ” and with the consecrated wine, “the blood of Christ.”

The reason for reminding you of this, is because of another factor. The new rules encourage that only enough hosts be consecrated for use at a particular mass, with a few held for distribution to the sick. This practice emphasizes the relationship of the consecration, itself, to the body of Christ you receive during communion. So if for some wild reason, we have an insufficient number of consecrated hosts, we want you to realize that the consecrated wine is both the Precious Blood and the Body of Christ and can be received by itself, without previously consuming the consecrated host.

Finally, a couple of other reminders about receiving communion. If you follow the instruction: “take and eat,” you’re encouraged not to reach out and grab the host. But rather, you should hold out your hands, with one below the other, depending on whether you’re right- or left-handed, so that the priest, deacon or extraordinary minister of holy communion can place the body of Christ in one hand and you, yourself, can transfer it to your mouth with your other hand.

You should consume the host immediately; and not walk away with it in your hand. To show your reverence for the body of Christ, or for the Precious Blood, you should bow your head immediately before receiving the host or the cup and say “Amen” in response to the words “the body of Christ” and “the blood of Christ” … remembering that the Hebrew word “Amen” means “I believe.

Finally, some may want to use the old method of intinction, that is, inserting the host into the cup and consuming the consecrated host and Precious Blood at the same time. If you wish to receive in this manner, the new rules say you must give the host to the priest, deacon or extraordinary minister of holy communion, who will intinct the host and place it directly on your tongue. You are not to intinct the host yourself.

If I may, there is also a comment for those who wish to receive the body of Christ directly on the tongue, the way it was done when I was a child. Back then, the good sisters and the priests gave us the firm instruction that this is the time, the only time, when we should stick out our tongue! It was not enough just to open our mouths, no matter how wide we opened them. The priest had to place the host on my tongue easily, without searching for it!

Over the coming weeks, there may be other changes as well. For example, when to stand or knell. (Use hand motions to demonstrate.) So yes, be prepared to experience several changes in how we celebrate the mass, beginning now, in October, the month John Paul II has dedicated for the opening of a special “Year of the Eucharist.”

But with time, these new actions will become part of our lives and this is still what our actions and our faith are really all about: becoming an intimate part of our Christian lives. I began by speaking about faith and trust. This is still my focus: faith and trust that in my communion, I receive the true body and blood of Christ, who is with me always, so that I may continue in a faithful, trusting relationship with him, forever. Amen!

Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 3, 2004
Habakkuk 1:2-3;2:2-4; 2 Timothy 1:6-8,13-14; Luke 17:5-10

Persistence

Today I’m back to strange questions. However, this one may be easy for Latin scholars, or if there aren’t too many of you around, then perhaps for those of you who like movies such as “The Gladiators” or “Spartacus.” Actually, my question has two parts: first of all: What is meant by the letters “S…P…Q…R?” And secondly, where would you find them? SPQR?

Well if you took Latin or if you’ve watched a lot of so-called “spaghetti westerns,” you might recall that “SPQR” stands for “Senátus Populusque Romanus.” It means: “the Senate and People of Rome.” These letters were seen on the standards that lead the Roman legions into battle as they conquered the ancient world. Battle standards, and later battle flags, were a very important part of warfare in ancient times. Perhaps they still are, unfortunately.

I raise the question about the Roman “SPQR,” since we heard about another battle standard in our first reading for today. We heard, a few minutes ago, about a battle between the Israelites and their enemies. We heard how the Israelite general, Joshua, led them into battle. And how, the Israelites needed their own battle standard. But since they could not make an image of the Lord God to show that he was with them in battle, they relied on the appearance of his prophet Moses.

Moses stood there on the hill where everyone could see him. In his outstretched hand, he held the staff that had led them out of Egypt:
● the staff that had once turned into serpents which devoured the other snakes brought forth by pharaoh’s magicians,
● the staff Moses had used to part the Red Sea at the beginning of their long Exodus to the promised land,
● the staff he used to strike the rock which then poured forth water in the desert.

But Moses became tired holding his arms outstretched. Yet he could not let them drop. For when he did, the Israelites began to lose. It was only when he kept his arms up, that his people could see that God was, indeed, with them and that they could defeat their enemy. So Moses enlisted the help of his brother, Aaron, and Hur, another leader. They stood beside Moses and helped to support his arms throughout the battle, which the Israelites finally won.

For the Israelites, Moses, with his outstretched arms, was a sign of the persistent presence of the Lord God. Moses, too, was persistent, although he had help in his persistence, as perhaps, many of us need the help of others in our own persistence.

Our gospel story, of course, also speaks of persistence. A few minutes ago, we heard Jesus tell a story to his disciples about a persistent widow, whose petitions are granted because she is so persistent. How her case is refused to be heard by a dishonest judge
● a judge who does not fear God, himself,
● a judge who does not respect any other human being,
● a judge who has no sense of shame, no sense of what is right or wrong.

Now our widow had several options. First of all, she could have forgotten about her rights and merely walked away. She could have ceased looking for justice. Or since the judge was dishonest, perhaps she could have tried to bribe him, to pay him for granting to her what she rightfully deserved. But, instead, what did she do? She persisted.

Now she may have done things that, if she tried to do them today, she would be charged with public harassment. But regardless of what she may have done, her persistence paid off and the judge rendered a just decision for her.

A “just” decision, it says. So he did not rule in her favor only because she kept after him. No, she obtained the decision that she truly deserved but in a case that the dishonest judge had been reluctant to hear and act upon.

And why did Jesus tell his disciples such a story? We heard the reason at the beginning of Luke’s account of it, when Luke wrote: “Jesus told his disciples a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary.”

At the conclusion of his parable, Jesus, himself, pointed out: if a dishonest judge will grant a widow’s petition “… will not God … [who unconditionally loves the petitioner, grant] … the rights … [of those who pray to him?]”

Yes, today’s readings focus on persistence – persistence in prayer, persistence in seeking God’s help. But of equal importance, today’s readings call us to be people of faith. Prayer and faith are joined together in our calling as followers of Christ.

One of the major questions we often ask when we pray is: why does it appear that my prayers are not answered? Why do bad things continue to persist, even when I, myself, persist in my prayers? The question is not new. It goes back to the days of Job. You remember that story, too, don’t you?
● how Job, a righteous man who committed no sins against God, nevertheless, suffered the loss of his family, his possessions, his health.
● how his friends said he must have done something wrong to deserve God’s punishment.
● how in response to Job’s suffering, God, himself, appeared to Job: not to defend the actions of God, not to answer why the calamities befell Job but rather:
… to allow Job to experience the mystery of God’s very presence,
… to allow Job to experience his own faith and trust in God, and
… to remind Job that faith dissolves doubts; it does not necessarily diminish desolation.

Prayer allows us to experience God – not necessarily to be rewarded by God. Prayer leads to an understanding that God is with us: even in adversity, even as God was with the Israelites in their battles, even as God was with Job in his calamities.

In the letter Saint Paul wrote to Timothy, that we heard today, Paul said: “Be persistent whether it is convenient or inconvenient.” He also said: “remain faithful to what you have learned and believed.”

This particular Sunday we are urged by pope John Paul II to not only remain faithful but also to go out in faith, to go out to others throughout the world. Long before September 11, this weekend was dedicated as “Mission Sunday:” a time to offer particular support for the “Society for the Propagation of Faith.” A time to recall that “propagation” means to plant the seeds, to cultivate and nurture what has been sown, and to reap the harvest.

We are, once more, asked to help others through our missionary work 1
● in the direct missionary work of our CGS youth who go to Arteaga.
● by those in our parish who minister at the Bridges Apartments.
● or those who give their time and efforts to the Interfaith Hospitality Network or to Northwest Assistance Ministries.

This weekend we are also encouraged to support worldwide missionary work through our contributions for today’s collection for the Society for the Propagation of Faith. Propagation of faith means working for justice, for the rights of others, rights that we take for granted for ourselves.

The widow in today’s gospel persisted in her cries for justice for herself. Moses persisted, with the help of Aaron and Hur, to be a sign of God’s presence with his chosen people. We too are called to be persistent in our prayers:
● we are called to acknowledge that God remains with us in times of adversity;
● we are called to be a sign of God’s presence in the world

The ancient Romans were led into battle by a sign bearing the letters SPQR. The Israelites were led into battle by Moses with arms outstretched. We, too, are to continue in our own personal and community struggles led by a man who also stretched out his arms, stretched them out on a wooden cross. A man who persisted beyond all others. A man who gave himself so that others might have eternal life with God. A man who becomes Eucharist – Eucharist to be shared with us as we share his love and our service with all peoples of the world.

Twenty-ninth Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 21, 2001 (Mission Sunday)
Ex 17:8-13; 2 Tim 3:14-4:2; Lk 18:1-8

  1. Arteaga is a town in Mexico to which our high school students are sent for a week of providing assistance. The Bridges Apartments is a place for local housing of low-income residents. The Interfaith Hospitality Network consists of local churches and synagogues who take in, on a weekly rotating basis, the homeless. Northwest Assistance Ministries (NAM) affords low-cost items and financial help to the marginalized in the FM 1960 community

Sinner

Today’s question calls for a bit of imagination. The question is this: What image comes into your mind when you think of “justice”? For most of us, I would guess that it’s a woman in long robes, wearing a blind-fold and holding up a set of scales. Some of us, when we think of a scale, picture the one at the deli counter in the supermarket, the one that gives us a digital read-out of the weight and cost of our luncheon meat. The scales of justice aren’t like that. They are the balance kind, where you put weights on one side to even-out the pans.

This image of blind-folded justice, with her balance scales, leads me to the focus for today’s homily which has these four elements: justice, mercy, being a sinner, and balancing. But, as usual, let’s begin with a closer look at today’s Gospel Reading.

Today’s reading is about three individuals: a pharisee, a tax-collector and their God. We need to look at all three. First of all: the pharisee. I’ve described a pharisee before. But to remind you, in case you’ve forgotten, a pharisee was a member of the upper middle-class who wanted to worship God in the right way. And the “right way” consisted of following, as exactly as possible, all 613 rules derived from the Torah, the Law. To be a pharisee, you had to be as pure as possible.

You did what the law required, or better yet, what the law demanded. And if you did even more, you would be rewarded even more. If you fasted twice a week, you were better than someone who fasted only once a week, or who didn’t fast at all. And if you paid to the temple one-tenth of everything you really owned, instead of what you might say you owned, you were certainly better than the man who cheated God by underestimating his share. Many of us probably know several modern-day pharisees. We may even know one of them very well.

And what about the tax-collector? What sort of person was he? For one thing, he was a social outcast. Why? Because he was a Jew who worked for the Romans. His apparent loyalty was to Caesar and not to his God. He collected money from his countrymen and kept part of it as his salary and turned the rest over to the authorities. Most people thought he probably kept more of it than he should have. Otherwise, why did the Romans always seem to be saying they needed more taxes? Probably because the tax collector was skimming more off the top than he should have.

So here we have today’s story, where the pharisee and the tax collector went to the temple to pray. Now the Jews who heard Jesus’ story weren’t at all surprised at what he said when he began his parable. They expected that a pharisee might go each morning and each afternoon to pray in the temple. This is what was expected of a religious man. And the pharisee was recognized by his fellow Jews to be a very religious man, one who had every right to stand with his head unbowed in a prominent place and shout out his thanksgiving to God: “Hey, I’m not like anyone else. I’m a lot better than anyone else. And that little guy, back there. The one who demands my hard-earned money and gives it to the Romans. He really is a sinner. I’m not like him. Not at all.”

Maybe this seems like a strange prayer. But it’s one we may have heard first-hand from people we know. Maybe from someone we know very well and agree with. After all, those fellow Jews who heard Jesus tell his story, agreed with what both the pharisee and the tax collector said. And what did they hear the tax collector say? “I am a sinner.” Everyone who heard Jesus’ story would agree with that statement. In their eyes, the tax collector is a sinner.

A sinner. What’s a sin? The Jewish concept of sin is a very interesting one. The word they used has been translated by scholars to mean something like: “to miss the mark. to fall short of a goal.” And from that meaning, comes the concept that to sin, is to fail. To fail big time. It’s in this way that each one of us is a sinner. Each one of us has failed, “big time”, in our goals, in the promises we have made to our self, to others and to our God.

And what happens when we fail, when we have missed our goal, broken our promise? When we are out of balance? When we recognize that we have sinned, we try to bring things back into balance. Which is why I began with justice and the scales of justice.

For you see, in order to deal out justice, a judge balances the facts of the case. Justice is not “punishment” so much as it is “correction.” Correction that must be done to bring the person and society back into a “right balance.” Justice is seeing and doing the right thing to correct a situation which is out of balance, which is wrong. If this were a homily on social justice, I would remind us of the words of Paul VI: “Those who seek peace must work for justice.”

But today’s Gospel Reading includes the words of the tax collector: “O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Mercy. Justice and mercy. As justice is seeing and doing the right thing in order to bring about a balance, mercy is seeing and doing the right thing; but at the same time, being gracious and forgiving, without having an obligation to be gracious and forgiving.

Last week we heard the parable which immediately precedes today’s Gospel Reading from Luke. Last week we heard about a prayer and justice being given by a judge, not out of a sense of mercy but because it was expedient for him to render a decision. This week we hear the other part of Luke’s story about prayer, about a prayer for God’s mercy for us sinners.

For some, justice is “merited.” For some, God’s love is “merited.” They say: “I’ve done everything God asked of me, and for this reason I merit my reward in heaven.” But others are able to say: “I have tried, but I know I’ve failed. I pray that God who knows when I try and fail, looks into my heart and sees what is inside of me and not just my external actions when balancing the scales of my life on earth and in his kingdom.”

For the Christian, the image of justice is not someone who is blind-folded, but rather, one who can look deeply into each heart and soul. And this means that Christians seek this quality not only in our God, but also in ourselves, in each one of us.

I need to be able to look at myself without wearing a blindfold. I need to recall that Luke says today’s parable was “addressed to those who believed in their own self-righteousness.” Nowhere in today’s reading is the pharisee condemned for doing the right thing. He was not told that he should stop praying or being faithful, stop fasting or contributing to the temple. He was taken to task for exalting himself, for being smug about his accomplishments, for not seeing that there was still room for improvement.

On the other hand, the tax collector admitted that he had his failings. He was probably a good tax collector and had retained only the money he was supposed to; but he had fallen short of his spiritual goals. His life needed to be balanced.

Each of us is called to examine our life and, in this examination, not to become self-righteous. For some, this examination is difficult. In our modern culture with its emphasis on psychology, we are repeatedly told that our problems come from a negative self-image, one in which we see only the bad things about us. Unfortunately, we then believe that the opposite of a “negative” self-image is a “positive” in which we should see only the good and wonderful about us. It’s from this attitude of looking at only the good and wonderful parts of us that we become smug and self-righteous.

Instead, what is really called for is an image of true justice, of looking into our selves and seeking an internal balance. Of recognizing our failings, our shortcomings – our sinfulness – and trying to balance them with needed changes.

A sinner is not an evil person. An evil person justifies any harm he does in terms of that harm being good and being worthy of continuation. Evil people have no desire to balance the actions of their lives. They are content in being out of balance. A sinner, however, recognizes that there are failings which need to be addressed and changed. A sinner seeks reconciliation: a balance with self, others and God.

Many of us recall that ancient formula: “Bless me father, for I have sinned.” In this request, we do not ask for a blessing because we have sinned and want to be excused for what we have done. Nor do we say it in order to have our actions condoned so we can go on sinning. Rather we ask for a blessing, for God’s help to recognize our failures and to help bring our lives back into balance. It is with great trust in God’s love, that each of us can pray and know that our prayer will be answered: “O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.”

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 25, 1992
Sir 35: 12-14, 16-18; 2 Tim 4:6-8, 16-18; Lk 18:9-14

Jesus Prayer

The question for today is an easy one: what time is it?

[This afternoon should be easier than tomorrow. Remember that old saying “spring forward, fall back.” Tonight is the time to change from Daylight Savings Time to Central Standard Time. Have you ever marveled at the audacity that mankind has taken upon itself to control time? We can say that today at this time, it’s 5:45; but tomorrow, it’s 4:45]

[Since you are all here for the 7:30 (9:00, 10:45, 12:30) mass you must have remembered that old saying: “spring forward, fall back” and changed your clocks from Daylight Savings to Central Standard time. Have you ever marveled at the audacity that mankind has taken upon itself to control time? We can say that today at this time, it’s 7:45, but yesterday it was 8:45. (9:45/10:45; 11:00/noon; 12:45/1:45)]

I find it fascinating how humanity tries to control time – time which is a gift of God that we can neither create nor destroy, but only use wisely or unwisely. In a way, today’s gospel message holds a similar fascination. Today we heard a story about a man who thought he was able to control God’s gifts to him, a man who thought, by his own actions, he could merit God’s gifts. We heard the story of the pharisee who proclaimed out loud: “I’m not like common people, I’m special.” A man of wealth and prestige who went to the temple in Jerusalem and said to God: I speak to you as an equal, with head unbowed.

We heard his prayer in which he declared to God: “I am better than others; I do more for you than others do. What I get in life is what I deserve because I’m so good. I am an upright man, a completely moral man, a righteous man.” Yet in telling the story, Jesus said the pharisee was self-righteous; a man who claimed to be self-made, complete unto himself, within himself; but that there was another man in the temple who was, indeed, “justified with God.”

We heard about the prayer of the tax-collector who whispered: “O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Here was a man viewed by others as an enemy of the Jewish people who said to his God: “I do not merit what I have been given. All I have is a result of your mercy.” Mercy – God’s free gift to me that is not dependent on my deserving it. Here was a person who recognizes: I do try to do what God wants. I do come to the temple to pray. But what I receive is what God grants, even when I don’t deserve them. The tax collector does not maintain he, himself, was righteous. But Jesus in telling the story said that the man was justified. And what does it mean to be “justified?”

Although there are several theological definitions, “justification” might just as easily be understood in our modern day by thinking about word processors – or even old-fashioned typewriters. In every good word processing program there is a command for “justification.” And what does it do? It aligns a line of type the way it should be: either to the right or to the left, or to “full” justification, if you want each line to go all the way from the left of the page to the right.

Looking at it this way, the tax collector was “fully justified.” He was aligned exactly the correct way with God. He began where he should and he ended exactly where he should. He was “right” with God. However, today’s Gospel Reading, and the other readings we heard, speak more than about righteousness and justification. They also present a message about prayer and our encounter with God.

Part IV of the “Catechism of the Catholic Church” is entirely about prayer. If you haven’t read this section yet, I would highly recommend it to you. Part IV begins with a quote from St John Damascene, a sixth century monk and preacher, who wrote: “Prayer is the raising of one’s mind and heart to God or the requesting of good things from God.”

The Catechism goes on to say that: “…prayer is the encounter of God’s thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him.” And finally, the Introduction to Prayer in the Catechism concludes with: “… the life of prayer is the habit of being in the presence of the thrice-holy God and in communion with him.”

“… in communion with him.” “Communion with him” includes:
● our speaking to him,
● his listening to us.
● his speaking to us.
● our listening to him.

We each speak; we each listen. But sometimes, we wonder whether God really listens. When we have those doubts, it may be good for us to recall the words from our First Reading from the book of Sirach. “The lord is a God of justice, who knows no favorites. Though not unduly partial toward the weak, yet he hears the cry of the oppressed. He is not deaf to the wail of the orphan, nor to the widow when she pours our her complaint. He who serves God willingly is heard; his petition reaches the heavens. The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal, nor will it withdraw till the most high responds, judges justly and affirms the right.”

God shows no favorites; God listens to everyone. God listens to the oppressed, those besieged by problems: economic downturns, family problems, personal problems. God listens to those who feel that life and their world is crushing down upon them.

God listens to the orphaned, those who are not only the parentless, for the “orphaned” include all those who feel alone and abandoned: the teenager and the elderly, those who believe they have no friends or loved ones, those who are cut off from others by drug or alcohol abuse. God listens to those who feel that they are separated from life and the world around them.

God listens to the widowed, those who not only have lost a spouse, but also those who have been deprived of support: the homeless, the marginalized, those who are ill and lack comfort. God listens to those who feel that life and the world hold no more meaning for them.

Prayer – being in the presence and in communion with God – is possible for all of these people. God listens and responds to those
● who believe the world is crushing them.
● who believe the world is cut off from them.
● who believe the world has no meaning for them.

Paul in his letter to Timothy knew about such feelings: how he felt that everyone had abandoned him in his hour of need, yet he wrote: “…the Lord stood by my side and gave me strength … I was saved from the lion’s jaws. The Lord will continue to rescue me from all attempts to do me harm and will bring me safe to his heavenly kingdom.”

His heavenly kingdom, a kingdom which exists here and now. A kingdom of sinners, those who recognize that each one of us is capable of doing those things which we know we should not do. Yet we can acknowledge that, although we are sinners, we can change. We recognize that, if mankind can change the hour on the clock, we can also change the hour of our life and be in the presence of God and in communion with God.

We may have accomplished everything the pharisee has accomplished. With him, we can say we are not “grasping, crooked, adulterous,” that we honor God and give to others. Yet we realize that through our actions, we neither merit nor earn God’s gifts to us. Rather we are called to acknowledge that God is God and, although we have our failings and are sinners, God still listens to our prayers.

There are many ways to pray. One of the oldest goes back to this story of the pharisee and the tax collector. It is known as the “Jesus Prayer.” This prayer was taught by the desert fathers, those who withdrew from society to pray, alone in the deserts in the first centuries of Christianity.

The words and actions for this prayer are simple. They are repeated over and over again, like a mantra; either whispered softly or recited privately, inside of one’s head and heart, over and over. The words are: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Often, they are said with an inhalation of breath with the phrase: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God” – to signify our drawing in of the life of God; and an exhalation with “…have mercy on me, a sinner” – to signify that we give up those things, those events and actions, those sins which separate us from God.

And so as we begin this new secular time, this change from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time, I would invite you to continue your change in the reverse direction for your spiritual time. Let us change from “standard” prayer to “savings” prayer. And I would invite you to try out the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God … Have mercy on me, a sinner.”

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 30, 1993 (Time Change)
Sir 35: 12-14, 16-18; 2 Tim 4:6-8, 16-18; Lk 18:9-14

Righteous

Today’s question may not be for everyone. Maybe it’s not even for anyone here but only for certain other people you know. In fact, today’s question is one you need not answer immediately. You may want to think about it during the next days or weeks. It’s a question which might to be considered by the same people to whom the parable in today’s gospel was addressed.

In the translation we heard today, the gospel of Luke states: “Jesus addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.” The Lectionary we previously used, said: “Jesus spoke this parable addressed to those who believed in their own self-righteousness while holding everyone else in contempt.”

“Self-righteousness:” my dictionary defines “self-righteous” with these words: “Confident of one’s own righteousness, especially when smugly moralistic and intolerant of the opinions and behaviors of others.” The synonyms it lists are: “sanctimonious” and “pharisaical,” acting like a pharisee. It would appear that someone who is self-righteous is a person who believes that he has never made a mistake; there are no errors in any of his actions. A person who has never sinned, whose every action is entirely correct.

Well, today’s question is this: What does it mean to be truly “righteous,” truly “just?” What is the meaning of “justice”? Again the dictionary gives synonyms for “just:” such as “fair … unbiased … impartial … and truthful.” It also lists: “deserved” and “merited”

Many of us, if asked to think of an image of “justice,” would see in our mind’s eye, a woman in long robes, wearing a blind-fold and holding up a set of scales. Scales consisting not of a digital read-out like the ones at the deli counter but a balance in which weights are placed on both sides. For justice, the weights we add are the “rights” and “wrongs” of our life. The “good” and the “not-good” of our life.

Like the pharisee, we could add to our scales all of the good things we remember. How we are not like other people who are “greedy, dishonest, adulterous;” how we are not like those around us, those who collaborate with our enemies, those who bring hardship and even death to our people while claiming to be one of us. Publicans. Tax-collectors.

Or, like the tax-collector in today’s parable, we could place on our scales nothing which is positive; no memories of our contributions towards life, itself. But if our reflection ends here, with the boasting pharisee and the beaten-down tax-collector, we may have missed the point of the story – a story not about “scales of justice” held by a blind statue but rather a story about prayer – prayer to an Abba-God who exhibits not only justice but also mercy.

For some of us, justice equals punishment. We see the scales of justice and fail to see them as balances. Justice is not “punishment” so much as it is “correction.” Correction which must be done to bring the person back into a “right balance” with God and society. Justice is seeing and doing the right thing to correct a situation which is out of balance.

For some of us, justice is “merited” or earned by what we do or fail to do. They also view God’s love as being “merited” or earned by what they do or fail to do. Like the pharisee, they say: “I’ve done everything God has asked of me, and for this reason, I merit my reward in heaven.”

Others, like the tax-collector, say: “I have tried, but I know I’ve failed. I am a sinner. I pray that God who knows when I try and fail, looks into my heart and sees what is inside of me and not just my external actions, when balancing the scales of my life on earth and in his kingdom.”

A sinner is not an evil person. An evil person justifies any harm he does in terms of that harm being “good” and being worthy of continuation. Evil people have no desire to balance the actions of their lives. They are content in their excesses, in being out of balance. A sinner, however, recognizes that there are failings which need to be addressed and changed. A sinner seeks reconciliation, a balance with self, others, and God.

Many of us recall that ancient prayer: “Bless me father, for I have sinned.” In this prayer we do not ask for a blessing because we have sinned and want to be excused for what we have done. Nor do we say it in order to have our actions condoned so we can go on sinning. Rather we ask for a blessing, we ask for God’s help, to recognize our failures and to help bring our lives back into balance. It is with great trust in God’s love and mercy, that each of us can pray and know that our prayer will be answered when we say, as did the tax-collector, “O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 24, 2004
Sir 35: 12-14, 16-18; 2 Tim 4:6-8, 16-18; Lk 18:9-14

Seeking

This weekend we celebrate a major holiday designed for kids – whether they are mere toddlers or parents who, remembering their own childhood, want to remain “young-at-heart.” Every year on the evening before All Saints Day, these parents help their kids go out in search of candy. They seek “treats: and recall the time when a lack of a good treat might turn into a trick.

This secular holiday of Halloween leads me to my question for today. It’s a question about children … and about parents. It’s this: what is the very first game that parents play with their children?

I have no factual reference for the answer. But it seems to me, that the very first game parents play with their babies is: “peek-a-boo.” Peek-a-boo … that game where adults hide their faces from the little ones in hope that the child will laugh and smile when mom or dad’s face suddenly is seen again. This first game, I think, probably leads to what might be the first major, true game played by children. How many of you, as a youngster, played the game of “hide-and-seek?” It’s a game that is probably found around the world; a game that started thousands of years ago.

As usual, my questions may be a puzzle to some of you. But I bet that some of you may have already made a connection between “hide-and-seek” and today’s gospel reading … which has much to do with hiding and seeking … and even more with seeing and finding.

Today we heard how a man by the name of Zacchaeus “… was seeking to see who Jesus was, but he could not see him because of the crowd.” We then learned that Zacchaeus was very short and had to climb a tree in order to see Jesus. What happened next?

Jesus looked up into the tree and saw Zacchaeus. The Lord and Master whom Zacchaeus wanted to see, was seen by him. The man seeking Jesus was asked to invite him into his home that evening. And what did the crowds see and do?

Today’s reading says: When [the crowds] saw this, they began to grumble, saying “He has gone to stay at the house of a sinner.” The crowds saw a man they despised because of the work he did – the work of a tax collector in collaboration with the Roman occupiers. A man who took their money on behalf of the state and who probably kept a large part of it for his own use.

And what did Zacchaeus say? “Behold, [look here, see] … half of my possessions, Lord, I shall give to the poor, and if I have extorted anything from anyone, I shall repay it four times over.” In reply, Jesus said: “Today salvation has come to this house … For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.”

Yes, today’s gospel reading has much to say about “hiding” and “seeking”, about “seeing” and “finding.” Little Zacchaeus … “was seeking to see who Jesus was, but he could not see him because of the crowd.” Yes, he could not see Jesus “because of the crowd.” The real question to ponder today is: Do we seek Jesus but fail to see him because of the crowd standing between us?

And what is this crowd? Is it a mere gathering of people … or is it all of the “things” that stand between me and him?
● All of my secular concerns.
● All of my worldly desires.
● All of my own lack of self-esteem.
● All of my self-seen failures.
● All of my fears.
● All of my sins.

The Book of Wisdom, we heard in our first reading, reminds us that: “Before the Lord the whole universe …[is no more than] a drop of morning dew come down upon the earth.” Nevertheless, as insignificant as the entire universe might be, each of us is important in the eyes of the Lord. In addressing the Lord, the Book of Wisdom goes on to say: “For you love all things that are – and loathe nothing you have made, for what you hated, you would not have fashioned.”

In modern terms, we are reminded: “God does not make junk!” None of us are junk. We are the beloved children of God. So, just what is it that separates us from him? We seek him but do not see him. What must we do so that we can see him? What must I do to overcome the crowd of events which separate the two of us? What tree must I climb? What risks must I take? Just how far out on the limb must I go before I can see Jesus?

Fortunately, the work is not all mine to do alone. Once Zacchaeus undertook his risk to see Jesus, to find him … Jesus, himself, immediately saw Zacchaeus. Jesus found the one who was seeking him. Jesus, himself, desired that this man might invite him into his own house.

Jesus desires the same response from us … to be invited into our homes, into our hearts. He offers us the treats, the sweetness of the kingdom, itself. He has no “tricks” to give us in lieu of his love. Rather, in the concluding words of today’s gospel: “… the Son of Man has come to seek and to save what was lost.”

Yes, at times we may return to our childhood and play hide-and-seek with God. Rather than climbing the tree to see him more clearly, we hide behind it and wonder if God will find us. But there are also the times for peek-a-boo with him. Times for us to laugh and smile when we behold the suddenly revealed face of God.

31st Sunday in Ordinary Time; October 31, 2010 (Halloween)
Wis 11:22-12:2; 2 Thess 1:11-2:2; Lk 19:1-10

All Souls

For the past eleven-hundred years the church on the first two days of November has remembered all those who have died in our Christian faith. We continue that tradition here at Good Shepherd by inscribing in our Book of Life the names of our beloved ones who have died, especially those who have gone home to the Father during this last year and whom we remember in a special way this month. Officially the liturgies this Sunday are to celebrate All Souls Day which occurs each November 2nd. The feast of All Saints, or All Hallows is, of course, November 1st.

For the thousand members of Christ the Good Shepherd who have been actively involved in our Renew Program, this is the fourth week of Renew. The focus of the small-group discussion this week is to be on justice and injustice. So somehow in the next few minutes, I need to tie together All Saints Day, All Souls Day, and the Renew theme of justice and injustice, along with today’s readings. To attempt to do this, I’ve combined all of these themes under one question: what is the relationship of justice with preparedness and with mercy? There are four keywords for today: justice, preparedness, mercy and light.

To begin with, we need to take a closer look at justice, and injustice, especially as we see them in our gospel story. In doing that, we need to take another look at the story itself. Let’s begin with those ten young girls who were servants in the bridegroom’s house. They had been preparing for the wedding celebration for quite a long time. And tonight was the big night. The groom had gone off to the bride’s home for the wedding ceremony, itself, and then he would bring her to his home for the celebration which would last for several days.

It’s early evening, about dusk. The ten girls gather in the entrance room of the villa to wait for the groom, their master, and his new wife. They don’t go out into the street. It gets cold after dark. It’s dangerous out there. So, they huddle down on the cushioned seats around the walls, the seats where clients wait when they come to visit their master. For a while they chat about the party which will begin that evening. But as they wait, they get drowsy. It’s been a hard week, getting ready for the wedding celebration. They all knew their master would get home late; but it’s later than some might have guessed. They fall asleep.

Suddenly, the outside guard cries out that the wedding party can be heard down the road. It’s time for the ten young girls to take their lamps and hurry outside to greet their master and their new mistress. It’s dark and they don’t want their master to stumble, especially as he crosses the threshold with his new wife. Their lamps are important to his welfare. That’s why they had them ready. Except for five of the girls.

These five were known for years as the “foolish ones.” They were never ready for anything. When they saw their own oil lamps begin to sputter out, they asked the other five for more oil. You recall the rest of the story: the five are told to go off to their local 7-11 and buy more oil. They do but get back too late. They never seem to be on time. And their master refuses to let them in, even when they bang on the solidly locked doors.

That’s the parable. There might be two main questions we could raise about it: what does this story have to say about our treatment of others? What does this story have to say about us and the kingdom of God? When we hear this parable now in 1986, especially on this fourth Sunday in Renew, the question we each might ask is: were the five with oil acting “justly” when they refused to share their oil with the other five?

To get a contemporary view on this parable, we might take a look at some people in our own lives who are like the five so-called “foolish” bridesmaids. It’s important, first of all, to realize that they were known to be foolish, not because they didn’t have enough oil that one evening but because they were habitually unprepared. For a moment I’d invite you to think about some ‘foolish” people you know.

For those of you who are still in school, what about those fellow students who never have their homework? Once more they show up on Monday morning without it. Should you allow them to copy yours? Or how about the friend who never has change for a coke, should you always buy her one? Or what about the man who doesn’t ever have his part of a group project done by the deadline, should you cover for him again with your boss?

Perhaps in thinking about our own response to these people who are habitually unprepared, we can take a clue form the five bridesmaids who had enough oil for their own use. The five “sensible” bridesmaids did not lecture or scold the five “foolish” ones. They did not be-little them. Instead, they suggested a positive alternative to put the responsibility right back where it belonged. The five sensible ones urged the other five to go and buy some more oil. It was not an unreasonable suggestion: the five did manage to find an all-night oil dealer and get back. In my opinion, the five sensible young girls did not treat the five foolish ones unjustly. I believe they exhibited justice with the five who habitually were never prepared.

I would offer, for your reflection three definitions.
● First: injustice, which is treating a person in a way that is not merited by that person’s action but on the basis of unmerited conditions.
● Second: justice, which is treating a person exactly on the basis of his merits. To reward or punish someone in proportion to his actions, to give him exactly what he deserves.
● But there is a third word we must look at: mercy. Mercy, which is to treat someone with forgiveness, to treat a person better than he or she deserves or merits. On this basis, the five sensible bridesmaids treated the five foolish ones with justice but not with mercy.

When we hear this parable today, we tend to focus on the questions of justice and of sharing. But when Matthew wrote about this story which Jesus told, it was not about sharing or about justice that their audience was thinking. That audience of nineteen-hundred years ago would immediately have focused on the other question this story raises: upon the kingdom of God and the need for individual preparedness at all times.

In our modern society we tend not to concentrate on our need for preparedness to join the wedding feast of God’s kingdom but rather, we rely on a God of love and mercy who will open the door for everyone. He will not leave us knocking on the locked door, but will open the gates even before we knock. Without in any way minimizing our belief in a God of mercy, I think the church does call us this weekend, on the Feast of All Souls, to reflect for a moment on a God of justice who does ask each of us to take an individual responsibility to be prepared.

I said that November 1st is the feast of All Saints and November 2nd is for All Souls. Why two different days? What’s the difference between “all saints” and “all souls?” Yesterday, All Saints Day, was the day set aside to commemorate all those who have died and are completely at home with God. We are all called to be saints and while we won’t have a special day which the church officially sets aside for us, each of us is called to be part of that communion of saints we remember each time we profess our faith.

Although we each are called to return to the Father, there is an ancient belief that those who die in God’s grace may still need a period of purification before their souls can be completely with God. Historically, we thought of the afterlife in terms of physical places, with physical locations: heaven above and hell below. And so we were taught about purgatory as a “place” where souls suffered before going to heaven. If you were in purgatory, you were assured of going to heaven but you had to wait.

Today, we no longer tend to think of heaven or hell or purgatory as physical places. (In fact, if the truth be told, we may not reflect much at all about heaven or hell or purgatory.) Yet, if we don’t look at heaven or hell or purgatory as places, it might be possible for us to look at three different conditions.

Would it not be “heaven” to know absolutely, positively, in every atom of my being that God exists, and I am completely with him? And could there be any suffering greater – or hell more painful – than to know with equal positiveness, with absolute assuredness, that God exists, and I would never be with him? As for purgatory, would that be a condition of knowing that God exists, but I cannot yet be with him but will be at some future time?

In the terms of today’s gospel, would the five foolish girls waiting outside the gate be in purgatory, knowing that the party has started, that it will last forever and that their good, merciful master will open the door the next morning and let them into the feast?

Once more we return to the master – the master who urges each one of us to be prepared. Am I one of the sensible ones or one of the foolish ones? And if I’m one of the foolish ones, what prevents me from being prepared? Why do I wait with a sputtering lamp and no extra supply of oil?

Do I have the attitude that I can’t make a difference; that no matter what I do, it won’t be enough; so why bother? Since I’ll be caught napping, why begin? Do I believe that my light is not needed? Or is it the case that my light must be added to the light of others; that I should not be concerned about standing alone, since I will be standing with others. After all this is a story of ten bridesmaids, not one. How great would have been their welcome to the master if all ten had held high their lamps? How can I realize that my light is important, that I, too, must be prepared to greet him? To be prepared, I need to begin.

To begin to change my attitude or my behavior, I may need to overcome a fear of failure or a fear of the darkness, itself. Sometimes I just worry about the darkness without doing anything about it. I worry about my fear without dealing with it. I allow my lamp to go out and do not try to get more oil for it; let alone try to have sufficient oil before it goes out.

Being prepared is important; yet being prepared is not enough by itself. I must also act. We are called not merely to wait for the groom to come. We are called to join him at the wedding feast. The purpose of our lamp and our oil is not to be held only in readiness; it is to burn brightly, to light the way, to greet him and to be part of the celebration of the wedding feast of the kingdom, the wedding feast which has already begun, and to which each of us is invited.1

All Souls Day; November 2, 1986
Lam 3:17-26; Rom 6:3-9; Mt 25:1-13

  1. It seems that when people provide written comments about homilies, the tendency is to be on the “negative” end of a critique. For example:
    “Pat, you tried too hard! As you stated in your intro, you attempted to combine the readings, the Renew theme & two feast days into one homily. (I don’t know any person on earth who could do that. Jesus – as well as he preached, never sat down & tried to do that!) Consequently, ideas were jumping around & presented, but they didn’t fit together (& really could not, no matter what you did!) There were also several results that I will write to share w/ you only on paper. The main one is that you had to dig & “add to” the Gospel reading a bit to get it to say what you needed to preach on. God’s Word is strong enough to stand on it’s (sic) own – our job as messengers [is] to just to find out what it is saying & discern how it can apply to our lives. The parable was about getting our lives ready for Jesus 2nd coming – being prepared for that event – it was not intended to teach a lesson on justice and mercy. We must make sure we present our interpretations of scripture in the light of their context! Since it did not have exactly what we needed to say on the renew theme, we had to take the story & change it. God tells us in the Book of Revelation that we must not add to or take from His word – in doing that, there is no way we can find the truth & preach on it.
    “Sorry for this sermon, Pat! I care deeply about you & our community, & I know we all long for the truth of god’s word. Let’s keep reading, studying & trying! He’s got lots for us in there!
    “The other result I want to mention is the whole heaven/hell/purgatory thing. That is such an important topic – it really should be preached on by itself, backed up w/ scripture on what God says about them (I do not think there is any scriptural reference to purgatory, however!)”

Brothers

To begin today’s reflection, I have no question for you. Instead, I merely want to say what I think might be a focus for the strange stories we heard in today’s readings. I believe our focus for today’s reflection should be about dedication and commitment. To start: can you put yourself in the position of the younger brothers in our two stories?

Our first reading from the Second Book of Maccabees is a rather gruesome one. Fortunately today’s reading was shortened to take out the gory parts. Nevertheless, can you imagine the anxiety of each succeeding brother, waiting for his turn with the king’s executioners? Although the first one had courage, I really believe that each of the younger ones had to summon up even more courage. And their mother too.

In the second story about another seven brothers, some might find a strange kind of humor: especially if you enjoy reading books by Stephen King. Can you imagine the thoughts of the younger brothers as each one married the widow left by the brother before him?

But what is the point of both tales? I believe they tell us something of the Jewish views on dedication and commitment to the Laws of God. The seven brothers in Maccabees died because they refused to break the Hebrew dietary law on not eating pork. The seven brothers in our gospel story died because they followed the kinship law whereby a man was to marry an older brother’s widow if he died without a son so that children could be raised with the dead man’s name and rights of inheritance.

Fortunately, few of us are called to this kind of dedication and commitment, although there are places in the world, in Latin America and in Africa, where Christians are called upon to die because of their beliefs. For the rest of us, there are different kinds of dedication and commitment. I thought of these other forms of dedication and commitment when I prayed and meditated on today’s readings for this homily.

This weekend, here at Christ the Good Shepherd, there are several public examples of our call to be dedicated and committed members of our faith community. Yesterday morning we celebrated a funeral mass for Joe Hughes who was deeply involved in the life of this parish. Later in the day, we celebrated the 5:30 mass in honor of Mary Ann Malone. Mary Ann was the first staff member at Good Shepherd, almost twelve years ago. Without her, we would have been an entirely different community. Mary Ann is now moving to North Texas with her husband, Terry, who has a new job there. Both Mary Ann and Terry have been examples of dedication and commitment to all of us here; they will be dearly missed.

This morning, we have two other examples of dedication and commitment. At the 10:45 mass, we have the “Rite of Acceptance into the Order of Catechumens” for those who seek Baptism and entrance into our community next Easter and the “Rite of Welcoming” for those who have been baptized and are continuing their journey of faith in expectation of becoming full members of our community at the next Easter Vigil service. These nineteen men and women are individual examples of dedication and commitment.

At the 12:30 mass this afternoon, we will witness still another form of dedication and commitment as we celebrate infant Baptisms during the liturgy. The parents of these children will be making commitments on behalf of their young ones. They will also be dedicating themselves to being Christian mothers and fathers.

There are other examples of dedication and commitment today in Baltimore, Maryland. This morning as they conclude their week-long meeting, the bishops of the United States are gathering for a mass which celebrates the Bicentennial of the American Catholic Church. We don’t often recall our American Catholic heritage. So it would be appropriate, I believe, to reflect for a moment on our history.

Two hundred years ago, Catholics in the newly formed United States were part of a missionary church under the direction of the Catholic bishop located in London. Realizing this situation could not continue, the priests in the U.S. petitioned Rome for something quite out of the ordinary. In the spirit of our new democracy, they wanted to elect a bishop for their new country. The Vatican agreed to this and an assembly of American priests meeting in Rome elected John Carroll as bishop of the diocese of Baltimore, a diocese which incorporated the entire Thirteen States. In a document dated November 6, 1789, pope Pius VI confirmed their election and declared John Carroll as our first bishop.

Today, Catholics in the United States make up the largest Christian denomination in our nation. We have grown in the past two-hundred years from a mere three-thousand to a population in excess of fifty-four-million. Our American Catholic experience speaks of the dedication of not only the clergy in this country but more importantly, it speaks of the commitment of all of the people of God.

Elsewhere in the world we have recently had magnificent examples of what can happen when people are dedicated and committed to the cause of freedom. The people of Poland, Latvia, Lithuania, and Estonia, the people of Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Bulgaria and especially the people of East and West Germany have seen many political walls come tumbling down within the last few weeks and days. On this Veterans Day weekend, we recall those in our own country who have also died for the sake of freedom.

However, each one of us has a personal dedication and commitment. There have been causes to die for, and causes to live for. Today in the United States we are not called upon to die for our faith as were the fourteen brothers in this morning’s readings. However, we are called upon to live for our faith. As Jesus reminded the Sadducees, our God is a God of the living not of the dead.

Just what did Jesus mean when he reminded them about Moses and the burning bush? It was this. God said that he is the God of Abraham, he is the God of Isaac, he “is” the God of Jacob. God did not say that he “was” the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. For God, the patriarchs still exist, they are not dead. It is for this reason that Jesus said that “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living. All are alive for him.

In Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians, he reminded them that “not everyone has faith. The Lord, however, keeps faith, he it is who will strengthen you and guard you against the evil one.” In other words, we are dedicated to God; but what is more important, God is committed to us, to our welfare.

Each one of us needs to determine to what we are dedicated, to what we are committed. When we consider personal areas of dedication or commitment our first thoughts often go to matters of careers. We talk about a person being dedicated or committed to a chosen profession. Others will as readily think about commitments to relationships, to marriage, to family.

Oftentimes, natural disasters lead us to reflect upon such matters as dedication and commitment. In the past month we have had more than our usual share of such events: what with Hugo, the San Francisco earthquake and the Phillips explosion and fire. All of these events have been part of my prayers and thoughts when I began to focus on dedication and commitment for today’s reflection.

Many who live in the quake area had their homes completely destroyed. For others, the damage was so severe that they could not return to their homes. For some, they were allowed to enter the wreckage of their homes for only fifteen minutes, during which they were to gather up life-long possessions and memories, never to return. These people had to examine their life-long dedications and commitments. They needed to look closely at their relationships and their possessions to determine their importance.

When I began this reflection, I did not have a question for you. But so some of you won’t be disappointed, I have one for you now. It’s this: “You have fifteen minutes to take whatever you want from your home; what will it be?” And recall what Jesus said: “Remember, where your treasure is, your heart is also.” And I might add: Where your heart resides, you will find your dedication and your commitment.

Thirty-second Sunday in Ordinary Time; November 12, 1989
2 Mc 7:1-2, 9-14; 2 Thess 2:16-3, 5; Lk 20:27-38

Destruction

Today’s question is for movie buffs or those who watch television. My question is this: What is your favorite way to destroy the world? Or what’s your favorite movie about how the world will end? Hollywood has a variety of options for you to choose from. Meteors and asteroids colliding with the earth were in vogue for a while. Now there seems to be a focus not on things from outer space but rather, global destruction resulting from what we humans have done, or failed to do, regarding our environment. Ice storms and floods seem to be “in” now days.

There are also symbols of destruction to consider. The Statue of Liberty has been big, ever since the making of “The Planet of the Apes.” Of course, besides natural disasters, there is also planetary destruction by alien invaders from space. The ones in “Independence Day” got rid of more monuments than just the Statue of Liberty.

For the Israelites the major symbolic monument has always been the temple in Jerusalem. It had been destroyed several times by invading armies. And each time, the original Temple of Solomon was rebuilt on even a grander scale. In today’s gospel reading, the disciples of Jesus were very impressed by the majesty of the temple in its construction of huge stones and magnificent decorations. But Jesus said that it, too, would be destroyed.

He began with specifics about the temple. After his death and resurrection, as his disciples awaited his return and the end of the physical world as they knew it, they began to interpret his words in a broader sense: as a prediction of the signs portending the destruction of the entire world and not just the Temple of Solomon. Christians, ever since, have been asking the same question: how will it be known when the world will end? In our collective mind, there appears to be the corollary concern: if only we knew when the world will end, we could prepare ourselves for its destruction. It’s not unlike the unstated question many individuals have: if only I knew when I was going to die, I could prepare for it by changing my life just before it happens. In the meantime, it’s business as usual.

The answer given by Jesus to his disciples about the destruction of the temple was simple. Although there will be signs, only God the Father knows the actual time of the event. This specific response has not stopped future Christians from wondering and predicting, themselves, when the world will end. They have done this in each age for the past two thousand years.

Throughout the centuries we have seen the signs given by Christ, who said: “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be powerful earthquakes, famines and plagues from place to place; and awesome sights and mighty signs will come from the sky.” And yet, the final days have not arrived. Thus far, no one has been “left behind.” Nevertheless, we experience the signs. We continue to experience destruction after destruction. So, the question may well be not “when” but rather, “how do we respond to the destructions we experience? How do we live daily with the knowledge that today may be the last day of our lives on this planet – as an individual person or as a people?”

Perhaps one response might be given through an observation of ruined monuments. Have you ever visited the ruins of a great building? In our travels, Karen and I have had the good fortune to see where castles and cathedrals once stood. And as impressive as the ruins might be, or as magnificent as they once were as seen by the eyes of our imagination, I, personally, have found my greatest awe in another sight: in the glimpse of flowers growing among the rocks, sometimes, seemingly, from the very rock itself. What I see is not only the edifice which once soared above me or the present ruins before me but also, and most importantly, the hope, the expectation of new life.

Each of us as individuals, or as members of a particular community or nation, experience destruction in our lives. Radical events happen over which we have no control. We could wish for a prediction of what might occur so we could prepare ourselves for the event that will destroy our previous lives. But we receive no such predictions. All we can do is look for the flowers in the ruins of our lives. All we can do is nurture their growth.

I began a few minutes ago by recalling movies and TV programs about the destruction of the world. Although I can be momentarily entertained by such programs, they are not really my favorites. I, myself, prefer watching “American Dreams” or “Joan of Arcadia.” At present I’m hooked on “Lost.” In these presentations, there is always the potential for harm, for major changes, for destruction. But there is also the potential for hope. For a better tomorrow. With the expectation that each episode will end on a positive note. That life, itself, has meaning.

In our first reading from the book of the prophet Malachi, we heard of the destruction of the world by a blazing fire. However, for those who trust in the Lord God, Malachi said that rather than a blazing consummation, “There will arise the sun of justice with its healing rays.”

In the final line of today’s gospel, we heard the words of Jesus: “By your perseverance you will secure your lives.” Yes, there will be a destruction, a falling apart of what we have and what we want on this earth. Yet, as followers of Jesus the Christ, we also know that with perseverance and hope, we will experience an everlasting life with him. Our ultimate focus is not on the monuments of earth but upon the banquet of heaven.

Thirty-third Sunday in Ordinary time; November 14, 2004
Mal 3:19-20a; 2 Thes 3:7-12; Lk 21:5-19

Kingdom Communion

As you can see by looking around, this is a very special weekend for many of our children.1 In a few minutes they will be receiving the body and blood of Jesus for the very first time. Since this mass is for them, we have even used the readings taken from the Lectionary for Children so that they might have a better chance of understanding what we are hearing about our Lord today.

The readings for this weekend are also for a special day in our church year. Today we celebrate the “Feast of Christ the King.” This celebration marks the end of the church year. Next Sunday is the First Sunday of the Advent season. Four weeks later we’ll celebrate the “Feast of Christmas.” So, today, as you children look forward to receiving your first communion, you are also asked to think about Christ the King and to prepare for the coming of the Christ-Child.

As usual, I have some questions for you. First of all, did you listen to that first reading we heard today? Did you hear how all of the leaders of Israel gathered around David? And who was David? What did he do when he was still a teenager?

Yes, he killed the giant Goliath and saved his people. And later, when King Saul died, David became king of the Israelites. So now, all of his friends gathered around him. And what did they do? They poured olive oil on his head! The reading says that they did this to show that he was now the king of Israel.

Well, what do you think of that? Would you like to have olive oil poured on your head? Well, I know for a fact, that you did have olive oil poured on your head, even if you don’t remember it. Do you know when that was?

Yes, when you were baptized. Right after the water of Baptism was poured on your head, the priest or deacon smeared the top of your head with olive oil. It was holy oil and it was to remind all of your relatives and the friends of your family who were there that day, to remind them that you were baptized as “priest, prophet, and king.”

There’s a fancy word for that kind of pouring of olive oil on your head. We say that you were “anointed.” And there are two other fancy words that mean the same thing. One of them is in Hebrew and the other one is in Greek. Do you know what the Hebrew word for “anointed” is? Yes, it’s “Messiah.” And the Greek word for “anointed” is “Christos” … or “Christ.” So, we say that Jesus is the “Messiah” or the “Christ,” the “anointed one of God.” Or we can call him: Christ the King, the anointed king.

Now then, do you know of any other kings? I bet that when I say “king,” a lot of you immediately think of “Burger King.” And then there is “King Kong.” Or maybe you remember stories about King Arthur. Did you see that movie on TV a couple weeks ago with Whoopie Goldberg? Times do change, because many of your grandparents probably remember the movie version. Back in 1949 there was a movie called “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” that starred Bing Crosby. Father Bill might recall the version with Will Rogers and Maureen O’Sullivan. And no, it wasn’t a silent movie. (1931)

Anyway, King Arthur is more of the kind of king I have in mind. Because at one time in history, kings were very important. They were a lot more important than they are now. Over the years they seem to have gotten a bum rap. Except maybe for King Arthur. Back then, the idea was that the king was to be the major protector of the people. He had to defend his people against attacks from enemies. And when he wasn’t protecting them from outsiders, he was supposed to defend the innocent … or be a friend to the poor. Kings back then were supposed to be the best of all possible leaders.

So when we talk about Christ the King, that’s the kind of king we mean. But in our Gospel Reading we heard about “Christ the King” in a somewhat different way. When the Roman soldiers nailed Jesus to the cross, they made fun of him. Above his head they also nailed a sign that said: “this is the king of the Jews.” And one of the men who was being crucified along side of Jesus insulted him even further by saying: “If you’re really the king of the jews, if you are really the messiah, the anointed one of God, then why don’t you save yourself and us, too?”

But the second criminal hanging on the other cross, he believed that Jesus really was the anointed one and he said to Jesus: “Remember me when you come into your kingdom.” In response, Jesus promised him that they would, indeed, be together in that kingdom that very day.

And you know, Jesus makes that same promise to each one of us. He promises that you, too, will enter into his kingdom. You began that journey into God’s kingdom several years ago. You took the first step at the moment you were baptized, although at the time, you probably weren’t actually walking. Most of you began your journey into the kingdom by being carried to those baptismal waters by your parents.

But now you are being asked to continue that journey with your own steps. You walked into your first reconciliation. Right? And in a few moments, you will step up to this altar and receive your first communion. In a few years, you will also walk before our bishop to receive holy oil a second time, when you are confirmed.

In our First Reading about King David, we also heard how he made an “agreement” with the leaders and how he asked the Lord to be their witness to that agreement. Well, in the Lectionary for adults, that word “agreement” is translated as “covenant,” which is the word for a special kind of agreement that God makes with us. It’s that kind of agreement your mother and father made with one another when they got married. And someday perhaps you, too, will make that covenant agreement with someone you love very much. Or maybe some of you may have another special anointing when oil is poured on your hands and you become a priest.

But there is also another time for pouring olive oil on you. It happens to those who receive the sacrament of the sick as was done here at this altar several weeks ago. And finally, there is the last time that holy oil is used, when it’s part of the final anointing, a time for the sacrament once called “Extreme Unction,” the last anointing.

And so it is that there are many opportunities in your life when you may have olive oil poured on you to remind you that, in Christ and with the Holy Spirit, you have been anointed as “priest, prophet and king” just as David was, just as Jesus was. And each time you will be strengthened, once more, for the journey into God’s kingdom. But you don’t have to wait to receive olive oil in order to be strengthened.

Today, in a few minutes, you will be given the first of many times when you can gain the strength of Jesus. You can be nourished with holy food every day of the week, if you want to. You can get the power of the Holy Spirit every Sunday for the rest of your life, if you want to. All you need to do is to continue to receive communion whenever you can. As Father Bill might say: “you can eat the breakfast of champions every day, if you want to.”

Today, the church throughout the world celebrates the Feast of Christ the King. Today the entire church remembers how Jesus is with us as our protector and leader. However, for many of us, we have another way to remember that Jesus, our Christ, is our protector and our leader. On the last Sunday of the church year, we might call him “Christ the King,” but every day, every time we come to this place to be with him, and to receive him in the Eucharist, in the communion bread and wine, we also recall that we journey with, and are under the protection of, “Christ, the Good Shepherd,” who calls each of you to journey with him in the company of your friends and relatives, as you continue on your way to the kingdom of God.

Thirty-fourth or Last Sunday in Ordinary Time (Christ the King); November 22, 1998
2 Sam 5:1-3; Col 1:12-20; Lk 23:25-43 (Children’s Lectionary)

  1. This is a “children’s” homily, albeit it is really addressed to the adults in the congregation as well. The words, in many cases are “adult” words. However, should children also not be exposed to good, “adult” words? The opening paragraph was modified for the adult-only, early morning liturgy as follows: “This morning’s homily is a little different than what you might normally hear from me on the usual Sunday. This weekend at all of our masses … except for this one at 7:30, many of our children are receiving Communion for the first time. My homily was directed to them. And because I didn’t have the chance to work on two entirely different homilies, you may need to pretend that you are a child again, about to receive your First Holy Communion, which isn’t too bad a memory, I hope. It might even be a very good one: to recapture the excitement of that day.”

Holiday Confusion

How many of you suffer from “Holiday Confusion?” Yes, that’s my question for you. “Holiday Confusion.” What is it? Well, it’s trying to decide just what time of the year it is. What’s the next holiday and what should you be doing to get ready for it? As Americans, we can’t just let it happen. We need to get ready to celebrate. We need to plan. Our lives are all about planning … planning for the future. Whether it’s – whose turn is it to take the kids to soccer practice – to who needs to take the car in for its maintenance schedule? Is there a family who doesn’t have a well-marked calendar hanging on the kitchen wall?

This year “Holiday Confusion” seems to be especially severe. Wasn’t it only last month that you were buying back-to-school clothes? And then, suddenly it was Halloween costumes. And even that was confusing … trying to find them among all of the Christmas decorations the stores put up in mid-October. Why can’t they wait until Thanksgiving … like they did in the good ol’ days … before they string up all those Christmas garlands?

And Thanksgiving. It was a lot earlier this year. And with 80-degree temperatures three or four days ago, who could really believe it was Thanksgiving we celebrated this past week? Maybe that cold front and a 50-degree day or two might help.

Even the liturgy adds to it. Why are we hearing about the Crucifixion in today’s gospel reading? Is it already Easter? What happened to Lent? Are you asking if you fell asleep like Rip van Winkle and several months passed without your knowing it? That’s what I mean by “Holiday Confusion.” Time speeds by much faster than it use to. And we wonder what we missed and what we still need to do.

But I assure you … there are at least 30 shopping days before Christmas. You still have time to go deeper into debt. The stores’ “black” Friday can still become your own “in-the-red” January. So if Christmas is the next major commercial holiday, what about today’s gospel reading with Jesus on the cross?

Well just as stores get ready for commercial holidays, we need time to prepare for the religious holy day … the real reason for the celebration. Next weekend is the first Sunday of Advent … that time when we prepare for the coming of Christ. When we prepare not only for the celebration of his birth some two thousand years ago, but also for his Second Coming at the end of time as we know it … an event which can occur at any moment.

This weekend we celebrate the last Sunday of the Liturgical Year. During November we’ve turned our thoughts and prayers to those who have gone before us. We began the month with the twin feasts of All Saints Day and All Souls Day. We have entered the names of departed loved ones into our Book of Life to help us remember them in our prayers. Today, at the end of November, at the conclusion of the Church’s year, we celebrate the feast of “Our Lord Jesus Christ the King.”

“Christ the King.” This is a strange kind of King we honor this weekend. He may even be a Confusing King. One who is part and parcel of our Holiday Confusion.
● He is a King who was tortured and suffered. One who was put to death as a traitorous criminal. Who died on a cross.
● He is a King who was born into poverty. One whose parents were fugitives from authority and had to immigrate to a foreign land.
● He was a King who could not return to the town of his birth but lived his life as the son of a carpenter in a village miles away from the capital city, the city where a King should dwell.

It was some thirty years later that this King … after wandering the countryside as a preacher … entered that capital city, where he was tried, condemned and died on a cross. It was also in this city, Jerusalem, that he rose from the dead and later ascended, according to some of his followers, into heaven.

Another condemned criminal who hung beside him there on the hill overlooking the city, spoke words of ridicule. However, another condemned companion spoke a request: “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” And the crucified King replied: “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

Indeed, we do have a confusing King to join with our Holiday Confusion. Many of those who followed this King, expected one who was more like King David, the king we heard about in our reading from the First Book of Samuel. Here was the anointed king of Israel who joined the Twelve Tribes into a nation, a people to be dealt with. Instead of being a heroic leader who restored his people to a position of earthly power, this Resurrected King was one described by Saint Paul with the words: “He is [the beloved Son of God, the Father,] in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

Saint Paul went on to proclaim: “He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For in him were created all things in heaven and on earth, the visible and the invisible … He is the head of the body, the church. … “

Today, in a time long removed from the Age of Kings, we may find it difficult to comprehend the reality of today’s feast day: “Our Lord Jesus Christ the King.” We know everything we can about mere human celebrities whether they are movie stars who misbehave … or athletes who receive millions of dollars and squander their fortunes. Yes, our modern kings, our role models, have become tarnished.

In our secular world, our leaders seem to exist more for our amusement and entertainment than for their roles as “models for leadership.” They are ridiculed … not by condemned criminals … but by journalists, comedians and, at times, by the public-at-large.

And yet, there remains with us our one true King, one true Leader, one true Model. We, who are called Christians, continue to follow Christ, the Anointed One of God. We continue to recognize him as “Our Lord.” The one to whom we owe our allegiance, our loyalty and our love.

Here as we complete another liturgical year and are about to enter into a new one, we are reminded to put aside our Holiday Confusion, and to focus on this man who reconciles all things whether those on earth or those in heaven. And so, when each of us speaks the words: “Jesus, remember me,” we can hear his reply and his promise: “You will be with me in Paradise.

Our Lord Jesus Christ the King; November 25, 2007
2 Sam 5:1-3; Col 1:12-20; Lk 23:35-43

Two Eves

This evening we are called upon to reflect on two women who have had more of an influence on humanity than any other woman in the world. Two women who are vastly different, yet who have something very much in common.

Today, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, we celebrate the belief that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was herself, conceived without original sin: that she had a special grace given by God from the moment she was called into being. What we sometimes forget is that Eve – and Adam – had that same gift! Adam and Eve were created without original sin. They were gifted directly with God’s grace. Recall how Genesis says God created them and it was good.

But what happened? What is the difference between Mary and that first woman, Eve? We have two women. Both grace-filled from the moment of their creation. And each one was visited by a divine messenger, an angel. Don’t forget the tradition that Satan, or Lucifer, was a fallen angel. So here we have Eve visited by Satan in the form of a serpent; and Mary being visited by the angel Gabriel. Both women were offered an extraordinary opportunity by their messengers, but with a significantly different outcome.

Consider how Eve was tempted by Satan to become like God; while Mary was invited by Gabriel to become the mother of the Son of God! Upon these two occasions, both women were frightened. Who can blame them!? But how they responded within their fear, makes the difference; for them and for us.

When Eve was asked the question: “Did you do this?” her immediate reaction was denial: “I was tricked! I didn’t want to do it; but I was forced to do it.” The question put to Mary was slightly different: “Will you do this? Will you bear the Son of God?” Her response was far from being a denial when she replied: “I am the servant of the lord. Let it be done to me as you say.”

What do these two women have to say to us this evening? What meaning can be drawn in our lives from theirs? Two women who had the grace of God, a grace like that which we receive through our own baptism. A grace which comes from God and calls us to God. Yet, both Eve and Mary had free will: the ability to deny responsibility and to blame others, as well as the ability to accept responsibility. And that is the difference between their responses to the temptation by Satan and the invitation by Gabriel.

In one case, Eve denied her responsibility and turned away from God. She said “yes” to the temptation. She denied her responsibility by saying “no,” it was not her fault. And by doing that, she turned away from God. Have you ever wondered what might have happened if Eve had said to God, “Yes, Yahweh, I did take the forbidden fruit, but please forgive me.”

Then there is Mary, who accepted her responsibility and turned towards God. On the other hand, what if Mary had said: “No, I will not accept this so-called favor you offer.” Or “Yes, I’ll do it, but only if the throne of David is under my control.”

This is the message I see in today’s readings: each moment I am both tempted and invited. I can either deny or accept. I can blame others for my errors or I can accept my faults and ask for God’s forgiveness. I can either walk away from my God or walk towards him. The choice is mine – and yours. Is today your day to be tempted by Satan or invited by Gabriel?

Immaculate Conception; December 8, 1987
Gn 3:9-15, 20; Eph 1:3-6, 11-12; Lk 1:26-38

The Green Footstool

The first object I can really remember is a green footstool. The four, short, wooden legs were light green, maybe lime-green, not dark, not even the color of grass. The stool had a semi-padded, black seat. It wasn’t made of wool; it was much softer. It could have been heavy cloth. The stool was probably a foot-and-a-half long and a foot wide. It was tall enough for me to sit on comfortably, usually under the large table in my grandmother’s kitchen. I was safely out-of-the-way there, protected and unobserved by relatives and other people milling about. I’m not sure what they were doing. Perceptions are limited when all you see are knees. The people were, no doubt, eating and drinking. For many years following that event, I thought it must have been part of a funeral.

I’m not sure whose funeral it was. In fact, I’m, now, not sure it was actually a funeral. The crowd of adults was gathered together in the house on Vienna Avenue where my father’s parents, Luigi and Dolgizia, lived, along with my unmarried Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary. The gathering was not for the death of either my grandpa or grandma. They survived until about the time I graduated from college. Since my paternal relatives were the only ones there, it could not have been for the death of my mother’s father, William, nor for his wife, Rose, who died when I was in high school. To my recollection, the two sides of my relatives never met – except on the day when my parents got married. According to family lore, my mother never saw my father’s relatives until a week before their wedding, even if they had gone together for seven years before that. So, who had died?

Now, thinking about it, I do not recall any coffin. Given that every relative was laid out at home, the deceased person would not have been a close relation. The event could have been a wake for a distant Italian relative. Wakes were important occasions for both my Italian and Polish heritages. That cultural divide of “Dago” versus “Polock,” was probably why the two sides of my family never merged for any holiday or celebration, including pre-nuptial visits.

A gathering after the funeral might not, technically, be a “wake,” which occurs on the night before the funeral, when friends and relatives collect in the kitchen while the body being remembered is confined to a coffin in the living room or parlor. Stories are told and shots of whiskey are consumed. What do you call a gathering when it comes after the burial, when a lot of raucous actions occur: drinking, eating special food and telling stories? This is exactly how my Italian and my Polish relatives celebrated death, after-the-fact, after-the-burial.

All I vividly recall about that day, when I was five-years old, are the green footstool and a comfortable place to hide when big people shouted out words in a language I did not understand. An oilcloth covering the kitchen table made a wonderful roof for a protecting castle as well as a tranquil observation post on a green footstool.

This is where I began my life of observing those around me. Later, when I developed an interest in the Enneagram, a personality typing system popular in the 1980’s, I discovered I was a “type-five,” one who positioned himself among the nine personality types as an observer, an investigator, who gains pleasure through studying everything and everyone around him.

Over the years, I have exchanged my green footstool for park benches, coffee shop counters, and strolls in towns and villages throughout the United States and Europe. I no longer need to be hidden under an oilcloth table cover, since those I now observe tend to hide themselves behind cell phones, the protective cover for their own footstools of isolation.

A Pimple on His Chest

My most vivid memories of my years before entering elementary school are of my first and greatest friend, Jimmy Rossi. For an unknown reason I was not allowed to go to his house, two blocks away. It may have been because of my all-protective mother, who did not permit me to go to any location where she wasn’t. Or perhaps it’s because Jimmy’s father was the local undertaker. Years later, when Mr. Rossi attended to the passing of both my mother and father, he became a “funeral director.” But in 1940 he was an “undertaker.”

Jimmy was allowed to come to my house to play. And he did. Often. Not every day; maybe several times a week. It seemed to me we were as inseparable as any two non-brothers could be. It could have been because neither of us had real brothers.

Our days were spent with Tinkertoys and Lincoln Logs, not the later plastic ones, but the real ones with interlocking pieces of wood. The deep brown logs came in three lengths: long, short and end-block – along with the green roof slats that always slipped off, unless they were placed “just right.” We joined the logs in as many different arrays and heights as possible. The Tinkertoy sticks and the red, round joining-pieces allowed greater creativity in our constructions. Until one day we couldn’t. The day when all of the Lincoln Logs and all the Tinkertoy sticks had to be destroyed. Immediately.

Jimmy had become ill. He died. Suddenly. Everything he had touched had to be burned, if at all possible. I knew he had died; I would never see him again. His family took care of what was once my very best, my only, friend.

I tried to learn why Jimmy had died. My mother said he had passed away because “he had a pimple on his chest.” I could not understand how a pimple could have caused his death. I did know a little about death. I had seen baby birds lying on the street, having fallen out of their nests. They died; they were buried.

From time to time, I had pimples. I really feared getting one on my own chest. The slightest red mark panicked me beyond consolation. Nothing worse could befall me than to have “a pimple on my chest.” Even into my teenage years. And then one day, suddenly and for no apparent reason, I realized I had misunderstood how Jimmy had died. It was “Poliomyelitis.” I no longer had to dread a pimple. My five-year-old ears had heard the name of a disease and made a strange translation into English: a “pimple-on-my-chest.”

Now I had an even greater fear. Polio. The dread infantile paralysis, which could readily go beyond braces and iron lungs, was the plague of the mid-twentieth century. In the forties and early fifties, its apprehension led to the closure of all places, especially swimming pools, where children might gather. Fear spread rapidly through every small town in the country. Well-meaning parents, among whom my overprotective mother was an exemplar, cloistered their offspring in every way possible. It was not until the late fifties that Salk’s vaccine and Sabin’s oral treatment were introduced. A sugar-cube laced with the newly discovered and deactivated virus destroyed the need to worry about a dreaded pimple on my chest.

Now there is COVID-19 to worry about. Recently, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) has also become a major health concern for parents with young children who, having been isolated from other viral attacks, seem to be highly susceptible to this long-existing pulmonary virus. A vaccine is currently available for the treatment of COVID-19 but not for RSV.

During the past three years, 2020 – 2022, people throughout the world have feared contacting a variation of this coronavirus which had become evident in late 2019. And yet, the public strongly disagrees on what should be done to avoid it or mitigate its effects. A new type of antivirus, one based on the construction of messenger RNA rather than on a deactivated form of the virus, was released in 2021. The biochemical methodology for the development of this new form of vaccine was initiated almost a decade ago.

Since the production and ultimate release of the countermeasure for COVID-19 occurred within a mere eighteen months following the outbreak of the contagion, many people have refused to be vaccinated. The virus has infected 1.1 billion people worldwide, with 100 million in the United States. Slightly over 1.1 million people in this country have died as a result of the virus.

A condition which should be limited to discussions of its biochemical properties has been expanded to include its political ramifications. Anti-vaccinators can be found among a variety of demographics. If their viewpoint had prevailed in the mid-nineteen-fifties, sucking sugar cubes to prevent polio would not have prevailed and this disease would have continued its decimating effects. In fact, some are concerned that we may return to a time when people will once again fear polio or smallpox, as well as the latest viral transformation in Africa or Asia – or New York, Chicago, Los Angeles or Houston. Given the propensity for self-determination and freedom of choice, political-biomedicine can no longer be limited merely to a scientific study of a “pimple-on-my-chest.”

Dancing Pink Elephants

What puts a person to sleep can have other interesting effects. This is very true for anesthetics. Ether was the one used on me when I underwent surgery at a young age. The cause for the surgery was tonsillitis, a not uncommon illness in the 1940s. If a kid’s tonsils were inflamed and there were constant complaints of sore throats, the tonsils came out. Physicians back then probably knew why these glands in the back of the throat had to be removed, but little kids were given only one reason, “you gotta have them taken out.” The same was true for adenoids. I was led to believe that these glands, in the nose rather than the throat, also caused problems relating to my repeated head-colds. Tonsils and adenoids must be dug out as soon as possible. For me, this happened when I was about five years old, a few months before I entered first grade.

I don’t’ recall directly what was done to me. Perhaps back then, even my parents were not completely informed of the procedure. All I remember was the gas mask being placed over my nose. The next thing I saw were pink elephants dancing around the tops of the walls, near the ceiling in my hospital room. They amazed me.

I did not expect to see dancing elephants, pink or otherwise. I was not sure how they got there, but they were very real. The only good result of seeing strange, albeit cute, pink elephants was the ice cream that came along with them. I was told ice cream was earned when tonsils and adenoids were removed. The elephants were my extra reward.

These amazing animals and their movements may have been my own particular response to what Disney was doing about then. In the late 1930’s, Walt produced Silly Symphonies and its ultimate form, Fantasia. If he could create pirouetting hippos, I could have my own dancing elephants.

I later wondered which came first, Disney’s fluid colors and music or my own synesthesia. Starting at a very young age, I’ve been able to close my eyes and listen to music that produced shifting, blending colored patterns in my head. Brass yielded red-golds and orange-yellows depending upon pitch and tonal qualities. Strings came in purples and violets. Woodwinds were seen in greens and blues. It was wonderful to observe symphonies behind closed eyelids. Later, this became a problem. Other concertgoers no doubt thought I slept through every classical performance. As I’ve aged, however, the mixed senses have become less common. Closed eyes and music now results in sleep more than in personal fantasias. Back then, I found that ether, given as part of a surgery, had results similar to those provided by orchestras.

As for the surgery, itself, the result was also somewhat strange and unexpected. The removal of tonsils and adenoids from my throat resulted in aluminum arch supports for my feet.

Family legend has it that when my tonsils and adenoids were excised, the surgeon nicked my thyroid gland. Whatever the cause, within a month after the operation, I had gained weight, almost fifty pounds. My body did not readily adjust to the rapid increase. When I went from what appeared to be a malnourished kid to one with, what relatives continued to call, “just baby fat,” the arches in my feet collapsed so that I left Donald Duck footprints when I stepped out with wet feet. I was forced to wear aluminum arch supports for the next six years, until I started junior high school.

My footprints are still very wide. I seldom go around with completely bare feet. I need to make sure I do not leave the tracks of a dancing, pink elephant.

Operettas and Good Sprites

In the 1940s, elementary schools performed what they called “operettas,” the childhood response to the dictate, “let’s have a show.” The productions kept the kids active and the parents proud. Lincoln Elementary School followed the practice. There was the assumption that every little kid could sing. Wrong! As the others belted out their first and second grade lyrics, I was relegated to beating time with “rhythm sticks.” I was strongly urged to “mouth the words” without making any loud sound. All of the kids were expected to take part in the class’s annual production. No parent could be left behind!

In my first-grade operetta, everyone in the class was a sprite. Each of us wore a pointy-hat made from bright-yellow crape paper. It might have been because I was scared, or maybe it was the result of being forced to attempt to sing, that I burst out in tears before the performance. In her efforts to calm me, I remember my teacher telling me: “Good little sprites don’t cry; their yellow caps give them courage.”

I did appear as the lead in operettas when I was in the fifth and six grades, not because of my singing ability, but rather because I was able (and willing) to memorize all of the lines. In one of them I played a miser. My costume was stereotypic for the time. I wore a black skull cap to which a white, straw-wig had been sewed. I don’t know where the material originated; it could have been from a broom. In the other production I was a kindly school janitor who pushed a broom. My grade-school custodian showed me how to wield it properly. I had tried sweeping it back-and-forth. That doesn’t work, a janitorial broom is always pushed forward to get rid of all the debris covering a classroom floor. I was a first-rate miser and a janitor, as an actor but not as a vocalist.

I was forbidden to sing my numerous lines. I was forced to recite them as poetry. The audience may not have realized what was happening. Both elementary music and poetry had lots of rhyme and rhythm, that’s all that mattered. My fellow performers were happy. They did not need to listen to me as they bellowed forth their choral parts. The teachers strongly urged me to join in by moving my lips without any movement of my vocal cords. Reluctantly I acquiesced and began my lifelong role of being a “non-singer.”

This nonperformance attitude was reinforced in junior high school. Although choral music was required for all of the other members of my seventh-grade class, I was excused and allowed to attend an extra study-hall. Remarkably, my report card for that year shows an “A” average in music for each of the two semesters, even though the individual grade for each six-week period was left blank. It’s probably because I had an “A” in everything else, except Physical Education in which I earned a “C” average.

Although singing is supposed to be part of the genetic pattern for all Italian males, I seemed to have been overlooked when vocal DNA was handed out. One of my father’s brothers had a professional, operatic voice. My father, a typical Italian male, thought he could sing, too. However, the only time I heard him sing was when he was very angry. It was a good signal to know when to stay out of his way. The words “Funiculi, funicula …“ always sent me into hiding.

On the other hand, the Italian-male, vocal gene might be recessive. My son, Ken, has a great voice, as does his own son, Jordan. Although the family says this resulted from my wife, Karen, who performed on stage in college, was the song-leader for her sorority and, later, had fun in Gilbert and Sullivan productions, as well as Li’l Abner, it’s possible my latent, genetic contribution was of some benefit to the boys.

Since I had failed to follow my Italian operatic heritage, I thought instrumental music might be a good substitute. Or maybe it was my parent’s thought. I tried to learn how to play the piano. My lessons were given by Mrs. Corbett, who lived in the house across the street from us, the one into which we later moved! Her music room became our parlor.

I struggled through the required finger movements and how to pass my thumb under the other four fingers. I’m not sure I really got too far beyond playing a competent scale with both hands. And yes, there was the usual recital at the appropriate time, or at least Mrs. Corbett thought it was appropriate. All I recall is that, during the recital, I had to play the introduction twice. I vividly remember starting to play it and immediately forgetting what notes came next. I stopped. I restarted from the beginning, hoping to get past the previously omitted notes. I wanted to cry. I then remembered what my first-grade teacher had said about “good little sprites.” Her words came into my head as I repeated the opening measures of the piano piece I was performing. I did not have a yellow cap. Only the ivory keys of the old YMCA piano were available. They had to do.

My early years did not cause me any significant vocal problems. The difficulty arose when I wanted to join a fraternity in college. There was a requirement for neophytes, during the last week of their pledge period, to render a sung request before being allowed to enter the House. During this week, I spent hours waiting patiently to be granted permission by any brother who would finally take pity on me. I almost gave up trying to join the fraternity.

In my adult years I was unable, physically and emotionally, to sing out-loud. This was especially true at church, where, with post-Vatican II reforms, everyone was encouraged to participate. Later, when I was ordained as a Permanent Deacon in the Catholic Church, my pastor agreed I could pray without singing. He, too, was a compassionate man.

I retired from an active role in the Diaconate at the right time. The current Cardinal-Archbishop of the Diocese of Galveston-Houston loves singing and strongly encourages all of his clergy to chant whenever the Liturgy calls for it. Once more, I escaped my earthly torment.

Yes, from my early years in operettas, I learned if I’m perfect at anything, it’s being a perfect monotone. Perhaps, someday, I will be able to sing out, with joy, in the heavenly choir.

Knickerbockers

Before little boys entered the first grade, in the early 1940’s, they wore short pants. Not long, short-pants; but short, short-pants. If you had to dress up, maybe for going to church, a “good pair of long pants” was acceptable, but be sure you had suspenders, the narrow, clip-on kind. The suspenders could also be useful for those shorts. In many instances, suspenders may have been mandatory to keep the pants from falling down at inappropriate times, like when running fast.

With entrance into the first grade, little boys were allowed to wear knickers. Only advertisements in the stores might call them “knickerbockers.” They were the in-between version for pants. The trouser leg came to just below the knee. The young boy’s lower legs were protected from scratches by long stockings.

If you were well-dressed, the bottoms of the knickers were secured by a button or two immediately below the knee. Many mischievous boys went with falling socks due to unbuttoned knickers; mine were always buttoned. Although the knickers might be either gray or dark brown, or most likely black, their major, consistent property was that they were made of corduroy cloth. Knickers always made a swishing sound. They hissed and went whip-whap with every step. Every teacher knew immediately when a little boy walked up behind her; there was no quiet entrance. I tried to walk quietly but seldom went unheard.

Kickers went the way of other breeches once worn by Washington, Jefferson and other founding fathers. A boy could wear kickers in the first grade, but never in the second. However, they could not get rid of the sound accompanying long, corduroy pants. Teachers still knew when a little boy approached from behind. Fortunate boys were able to shed their corduroy by the fifth grade.

What kickers were for little boys, pinafores must have been for little girls, even if they were not made of corduroy. Little girls were Shirley Temples; young boys were the little rascals.

Little boys wore short pants, knickers and corduroys but seldom tried them on before they were bought. If mom made a buying mistake, she could always return them for another size. Shoes were different. I enjoyed going with my mother to buy shoes. It was fun.

When I tried on different pairs of shoes to learn which might be the right size and, therefore, wearable for a few months, I could look at my feet inside of the durable leather covers. Yes, the fluoroscope was the fun part of shopping for shoes. With X-ray vision, I saw how my toes wiggled inside of them.

My mother or the saleslady looked through the observer’s porthole while I viewed my feet through the main one. I wondered if she saw them upside-down. The wearer could look through only one opening at the view screen below and not both portholes located opposite to one another. If my mother bought shoes for herself, I did not have the chance to see her wiggle her toes. Of course, the real purpose for the fluoroscope was not to see me wiggle my own toes, but rather for the adults to see what space existed around my feet. Was it sufficient for me to “grow into my shoes?”

When it was discovered that fluoroscopy was dangerous for young, growing feet, shopping for shoes was no longer fun. It was just another task little boys had to endure. It was no more fun than looking for new knickers.

Demotion

Moving from the first grade to the second grade is our introduction to the societal need, or personal desire, for advancement. True success is marked not only by the promotion, itself, but with the signs accompanying it. For a grade-school kid, this is more than a mere change from knickers to long pants. Symbolism remains important throughout adult lives too. The number of windows in our workplace becomes a measure of our progress in the company. There is an ultimate desire for the corner office with all of its perks.

When I entered the second-grade classroom at Lincoln Elementary, I was overjoyed. I had made it! A grand future awaited me. I liked being with Miss Dunlap for the first grade and would miss her, but Mrs. Davis, the second-grade teacher, should also be nice. It would be a very good year.

This second year passed quickly and pleasantly with Mrs. Davis, but I was very eager to advance to the third grade. I looked forward to having Miss Scully for my new teacher. Anticipating another great year, I was totally unprepared when the Principal called me into her office to inform me that, on the next morning, I was to report to Mrs. Davis, the second-grade teacher I had last year.

I was being demoted! That was my immediate, horrified thought. Then the next unverbalized questions exploded inside my head. What had I done to deserve this? Had I failed to do something last year? Had the third-grade teacher, whom I had just met, taken an instant disliking to me?

I didn’t cry there in the Principal’s office. It wasn’t until I met Mrs. Davis, on the way back from my meeting with her, that my tears poured forth. As the sobs came, so did my questions: why was I being forced to go back to the second grade? What had I done wrong? Why was I being held back a year?

Mrs. Davis assured me: I had done nothing wrong. I was not being held back. I was not being demoted. She told me of about the new way Lincoln Elementary would be doing things, the new “policy” – but she didn’t use that word. Starting tomorrow, the second through fifth grade would now be taught on a split-class basis.

Beginning with the 1943-44 school year, the second-grade classroom would continue to have five rows of students, with three of them being at the regular, second grade level; the remaining two rows would be for the third grade. While sitting in the second-grade classroom, I would really be in the third grade. As a third grader, I would help her with the students in the second grade.

I believed her. All of the third graders were chosen to help her teach second graders! I felt better. This is probably what my Principal intended would happen. Unfortunately, she had not described it that way during my visit with her.

I had Mrs. Davis for both the second and the third grade and, later, Miss Scully for both the fourth and fifth grade. The sixth grade remained the sole province of Mrs. Sullivan, and later, Mrs. Mortz.

For me, the system did have positive results. It gave me my first experience as a teacher. I helped tutor individual second-graders and, later, fourth-level students when I, myself, was in the fifth grade. These interactions gave me sufficient pleasures and rewards to inspire me to want to become a teacher when I grew up. My “demotion” provided me with the incentive to do what I have enjoyed doing whenever the opportunity came my way over the next eighty years. My love for teaching began at an early age. Going backwards may be going forward, if you change your perspective.

Elementary Particles

What I did or may have done in my elementary school days has vanished except for a few particles glimpsed in the mists of a fading memory seventy years afterwards. The causes for their disappearances vary. Mere aging and its accompanying forgetfulness are, no doubt, major ones. My confusion on exactly when they were created may also be a result of those years in strangely split classes. I no longer recall if something happened in the third, fourth, or fifth grade. Was the action accomplished under the watchful eye of Miss Dunlap, Mrs. Davis, Miss Scully or Mrs. Sullivan?

Only particles remain, like floating dust motes in bright sunshine. Perhaps elementary school memories may also seem like the boxes of the Periodic Chart of physical elements. Memories can be collected and organized in their own boxes.

Within one box I see two sheets of paper, each bearing a drawing. One sheet has four adjoining squares making up a single block. Each area is colored with a different crayon. Elemental red, green, blue and yellow. The images are large; the crayon has been deposited in a variety of directions. The red goes both up and down, and side-to-side. Also, diagonally. Part of a colored box may be light; other parts have heavy deposits of color. The only requirement had been to stay within the lines of each block. I had; I did not just “scribble”: I got an A+ for my work – not only for art, but also, for following instructions. My mother saved the paper for many years. It has now vanished.

The second sheet of paper displays a tree, actually two trees with bushy curvatures of green leaves and well-formed branches. The tree on the left is printed with the purple lines of a ditto machine. The reproduction on the right is drawn with a pencil. Each student had to make a freehand copy of the ditto-tree and color both of them with crayons. My teacher, probably Miss Dunlap in the first grade, criticized me. She accused me of tracing the tree instead of redrawing it. On close examination, it’s observable that there are slight differences in the two structures. My hand-to-eye coordination was judged to be exemplary. Again, I got an A+. I’m not sure how long my mother kept these examples of my early accomplishments or where, along the way, I discarded them.

The only other academic activity I recall is learning how to write. Hand-to-eye coordination was also helpful when letters must be formed between two parallel lines or placed so part of the letter goes below the bottom line. For comfort with cursive, there was the reproduction of rows of o’s – either overlapping or sitting side-by-side. This exercise may no longer be used. My grandchildren seldom use cursive; any manually produced writing uses block letters. By the end of the next decade, it will be unlikely that anyone under the age of thirty will be able to read correspondence kept from my own adolescence.

In a short time, the source of all to be read will be electronic. On the other hand, I have a strong memory of a classroom reading table. We stood around it when we learned how to read, so it must have been in the first or second grade. The one I especially remember was light green. It was not flat, but shaped like a long tent. Our books could be propped on it as we attempted to read from them.

I also recall this table for a personal disaster as well as for its intended use. Almost all members of the class had to go individually to the Nurse’s Office for some kind of vaccination. I had already received mine before starting the schoolyear and remained in the classroom. However, as the students returned to the room and continued their lesson at the reading table, the odor of the alcohol, which had been used to sterilize the injection sites on their arms, increased dramatically. The fumes finally reached a level resulting in my passing out and hitting my head on the reading table before I ended up on the classroom floor. I’ve disliked and tried to avoid shots, ever since. Not all elementary particles are recalled with pleasure.

Battle of the Baby Doll

One of my more painful memories is centered on my cousin, Fremont. He was the son of my father’s brother, Freemont. (Yes, the spelling did differ for the two of them.) One of the limited commonalities we had was our last name. We both did very well in school; but that’s about where it ended. He was a year younger and may have felt the competition more keenly, the need to excel at what we knew and did. Physically he was much thinner, almost fragile. The family story claimed he had rheumatic fever at a young age. More importantly, over the years, he became much more popular than I. Each year in high school he was elected class president. Later, he was elected mayor of Niles and served in that role for well over twenty years.

Our mutual warfare began at an early age; I was in the second grade. We did play together, especially when we were at our grandparent’s house. One day when it was time to leave, to walk the mile to our individual homes that were only a few blocks from one another, it was discovered that his sister, Mary Ann, who had already been driven home, had accidently left her baby doll behind. My Aunt Mary thought it should be returned to her immediately and Fremont was assigned the task of bringing it home. He refused. Being older, I was then given the responsibility. I reluctantly carried the thing by a leg as Fremont and I trudged homeward. It was then that our battle began.

Although I had no desire to undertake the transfer of the baby doll, Fremont made the journey even more unbearable. He teased and mocked me without mercy. Every time we passed a group of kids as we hurried down the street, he would shout out for all the boys to look at me with my baby doll, how I loved playing with baby dolls, how I could not resist carrying mine wherever I went and how I was a real sissy and should be avoided at all costs. I grew angrier and angrier but there was nothing I could do, except walk as fast as possible and dangle the object as far away from my body as I could. I had been given the duty and had to carry it through. We finally got to my house. I threw the baby doll onto the back porch; now Fremont would have to undertake the terrible transfer. There was one more action for me to take. I had to beat him up.

There in my backyard, I began to punch him, to wrestle him, to force him to the ground, to make sure he knew how mad I was and that I would not be teased and mocked like that ever again. His wails quickly brought my father onto the scene. When he saw Fremont as the underdog, he yanked my arm, spun me around and began to spank me, hard. I was not supposed to beat up my cousin who was not well. My attempted explanation concerning the cause for my actions was unheard by the avenger. As further punishment I was to go to bed without any supper. Fremont scrambled up, grabbed the baby doll and headed home.

The battle over the baby doll had results vastly exceeding the behaviors of the moment. During the following years, my cousin and I had limited interactions. The major outcome, however, was the influence the encounter had on strengthening the feeling of hatred I held against my father, the one I referred to for decades afterwards as “He” or “Him,” both in spoken and written forms.

Yes, there were other causes for the spectrum of negative feelings I had against “Him,” but the earliest one I remember is this one. Not because I was spanked and sent to bed without supper, both being classical punishments for wrongdoing. Instead, I saw them as indications of His lack of trust in what I said; of His sticking up for a cousin who deserved his comeuppance; and His view that I was not worth defending myself under any circumstances. As I lay on my bed, hungry for what was being served downstairs, these thoughts and feelings took root within me. Over the years they grew into a deep despair that nothing positive would ever come from any interaction between me and Him. For the rest of my life, that baby doll had become a very heavy load to carry with or without further mockery from Fremont.

Playground Rules

I lived on the corner of Cedar and Seneca. Across the street, catercorner to my house, was the city-block occupied by Lincoln Elementary. The two-story, redbrick and granite-trimmed schoolhouse covered only a small part of the land. The building had eight classrooms, four on each floor, along with the Principal’s Office and one for the School Nurse. Seven of the rooms housed classes; the eighth was dedicated to school assemblies. In the center of the building two, well-worn sets of wooden stairs connected the floors, one set for going up, the other for coming down. On the outside there were eight, iron fire-escapes: forbidden territory, although very tempting for climbing adventures when school was not in session.

Perhaps the best feature of this block in the neighborhood was not the school itself, but its playground. It was a one minute walk from my house at any time of the year, but summertime was best. I devoted many hours to this piece of landscape.

Nearest to my house was the tall slide. It was probably not as tall as its name implied, but for young kids, it seemed like the top of the world. My speed sliding down was increased dramatically after a few descents on seats of wax-paper from my mother’s cupboard. How long I could sit on top of the slide and view the entire playground varied with the size of the next kid in line.

Not far from the slide were the teeter-totters. Depending upon where the fulcrum was placed, I could have one or two opponents sit across from me for a contest of who could shove off the hardest and see who lost his seat at the top of the arc. When no one else was around, it was a challenge to determine how long I could balance the board while lying on my back, or stomach.

Swinging was also competitive. How high could I pump with my head held back and look at the moving sky before I became too dizzy to continue any longer? The jungle-gym bars were not as competitive, unless you included how long you could hang from your knees, which I never tried. As for the nearby spinning-wheel ride, I hoped to have an older teenager with long legs stand on the far side and push off repeatedly to make the rotation faster.

When I was a first or second grader, my favorite site was the sand box, where I could use Klondike sticks in order to construct castles, until some older kid would bust them down. It was best to use the sand early in the summer, before the neighborhood cats found it for their personal hygiene.

The playground was large enough for softball, and there was a single basketball hoop near the school, itself, but they were used by teenagers. For some unknown reason, my immediate neighborhood did not have many boys who were my age. Girls in the area greatly outnumbered the guys.

Living so close to the playground I could pick and choose the times and sites for my pastime. I preferred to engage in actions I could do by myself. Besides, I never was really into team sports or athletics. Occasionally I would play ping-pong in the basement of the school building. There was a multipurpose activity-room and storage area, during summer hours it could be accessed through a ramplike cellar-door. For me, that site was primarily a cool place on a sweltering day, where I could do craftwork, making “stained glass windows” using glass and colored tinfoil from candy wrappers which had been painstakingly smoothed-out. The figures on the glass were shaped with heavy black paint to resemble the lead outlines of true stained-glass windows. I also enjoyed braiding wrist bands from narrow, colored leather straps; the results were presented as gifts to young relatives.

Although there were rules for the use of each piece of equipment (don’t bang the empty teeter-totter boards on the ground, don’t twist the chains on the swings or stand on them to pump higher, and don’t climb the fire escapes) the major concern for most kids, including me, was to be aware of those who really ruled the playground, the guys who ended each ball game with a wrestling match or those who did not climb the fire escapes but sat on them and smoked a cigarette or two, especially in the evening. School playgrounds offered opportunities for learning the rules of social life and things that went far beyond the learning found in schoolbooks.

Not Mister Roger’s

Playgrounds are for organized play; neighborhoods are for unorganized play and observation. My neighborhood consisted of the four blocks along North Cedar Street from Troutman’s drug store, on the corner of Cedar and Robbins Avenue, to Pearl Street. Between Robbins and Pearl were an unnamed alley, Seneca Street and Cherry Street, the eastern border for the Lincoln Elementary School playground. Beaver Street ran parallel to Cedar Street. My parish church, Our Lady of Mt Carmel, was on the corner of Beaver Street and Robbins Avenue.

Within a half-dozen blocks I could readily visit not only my grade school and parish church, but also the local drug store, grocery store (Morabito’s Italian) and Isaly’s dairy where I could buy five-cent ice-cream cones. Robbins Avenue was also the site for Rossi’s Funeral Home and the offices of Dr. Claypool, the family physician. We had no real need for a car, which is a good thing, since my father continually refused to buy one.

Across the street from our front porch there was a two-story apartment house, which had been converted to accommodate the Church of the Nazarene on the first floor. The second story had a single apartment. For several years it was occupied by my Aunt Vi, Uncle Chick (pronounced with a long “I”) and my cousins RoseMary and Donna Weida.

Mrs. Andrew, a wealthy widow, resided in the opposite corner house; we rented our own house from her. Behind her brown house, across from our backyard, with its vegetable garden, was a yellow house she owned. It was occupied by Mrs. Corbett, who gave me piano lessons for two or three years. Mrs. Corbett had a son, Jim, who was also a friend of mine, although not as close as Jimmy Rossi, the one who had died of polio. Several years later, when the Corbetts moved out, my parents and I moved into this house, where I lived until leaving for college.

The neighborhood looked like many found in small towns in Ohio in the middle of the twentieth century. The residential streets were lined with elm trees, long gone now as the result of blight. Buckeye trees were more fun. I gathered their nuts and strung them on string chains. I wondered what would really happen if I ate one, having been warned not to. Elm and buckeye leaves were also great for raking into piles each fall so that we kids could jump in them before re-raking them for burning at the curb. Was there any fragrance that smelled more like autumn incense than burning leaves?

The sidewalks were made from grey, slate slabs, about three feet on each side. Magnificently smooth for roller-skating, with bumps in between, especially if the tree roots pushed them upwards to different heights. The slabs were still better than the poured, concrete road pavement that caused my roller-skates to vibrate as I passed over it.

My house, like many others, had grey, plank-siding. The overlapping boards would send my tennis ball in a variety of directions unless I bounced it just right against the outside wall facing Seneca. Most houses were constructed, like mine, near the front street, with a very small yard and a covered porch with spindle-rails. This was a good place to sit on a rainy day, especially on our two-seat swing suspended from the porch roof.

Yes, the front porch was the place to watch people walking by; to wave to some; and to chat with a few. Each open porch was a place for play and for observation of small-town life lived outdoors.

Location, Location, Location

It is often claimed the success of any enterprise depends upon “location, location, location.” This summary is equally true for life, itself. The beginning decades of mine depended upon location, location, location, even when the sites were limited. I’m told the first one for me was 20½ N. Cedar, the second-story apartment above a hardware store, one for mechanical tools, not electronics!

I was born on my maternal grandparents’ farm in Mineral Ridge, Ohio. My parents and I lived in the Cedar apartment for only a short time after my birth. The first house I remember was a mere block away, 44 N. Cedar. Technically Cedar Street was divided North and South by Robbins Avenue, but few made the distinction, unless you lived south of “The Avenue.”

I lived in the Cedar Street house until the seventh grade. Toward the end of that school year, we had to move from this rented house. I don’t know why. Perhaps Mrs. Andrews sold it to someone else. My father did not believe in owning a house. In order for me to complete the seventh grade at Washington Junior High School, the middle school I attended after Lincoln, we lived for several months with my paternal grandparents on “The Avenue.”

Then, in the summer of 1948, we moved to Mineral Ridge and lived with my maternal grandmother, while I attended the eighth grade and the first six weeks of the ninth at Mineral Ridge High School. The months I lived there were the happiest of all my years prior to going away to college.

After a little more than a year of country living, we moved back to the old neighborhood and rented another house owned by Mrs. Andrews, 440 Seneca Street. This was where Jim Corbett and his mother, my onetime piano teacher, had lived while we had resided on Cedar Street.

For the Cedar house, I remember the living room, or parlor, was the first room entered through the front door. It had pink wallpaper with large white flowers and bright green leaves. I don’t remember anything about the furniture, but there must have been an upright piano, since this was when I began lessons at our future-home across the street. There was also a walled-in fireplace with its still-visible mantle. Santa Claus would never be able to enter the room, but my father once showed me an opened vent in the furnace pipes in the cellar that Santa used one year.

To the right of the parlor was the room filled by an all-purpose dining table with its chairs and sideboard. Directly behind the parlor was the kitchen with its attached pantry that included a sink overlooking our future home on Seneca. The kitchen led to the back porch, without any railing to keep kids on or off, and to the backyard with its victory garden with rows of corn, tomatoes and green vegetables that added to our meals during World War II.

The second floor, accessed by an enclosed staircase from the kitchen, had two and one-half bedrooms and a bathroom. My parents’ room faced Cedar Street, mine Senaca. There was a small area, a one-half bedroom, between my room and the bathroom. I don’t remember much about my bedroom. I must not have spent too much time there. At times it blends into my images of my bedroom in the house across the street where we lived during my teenage years. The half-bedroom held a narrow bed which my mother used on the nights she bailed out from her snoring husband.

The scary, dark, and damp cellar held a coal-burning furnace with its adjoining storage bin for black rocks delivered every few weeks through a small window near the ceiling. The open space at the foot of the stairs housed tubs for soaking clothes before they were placed in the washing-machine with its noisy, back-and-forth rotor and attached wringer through which clothes were passed before they were hung to dry, during the winter months, on lines in the cellar. The odor of wetness evident on the first floor indicated which days were wash-days. Spring, summer and fall allowed for lines in the backyard and the magnificent fragrance of clothes dried outdoors.

I, myself, spent as much time outside as I possibly could. It enabled me to escape from the constant arguments which occurred within the walls on Cedar Street during each season of the year.

Home Delivery

With the lack of refrigeration and a shortage of supplies in the wartime forties, daily shopping was the rule-of-the-day. A short walk to the neighborhood market met most household demands, if the items were available. Not everything was, especially meat and sugar, both of which were rationed. Red stamps were demanded for available meats, fats and dairy products, and blue ones for all the other items on the list of limited edibles. Federal green stamps were needed for the purchase of restricted clothing. Each month, the government issued a book of stamps worth varying numbers of points. If the rationed item cost less than the value on the stamp, you received cardboard-like red or blue tokens “in change.” Special stamps were also required for sugar. (Karen told me that she once gave some to her teacher as a Christmas present that was very gratefully received.)

In small towns you need not drive to the grocery for staples. Rationed gasoline and rubber tires could be conserved by the use of delivery trucks coming to your house rather than everyone traveling to the local store.

The milkman came daily, or perhaps every other day, except Sunday. The delivered milk was left by the back door each morning. There was only one kind of milk; it came from cows and not almonds or soybeans. Each glass bottle contained two visible parts: the milk below and the cream on top. The consumer separated the skimmed milk from the cream or mixed them together for whole milk, unless it was winter and the freezing weather in early morning caused the cream to push out the paper cap inserted into the top of the bottle. A special treat was to eat it like ice-cream.

Bread was also delivered to each house by a daily breadman. The choices were limited: sliced white and sliced whole wheat. No rolls, buns, brioches or croissants. If we wanted Italian bread, we got it from my grandmother who baked it every-other-day in an outdoor, wood-fired, brick-oven behind her house. Pizza, too, on special occasions.

We made our own butter-substitute for the bread. I was given the fun task of turning colorless oleo into a butter-like spread by pinching a red-orange, squeezable capsule found in the cellophane bag containing white lard and by kneading it to produce a uniform, yellow color throughout the margarine.

During the summer months, a pushcart with fresh vegetables plied Cedar Street. The cart was loaded with tomatoes, zucchini or other squash, maybe corn, and, of course, long yellow peppers as well as short green ones. Fried peppers on Italian bread were a worthy replacement for luncheon meat sandwiches, which usually consisted of fried bologna, when it could be found in the grocery store.

All of this was made possible during the summer by the most important home delivery of all: ice for the icebox! Before the existing lump in the icebox became very small, I was directed to put a four-sided, cardboard sign in the front window, with the needed number of pounds (15, 25, 50, or 75) in the upward position. The delivery man would use his shiny tongs to transfer the appropriate block from his truck onto his leather-covered shoulder, haul it into the house and put the ice into our oak refrigerator with its three compartments: the upper one for ice, the lower one for melted water, and the side cupboard with shelves for meat and dairy products. If I was very careful, I was allowed to empty the pan of melted water into the sink. Of course, the ice delivery did not occur during the winter. This was the time for the window box, with a sliding door, to be placed just outside the kitchen window where its contents were cooled by the freezing weather.

Today, folks look toward the future and delivery by drones. Probably few remember when the deliveryman made his daily rounds to the backdoor. E-mail and I-phones have replaced the milkman, breadman, vegetable cartman, and iceman, along with the mailman and paperboy. Who leaves next? Only Amazon can tell.

War Efforts

In the forties, although my cousins and I were aware of food rationing, our parents also worried about the shoes and clothes that went on our feet and backs. Green stamps for non-perishables served in the same way that the red and blue ones did for edibles. Without these federal coupons, mothers and aunts had to rely on homemade clothing for all of us.

Back then, flour sacks became significant sources of cloth for such projects. The large bags, which had held white flour used for baking, were, themselves, seldom white. Usually they had colorful patterns, often floral designs.

The emptied bags were washed, dried and set aside for sewing projects, especially aprons. Perhaps with the limited availability of store-bought housedresses, it was necessary for women to protect what they had by using an apron not only while cooking but also while doing all kinds of work around the house: scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and, certainly, “canning.”

The end of summer was the usual time for canning vegetables and fruit so that nothing we grew during the season would spoil and need to be thrown out. Bushels of cooked tomatoes became rows of Mason jars filled with sauce or whole, de-seeded produce. String beans and slices of fried peppers filled many more glass jars, each of which was sealed with a top consisting of a disposable brass ring and an inserted flat lid. During this pasteurization process, the family could only hope that none of the jars would explode while they were in the huge pots filled with boiling water, or during the cooling down period prior to their final storage in the cellar.

Although cucumbers could be pickled, I do not recall much done with softer produce such as corn or peas. On the other hand, we welcomed canned peaches or pears for consumption in midwinter, especially in pies. Even better were the jellies made from cherries, grapes or crab-apples. However, real apples seldom appeared in our home-canned jars; perhaps they became too brown and unappetizing in the heating process needed to render bacteria harmless.

As for those flower-patterned flour sacks, they were made into more than aprons for my mother and dresses for her nieces. They also became braided rugs. The strips cut from the sacks were twisted and sewed into cord-like forms which were joined together on a family loom. As a boy seeing only the results, I had no idea of the direct magic used to transform rags into rugs. This was a secret taught only to girls.

The other cloth transformation was from string into fancy dresses for little girls, along with doilies for tabletops or for armchair covers to protect our stuffed furniture. My mother was an expert in crocheting and her nieces became well outfitted with fancy dresses she made while listening to the radio in the evening. Her larger creations included comforters. One composed of multicolored granny squares has become a prized collection to be left as a family heirloom.

There were other fashion needs during the war years that could not be met with creations from rags and strings. My mother did not knit sweaters or socks, but she did darn many of the latter. However, there was no way she or my aunts could produce silk or nylon hose when they were totally unavailable in the stores. But, women were able to fake them.

My aunts bought various shades of a brown, liquid makeup that they applied to their legs. Then, with great dexterity, or with another helpful relative, they used an eyebrow pencil to draw a thin line down the back of each leg, from just above the knee to a point near the ankle. In the right light, the results did look a little like real hosiery, and they did not need to worry about a run or snag in them. Although my mother never wore slacks, my aunt Mary, who worked in a factory, welcomed them and ankle socks in place of long hose.

For the war effort at home, my mother and aunts became the ones who sewed, crocheted, and knitted all year long, and canned food during summer and fall. Teenaged boys were assigned the year ‘round task of collecting scrap metal and paper, bundling together each collection, and lugging them to pickup locations. Rubber tires and old car batteries, as well as grease left over from cooking, were also “recycled.” It is only, recently, with the green-movement, that recycling has, again, becomes a public action. Now, it is plastic, an unheard of material during the forties, that it is collected for re-use. Nevertheless, it is very unlikely there will be a modern version of the wartime motto, “make do, do without or redo what you have.”

Soldiers and Sailors

One of my favorite television programs is the CBS Sunday Morning, a video-journal with very interesting segments covering a wide range of topics. A recent report focused on “The Ritchie Boys,” a semi-secret group of German-Jews who were part of the U.S. Military Intelligence Service which, during WW II, interrogated Nazi prisoners on the front lines and played a significant role in U.S. counter-intelligence efforts. Many of these servicemen had been born in Germany or Austria and, being familiar with the language and culture of their native lands, were extremely valuable assets for our own war efforts. All of these military specialists had received training at Camp Ritchie, located in rural Maryland.

It was then that I recalled Camp Ritchie had been part of our own family history, one recorded in diaries my mother had kept from 1943 through 1981. Several years ago, I had transcribed her hand-written entries onto my computer files. I easily confirmed that my Uncle Joe, my father’s oldest brother, had been drafted into the Military Intelligence Service stationed at Camp Ritchie. He had been assigned to this service, since he was fluent in Italian and English, skills of high interest to the U.S. military.

Uncle Joe, however, did not take part in the front-line interrogation of Italian prisoners-of-war. My mother’s diary indicates he came home every month on a three-day pass to be with the family. I do not recall any of his stories about those years (November 1942 – September 1945) when he was stationed as Camp Ritchie. I doubt, given the cultural and linguistic differences, that he had any contact with those secret “Ritchie Boys.” Nevertheless, I find the at-a-distance connection to be fascinating. I also find the military service for Joe’s brother, Fremont, to be of interest.

Uncle “Free” loved to tinker, especially with anything that was electrical. This hobby led him to volunteer for the “Seabees,” those who served with one of the U.S. Naval Construction Battalions. I have no idea where he was stationed; but since he apparently had only one leave during his enlistment, it’s unlikely he was as close as Uncle Joe had been. I have no recollection he went outside of the continental U.S., even if I might envision him among the cast for “South Pacific.” My only tangible evidence for my uncles’ military careers are photographs of the two of them in uniform, when they were on leave at the same time.

After the war, Uncle Joe returned to the family painting and wall-papering business. Uncle “Free” maintained and repaired a lot of pin-ball machines, one of which was a source of amusement when I would “go-up-the-hill” and be allowed access to one housed in the family-storage-room. It was rigged so I could play for hours with only a single quarter to initiate the process.

According to my mother’s diary, another paternal uncle, Isadore, also served. She writes that he went off to camp in August 1943. There is no record of the branch in which Uncle Izzy served. I have no recollections of him in any uniform and was surprised when I read the entry in her journal. She also records that her brother, Bill, went for a physical, but he never did enter the military; I’m sure of that. My father did not serve in the military. Being a steelworker at the time, he had an exemption from the draft.

I, myself, was never drafted. I registered for the draft when I turned eighteen. My own diary records the day when my friend, George Davies, and I went into Warren to register and how the day became a holiday outing for us. He was drafted during the Korean War; I was exempted, since I had enrolled in college and maintained my grades. The demands of the local draft board were readily met by volunteers, whose only alternative was employment in the steel mills of the Mahoning Valley.

From time-to-time, I have wondered what my life would have been like if I had served in the military. The physical training would, no doubt, have had a significant impact on my non-athletic body. I’ve never played on any team for anything! My phys-ed requirement at Kent State was fulfilled by classes in folk dancing, ball-room dancing, archery, beginning bowling and golf, and a swimming class where I finally learned how to float! Boot-camp would have been an interesting, and (no doubt) very beneficial experience.

Then there is the military comradery aspect of life. From all I’ve read and heard, this is a significant result of being in combat. Having one’s life depend upon that of the man next to you, and his life depending upon yours, present experiences I’ve never had – but have pondered late at night.

My own two sons have registered for the draft, as the law requires. But they have not experienced the anxiety of listening to life-defining-numbers being called on the radio. Who knows what lies ahead for my six grandsons or my three great-grandsons? And given our current culture, there is no reason to exclude my granddaughters or great-granddaughters from future equations.

I’ve lost track of the military events which have occupied American thoughts since my birth in 1935. Thus far, members of my immediate family have “dodged” the so-called “bullet.” But with the rapid devastations of the planet associated with climate change, dodging bullets has become a routine activity. Meteorologists, as well as those who report on political and societal events during evening newscasts, may be equally inaccurate. I would prefer to remain with the video-journalism of “Sunday Morning,” with which I began this essay; but, unfortunately, CNN and Al-Jazeera have other, more troublesome, points-of-view.

Weida Girls

My growing-up years also provide me with other fond memories. Although vivid, a few of them may not be overly fond. One of them involves a prank RoseMary, Donna and I played on their mother, my Aunt Vi. She was my godmother and favorite aunt. The Weida family, at the time, was living in the second floor apartment across from my house on Cedar Street. While Donna, the younger sister, hid in a closet, RoseMary and I ran down the hall, yelling that Donna had fallen out the window. Aunt Vi did not find the prank to be as amusing as we three young ones thought it would be. I had no idea my godmother could scold so strongly.

Another long-lasting memory is associated with another falsehood. For all of her life, RoseMary was afraid of, disgusted with, dead birds. The condition, she maintained, was the result of my telling her she had killed one when she stepped on the featherless carcass of a birdie which had fallen out of its nest from a tree on Cedar Street. Aunt Vi was more forgiving than RoseMary.

The two Weida girls and I played together almost daily during the two years they lived across the street from me. A favorite pastime was playing “store.” For Christmas, one year, I had received the makings of a cardboard foodstand. The result, when the pieces were joined together, was a small kiosk. From old magazines, we cut out pictures of canned goods and other items we could sell in our make-believe store.

There were also cutout paper dolls which my female cousins liked. I joined them in their sessions and dressed their fashion dolls not only with tabbed clothing from their cutout books but also from designs we created by ourselves. This was a time long before the era of GI-Joe action dolls for boys. The only figures I had for playing with by myself were green painted soldiers made of lead. Plastic figurines had to await future development. Practically every plaything had been made of steel; they were hard to find during the war years.

There were, however, plaster-of-Paris figures to be made. I had a set for an Indian tribe consisting of warriors, squaws, chiefs and youngsters. There was even a mold for a campfire. Having poured the liquid material into each mold and waiting for their internal heat to turn them into solid figures, I hoped I could extract the results without breaking off an arm or head. I enjoyed using colored paint to complete each figure. I did not enjoy waiting for the final coating with shellac to dry before I could mingle them in combat with the green, lead soldiers.

At Christmas time, my Lionel toy train would be brought out. Given the size of the track, I was allowed to play with my train for only one week during the holidays. The model was that of a military transport. The cars were limited to an engine, coal car, troop carrier and caboose. The standard oval did have a crossover piece in the center. I must admit that seasonal usage was usually sufficient. It does become boring to watch a train that only circles a simple track with no surrounding gadgets. Of course, I would try to make it jump the track, occasionally, to add a bit of interest.

My memories with the Weida girls also blend with memories of my other cousins of the time when we would be told to go off and play while the aunts and uncles gathered, elsewhere on the Moransky farm in Mineral Ridge. We, ourselves, assembled at the green swing on the back porch. This was the place for storytelling. As the oldest, I would begin the story and each cousin would add to it, whenever they decided to offer an amendment. I’m not sure why, but the story usually was about Peter Pickelpuss. We all thought he provided us many great laughs.

I also recall the time when Aunt Vi took our group of “extended cousins” on a picnic in the woods behind my grandmother’s farm in the country. She had packed sandwiches and stuff for a luncheon on a blanket spread under the trees. The real adventure occurred on the way back to the farm house. First of all, we were chased by a cow. The critter probably did not run very fast and may not have even been really interested in us, but we thought she was. While trying to avoid her, we got trapped in a bog. Somehow one of my shoes was pulled off during my attempts to pull free. This is the only occasion I remember returning home wearing only one shoe. Aunt Vi took the blame for the loss.

All together, we were less than a dozen cousins, but we had as much fun as we could in the days before interactions were confined to electronic screens and cell phones. It was an era when relationships were real, not virtual. Unfortunately, my great grandchildren will probably never have those experiences. I’m pleased I did.

Cousins by the Dozens

During my growing up years (and for much of my adult life) RoseMary and Donna have been my favorite cousins. There were other cousins, too, although I saw them less frequently than I did the Weida girls.

My childhood existed during an age when physical interaction with cousins was common. Families seldom left the hometown, so it was possible for routine visits to occur among us. The only relatives who moved were the Tippers: Aunt Sophia, my mother’s sister, and her husband, Uncle Gil. Their children included Maryann, Rosalie, Marcella, Gilbert and Oswald. They disappeared when the family moved to Lompoc, California. At some point in my childhood, Uncle Guffy, my father’s brother, moved to some unknown destination and his son, Ernest, became invisible.

Age differences are more important for children than they are for adults. This was the case for Donald and David, the two sons of my father’s brother, Isadore. Although there are only eight years between Donald and me and only thirteen between his younger brother, David, and me, we seldom saw one another, let alone engaged in playtime activities. They lived in Warren, twelve miles north of Niles, but worlds-away in travel time. Moreover, when Donald was at a playable age, I was a teenager.

On the other hand, Fremont, Jr. and I were only a year apart and lived in nearby neighborhoods. I’ve already commented on our earliest fight: The Battle of the Baby Doll! We could have had a closeness from pre-school days through high school graduation, but once we had become teenagers, we seldom had any regular interactions. This may have been a result of his view that we were academic competitors and he had to do as well in classes as I had done each preceding year. And he did. He may not have been valedictorian for his class, but he was within the top ten. On the other hand, I greatly envied him his popularity, especially throughout high school. He continued to exhibit this leadership after college. Following his return from Brown University and graduation from Youngstown State, he became part of the banking system for Niles. Shortly afterwards, he was elected mayor. He also served as President of the City Council for thirty-four years.

Fremont had a younger sister, Mary Ann (born 1939). She was only four years my junior, but we seldom interacted throughout our lives. Some forty years ago, upon our moving to Houston, I discovered she was living here, also. Over the intervening years we have met only twice.

Of all of my cousins, my closest, as I’ve written, were members of the Weida clan, especially RoseMary and Donna. My relationship has been limited with their siblings, Wanda, Charlie, Bill, Althea and Michael. My other maternal cousins came from smaller families. They were Caroline (Corky) and Diane, the daughters of Uncle Frank Moransky. Caroline, born in 1940, is only five years younger than I am. The others born in 1940 had no siblings. Although both Billie Jr. (Uncle Bill Moransky’s son) and Frankie Jr. (Uncle Frank Borecki’s son) were only five years younger than I, we interacted more than I did with my other cousins, perhaps because they were, also, the “only child” in the family.

RoseMary and her husband, George Karnofel, continued to be my closest relatives. When Karen and I would return to visit Niles while living in Ithaca, we four would spend afternoons and evenings with pots of coffee, packs of cigarettes, and hours of conversation on just about every conceivable topic. Neither of them had attended college, but their native wisdom and multiple interests were well beyond the content of others who had never left the hometown and had retained minds closed to the world-at-large. RoseMary had heart problems much of her life. In 1986 she died during an operation at the Cleveland Clinic. Four decades later, I still miss her as much as if she had departed only yesterday.

Over the intervening years, I maintained an at-a-distance relationship with Donna, who had moved to New York City while I was living in Oregon. When Karen and I moved to Bethesda and later to Amherst, Donna managed to leave the City to spend a few days with us. We also stayed with her in her flat in lower Manhattan. Fond memories are recalled for all of our adventures prior to her death in 2016 from her own heart-problems. Donna loved the City, from her first days there on her own, through the terrible ones following Nine-Eleven, when she stopped riding the subway and desired to remain above ground at all times. With buses, cabs and much walking, she led us on explorations of her City, from Ellis Island to Central Park.

During the last few years, Karen and I have had an on-going Facebook relationship with Michael, the youngest of the Weidas. It shocked Karen and me when we were notified of his sudden death in November 2022. His brother Bill had died in 2021 from heart problems, as had their sister Althea many years ago. At the moment, I am the oldest of the remaining cousins: Caroline, Diane, Charlie, Donald, David and Mary Ann. Our number has become a mere half-dozen of cousins.

What’s in a Name?

My maternal grandfather arrived at Ellis Island in the early 1900’s as Wiktor Murawski and left as William Moransky. The agent wanted him to be “Moran” but my grandfather, insisting he was to remain Polish, agreed to accept “-sky” on the end of the proposed Irish name. Back then, Immigration agents seemed to have a preference for the initial sound of a name. Thus, the Slavic “W,” resembling the English “wah,” became “William” instead of “Victor.” This is probably the reason why my mother, some half-dozen years later, became “Victoria.” However, all of her relatives and friends called her “Vicki.” My Polish grandmother’s name also underwent spelling changes. Rosalia Olupkwicz became Rose Yulip, sometimes, Elip.

The Italian side fared better. My grandfather Luigi became Lewis Camerino. It’s possible that his Immigration agent was Welsh and chose this spelling instead of “Louis.” My paternal grandmother, Dologizia Russo, became the more anglicized “Dorothy.” When my father came along, he was baptized Pellegrino, which means “pilgrim.” As a result, my own problems later became more associated with those of Johnny Cash than John Wayne.

When Pellegrino started school, his teacher was unwilling to call him by such a strange name, or she may have had difficulty spelling it. Family legend has it that he was designated as “Patty.” No reason was given as to why it was not “Paddy,” except my Italian grandfather, like my Polish one, probably did not want anything that could be interpreted as Irish.

Decades later, when I was to be baptized, my mother chose “Ronald” for my first name; she had a great liking for the actor Ronald Coleman. Back then, mothers were thought to be too frail, following childbirth, to leave the house, even for a baptism at church. When my father returned after the ceremony, he announced I had been baptized after him. I left home unnamed and returned as “Patty.” Among all of our relatives I became “Patty Jr.” At Lincoln Elementary, the name omitted the “Junior.” During the first six years in grade school, problems about my name were limited. This was not the case when I entered Washington Junior High School.

For some reason gender designation was not part of the transfer record. As Patty, I was automatically enrolled for seventh grade classes in Home Economics and girls’ gym. The error was quickly corrected. On the other hand, larger problems began to loom. As time passed, I began to dislike the name everyone called me, for its own, intrinsic, gender confusion and, even more so, because of the increasing estrangement between my father and me. Temporary relief came during the eighth grade when we moved from Niles to my grandmother’s farm in Mineral Ridge and I was enrolled as “Pat” in my new junior high. The problem resurfaced when, in the following year, we returned to Niles and the old neighborhood.

The memory of former and new classmates led to a mixture of “Patty” and “Pat,” divided, in part, on how close a friend the person might be. At Niles McKinley High School, new friends would use “Pat,” old friends might use either version, but rivals, new or old, found “Patty” to be a most useful put-down. The only positive result of the name confusion, if looked upon as such, came at graduation when I, along with all of the female students, received a shoebox-size, cedar hope-chest from a local department store!

In my teenage years when I chose a name for my Confirmation in the Catholic Church, I took on “William,” the American name of my maternal grandfather and his elder son, my favorite uncle. This name also gave me the middle initial “W,” which was usually not found among female names. Thus, when I entered college, and forever after, I could present myself as “Pat W.” Then, in the summer of 1965, the name became legal.

As I was about to enter service in the federal government, I needed to produce a copy of my birth certificate. The official one I received in response to a recent inquiry to the State of Ohio had a most interesting inclusion for my name. The line read “Baby Boy!” I had been born thirty years previously on my grandmother’s farm. No one had reported a name to the State of Ohio. Much to my father’s dislike, I convinced my mother to go with me to the county courthouse to testify that I was “Pat William Camerino.” A new birth certificate was issued; my record with the Social Security Administration was amended.

My alias, my aka, is now “Patty,” for everything else I’m really “Pat W.” or, if I’m in the mood, “Pat Wm.” So, what’s in a name? A lot!

Peddling Up, No Peddling Down

Washington Junior High School was located at the highest point in Niles. Well, maybe McKinley Heights was actually higher, but the final block getting to Hartzell Avenue, where the school was located, was extremely difficult to climb, let alone to peddle a bicycle. This was my destination in the seventh grade. Two years before, I had received a red bike, the classic Schwinn with a big white stripe. It had, of course, only one gear and balloon tires. However, it did have a headlamp, a wire basket on the handlebars, and a bell.

During my initial, bikeless, years, I had attended the grade school across the street from my house. My new, junior high was a mile away, and up that hill. I rode two blocks north on Cedar, a right turn onto Pearl, a hard push upwards to Hartzell, and several more to WJHS. It was that last block on Pearl, from Orchard to Hartzell, that was the killer. Few kids were able to peddle straight up. Like most, I had to tack from side to side for that last block, hoping no cars would be around, because then I’d have to get off the bike and push it the rest of the way. In fact, I probably pushed my bike more than I peddled it on that damnation block. Going home was much easier.

On the way down Pearl, I was able to fly. It was possible to coast almost all the way. The original momentum from Hartzell would last all the way to Cedar. All I needed to do was to stay on the seat when crossing Orchard, since the tendency was to become air-born at that junction.

I made the round-trip twice each day. We had an hour for lunch and there was no cafeteria. Not many kids brought a sandwich in a paper sack, unless the weather was bad. When I reached home, there would be the usual soup and sandwich (peanut butter/jelly, cheese or bologna) waiting for me to gobble down before returning to school, by foot on days of rain or snow, or by bike for the better ones.

The late afternoon trip home, however, often did take longer, even with using the coasting-all-the-way method. There was a little shop about halfway along Pearl. On many a late afternoon, I would stop there for a few minutes. If the weather were warm, it was the place to buy an orange Nehi or a Hires root beer for a dime, in order to make it the rest of the way home. It was also the place to take a peek at the latest Astounding science-fiction magazine, even if I did not have the quarter to buy one. The space monsters and rocket ships on the covers were magnificent and the heroes created by Heinlein or Bradbury were the best to be found. If the manager looked mean while I browsed the pulps, I would pay a penny for a piece of bubble gum in a red, white and blue wrapper with its Bazooka Joe comic strip. Or, if I could afford it, a nickel for a strip of Turkish Taffy, which did a wonderful job of sticking my teeth together.

Back then, a bicycle was a relatively safe method of travel. My only mishap occurred when the tallest kid in the neighborhood, and later the center on the high school basketball team, straddled the rear seat of my bike while I was riding. We fell. I bit through my lower lip and knocked out a middle tooth. A quick trip to the neighborhood doctor resulted in several stitches in my lower lip, leaving a lump there for the rest of my life. Somehow, Dr. Williamson rammed the tooth back into place and its root took hold. I had a crooked incisor until only a few years ago when my dentist finally reconfigured my teeth.

Bike riding remained as my primary method for getting from place to place during those years of junior and senior high school. I admit riding a bike to and from Washington Junior High was more enjoyable than it was for traveling to Niles McKinley High School. Although peddling up was less exciting than coasting down, I began to realize that both efforts have appropriate places throughout life. I also began to recognize there is still a lot to accomplish between peddling up and not peddling down.

Life Up the Hill

I had about six weeks remaining at the end of seventh grade when we needed to move from Cedar Street, because Mrs. Andrews, having increased our rent, found new tenants willing to pay what my father would not. In order for me to finish the schoolyear without changing schools, my parents decided to live with my father’s parents, as well as with his two brothers, Joe and Frank, and their sister, Mary, in the family homestead on Robbins Avenue. For my mother, it was Hell; for me it was merely a nuisance. My mother had little to do when we lived there except to be lonely. Most of the time, my father’s family spoke only Italian. My grandmother maintained that’s all she knew. She tried to hide the fact her understanding of spoken English was more than adequate. The subterfuge was very useful for her control of everything up-the-hill.

“Up-the-hill.” That designation resulted from the geography of Niles. Robbins Avenue rose from the Mahoning Valley, downtown, toward McKinley Heights, east of the city. Several years previously, my grandparents and their adult children had moved to this location from their home on Vienna Avenue, where my cousin, Fremont, and I had played for many years. For reasons unknown to me, their move had been very rapid. The Vienna Avenue house must have been a rental, and new tenants were due to arrive imminently. The home on Robbins Avenue was the first one my father’s relatives owned. In fact, ownership, rather than rental, was highly uncommon among almost all of my relatives.

My father’s family actually lived in a modified garage instead of a real house. My grandfather, Luigi, had been a house-painter-paperhanger with his own business, which was now run by his son, Joe, aided by any of his five brothers when they were not otherwise employed. The garage had been built early to accommodate all of the equipment needed for the business. Although a separate, formal house had been planned, it was never built. The remodeled garage became their home for the rest of the lives of my grandparents, their unmarried daughter, Mary, and their oldest son, Joe.

The garage’s masonry structure, with a few shingles to give it an appearance more suitable for the neighborhood, had two floors. The lower floor had a modest kitchen and a larger “storage room.” The kitchen contained a family-sized table and a bench along the wall for kids. The other three sides had chairs for the real adults, which did not include my mother, who was consigned to the bench. On the wall above the bench there was a painting of an old man praying over a bowl and bible. It was one of my favorite recollections of the house’s furnishings. Years later, Uncle Joe gave this illustration to me. Since then, it has hung near my kitchen table everywhere we lived.

Another large piece of kitchen furniture was a sideboard for dishes, cups and glasses. Aunt Mary also used it for every knickknack she owned, many of which were plastic birds. I once swore that my own house, when I had one, would not be cluttered with such doodads. I was wrong.

The kitchen area also had a couch/daybed where Uncle Joe napped when he could. In addition, Aunt Mary kept her sewing machine there. This room, of course, was the focal point for family gatherings. During warm weather everyone sat outside, on Adirondack chairs with cups of coffee resting on the flat arms.

The storage room adjoining the kitchen was divided with sheets to make it into three spaces, one for home-canned produce, other foodstuffs, and everything else that needed to be stored. The second space held a very large, roll-top desk Uncle Joe used for all of his paperwork. (I loved that desk and, for much of my life, wanted one just like it.) A third area, separated off by the roll-top desk, held the true kitchen, the one used for all of the family-cooking on a large, wood-burning, gas-converted stove. The electric stove in the other kitchen was used for only very special events.

The first floor, off the kitchen, had a bathroom with a toilet and primitive shower for everyone who lived there. In the shower, I had to pull a cord to turn on the water for rinsing, after a previous application of soap to my damp body, as I balanced on a wood-slated platform, which allowed drainage during the bathing procedure.

The second floor, accessed by an oak staircase, consisted of an unused parlor, a music room, a bedroom for my grandparents, a second bedroom for my Aunt Mary, who now shared her bed with my mother(!) and a dormitory. This common area is where I had my own narrow, brass bed, as did my father and each of his two brothers living there at the time.

The Robbins Avenue property, itself, consisted of eight, home-sized lots. Behind the garage-cum-home was a smaller, wooden building filled with ladders, painting supplies and Uncle Joe’s truck. Most of the rest of the property was dedicated to an extensive vegetable garden. Plastic flowers were placed in sites where vegetables could not be planted. A tub of rainwater, collected through a drain from the roof, was used to irrigate all of the edibles. Throughout the summer, my grandfather sold his excess vegetables from a produce-stand near the Avenue.

We moved “up-the-hill” in early spring of 1948. My mother survived, as did I, until very early June, when we moved to the country and my maternal grandmother’s farm where I had been born. During the several months we lived on Robbins Avenue, I found that living “up-the-hill” was not much different from being “up-the-creek.”

The Music Room

When I described my grandparents’ garage-converted-house, where we lived for several months in 1948, I mentioned the “music room.” Such a designation may sound a bit strange. A music room and a collection of Caruso records were usually not found on the second floor of a masonry garage converted into a home. However, Uncle Joe, who really was in charge of the extended Camerino family, although his sister, Mary, might have disputed such a claim, was an avid opera buff. He enjoyed pointing out he had been blessed by living when both Enrico Caruso and Luciano Pavarotti were opera stars. Caruso died in 1921; Joe had been born in 1906, so the actual overlap lasted until he was fifteen.

Uncle Joe, himself, had sung opera in his younger years. It must have been during the middle of the “roaring twenties” that he performed with the Metropolitan Opera. Family legend was silent on any details, and I never inquired about his musical career. At one time, a photograph of Joe in operatic tights and blouse hung in the music room. How long he stayed in New York City and what occurred there remained a mystery. My guess was that the family called him back to Ohio to be part of the family business.

Once back home, my Uncle continued to listen to the great Caruso and owned a copy of every 78-rpm vinyl record Enrico made. Unfortunately, Joe began to go deaf at an early age. He made use of earphones, when they came along, to listen to his collection; but he died twenty years before technology allowed for the fidelity found today. When Uncle Joe died, my cousin Fremont, who was the executor of the estate, tried to donate the Caruso-Pavarotti collection to Youngstown University. However, the university was not interested and so all of those albums were tossed into the Niles city dump!

The music room, itself, was destroyed when the garage-house was torn down a few years ago. It had once been a place for opera and prayer. The room held a writer’s desk, many glass cabinents housing the record collection, and a couch for use while the records played on a very good Victrola. There was also a spinet piano. I don’t know who might have played it, although I did use it while we lived there. My short-time spent taking piano lessons did not have a large payoff.

As for the room’s use for prayer, this occurred, of course, during Caruso’s and Pavarotti’s performances, but also in another, typically Italian, way. The corner of the music room, where the doorways to all three of the adjoining bedrooms interconnected, was also the site for a built-in wall-niche accommodating all of the “house saints.”

Historically, Roman homes had a place for all of the Lares et Penates, the family gods and guardians. The true Italian home had a place for the statues and pictures of the saints special to the family. The music room niche housed ours, including a Christ figure inside a small lamp, the size of a lightbulb! Over the years, the lamp’s glass cover became blackened, as did the inside of many old bulbs, but it never, to my knowledge, burned out. I have no idea what became of it.

Our own bedroom in Houston now has a two-foot-high, glass case enclosing an Infant of Prague with a white-cloth gown and a red-cape sewed by Aunt Mary before I was born. Originally this statue was the focal point for the music room’s house-shrine. Later in life, I saw the original wax image in the Discalced Carmelite Church of Our Lady of Victory in Prague. The Christ-child, at that time, wore a blue cape rather than Aunt Mary’s red one. This bedroom relic, taken from its small shrine overlooking that old music room, has survived much better than the Caruso albums did.

The Farm

My grandmother Moransky’s farm was in Mineral Ridge, Ohio. The land was located on both sides of “Murtha Rode,” running parallel to Main Street about a mile away, toward the east. The house and its vegetable gardens were on one side, the barn and hay fields on the other. The house was torn down more than a decade ago; the former tarmac road became the “Niles-Carver Road.” The Farm remains vividly alive in my memory as the place where I spent happy days in 1948-49, at the outset of my teenage transition. Many of my hours drifted by in my bedroom, overlooking the back fields with their ancient apple trees. My alternative location was on a squeaky, pillow-covered glider on the front porch, hidden from the close-by, dusty road by a tall pine, which may have started life as a Christmas tree long before I was born in this very house. This porch is where I relaxed on many summer days.

The porch opened into the front parlor and its adjoining side-parlor, with their overstuffed chairs and sofas. This furniture was, of course, used only when company came, company that was more than the relatives who gathered around the table in the real dining room beyond the front parlor. This dining room was the home’s true “living-room.” The formal dining room, off of the side-parlor, was seldom, if ever, used for a meal. The front parlor was dominated by a typical, stuffed stag’s head, which may or may not have been a family trophy; its origin was never confirmed.

A large kitchen with a gas-stove and an adjoining pantry with its hand-pump, completed the first floor of the farmhouse. This kitchen was actually used for cooking, except during the summer months when an auxiliary kitchen in the “summerhouse” was made available. The pantry was large enough to accommodate a movable wash tub used for sequential baths. As the youngest, I always went first on bath nights.

A spindled staircase led from the front parlor to the second floor and four bedrooms. My parents had the large one at the top of the stairs. My grandmother had one of the two back bedrooms; I had the other one. Along the hallways were a fourth, spare bedrooms. Behind one of its doors was an enclosed staircase to the attic, my favorite hideout during the right time of the year.

The attic was overly hot during humid, summer days and overly cold in blustery winters. The front window, the only window, allowed drafts in both directions during summer and winter. In spring and fall, the opened window provided a welcomed breeze. The hazy glass and spider webs made it difficult to see what was going on outside. The attic took up the entire third floor. It held boxes and trunks, filled with ancient magic, along with broken furniture. Tucked between the open timbers were shelves with semi-disintegrating books with cowboy and adventure stories suitable for a teenage boy like me. It was exciting to read them as I sat on the floor near the window with its dead-spider webs. This location was very different from the venue of the front porch I used for summertime reading.

There was also the summerhouse, but I seldom entered it, except when it rained too hard for me to remain “outside” when I wanted to escape the main house. This one-room building was modest in size and furnishings. It held a wood-burning stove along with picnic tables and chairs for use during the summer when cooking in the real kitchen made the main-house much too hot in a time without ceiling-fans and air-conditioning. The summerhouse was located between the detached garage and the grape arbor, near the backdoor into the main kitchen.

The arbor was a pleasant, shady place to sit during the summer. In fall, the grapes were too sour for me to eat. The nearby cherry tree had summer fruit which I thought was equally sour, although adults found it to be acceptable. With enough added sugar, they made delicious cherry pies. Another good, shady place was the back-porch off the main kitchen. Nearby was an outdoor pump that demanded extreme priming before any water would flow from it. Actually, all of the pumps needed priming, the one in the basement as well as the pantry pump. None of the water was drinkable. Too much iron residue. We filled water bottles for consumption whenever we went “up-the-hill” or visited other relatives.

I found the lack of indoor plumbing to be tolerable, except for one recurring event. I hated the outhouse and everything about it, including the long walk from the back-porch, down the brick path, past the grape arbor to that smelly Center of Hell guarded by obnoxious, orange tiger lilies. At least during the coldest winter mornings, I could use the chamber pot discreetly located in the basement. A mysterious house-elf took care of the transfer of its contents to the Center of Hell. Her work made my life more bearable.

The days spent on the Farm are the most nostalgic ones I have. I can readily recall them whenever I sit in the warm sunshine beaming down on the flower gardens of Eagle’s Trace. I continue to hate orange tiger lilies!

Life with Duke & Boots

Across the road from my grandmother’s farmhouse, stood a weathered barn. It was used for storage of broken farm equipment and all large items that had to be saved for reasons only God and Depression survivors knew. When I was young, hay was stored on the upper floor. I’m not sure why this mowed grass was kept, but I do recall joyfully riding, with my cousins, on a tractor-pulled, hay wagon during cutting season. We were strictly forbidden to climb the rickety ladder and hide in the collected hay. We usually obeyed. Only our heads would poke above the loft’s floor, with a hope of seeing some hidden surprise.

A farm is supposed to have farm animals. My grandmother’s farm probably had them once-upon-a-time. My memories of them may very well be false or ones based upon old photos. There is a snapshot of my father riding a cow. I’m sure his mother-in-law objected to that action. I also vaguely recall a pig and piglets in a pen behind the barn, a site at the bottom of a mound upon which the barn had been built to make it level with the road in front of it. There was also a chicken coop, although it may have been the home for what would later be called “free-range” birds. No cows, pigs or chickens lived on the farm when I resided there for a year. Only the dogs remained.

There was “Blackie,” a vicious Doberman-pincher controlled only by my grandmother, and, if there was an emergency, by my father. Blackie was chained outside the door to the barn. No one would dare get too close. However, if you timed it well, you could run into the barn while he stood barking and snarling at the full limit of his chain. It broke only a few times when we lived there.

My grandmother’s dog was “Mickey.” His breed was indeterminate. He was less than half the size of Blackie. He had semi-curly hair with a color ranging from dirty-white to yellow or grey. He had an upturned tail constantly in motion. Mickey could be petted, but he was always my grandmother’s dog.

Then there was “Duke.” He was my dog. He came to the farm as a cuddly brown and white collie, who grew up to look like “Lassie,” really a “Laddie,” as had been the original movie star. Duke and I explored the land around the farm. We took long walks through the back fields and undergrowth in the surrounding woods that led to an old stone-quarry. We sat and played near a stream separating the trees and the quarry. In midsummer the water might disappear, but even when it was gurgling past, the width was only a few feet at best, sufficient to keep Duke busy and happy chasing floating leaves and sticks.

Occasionally, we entered the nearby mine that once supplied coal for my grandfather’s use. A small railroad cart still remained, rusted onto its original rails from which it could not be budged. The larger coal and iron mines of Mineral Ridge had long ago been played out. Only symbolic sites in danger of collapse remained. We could not venture far into the mine which had been closed by an earlier cave-in. It was pleasant to daydream outside, on a warm, summer afternoon. We always returned home in time for dinner.

Sometimes we were joined by “Boots.” She was my kitten, who grew into a non-curious cat. Her body and head were deep black, except for a white face. She had four white paws that gave her the classical feline name. She preferred to ride on my shoulder or, when she was a small kitten, on the top of my head. Usually, she did not come on adventures with Duke and me, but if she were in the right mood, she might tag along looking for field mice.

Duke and Boots, as well as Mickey, were outdoors inhabitants. Duke and Mickey had their own doghouses. Boots would find a comfortable spot in the summerhouse and sometimes would be joined by her canine friends. They all knew that Blackie had his own, limited territory all to himself.

I’m not sure what happened to Duke or to Boots. She did not show up for dinner one evening toward the end of my year on the farm. When I moved back to the old neighborhood in Niles, Duke remained on the farm. Not too long after the move, I was told he had run away. Like the origin of the stag’s head in my grandmother’s front parlor, the story was never confirmed. He still roams through my memory where he frolics in a stream we once shared on warm, summer afternoons.

Country Roads

Riding a bike down picturesque, country roads may now be a vacation luxury, but seventy years ago it was the only way to get to school. It was that or walking the mile from the Farm to Mineral Ridge High School as I had to do, when it rained or snowed. There was no school bus; we did not own a car. The method of self-transportation depended upon the weather. Most of the year I was able to peddle along. There were no hills. There were no houses. There were only a few farms and narrow driveways leading to others such as the Seaborn Farm where the school superintendent lived. I saw it only from a distance, even though Don Seaborn was a friend from school.

Most of what I saw was from a distance. Red and yellow trees in fall, bare boned in winter, hazy green in midsummer. Halfway between the Farm and school was a lover’s spot for parking. It was years later I learned why it had so many rubber rings lying about. Back then it was merely a place for a comfortable rest on the way home, letting the breeze take care of the sweat I’d worked up.

Often Bill Pennel, my best friend during my time in Mineral Ridge, would peddle with me a quarter of the way, along Main Street on our way from school. It was not uncommon to spend a half-hour talking at the spot where the road I would take to the Farm split off from Main Street, where he lived, in a low, white-shingled house which I saw only from a distance. Strangely, perhaps, during my entire life as a teenager, I never visited any friend in his own home

Our crossroad conversations covered all of the worldly topics attractive to teenage boys in the late 1940’s. It is said that girls are the ones who gossip. Teenage boys, as well, have a lot to share about everyone around them. The two of us met infrequently once I left Mineral Ridge; we lost contact over the years that followed. I did know that Bill had earned a law degree from Harvard and ultimately practiced in New York.

There were other journeys besides the one to and from school. If I left the Farm and biked toward Niles, I immediately went down and up the gully bordering the Farm. Coming home I could gain enough speed to coast up the dip and arrive at the Farm without being out of breath. On the other side of the gully was the Smutz Farm. Mr. Smutz raised chickens that laid brown eggs. He is the farmer who taught me how to shake hands! He said I must always have a firm grip, absolutely required for a manly handshake.

An alternative of a bike-ride into Niles, was one to Lake Meander, the local reservoir for the Niles area, that was on the other side of Mineral Ridge. However, every road that could be coasted down would, ultimately, need to be peddled up. Even then, I was averse to anything that was too physically demanding.

Especially grass cutting. But that was a requirement. The field across the road from the farmhouse had to be mowed, along with the side yards, with or without fruit trees. At the time, the only available machine was a reel-mower. I had to push it for the reel to turn over-and-over and trim the grass. Sometimes a bag was attached to the back of the mower to capture the trimmings for composting. It was a lot heavier and harder to push during composting season. Bike riding was the exercise I preferred. Fortunately, there were no other physical chores to be done on the farm.

My only chore, if the term is applied to a routine household task, was recipe reading! My grandmother Moransky worked as the cook, hardly a chef, for a local steel-mill. She readily spoke English but could not read it. To prepare for cooking the next day’s meals in the factory, she needed to be reminded of the ingredients and process for the upcoming menu. Every evening, I was assigned the responsibility of reading recipes to her from three-by-five index cards someone had made for her. She would have preferred cooking her Polish dishes from memory, but the steel-mill managers, if not the workers, themselves, wanted American meals.

Country roads and bike riding, brown eggs and handshakes, old-fashioned lawn mowing, and recipe reading may have little in common, but they are among my favorite recollections of a year living on my grandmother’s farm, even if, at the time, mowing its large fields was hardly a favorite event.

Rams and Dragons

It’s not the quantity but the quality that flavors memories. We moved from Niles to the Farm in June 1948 and returned to the old neighborhood in October 1949. This short interval has granted me my fondest teenage memories. It was a time of acceptance, of being part of a peer group that has existed for more than a half century. It was the launching of a journey to the stars and my future.

For many, the eighth grade is merely the beginning of junior high school, a time of disconnection. For me, it was a time for self-integration, for learning I could become who I am rather than who others thought I was or should be.

It was my first exposure to arithmetic, grammar, science and history for eighth grade and English, algebra, ancient history and Latin for the ninth. I remember standing in line one day with classmates from my homeroom, under the charge of Miss Boncila, and, while waiting for something to begin, spoke with her about my future. I told her I liked languages, history and science and didn’t know what I should pursue. Back then, thoughts of future careers were implanted at an early age. She offered several possibilities for subjects I’d never really heard of, subjects such as “linguistics” or “history of science” or a combination of biology and chemistry which was being started in a few universities, something called “biological chemistry” or “biochemistry.” We weren’t sure how I could make a living doing any of them.

I was also exposed to activities far from what I would have considered the year before. It was agreed I could not sing, and piano playing really wasn’t my calling, either. But it would be good to be part of the band, perhaps the marching band. How about a “baritone?” This brass instrument was lighter to carry than a tuba and easier to learn how to play than either a trumpet or trombone. The school, recognizing beginners could be put-off by the cost of buying instruments, made it inexpensive to rent a baritone and take free lessons during music class. Practicing outside on the front porch of the farmhouse was beneficial for the entire family during the months I tried to become a member of the band. Fortunately, I had other talents that were less out of tune.

I could draw, and I liked to draw. I never took an art lesson, but I was asked to do the covers for the bi-weekly “Echo,” which was put out by the students as the mimeographed school bulletin. Mineral Ridge High School could never afford to produce a student newspaper. The curriculum did not offer courses in journalism. However, I had great fun drawing covers depicting a high-school quarterback, or a baseball pitcher. Mr. Yoakim coached the Rams, the football team. One Echo cover I drew had “Pappy Yokum,” Li’l Abner’s parent, leading a ram on a rope.

But the most important “event” during my junior-high days was merely being accepted, to have fun with others, to learn that a happy future would be possible.

I still have a deep interest in languages and the history of science and of ideas. My doctorate is in biochemistry. I am also invited to class reunions for those who actually graduated from Mineral Ridge High School in 1953, although I am an alumnus from Niles McKinley and not MRHS. I have the choice of being either a Ram or a Red Dragon. I can be Aries, a zodiac sign, or Draco, a constellation. Either way, I can continue my journey to the stars and beyond.

Back to the Old Neighborhood

After a year, my mother found it was no easier living with her mother than it had been with her mother-in-law and we returned to Niles, to the old neighborhood. Although there were other houses available in town, my father got along very well with Mrs. Andrews, the landlady who owned our old house on Cedar Street and who, no doubt, offered a rental he could easily afford, both in dollars and in the time he contributed taking care of her yard and repairing odds-and-ends around her own home. So, we moved into another house she owned that was previously rented by my music teacher on Seneca Street.

The front room, once occupied by Mrs. Corbett’s piano, was now filled with a red couch, stuffed chair, knickknack table and left-over dining-room chair. The adjoining room served as a place for meals, if relatives ate eat with us. The first floor of the house was completed by a small kitchen, yet one large enough for a table and chairs, allowing us to eat daily meals there instead of in the dining room.

The kitchen was equipped with a gas stove and a real Frigidaire. Refrigerators in lieu of ice boxes had now come into vogue for city living. The grandparents’ houses up-the-hill and on-the-farm had them, therefor my father could not complain too much about this modern appliance in our current home. Now my glass of water could have ice cubes from aluminum trays with a pop-up lever for releasing them. I could also make my own popsicles from flavored Kool-Aid and the flat sticks bought in the grocery store.

The usual pantry and sink adjoined the kitchen. Enclosed stairs from the kitchen led past a landing for the backdoor and down into the basement with its modern washer. We did not yet own a drier. Depending upon the season, wet clothes still hung on lines outdoors or in the cellar.

Access to the second floor was from the front room. There were two bedrooms and a bathroom with the usual claw-footed tub. The house, itself, had been built only three feet away from a two-story apartment building next door. The window-shade in our bathroom was consistently pulled down to preclude a too-intimate communication with our neighbors.

My bedroom gave a view of the Lincoln schoolyard. My desk was located so I could see what was happening outside at any time of the day or evening. Over the next four years, I spent many hours staring out that window and, on many sleepless evenings, listening to the moaning of the train passing through Niles to places I one day wanted to see.

The best feature of my room was a very low, but long, closet under the eaves that contained all of our out-of-season stuff, and a lot of my precious junk, including boxes of comic books my mother later discarded while I was away at college. The collection had been in mint condition, since I did not allow any of my friends to borrow them. My favorite, of course, was Mad Magazine which cost a mere dime! I sometimes wonder what Captain Marvel and Action Comics might be worth today.

Nothing physical had changed since I had left the neighborhood a year ago and reappeared at age fourteen. I missed the new friends I had found in the country. In both locations, no friends my age lived close-by. Nevertheless, in the Ridge the days at school and on the farm had passed pleasantly. I learned there was a difference between being alone and being lonely.

Junior High Beginnings

A Freshman in a junior high building designed for grades seven through nine should have a magnificent year. I could have been a top-dog and not an underdog or some sort of bottom feeder subject to the predation of upperclassmen. My own experiences do not confirm this conclusion.

The beginning of my freshman year in high school in Mineral Ridge had been great. I had been readily accepted by upperclassmen, even Seniors, as well as my fellow classmates. Returning to Washington Junior High School, I was a Nebbish, even if this word for my “nothingness” did not exist, at the time, in my vocabulary. This role may have been the result of my entering the ninth grade after classes had begun for the academic year. Although I had been at WJHS for my entire seventh grade, my absence in the eighth made me an invisible kid to my peers, only fourteen months later. My teachers welcomed me back. Once more they had someone to respond to the questions they posed. Maybe that was part of the problem.

The language of junior high had not yet included the word, geek, but the concept, none-the-less, existed. I gradually learned that the only way to turn geekdom into an advantage was to help other kids get through their own classes. At reunions many years after high school graduation, I was informed by fellow alums that they had made it through Latin only because of the ponies I had trotted out for them.

No doubt the content of the classes I took was relevant to my later studies, but I recall little about them or the teachers who taught them. I did like study halls. They were not overly supervised and so it was possible to whisper to others assigned to the same open-period. However, given my social standing, my own whispers were limited. I had plenty of time to complete my homework during school hours and, thus, free myself for other events after school.

Yet, there was little for which I needed the time I had earned. Although I knew the jocks who took part in under-varsity sports and I attended their football, basketball and track events in season, I never became part of the group who gathered around the popular ones. I was, also, not readily welcomed into other extracurricular activities and seldom thrust myself upon them in junior high. A couple of years later, I attempted to fit in with other students.

So, my freshman year slowly dragged on, making limited memories of what a dreary time I was experiencing. There were hopes that next year, as a sophomore in high school, things would be different. I would be moving to Niles McKinley High School. In this new location the size of the class would expand by our joining with kids from Jefferson Junior High, which served the other side of Niles. I recognized I needed to change, perhaps become more assertive in meeting new people. I knew the life being expressed during my freshman days could not be endured for another year.

Year of the Wise Fool

When does the new year begin? For most people the answer is January 1. Not for me. For almost all of my life, the year begins in September, with the start of the academic year; it results from my time spent as a student and in my career in higher education.

Back in 1950, when I was fifteen, I looked forward to changes that would commence when the leaves turned to reds and golds. I was anxious to begin my sophomore year, the year of the “wise fool.” It was then that I transferred from Washington Junior High School to the 10th grade at Niles McKinley High School. It was supposed to have been a year of change, of improvement. There would be new kids to meet, those from the southwest side of Niles who had not gone to WJHS. And it worked, more or less.

This was also the time when my Journaling began. I had purchased a thin, brown, spiral-ring Engagements book. Each page had space for multiple days but little room for any extensive entries, which was actually a good limitation. The first entry I made was for Monday, January 1, 1951, halfway through my sophomore year. It read: “HAPPY NEW YEAR, family played Canasta ‘till 1 A.M., went to 12 Mass. About 5:00, Mom and I went to Camerino’s.”

Canasta was a family card-game I played back then, along with Hearts. My father and uncles were avid Pinochle players; I never learned how to play the game. Given that January 1 is a major Holy Day, back then called the Feast of the Circumcision, I had to attend Mass. An obligatory holiday dinner was mandated for going up-the-hill for the evening.

The entry for January 30 stated that for the first semester of my sophomore year I received 3 A’s and 1 B, but omits what courses they were for. My guess would be that the B was in plane geometry, since Miss Galster, who taught everything she had learned directly from Euclid and Archimedes, seldom, if ever, gave an A to anyone for any mathematical course.

During the first days of February, classes were cancelled because of a foot of snow. The cold I picked up led me to Dr. Williamson’s office for a penicillin shot, no doubt part of the reason I’m now allergic to this antibiotic.

Another entry that month indicated I was nominated for president of the sophomore class and that Bob Wick was elected. Bob was probably the most popular kid in high school; he was elected class president every year.

One of the items of interest was a trip to Kent State on May 5 to take the district test in Biology. A week later I learned I’d placed seventh in the northwestern Ohio district. The only real social event worth noting was decorating the gym for the Sophomore Class Party with the theme “Old Shanty Town.” Evidently I did attend and reported that I “had a lot of fun.”

Wednesday, June 6, 1951, was the last day of the year, once more I ended up with 4 A’s and 1 B. The notation for that final day included the statement: “Miss G was nice today.” The additional class was personal-use typing. It would seem, on rereading this Engagements book, that the year of the wise fool was less boring than I thought it was at that time. There may not have been events of any special nature, but I did survive it, being “alone” much of the time, but not feeling overly lonely, a true wise-fool.

Nothing Happened Today

“Nothing happened today” are very sad words for a teenager. Being an adolescent suggests something important must occur each and every day. Surveys tell us how young adults text, snap, tweet and message one another 24/7. It’s even essential to transmit photos of what they are about to eat.

Seven decades ago, technology did not exist to document these desires, these needs, but they occurred, none-the-less. Instead, personal events were recorded in diaries, a method going back to Samuel Pepys in the 17th century, if not even to the time when “all of Gaul is divided into three parts.”

My own efforts began, formally, on January 1, 1951, when I was fifteen and a sophomore in high school. Each day there were notations on classes I took and kids I knew; mostly on those I envied, because they always seemed to be “doing” more than I could and were involved with friends I lacked. My own life beyond classes and attendance at basketball games included movies I went to several times a week.

Visits from aunts, uncles and cousins merited comment. More frequently, I went to my paternal grandparent’s home, which I found to be very boring. There’s not much enjoyment in listening to full-volume arguments in Italian when you don’t understand the language, even if the body speaks very eloquently, especially during games of pinochle or hearts.

In addition to visits and battles with relatives, the entries included comments on stamps I bought from the Post Office or from the Jamestown Stamp Company. My other hobby was writing to foreign pen-pals in England, Germany, France and Sweden. What a treasure it would be if only I had kept them, the letters; I still have the stamps.

An even greater treasure would have been if I had made personal comments about worldly events, such as two occurring that fall. Without elaboration, I noted I had listened to the signing of the Japanese Peace Treaty in San Francisco on September 8. Shortly afterwards there was another note about the peace treaty talks beginning on October 24 at a place called Panmunjom , or as I had spelled it: Panmunjun. Instead, I was more inclined to record receiving the latest copy of Open Road, a monthly, teen-magazine, costing ten cents. How I longed for my own “open road!”

The beginning of my make-believe adventure is mentioned for June 26: “Keys of Murder.” An ageing, yellowed-page copy of this uncompleted mystery I began writing that year is probably buried in some box in my closet. Although events, personal and public, were occurring, they held no validity for me. As far as I was concerned, “Nothing happened today.”

In the teen-years to follow, this phrase became almost a daily reference in my high school diaries. There are days when the words were repeated in fancy twirls or strangely formed letters to fill up the vacant space. Back then, the unquiet reader in me wanted a life like the ones lived by Tom Sawyer, the Hardy Boys, and the heroes found in Ellery Queen mysteries, e.g., The Chinese Orange or The Siamese Twin.

Yes, events, real and imaginary, comprised my daily life. It’s possible to visualize them as fog, itself, or objects fogged in by other mists, being alone or being lonely, with all of life ahead of me or all of life behind me. The events of my life can be tasted, in memory, with sweetness or with bitterness. They may be salty or bland. Everything depends upon the truth of the conclusion: “nothing happened today.”

Bank Nite

Before the days of Netflix and streaming videos, films were shown in movie theaters, the rundown sites for more than cinematic entertainment. Teenagers in the early 1950’s had to leave home if they wanted to participate in this visual world.

Although many teens were able to drive, I had to walk two miles to spend a few hours in the Robbins Theater, in the business center of town, or in the McKinley Theater, located at the edge of Niles. The Robbins, next to the Grill, our high school hangout, was preferred to the McKinley, even though its quarter admission was a nickel more expensive. Both showed double features; the Robbins had first-run films rather than mere Westerns. I usually went to the movies several times a week.

In January of 1951, I saw such stars and films as: John Payne in Tripoli and Howard Duff in Shakedown; Judy Garland and Gene Kelly in Summer Stock and Robert Young and Barbara Hale in And Baby Makes Three; James Stewart and Barbara Hale, again, in The Jackpot and Randolph Scott in The Nevadan; Bill Holden and Barry Fitzgerald in Union Station, along with Joan Davis and Andy Devine in The Traveling Saleswoman, a very good mystery and a very good comedy. The month ended with Mario Lanza in The Toast of New Orleans and Broderick Crawford and Glenn Ford in Convicted.

I seldom missed the shows on Wednesday; that was “Bank Nite” at the Robbins but not at the lower-priced McKinley. Between the two midweek films, the theater lights would be turned on, revealing a stage with ragged, burgundy curtains and a small, round wire-cage tumbler, wheeled out for the drawing of the names of winners from an original sign-up list of patrons. The prizes amounted to 5, 10 and 25 dollars for each of the three drawings. You had to be present in order to win; unclaimed dollars were carried over until next week’s event. The largest awards occasionally reached a final, magnificent bounty of $400. So those who came were often less interested in the movies, themselves, than in the chance to become a big winner. The intermission was not the time to buy another bag of ten-cent popcorn, those chewy kernels soaked in a yellow fluid held all of the buttery, salty taste one could consume and not be completely satiated.

“Bank-nite” was not the only method for increasing the sale of movie tickets and popcorn. Alternative evenings would offer free pottery, a different dish each week. It was possible to get six dinner plates and all of the dining accessories, including gravy boat, if you went on a regular basis, as I did. Not all enticements were free, however. In addition to bank-nites and dish-nites, opportunities were presented for the purchase of books, one or two dollars a piece, making up the current Collier’s Encyclopedia. My extended education depended, in part, on the twenty-volume set purchased throughout the year at the movie theater.

Netflix and other media sources provide modern entertainment, but the Robbins Theater offered money, dishes and an advanced education, all for a very reasonable price. You can’t get that by streaming productions onto your cell phone.

Sixteenth Summer

Summertime in my sixteenth year was boring. I tried to get a job at a local Isaly Dairy store and thought I might be lined up for one in Girard, a few miles from Niles. I never heard the reason why it did not turn out. I didn’t really try very hard to find anything else. Summer employment of teens in the early fifties in northeastern Ohio was scarce; all the openings were filled by young adults seeking full-time work.

I did envy my friend, George Davies, who landed a job as an usher at the Robbins Theater. It would have been great earning money instead of spending it there. I must have attended a movie three or four times a week. I’m not sure where I got the money for it, other than from donations from my mother, with a hope I might be there for bank-nite winnings. It certainly wasn’t from my father, who ignored me most of the time, or at least when he was not threatening my mother and me with financial or bodily harm.

I did, however, start writing my mystery novel that June. By the end of the summer I’d completed four chapters of The Keys of Murder. It was a locked-room mystery at a large country estate. I may still have a copy stuffed away in my closet.

I also spent hours working on my stamp collection. I focused on US stamps and made trips to the Niles Post Office. It’s a good thing each stamp cost only three cents back then. In the forties and early fifties, it seemed that the color of almost every stamp was a variation of purple-violet. I’m not sure why I collected stamps, other than FDR did. I did not know any collectors, personally.

I also had time for continuing my correspondence with foreign pen-pals. I wrote a letter to someone almost every other week. A friend gave me the addresses for two Japanese boys he was writing to, but my mother forbid me to correspond with any “Japs.” For some reason, “Germans” were OK. That summer my favorite uncle, Bill Moransky, did take his family and me to a baseball game in Cleveland when they were playing Detroit. The Cleveland Indians was the team to see in person or listen to on the radio. I seldom did either; my father was the one who listened intently to them on the radio and went with his buddies to the games in Cleveland.

On our return trip from Cleveland, Uncle Bill stopped at Nelson Ledges with its rock trails and a few caves where I felt like Tom Sawyer. Since then I’ve enjoyed the occasional chance I’ve had for spelunking in Pennsylvania and west Texas or in Mammoth Caves in Kentucky and Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico.

Another attraction was to visit a shrine, a past-time my mother and her relatives enjoyed. Another uncle, Frank Borecki, took us along with his wife, Rose (my mother’s sister) and their son, Frankie, to Our Lady of Lourdes Shrine near Euclid, Ohio for the Labor Day weekend. I was able to escape the confines of Niles and the Mahoning Valley only on very rare occasions.

I felt a continuing sense of boredom that summer. Since then, I’ve learned I created my own boredom, as did many teenagers who expected the world will freely give them magnificent adventures, like the ones found in the books I read. Nowadays, they use virtual reality and X-Box games to attempt to eliminate that feeling. Nothing much really changes. My boredom was of my own creation, or my own lack of creativity.

Hometown

Niles, Ohio is my hometown. At least that’s the response I give when asked the question. Technically, it’s not the place where I was born, although I often state, even officially, that it is. As noted elsewhere, I was actually born in my grandparents’ house in Mineral Ridge, when my own parents were living above a hardware store on North Cedar Street in Niles. For most people, their hometown is the foundation for their lives, often the place of their favorite memories. While this might be the site of my own foundation, it is not the focus of my favorite recollections.

Although I have alluded to several particular sites in Niles, perhaps an overall compilation would be useful, even if the locations are few. The central building found downtown is the McKinley Memorial with its library and auditorium. I spent many hours in the library while I was a student in the nearby Niles McKinley High School. The baccalaureate services for my graduation from Niles McKinley, along with other citywide assemblies, were held in this auditorium. The second floor, above the library, housed a memorial collection for William McKinley, twenty-fifth President of the United States, who was born in Niles in 1843. However, he spent much of his life in Canton, Ohio, where he was buried following his assassination in 1901.

Other than the memorial building, itself, not much about McKinley’s life and political career were evident in his hometown. His name was incorporated in the designation of other structures, e.g., the McKinley Theater, which showed second-level movies, and the McKinley Grill, next to the Robbins Theater, that served as a local hangout for teenagers. There was also the McKinley Savings and Loan, of which my cousin Fremont was later the CEO. A suburban division of Niles was McKinley Heights, where my mother worked in the local mall, built when I was in highschool.

The tallest structure downtown was the seven-story Niles Bank Building. I never went above the first-floor lobby where the tellers were located. Nearby, between the Niles Bank and the McKinley Memorial were the Post Office and the Fire Station. A block away was the Police Station. Several churches, including St. Stephen’s Roman Catholic Church, were commingled with other surrounding commercial buildings. The only other business building was for the Niles Daily Times, owned and managed by the Wick Family. The local department store, a few drug stores and furniture establishments were part of the downtown collection of businesses along Main Street and its primary crossings, State Street and Park Avenue. I do not remember there being a single restaurant among them. Other than the McKinley Grill, the only place to eat downtown was at the Niles Luncheonette and the Dairy Queen.

There may have been one or two disreputable bars on the outskirts of the downtown area, but I was too young to know much about them. The only comparable place I occasionally visited was the local newsstand/magazine shop which had its backroom I could not enter. I had to be satisfied with the covers on the open stands in the front of the store. I was led to believe the material in the backroom was for “adults-only.” I also understood this was, also, the place for “playing-the-numbers.”

Long before stateside lotteries or nationwide Power Balls were known, my father would choose three numbers he hoped would be called so he could win five or ten dollars, based on a twenty-five or fifty-cent bet. Almost all of my adult relatives played-the-numbers. My maternal grandmother used her dreams to determine, in some mysterious fashion, which three numbers she should play. Occasionally, the pot would grow, as a result of winless rounds, to be almost one-hundred dollars. I never knew anyone who won that much.

The southern end of Main Street was marked by the Viaduct which passed over the Mahoning River not far from its juncture with Mosquito Creek. The pavement consisted of red bricks which rumbled as cars passed over them. Their sound always assured me, when I was being driven home in the evening from relatives living in Mineral Ridge, that we were, indeed, back in Niles, and only a few minutes from our house. Under the Viaduct was the Train Station, which I seldom saw, except when Uncle Joe went off to war. I never had a reason to use the railroad system out of Niles. The Greyhound Bus Terminal was near by and more frequently used. On the north end of Main Street, on the way to Warren, was the General Electric factory where my Aunt Mary worked, making light bulbs.

The Central Park, on the outskirts of downtown and not truly “central,” was the only remaining feature of downtown Niles. The park had a pool and fountain, usually without any water unless there had been a rainstorm. There was seldom anyone in the park. This was a time long before the day of homeless sleepers and to-be-feared wanderers. Nevertheless, I usually walked rapidly under the trees as I ventured from my house into the downtown section of Niles.

Today, almost all of the buildings downtown are empty and boarded up. I would be more reluctant to walk on Main Street late at night now, than in the 1950s. Niles is truly in the nation’s “rust-belt.” Its current claim-to-fame, if there is any, is being the home of Congressman Tim Ryan, who has been a candidate for the U.S. Presidency. Niles is the birthplace of Number 25; it is unlikely to be the birthplace for Number 47.

Mt. Carmel & St. Stephen

School, itself, was not the major site for extracurricular past-times. For many classmates, hours were spent at the local YMCA. Before the tenth grade, for many young Catholics, this “Y” was out-of-bounds. The approved, alternative “Y,” Catholic Youth Organization (CYO), of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, my local parish, was devoted mostly to the jocks. The parish priests, with their limited command of English, were not interested in catechism as much as they were in sports. It wasn’t until the year I was in tenth grade that the parish reintroduced religious classes for Catholic teenagers and a fuss was no longer made if we participated in events held at the YMCA.

I was not part of the gang of boys who hung out with the Mt. Carmel CYO. I did go with friends to the YMCA housed at Jefferson Junior High. This was my place for playing ping-pong, the only sport at which I sometimes was able to win a game. During my junior year, I was pleased to have helped design and build the group’s float for the town’s Halloween parade. I went to “sock hops” there, where I enjoyed myself even if I did not really know how to dance.

I did try to go to the religious classes held in the parish, but they often did not have enough participants for a session, and we would leave without beginning. I’m not sure if St. Stephen’s had the same problem.

During the late forties and early fifties, the separation of Mt. Carmel’s parish and St. Stephen’s parish was a result of classic, socioeconomic divisions. Mt. Carmel was attended mainly by those of Italian descent; St. Stephen’s was for Irish and wealthy Italians. Back then, St. Mary’s in Mineral Ridge was for the Polish, the third major ethnic group in the area, but their youth program was minuscule and not available for car-less teens like me.

In addition to supporting teams for church leagues and a place for teen-dances, my parish was also the site for the annual Italian festival, held in honor of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, whose feast day was July 16. The days surrounding this date became the time for the major summertime, social event for those in high school, regardless of their religious background, as well as for many adults, even the Irish. Carnival rides, centering around a Ferris wheel, as well as the booths for games-of-chance and others for ethnic food like pizza or hard-rolls filled with fried-peppers-and-sausages, provided nine days of merriment in midsummer.

The only competition the festival had was the annual town carnival. The Niles-wide event had more mechanical rides than the festival had, and more games-of-chance, with larger stuffed prizes, even if fewer were ever won. One year, I came back with a gold-painted ceramic box with a mermaid sitting on the lid! I do not recall how I won her. For many years, she guarded my small treasures, even if my mother made me cover her with a white, plaster-of-Paris brassiere!

The Mt. Carmel Festival also had much better food and a more intimate atmosphere than did the town carnival. Nevertheless, the Niles carnival had a large, teenage attendance. Most of us got there on foot. The gathering was held on a field at the edge of town that much later became the grounds for the current McKinley High School.

Back then, it was safe to venture out in the evenings and walk to places that now would be of a doubtful nature for any sensible adult, let alone those in their teens who do not yet drive. Today it’s called “free range parenting” and often in large towns or cities parents may be fined for the illegal action of allowing their kids to venture forth on their own. In the fifties this was the only way to go.

My Years in the NFL

My junior year in high school was more rewarding than I would have expected from my previous years in Niles. The classes that year were the beginning of what would become part of me for the rest of my life, even if I did not realize it at the time. Latin III was taught by Miss Evans, called “Birdie” by her students when a reference was made about her. The name came from the general view that she was somewhat “flighty.” Or nervous. Or easily distracted. Miss Galster was again the one for Algebra II and I could look forward to a B in this subject no matter how much I prepared. Mr. Scheler taught Chemistry, a subject I enjoyed, even with hydrogen sulfide experiments in the lab. Miss Campana, the most popular teacher in high school, had her own group of favorites, which I was not part of; she gave interesting takes on American history and current events.

Then there was the fragile-looking Mr. Bond, who taught the Speech classes. Technically, I was enrolled in Speech II, but the class had both juniors and seniors, the latter of whom were enrolled in Speech III. The class served as a substitute for English. For most of the year, we wrote compositions for debates and for individual forensic events. My own preference was for ex temp. Others chose humorous or dramatic declarations, which they wrote and delivered in class and for competition.

Extemporaneous topics came from current events found in news magazines. When in competition with students from other schools, I’d be assigned a topic on which I had to compose a ten-minute response. It was a valuable lesson on how to organize my thoughts. It also meant that, during my junior and senior years, I spent considerable time in the evenings reading Time and Newsweek in order to be up-to-date on national and international events. On a Saturday morning at a high school somewhere around Cleveland or Youngstown, I would learn if I had read the right articles during the preceding week. Since each school lugged its own magazines to every speaking event, those of us who competed in ex temp had access to recent copies of the articles from which the judges might have made their selections, in case we had not read the right ones. I became adept at scanning and speed-reading under pressure.

I was also responsible for maintaining my own debate box with its three-by-five index cards which had notes on the affirmative and negative sides of the semester’s regional debate topic, or “resolution.” I was assigned as “second negative” for my junior year but have forgotten what the resolutions were for that year. However, one year, probably my senior year, the topic did involve the future of the United Nations, an international organization recently formed in New York City!

Going to other high schools in northeastern Ohio each Saturday was challenging. For me, the “NFL” was the National Forensic League and a reference to my own inter-school rivalries, even if I never earned a varsity letter and had little interest in the “other NFL.” Each weekend I looked forward to seeing friends from other schools with whom I would compete.

The only disadvantage in taking Speech, rather than English, was this limited my knowledge of literature. We did not have the chance to read, in depth, “the great books” by American or British authors. On the other hand, there was a focus on grammar, per se, and on diagraming sentences.

The fundamentals of writing and practicing for debates and ex temp presentations allowed me, later, to pass the state entrance exam, thereby omitting a need to take Freshman English in college. Instead, I enrolled in courses in which I read short stories as well as classical plays. On my own, I read whatever students found to be currently available in the university bookstore. Liberal reading has had advantages over what might be limited to years of high school and college reading lists. I must admit, however, that it is even more rewarding, in today’s electronic world, to have on-line access, at no cost, for all of the classics ever written!

Frenemy Time

The most rewarding events of my junior year in high school were associated with weekends devoted to interscholastic debates and ex temp presentations in forensic competitions throughout northeastern Ohio. There were also new adventures in social settings. Although I never felt I was truly part of the “in group” of Niles McKinley, I really wasn’t completely excluded. I attended events on my own, and many times I was lucky enough to infiltrate existing groups and do some “riding-along.”

Riding-along was the mainstay of being an adolescent. My father refused to buy a car for his own use, let alone for a teenager like me. Since he walked everywhere he needed to get to, including his work in the local steel-mill, I had to do the same. He had his own driver friends who took him to gambling places. I should find friends who had access to their dads’ cars to get to places to which I could not walk. And so, I did.

I frequently went on ride-alongs with Scott Garrett, who was a close friend and closer rival. The word wasn’t used at the time, but “frenemy” would have been very descriptive, even then. Scott was the only son of the school superintendent for Niles. He was bright and we always tried to outdo one another in all of our academic work. Debate and forensic events served as a primary battlefield. He also played basketball, baseball and track, areas in which I was vastly deficient. Scott, also, had access to his father’s car and allowed me to join with him and his buddies, especially Bill Smith, when he thought the result would improve his standing in our competition. He later became a nuclear engineer in Seattle. Later, at high school reunions held every five years by our graduating class, we have said “hello,” but have never had a real conversation.

Back then, we were always taking opposite sides in most of the verbal interactions we had, even while driving. Our destinations were places like Hat-o-Mat or Isaly’s or that new place on Route 422, McDonald’s with its twenty-five cent hamburgers. Sometimes, a group of four or five of us would attend a movie at the McKinley Theater which routinely showed second-rate films such as House of Frankenstein or Jungle Headhunters. Audience participation was part of the fun.

Scott and I became members of the usual leadership groups such as Student Council and the newly formed Ductorian Society. Neither of us would be elected President of any of them, but we did vie for the lower offices in both the prime groups and the secondary ones, like Social Studies Council.

School-wide sock hops were the major sites for social gatherings. I would attend but usually volunteered to take tickets or do other busywork, so I did not need to have others notice I was not dancing. I had “fun” participating and being there, but usually wished I was “really” having fun and “really” participating instead of merely “observing.”

The year of 1951 passed quickly enough, and Christmas was upon me. Once more I received my Christmas present before the day actually arrived. That year it was a proper student desk, one I used throughout the remaining years of high school and college, when I returned home for vacations. It had a built-in clock! My journal has a note that my father gave my mother a can-opener and some candy. Once more, we spent the evening “up-the-hill,” where I received a five-dollar bill from Aunt Mary and Uncle Joe. I looked forward to the second semester of my Junior year, even to further interactions with my frenemy.

Sound & Sight of Modern Tech

Modern technology, even if it wasn’t called that back in the fifties, came slowly into my house. My father saw no need for it. It wasn’t until January 1952, during my junior year in high school, that we acquired our own telephone! My father had no reason to communicate with anyone, except for an emergency, when he would ask Mrs. Andrews if he could use her phone.

There were, however, telephones available when we lived with his family “up-the-hill” or on my grandmother’s farm. Actually, the telephone on the farm had been of modest entertainment value for me. We had a party-line. Our phone was the classic “ring-two” variety. The entertainment value, of course, came from picking up the receiver, after hearing a “non-ring-two,” and quietly listening, making sure not to breathe loud enough to be heard by the true callers.

The telephone in our new residence in town had a semi-private line with Mrs. Andrews. I never listened to her calls! Our number, 1-9758, later OLympic 2-9758, was listed under my mother’s name, since my father still did not really want to be identified as owning one. I enjoyed calling others in my classes about homework assignments.

Television, the other major technology of the fifties, had been discovered by our relatives several years before my father found it. Occasionally, we would visit my uncles’ families (either Uncle Bill Moransky or Uncle Frank Borecki) and spend the evening watching TV with them.

However, the first television I saw, in person, was in the home of a professor at Kent State University when several of us high school sophomores went to the regional biology exams there. We stayed overnight and were housed by a faculty member who owned a two-square-inch television set! He invited us to watch it with his family. A flat magnifying glass was mounted in front of the tiny screen to allow all of us clustered nearby, very nearby, to view what was being telecast in fuzzy black and white images.

Development was rapid. My relatives all purchased stand-alone television sets with twelve-square-inch screens. We did not need to cluster as closely around the large piece of furniture housing the cathode ray tube and its fleet of tungsten tubes. It was not a great distance to walk from the chair to the set in order to change the channels receiving the signals from the local ABC, CBS or NBC stations. On the other hand, it was not easy for someone to twist the antenna to the correct position to minimize the fuzziness. Sometimes, one of the viewers would need to stand there and be part of the bunny ears.

My father finally allowed a TV set to enter our house during my senior year in high school. Our set was guarded by a ceramic black panther, crouched on top of the set, who concealed a dim light bulb, so we did not need to view the grey, washed-out images in complete darkness. In the late afternoons, my father watched baseball games, while he listened to the radio broadcast of what was being said about the plays he was viewing. Occasionally he might watch one game while listening to the radio broadcast of a different one.

My own tastes ran to such productions as: Lux Video Theatre, The Colgate Comedy Hour, Truth or Consequences, Red Skelton Show, Dragnet and Our Miss Brooks. I often stayed awake until the Indian chief appeared following the National Anthem. In the early years, his profile was seen about 10:00 p.m.; somewhat later, he arrived near midnight.

The third, new technology also came during my senior year, the window air-conditioner. The window frame in our dining room no longer housed a supplemental winter cooler for our icebox, which had been replaced by the year-round Frigidaire. Thus, the window-opening could now be used for the box that kept the downstairs of our house cool during the summer. On hot, humid nights in Ohio I had the choice of a damp breeze from an open window, while lying on a soft bed in my room, or a colder blast, while attempting to sleep on the hard floor downstairs. I also had to learn to doze off listening to the hum of the fan for the air-conditioner, a more consistent sound than that of an oscillating fan located on the second-floor landing that was intended to cool both bedrooms. Yes, modern technology gave me new options. I loved it.

House Cleaning

Each Fall and Spring, a deep cleaning was called for throughout the entire house in which I grew up. The extent of the actions varied from season to season and year to year, depending upon the history of prior cleaning. Some actions might be delayed with an entire year or more in between. This was certainly true for wallpaper cleaning!

This significant cleaning event called for the purchase of new cans of the dough-like material that looked like, and to a certain extent, smelled like play-dough, that squishy solid used to form strange creatures and, when rolled flat, to copy comic strips from the Sunday newspaper.

Before it was used, wallpaper cleaner had the same pink color as playdough. Afterwards, it was a putrid gray, having been used to erase the grime from the walls in every room needing treatment. The hardened lumps were discarded at the end of the day.

Although cans of the cleaner had to be purchased annually, this expense was less than having to re-paper every few years, even if this practice was the full-time occupation for my grandfather, Luigi, and his eldest son, Joe. We could have purchased new wallpaper at cost. The labor, itself, was free, especially if my mother and father joined in the effort. When they did, I had the task of cleaning up the scrapes remaining from the cut rolls. This was a more limited role than when I was allowed to join the ritual of wallpaper cleaning. When I was very young, I could use a small wad for the lower part of the walls, being very careful not to leave streaks of leftover grime. For some reason, as an adolescent, I was seldom called upon to participate in the erasing.

Seasonal cleaning also included washing curtains. It was a recurring challenge to pin the wet curtains to the drying rack. Special care had to be taken to make sure that the cloth was stretched just right as it was tacked over the series of small pins surrounding the frame. A misjudgment required that the procedure be restarted from the point of the error. An ill-stretched, awkward appearing curtain was not acceptable for covering the cleanly washed window.

Another part of the seasonal event was removing every dish or knickknack from every cabinet, washing each item, and replacing it – often on new shelf-paper, unless it was the kind that was glued directly onto each shelf. Not all of the items were stored in permanent wooden cabinets affixed to the walls. There were a lot of stand-alone metal units which needed attention. Of course, there was also the weekly cleaning – dedicated to dusting and vacuuming floors with a Hoover that had a light on the front, no doubt so you could more readily see where the dirt was. For certain locations there were long tubes with a variety of attachable brushes in order to reach difficult places in corners and in the upholstered furniture filling the rooms.

Although not part of annual housecleaning, there was also the weekly, if not daily, use of the washing machine with its dangerous wringer for squeezing out excess water before hanging everything on lines – outside if the weather permitted, or from lines strung indoors. Washday could always be identified by the humid smell of drying laundry in the basement. Large items, like sheets or towels, might be ironed with a table-sized “mangler” – with its own even more dangerous revolving tubes through which the damp cloth was passed and steamed dried.

Kitchen appliances also required routine cleaning. Fortunately, unlike relatives who lived in the country and were not joined to a gas line and had to use kerosene stoves, ours was a modern gas one, using fuel piped into the house from a network of gas lines rather than directly from butane tanks. Although an electric range was too modern for us, we did have an electric refrigerator with a small, centralized compartment for ice-cube trays. There was no need for a freezer compartment, since frozen food was not common, although Bird’s Eye products could be found in grocery stores.

Not all appliances were large. There were toasters, for example, which opened in the front and back to reveal racks and heating coils for toasting bread. There was no timing-device; the user kept a wary eye on the process to make sure the finished product could be removed without being burned. Nevertheless, scraped toast was acceptable, especially with enough grape or apple jelly on top.

Another small appliance was the meat grinder that was attached by a screw device to a counter or tabletop. Decisions had to be made regarding the appropriate grid to be inserted to assure that the extruded meat would have the right consistency.

Although not part of the kitchen appliances, another small, electrical appliance needed constant attention. The radio. Actually, the radio tubes required attention. They always seemed to be burning out and needing to be replaced. Unless a variety of replacement tubes was kept in the back of a cupboard, a special trip to the hardware shop had to be made. Usually, several tubes were taken in for testing; it was not always possible to identify the burned out one merely by sight. Just because the glass was not black did not mean the tube was usable. Later it was equally difficult to determine which tube needed to be replaced in order to make the television set work.

In fact, when my father would become angry with my mother and me, his major counter action was to remove one of the TV tubes and hide it away until he had been appropriately appeased. We were never sure if the set was not working because of us or because a burned-out tube needed to be replaced. Whether or not wallpaper cleaner needed to be applied, was a much easier decision to make.

Junior Wishes

January 1952 began the second half of my junior year. Although I always kept expecting that the events of my life would improve, they really did not. My father still complained about my mother and me taking money from the cup which served as our home bank. We had no checking account; I’m not sure credit cards had been invented yet. Other families had arrangements for items to be placed on “lay-away,” until they were paid for and brought home. In our house, everything was truly “cash-and-carry.”

Our cash for daily use, primarily for the purchase of food, occasionally for clothing, was kept in a cup on the kitchen shelf. That January, like many before and afterwards, my father stormed that my mother or I had stolen his money from the cup. Since he did all of the grocery shopping, he knew when something was missing. Once more, he threatened to stop buying food for us. I’m not sure what the alternative might have been, but the words were emotionally abusive. Meanwhile, he saw fit to continue his gambling on weekends. It was usually cards, probably poker; he often lost several hundred dollars at a time. I never heard about his winning anything.

In my diary I continued to comment on my classes, especially my chemistry laboratory experiments and my reports, composed for my Latin class, on Roman life and culture. The orations of Cicero were the focus for this year’s translations. My love for things Roman began at an early age.

I continued to have a social life dependent upon transportation provided by a few friends, who, luckily, had cars for cruising Main Street and the avenues leading to Youngstown, where the new drive-ins were located. Weekend bake-sales were popular for ways to raise class funds for social activities; I had fun working at several sales throughout the year. My mother never contributed any products for these sales. She disliked any form of cooking; baking was at the bottom of her list. I attended the dances for the purpose of taking up tickets and observing the interactions of others.

My own romantic interests, actually “infatuation interests,” centered on Martha Smith, who was under the control of Don Castle, the guy she dated throughout high school and finally married – not happily from what I gathered, later, at high school reunions. I devoted many diary entries to recalling my conversations with her, as well as her (and my) arguments with Don. At the time, with my believing I had no chance of success, I could not understand any reason for his jealousy. Obviously, viewpoints were relative to personal perceptions.

My social participation continued to be that of a worker-bee. School-wide elections were held for students to run the city for a day. I served as the master-of-ceremony to organize the event and coordinate the gatherings for the election campaign speeches. I was disturbed, however, when several of my friends disrupted the procedure by tossing free bubble gum to the audience.

I had helped a close friend develop his own campaign speech to be elected mayor and was greatly annoyed when he disregarded our final form for an ad lib appeal for sympathy. He lost. The guy elected mayor was another close friend, an older student, who was also an amateur boxer. Anyway, I enjoyed being part of the political process.

I kept wishing events in my own life would improve, somewhat magically, I now recognize. I was busy with classes I enjoyed. I had friends whom I helped. I did not believe I, myself, needed “help,” but did desire “approval” and the “popularity” others seemed to have without much effort.

There were days when I walked across the bridge over Mosquito Creek, on my way to school, and wondered if I should make a sharp detour over the railing, but I quickly realized suicide was an unforgivable sin and no doubt my life would get better in the future. My senior year would improve, somehow. And then there would be college, somehow. My future did not depend upon what a kitchen cup might provide. A scholarship to Kent State would help. All I needed to do was keep doing what I’d always done.

“But You Don’t Look Italian!”

Each spring there was an announcement of the junior-class boys who had been chosen to represent the city high school in the events of Buckeye Boys’ State. This year, the BBS would meet for a week at Camp Perry near Port Clinton, Ohio. The five selected by the local American Legion to represent Niles McKinley High School included: Scott Garrett, son of leading educator; Bob Wick, son of newspaper editor; Bill Trimber, son of City auditor; Dick Rader, son of American Legion officer; Bob Billig, son of councilman and industrialist; and Frank Mills, son of another leading industrialist. Dick Rashilla and Al Salerno, who were part of the same popular group of juniors, were conspicuously absent from the list. I, too, was not among the representatives for the “honor” of learning, first-hand, about state government. As “Rash” said to me: “We’re nothing but two little Dagos from the wrong side of the tracks.”

Martha Smith, who worked on the Niles High Crier, the school newspaper, heard this viewpoint indirectly confirmed by our Principal, Mr. Sharp, when she interviewed him about Buckeye Boys’ State. He maintained he had nothing to do with the decision made by the American Legion. I should not have been surprised.

Niles was home for three major ethnic groups: Italians, Irish and WASPs. The Italian Catholics of Mt. Carmel and the Irish Catholics of St. Stephen counterbalance the WASPs. I had not really appreciated the existence of the groups before my experience with BBS. During the school day and among fellow students, no ethnic distinctions were evident. My personal realization of such differences came from adults in the community in a strange way.

I was frequently surprised by the response I received when I was being introduced to an adult hearing my last name, for the first time. “Camerino? But you don’t look Italian.” I often felt they thought I was trying to deceive them in some way. This was not like the case with the two football players who were the only black students in Niles. They did not depend upon any deception to cover up our distinctions.

My only response to the statements given by these adults was one which I later thought was really insufficient, but I could never think of a better one, no matter how hard and often I tried. My usual reply was: “And neither does Wish-Bone Dressing.”

I still don’t have a rebuttal to the comment about my ethnicity, identified by name but not by appearance. At least the reaction people had was not as demonstrative as the one my mother experienced in high school. When the KKK learned, in the early 1900’s, that she was a Polish Catholic, they tried to throw her out the school window, at least that’s what family legend says. The Wikipedia entry for Niles confirms the stories of the religious riots led by the nativists that occurred there following the First World War.

However, politics have changed. My cousin, Fremont Camerino, served for 34 years as the President of the Niles City Council, and Mayor. Thirty-year intervals may allow for cultural and political changes. Wish-Bone Dressing may, indeed, be more than just Italian.

Senior Year Studies

The classes I took during my Senior year continued in the classical, college-bound tradition. I had a newly assigned homeroom, the place where the day began and ended, where announcements were received over the intercom system to inform us about the day’s schedule of events.

Trigonometry represented the mathematical offering for the Senior year, as interpreted by dear, cranky Miss Galster. Actually, she did mellow during the year; I finally received an “A.” This was, after all, to be her final year of teaching.

Miss Evans continued to have us translate Virgil’s Aeneid and learn about Roman culture. My ponies were still greatly welcomed by others in the class.

Mr. Lamb taught Physics and I managed to become his star pupil. The class, except for Scott, saw no problem in my grading the quizzes he popped and helping them understand the correct answers.

A new class was “Driving,” with Mr. Davis as the instructor. Strangely, there were only three boys and about thirty girls in the class. Apparently, boys learned earlier from their fathers. For me, it was a case of “hope-for-the-distant-future,” since my father did not own a car and there was no likelihood he would ever buy one.

Public Speaking, the substitute for English, was again led by Mr. Bond who placed me on the varsity-team of four for weekend competition in interscholastic debates. For extra credit, I gave not only the morning student announcements on the school-wide intercom system, but also, the play-by-play summaries at home football games. That too was fun, even when the on-off button didn’t work on the microphone and a handkerchief was used to block, one hoped, the lively comments of Dick Rader, the fellow-student who served as spotter and relayed to me what was happening on the field. If he could have been heard, his color-commentary would have proven to be highly interesting but un-broadcastable.

From time to time there were special assemblies. One I mentioned in my diary entry for October 16, 1952, was with a Lieutenant from the Naval Reserve in Warren: “He pointed out the advantages of signing up with the Reserve. It might be a good deal, but not for me. I intend on waiting until they draft me and hope I don’t come out too bad. I have to serve at some time or another. Hell, is life worth anything in this day and age? You work in school and college to get an education. Then you go out on the battlefield and get killed. Why spend all that time studying? Why do we have wars anyway? Why can’t we live in peace? Someday I’ll see to it that we do. The adults of today and yesterday made a mess out of everything. It looks as if it’s up to us to straighten it out. That is, if we are still alive about twenty years from now. Anyway I hardly think we can make a worse mess of it.”

Feelings really don’t change, do they? Adolescents wanted to change the world, but we failed, as have the many generations before us, and, no doubt, as will all those who will come forth in this third millennium.

At least we didn’t have to be fearful of high school shootings.

End of the Year 1952

Some of my reflections have been based upon recollections stimulated by entries from my diary for the year 1952. Here I’ve transcribed a few direct statements from this source, with minimal editing. At least they give an idea of how I felt and wrote some 70 years ago.

Wednesday, December 24: Tonight was Christmas Eve and as usual we had to go “up-the-hill.” Mom and I had a boring time listening to them gab in Italian. To pass away the time, we played Canasta and then Fish. Mom gave me a radio-clock for Christmas, but what a way to present it. As I was getting into bed, she decided to plug it in. Half the enjoyment of receiving a gift is the manner in which it’s given. Christmas gifts should be wrapped and put under the tree on Christmas Eve and opened on Christmas morning.

Thursday, December 25: What a Christmas Day this was. I spent the day in my room learning Russian and studying English literature. [I had bought a Berlitz book on Russian, having decided I wanted to learn Russian on my own. The extra work on English literature was to make up for the deficiency due to taking Public Speaking in place of formal English.] What a way to celebrate a holiday. I think the ideal way would be – on Christmas Eve to sit around the tree as a family and sing carols. On Christmas morning after Church, should come breakfast and then opening of Christmas presents. Christmas should be a time of love, but around here it is far from that. Of course to “him” Christmas is a time to fill up his stomach on Christmas cookies. He has been yelling because she didn’t bake. But why should Mom bake when he throws stuff around?

Tuesday, December 30: Again, I was a scholastic hermit today, since I spent the day in my room studying and listening to the radio. Of course, he’s at it again. Yes, he’s on another financial warpath. Why is it he always gets hot at this time of the year? It seems that every year around January first, he blows up about approximately the same thing. I guess I will never learn to understand him. I only hope that I shall never become like him. One reason why I am keeping this chronicle is, if in the future I ever tend to become like him, I can re-read this and return to humanity. So, the main reason is to read this book and become a better father to my son or daughter, for I don’t want “shem” (sic) to hate me as I hate my father.

Wednesday, December 31: And so ends the year of 1,952, Anno Domini; the year 5,712-13 for the Jews; 1,372-73 for the followers of the Prophet Mohamed; 2,612 in the Japanese era; and 2,705 years after the founding of the City of Rome. At times it has been a boring year, at others to be an interesting one. Still it’s one which I would not care to relive. Life is but a long row of rooms in the house of time. We enter a new room each year, never to go back and unable to look ahead. Each room contains both joys and sorrows which we examine upon our one-way journey. Others travel through different rows of rooms but, in this maze, the room paths often intersect. Thus, we share the joys and sorrows left by Fate when she built these walls of life in the house of time.

Morning Music Fiasco

Not everything I tried to initiate at Niles McKinley was accepted. That was certainly the case with my venture into music.

The Ductorian Society, the group of student leaders that had been established in my Junior year, thought something new should be done with the morning announcements made over the public address system used throughout the high school. Surely music accompanying the morning proclamations about what was to occur throughout the academic day would help improve the school atmosphere, so long as it wasn’t “jazz.”

A friend of mine, Dick Rashilla, “Rash,” who had a collection of classical music records, said he would help me prepare for the daily events. Principal Sharp agreed we could broadcast “soothing melodies” for listening by students over the loudspeaker system. I was to be the equivalent of a D.J., although the term was not prevalent in the mid-fifties, and read the announcements which Mr. Sharp or his secretary had previously written. I could also give ad lib comments and earn credits in my public speaking class for ex temp events.

On Monday morning, Rash gave me a classical record he thought the kids would enjoy. The band I was to play came from Grofee’s Grand Canyon Suite; it was labeled “On the Trail.” I knew nothing about classical music. I was a little surprised when the sounds coming out of the classroom speakers were those of the Philip Morris cigarette commercial. The teachers ran from their classrooms and into the hallways faster than answering a call from Johnny, the bellboy. They marched on the Principal’s office to see what was happening. I promised we would offer less- exciting selections in the future.

On Tuesday, Rash provided me with music from Victor Herbert. The students said it was too slow and the teachers claimed it was still too noisy for the beginning of the day. Two days later, everything went wrong. The music was too loud in some rooms and too low in others. The announcements were too low to hear and nobody appreciated a tape-recording I had made of the Steno Club doing its own version of the typewriter song.

Over the next several days, I spoke with all of the teachers and learned that none of them liked the idea of music coupled with the necessary daily announcements. Meanwhile, the Ductorian Society discussed whether the series should be continued. The group wanted to restart the effort, which had been postponed while it was being reconsidered. However, Mr. Bassett, our faculty advisor and the head basketball coach, said the program must be discontinued. And it was.

In addition to the teachers who wanted the day to begin quietly, the only student who loudly was in agreement with the decision to terminate the music was my friend and rival, Scott. He continued to take great pleasure every time I failed at anything and made sure I knew just how badly I had failed. I guess not everyone was pleased about what happened in “River City” either.

It’s the Principal

A student, especially one who is interested in “getting ahead,” wants to get along with the school principal. I tried to do this with Mr. Sharp, but not always successfully. The “music fiasco” was one incident. There were others.

“Youth Day” was one such incident. Every spring, all of the students elected fellow students to run the city for a day. The program was designed for us to experience how government works. Once again, I was to be the student organizer for the event.

My new problem for my Senior year began when Mr. Evans, my instructor in driving and one of the social studies teachers, gave me a lift one cold, January morning, although he usually passed me by on others. He needed to tell me about a change in the program at the direction of Principal Sharp. This year in order to be eligible to run for an elected city office, a student had to attend one of the bimonthly meetings of City Council before the March elections. Their observations were to give them some idea of what the town government was doing. There would also be two, special, daytime social study classes in February with the mayor, several council members, one of the city judges and the city solicitor giving brief presentations. The new requirements sounded reasonable, and I agreed to make a brief announcement in each social science class so that all of the students would know about the changes.

In late March, Miss Campana, my history teacher, learned that one of her pet students, Ron Nolder, had failed to attend any of the Council meetings and was ineligible to run. She told all of her classes that the rule was too strict and blamed me, as chairman of the Youth Day committee, for its implementation. She wanted me to declare that Ron should be eligible to run. I failed to convince her that if he, and others, could find time to devote to nightly gatherings at the Grill, the local hamburger-coffee hangout, they should have been able to get to one the meetings Mr. Sharp required. Her response, as related to me by those in her classes, was that no student was going to tell her what should be done in school. Although the rules were not modified, Ron did undertake a write-in ballot for his election; he failed.

The second incident was more directly involved with Mr. Sharp. On the same day that Miss Campana was telling her classes about my overly strict views, I was summoned into the Principal’s office, not to discuss the election, but rather, to be informed that the National Forensic League dinner at the close of the year could not be held at Café 422. He had learned of this venue when he was reviewing the Hi-Crier, the student newspaper, prior to its publication. Café 422 served alcohol and was off limits as a place for a banquet for a school program. I pointed out that all of the restaurants along highway 422 into Youngstown served alcohol at a separate bar and asked him for an alternative. After deep thought, he proposed Ma Perkins (where the food was considered by many to be inferior) or the Christian Parish House (which no one used) or, perhaps, the Masonic Temple (which really surprised me as being a non-alcoholic venue.)

He was adamant about the alcohol prohibition. As it turned out, we did have the NFL dinner at a place called Ali Bab. We were charged for 63 steak dinners, although only 60 people from our group ate there. Since all of the others had left, I had to pay the difference for the three extra steaks. It cost me a total of $7.00, which amounts to about $2.50 a steak or one-tenth of the price in current dollars!

Yes, there are costs associated with following principles or pleasing principals.

Some Senior Year Events

Memories, call them a memoir if you want, do differ from notes in a diary or journal. I happened upon a few notes for 1953 that might be of interest.

Monday, January 12: [Often I would include a comment on the proverb-of-the-day, which was printed on the top of each page of the diary I used. Sometimes I began with a notation about a current-event-of-the-day. The one written for today was, “Twenty-four are made Cardinals by Pope at Consistory” The Pope would have been Pius XII.] This afternoon several seniors took a preliminary scholarship test like the one we have to take the last day of January in Warren. On the whole, this test was easier; I think I knew more of the English literature than in the last one. The math section was harder. During the course of the test, I could have strangled Lamb, my physics teacher (who was monitoring the exam.) He did not have time to eat and so he ate while we were taking the test. And what was he eating? Carrots! I doubt if there is anything more distracting than, in a silent room, to hear snap, crunch, munch, munch, munch. I hope he enjoyed them.

Tuesday, January 20: [“Eisenhower takes oath to become 34th President of the United States.”] We got out as usual at 11:30 a.m., but today we did not have to be back until two o’clock. Therefore, I was able to watch the Inauguration on television. It was a very impressive sight. Dwight David Eisenhower looked quite grim before he took office, as if he was well aware of his new responsibility. But afterwards came the old Ike smile. Mr. Truman, however, seemed quite pleased with the whole proceedings. I wanted to watch the parade but I had to go back to school. This evening I watched the Inaugural Ball for a few minutes. I wonder how I will feel when I become President?

Saturday, January 31: Like today’s German Proverb [The art of silence is as great as that of speech] – today I was silent. However, I doubt if I was great. All events were held at Cathedral Latin but I did not go. [This was a reference to the NFL competitions held every Saturday.] Instead I racked my brains over a scholarship test at Warren G. Harding. It was twice as hard as the ‘48 and ‘50 preliminary tests here in Niles. Half of the literature I never heard, the history was all American history and modern stuff – after 1940, the algebra killed me, the science was mainly biology and the directions for reading, comprehension were worse than the test. The only compensation was I got to talk to Bill Pennell and Don Seaborn. [These were close friends from Mineral Ridge.] Don is still set on Ohio State – I can’t change him to Kent. This evening I saw the Dragons chew up Boardman 88 – 44 to set a new high scoring record. Pat Eschnoz and Janice McGown, who took Norm and my place in debate, lost all three rounds, but they came up against Massillon and Cincinnati! I’m glad Norm and I didn’t go!

Saturday, March 14: Today I went to Youngstown to see a three-dimensional picture called Bwana Devil with Nigel Bruce and Barbara Britton. The plot was lousy but it was very interesting to see things in three dimensions. You never notice regular movies to be two-dimensional until you see three dimensions. If this is true, perhaps there really is a “visible” fourth dimension, only we don’t have the right stereoscopic glasses to see it. Perhaps right now, a fourth dimensional character is looking over my shoulder laughing at my stupidity not to see him. If so, Mr. 4-D, just remember there might be a Miss 5-D watching you. [At the time, there was great hope for the third dimension as an entertainment technique. It never did catch on; perhaps it was the feel of the cardboard glasses with a red and a blue lens to bring the overlapping images into coherence. Now, of course, it’s “virtual reality.” It should prove fascinating to see what will be in vogue fifty years from now, in 2070!]

Wednesday, April 1: I received a very interesting letter on this April Fool’s Day. It was from the President of Kent State University. The letter offered me a four-year scholarship to Kent because of the results in the Senior tests. I was certainly surprised to receive it today. I was a little dubious about it on a day such as this.

NFL Competition and Ohio State

If I had been a jock, I probably would have memories of days on the football field or basketball court. Instead I focused on debating and ex temp speaking. Less body contact, but high levels of brain power. Friendly rivals play a large part in both athletics and public speaking. I don’t remember anything specific about the NFL members I competed against, but, at the time, their friendship was very important to me, a relative loner in Niles McKinley. The following are actual entries from my diary. Mr. Moritz was the other speech teacher; he was not as good as Mr. Bond.

Saturday, January 24: I had to get up at 5:00 this morning to be ready to leave for St. Joseph’s Academy in Rocky River, 16 miles outside of Cleveland. Individual events in public speaking were held at this Catholic school for girls. I was entered in the ex temp division. My topic for the morning was, “Is there a possibility of using the atomic bomb in Korea?” In the afternoon I “graduated” to the H-bomb with the topic: “Is it advisable to continue research on the Hydrogen Bomb?” For once I was lucky in getting good topics. I gave my talks in small, piano rooms which the girls used for practice. In my rounds I got 2/3, 1/7, 1/7. With this, I tied for first place in the ex temp Division.

Saturday, February 21: Today’s debating was at Euclid in Cleveland. At 6:30 this morning, Norm’s mother ‘phoned to say that he had the flu and could not go to debate. So I had to take a cab over to his place to pick up his material. I debated three rounds of cross-examination alone. I thought I was going crazy. I was up and down so much I lost track of which speech I was giving. I lost to Lorraine and Cathedral Latin, but won from St. Ignatius. The debate topic for this year was, “Resolved: that the Atlantic Pact Nations Should Form a Federal Union.”

Thursday, February 26: Since the Ohio High Schools Speech League was held in Niles starting at four o’clock, Mr. Bond had all of us excused at noon. I met a lot of old friends, including two from Salem. Last year J.J. and I lost to Nora and Sandy. Well, this year Norm and I defeated Nora and Pat. We also won from Ursuline. Dorothy Ann (Dorrie) Wenzel qualified for Columbus in oratorical by placing second. In ex-temp Sol Lerner, one of the twins, took first. Sandy and I tied for second. He was awarded second on judges preference, but since Salem’s junior play covers the time for the finals in Columbus, I was awarded second to qualify for state. I wish it would have been anyone but Sandy. Of all the kids I’ve met in two years whom I have liked, he tops the list. I’m glad he still has another year. I hope he goes to state next year. His full name is Sanford Hansel.

Friday, March 6: The NFL District speech contests began at Rayen. Norman and I were in debate with Scott and Jerry on the opposing side for Niles. Norman and I defeated East for the third time and Struthers. We lost to St. Joe’s. Scott and Jerry, as usual, lost all three. Radio announcing was a new competitive event. Everyone but Scott and Dorothy Ann entered it. I went through the third round; Norm through the fourth or semifinal. Carl Oglesby of Bath Revere and Tom Baker of Euclid were the heroes of the events. Carl took first in ex temp, original oratory, and second place in radio. Tom took second in ex temp, original oratory, and first in radio. [Carl became my roommate in college during our Freshman year! More is given in my KSU years.]

Friday, March 20: I got up at five this morning to get ready to go to Columbus for the speech tournaments. Mr. Moritz and Dorrie Wenzel picked me up at six o’clock. When we started out we passed the Hollow Ranch Grain Store which was on fire. We drove to the fire station to report it, but no one was awake there. When we told one of the policemen, he said he would check. So he got in his patrol car to go to see if there was a fire. Niles, Ohio! Shades of William McKinley!

We had to go to Youngstown first to pick up two kids from Chaney who were to go with us. They were Beverly Dyer and Frank Crushin. They were nice kids. It took us about five hours to drive to Columbus and an hour to drop Bev and Frank off. Frank stayed at the River Road dorms. I had heard of them and thought that I would probably live there if I went to OSU. But after seeing them inside – no thanks. They are the junkiest thing I have ever seen. Reminded me of the place where J.J. stayed last year at Kent.

Then Mr. Moritz took us to the Deschler-Wallick hotel. There was some mistake in our reservations, for Dorrie and I were suppose to room together. But Mr. Moritz and I got it straightened out. He and I roomed together.

The lobby of the D-W was beautiful, or perhaps it was my lack of comparison. However, room 1371 needed no comparison to tell you that it was a mess. It was now noon, but the maid had not yet cleaned up the remains of a beer-card-party of the previous night. They must have had a gay-old-time. When we got back at six that night it had been straightened up.

We immediately went to the campus, for my first round started at 1:15 in ex temp. My topic was: “Will Japan be allowed to re-arm?” I came in fourth. However, I did not feel too bad for Tom Baker of Euclid came in third in my room. Some sophomore came in first. I think he was from Dayton. I had not eaten since 5:30 this morning and it was now 2:30; I went to an Isaly across from the campus. I hurried back to see the round of dramatic oratory. It was very interesting.

Dorrie, Moritz, and I ate dinner at the Mills, a super-deluxe cafeteria. Afterwards, we walked around downtown Columbus. Then we went back to the hotel. Dorrie and I played a couple hands of rummy while Moritz was in the bar.

There wasn’t much to do. When only two go like that, you can’t do very much. You only have fun with a gang of kids. Most gangs didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning. I went to bed at 10:30 and lay awake until four. It was terribly boring.

The next morning, we ate breakfast in the drugstore and then went to the campus again. The weather was wonderful, so we had a chance to look over the campus. OSU is a mammoth place and a beautiful one. After Dorrie’s finals in oratorical, we walked around. We ate in the new five-million-dollar Student Union. It was the most breath-taking building I have seen, the showcase of the campus, with its four lounges, huge ballroom, twin cafeterias, large game rooms and small activity rooms. It was worth seeing. After we had learned that Dorrie had placed third, we left. We got home about six o’clock. Even if I didn’t win, I had fun in Columbus.

18th Birthday and Graduation Days

[The following are direct transcriptions from my diary for the last two weeks of high school. A “gentle reader” may scan the names I’ve included. Perhaps, I should have deleted them from this transcript, but the memory of these classmates is still important to me, and my past.]

Sunday, May 24: Went to noon Mass. Spent the day at home – my last day in the seventeenth year of my life. Some life. I’m entirely disgusted with it. If it doesn’t change soon there is no use in existing any longer. But before I die I want to see everything and do everything there is to see and do. I want a full life to make up for my youth of dull monotony. Life should be worth the effort of living. So far it has not been worth the effort.

Monday, May 25: Happy birthday to me – since no one else will say it, or rather has said it today. As each year for the past 18, this was an extremely lousy day. The Board of Education meets tonight to hear how the Seniors finished. I think I will be third. My guess is: Johanna David, first; Myrtle Ann Gifford – second; myself – third; and Scott Garrett – fourth. As long as I come in ahead of Scott, I don’t care what I place. Mailed my graduation announcements at last.

Tuesday, May 26: I was wrong about the honor roll. I am valedictorian. Myrtle Ann is salutatorian; then Virginia Granata, Scott Garrett and Martha Smith. I was more excited about Mart’s fifth place than I was about my own position. I had the devil of a time trying to think of a quote for the Hi-Crier. Golly, I’ve worked for the position, so how could I say how I feel. But confidentially, I feel pretty great about the honor. However, I really wonder if it was worth it. I wish, instead, I were more like other guys. Maybe they didn’t place on the honor roll, but they’ve had fun in high school. They have memories, but what do I have – nothing. I hope college is different. We got our caps and gowns today. They are blue while the tassel is red. Had a Senior assembly at which I presented Miss Galster with a gift and Bob Wick gave Mr. Sharp a watch.

Wednesday, May 27: Our Dragon {school year book} at long last arrived today. On the whole they are very nice. I like them. We had a Jr-Sr assembly today on civil defense. Fourth period I went up to see Mr. Bond about my valedictory speech. He told me what to include. All I have to do is write it. This evening George Davies, Bob Billig, and I went to see The Niles Story. It was mainly one long commercial. The only things I enjoyed were last year’s seniors, underclassmen, and the faculty.

Thursday, May 28: Senior Banquet: I rushed around this morning to get speeches lined up for the banquet. The banquet was nice – at least the speeches were. However, the turkey was extremely cold and I had trouble locating the potatoes. The program included: Grace – Dorothy Ann Wenzel; Toast – Bob Wick; History WJHS – Myrtle Ann Gifford; History McKJHS – Janice Gibson; Tenth grade, serious – Lucy Liberatore; Tenth grade, humorous – Tom Calderone; Eleventh grade, serious – Bob Billig; Eleventh grade, humorous – Ron Nolder; Twelfth grade, serious – Barbara Gerheim; Twelfth grade, humorous – Dick Rashilla; Class prophecy – Diane Lapolla & Joann McNammara; Faculties – Mr. Sharp; Introduction of Board – Bob Wick; Introduction of Mr. Cardinal (retiring) – Scott Garret; Introduction of Miss Gagster (retiring) – Bob Owens; Farewell – Bob Wick. All of the speeches were wonderful. Wick’s farewell was touching. Rash’s was wonderful. In a few more years he’ll be another Eddie Fusco – toastmaster. {No, I did not give a presentation; as usual, I was the behind-the-scenes person who organized everything!}

After the banquet I felt in a down mood and was walking home when I met Bob Wick, also walking home. So we walked together. Boy, did we walk – all the way to Washington Junior. Then we stood on the porch (or terrace) and talked and talked about almost everything. Bob admitted that we aren’t close friends, but it seems like we sure confide in each other. Talking to Bob is like talking to my alter ego. I can relax and say whatever I feel. And he does the same. I wish we could be friends. It would be interesting to someday repeat our little talking itinerary. I hope we can. Bob is a swell guy – in fact he’s tops. Everyone likes him. He told me how to gain friends – learn to act like them and like what they like. Which means I have to learn baseball.

Friday, May 29: Recognition Day and Saturday, May 30: This was certainly a busy day. We Seniors wore our caps and gowns to school for the Jr-Sr assembly. As valedictorian I had to give a Bible reading and a prayer. I choose the Book of Proverbs, Chapter 2 and the Lord’s Prayer. I got a number of certificates. I also received a gold medal for valedictory honors. I received a check for $10 from the Kiwanis Club and $5 from the Rotary. I hope I didn’t break them with the gifts. The assembly lasted for over two hours which was way too long.

After the assembly we had practice for Baccalaureate on Sunday night. This afternoon George Davies stopped for me and we went to see some of the teachers at Washington Junior. After that we went down town and we met Martha Smith and Diane Lapolla with the car. We asked if they would take us to Warren to register for the draft. There we gave the registrar a rough time with our names. She wouldn’t believe my name was Patty until she saw my birth certificate. When she didn’t see William down, she wouldn’t put it on my draft card. George Davies had trouble too because his father’s name is Davie. Afterward, we talked to Mr. Cardinal. Saturday I wrote my valedictory.

Sunday, May 31: Baccalaureate: I went to 12 o’clock Mass. This evening I went to the Baccalaureate with George. I’m glad it lasted for only 55 minutes. Afterwards, George, Bob Billig, John Tudhope, and I went to the Robbins to see Off Limits with Bob Hope. It was very funny. Afterward we went up to the Snack Shack to eat. Then we drove around for a while.

Monday, June 1: I typed out my speech. Rode down to graduation practice with Billig and George. We each got twelve tickets. Now I have to weed down from twenty-some relatives. After practice I took my speech to Mr. Bond. He approved it. Then George and I went to talk to Mr. Cardinal again. He’s a wonderful person and teacher. It’s too bad for the students that he is quitting. This evening I went over to George’s to watch TV and to help him fill out an application to Kent.

Tuesday, June 2: [Don Seaborn’s Wedding; Queen Elizabeth II Crowned] Because of a lack of transportation I was not able to see either event. I went to town this morning to get a key chain and to have my valedictory pin engraved. This afternoon I tried to memorize my speech. My gifts so far include an electric razor from Ed Shobel (my father’s friend) and a pen and pencil set from Uncle Frank and Aunt Rose Borecki along with mom’s key chain.

Wednesday, June 3: Graduation: Well today was the big day. I felt extremely nervous this afternoon about my speech. I was also very disgusted with “him.” Although I am valedictorian, not once has “he” congratulated me or even mentioned my merit. Instead he jokes about my graduating and going to college. I got dressed early and went to George’s to wait because I couldn’t stand being around “him.”

Before commencement began, Myrtle Ann Gifford and I had our pictures taken. There was a large crowd there. All my relatives, except Uncle Frank Moransky, were there. I think the ceremonies were very short and very nice. My speech, which I did not forget, was about four minutes long. I was awarded the Alumni Trophy for scholarship. I am able to keep it. After the ceremonies the teachers congratulated me and said they liked my speech. The best complement came from Jim Cera, who said mine was the first speech he’s ever listened to.

After the graduation, all the relatives except Uncle Bill and Aunt Ada came to our place. Then I saw the rest of my gifts. Aunt Vi gave me a suitcase; Aunt Sophia – five dollars; Uncle Bill – shirt and links; Isadore – ten dollars and Camerino’s – fifty dollars.

Then Billig, George, and Gus Spetios came after me. My relatives went up-the-hill and I went with the gang to a round of parties. George mixed beer with high balls, the other two had one high ball, but me – I stuck to ginger ale – I don’t like alcohol. I think I saw more juniors tonight than seniors. We had seven girls and we four boys in Billig’s club coupe. I got in at two AM with a load of happy memories for one evening.

Valedictory Speech – June 3, 1953

{As with the diary record of the completion of my senior year in high school, I am including a copy of the Valedictory Speech I presented for my graduating class on June 3, 1953.}

Friends, this evening has a twofold meaning. It is both a sad time and a joyous one. It is both an end and a beginning.

This evening is a sad time because it is the last time that we members of the Class of 1953 will be gathered together. Since this is our last full meeting, it is fitting that each of us counts his precious memories of the past twelve years.

Our parents, watching us graduate on this evening, remember our first day of school. To them it seems so short a time ago. Their precious children – yes, you and I – started then on a new life. Our parents now see us marking a new milestone in our lives. And they continue to remember.

And the members of the faculty, sitting there, remember, too. They remember the trials and tribulations we caused them. They perhaps now recall a more happy moment we brought them and perhaps they smile to themselves.

We Seniors, too, have our memories – memories of things learned and, more important perhaps, friends made. We sit here thinking of the happy times we’ve had together, from the talking on the school corner to the things done in class. Each has his own memories, each has his own treasures.

And remembering, we are sad. Sad because we are leaving the familiar halls of Niles McKinley. Sad because we are separating from friends. No doubt we shall visit these same halls and see these same friends. But the feeling of belonging, the feeling or sameness will be gone. We will strive to re-create these feelings but only the dim memories will be left. Yes, this is a sad evening.

But it is a joyous one, too. Our first goal has been reached; graduation is here. Before us lies the world, waiting to be conquered by each of us. And in our expectation of our future, this is a joyous evening.

This evening also marks an end and a beginning. Here in this stadium we end our lives as children and teenagers. Here we begin our lives as young men and young women of Niles, of Ohio, of the United States, yes, of the World.

Yesterday, nothing mattered except our own pleasures; how much we could get with the least effort. But tomorrow the world is ours; tomorrow we will vote for our freedom; tomorrow we will fight for our freedom; tomorrow we will continue to have our freedom.

Gone are the days of play; arrived are the days of work. No longer will our parents be able to take our minor troubles upon themselves; no longer will our teachers be able to encourage us to work. Now we must use what our parents and teachers have taught us; by using this education, we must better our lives. The life each of us now makes, depends only on the individual making it.

Yes, tonight is both an end and a beginning – the end of youth, the beginning of young adulthood. But thanks to our parents, teachers, and friends it has been a happy youth. It will be a prosperous adulthood.

Tonight we are united; tomorrow we each go a different way. Perhaps we will meet again – on a busy corner or perhaps at a class reunion. But our everyday paths part now.

Some of us will go on to colleges throughout this land. They will continue the book-learning begun at Niles McKinley. Others will begin working in factories. They, too, will continue the work begun by other McKinley alumni. Yes, each goes on; each continues what was started at our Alma Mater, our foster mother, Niles McKinley.

And so, on this evening of memories; this evening of joy and sadness; this evening of end and beginning, I say to you, our friends, our teachers, our parents – “vale” – “farewell.”

A Tribute to Miss Galster

{This was written as an essay for one of Mr. Bond’s Public Speaking classes. Evidently he read it at a faculty dinner in her honor and submitted it to the Hi Crier, the daily high school section of the Niles Times. It was published on May 21, 1953 – much to my surprise.}

Every person who comes into association with a young man influences him in some way. This is especially true of a teacher. Every good teacher leaves an indelible mark on the mind of her student. One of these teachers I shall remember always.

One teacher at McKinley High School is a veritable institution in herself. During her 40-odd-years career she has probably influenced over two thousand boys and girls. I am indeed proud to have been one of this number.

A person is never fully appreciated upon direct contact. A sparkling diamond is best viewed at a prospective distance; a teacher’s merits can be fully realized only in retrospect.

Miss Elenor Galster is such a person. Almost any of her present mathematics students, whether he takes a form of geometry or algebra, will complain that she works him much too hard – she makes him think. But any college student who has been in one of her classes praises her greatly for the same reason expressed in somewhat different terms – she taught him HOW to think. This is the educational philosophy of our beloved mathematics instructor: think before you say it. A student who repeats the words of the book without understanding the fundamentals is indeed, giving only “parrot talk.”

This lesson can be applied to our way of life. Too much of what we do and say is only “parrot talk.” In her own way Miss Galster has tried to teach us how to use the mentalities God gave us, whether we are working a geometry theorem or living an adult life. Many times she has shown us that the greatest feeling an intelligent man can have is undertaking a difficult problem and solving it. The feeling of accomplishment is well worth the effort.

I am deeply sorry that future students will not have the opportunity of having this great lady as a mathematics instructor. Miss Galster has decided to retire from the teaching profession. This indeed will be a great loss for the students of Niles McKinley, students who regarded her with deep devotion and affection. These students may some day forget the sum of two and two, but wherever they go, whatever they do, they will always remember our Miss Galster.

Western Auto

On the Monday after I graduated from high school I went to the Niles Times office to see about getting a summer job there. But no luck. I decided to try an employment agency in Youngstown. I went to three of them; the first two did not have any listings for summer office jobs. However, the Wells Vocational agency found a possibility at Western Auto in Youngstown. It wasn’t really a “summer” position, but I thought I might be able to take it, since there was a branch store in Kent where I might be able to work next fall when I would begin college at Kent State. I could start the next day. The pay would be $33.00 a week plus commission. The main difficulty would be getting back and forth by bus between Niles and Youngstown.

The first day of work, real work, began. I cleaned up all of the counters with a shop vacuum. I lugged stuff from the cellar stock room. I met the other clerks. There was Quintin, a junior in college who was planning to be a Nazarene minister. Rudy was twenty-five, looked to be nineteen, and had an expectant wife and child. Mr. Miller worked in auto parts and complained all day long. Charlie Z. was floor-manager with a mean disposition. Paul K. was assistant manager and was very nice. So was Mr. Rishavey, the general manager. The other people in the store included Art, stoneroot clerk; Fred, receiving-room clerk; Carey, service department attendant; and Mr. Robinson, who installed seat-covers.

The second day, I stocked counters. The work was easier than yesterday’s, easier on the back but not on the legs. It would take time, I guessed, to learn to stand on my feet for nine hours a day. My legs from the knees down felt dead.

On my third day, I started selling. I took in $72.33 in cash; $25.00 for charges, and for tires, $86.00. Because I sold seat covers for $10.20, I earned a 10 percent commission. I enjoyed selling and thought it was a lot of fun. I hoped I would continue to enjoy it. I only wished the red tape were less. As one of the main Western Auto stores in the area, we determined what merchandise would be sold in northeastern Ohio. On each sales receipt the clerks had to insert the catalogue number for every item sold. Charge sales demanded even more detailed information.

The next day was exactly like the previous one. I supposed most of the days that summer would be the same. Saturday was the busiest day of the week. I sold no tires and nothing on charge. However, I made $140.42 in cash sales and earned $1.95 for myself through commissions. My total for three days of selling was $474.55.

Monday of the second week must have been “tire day.” By selling ten tires, I took in $180 for Western Auto. However, my cash sales amounted to only $58 with no other charges. This evening I walked downtown to the Grill, the local teenage handout.

The next day was a bummer, with $40 in cash and $6 in charges. Actually, I had $66 but the seat covers I sold to some woman did not fit and she had returned them. That evening, again, I went to the Grill for a ten-cent cup-of-coffee.

On the beginning of my second week, I drew my first paycheck. I made $32.10 with $4.28 for my income tax deduction and a sixteen-cent miscellaneous deduction. My net earnings were $27.66. I did not ask about what had happened to my “commissions.” In the mail I found a letter from Wells Vocational reminding me I owed them 10 percent for finding me this job at Western Auto. And so began my employment history.

A Few Other Views

My life has had several periods; at times they have seemed like eons. I’ve concluded my reflections on the first part: my eighteen years before going off to college. I’ve written both in a memoire style, in which I have remembered the past, and in a journal style, in which I have repeated entries I wrote more than six decades ago. One such entry was a summary as of “Sunday, June 8, 1952″ that presents a view of me from that long-ago time.

“Let’s start this summer off by talking about me, since no one else does. I am five feet eleven inches tall, weigh 210 or there about; have brown hair and blue eyes. I wear glasses for I am nearsighted. I have no marks or scars other than a two-inch welt on my leg from a dog-bite by Dorrie Wenzel’s dog. My I.Q. is well more than a hundred, but my athletic index is below average. For some reason my popularity index is quite low. I have no steady girl, although I like Martha Smith. I have no true enemies and only one rival, Scott Garrett. My one fault is I can’t remember names. Faces I know; names, I don’t. I have an acute inferiority complex brought on by a lack of athletic ability. However, Scott says an admitted inferiority complex indicates a subconscious superiority complex. My one great desire is for a car. My one hate is my father. My favorite hobby is stamp collecting. I also enjoy writing letters to foreign boys. My future holds the occupation of a teacher, biochemist, psychiatrist, or psychologist. My favorite colleges are Kent, Bowling Green, Harvard, Yale or Cornell.”

It’s quite remarkable, I think, how the concluding, predictive views turned out. I did go to Kent for my undergraduate work, earning two degrees: B.S. in Ed. and B.S. with a major in chemistry. Four years later, I completed my Ph.D. at Cornell with a major in biochemistry and minors in organic chemistry and endocrinology. Much of my pleasure has come from teaching adult education in religion and bible studies. I did not earn any degree in psychology, but I’ve applied insights from this discipline throughout my entire life.

My weight at the time I graduated from Cornell reached about 235 pounds; it’s now about 160. My spine has compressed to about 5’9″. Recent cataract surgery has dramatically modified my nearsightedness. I never could do much athletically, but enjoyed walking, until recently when my mobility rapidly changed to a much slower pace. My interest in correspondence with foreign students led to a great (and fulfilled) interest in foreign travel to Europe. My US mint stamp collection begins in the 1920s and continues to the current year. Martha Smith unhappily married and divorced Don Castle. I fell in love and married Karen Swank more than sixty years ago! I still cannot remember names.

In reviewing my journey before Kent, I’m pleased to discover that it may have been more pleasant than I once recalled it to have been. I’ve concluded, thus far, that probably every teenager had less than an ideal, picturesque life. Mine was no different from theirs, but I may have reflected more than many about how it was going at the time. I strongly doubt any of my friends kept a diary, or some sort of record, for as many years as I have. As a result, I know where I’ve been; I’m still interested in where I might be going.

This, for now, completes the second section of the “bronze years,” which continue to include the remaining segments of my formal education, under the tabs “Kent State University” and “Cornell University.” It is then that my life truly began with my meeting, falling in love with, and marrying Karen. This life has continued with an expansion with three children and their spouses, as well as with grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I have enjoyed rereading old diary entries and writing newer reflections on those early years. I hope whoever may be reading these lines has found them to be entertaining, if not enlightening.

Senior Mid-Year Reflections

Addendum: In my diary I wrote a several page reflection on what would have otherwise been blank pages. It is dated December 13, 1952, i.e. mid-way during my senior year in high school. However, since these are, perhaps, more philosophical rather than chronological recollections, they are presented here, at the end of my senior year at Niles McKinley. They were composed when I was seventeen, they represent a limited background!

Origin: Instead of drawing a lot of odd lines and characters across the pages of days upon which nothing happens, I intend to write reflections, retrospectives, predictions, philosophic wonders and any other miscellanea that occur to me. However by miscellanea I do not mean the kind of hash fed to gladiators which was termed miscellanea. Or on second thought, perhaps this will become a hash of juvenile adolescentian (sic) origin.

A true philosophic work should start at the origin. According to the ancients, the origin came out of Chaos by Nyx, or Night. But in Christianity the origin is termed God.

Thus God is the Origin. There must be an Origin, ergo there must be a God. There must be a first cause to produce anything and everything. When we trace resulting causes and effects backward, we come to the first cause.

One might say that the earth was the effect of the sun, Sol, in juxtaposition with another star. But where did sol come from? A cloud of condensing gases? And whence comes the cloud? From X? And whence comes X? From the origin and the Origin is God.

Who or What is God? – is to ask for the origin of the Origin. But an origin has no beginning for it is the beginning and the beginning is it. Where is the origin of a circle, where is the origin of a Moibus strip, where is the origin of infinity? Erat. Est. Erit. It was. It is. It will be. So it is with any origin. So it is with the prime origin – Deus.

But by what attributes do we know this divine personification of the Origin? Look but to your own soul, mind, and body for the answer, for there are the greatest attributes of the Divine Origin.

Now you have the anticlimax of the origin – Erit, Est, Erat. The soul will be, the mind is, the body was. The soul is the origin-eternal; the body the origin-temporal; and the mind but the synapse between the temporal and the eternal. The pons-temporis is chained by the body, yet has the wings of the soul. It may attempt flights of fancy, flights of peace and tranquility but it must always return to the body.

The three must exist together for man to be the complete attribute of God. But sometimes Erat departs and man dies in body; sometimes Est departs and man dies in mind; sometimes Erit departs and man dies in soul. The first is proclaimed dead, the second is proclaimed insane, and the third is proclaimed a sinner. Yet in some, the three attributes are stronger than in the ordinary mortal. Then the first is proclaimed ambitious, the second a genius, the third a saint. But woe to him who is lacking or in excess on these three attributes, for mortal man is a jealous creature.

Mortal man is not a perfect creation of the Origin, for numerous times the mind joins forces with the body for mutual pleasure at the expense of the soul. Yesterday and today care but naught for tomorrow. The union of the body and mind goes by the name of evil. The body alone is pleasure; the mind alone is jealousy. Together they double their power and become evil.

If the attributes of the Origin may be Good and/or Evil, may the Origin be Good and/or Evil? By adding or subtracting may the Origin be God and/or Devil?

The ancient Romans had many divinities, many manifestations of the Origin. Some were virginal, Diana; some were rapers, Apollo; some were good, Vesta; some were bad, Dis.

But today we consider the Origin good. Yet can an Origin be truly good if it permits war, poverty, and suffering? A point, but one easily refuted, or is it? While it is true that man produces these three scourges, still the Origin produced man. And still it permits these crimes. Or is the Origin no more than just the origin? Did the Origin produce the beginning and then lose power?

I think not, for while the origin of a circle always was, always is, and always will be, so the Origin of the Universe always was, always is, and always will be, to look after its creations and to hope that they will all carry its three attributes neither in less or greater quantity – for only then will the soul, mind, and body of each individual exist in the perfect harmony of the Origin.

Man and Woman: What is the origin of man and woman? The Hebrews say that God created Adam from the dust and Eve from his rib. The Greeks and Romans adhere to the story of Deucalion and Phyrra who created mankind from thrown rocks. Science claims that algae were the parents of homo sapiens. Depending upon your own beliefs in the matter, choose your own theory of it.

What is man physically? Physically he is a composite of seven tubes of varying size, namely the head, two arms, trunk, penis, and two legs. There are other appendages but these are the main ones. These tubes are packed in wrappings of various types of muscles. The more densely packed and proportionately distributed the better is the individual. Above this there is a scattering of hair upon the arms, legs, chest, etcetera. Supposedly it is most densely allocated on the top of the head. And so except for a few minor embellishment we have the male of the species.

The female is structurally similar except she has nine tubes: eight exterior and one interior. The exterior ones are the head, two arms, trunk, two breasts, and two legs. The interior one provides an accommodation for the corresponding male tube, not to be confused with mail tube. The female has more padding than has the male and the final wrapping is not coarse but very soft. She has an excess of hair only on her head and very sparse on other parts. Of the two, she is physically the more tender, for the male must forage for her. But if the stronger male displeases her, she is in spirit and frenzy twice his match.

A young, handsome male will try many things to win the admiration of a member of the opposite sex. While he might climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, brave the hottest desert sands, or coldest arctic snows for her, he will not venture out of the house for her when it’s raining. But usually the young male will either put on heavy clothing and flex his muscles in a football game or strip down to shorts to thrill her at basketball.

The female in turn, if she is young and well formed, must do little to impress the male. While she might wear a lot of fancy clothes to attract his attention, just the opposite will attract more than just his attention.

During the early years they are quite compatible. They will hold hands, sit in the dark, kiss, and indulge in other forms of companionship – such as going to the movies, dancing, etcetera. In the first years of the period of their life called teenage – they usually go with numerous representatives of the opposing sex. But later a mild but common disease (parvus canis amor) sets in to produce a temporary insanity, termed “going steady.” The symptoms of this are well known – they include: a loss of appetite, increased day dreaming, a lowering of grades (where possible) and more day dreaming.

However the disease is neither serious or permanent for the “going steady” slowly dissolves after a period of time. However in rare cases complications and/or true love sets in and this disease becomes a malady termed marriage. But due to the progress of mankind in the field of medicine, a pill of divorce will usually cure this and get rid of marriage. Occasionally an after-effect of alimony occurs.

Yet in the early stages, and in the later ones too, triangles must be avoided at all costs, especially the P-M-D type. It may be aggravated considerably by the presence of a doctor’s son. The fidelity of M also makes the case stronger to the exclusion of P. Conditions may be alleviated somewhat by the applications of locomotion in the form of a motor vehicle of recent vintage. Otherwise rigor mortis will set in.

[The following is dated 12/31/52. The opening paragraph is a pre-amble.]

V-E Day in Okinawa: I am studying history for a scholarship test I have to take. I am using Miss Campana’s modern history syllabus when I run across a clipping from the Cleveland Plain Dealer. I read it and am moved almost to tears. And so I am recording it here – what is a fine bit of prose by Gordon Cobbledick. The date line is Okinawa, May 8 (1945). The topic “V-E Day?”

       We stood in the rain this morning and heard the voice from San Francisco, only half believing. There had been so may false reports. But this seemed to be the McCoy.
      “Confirmed by Gen. Eisenhower’s headquarter,” the voice was saying. “Prime Minister Churchill proclaimed May 8 as V-E Day.”
      Artillery thundered and the planes roared low overhead and we couldn’t hear all that the voice was saying.
     “President Truman – Marshall Stalin announced – the Canadian government at Ottawa – unauthorized announcement – American News Agency – “
      So, this was V-E Day. It was V-E Day in the United States and Great Britain and Russia, but on Okinawa the ambulances skidded through the sticky red mud and bounced over rutted rocky coral roads. Some of the men who rode them gritted their teeth behind bloodless lips and let no cry escape through eyes that were dull with the look of men to whom nothing mattered greatly. Some screamed with pain that the morphine couldn’t still. And some lay very quiet under ponchos that covered their faces.
      It was V-E Day all over the world but on Okinawa. Two doughboys lay flat behind a jagged rock, and one said, “I know where the bastard is and I’m going to get him.”
     He raised his head and looked and then he stood, half crouched, and brought his Garand into position.
     When he tumbled backward the rifle clattered on the rocks. The boy looked up and smiled sheepishly and said, “I hurt my arm when I fell,” and the blood gushed from his mouth and ran into a quick torrent over the stubble of beard on his young face and he was dead.
     It was V-E Day at home but on Okinawa men shivered in fox holes half filled with water and waited for the command to move forward across the little green valley that was raked from both ends by machine gun fire.
It was V-E Day but on Okinawa a very young marine cried like a frightened child and his voice rose shrilly. “I can’t stand it any more. Oh Jesus, I can’t stand it.” A grizzled sergeant watched him for a minute, half in compassion, half in contempt, and then called, “Corpsman, take him back. He’s no good up here.”
     It was V-E Day but on Okinawa a staff officer sat looking dully at the damp earthen floor of his tent. A young lieutenant, his green field uniform plastered with mud, stood awkwardly beside him.
     “I was with him, sir,” the lieutenant said. “It was a machine gun bullet, sir. He never knew what hit him.” He paused. “He was a good marine, sir.”
The staff officer said, “He was the only son we had.”
     On Okinawa a flame-throwing tank lumbered across a narrow plain toward an enemy pillbox. From a cave a gun spat viciously, and the tank stopped and burst into fire. When the crewmen clambered out machine guns chattered, and they fell face forward in the mud and were still.
It was V-E Day everywhere but on Okinawa the forests of white crosses grew and boys who had hardly begun to live died miserably with the red clay of this hostile land.
     It was a day of celebration but on Okinawa the war moved on. Not swiftly for swift war cannot be waged against an enemy who burrows underground where bombs and shells and all the instruments of quick destruction can’t touch him. Not gloriously for there is little glory in any way and none at all in cold and mud. But the enemy wouldn’t wait and the war moved on.
     It was V-E Day and on Okinawa a soldier asked, “What were they going to do back in the States – get drunk and forget about us out here?”
Another said, “so they’ll open the racetracks and turn on the lights and give people all the gas they want and the hell with us.”
     Another said, “They’ll think the war is over and they’ll quit their jobs and leave us to fight these bastards with pocketknives.”
You told them it wasn’t so. You said the people would have their day of celebration and then would go grimly back to the job of producing what is needed so desperately out here.
     And you hope to God that what you were saying was the truth.

The Land of He

Thus far I’ve made only passing reference to my father, in terms of “he” or “him.” That’s how I always thought of the man as I was growing up – not a relative, not a biological parent, but rather merely a distant male presence in my life, a presence that was somewhat evil, albeit, he was only emotionally, not physically, abusive, even though he often threatened bodily punishment. In return, I hated him. Somehow I did not completely fear him, because I realized, at some level, that he would not actually lay a hand on me. I’m not sure why I thought this. Many times, I believed, as probably many sons do, that he was not really my biological father. I was adopted; I could not truly be related to him. He often reinforced that belief.

His usual war-cry or opening salvo was about money, the money we stole from him. Born of the depression and failed banks, he had no financial accounts of any sort, not even a checking account; he did have US savings bonds (war bonds.) The money available for food was deposited, with the cashing of his paycheck, into a coffee cup on a kitchen shelf. I have no idea where my mother kept any funds for clothing and household needs. Perhaps there was a “cup” in some other part of the house, or she was forced to use what she earned by working in the cashier’s office at the local Woolworth’s.

At random times, often at the beginning of the year, he would yell that we took money from the cup for things other than food. We stole “his” money! This opening cry was frequently followed by abusive language about my mother. In an effort to get my hatred under control, I would write in my diary what had occurred. In most cases I wrote in a code I had invented to conceal thoughts I wanted to keep private.

But not in mid-August and early September of my senior year, 1952.

That summer he had taken violently ill and was hospitalized. I have no recollection of the nature of his illness, since it is recorded in code that I could read easily at the time but which the years have made difficult to decipher. However, the entries for early September appear un-coded as “regular English.”

Monday, September 1, Labor Day: “I suppose I should write today’s entry in code but English will do better. First: about one o’clock, his sister phoned and said to Mom, “What! Haven’t you gone to the hospital yet?” Aunt Mary then added she couldn’t go, for she was canning tomatoes and would be too tired! So when Mom finished washing clothes, she went to the hospital in Warren. No one else was in “his” ward, for Mr. Allen and the Greek had been discharged. Therefore “he” spent his time calling Mom vile names. Today she was a whore, and a cock-sucker who should go out on the road and pick some prick up.

“A few nights ago, when “he” was so sick I asked God to let “him” live, for “he” might have changed and we should wait and see. Well, my most ardent wish now is he has a relapse and suffers in agony before “he” dies. But “he” will probably live making Mom and me exist in a hell on earth.”

Tuesday, September 2: ““He” came home from the hospital today. Uncle Frank Borecki brought him, because “his” relatives were too busy to do it. Mom had to pay a hospital bill of 51¢. Hospitalization took care of the rest. Now he can spend his $800 and bonds in gambling. His mother and brother, Joe, were here to see him. Aunts Vi and Ada phoned.”

Wednesday, September 3: “For some unknown reason, “he” again started degrading Mom, saying she was lazy, a poor housekeeper, stank, etc. The same as usual. “He” seems to be angry because she didn’t go up to Camerino’s to help them can tomatoes. But why should she, since grandma, grandpa, Mary, Frank, and Joe are there to do it. They never come here to help Mom.”

Thursday, September 4: “God, is “he” hot again today. Mom went up-the-hill with Smutz to get tomatoes for canning. While she was gone “he” repeated to me everything “he” had said previously. According to “him” anything she canned will be poison for “him.” “He” added a few comments about his “limited” freedom and enjoyment here. “He” said he was cashing his bonds so he could have a good time – good bye my education. What’s more important, if she says anything, “I’ll cut her up and see that she makes the pages.””

The physical abuse did not materialize. The verbal abuse continued. I always felt he despised me from the beginning. It may well have started when I was a toddler and he thought I had replaced him, with my mother loving me more than she did him. They had dated for seven years before being married. During that time my mother had never met any of his family – not until a month or so before the wedding. They certainly had the time to get to know one another. On the other hand, I’m not sure he ever had the time to get to know me or I him.

In my eighteen years living in his presence, he never had a kind word for me. He never acknowledged any accomplishment I might have made. He never, to my recollection, hugged me or said he loved me. Many times, according to my diary entries, he did say: “No other husband treats his family so well. I must work all day to feed you. Without me, you would be scum.” He continued to begrudge everything we had and threatened to take everything we did have and leave, or, more preferable, to kick us out.

Earlier that year, soon after he bought our television set, given that all of our relatives and his friends already had one, he removed a tube or two and was pleased we now had a “broken tv.” His action was the result of my mother’s asking him to turn down the full-blast sound of the baseball game he was watching. He bragged to Uncle Bill and others that if he could not enjoy himself around the house, no one would.

His major form of having fun was gambling. It was not uncommon for him to end a fight with my mother by walking out of the house to play cards and lose hundreds of dollars in the process. On one occasion he did feel guilty about the gambling and that he had lost $57 two weeks ago and $20 last week. As penance he had gone to an auction in Pennsylvania and brought me a Helbros wristwatch. My diary says it had “17 jewels, gold stretch band, and sweep second hand. It was originally priced at $110 but he got it for $37. It is not second-hand or so he claims. Anyway it is not a bad looking watch and I rather like it.” It is, to my recollection, the only gift he ever bought for me. Birthday gifts and Christmas presents came from my mother.

Although my mother usually made me feel we were on the same side when either of us had arguments with “him,” she was not always warm and fuzzy. When it came to a decision that had to be made, her response was often: “Well, that’s your department, you can do what you think best; do what you want.” We seldom disagreed. Our own interactions were minimal and without physical touching, once I was out of childhood. The rare instance of our disagreements has only once referenced in my diary:

Sunday, December 14, 1952: “Sometimes I wonder just who the crazy one is around here. Him – Her – or Me. Right now, I am beginning to suspect it’s Her. The way she talks now, she can’t wait until I get out of here next year and go either to college or on my own.

“Well, I can’t wait either. Does she think I enjoy it around here with those two bitching all the time to each other and to me? Is it supposed to be fun to listen to her yell every time I come home about how rotten he is? I’m human – I can remember once and reason. I don’t have to learn by repetition like a dog.

But who can I talk to? Whom can I confide in? No one. Certainly not to him or her. And I have no friends. So instead I have to keep it bottled up inside me. But it’s dangerous to let live steam condense of its own accord. Someday the safety valve has to pop.

“Anyway I can hardly wait until I can get out of this place and not return. I despise it and everything in it.”

So I admit that when stressed by the bickering and verbal/emotional abuse of my teen years, my response was often to sit on the porch swing in the summertime or retreat to my room at other times, where I would contemplate his death, my suicide or my hope that the future would be better once I was able to leave home for college.

It wasn’t until I was married, had my own family, and had enough instruction in psychology (in college I had as many “hours” in developmental psychology as I did in chemistry, my formal major) that I began to understand and appreciate my own development and the influence it had on me and how my own adult relationships arose from my younger life.

My father probably viewed me as the major competitor for my mother’s love for him. He took out his frustration and anger on both of us. They never saw divorce as a means of solving their problems, even though his brother Freemont (sic) had been divorced when his son, Fremont Junior, was in junior high school. It was then that Uncle Freemont became distanced from the family. Fremont was entirely outlawed, since he and his sister, Mary Ann, remained with his mother, Aunt Anne. It was only years later, after my father had died, and I became outlawed, that Fremont was reaccepted by the family. (Modern Italians still practice vendettas!)

During my college years and those which followed, I returned home only for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The love that he was unable to give to me, he wholeheartedly presented to his three grandchildren, especially on the very rare accessions when the two of them would visit us in the various parts of the country where we lived, at the time.

He and I spoke, sporadically; we never had a conversation, per se. I knew when I needed to walk away in order to avoid a complete argument. It was also during these later years that my mother and father seemed to have reached a more “livable” life. Without my presence, they appeared to go to more places with her relatives: Bill and Ada Moransky as well as Rose and Frank Borecki. I would hear about their trips to local fairs and shrines on weekends or for fish dinners on Fridays.

Over the years, my hated and loathing of how “He” treated me has been modified to an understanding of “Him.” I no longer hate him, but neither do I have a love of the father who was and never could be.

Life Lived at KSU

When I actually had a lot going on my life, when new events were occurring, I didn’t have the time, or take the opportunity, to write about them. In high school, when my daily life was boring, I wrote comments about how it was boring – or I doodled to fill up otherwise blank pages. Life at Kent State University was very different. My diary for the 16-month period of September 1953 through December 1954 had less than a dozen notations. Yet those months covered more new activities than I had encountered in all of my previous eighteen years.

First, there was my life in Stopher Hall, one of the two residence halls on campus for men. Although the gender ratio for all of the students was equal, there were many more dorms for women than there were for men. KSU was known as a “commuter college.” Since Youngstown was some fifty miles east of Kent and Cleveland was about the same distance north of the campus, it was possible for most students to drive daily from their hometowns in northeastern Ohio to attend classes, especially if they had scheduled them for only two or three days a week.

I was among the few who did not commute. In fact, I rarely went home, except for breaks between the four “quarters” of the academic year. It was only during these breaks that the campus truly closed down. I often attended summer school, the “fourth” quarter, and was able, during my four years at Kent, to earn two degrees: B.S. (with a major in chemistry) and B.S. in Ed. (with an emphasis in the sciences and mathematics at the secondary level.)

At the beginning of my freshman year, I shared a room with Eugene Kalal, who came from Rocky River, Ohio. He usually went home on weekends. He was a bland roommate; I remember very little about him. The space we shared was a typical dorm room, with bunk beds which Gene and I took apart, since neither of us wanted to sleep on an upper bunk. There were two wardrobes for folded and hanging clothes; two study desks with wooden chairs; a single, wooden, yet comfortable, padded armchair for reading; and a shared bookcase; we each had two shelves. Our illumination came from one window, a ceiling light, and our individual goose-necked desk lamps for late studying after one or the other of us went to bed.

The best part of our room was that it was opposite the drinking fountain for our top-floor corridor. Not only did we have direct access at all hours to cold water, we also were available for drop-in visitors, since we usually kept our door open. The corridor restroom was also across the hall from us, offering us ready access to the communal toilets, sinks and showers, as well as a knowledge of the best time to use them, given the morning rush for getting ready for breakfast and classes, and the evening preparation for bed.

My second focus was a place appropriately called the Hub, the campus-wide location for meals, and, more important, for coffee breaks between classes. It was a challenge to see how many chairs could be placed around a small, four-sided table for coffee drinkers. The Hub was the center for both commuters and campus residents at all hours of the day. It was part of the Student Union building with its lounges, meeting rooms and game rooms. Commuters made use of the lounges for midday study or naps. Dormitory residents had their own lounges, used mainly in the evenings while their commuter colleagues had to work at paying jobs in order to afford attending the University.

Although I had a scholarship that paid for tuition and fees, I did need to work to provide for other costs. Fortunately, I was able to work in the reception office, or front desk, at Stopher Hall. My main task was answering the telephone and connecting callers with one of the phones located in each of the resident lounges on the three floors of the dorm. Anyone passing by a ringing phone was expected to answer it and shout down the corridor to summon the guy being called. When there was no response, I’d take a message and put it in his personal mailbox. Each evening, I had plenty of time to study between attending to calls and talking with semi-drunk students returning from one of the town bars. What with classes, late night studying and time spent in the Hub, there was little left over for keeping a diary. It was better to live life than merely to record it.

Academic Life at KSU

The purpose for going to college is to learn, to take courses in new subjects which stimulate you and educate you. Nevertheless, the major goal is to gain knowledge and information you can use to get a good-paying job after you graduate. Of course, I had those objectives, too, but the courses I remember six decades later are the ones in which I had fun.

I no longer recall what specific subjects I encountered or when I encountered them. I did test-out of standard English for my freshman-year. My high school public speaking classes gave me a foundation for composition and grammar. Four years of Latin in high school were beneficial for an understanding of nouns and verbs; of subjects, objects, and indirect objects; and of compound sentences. As a result, I was able to take courses on short stories and theater that were more enjoyable than freshman English might have been. For many years, my favorite past-time was reading short stories and plays instead of long novels. American and European history courses were highly interesting. I wish I had taken more lectures in ancient history and medieval studies.

Among my favorite courses was a senior-year elective in “comparative linguistics” in which I saw the connections among Sanskrit, Greek and Latin as they evolved into the Romance and Teutonic languages. I can still vaguely recall “Grimm’s Law.” My only formal, foreign language was German, taught by Professor Meinke, one of the few KSU instructors whose name my memory holds from the late 1950’s. As a result of comparative linguistics, Latin and German – and much to the chagrin of the foreign language department at Cornell – I was able later to “audit” French and pass the reading exam for my second language requirement in graduate school. Meinke’s special course in scientific-German was of great help in passing my first-foreign-language exam.

As a chemistry major, I had the requisite courses in general, qualitative, inorganic, organic, and physical chemistry. Biochemistry had to wait until I majored in it for my doctoral degree. Along the way I also had fundamental courses in physics and in mathematics. I managed to get A’s or B’s in all of them; the only C-grade I received was for a special offering in “chromatography” – a new chemistry technique taught in my senior year when I was dating my future wife and spending more time with her than I did in a chemistry laboratory.

Among the many biology courses I took, my favorite was endocrinology. Later, during my doctoral years, I used this subject for a “minor” – with my “major” in biochemistry. In order to fit everything in that I needed for my undergraduate science degree, I usually carried between eighteen and twenty hours each quarter. I spent much of my four years at Kent State in the lecture rooms and laboratories of McGilvrey Hall. However, my main deficits are in the Earth Sciences, which were also located within the confines of McGilvrey. (I also missed out on anything related to Economics.)

In addition to the B.S. degree, I wanted to earn a B.S. in Ed. and devoted hours to educational classes, with many in developmental and behavioral psychology. I remember, with gratitude, Dr. Gerald Read who taught me both educational philosophy and how to think. During his first several classes, he would discuss a major approach to education and convince me that this approach was, indeed, the way I wanted to teach. He then followed with lectures on how what he had previously said made no sense. Next, he would offer views on another educational approach, which was far superior, until he tore that one apart during the following classes. After multiple build-ups and teardowns, I recognized the need to develop my own educational philosophy incorporating parts of all of what he had taught.

Now, THAT is what education is all about!

Social Life at KSU

Given that I usually enrolled for the maximum number of academic hours I could take each quarter, it’s difficult to believe I had any time for a social life – one in which I sought fun and fellowship with other students. But I did. I was determined to succeed in this new endeavor, since I never did in high school. I seldom got to bed before midnight, not because I was out carousing, but rather because I stayed up to study when I returned from the Hub or another college hangout, early in the evening. It’s fortunate I had learned to exist with a minimal amount of sleep.

I admit I had great difficulty getting out of bed and to a fast breakfast and still attend an eight o’clock chemistry lab. To help, I plugged my desk lamp into my clock-radio and pointed the bulb towards where I expected my head would be at six-thirty in the morning, when the radio alarm turned on and I was tempted to smash the snooze button into oblivion. A quick use of the facilities across the hall from my room revived me enough to get to the cafeteria downstairs. McGilvery Hall was within a reasonable walk from the dorm.

Midmorning, the Hub offered a caffeine restorative. Coffee and a couple of cigarettes did the trick. Yes, I did start to smoke in my freshman year at Kent State. I continued the habit for the next 45 years. I was not alone; the Hub’s atmosphere held more nicotine than it did oxygen from early morning until late evening. Worse venues were the bars, although they usually did not begin the exchange of breathable air and un-breathable fumes until seven in the evening.

During my freshman year, I found the locations of the Rathskeller and the Venice to be reasonable walking distances from the campus. My alcoholic drink of choice was a Seven-Seven – a highball, consisting of a shot of Seagram’s Seven Crown whiskey diluted with ice and 7-Up. I learned to nurse them, drinking one over several hours. The other consumable was 3.2 beer – the usual, legal alcoholic beverage sold in Ohio at the time. A draft or bottle could last a couple of hours. Of course, there was always ginger ale, which looked more potent than it actually was and cost less than any other drink. I could easily get away with 15 cents for the ginger ale and 25 cents for a pack of cigarettes: Pall Mall or Kent (deluxe 100 with filter). My friends were fans of Chesterfield or Lucky Strike! Later, once I had joined Delta Upsilon, my hangout became Rocky’s, the bar where my new fraternity brothers drank, a place that the guys from Stopher Hall seldom visited.

Actually, my visits to the Rathskeller, the Venice, and Rocky’s were limited mainly to Friday or Saturday nights. The Hub was the usual meeting place; I seldom went to the Captain Brady, the hangout for fraternity and sorority members, until my sophomore year at Kent.

Given how often I attended movies while in high-school (three or four times a week), it’s strange I seldom went to them in downtown Kent. After all, I did have to give up something to find time for study in the evenings. In my early years in college, I did not get to many athletic contests.

Everyone had to take classes in physical education to meet graduation requirements. Mine were tennis, bowling, golf and archery; my favorites were ballroom and folk dancing. These last two were the only ones I actually participated in afterwards. Intramural sports were for other guys, not for me.

And what about “dating?” This was certainly a social activity outside my scope during high school. It took great effort to learn about it in college. My freshman year was often spent with friends from the dorm; they, too, seldom dated – unless it was when they went to their hometowns on the weekends. I did manage to find a few young ladies in my sophomore and junior years who might accompany me to significant campus dances. Experimental kissing and touching did occur – but not as frequently as fiction, on or off the screen, might portray for the fifties. Such events merit individual commentary for specific interactions, recorded elsewhere in these reflections. The same is true for comments about other individual friends and our relationships. Their numbers are better than any I could have anticipated from my high-school years. And that is the real marvel of my life at Kent State. I truly did have a happy social life. Finally!

Religious Life at KSU

The usual “religious crisis” came during my freshman year at Kent State. I had continued to attend mass at St. Patrick’s, the local parish on North Depeyster Street. This was also the gathering place for the KSU Newman Center, although special events were held on campus in the Student Union building. The Newman Center was the focus for Catholic college students, not only here but at practically every secular, academic institution in the country. Although the Centers now include every part of the spectrum for Catholic education, in the ‘50’s the emphasis was on social activities for young adults, a continuation of the CYO events of high school. Here young Catholics found fellow Catholics for dates, especially if they did not stay in either a fraternity house or an on-campus residence hall. At the beginning of the year, I went to Newman with guys from Stopher as often as I could.

I believe the name of the Newman chaplain was Father Dom. I wished he were more like Saint Dominic, although, at the time, I knew very little about either the saint or his followers. Advanced instruction in the faith was minimal. There were few, if any, discussion groups or ways to learn more about what it meant to be a Catholic in the years following the Second World War and the Korean conflict.

I had questions. Fr. Dom did not provide answers. Whenever there was an occasion for a religious discussion or Q&A, he had only one, standard response to all of the questions I attempted to raise. His answer: “Well, you have to believe that if you want to be a Catholic.” It was not until years later, after I had entered into my own, personal study, that I realized all of the questions I had raised had been answered a thousand years previously by the brothers of Saint Dominic, scholars like Thomas Aquinas, to say nothing of Augustine who had come nine centuries earlier. There were few modern questions that had not been addressed by the Church throughout its 2000 years of history, but the answers to them were avoided in order to accommodate the major problem, the “heresy of modernism,” which had prevailed in academe prior to Vatican II.

And so, as my freshman year progressed, I began to drift away from the formal Church. If some friends wanted to attend mass and the time was not inconvenient for me, I’d go to St Patrick’s. But as the college years passed, I became a lapsed Catholic.

At the same time, I did remain a cultural Catholic. Christmas and Easter continued to have religious meanings. If asked, I would respond that I was a Roman Catholic. I did not attend services offered by any of the many Protestant denominations or fellowships found at Kent State, even though I was invited to do so by friends who continued to be active participants in them.

My sense of morality continued to exist in a Roman Catholic mode. It would be difficult, however, to distinguish what was Catholic and what was merely a conservative-American sense of how a college student really should behave, one that was not necessarily consistent with the fictionalized view of what they did. Hooking-up, binge-drinking, engaging in deviant sexual-behaviors and using opiate drugs were still in the distant future. Even marijuana and LSD had to wait until the late 60’s to be part of the college scene. The Silent Generation was well underway during my years at Kent State.

The positive result of being a lapsed Catholic of the fifties, if it can be seen as positive, is that I was able in 1958 to marry in the Congregational Church and be “excommunicated.” My return to being a practicing Catholic awaits another time period in my life.

Carl Oglesby

I first met Carl when we were in the National Forensic League during high school. He was from Revere in Akron and had taken first place in about every speaking event in which he participated during his junior and senior years in the NFL. I considered him far above me in talent and accomplishments. Needless to say, it was a tremendous surprise when I saw him during my first days at Kent State. He was in the communal bathroom shared by our corridor in Stopher Hall. My opening words were something to the effect: “Good God, you’re Carl Oglesby, aren’t you!? What are you doing here?” His amused return confirmed my suspicion. Our friendship continued to grow throughout the next three years, along with our friendly rivalry.

His roommate was Ray Tabello, a Palestinian from Jerusalem, with whom he was in a constant, heated debate; Ray usually lost, as had every debater in Northeastern Ohio who had crossed verbal swords with Carl. Later that freshman year, during spring quarter, Carl and I became roommates, along with Alexander (Al) Kennedy, a chemistry major from Cleveland, who lived on our common corridor. We shared a “triple,” the only one, located at the dead-end of the fourth-floor wing. Our common adventures during our freshman year call for in-depth descriptions, but, for now, a feeble summary is needed for Carl.

Oglesby was the brightest guy I met at Kent State. In his fourth year, he left the University before his graduation and went to New York City to become a Bohemian actor, a playwright and, later, a political activist. He returned to the academic scene in the 1960’s, in Ann Arbor, where he completed his degree at the University of Michigan. At the same time, he was one of the founders of the Students for a Democratic Society, a young-adult activist group opposing the Vietnam war. He was an early visitor to Cuba and wrote about his experience there during the formation of the Castro era. He also wrote a book about the events relating to the National Guard shootings of KSU students on May 4, 1970.

At Kent State, Carl was an outstanding dramatic actor; his lead in The Crucible was magnificent in its believability. He was not handsome in any classical sense; he was tall and lanky; the results of acne significantly marked his face. But his voice was sublime. For Christmas, 1953, I had received a reel-to-reel tape recorder which Carl often used, especially if Al and I were out of the room. Carl was devoted to the poetry of T.S. Elliot and, for years, I saved the tapes he made of Alfred Prufrock. I later transferred his readings to cassettes but, unfortunately, I lost them during one of my cross-country moves. He also made color-pencil drawings; I have lost them, too.

Carl was the first atheist I ever met. We spent many midnight hours taking about religion and philosophy, of which he knew much, while I remained his neophyte. Al usually slept through our discussions, with a pillow over his head. Carl was the one who caused me to pose the questions I did for Father Dom to answer, which, as I said, he never did. If only Thomas Aquinas had been able to join Carl and me!

Our friendly rivalry in a public forum came when we were juniors. I was Parliamentarian of the Student Government Association and had become a member of Delta Upsilon fraternity (more later.) Carl was vehemently opposed to “Greek societies.” He formed a group, called appropriately, The Macedonians, which he wanted to have recognized as being equal to Greek-letter fraternities. Our opposing views were carried extensively in the Kent Stater, the student daily. I think we both had exasperated fun in the process.

Once Carl had left Kent, our paths did not cross at the same time. However, strangely enough, they did parallel one another, perhaps in a somewhat fate-determined manner. Carl taught writing and politics at Dartmouth College several years after I was there as a postdoctoral researcher in its School of Medicine. When Carl died in 2011, I learned that he was residing in Amherst, Mass., where he had also been on the faculty, twenty-odd years after I had lived there. He left his literary achieves to the University of Massachusetts, where I had once been Associate Graduate Dean for Research. We had journeyed from Kent State to Umass, but at our own paces and along our own pathways.

Early Transitions

The Beanie is probably the first memory a Kent State alumnus recalls in later years, at least it is for those who matriculated in 1953. Each Frosh wore a cap of blue and gold, with a small brim, to all classes and events for a time that seemed like forever but was probably only a few weeks. The one restriction in the activities for a Freshman, which may have lasted for the entire year and, perhaps, for what seemed like the rest of his academic life at the institution, is that he could not step on the University seal beneath Prentice Gate, the main pedestrian entrance to the campus.

The next recollection for all students, and visitors, too, was the Hill, itself. The buildings for the major liberal arts composed the crown for the hilltop, with the Admin building at its center. All of the structures were covered with classical ivy, which burned red in the fall along with the trees covering the hillside down to Rockwell Library. I, myself, burned up piles of calories as I crossed the campus between classes, plowing through leaves in autumn, snow and slush in winter, and squads of squirrels and chipmunks in spring and summer. Did I really step on one of those chipmunks as it scrambled across the stairs leading from one level of the campus to another? Certain memories say I may have, but I was never really sure.

As intended, freshman year at Kent was a transition from my life in Niles, from a life of uncertainty to a life of a different uncertainty, but one which was much more fun to experience. The classes were not any more difficult than in high school; however, the faculty was more knowledgeable about the subjects they taught, and wittier in their presentations than those I once endured at McKinley. Fellow students were more competitive now than they had been before; they also were more friendly and social than they had been in my previous life. Not knowing the failings of others in the past, they were open to new relationships. This was true even for those who continued with me from McKinley to KSU.

George Davies was a very pleasant carryover from the past, although we saw less of one another at Kent. Bob Wick lived in Stopher Hall but on a different corridor, which made it seem more like residing on other planets. Our conversations in the dorm lounges were far between, but, when they occurred, were as deep as those we had enjoyed in high school. Martha Smith also attended Kent, but our classes and lives never overlapped. Diane Lapolla also was enrolled at Kent; we dated a few times, mainly if she could not find someone else to accompany her to an on-campus dance. The four of them (George, Bob, Mart, and Dee) went back to Niles more often than I did. We continued our friendships but traveled different paths.

Dorm life was a salvation for me. It provided me with a ready-made group of potential friends, even buddies. I enjoyed my time between classes, playing card games, such as Hearts, or engaging in long sessions of Monopoly. We all had the opportunity to make fake money, even if the real stuff was not readily available to most of us who came from working, middle class backgrounds in northeastern Ohio. The modest income I needed for daily existence came from my working on the desk at Stopher Hall, as well as from being a chem-lab assistant during the daytime, when I mixed reagents for class experiments and helped monitor what other students might be doing and prevent them from blowing up the lab.

A personal transition occurring for me was my hair style. In high school I had a lot of it, arranged in massive waves piled high in a pompadour shape. Indeed, my high school yearbook photograph is now an outrageous hoot! It was toward the end of my freshman year that I finally opted for a crewcut. The short, scalp-showing result was ultimately accepted by my mother. My friends and I did not take as long to conclude that the difference it made in my appearance was an improvement; I was now a “college man” and did not stand out in a crowd of them. I had finally transitioned from Niles McKinley High School to Kent State University. I had also transitioned from a non-social life to one with many friends, an even more magnificent transition.

Smokers

For a Texan, a “smoker” is the major equipment required for barbequing beef brisket, pork or chicken in order to imbue the meat with a unique flavor. For a collegian in the 1950s, a “smoker” was the opening event for the “rush” season prior to joining a fraternity. I attended several smokers my freshman year at Kent State. Perhaps, this was one of the reasons I began to smoke cigarettes. Fortunately, it was not necessary for participants to inhale cigar smoke.

The smoker offered a semiformal opportunity to meet potential fraternity brothers and to compare the lifestyle of different Greek-letter societies. I attended several smokers offered by the groups in which I had an interest. It was soon obvious to me I wanted to become a member of Delta Upsilon. However, with rushing being a two-way street, the DU’s were not interested in my becoming part of them. I did not receive a “bid,” an invitation to enter a pledge period with them. I had no idea why I had not been offered a bid, but I did not accept one from any of the other fraternities I had rushed. I was stubborn; it was ΔΥ or nothing.

I was not sure why I was that interested in this particular fraternity, to the exclusion of all others. I did like the guys I had met at their smokers and hoped I might become close friends with them. The group, itself, was well known on campus. The House provided significant members for basketball, swimming, and diving. Many were well-established in collegiate government and in other campus groups. Delta Upsilon, itself, was also unique, I learned, as an international Greek-letter society. The brotherhood had been among the first social fraternities established in New England (1834.) However, it was not, as all others were, a “secret” society. Members had no special handshake nor closed initiation; they identified themselves as a “non-secret” Greek-letter fraternity.

During the fall quarter of my sophomore year, I was determined to join DU. Once again, I went to smokers sponsored by other fraternities and received several bids, but none from DU. During the winter quarter, beginning in January 1955, I once more made the rounds of smokers, but in a more limited manner. Jack Gordan, my roommate at the time, went with me to DU, the only smoker he attended. On January 26 the bids were released. One of them was from DU. I accepted the bid; Jack who had never rushed a fraternity previously, also received a bid and became a pledge with me.

The following summer, in August, I learned about what had happened during the final rush days of January. Lucy, a pin-mate of one of my closest DU brothers (actually, my “big brother”) and I attended summer classes. She told me, over a brace of “seven-sevens” one late night at Rocky’s, of the fateful discussions that were held about me during a January Chapter meeting.

There had been a huge argument. Many brothers weren’t on speaking terms for days afterwards. No wonder one of them, who later became a close friend, looked at me so strangely my first week of pledging. He must have expected I should have two heads!

Two of the leading DU’s, who had been against me previously, now orated for two hours. Many of the Chapter members were annoyed. They divided into two camps; evidently, I had some friends there, after all. Finally, the two who had been against me, agreed not to “blackball” me. It seems that both of them, who were of Italian heritage, were concerned that by accepting me, the fraternity would give the appearance of being too “Italian” and suffer in future recruitment.

Strangely, one of the traditions of the local fraternity was the annual “WOP-Harp” picnic! At this spring event, each brother, voluntarily taking a side in a beer-baseball battle, added an “O” either to the end or the beginning of his last name. In this game, the player had to chug a beer at each base before advancing to the next. Girlfriends continued to supply cups filled with brew at each stop. By the time the game ended, well before the ninth inning, the besotted players would enter into a free-for-all, resulting in every brother being dumped into the lake where the picnic was routinely held.

I never did understand how my Italian name, once more, played out in my destiny. But according to Lucy, after I was accepted as a pledge, there was no further dispute about my joining Delta Upsilon. Although other pledges were discussed for blackballing during the process, I remained immune.

Several times, over the years after graduation, I have attended reunions with the group during Kent’s Alumni Homecoming Weekend. Unfortunately, DU has gone the way of many fraternities and no longer has an active chapter at KSU. Nevertheless, I still have fond memories of those happy days of the fifties when I established bonds of brotherhood with those who are dedicated to Dikaia Upotheke, Justice our Foundation.

Becoming a Pledge

In medieval days, the path to knighthood had stages. First, you were a squire; you learned about the brotherhood, what to do when you were finally dubbed a knight. Actually, the process, itself, had little to do with the result; it merely provided servitude along the way, stuff that had to be done but knights didn’t want to do it. An internship for becoming a physician follows the same model. In a fraternity of the fifties, the process from initiation as a pledge to activation as a brother, took three months out of my college life, from the end of January to the end of April of my sophomore year. It began with the rite of initiation.

Thirteen of us gathered as pledges in the Chapter Room, a central site in the fraternity House, used for small meetings, conversations, quiet studying and, often enough, card playing. As we pledges gathered, the active brothers began to sing in the adjoining living-room. The panel doors separating the two rooms slid back. In the opening stood a table with a large candle with the Delta Upsilon insignia embossed on it. Chuck Miller, the DU President, faced us; the singing brothers were lined along the walls of the living-room, illuminated by that single candle.

Nervous and perspiring heavily, I did not really hear any of the words of the vows we read out loud to the assembly. Chuck called out our names and gave each of us a pledge pin, except me. Instead of giving me a pin, he returned my bid card! I was stunned. After the lights came on, I quickly exchanged the card with him for an actual pledge pin that one of the other brothers affixed to my shirt. After handshaking and welcoming, the “Actives” went downstairs to the large meeting-room in the basement, while we pledges met in the Chapter Room with Dan Patridge, our pledge-master, who instructed us on our duties as neophytes.

There were things we could not do. We could no longer enter the Chapter room unless given special permission; we could not step on the fraternity seal in the entrance hall. We had special information to learn for every meeting, at which time we would be tested on it. We had to obtain the signatures of all the Actives for our pocket-size pledge-books. We would have special work-details to do. We had house duties which must be finished before 3:30 p.m. every day and signed for by an Active in those pledge-books. As our turn came up, we had wake-up duty from 7:00 to 7:30 a.m. and errand duty from 8:00 p.m. until midnight. We were allowed two rings to answer the phone, if we were on the main floor, three rings anyplace else. For doing something wrong (really whatever an active didn’t like) we received demerits; for providing a service we’d get merits. They, too, were recorded in our pledge-books. If the demerits outweighed the merits, pushups might be called for. Our meetings were to be every Monday night at 7:30. Tonight’s meeting ended, and we pledges were off to Rocky’s for beers.

On Friday the Actives and pledges were scheduled to have a date party at the House, but the social card had not been submitted to the office of the Dean of Men in sufficient time to allow girls to be in the House for a party. Instead, there was a stag party. I went there about eight o’clock and had a good time doing nothing. I still felt a little out of place, but at least I was being accepted socially. However, in the long-run, I did enjoy myself, watching TV, talking, drinking 3.2 beer, and playing ping-pong.

The following week we had election of officers at our pledge meeting held, with permission, in the Chapter Room, at the same time that the Actives met downstairs. At tonight’s meeting, I was elected treasurer for our small group, without any idea of what expenses we might have or where the money would come from.

At the end of the meeting, we formed a circle with our arms crossed and with hands joined, while we sang “Hail Delta Upsilon,” a song we had to learn during that first week of being a pledge. There was a feeling of closeness I had never experienced before. This was, I finally realized, the reason I had to join this brotherhood. I couldn’t leave it now. Some six decades later, I still feel the warmth of that circle.

Pledge Banquet

Almost by definition, college boys are gross. The definition of a “pledge banquet” may not be dissimilar. For most people, a banquet is a formal, elegant dinner, often followed by speeches, many of which can be boring. There was nothing boring, however, about medieval banqueting halls where gorging was done to the accompaniment of jugglers or other rollicking entertainers. A pledge banquet resembles its medieval model.

One evening in mid-February, a few weeks after my initiation as a pledge, our fraternal gathering began very pleasantly and socially. The Chapter held a party for the pledges of several sororities – Delta Gamma, Alpha Chi Omega, Chi Omega and Alpha Xi Delta. I had a lot of fun and met some nice ΔΓ pledges. After the mixed party had ended, the Actives gave us pledges our own “banquet.”

We had been requested to bring old clothes with us to the party. I’m glad I did. The buildup was psychological. With hints, we were told how horrible the rest of the evening would be. These meager hints inadequately explained the conditions for the actual event.

At midnight, the Actives removed our watches, rings, and glasses. Our shoelaces were draped over our necks. We were marched into the darkened basement where we usually ate dinner and the Actives held their weekly meeting.

My myopic eyes could make out few forms. We were led around a table in the meeting room. The pledges were instructed to shout: “We crave food.” We got it – food? Our orders were taken, either steak or spaghetti. I requested the latter, without meatballs, since it was Friday. I shouldn’t have bothered; it was all the same. The served substance was brown and fluid. Over it, was poured a chartreuse sauce which smelled like paint. The beverage was a robin’s egg blue.

One of the more fun-loving Actives sat at the head of the table. He was wrapped in a protective sheet and wore a cullender on his head as a crown. As we stood looking at our repast, he read a story about men lost in the desert. At various times during the reading, we were required to eat and drink while our hands were bound behind us with the shoelaces we had once carried. The stuff tasted exactly like vomit. What a chemist they must have as chef! It really wasn’t the taste so much as the lumps that bothered me! I, however, did not swallow any. I smeared it around my mouth and dumped half of it under the paper plate. But I couldn’t fake the drink. I chugged three glasses of something that someone poured into my mouth. Some of my pledge brothers were not so fortunate. What was going down met what was coming up.

Finally, it was over. The banquet had lasted less than half an hour, but it seemed like it should have been all night. Afterwards, we were forced to clean up the mess. It was then we learned what the recipe was. The entree consisted of boiled Mother’s Oats seasoned with garlic and spices. The sauce was green food coloring in water. The smell? Who knows? The drink was colored buttermilk.

Having endured this experience, I felt a lot closer to eleven of the pledges; one of the older ones had managed to avoid the event. (He was later called before the active chapter to explain his absence.)

The banquet had served its purpose: bringing a dozen individuals into a single unit through shared adversity. After wrapping my smelly, food-spotted clothes in newspaper, I went to the all-night diner with the other pledges for coffee and donuts! We were crazy but happy. We were becoming a pledge-class.

Pledge Kidnaping

College years were ones in which strange events became part of my life. Things happened that were totally different from any I had encountered in high school and would never have expected, given the limited social interactions I had back then. One of them began in a very unanticipated way.

It was midweek when my pledge class had been called together for an evening work-session to prepare the House for a weekend rush party. Fraternities seemed to be constantly desiring to expand memberships. As a result of the winter smoker, we had become pledges only a month ago, but we were now part of the spring season for recruitment. My class was required to get the House ready for the event.

Our work started about 10:30 p.m. We cleaned the House from top to bottom. I, like fellow pledges, tried to get out of doing some of the work, or at least, to find something that was not too energy demanding. About 2:00 a.m. Jerry Lange, the house-manager, sent me out for newspapers to line the cupboards. I was returning from the J&E all-night diner when Chuck Ramsey, one of the Actives, yelled to me from a car he was driving. I stopped.

Suddenly three other Actives rushed toward me from the idling car. There wasn’t much use in my running. The four of them shoved me into the car and blindfolded me. Off we drove. We passed the greenhouses on the edge of town (the blindfold had been placed rather haphazardly) and I was lost. Finally, after many bumps, we stopped.

I was led out of the car. I heard nearby crickets; we were definitely in the country outside the town of Kent. I was told not to remove the blindfold until I heard the motor start up. Then I was to remove it and walk down the road at my right until I came to Jack Hinley, a fellow pledge, who was tied up. The car drove off; minutes later I found Jack and untied him.

The moon was bright so walking wasn’t too bad. But why walk back to Kent; what other way was there? The trucks that passed wouldn’t stop. Finally a car with a somewhat drunken driver squealed to a stop. He gave us a ride into Brimfield. There we found a telephone. The actives had taken my money but Jack had a dime. We called the House in hopes that a pledge would answer. Ed Burley, our pledge-class president, finally did, after a struggle with one of the Actives who had been in the car with me. Jerry finally allowed one of the other pledges to come for us; he claimed he needed our help to finish cleaning the House.

Our fellow pledge finally found Jack and me. My only problem was: Why, while we were walking for an hour, did Jack have to keep singing, “Boomerang?” (“What can I do? Why can’t I come back to you? Just like a boomerang … boom, boom, boom-erang … right back to you …”)

We worked until 4:30 a.m. and polished shoes until 5:30 a.m. Then we marched through the House, singing. The Actives didn’t appreciate our recital. I then went to the Diner for coffee. I had wake-duty at 7:00 a.m. and saw no point in going to bed.

The strain didn’t show until that afternoon when one of the Actives told me he didn’t like the parody script for the rush party he had asked me to prepare. I was to write another one. For some reason I felt like crying. I almost de-pledged right there. But that would have never gone over. I wrote a new script which he turned down in favor of the first one. That evening we didn’t use either one.

But we did use our best smiles as we drank beer at Rocky’s. Afterwards, a “cut session” was held to determine who should be invited for another smoker. The session lasted much too long. I saw the Actives in all their oratorical glory, even though we were merely pledges and had no inclusion in the decisions made. And then I went to bed. Exhausted, but happy.

Long Summons

The prelude to Hell Week started on Friday. It was the nicest part of the final week of pledging. At 3:00 p.m., pledges assembled at the House and were divided into groups for our “long summons.” In the basement, pledge-master Dan Patridge told Ken Kalish, Jack Gordan, Jack Hinley and me to go to the Delta Gamma house for a letter containing our assignment. And so, we were off in Hinley’s yellow convertible.

When we arrived at her sorority house, we were told that Barbara Springer (Jerry Lange’s girlfriend), who the DG’s thought might have the letter, was in class. The four of us went to the Brady for coffee, and, for the next hour, made guesses about where we might be going for the weekend. Once back at the Delta Gam house we waited for Barbara. When she returned, she informed us she knew nothing about a letter. However, some entertainment might refresh her memory. We sang and danced. Ken prayed to “Budda-Budda” for a good DG convention in Akron tomorrow. Finally, she remembered the letter. Our destination was Ohio State.

It was a long drive. With a stop for eating, we reached Columbus about 9:30 p.m. A telephone book gave us the address of the Delta Upsilon House, which we found thirty minutes later. No one at the House knew we were coming. However, they located four bunks and a place for our bags. The House was not impressive, although it was much larger than ours back home. The furniture was worse, with cigarette burns in practically every chair. The Actives did not seem too friendly, either.

No one volunteered to take us out for a drink, although they did tell us how to find Larry’s, a local bar. At Larry’s we managed to get some 3.2 beers. When the place closed at midnight, we went back to the House where we talked until 1:00 a.m. We did not meet any pledge brothers for they, too, had gone on their own long summons this weekend. And so, to bed.

On Saturday morning, I awoke voluntarily at 7:30 a.m. The other pledges were rolled out at 8:00 a.m. We were “requested” to paint the front porch. The Sauter-Finegan jazz band was coming to OSU that evening to play for the Military Ball. They were to dine at the House before their concert. Instead of helping paint the House, we skipped out for breakfast at a local diner.

Then we went looking for pledge paddles that we were to buy as part of our assignment in Columbus. We finally found a place and had the manager put them aside. We looked over OSU’s Student Union building I had first visited while still at McKinley High School. Once again, I was thoroughly impressed. The MAC bowling tournament was being held there. Of course, with Jack Gordan, our addicted bowler, we had to watch.

We also gave the campus the once over. After picking up the paddles we returned to the House before going to the sororities for signatures, which was the next part of our assignment. As we were ready to leave, a brick from the chimney, which was being repaired, fell on Jack’s car, making a large dent in it. The DU’s said they would pay for it.

While Jack took the car for an estimate, Kalish, Gordan, and I went around to the sororities identified by the Kent State Actives for us to visit. The houses at OSU were large and attractive. The DU House seemed about the worst one. Having obtained the required signatures, we returned to our House and helped the Actives paint the front porch. We then went out to eat. Since everyone was going to the dance, when we returned to the House we decided to head back to Kent. We left Columbus about 9:00 p.m.

The weekend was interesting, mainly because of Ohio State, itself. The DU’s there did nothing to add to our weekend. It was a heck of a way to start Hell Week. However, we knew the next few days would be intense and we had needed a quiet way to being. That’s what we got.

Let the Games Begin

Wednesday: games-night began in earnest. It was by far, the most strenuous and the most fun evening of the entire pledge period.

At ten-thirty we were assembled for the mile run. We were driven to a back road and then paced by Actives, who were basketball players, to run to the Big House, a bar-hangout near Kent. One of the Actives, who had become a close friend during my pledging, yanked me from the race on the grounds that I had a “weak-heart problem.” After the race, all of us were driven back to the House and we looked forward to a chance to rest. Ha!

We were welcomed by the usual questions posed during this final week: “What do you do when an active enters a room?” and its follow-up: “How many pushups can you do, Camerino?” Once more I was excused, by my health-conscience Active-buddy, and did not need to follow the command for extensive pushups. Then the games truly began.

The uniform of the day was a jockstrap and a burlap bag with holes for head and arms. First there was the “war game.” The battlefield made use of furniture scattered throughout the living room and first floor of the House. Active-umpires determined who had been killed. The two sides were armed with pledge-paddle guns accompanied by different mouth sounds according to our designated names. The sound for my group was “guinea-guinea-wop-wop.” Our enemies shouted “jew-jew-jew.” We entered the stage singing the Grenadiers’ March, “Sing, row, row, row, row.” Our opponents sang “Abie, Abie, joined the Jewish navy to fight, fight, fight for Palestine.” We guineas were slaughtered.

Now that we were warmed up for war games, we went down to the bare basement for bombardier. Three pledges lay on the floor with a towel protecting their eyes. Three pledges above them on a table were instructed to break raw eggs into waiting, open mouths. The direct hits had to be swallowed! Places were exchanged so all of us played both roles. I received two near hits. Unfortunately, I scored a direct hit on one of my fellow pledges, Ken Kalish. I felt terrible.

Soon the Actives tired of our struggle. One of them started the next round by ordering us to put raw eggs inside of our jockstraps, to crack them, and to do belly rolls and bicycles on the concrete floor. It was gooey. But more goo followed. We paired off in a circle and washed one another’s faces and hair with more raw eggs. Then we were given cups of flour into which we blew. I now knew how a cake feels. The flour stuck nicely on the egg scum.

A potato race followed. Chunks of potato were placed on the concrete floor. We had to squat over a self-selected piece, pick it up with our anal muscles, and carry it as far as we could. I lost mine and had to eat a sandwich which one of the Actives claimed was made of the winner’s potato. It tasted good, only because I recognized its ingredients, one of which was cold chile.

It was past three o’clock when the Actives became tired of our games. We ended them and began to clean up the mess of eggs, shells and flour that covered the floor. While we were cleaning up, I was called aside into the officers’ bedroom on the second floor of the House. It was dark save for the burning ΔΥ candle. I was instructed to mount a straight-back chair. The next test was to show my loyalty to DU. I had to pull down my jockstrap and tie a slip string to my bit of manliness. The string was tied to a rock. If I trusted the Actives, I was to drop the rock. I dropped it and the waxed string parted. I was then permitted to shower and go home for my two hours of sleep before classes.

What was once, I thought, an evening of tortuous fun, would, six decades later, be considered to represent an evening of hateful torture. I could have omitted writing about Hell Night, but it was an important event in my life, one which led to a comradeship I had never experienced before nor afterwards. Today, the hatefulness would be associated with the language we used, words which, at the time, we did not consider being hateful. They were part of the ongoing culture, one which existed then, but is under radical change, today. The sounds we made during our mock battle, were, to us, as innocuous as the N-word Mark Twain used repeatedly in “Tom Sawyer” and “Huckleberry Finn.”

Just as the words of a former culture are now being modified, the physicality of that evening would no longer be acceptable. Hazing in all of its forms has been eliminated as part of a procedure for initiation into any group. Potential harm is now illicit, if not illegal. Forcing a pledge to down large amounts of alcohol in a brief interval has, rightfully, been eliminated. Fortunately, this was never part of the pledge process with which I was familiar. Being urged to consume psychologically devastating food, however, was used. This activity would be forbidden today. In the fifties, eating green sauces over burned “Mother’s Oats” and drinking blue buttermilk, as we did during our earlier Pledge Banquet, were viewed as elaborate pranks, distasteful but not physically harmful.

The average pledge was skilled in avoiding activities that might, indeed, be harmful. I was not unique in smearing my disgusting repast around my face and hiding much of it under my paper plate. Getting out of running marathons or doing pushups by means of assistance from a friendly Active was also part of the methodology employed by “Hogan’s heroes” as well as by other “collaborators,” throughout human history.

Hell Week and Hell Last night were parts of joining any brotherhood in the mid-fifties. Adversity was employed to help bring about a fellowship. Modern activism is the opposite side of the coin of hazing. Hazing is used by those in power to induce followers, ultimately, to become coequals. Pledges become Actives. Activism is used by those lacking power in order to force Actives to allow the powerless (pledges) to become coequals of the Actives.

Conflict has been used for centuries, if not since the beginning of human culture, as a means to bring about the union occurring in a family, clan, tribe, or nation. We have not yet learned how to bring about unity through a nonviolent system, albeit Gandhi and his followers have tired in modern times. Christianity in its origins was an even earlier attempt, but it, too, suffered from inadequacies. The culmination of “Holy Week” had its own Hell Night before the dawn of a reconciling Redemption.

Hell Week Begins

The final week of pledging Delta Upsilon began with our return from the long summons to the Ohio State Chapter. Monday was work night; the first event was cleaning up the garage. Then we could study until midnight, the customary time for games to begin. However, tonight was different; there was no time for study and the games were called off.

About one o’clock in the morning, we were ordered into the backyard and, with the aid of spotlights, began construction of a patio made with flat, paving blocks. This was the pet project of one of the older Actives. It was never completely finished and was seldom used for any real purpose, other than as a place to practice outdoors for “Songfest” competition, held every spring. Our toil lasted until about 4:00 a.m., when we were finally allowed to get some sleep. The Active who had directed our efforts for his special project had yelled at us so much that he had lost his voice.

Tuesday was short summons. Two groups of pledges were assigned for tonight’s special trips. Five of us were told to drive to Youngstown and get the name of the manager of the Vernier Hotel and the number of rooms it had. Next, we had to drive to Smith’s Corners and count the number of tombstones in the cemetery by the Smith’s Corner’s church.

We didn’t drive into Youngstown. Instead we went to Niles where we ate at the local Handy Andy’s. Then we telephoned Youngstown for the information about the Vernier Hotel. (We may have been mere pledges but we weren’t stupid!)

We also called the Warren highway-patrol and Niles police for information on the location of Smith’s Corners, since it did not appear on any map we had, although we knew it was supposed to be near Niles. Finally, the Youngstown police said it was at the intersection of routes 7 and 46 in Columbiana township. We drove and drove but could find no Smith’s Corners. One of us again called the Youngstown patrol and learned we had gone twenty miles past Smith’s Corners. Tony, the veteran in our class, was really pissed off, especially at me, since I, having come from Niles, was supposed to know where Smith’s Corners was located.

We turned back and at last pulled into a cemetery and counted 980 headstones. However, I had seen no church. A few minutes later we passed a church and another cemetery. A sign read Smith’s Corners. It was less than twelve miles from Niles! We counted 137 headstones and got back to Kent at 6:00 a.m. I had to be up at seven o’clock and decided to go to the diner to reload on coffee, before the real day began.

Hell Night

Thursday, the final night. There were no games tonight, we were allowed to study. The Actives decided to go downtown to drink. At midnight we were herded, once more, into the officers’ bedroom on the second floor to wait. No Active was to enter under any circumstances, unless he was Gindlesberger, Lange, or Bob Owen. The house was quiet; we could continue studying but were forbidden to sleep. I tried to read some psych but couldn’t concentrate. A few Actives tried to get in but couldn’t. Bob Patterson sounded drunk. The pledges made a pool of a nickel each for the first one to go down. Ed Burley collected the money at 12:55 a.m. Shortly afterwards we heard some yelling from the basement. At 1:23 a.m., Jack Gordan was called. I was next.

Bob Owen took me into the hall. He told me to hold tightly to my paddle and not let anyone take it. The actives were drunk and liable to try anything. I descended the stairs slowly, expecting at any moment a fight. The living room was dark. The lights in the trophy case sparkled on the gold. Before the fireplace was a card table with the ΔΥ candle. A knee-rest of some sort was in front of it. I knelt.

Nic LaLumia, our recently elected President, in a blue bathrobe and slippers appeared and sounded like a priest in a Confessional as he told me tonight was the first part of the ceremony. Downstairs they were waiting to interview me for the last time. He had no control over them. He would remain up here. He then draped a blanket over me and instructed me to hold out my paddle at arm’s length and not lose it if an Active tried to knock it from my hands.

Owen blind-folded me and led me through the music room and down to the basement meeting room. He gave words of encouragement and instructions. I knocked on the door of the meeting room. “Who is it?” the Chapter boomed. “Pledge Camerino.” “What do you want?” they demanded. I then began my entrance song, the song which several times in the last week almost made me de-pledge. Knowing I could not carry any tune, the Actives spared me (and themselves); they admitted me before I finished. I was led over what must have been folding chairs to a table. The blindfold came off; I faced a hot-white lamp with my eyes still closed. Third degree commenced.

As I knelt there, pledge-master Dan Patridge asked me questions. The red behind my lids was strangely comforting. A voice on my right, Jerry Lange, helped with the answers, even though I knew them. On my left were Phil Miracle and Bob Patterson whispering wrong answers and telling me not to take this crap but walk out now. I smiled at the situation of the good and bad angles. I didn’t even mind the hot candlewax being dripped on the back of my hands. I withstood the slaps on the paddle.

And then Patterson’s, “Damn it, Camerino, I don’t want you!” Drunkenly he began a tirade against me. What could I do for DU? The others tried to shout him down but failed. “Camerino, you haven’t shown me nothing. Get out of here. Pass the box; I want a vote.”

It was decided a vote could be called. The box was passed. I was told to reach in. A “black ball” was actually a cube. I found a cube! Shaking, I told Jerry. The Chapter exploded at me and Patterson. Al Dalcher then read the rules. Bob was in his right. I was blackballed right out of DU and by Patterson, the last one I’d expect to do that.

I got up and as I stumbled over the chairs to the door, I heard Bob in a drunken, mocking monotone sing, “I ex-pledge Camerino, desire to leave.” I don’t think I cried then. Not until Owen offered me congratulations! Nic learned of the blackballing and offered his apologies. He said I was still welcomed to visit the House; Patterson was graduating. I said I had no hard feelings about the fraternity or even Patterson, but I wouldn’t be back. I had to give him the pledge pin.

And there was Stillwell. Even he looked sad, and now I’d never get to know him. Someone called my big brother. Dick got my books and we left. Corny perhaps, but the last thing I said was, “Hail Dikiaia.”

Dick and I went out to the car. But his was too far back in the parking lot, so he returned to the house to get someone else’s keys. I stayed on the porch.

He came back and said Nic wanted me in the Chapter room for a minute. When I entered, there was Bob Patterson and the rest of the Chapter. I groaned an “Oh, no” and fell into Bob’s arms. It had been a prank, another waxed string! I was now a Brother. The Actives, all of whom were quite sober, hurried off to get the next victim, Ken Kalish. I slumped down, peeled the hardened candle wax from my hands and talked to Nic and brothers Burley and Gordan.

But shortly I saw Kalish do the same thing I had done. My Big Brother and I then went out for coffee and donuts. We returned for the other interrogations. Of the twelve, ten cracked. Only Imrie and Angle didn’t. Vinciguerra, who had exhibited stomach trouble at the time, didn’t go through anything but third degree. Needless to say, I cut my eight, nine and ten o’clock classes that morning.

Brotherhood Glorious

It was, according to my journal, Friday, April 29; my pledging of DU had now been completed. I could go into the Chapter Room without anyone’s permission. I had, however, not yet stepped on the seal in the entrance hall. Thinking back, at the time, the previous twelve weeks had been the happiest ones of my life. Yet, the best were still to come. I now had 50 brothers – 50 terrific guys whom I wished were really my brothers.

I dated more and had more “adventures” that quarter than I ever had before. That was important to me, having lacked a real social life in the past. However, more important, I felt I actually belonged somewhere, for the first time.

A later event, for instance, was a vivid example of this for me. I had been looking for transportation into Akron to rent a tux for an upcoming formal. I had no way to get there, so Dick Laird, who had no personal reason to go, drove me into the city. That meant a lot to me; it was my omen for a good future. On the drive, he said that all the brothers liked me, and I had nothing to worry about. I hoped so. I wanted two, happy years in Delta U. And I did.

This memory, however, has now become a bittersweet one. Laird and I had gotten to know each other very well during the following summer when we lived in the House, together, while taking additional classes. However, shortly after we graduated, he died suddenly; he was the first of my closest friends to die, since the days of Jimmy Rossi when I was five years old.

On Saturday after the pledge period had ended, my plan had been to go to the House that morning to work without any need being required for my action. But when I had the opportunity to sleep, I slept. I went down late. No one was around except for Ken Kalish; we had an opportunity for a long conversation.

I had found that Ken was a difficult person to understand. He was subject to moodiness, even more so than I was at the time. Maybe this was one of the reasons I liked him and wanted to get to know him better; he seemed a lot like me. With most people whom I met, I usually accepted or rejected them immediately. However, with Ken it was entirely neutral. But while pledging with him, I found someone whom I would like to have as my best friend, perhaps a replacement for George Davies or Bob Wick from my high school days. Whether he felt the same, I didn’t know. He appeared to be sufficient unto himself. Except for Mike McNally and Dave Imrie, I don’t think he had any close friends. Perhaps even Mike and Dave weren’t all that close. Anyway, at the time, I wrote in my journal that I would keep looking for my “fidus Aecates.” As it turned out, I did find him in Ken.

A couple of years later, when I was about to be married, I asked him to be my best-man. He quickly accepted, even if it could have been a difficult choice for him. Karen and I were to be married in the Congregational church in Sandusky, Ohio. Our wedding would result in my “excommunication” from the Catholic church, the church in which I had been a member all of my life, even though at the time, I considered myself to be a “lapsed Catholic.” Kalish, too, was Roman Catholic and probably should not have been my witness for a non-Catholic marriage. Yet, he agreed and was the only friend to attend the wedding.

He, himself, never married and over the years we have not seen one another, except at a DU reunion or two. Christmas cards, with a short note from him, have been the only confirmation our friendship has continued to exist for the past sixty-some years. My son was named Kenneth Andrew, in acknowledgment of that friendship.

Sunday, May 1 marked the formal beginning of my new life as a fraternity man. I was activated into Delta Upsilon Fraternity at 2:00 p.m. in the Trinity Lutheran Church. The vows were dim, even shortly after their original recitation, but the feeling has persisted. The moment was climatic when Dick Owen, my big brother, dropped the blue and gold ribbon with the ΔΥ pin over my shoulders. And then the welcome by the brothers. My hand ached from the handshakes, but it was a pleasant ache. Big sister, Lucy Fell, congratulated me with a kiss. A reception was held at the House; then a dinner at Rocky’s.

When I wrote these lines in my journal, the time seemed appropriate for me to comment on why I wanted so much to join a fraternity, and, in particular, Delta U. For the past years, I had been searching for something – for what, I did not exactly know. In general, it was, I believed, a feeling of belonging, of being an integrated part of a special community. I believed that joining a fraternity, a specific brotherhood, would be the solution, but even then, I was not sure this could ever really become true. I had been a loner for so long, for all of my life, really.

When I had my first chance over a year ago, why did I not join a group who accepted me immediately? Why wait a year for DU? It was the guys in it. I had considered them outstanding in personality and talent. I wanted to be with those who would challenge me as well as accept me, to be among the “best.” At activation, I believed I had gained what I had wanted during all of the missed years.

On Monday night, I attended my first meeting of the active chapter and was immediately exposed to the alternative. The main discussion centered around one of the active brothers who had submitted a letter saying he wanted to dissolve his membership in DU. He claimed he had gotten nothing but beer from the fraternity. And he didn’t like beer. He maintained the brothers were not friendly enough to him. He was not a brother to them. At the moment, I hoped this would not be prophetic for me; that the event would not be an ominous one.

In the circle of the brothers which always completed the meeting, we joined hands, right hand over left; with the lights out and with strong, warm voices we sang: “Hail Delta Upsilon.” The words included the phrase: “brotherhood glorious.” At the time I felt this was most certainly true. I still believe that it is.

Dorm Battles

In high school a friendly rivalry had existed between Scott Garrett and me. In college, Alexander (Al) Kennedy replaced Scott. He and I were chemistry majors who shared many of our classes. For a while we were actually roommates living together in Stopher Hall with Carl Oglesby in a triple-room. However, our relationship, unlike the one I had with Scott, went beyond a mere rivalry for grades. Our interactions were, at times, more physical. In a way, we enjoyed them as “social” interactions outside of a mere battle of chemistry majors.

One significant battle occurred on a Saturday evening in my Freshman year. I was studying in my room when I heard someone calling, “Camerinooooo.” I couldn’t locate it in the corridor. Then I realized the sound was coming from the roof. It must have been just after Homecoming, because it was then that I had learned about the trapdoor to the roof we had decorated for Homecoming.

I ran down to the utility room. Sure enough, the trapdoor was open. I turned off the light and waited. The guys were annoyed because they couldn’t see to get down. Having some compassion for them, I turned on the light and went back to my room. A few minutes later I answered a knock on my door. It was Al Kennedy, Ray Tabello, and Tom Timmings. They pulled me into the hallway and tried to pants me. Tom was working on my shoe. It came off and he tossed it behind him. It arced up and broke a light-globe in the ceiling. And who should be watching from the lounge? Bill Douglas and Mark Anthony, the head resident and his assistant. They approached us. While the other three cleaned up the glass, I went to the second-floor lounge. A short time later Carl Olgesby came down. He wanted me to listen to a speech of his. I said we could go to the first-floor lounge, but he said my room would be better.

I compromised by going to his room. He had moved from my corridor to another to get away from his original roommate, Ray Tabello, an Arab student who argued politics with him 24/7. Safe in Carl’s room, I told him of the incident. When I had finished, he opened the door. In rushed Al, Ray and Tom. They left with my pants.

I borrowed Carl’s bathrobe and went to the office to get a duplicate key for my room. When I returned to it, I found its contents completely turned around. The gentlemen then decided I needed a bath and tossed me into the shower. Later when I was dry, and all had been forgiven; we straightened up the room. We then smelled popcorn and traced it up and down the halls to the first floor. We raided the room and got popcorn. With its occupant, whom none of us knew, we talked about hunting guns. We then returned to my room.

Al was taking a shower. We swiped his clothes, and I got my flash camera. He came out clad in a shower curtain which Ray and Tom removed. I got some photos. We thought everything had quieted down. But Al, waiting his moment, jumped me for the camera. There was a free-for-all in which he managed to expose the film, making it useless for future blackmail.

It had been an interesting evening. I enjoyed, it for it meant I had arrived. No one in Niles would have dared to pants me and toss me in a shower. I was very happy.

Another event began, once more, when I was studying in my room. I smelled a strong, sweet odor. A few minutes later I heard a hiss at the ventilator in my door to the hallway. Putting two and two together, I investigated. I went into Al’s room across the hall. He attacked with a spray room-deodorant. I made a hasty retreat to my room and locked the door, after stepping on Al’s foot to force him to withdraw it from the doorway. Then armed with a spray-type shaving lather, I attacked Al. A battle ensued in the corridor. Another resident in our hall opened his own door. Al and I rolled into his room. As Al sprayed deodorant into my face, I covered him with lather. The resident living where our battle was occurring separated us, but not before I had broken the rims to my glasses. And so ended another incident in the Camerino-Kennedy struggle. Looking like a latter-day Harry Potter was acceptable – another indication that I had now become a regular guy and not merely an academic wizard.

Spring Events for Having Fun

Student Council Election: In the beginning of May of my Sophomore year, I was elected to the Kent State Student Council as a Junior class representative for the next academic year. I’d been so involved in pledging and fraternity events I almost forgot about this campus-wide activity. In my freshman year I had run as an Independent with the expectation of some backing from Stopher and Johnson halls, the men’s dormitories. I had not been elected.

It was debatable just how much interest KSU students really took in the elections or actions of their Student Council. The majority of voters came from the members of fraternities and sororities who actively participated in the social life of the campus. The other students, the commuters, were more involved, for good reason, with the jobs they held in order to get the funds to attend the university. Student government in the Fifties focused on the somewhat trivial concerns of student lives; student “activism” had to wait for the next decade.

This spring quarter I ran on the “New K” ticket. There was another ticket comprised of candidates from a different set of campus organizations, as well as the “Independents” of which I had once been a part. But this race was different. I even had a conventional poster. Thirty-three percent of the Student Body voted – the largest ever. And somehow, I managed to get the third highest number of votes of anyone seated. Joe Franco, a DU Active, was elected President of this governmental body for the forthcoming year.

There was little time for anything to be accomplished in the few remaining weeks of the current year. There was a picnic-workshop at Hudson Springs, a private watering site near Kent. My journal says there was a wiener roast and that I was glad that I went. It was both fun and instructive.

Campus Day: The major social event of the spring quarter was Campus Day. On Saturday there would be the usual parade of floats constructed by fraternities, sororities and other student organizations. Each float consisted of chicken-wire frames with colored crape paper stuffed in the holes. The results would never rival the flower-endowed efforts of the Rose Parade, but this method was the best you could expect for a state university. The floats were towed by convertibles carrying waving coeds.

At two o’clock on Friday, I had gone to the DU House to work on its float. For the next several hours I had the pleasure of poking crape paper into chicken wire or hauling trash to the dump, until Mark Anthony, the assistant head resident from Stopher Hall telephoned to say I was an hour late for my work at the front desk at the dorm. I rushed home for my scheduled employment but was able to return to the House that evening to listen to the songfest practice led by Jack Gordon, my roommate and now DU brother, for their group-rendition of “Climbing up the Mountain.”

By three in the morning, we were back stuffing crape paper. Some of us were assigned the task of inserting real flowers into the structure. By six o’clock, with the morning sun coming up, the float looked quite attractive. However, I was about frozen and wondered how a night in May could be quite that cold. One of the brothers drove me back to the dorm for a hot shower. I had to change into tux pants and shirt for the “K-Ceremony” later in the morning.

The K-Ceremony had been introduced many years ago by Kappa Mu Kappa, the local fraternity which later became affiliated with Delta Upsilon. The DU’s continued to repaint the large “K” located on the front campus of the university. A ceremonial last brush of white paint was added by the K-Girl, who was “pinned” or “engaged” to one of the brothers and had been actively involved in our events. At ten in the morning, the entire brotherhood marched from the House to the K; they, of course, sung along the way and serenaded the K-girl at the ceremony, itself.

After the K-Ceremony, I went to the staging area to take colored photos of the floats. When I got around to ours, it was terrible. The sun had wilted most of the flowers. Without the mini-vases of the Rose Parade, it made sense for us to use crape paper! The theme for this year’s parade had been an International one. Our float consisted of a large globe and three brothers representing the three major racial groups as “One Brotherhood.” One of the DU brothers, a swimmer, was the Caucasian; two others had been covered with brown or yellow body-paint, since, at the time, we had no actual nonwhite members. (But then, again, no other fraternity did either.) The body-paint had protected the skin for two of the brothers; the swimmer, was developing a beautiful sunburn.

Finally, about 12:30 p.m. the judges came to do their job. I went to the House to eat and to watch the Parade from our front porch – an excellent view. Afterwards, I returned to the dorm for a well-deserved nap before Songfest. But I slept right through it. It’s a good thing I didn’t have a date for the evening dance. ΑΤO took first place in the floats; DU was third in Songfest. Fortunately, the brotherhood did not need to come in first in order to have fun.

Rowboat Regatta: The following Saturday, at the end of May, was “Rowboat Regatta” – the day when Kent migrated to Hudson Springs and imitated the Ivy League Schools. The races in rowboats were primarily run by “Greeks,” i.e. members of fraternities and sororities. Since I now knew a lot of the participants, I enjoyed watching the events more this year than last.

However, the pleasure of a day in the sun, was marred somewhat. Arch McDonnell and Jerry Lange, two of our basketball players, rowed for DU. Because of a break in his arm, Arch had been wearing a cast and should not have been rowing. Of course, he hurt himself. Not only had he gashed the thumb of his good hand and broken the skin of the other, he also had twisted his muscle under the cast. The pain was great, and he had to lie down. I sat with the darn fool and tried to convince him his losing the race didn’t matter. He was an intelligent young man, but awfully stubborn, as any other athlete tended to be.

Sigma Nu won the race for two-manned rowboats (only the Ivies used sculls). Alpha Tau Omega won the tug-of-war (held with a huge mud-puddle separating the opposing sides.) It was easy to identify the losers for the rest of the Regatta.

Fraternity Formal: On a personal basis, the major social event of the spring quarter was my first fraternity formal. I previously mentioned driving with Dick Laird into Akron to rent a tux for the event. Several days later we had to repeat the trip. Our tuxedos were to have been delivered to a local site but never arrived. So we went into Akron to the source. While I was there, I bought a fancy cummerbund set, something I would never have thought about buying in my earlier life.

Another surprise had also occurred that spring of my new life in college. I had asked Diane Lapolla, whom I’d known since the seventh grade, to be my date for the formal. There were years when I would never have considered such a request and that a positive response could be possible.

We arrived at Sleepy Hollow Country Club a little late, but it really didn’t matter. After the dinner two of the brothers received fraternity rings for their outstanding contributions to the brotherhood. Diane and I didn’t do badly on the dance floor, even in our jitterbug. And we talked on the side porches, which every country club has. I had fun. I think she did too. On the other hand, I knew Dee too well to make out with her on the drive back to Kent. I don’t think we dated again during our years at KSU. She later married Bob Billig, her high-school sweetheart, who had attended another university. All four of us met at several McKinley Reunions in the decades afterwards.

KSU Quiz Bowl: The last college event for the quarter was the WKSU Quiz, a local “college bowl” competition on the university radio station. Joe Fanko, Earl McNeilly and I had been on the team representing DU for the entire quarter. We had won each match and came up against the Vet’s Club for the final three meets of the year. We won the first, lost the second and decisively (210 to 55) won the third and the trophy for the year. The second and third rounds had been taped on the same evening, but the third, or final, contest would not be aired until a later date. Originally, Joe didn’t want us to tell the brothers, but finally decided to, since our next meeting, the last one for the year, would be held before WKSU broadcasted the quiz.

Being part of this contest had been an exciting effort for the three of us. Joe was a political science major and held his own on current events, Earl was our historian (US and world) and I had been expected to cover the sciences. We were on the team for the next two years, as well, and, having won each of the three years, “retired” the trophy before we graduated. The year after I graduated, Karen was on the team for Alpha Chi Omega; they won that year!

Year-end Fraternity Meeting: The final fraternity meeting for the academic year was an ordinary one, other than the announcement that we had won the WKS quiz trophy. “Truth Session,” which ended each meeting as usual (and was the time for each brother to speak his mind without any retort being returned) had many fond well-wishes, especially for all who were graduating. And so for the last time, for three months, we formed the Circle. “Hail Delta Upsilon” never sounded better. I was, indeed, looking forward to two great years.

End of My Sophomore Year: Thursday, June 9, was the last day of classes for the school year 1954-55, the end of my second year of college life at KS. It was indeed a day to remember – in that it was ordinary, well almost ordinary. The year of which it marked the end was far from ordinary. I had never enjoyed life so much as I had this quarter.

As I entered into my journal the lines for the last hours of the day, I speculated that the grades for this quarter might be the lowest in my time at Kent and that I might even lose my scholarship. Yet, I felt strangely content and complacent. At the time, I thought, perhaps, it just hasn’t hit me yet. Or perhaps, the 7-7’s I had consumed earlier in the evening had mellowed me. I was sure I had failed my calculus final that morning and would probably get a C in the course. It was by far the roughest exam I’ve ever had! As it turned out, my first C had to wait until the third quarter of my senior year.

My fraternity pin came in the mail that morning. I thought it looked mighty good. I had stopped at the House in the afternoon for a party and had gone downtown for the evening. Now, in those final lines I wrote: “I’ll miss all this these next three months, but the memories will keep me. I doubt if I’ll ever have a blue mood this summer. I say that now. But that bridge on Robbins Avenue will probably look as tempting as always for a suicide when walking back from the Grill and my contemporaries in Niles.”

My 20th Birthday

On the evening before my 20th birthday, I went to the Studio Theater on campus to see Carl Oglesby’s “None Can Tell a Man.” It was a one-act play he had written, directed and starred in. It was highly dramatic. I enjoyed it. Since I’m no critic, I shouldn’t say, but, for me, the play was somewhat repetitious in parts and the change in character was too rapid, but perhaps that was necessary in a one act. Anyway, Carl’s atheism stuck out all over it.

This morning I had received a birthday package from my mom. It contained a cigarette lighter, a lavender shirt, striped tie, matching socks, a pink, knit tee-shirt, a yellow one, and a yellow, blue and white bathrobe. I liked all of them very much. But I had to admit I was most surprised by the cigarette lighter. On my rare trips to Niles, I had avoided smoking around the house, not realizing at the time that exhaled smoke is never really hidden.

On Wednesday, May 25, my journal had the following entry: “Once again I wish myself a happy birthday. For once I do it without any sarcasm. This has been a good year – the best year. In fact this nineteenth year has been worth the previous eighteen. There is not one thing I would change. I would be willing to relive it, exactly the same. For once I consider myself lucky and happy. This doesn’t sound at all like me, I know. But what more can I want? I’ve found the happiness I desired for so long. I believe I am well-known and well-liked. I am a member of Delta Upsilon at last. I’ve had dates. I’ve lost some weight. I don’t look half bad; perhaps I’ve developed the possibilities of real friendships with Ken Kalish, Mike McNally, and Dave Imrie. I have decent grades and a political position. True, I don’t have a car, but that is purely a physical want that can be remedied in the future. Yes, I’m happy. My hope was rewarded. Suicide is far from my mind now. I have greater hopes for the twentieth year. I think they too will be fulfilled. I say truly: This is a Happy Birthday!”

Yes, I once believed I would never have been able to pen such positive thoughts. And I’m pleased that I did write them down. There are times I have had thoughts of a hopeless life. In retrospect, with this legacy of words, I’ve come to realize there were elements from my childhood and teen years that are worth recalling within a positive light. Those days at Kent State were well beyond what I could have envisioned previously. There were times, in the first seventeen years, when I would walk over the bridge from where I lived on Seneca Street to downtown Niles (a bridge that later was across the street from where my parents lived!) and felt depressed enough to wonder what it would be like to lean over the metal railing and jump. I had not. Even in days of deep depression I had hopes that the future would, indeed, be different. At Kent State I had found that my life really could be different.

Although I cannot recall anything about Carl’s play that I had seen on the eve of my birthday, I am fascinated by the possibilities held in that title: “None Can Tell a Man.” What are the characteristics by which one can tell, recognize, who or what a “man” really is – or will become? Can anyone tell, inform, a man about his future? Is it true no one can indicate to any other what life has been or will be? We are told by gamblers and con-artists that each man has individual “tells” – behaviors which give us away to those who are gifted to interpret these tells, these actions. I also recall words that Carl once addressed to me directly, when we were college friends and roommates. He said: “With very little difficulty I could take your behavior and write a story in which you are the main villain.” I’m pleased he never wrote it; I hope that I have not, either.

A Covered Desk

The original entry, given below, was manually written in the journal I kept, from time to time, while I was in college, in the late fifties. The “endnotes” were added in 2018 when I began to write my “legacy in words.” A few additions have been made in January 2023 as I revised my biog: CameosAndCarousels.

I have covered just about all of my memories of the earliest years (2) until 1955. And now it is July 3. School has been out for three weeks, yet it seems as if I have been home an eternity.

I sit here now writing, since there is nothing else to do. I am at my desk in my room. It is an interesting desk (3), scratched and dusty. It is quite littered. In the upper left corner is a box of change, but the change is scattered on the desk. On the box is a copy of Wylie’s Generation of Vipers (4) with the dust cover marking chapter thirteen. On the book is a list of offerings of the Modern Library (5). On it is an empty case for my electric razor.

Next on the desk is a white plastic comb, a ruler with English and metric units, an opened package of Clorets (6), a brochure for King’s Men toiletries, a paper with telephone numbers, a handkerchief, a copy of Fantasy and Science Fiction (7) and on it my Bond wristwatch reading 7:22.

There is a wine-covered photograph album (8) with the DU crest, my tee-shirt from WOP-Harp (9) on it and on that, a memo book. The center of the desk has a green blotter-holder. Tucked into one corner is a postcard from Mrs. Zingler declining my room (10) for next fall and a paper critique of The Main Stream of Mathematics.

There is also a scarred, dull-green box index of my books, a bottle of Skrip blue-black ink (11), a listing of the summer addresses of members of Student Council, the cover to my razor (12), twenty-eight cents in change, a movie ticket stub, my wallet, an ashtray (13), a half pack of Pall Mall cigarettes (14), a tarnished gold lighter with my initials (15), two packs of color photographs, a letter from Marilyn Dodge (16), the front of a pocket to a tee-shirt (17), the dust cover to W. Somerset Maugham, Himself (18), a beginning German text, a hanger for pants, a goose-neck lamp, a box of pictures, a pair of old glasses, a pair of scissors, a German edition of Anderson’s Fairy Tales (19) and a pack of keys.

I am not an orderly housekeeper. The interior of the desk would be even more revealing to say nothing of the bookcases and cupboards (20). I think I had best stop now (21). Perhaps, I will go watch television.

(1).  With annotations made 63 years later, almost to the day! The lines of the original journal were written on July 3, 1955; the entries for the footnotes are made on July 11, 2018. They have been modified, again, on January 5, 2023.

(2)   The actual date was July 3, but the entry was made on the page for June 17. I couldn’t sleep and, in the middle of the night, in a hot, humid bedroom, several weeks after I had completed my Sophomore year at KSU, I wrote about my childhood and high school memories. The recollections became, in significant part, the memoirs I’ve written over the period 2018 - 2023.

(3)   The desk in my bedroom was not all that old; I’m not sure how it had become so scratched. I received it as an unusual birthday gift when I was in high school; it remained as part of the family furniture until my parents died and it was given away to someone, unknown.

(4)   This was one of my favorite nonfiction books at the time. It was a critique of American culture and authority in the forties; it was part of my library for many years. It may still be worth a re-reading.

(5)   I once hoped to read most, if not all, of the books published by the “Library.” I never did, but I made a good start.

(6)   This was a breath freshener I used to counteract the smoking-foul-month remains.

(7)   This was one of the magazines I read, dating back to my early days of sci-fi in junior high.

(8)   The cover was “wine colored.” It was not stained with wine, itself. For many years this album held all of the photos I took while at Kent. They are now saved as jpegs on my computer!

(9)   The shirt was a left over from the DU annual picnic described elsewhere. It bore the inscription Round WOP and the imprint of a black hand, both of which lake-water had blurred when I was dunked by willing fraternity brothers. 

(10)   I had planned to live off-campus during my junior year. For some forgotten reason, the rooming house I had chosen became unavailable. I went back to Kent that summer to find another place.  Most vacancies had already been taken, except for a room in the basement of a local funeral parlor! I accepted it, but quickly recognized, when I had returned to Niles, that, at night, I could never walk through the rooms where the caskets were stored, even if my own room was better furnished than any other I had found in Kent. I decided to reside in the DU House for the Fall quarter.

(11)  Real fountain pens were commonly used for writing. The ink was sucked into the barrel of the pen. It was later that ink-filled cartridges were used as being less messy. Meanwhile, a tissue was used to blot the leftover ink on the nib.  Blotters were used to absorb excess ink left on the written page; blowing on the work or waving the paper also helped. Ballpoint pens were a great (much later) invention.

(12)  I have no idea why there was a razor box and a razor “cover” on my desk! The electric razor, itself, must have been in the bathroom! I, also, have no idea why the twenty-eight cents on the desk along with an unused change box were separate. I was, indeed, messy (unorganized) when it came to desk maintenance.  Apparently, I, also, like to stack items on top of one another!

(13)   Evidently, I had started smoking in my room, itself. When I first started smoking in the house, I sat next to the opened window in my room and tried to exhale “outdoors.” Having finally quit smoking, some twenty-plus years ago, I now realize how terrible a room smells with leftover smoke which cannot be eliminated, easily.  

(14)  I began smoking Pall Mall and later switched to filtered Kent cigarettes, not because of the name but rather because the Kents were milder. Somehow, I managed to smoke without deeply inhaling.  I began smoking my freshman year in college (1953-54) and stopped the habit in 2000! By then, I was up to three packs a day.

(15)  This was the lighter I received from my mother on my 20th birthday. I’m surprised it was already so tarnished. I have no idea whatever became of it.

(16)  I dated Marilyn several times during the spring quarter; she went with me to Rowboat Regatta. It appears she wanted to continue our dating, given the letter sent in July, but I don’t associate her with my dates during my junior year.

(17)   I have absolutely no idea of where this came from or why I would have the front pocket of a T-shirt as a souvenir.

(18)  W. Somerset Maugham was never one of my favorite authors. I have no idea why I had the dust cover without having the book, itself!

(19)  I must have been interested in improving my proficiency in German during the summer.

(20)  This is still true. The surface of my desk, desk-drawers, and bookcases continue to house miscellaneous collections. My separate computer desk, with accessories for multimedia productions, is no better; it may be even worse. I do little actual work sitting at my current writing desk purchased in the mid-seventies when we lived in Amherst, Massachusetts. On the other hand, I really do know where “everything” is – or should be. Sometimes, the search takes a little bit longer now than it once did.  I’m not sure if this comes from memory changes or from having the same study for more than a decade and being reluctant to throw too much away.

(21)  This was true in 1955 when the words were originally penned. It is equally true at 5:30 a.m. in 2018.  By the way, for clarity I should add that sometime in the eighties I transcribed my original ink-written journals to an electronic form and discarded the actual books. The only changes made at the time resulted from the spell-check of the WordPerfect program; I never could spell effectively. 

Summer, when the Living is Easy

The summer began in its usual plodding manner. That was the reason I went back to Kent for the second half of the summer. I enjoyed staying in one of the second floor rooms in the DU house. Only a handful of brothers had come back for any sessions. I was fortunate two of them were Gindy and Laird, since I had a chance to know them better than I had during the past year. A third returning brother was Tony Vinceguerra, with whom my relationship was paradoxical. We had been in the same pledge class and never got along; I was constantly his put-down kid. He was only a year older, but he had been in the Marines before coming to Kent. It showed.

I spent a lot of time with Lucy Fell, my “big sister,” who had been pinned to Dick Owen, my “big brother” during my pledge-period. We drank many a Seven-Seven (Seagram Seven and Seven-Up) during hot summer evenings. We did not really “date” but we spent a lot of time just talking. I had decided that she was the kind of woman I would like to date – maybe even marry someday: intelligent, great conversationalist, good looking and had progressive attitudes I found to be compatible. I did meet Joan Born that summer; we “sort-of dated.” I don’t remember going out much in the evening, but we spent hours in the Captain Brady coffee shop each afternoon. I had plenty of free time – taking only three classes, one in education and another in adolescent psychology. I also learned to swim that summer, an athletic accomplishment I never thought I would obtain, although, I admit, learning to float without drowning was better than my attempts at getting across the pool, which I did, finally.

There wasn’t too much to do around the House, except play cards during the afternoons on the front porch, which received an occasional breeze. Back then, very little was air conditioned. Ceiling fans made places like the Capt Brady somewhat bearable. There were occasional movies in Akron; the local theater had little to offer with a minimal number of students in town.

I did not look forward to returning to Niles at the end of the summer session, but there would be only two weeks for me to endure it.

The only interesting event I had in Niles was when I went to observe classes at Niles McKinley for a day. This was to be the last year in which high school classes would be held there. A new building was to open next September and my old one would become another junior high school. I found Mr. Moritz’s first period biology class to be the usual disaster zone. The students were to observe an onion cell and green algae cells under a “bioscope” – not a real microscope but an early kind of movie film viewed individually in a box. I saw a situation I hoped not to experience in my own teaching future: a class in which no one paid any attention to a teacher who threatened but with no follow-up. Mr. Lamb’s physics class, in which his students were actually learning how to measure small items with micrometers and vernier calipers, was quiet and productive. I tried to determine whether the difference between the classes was because of the teachers, or the conditions associated with a required, freshman class versus an elective, senior one. It was more fun to observe Miss Campana’ s history class and remember how to translate Latin with “Birdie” Evans.

The most disturbing observations came during lunch at the downtown diner where I ate with four teachers I did not know well. The conversation, which avoided any references to classes or students, was acceptable enough. However, I was not thrilled with the observation that three of them consumed soup and hotdogs, while the physical education instructor-assistant coach, attired in a sharp sports jacket, greatly enjoyed his steak dinner. I wondered if, perhaps, I should become a coach instead of a chemistry teacher and how do jock straps compare with test tubes. But then I remembered that summer swimming class, the only HPE class I’d ever really conquered, and knew I had to stay with test tubes.

Fall Quarter – Junior Year Begins

Uncle Bill Moransky, my favorite uncle, brought me back to Kent for the fall session of my Junior year. I enjoyed introducing him to those DU brothers who had also returned early. He and I were surprised when he finally realized that this was the Kappa Mu Kappa fraternity he had pledged when he went to Kent Normal for a year of college, some twenty years ago.

I shoved my stuff in one of the metal lockers in the common room; the storage space was much smaller than the one I had this summer when I had shared a quad. This school year I would sleep in the attic dormitory with at least a dozen other brothers. I managed to acquire the bed Dick Owen, my Big Brother, had used last year; it was in a corner, near the landing and would be relatively quiet, I hoped. Later I learned it was possible to sleep with a dozen snoring college guys surrounding you.

Once again, I led a group of Freshmen during their orientation week. It was fun showing them around the campus and getting them registered into classes. I did meet a new freshman, Joy Smith, whose behavior and attitude puzzled me. I wasn’t sure if she was insane or a nymphomaniac. We did date for a short time, and I learned she was merely insane. There was, however, a significant change in Frosh-week events: “dinks” (those silly yellow and blue caps) were no longer allowed and any semblance of “hazing,” no matter how mild, was a thing of the past.

Another major change was the appearance of the Captain Brady which had been redone during the short weeks between the end of summer session and the beginning of fall classes. It once had a warm, collegiate atmosphere with its worn, brown, wood booths with their scarred red tabletops. The dark environment was as traditional as Prentice Gage on the corner across the street from the Brady. The balcony walls were now a light brown and gray; the booths were chartreuse and tangerine. The tabletops were light blue. Some of my fraternity brothers said it looked like a setting for a Theta Chi Pork Barrel skit. Bob Oana, the President of ΘΧ, responded with the comment: “Wait ‘till the DU’s turn on their black light.” However, in a few months the new Brady was accepted as readily as had been the old one; it was, once more, the coffee shop for all of the Greeks at Kent. A year later, the Brady became the site where Karen and I met and the home for our major memories of college life together.

Having been a Freshman orientation leader, I had the chance to register early for an almost perfect schedule to begin my junior year. At 8:00 a.m. I had Quantitative (Chemical) Analysis followed by Hub time on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 9:00 a.m. Then I had an advanced Education class at ten o’clock. Organic Chemistry completed the morning. Lunch at the House occurred at noon; more Hub-time followed at 1:00 p.m.; Scientific German at 2:00 p.m. Hub-sitting time resumed at three o’clock or I could use the hour for afternoon meetings or for study time in one of the campus libraries before returning to the House for dinner and nighttime textbook reading.

A major social event that fall was the DU “Prison Party.” The cellar walls had been hung with bed sheets outfitted with crape-paper bars. Mattresses from the attic dorm adorned the floors. Our dates were picked up in a patrol wagon, after being encased in sweatshirt straight-jackets.

Another social event, albeit on a different level, was the tea party for our new House Mother, Mrs. Brewer, that was held formally in the Student Union on campus – with real tea and fancy munchies. She replaced Mrs. Young who had been the DU House Mother for seven years. The role of a fraternity House Mother was to ensure that young men had a female model in their midst, one who encouraged appropriate manners, etiquette, behavior and speech. She resided in a private room with bath adjoining our Chapter Room. This location was an attempt to keep card playing in the Chapter Room under a somewhat controlled environment. The only problems occurred on those evenings when Mrs. Brewer was thought to have gone out for the evening but remained in her room, perhaps with a headache which became worse because we did not realize she was actually there when we reverted to being college guys. We’d hear about it the next evening when she joined the brotherhood for dinner and renewed control of table manners.

Tony Vinciguerra

When did my relationship with Tony Vinciguerra begin? Probably the day we jointly pledged DU. That’s when we first met. However, I really did not get to know him very well. He was difficult to know. He had not participated in many of our pledge-class activities. He was a year older than I was, but the interval seemed much wider. He had served as a Marine and was probably stationed in Korea. He certainly thought that our college-oriented behavior was too childish for him. No doubt it was, if he had served in Korea. (Several other brothers had also been there, but they preferred to leave memories behind them as much as they could.)

During our pledging, Tony had expressed some annoyance with me, especially on our hunt for the Smith’s Corners cemetery. He declined to participate in any of the fraternal-building-events of pledging, primarily on the grounds that he had a sensitive stomach and would not be able to endure some of the actions he had heard about.

Our relationship had not improved during the previous summer when we lived together in the House while taking extra classes. We were both “loners” in our own, individual Italianesque ways. Our interaction became even more strained in early October of my junior year. The cause was a fight he had with Dick Owen, my big brother who had come back to Kent for a visit after his graduation.

Dick was trying to sleep on the couch on the first floor of the House. Tony, while working on something in the cellar, was listening to records. Dick went down and lowered the volume. Tony turned it up. Dick lowered it. Tony said Dick was drunk. Dick laughed at him. Tony attacked Dick and would have really beat him up, given their difference in size and strength, if one of the other brothers had not intervened. The current pledges were in the cellar with them and saw everything that happened. They became very disturbed and were about ready to de-pledge, for they wanted no part of a fraternity which demonstrated this kind of “brotherhood.” No doubt the incident would be discussed at the Chapter meeting to be held the following week. It did not occur.

Three days after Tony’s fight with Dick, Vinciguerra was hurt in an inter-fraternity football game against SAE. He had been hit hard during the game. He left the field and drove back to the House, parking on the lawn. He stumbled into the foyer where I was talking with a visitor. Tony looked green and white at the same time. He went into the Chapter Room and laid down on the couch. I asked him what was wrong. He only groaned. I called the Health Center and Tinker’s ambulance service. Tinker arrived first. They took Tony, who was screaming for his Mother and for St Mary, to the Health Center and then to the nearest hospital in Ravenna. The brothers weren’t sure if he was really hurt or not, since he had acted in a similar way when he wanted to escape a pledge event he didn’t like. At the time, I wrote in my journal: “You can never tell about Tony. He appears to be as strong as a young bull but is more fragile than a Spring flower.”

My entry for the following day, Friday, October 14, states: “They removed Tony’s kidney last night! Evidently he will be OK. When he comes back, there will probably be no mention of his attack on Owen. You never question the act of a martyr.”

The next morning, I left with two other brothers to drive to Ohio University for the weekend for their homecoming game with Kent State. The visit to the DU House in Athens was pleasant enough, but we left early on Sunday to return to Kent. My journal entry written that evening, Sunday, October 16, states: “Upon getting home we learned that Tony had been taken to Akron Hospital and was in critical condition. The doctors believe he had only one kidney and they removed it, thinking that he had another. A person can live on 1/4 of one kidney. He can’t live without any.”

My diary entry for Monday states: “After [Chapter] meeting tonight we said prayers for Tony. I guess that’s what a fraternity really means – brotherhood. Last week we were angry at Tony. Tonight, we pray for him. The pledges have no intention now of de-pledging. Life is strange. You can never tell what’s going to happen tomorrow. I suppose everyone realizes that sooner or later. But when the revelation comes, it is a shock.”

Meanwhile, college life went on. There were further notations in my journal about those who accepted bids to join the House. At Student Council I was appointed Parliamentarian for the body, when one of the other members resigned the position. Our Homecoming events were held. Our front yard display was supposed to have looked like a blue football; it didn’t; we called it “the blue abortion.” Martha Heinselman, a chemistry major, went with me to the Homecoming dance. At the time, I viewed her as a college version of Martha Smith from high school and had hopes that our relationship might blossom better than that with the first Martha. She agreed to go with me to the forthcoming Pumpkin Prom. Meanwhile, I took Lucy Fell to see a college play, “By the Skin of Our Teeth” which we both enjoyed. I would have enjoyed the evening even more if she weren’t pinned/engaged to Dick Owen. The Fall elections for Student Council were held; several fraternity brothers were elected. My term continued for the remainder of the academic year.

The routine, tranquil life of a college junior did not continue. My journal entry for Wednesday, October 26, 1955, read: “Anthony Vinciguerra died at Akron City Hospital at 3:35 a.m. Tony, the strong bull and the fragile flower. The young Adonis of the fair hair and sandy-splotch eyebrows – his fair skin still showing the tan of the summer’s beach and youth’s mad life. The fellow who liked to sleep in the nude and show off his manly form in contrast to others. Tony with an Italian donkey’s stubbornness, who was always right and could never be proven wrong. The boy who wanted more passion in his love and felt cheated, insulted, if it were not given. The lad who was disliked for his arrogance and revered for his industry. The man of passion and fervor in all his acts, whether of anger, love, or religious zeal. He’ll be mourned by some and soon forgotten. He, too, was a mortal, imperfect in his structure – the part over which he had no control. The supple young bull crushed by the flower. He who conquers by war is conquered by himself!”

The entry for Thursday read: “This evening Dan and I and several of the brothers went into Akron to view Tony’s body. But it wasn’t Tony. His blond hair was white and old. His skin was pale wax. As I knelt there at his bier, I didn’t see Tony; I saw my father. Maybe that’s why I never liked Tony; he was my father twenty years younger. Tony and I had never been friends, and now I could not mourn for him. I told Dan all this and he probably thinks I’m crazy. But, nevertheless. There it is. I saw my father dead tonight. And I did not mourn.”

My reflection for Friday concluded: “The brothers rose early today. About 95% made the journey into Akron to Tony’s funeral. The crowd was large; the procession of cars was long. In a Hollywood setting we marched before the casket and into the church. The funeral Mass was chanted. A fanatic shouting, high-squeaking priest delivered the sermon on “Why?” The setting was paradoxical, the events an antithesis. But we sat and stood and marched and waited as the coffin of the young bull was carried home.”

I began this memory with a question about when did my relationship with Tony begin? The question of when did it end has a more complex response. My relationship with him has really not ended.

In the months – and years – which followed his sudden death, I continued to think about him and to pray for him. At every Mass I attended for the next decade, I prayed for him when intentions were made for the repose of the soul of the deceased. The names of others were added and subtracted over the years, but Tony’s has been recalled even sixty years later. Thoughts and prayers about him have occurred more often than they have for almost anyone else I have known.

The only other person is probably my cousin, RoseMary, who was as beloved as any sister might have been. It’s strange thinking about the two of them in tandem. My affection, my love, for them has existed on opposite ends of the continuum of life. With RoseMary this is a result of what a relationship really is or was; with Tony it is what a relationship might have been.

I still have not really mourned the death of my father. Perhaps, I mourn Tony as a substitute, as a man I could never truly understand, but one I felt I should have known better.

What becomes of Vinciguerra, “The One who Conquers in Warfare?” Will I ever know? Perhaps, this will occur when “I have no more questions.”

The Macedonians

Back in the mid-1950’s, campus politics had its trivial, fun-filled moments. Now college campuses seem to have more relevant topics to debate and act upon. Or maybe not. I find it strange that a current class syllabus must be annotated to indicate topics which must have a “trigger warning,” i.e., an indication that the class discussion may have ideas with which certain students might disagree, and, thus, can omit attending, because they may be offended by the instructor and by the information presented. There are also, now-a-days, “free speech zones” which are set aside for protests and conflicting testimonies. Students can no longer discuss political, social, or cultural topics except in these predetermine public areas. It’s possible that my involvement in the Macedonian Club proposal was a very early example of what has developed in the twenty-first century on college campuses, albeit on a much more trivial level.

In November 1955, a group of nine – or maybe fourteen – men wanted to establish a new club at Kent State, to be called the Macedonians. For the club to be able to meet on campus or use university resources, it had to be “recognized” (approved) by the Student Council. At the time, as Parliamentarian for the SC, I was part of the review process. I found their “constitution” to be “wanting” – literally, I could not get the SC to give me a copy to read, let alone accept.

The group’s leader, known officially as “Big Brother,” finally agreed to meet with the Council and offer information about its intended purposes. “1. To promote appreciation of the modern arts. 2. To criticize each other’s work. 3. As a social outlet.” and, as presented at the Council meeting: “4. To improve the ‘humdrum existence’ on campus.” The group, under its current Big Brother, had been organized the previous year with nine students and five non-students as honorary members, a condition not to the Council’s liking. The same student continued to act as Big Brother beyond the period given in one version of their constitution, an action the Council also did not like. Finally, the group accepted a replacement for Big Brother, Carl Oglesby, my former roommate. With Carl, another purpose for the group was now articulated: “Bear baiting, boar hunting and falconry.”

It became clear that the group was being formed, mainly, to bait the current “Greek” social system on campus. After all, the original Macedonians wanted to overpower the Greeks in ancient history, even though their leader, Alexander the Great, began the Hellenization of the Western world. Carl and his modern Bohemian friends were enjoying their current parody. Actually, I did, too.

The group was finally approved by the Student Council, once “bear baiting, boar hunting and falconry” were omitted from its constitutional purposes. These would have to wait until Creative Anachronism came along ten years later.

The KSU Macedonians never did coalesce into a formal group, but it did exist for a few weeks as an item in the Daily Kent Stater, the campus newspaper. Nevertheless, the guys continued to be acknowledged as the literati of the campus. I enjoyed having them as personal friends from time to time.

Other than Ogelsby, none of them remained in vogue artistically. As one of the founders of the Students for a Democratic Society, he became part of the movement which actually led to the days of student activism and liberalism of the 1960s and the counter movements of conservative students of today. Alexander the Great probably had no idea, either, of what results would come from his own Macedonians.

Rebellion

The current pledge class was much more creative when it came to rebellion and retaliation than mine had been during the previous academic year. Perhaps it was an indication that times were changing. Dinks and Freshman hazing had been eliminated; now pledges thought it would be fun to do to the Actives what had been done to them.

The Rebellion of the Pledges took place on the Wednesday before everyone was scheduled to leave for the Thanksgiving Long-Weekend. About 5:30 a.m., I heard someone run up the stairs to the attic dormitory. The pounding woke me in time for me to see the flash and hear the explosion of a starter gun behind our closed door. The culprit dashed down the steps. Several brothers and I jumped up to investigate but did not get very far.

The pledges had removed the handle to the door, and we couldn’t open it. The hinges with their removable pins were on the other side. One of the Actives climbed though the dorm window onto an outside porch and re-entered through a side door into the common room on the second floor. He quickly removed the hinges. We had escaped the dorm, but we couldn’t get down the second story corridor, for it was now blocked by our lockers which the pledges had manhandled into new positions. We soon discovered that the doors to the three, shared bedrooms on the second floor had been tied together; the brothers sleeping there had been imprisoned as much as we had been in the attic.

We soon discovered that the electricity and water had been turned off. The toilet seats were coated with green goop of an unknown composition. When we managed to descend to the first floor, we learned that they had inverted the front door, leaving a foot-high empty space at the bottom. Needless to say, no pledge showed up for any details for the rest of the day. Most of us would be leaving for our hometowns after the last class of the day. However, someone did fix the front door so it could be bolted over the holiday.

My journal entry for Thursday, November 24 reads: “Everyone went home last night, but I feel that my home is right here in Kent – that’s where I stayed for Thanksgiving. I didn’t give thanks, although here this year I have much to be thankful for. But to whom do you give thanks? In my present state of philosophical flux I can’t give thanks to God. Not really. In conformity, I had a Thanksgiving Dinner at the Robin Hood. I studied for the rest of the day.”

So, yes, there were many forms of “rebellion.” The pledges exhibited theirs in physical, and, ultimately, amusing ways. My own rebellion was more internalized; it lasted throughout my academic time at both Kent State and, later, Cornell.

On the following Wednesday, the Actives provided the pledge-class with its own banquet, which was not quite as enjoyable as any they had experienced the previous Thursday with their families. We almost did not have the event. Mrs. Brewer, our Housemother, had been scheduled to be on an extended Thanksgiving weekend, but we learned, shortly before the pledges were to gather in the basement for their dining displeasure, that she had not felt well and had remained in her first-floor room since Monday. A vote was taken of the individual members living in the House about whether the ordeal for the pledges should be held. Since the majority agreed to continue it, albeit as quietly as possible, the pledges were assembled and weathered their repast well. However, the event was loud enough that Mrs. Brewer voiced her displeasure at the next opportunity she had.

The following weeks passed without any more rebellions. Two weeks later I took the train from Kent into Niles for the Christmas holidays. This year there was no rebellion on the home-front. Perhaps, it was because my parents ignored the holiday, itself. The usual home decorations were omitted. Maybe it had been the smell of pine needles that had provoked my father in previous years. There was no exchange of presents. The usual boring dinner was held “up-the-hill” on Christmas eve. The next night, I did attend a party with my cousins where we played cards most of the evening. The following days passed quickly, and I once more began a new year at Kent – one without any more major rebellions.

Living in Kent

January of 1956, midway during my junior year, began very quietly. The holiday season, in fact, was the first time there had been no family arguments. I might attribute the tranquility to the absence of the fragrance of pine needles. We had not put up the usual tree and had not exchanged any gifts, so “he” had nothing to complain about, and lacking any negative stimulus, peace reigned. I returned to Kent on January 2 in a more pleasant mood than I ever had previously.

The only problem I had was: “where am I going to live?”

Since I was carrying 21 academic hours that quarter, I believed I should not return to the fraternity House, having found it challenging to allocate time for study during the day or evening. Since I had not applied for either of the two on-campus dorms for men, I could not return to them for the remainder of my junior year. Most of the available places were really dumps, or too far from the campus, since I did not have a car or other transportation at hand. However, there was a place across from the training school, the city highschool used primarily as the site for in-depth training of those seeking a degree in the College of Education.

The house had been a large, private home on the top of one of the hills at the edge of campus. Mrs. Ward, the owner, said she was not sure she had a vacancy. But Jerry Jencik, one of my friendly Bohemians, who was an art major, lived there and overheard me talking with her. Jerry said he was supposed to have a scheduled roommate, but he might not show up and I would be welcomed as his replacement. I moved in with Jerry a few days later.

Actually, we were a good “fit.” As an art major he spent the days and evenings in the studios in Verner Hall, the art building. Our joint room provided private space for my own reading most days and early evenings. Our late-night discussions, together or with his friends, were very enjoyable. There were evenings when I wondered if I should continue to seek a degree in chemistry; I enjoyed literature, history and philosophy as much as, if not more than, my hours studying chemical reactions.

There was, however, one interesting “discovery” I made when I first moved into this rental house on East Summit. While transferring into storage some of the stuff left by a guy who had lived there last year, I found a ping-pong trophy which had been stolen from the DU House last year! I returned it to our trophy-case.

There was one other great “find” about living with Jerry, the artist. At the end of the school year, he gave me one of his paintings – an abstract female nude in earth tones of brown and orange. It was one of my favorite possessions and moved with me for many years. I have no recollection of when or where she disappeared, ultimately, from my life; but it was long after I was married and had lived in a variety of places.

Throughout my early academic years, I lived in a lot of diverse rooms and apartments. In my senior year I moved back to an on-campus men’s dormitory. This time it was Johnson Hall, the companion for Stopher where I had lived previously. I held the paid position of a dorm counselor with a private room of expanded size.

My first room when I lived in Ithaca, NY for graduate school was a modest room in a house on Harvard Street in College Town, the area immediately adjacent to the campus of Cornell University. After Karen and I were engaged, I moved to a three-room apartment in Cayuga Heights. We lived there for several months before moving to another basement apartment on West Shore Drive (Taughannock Blvd). Our last location was on Floral Avenue where we lived in two different apartments, again in the basement and then on the second floor. The lady in earth tones hung on the wall in each of them.

New York City Weekend

A lot of collegians went to Ft Lauderdale for Spring Break. The beach could be very enticing in mid-March. I never went. Instead, I journeyed, during my Junior year, with a trainload of Kent Staters for a school-sponsored tour of New York City. I was fascinated thinking about what was to be my first, real vacation. As with many adventures, the trip did not begin without its problems.

On Friday, March 16, 1956, the last day of the quarter, Kent was almost snowed in. I was sure many would find it difficult to get home for the break. After my last class, Laird drove me to the Erie Station to catch the train for the City.

I boarded at 5:30 p.m., after grabbing supper at Rocky’s and my packet of information from Mr. Wright, our KSU tour guide. However, the train didn’t pull out until 6:30 p.m. So, I sat and thought about what I might look forward to during the days ahead of me. My imagination fell short of the reality that came. A fellow by the name of Ed, who was no conversationalist, sat down beside me.

Once the train started, I began exploring. I found it interesting to pass from one swaying coach to another – this was my first, long train-trip. I met several people I knew. Then I joined some high school seniors who were mingled among students from the university. Evidently most college-aged students did, in fact, prefer Ft Lauderdale to time on Broadway. We played cards until about 9:30 p.m. when I went to the dining car for a drink – a Tom Collins is what one of the Kent students prescribed for me. When I returned to car # 5, most of the lights were out, except where I had been sitting. Here, they were singing songs. We sang until about one o’clock.

The seat I had occupied with Ed was now taken by a girl named Jeannie. Even with the seats in a reclined position, she said she couldn’t fall asleep. She claimed she had always slept on her stomach. I obliged by putting my legs across the seat opposite to me and a pillow on my lap. Somehow, she managed to get in a stomach-prone position on top of me. I tried to fall asleep but certain physiological conditions prevented it. Morning came as it had a habit of doing. I tried to wake up with splashes of water from the onboard restroom. It had been an unforgettable night.

We consumed a very bad-tasting breakfast as we crossed New Jersey. For some unknown reason, the train did not arrive at one of New York’s well-known destinations: Penn Station or Grand Central. Instead, we disembarked and transferred to a passenger ferry to the City. My first view was like a cinemascope picture. Maybe this is why we had not remained on the train, to allow us to view the City from across the river. Actually, the scene appeared to be unreal; in fact, my entire time in the City appeared unreal. I later observed this was true of most of New York’s attractions. I had seen all of them before in movies and this looked like just another one, with a camera slightly out of focus; the morning smog had its effect. Then we docked.

We were herded onto sightseeing buses and shown New York. We stopped in China Town and were exposed to the inside of a temple and a mission. The temple was dark and yet its ornate stage altars were bright. The whole effect was too theatrical to have been real.

We later stopped at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine which was magnificent. There was Riverside Drive, Grant’s Tomb, the Hayden Planetarium, Central Park, and all the rest of the tourist sights. We almost got caught in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. I did see the green center line of Fifth Avenue. After all, it was now March 17.

About noon, we were let out at the Hotel Piccadilly. Mine was room 821. But I didn’t take time to rest. I went out to see New York. First there was the necessity of eating. I looked into many fashionable places – including Jack Dempsey’s. At last, I decided on Roth’s.

But how could I explain my thoughts about standing at the corner of 45th and Broadway, at the center of Times Sq. Everything looked so tall and narrow, the buildings tall and the streets narrow. I soon became accustomed to the buildings and, later, hardly noticed their height. I looked forward to returning to Times Sq. by night.

After eating, I decided to try to line up some productions. I checked the time schedule for Cinerama and went to the St. James Theatre where I managed to get a matinee balcony seat for Pajama Game, my first Broadway musical, which, by the way, I discovered was a misnomer. Not a single one of the main, legitimate theaters was on Broadway. They were all on the side streets. Anyway, I liked Pajama Game.

I bought a ticket for Cinerama and went for a walk. I walked up the Avenue of the Americas, “old 6th Avenue,” to the Empire State Building. I passed dozens of small, tacky, tourist shops with merchandise piled in their windows; second-hand bookstores; and newspaper stands with gaudy offerings. The Empire State appeared to be only a few blocks away, but in New York, distance is deceiving. At last, I entered its marble halls. I purchased a ticket and busily chewing gum, popped my way to the Observation Deck. The screens prevented suicides, but this was one time I had no thoughts of suicide. I took the elevator to the top of the tower. The visibility was 25 miles. It’s almost indescribable.

In this place, I was at the highest man-made point on earth. The straight streets below were lines of toy structures. The buildings were too perfect to be real. When I went up, it was still light. But now it was dark. The canyon of Times Sq. was white hot. Yes, now I knew what canyons were. The buildings, which, from below, were so tall, were entirely insignificant now. I could even see the lower tip of the Island and in the other direction, the lake in Central Park.

Before leaving, I purchased a souvenir aerial view of New York City and a cigarette lighter. Then I rushed back to the Hotel to deposit my loot and go to the Warner Theater to see Cinerama Holiday, which, as far as I was concerned, was a flop. But I wouldn’t have known this, if I had not gone. The actuality of the Cinerama process did not live up to its expectations. {Added note: Cinerama was a very-wide screen, two-dimensional movie designed to give a 3-D perspective, because of “peripheral vision.” It didn’t work!}

It was about 11:30 p.m. when I got out, but Times Sq. was packed with people rushing out of theaters and celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. Everyone had a green top hat, a green bonnet, or a green tie over a green shamrocked something or other. It was a mad carnival. The Planters Peanut sign added to the madness as did all the lights of New York. I walked up and down Broadway, 5th Avenue, 6th Avenue, and the side streets which were not well lit. The buildings were large and good concealment for New York’s gangs, which never showed up. I made it back to the Piccadilly and left a call for an early wake-up.

Sunday morning, I went to Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. There were at least 3,000 in attendance, if not more. I was no good at estimating numbers of people; all my old yardsticks were now broken. It was snowing slightly. There had been some snow the night before, but most of it had been shoveled aside. This was only the beginning of the worst blizzard to hit New York City since 1947.

By Sunday evening, it was almost impossible to walk outside. That afternoon the group from Kent went by subway to Greenwich Village where we saw Candle Song in the Circle-in-the-Square, a small theater where you were never more than ten feet from the stage.

Along the way to and from the theater, I was introduced to Greenwich characters: two young men with beards who imitated Mr. Wright, our group leader. He was, indeed, quite a sight to behold and imitate – a man leading a herd of two hundred people along Times Sq. by blowing a whistle and holding his hat in the air. But not many stared. I guess New Yorkers were used to such oddities.

I was also introduced to the city beneath New York – the subway system, which was unique – with its channels and signs and strings of colored lights leading travelers to different areas.

Sunday evening, we went to the Latin Quarter. There I made sure I sat with Carol Mazzatenta, Mr. Wright’s secretary, who was by far the cutest, unattached girl in the tour. The food was good, and the floor show new to me. One young lady went swimming in a champaign glass without benefit of clothing. Most interesting.

Afterwards we went to see What’s My Line? Fred Allen usually appeared on the show, but that morning he had died of a heart attack. Nevertheless, the show went on. When the show was over, we went to a Penny Arcade on Broadway. Since the weather was so bad, small groups of us took cabs back to the Hotel and, thus, were exposed to that unique animal – the NYC cabdriver. Wow!

I was invited to a Texan party but was too worn out to go. At that time, I did not realize that Texans always partied wherever they went and seldom admitted to being “too worn out” to go to another party right now.

New York City – Snowy Shows

On Monday, I was up at 8:00 a.m. and ate a snack in the Piccadilly Coffee Shop. While in the City I suppose, I must have spent at least $5.00 for just coffee and donuts each time I snacked, especially in the Coffee Shop on Times Sq. The food wasn’t that expensive; it was the tips. “To Ensure Promptness” did not actually exist. However, it wasn’t proper to leave without contributing something. I couldn’t figure out why the waiters left about 30¢ in tips on the counter. So, I asked one. He said most of their living was derived from tips and downtown New York was for tourists who didn’t know whether or not to tip. The money showed that they should tip. He also gave me a story of how, in his youth, he had observed his father tipping the grocer. Thus, the practice was established. He had his children tip too, since they knew their father made his money that way. In the coffee shops I observed New Yorkers. I found their accents very amusing. Did everyone come from Brooklyn and the Bronx?

Following breakfast, our group walked through the snow to Radio City. The underground corridors and shops and agencies were a tourist’s Mecca. We were to see a production in the Music Hall about noon. First, I had to grab a bite to eat. I did it the way a rushing New Yorker does – at a stand-up lunch counter. Here I tried to order a goose-liver sandwich like the guy next to me was eating. When the counterman could not understand my request, I had to point, like a foreigner, to my fellow-consumer, for here, goose-liver is liverwurst!

Once we arrived at Radio City Music Hall we were herded into the lounge with its indirect low lights, statues, and admonishment: “no flash pictures, please.” Then into the extra-large hall. I wondered how many it seats it held. Here we saw the movie Picnic and the Rockettes. Now that was precision dancing! Even they use black-light; it was really an extra-large KSU-Pork Barrel production.

In the afternoon we toured the NBC television studios where I saw color television. Upon leaving the studio, I found the Californian Restaurant and took advantage of a postcard meal, one ordered with a postcard. Then I wandered around the City – stopping in bookstores which I found fascinating – and browsing at the newsstands that were always open. New York by now was loaded with snow. I returned for a short time to the Hotel.

The Booth Theater was across from the Hotel. I picked up a ticket for Time Limit with Arthur Kennedy. The seat, I learned, was in the second row, center. What a place to see a Broadway Play! Of course I enjoyed it.

Later I dashed back to NBC to see the Tonight Show. I got there too late to sit downstairs. Instead, I was ushered up to the fifth balcony where I would have needed to watch everything on the monitor. This would never do; my philosophy was to do everything I could do only here in the City and not to do anything I could do at home. So, I ducked out a side-door and proceeded downwards.

I felt as if I were reaching the bottom of Dante’s Inferno. At last, I arrived on the main floor. There I saw a vacant seat next to Mrs. Shoot, the ATO housemother! I took it until it was claimed by another man. I moved to the back of the small studio and stood. A young usher asked me if I was connected with the show. I said, “not exactly” and did not move. Finally, he put me in the last row which is reserved for the sponsors. The show was about Fred Allen. I almost fell asleep several times. When it ended, I walked back to the Hotel, once more, completely exhausted.

On Tuesday, my last day in New York – the Bagdad on the Hudson, Gotham, Metropolis, whatever you prefer, we were put on buses and taken to the United Nations Building for a tour. Our guide was a cute Russian girl who gave a coy smile with an answer of “yes” to my question: “Is this the Council chamber from which Gromyko walked out?”

Down in the shops I purchased some postcards and UN stamps. On the way back, some from our group stopped off at the department stores, but upon my return to the Hotel, I took a Fifth Avenue bus to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. This was probably the most ridiculous thing I attempted – to tour the Metropolitan in two hours!

About six o’clock we were given our final instructions in the lower lounge, our rendezvous site each day. Then the girls I had met on the train wanted to go someplace famous for our last meal in New York. Two other guys from the train and I accompanied them to Sardi’s for a hilarious meal. Since we had no reservations, we were directed upstairs, but it was Sardi’s!

The headmaster inquired about cocktails. One of the girls wanted a screwdriver! The shocked waiter complied. I had a conservative daiquiri. The girls had not eaten all day. None of us had. Everyone promptly got dizzy and hot. One of the guys drank almost a pitcher of water – to dilute the alcohol, he claimed. We had a great time laughing. I wonder what the people around us thought. Then came the check – for $ 32.20. The real fun began as we tried to tally what each one had bought. I finally paid $5.70 and left a dollar tip as each of the other guys did. On our way out we peeked into the downstairs and left, each to go to a different play.

I had chosen Tennessee William’s Cat on a Hot Tin Roof which was by far the best play I saw while in New York. It dealt with a triangle of an alcoholic hero, an unwanted heroine wife, and a possible homosexual friend. Afterwards I overheard one Brooklyn woman say to another, “My Mother is very intellectual, but I’m sure she wouldn’t enjoy it.”

I dashed into an Automat, bought some sandwiches, got some donuts from the coffee shop, grabbed my bags and giving Times Sq. one last look, boarded the bus. We left the Island through the Hudson Tunnel. Once boarding the train, everyone was tired enough not to sing, but to recall in their dreams the pleasures of New York. In these four days I spent $100.00 but every cent was worth it.

Written and Unwritten Memories

The long, journal entry about my mid-March tour of New York City was the last actual notation appearing in my journal for 1956, my Junior year at Kent State. I have no recollection of why I stopped writing in my diary. I may have devoted my time and energy directly toward what I was actually doing, rather than toward merely writing about what I was not doing. Throughout my life, my journal notes often occurred during periods when the days were routine – or when a specific event happened that I thought was worth “preserving.” Some half-century later I’m disappointed I stopped when I did. I have greatly enjoyed re-reading all of those notes and using them, in many instances, as the basis for my reflections.

Although they have been deleted from my memory-bank, the remaining months of the spring quarter surely were eventful, no doubt, even pleasant. The usual Campus Day with its all-night devotion of efforts toward the construction of a float must have occurred. Photos of the effort reveal a hillbilly scene of a log cabin and a mechanical drunken bear consuming moonshine from a jug. Several real-life fraternity brothers with shotguns peeked around the structure and had an interest in recovering what the bear had not yet imbibed. There has been a vague recollection that, having once more worked all night on the float, I napped before the Campus Day prom and did not wake up until it was too late to take my date to the dance. Surely, I apologized profusely to her the next day.

The months between my Junior and Senior years left no indelible memories, except one about corn-on-the-cob. Once again, boredom and the lack of a summer job at a time when it was difficult to find temporary employment in the steel-dominated economy of northeastern Ohio, led me to return to Kent for classes to complete my two undergraduate degrees in four years. I stayed in the men’s dorm rather than in the House or off-campus. A number of Korean War vet friends stayed there as well. One day they decided they wanted corn-on-the-cob and invited me to tag along. We bought what must have been a bushel of Ohio sweet corn, of which there is nothing more delicious. The guys had scrubbed out a metal wastebasket as much possible to use as a container. A small fire was carefully built in a field near the campus and in some manner the water-filled wastebasket was suspended above it. The yield was better than any mythical ambrosia could have been; its memory has been a sensory delight for more than six decades.

Since the remainder of 1956 was not recorded, the beginning of my academic year for 1956-57 had no documentation, but only a mental and emotional imprint in my mind and heart. It was the time when I met Karen, my beloved. She and I began our life together due, in great part, to my lack of memory for names!

Although I have been able to recall events, along with details about places and people, I have never been able to remember the names of the people I’ve met casually. This partial-amnesia has existed all of my life: it began in high-school and may be why I started maintaining a diary in the first place, an aid to help me remember the names of friends in my life.

We were in the Capt Brady coffee-shop for the usual gathering of members of Greek-letter fraternities and sororities at the beginning of the academic year. Lillian, who at the time dated my fraternity brother, Dan, introduced me to her very attractive sorority sister. The two of us spent several wonderful hours in deep, yet light-hearted, conversation. I saw her the following night when I entered the campus handout.

Unfortunately, I did not remember her name. Across a room crowded with mutual friends I shouted: “Hi, Stupid!” With some reluctance, she accepted the greeting. Lillian was greatly disturbed and said Karen was far from being “stupid.” I immediately agreed; saying if I had thought otherwise, I would never have used the reference. Now, fully armed with her name, we had another great conversational evening, repeated for more than the next sixty-some years.

Christmas 1956

It was possible to date without dating. Karen and I had this kind of relationship from September through December of 1956, the beginning of my senior year (and her junior year) at Kent State. It began by our having coffee in the Hub, the on-campus gathering place, almost every day. Most of the time there were multiple fraternity brothers and sorority sisters crowded around the same small table. My drink back then was usually a double-double: coffee with two small containers of cream and two spoonfuls of sugar. Early evenings we might find one another in the Capt Brady.

These really weren’t dates. Karen did not want to date me; she continued to date her ongoing boyfriend, David. I spent late evenings and weekends either studying or hanging out with fraternity brothers at Rocky’s. On rare occasions we might have a semi-date, under the rubric of an academic event such as the play Ondine, a student production of a French romance between Hans, a knight-errant and Ondine, a water-sprite. We went to a few early evening movies, one of which I recall vividly: White Squaw which contained every American Indian-Western cliche ever created. (If it were available today, it would be among the top ten cult films.) However, Karen remained unavailable in the evenings set aside for David.

That arrangement lasted until Christmas. Somehow, during the break for the holidays, I had the courage to write a letter to her. It was a long missive addressed, as usual, to “Hi Stupid.” The style was as strange and non-comprehensive as the greeting. I felt more comfortable writing to her in what might be viewed as a “dialog.” Many lines appeared in quotation marks indicating my words to her and her replies to me! Although the form was a dialog, I did include information about what I was doing and how I had spent a family Christmas long ago with my maternal relatives on the farm. All of this was a prelude to asking her to go to the DU winter formal on January 4. For all I knew, David was still in the picture, and I wanted to give her an opportunity to modify that picture, if she so chose.

She did. Two days later I received a response, written in the same style I had used, in which she, at the end of the letter, agreed to go with me to the dance. I had an extremely happy Christmas. The day afterwards, I responded to her response. That letter turned into a triad! In addition to the normal narrative found in any letter, I continued to create a dialog between the two of us when, suddenly, a third person began to speak with us: it was my alter ego! Over the following years, when I wrote to her while attending Cornell, our correspondence often included a dialog between the two of us as well as commentary from her superego, “Kitten,” and mine, “Fritz.”

Although it might be apparent how Karen and Kitten were related, my nick name of Fritz came from a more drawn-out reference. During the mid-fifties, crewcut haircuts and crewcut sweaters were popular. I was inclined toward both. One of my humorous fraternity brothers thought I should be called “Fritz, the U-boat Captain,” a designation that endured for some of my other friends. And so, I continued to have the unlikely designation of “Fritz” among an intimate group of friends.

These introductory letters also preserved the pleasure Karen and I found in atrocious puns. I had bought myself a Christmas present of a new record player and, thus, pedaled round-and-round about Debussy’s Fêtes and verbed swimmingly through La Mer. I had also purchased some Sinatra, Crew Cuts, and Belafonte albums to balance the classics. I still have the letters, an alternative for the lack of journal notes, as well as CDs made from the original thirty-three and one-third vinyls purchased more than a half-century ago.

First Date

Our “first date” almost did not happen. I had returned to Kent early so I could celebrate New Year’s 1957 there with friends and be ready for the arrival of dormitory residents on January 2. The other dorm counselors and I had a great party on New Year’s Eve.

The following day I began to suffer, but not with the usual hangover one might expect. The joints of my fingers, wrists, elbows and feet began to itch like blazes. Welts developed and I even went to the infirmary for a diagnosis (unknown etiology) and Benadryl to help relieve the symptoms. The good thing was Karen had also returned to Kent and we were able to resume our communication in person.

On the second day of January, in addition to the itching, I had been awakened by maids and smoke. The former were noisy about the latter, which had filled up the hallway of Johnson Hall. During the vacation, the incinerator had not been turned on. Being overstaffed with the debris of returning residents, it billowed with pounds of smoke. It looked like a foggy night and portended the discouraging days which followed.

In order to attend the DU winter formal being held within 72 hours, I needed to find a means of transportation for Karen and me to get there. Apparently, every fraternity brother with a car had already arranged for others to double date with them. Finally, brother Marvin Katz offered a ride, but his problem immediately became worse than mine – his date canceled on the afternoon before the formal.

Confusion also reigned with the start of classes, discussion of grades for last quarter and assistantship funding sources for the remainder of my term at Kent. It was not a hopeful beginning for my final year as an undergraduate. The continued itching did not help my disposition.

The end of the week, fortunately, concluded much better. At noon of the day for the DU formal, one of the brothers, Bill Mottice, said we could double; suddenly, and at the last minute, I had a way to take Karen to the dance. She wore a red sheath dress with a tail – a stunning look. We enjoyed the pre-dance cocktail party held by one of the brothers and the dance, itself. Yes, the week for the start of the year had a magnificent finale.

The only remaining “problem” was that there were no additional journal entries for the rest of the quarter! My final months as an undergraduate were so filled by living them that I had limited opportunity to record what was happening.

The entry, dated January 5, 1957, was followed by a copy of a letter of March 22. Evidently, I had taken a train to Ithaca, New York in order to visit Cornell University for the first time. I applied for graduate school, but my choice had been based on information from a published catalog. I had never seen the campus in person and was impressed by the ivy-clad buildings located between the deep gorges high above the town. The line, “High above Cayuga’s waters” made magnificent sense!

On my return trip from Ithaca, I briefly wrote Karen about my meeting with the dean of the Graduate School and with those who might be able to provide me with a position as a dorm council for undergraduate Cornelians. The university had positions for married counselors and offered them small apartments in the dormitory complex – along with a very modest salary. Everything reminded me of those old-time movies and novels about university life in English schools. I looked forward to what might be next in my life as I passed through Batavia, New York, on my way back to Kent, Ohio. The next few years of my life had a great potential.

New York Pinning

In March 1957, between winter and spring quarters of my Senior year and of Karen’s Junior year, we went on the KSU annual tour of New York City. Written details of this experience have never existed, but the memories have been indelibly preserved in the neural pathways of my mind. They have been inscribed upon the foundation stones of my heart.

On the way to the City, I presented her with my fraternity pin, an event called “pinning.” For many collegians, this action was equivalent to becoming engaged. And so, it was for the two of us.

The pinning was the conclusion of an earlier promise made on Valentine’s Day, a month before our trip. It was then, in the Robin Hood Restaurant in Kent, that I had offered Karen my mother’s ring: a green gemstone with a diamond chip that she had given me to be passed on to the woman I would choose to continue wearing her, and my, favorite piece of jewelry. Many years later, this ring was handed on to our granddaughter, Victoria, since this was also my mother’s name.

But now on March 16, someplace in the middle of the state of New York, Karen accepted my DU-pin and my pledge. The pin was stolen by a burglar thirty years ago; the pledge has been repeatedly renewed.

The places I had visited when I made my first tour of the City the preceding year, I saw once again, but in a different light, a brighter illumination. For Karen the sights were new. I enjoyed sharing them with her, even if the details were never included in a journal as had those of 1956.

There was Rockefeller Center, its coffee shop and its skaters’ pond where we watched the passing crowds. St Patrick’s Cathedral, where we went to Mass, continued to have a central place in my memories. I have forgotten the names of the plays we saw or slept through. However, I vividly remember a meal at Sardi’s Restaurant where we had a very thick, rare and over-crusted “hambourger.”

We also went with the college group for an evening at the Latin Quarter Nightclub. A traveling hostess took a photograph of the two of us and placed it in a folder with a very lively, but unclad, dancer on the cover. Later, when my Italian grandmother was handed the print, within its provocative folder, and told here was a picture of my girlfriend, she tossed it on the floor with great distain – until she was informed the photograph was inside, not outside.

The subway system was a revelation for both of us. It is there we encountered the shabby man who became, for us, the “prophet of the subway” – a homeless resident who shouted inanities at us as we awaited a train on the opposite platform.

Few of the other details of the tour have remained, but what we planted there was the seed for the later, formal engagement which occurred when I was a graduate student at Cornell. That New York event had its own story. It began once more, with Spring Break at Kent State.

I had invited Karen to spend this Break with me in Ithaca. I had planned on giving her a true engagement ring. I had carefully arranged for everything – except for one thing.

The day of the evening she was to leave Kent on the train for Ithaca, I had an attack of itching red spots. I thought I should probably go to the Cornell Infirmary just to be sure everything was fine, since the campus had been under a German measles alert for several weeks. Yes, the results were positive for me, too. I was allowed one phone-call before being confined overnight to an infirmary bed. I called Karen’s sorority house, but she was not there. I left a message; one I was not sure she would really believe. “Don’t come! I have German measles.”

Two weeks later, on April 1, I journeyed back to Kent when Cornell had its own Spring Break. There on a stone bench at the top of the hill on the front campus, near the bridge joining the Humanities and the Sciences buildings, I presented her with an engagement ring. We have visited this memorial site every time we’ve returned to the campus over the past six decades. There would, no doubt, have been a different result if she had not said “yes.”

Final Quarter

My final quarter began at the end of March 1957. I was determined to study more than I had previously that academic year. My grade average for the last quarter had been only a 2.7, a far cry from the overall 3.5 I’d been carrying for the first three years. Dating time and studying time had conflicted since September of my Senior year. I had grown use to the dating and wanted the hours Karen and I shared at the Brady to continue. But perhaps we now needed to cross the street and spend a few more in Rockwell Library.

This was also the quarter I enrolled in a Linguistics course taught by Dr. Georgie Babb. It was my favorite non-chemistry/biology offering in college. I fell in love with language as a result of it. If I had found it earlier in my academic life, my professional life would probably have been extremely different.

There were, also, attempts to participate in cultural events. One evening Don Bushell, one of the dorm counselors and close friend, invited Karen and me to join him and his date for a drive to Oberlin College to hear the Weavers, a new folk group. When we arrived, we discovered the performance had been cancelled by the college on the grounds that the Weavers were believed to be Communists. We were greatly surprised, since Oberlin College had a reputation of being one of the nation’s more liberal schools. The cancellation did, however, provide Karen and me the chance to spend a very communal evening on the way back from Oberlin.

This quarter was also the time for us to begin our more serious discussions, like one on religion and the Catholic view of “Christ’s descent into Hell.” Karen’s Congregational background and limited appreciation of creedal statements led to a very involved conversation. Spending time watching television at the Alpha Chi Omega House was much more pleasant.

April 1 on the academic calendar was more than April Fools’ Day. That was the day when letters are received about scholastic awards. At first, I did not see the letter from Cornell University. It was stuck between several magazines in the mail. It took me the time to smoke a cigarette and to offer up a few prayers (even if I was a somewhat lapsed Catholic) before opening the envelope and learning I had received a Cornell fellowship worth $1,975 for the following year. There were no strings attached. I did not need to be a dorm counselor or a teaching assistant. The funds were not even taxable. When I told Karen, she floated as high as I had been since reading the award letter.

My high lasted until the next evening when I telephoned my parents in Niles. My mother’s response was to the effect: “Well, that’s nice. If you really want it, you should probably take it.” My father had no commentary whatsoever. His preference was for me to get a job after graduation. He always said I should get one making bricks at the Niles Brick Factory.

The months of April and May passed quickly. The usual social events came and went as they had in the preceding three years. My grades were better for the end of the year than they had been for this year’s earlier quarters. Graduation came. Karen and I parted for the summer, with a hope that we would somehow be able to see each other before she returned to Kent for her own Senior year.

Karen went off for a family vacation in Virginia. I went to Niles to deal with the stuff I brought home from living alone in Kent for four years. It would not be too long before I’d be off once more. A new life awaited me in Ithaca. In the meantime, there would be letters between us. Karen would be working as a camp counselor for the summer. I hoped I might see her there, somehow. In fact, it became much easier than I ever thought possible.

In some miraculous way my father agreed to buy me a car as a “graduation present.” The dream became the reality of a Ford Fairlane 500 Fordor sedan. It looked a lot like the classic Crown Victoria, but was less expensive, at a total of $2,600 with “white walls, radio, and heater.” It was destined for several trips to Camp Wingfoot in North Madison, Ohio. I had high hopes for the Summer.

Picnic on the Beach

For some strange reason this set of memories was not preserved when I recalled others from my Kent State period. In re-reading those entries almost three years later, I am surprised they were concealed from active recollection back then. The event involved a picnic, during the early spring of my Senior year at KSU. The gathering of a select group of DU brothers met on a small beach frontage on the eastern end of Lake Erie, near Ashtabula. The property was owned by the family of Paul Timms, a fraternity brother who liked to party. He invited us to spend the day on the beach, with a focus on a wiener roast, a feast of the highest magnitude for young adults, even back then.

Roasting hotdogs and burning marshmallows are among the highlights of my memory, some six decades later! Fortunately, there are also some old photos of many of us crowding around a bonfire, wondering if the results of the open flames were ready for consumption. After all, semi-cooked hotdogs are edible, especially for twenty-somethings.

The day went well, until the afternoon rains arrived. They provided our only opportunity to get wet, since Lake Erie is too chilly for swimming before late summer. Fortunately, the Timms family owned a small, nearby cottage, an excellent place to drink beer while attempting to stay dry, or dry-out for those of us who had been caught in the sudden rain. Karen was one of the latter. She had not brought a swimsuit, knowing, I suppose, the unlikelihood of taking a dip in the lake. Of course, most of the DU guys did have trunks, since jumping into cold water proved one’s masculinity in some mysterious way. For some reason, Karen’s blouse was completely soaked; she made do with a lightweight jacket she had brought along. This outfit was fine until a little bit later, on our drive back to Kent.

Our ride to the picnic and our way back to the campus involved Dan Patridge, a close fraternity brother, and his girlfriend, Lillian, who was the sorority sister who had introduced Karen and me at the beginning of that school year. For some reason, it was suggested we drive back from Ashtabula to Kent by way of Niles. My hometown was, geographically, on the way. It made some sense, since this would give Karen, as well as Dan and Lillian, a chance to meet my mother for the first time.

The interaction of Karen and my mother proceeded well, with one major exception. Karen’s blouse had not yet dried. She wore her tan jacket with only a dampish bra beneath it. My mother kept insisting Karen should remove her jacket in order to be more comfortable in our overly heated house. Karen kept refusing, much to my mother’s inability to comprehend why she wanted to remain with the jacket. We made an exit as soon as we could and had a laugh-filled drive back to Kent State. It was years later that Karen finally explained to my mother why she remained in a zipped jacket the first time they had met.

Summertime, When the Living Was Not Easy

Love letters, even the most romantic ones, were no substitute for reality. Occasional long evenings on the beach, even the most romantic ones, were no substitute for reality. The summer between my senior year at Kent State and my first year at Cornell was no substitute for reality.

I wrote to Karen several times a week; she wrote more frequently and tried not to chide me too often about my own deficient schedule of responses. At least, they were very long letters when I did get to them. I found multiple pages written in the dark hours after midnight were very comforting to me. Somehow, during the daylight or the nightfall of early evening, I felt awkward about composing them. Or maybe it was because I slept a lot during the day. I did not have a summer job, since the Titanium Plant where I had once found statistical employment was in an economic slump. (During the one summer when I did not go back to Kent for classes, George Davies and I found employment for three months in the Niles Titanium Plant. We worked in their analytic office and did daily data entries of samples taken from the titanium sheets they produced. Certain, now unremembered, measurements were graphed to show that the product met specification. I spent that summer using an old-fashioned Monroe calculator to solve thousands of quadratic equations.)

During the summer of 1957, Karen did find a job as a counselor at Camp Wingfoot at North Madison, Ohio. It was on Lake Erie and only a two-hour drive from Niles. We tried to spend as many weekend evenings as we could on the nearby beach. It was a challenge driving back to Niles late at night when the wind coming through the open window was the only reason I could stay on the road. Driving with your eyes closed is not a good idea.

We did keep the letters and they have become part of our collections on paper, for her, and in electronic versions, retyped some ten years ago, for me. Comments on what we did, or in my case, failed to do, in our daily lives made up the content of many of them. This was also the time when I became enamored by sonnets created by both Wm. Shakespeare and E.B. Browning, many of which were copied into our letters. We also included items relating to potential wedding plans, especially those relevant to views held by a lapsed-Catholic-husband-to-be and Congregational-anti-Catholic-parents.

There were, in addition, four significant events I experienced during that Summer. I did get to meet Karen’s Mother and Father when I drove to Sandusky and spent a weekend with her family.

Secondly, we were, to some extent, affected by the June breakup between my fraternity brother, Dan, and Karen’s sorority sister, Lillian. They were the ones who had introduced the two of us a year ago. They had been “seriously” involved for several years previously and seemed to be destined for marriage. Karen and I vowed to be different.

The third event was a visit to Ithaca, New York with my dearest cousin, Rosemary, who had grown up with me and was virtually my own sister. She and I drove there in my new Ford so I could find a place to live the following September when I would begin my new life at Cornell.

There was also another pleasant trip for closing my life at Kent State. Bill and Frank, two of my DU brothers, drove with me to Middlebury, Vermont, for an international fraternity meeting at the College. It was my first trip to a New England campus and my introduction, albeit, in summer rather than in a magnificent fall, to the part of the country where I could live for the rest of my life. Fortunately, I did have the opportunity to experience New Hampshire, Vermont, and Massachusetts during the initial years of my academic life.

This New England trip was also the time I was first exposed to lobster. Frank, who became an outstanding chef and owner of a restaurant in Akron, Ohio, led us on a merry prank of our non-New England brothers. He assured every Midwesterner that lobster tails tasted terrible, but the three of us would take theirs and consume them so the brothers from Middlebury College would not be upset by all those visitors who would, otherwise, have left them, uneaten, on their plates. It was not an “easy living summer” but my addiction to red crustaceans did result from it.

KSU – Forever Brighter

This essay was written for inclusion in the “Oral History Project” of Kent State University, to be published in 2023.

During my sophomore year at Niles McKinley, several students went to KSU to take the regional, high school biology exams. On first sight, I fell in love with the ivy-covered halls crowning the hillside above the tree-covered campus. Since I wanted to be a high school science teacher, my enrollment, in September 1953, for Kent’s program leading to a B.S. in Ed. was inevitable. As a result of those high school science exams, the University offered me a scholarship which included four years of tuition and fees. In order to provide funds for housing, board, and books, I was offered work at the reception desk for Stopher Hall, the only men’s dormitory on campus. I managed the switchboard and transferred incoming calls to banks of telephones in each lounge. Passing residents answered the ringing phone and, shouting down the corridors, summoned those students being called. After living off-campus for the next two years, I returned as a resident-counselor for Johnson Hall, the second men’s dorm at Kent State.

Many of the hours between my classes were devoted to drinking coffee, smoking Kent microfilter cigarettes, and conversing in the Hub, where there was a daily contest to determine how many chairs could be crowded around each small table. The air in the Hub had more smoke from cigarettes than the amount produced by the Central Heating Plant across the street from the Student Union. Later, after joining Delta Upsilon fraternity, my coffee and cigarette consumption was transferred to the Capt. Brady Grill, opposite Prentice Gate, or the equally smoke-filled Rocky’s, a downtown bar frequented by the DUs.

It was at the Capt. Brady, during my senior year, that I met Karen Swank, a junior majoring in secondary education. We were introduced by her AXO sorority sister, who had been pinned to one of my fraternity brothers. Karen and I had a magnificent two-hour conversation in one of the grill’s garishly colored booths. However, I had forgotten her name when we met the following night in the Brady. Across a room crowded with fraternity and sorority members, I greeted her with: “Hi, Stupid.” Fortunately, she replied in a similar fashion. We have been married for over six decades and have lovingly continued to use this greeting with one another.

During my first year in Stopher Hall, I shared a triple room with two roommates, Al Kennedy, a chemistry major from Cleveland and Carl Oglesby, a polysci major from Akron. We had many long, evening-discussions about the world, in general, as only freshman can. My interactions with Carl were long ranging. In our junior year, he became the “Big Brother” who began the Macedonian Club, a men’s group formed as a protest against Greek-letter fraternities. At the time, I was Parliamentarian of the Student Government Council that had to approve acceptance of the club’s constitution, which included the goals: “…. To promote appreciation of the modern arts. … To criticize each other’s work, and … To improve the ‘humdrum existence’ on campus.” Carl finally agreed to exclude the purpose identified as “… bear baiting, boar hunting and falconry.” He did not graduate from KSU but, later, at the University of Michigan, became one of the founders of the Students for a Democratic Society. He also wrote a book about his visit to Castro’s Cuba and as well as another about the KSU tragedy of May 4, 1970.

My time at Kent holds many memories of non-classroom events. Stuffing colored crepe paper into chicken-coop wire at 3:00 am, is not easily forgotten. The results, for lawn constructions on Homecoming and for floats pulled by shining convertibles on Campus Day, were worth the all-night efforts. DU fraternity members were noted for their black-light productions for Pork Barrel and, on Campus Day, for painting the “K,” which dated back to its beginning as Kappa Mu Kappa. DU members were also known for their participation in basketball, swimming, diving, production of the Kent Stater and campus politics. One of them, Lou Holtz, also did well in football. Many of them participated in contests at Rowboat Regatta and other intramural events, including the local College-Bowl trivia-game broadcasts. I was on the DU winning team for three consecutive years. Karen was on the AXO team which placed first during the following year. She was also Parliamentarian of the Student Government Council, the year following my service in this role!

One of my favorite professors was Dr. Gerald Read, who taught a course in the philosophy of education. Beginning his series of lectures with a presentation on a major approach to education, he convinced me that this approach was, indeed, the way I wanted to teach. He then followed with lectures on how what he had presented made no sense and offered views on another educational approach, which was far superior, until he tore that one apart during his following lectures. After multiple build-ups and teardowns, I recognized a need to develop my own educational philosophy, incorporating parts of everything he had taught. This result is what education should be about!

Towards the end of my freshman year, I realized that, by taking at least twenty credit hours each quarter and a few summer classes, I could, during my four years at Kent, earn a B.S. degree, with a major in chemistry, along with the B.S. in Ed. In September 1957, I entered the Ph.D. program at Cornell University and, four years later, received a doctoral degree with a major in biochemistry.

Upon completion of my graduate degree, I held postdoctoral research fellowships at Dartmouth Medical School and Oregon State University. I then became a scientist-administrator with the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, MD. My shift to academic administration began with a position as Associate Graduate Dean for Research at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and ended with becoming the Director for Faculty Research Resources at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston. It was also during this period that I was ordained as a Permanent Deacon in the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston. In 2014, I received the Centennial Alumni Award from the College of Education, Health, and Human Services, at Kent State.

The variety within my professional life began with the many opportunities KSU afforded me during those initial years of collegiate study and of the formation of lasting friendships. Several years ago, having moved to a retirement Community in Houston, Karen and I joined a group of residents devoted to writing down memories for transmittal to our children, grandchildren and future generations. My own efforts for this “legacy in words” can be found in a blog I initiated: “CameosAndCarousels.com.” An elaboration of my years in Niles, Kent, Ithaca, Corvallis, Bethesda and Houston can be found there by anyone interested in my life as an “academic bum,” which began at Kent State University seventy years ago!

Housing Hunt in Ithaca

During the summer between my graduation from Kent State and my move to Cornell, my cousin Rosemary and I drove my new car there to find a place for me to live the following September. It was a vacation-adventure for the two of us – the only one we ever had.

I had lived in dorms and off-campus at Kent. After an earlier visit, before I was formally accepted into Cornell, I had not been impressed with the University’s housing for graduate students. The setting for the grad-student apartments near Cascadilla Gorge was extremely impressive, as were most sights around the campus, but rather old and run-down. I was not as interested in dormitory living as a graduate student as I had been as an undergraduate. So, Rosemary and I began our search.

The first off-campus apartment building had a dingy, red-tiled hall and eighteen residents. The landlady was a talkative one. In the single she showed me, was a rocker tied together with rope because, as she said, “Well, it was falling apart.” I declined her generous hospitality for next year on the grounds that it would be too noisy with eighteen residents, even though she protested that if anyone got noisy, she tossed them out.
The next places were much better. I finally settled on a boarding house at 107 Harvard Place. The owners were a young couple by the name of O’Mara. He was a law student. There were six men living in the house. I felt that six were not too many and gave me better odds to find a friend for next school year. Besides, the closet was large, and the bath had a shower. The rent was $7.00 per week, which was average for Ithaca. (Kent’s average had been $5.00 per week.) The house was located about two blocks from College Town, a commercial district about three blocks from campus. I would be living only five blocks from the campus.

At the time I really did not know just how large the campus, itself, was. Savage Hall, where the Department of Biochemistry was housed, was located in the center of the agricultural campus which was surrounded by the arts and sciences campus, the engineering campus and the veterinary medicine campus. I had classes on all of them. It was not uncommon for me to leave a class five minutes before it was to end and arrive at the next class five minutes after it had begun – even with a ten-minute break between classes. Lectures were constructed to accommodate both late arrivals and early exits.

College Town was the site for shopping and hanging out, other than on the campus itself. The Big Red, the main campus shop, was the place to buy everything needed for existence in the university. I learned to shop there and avoid the places located in downtown Ithaca, an area which was as “down” as anyone could want. Cornell was situated on top of the hill, and the town at its bottom. The roads, either straight or winding up its sides, were real challenges, whether on foot or in a car, during a frozen winter in the Finger Lakes region of upstate New York. Walking from Harvard Street to Savage Hall was not much different from a journey through the lowest circle of Dante’s Inferno – which, it should be recalled, had Satan sealed eternally in ice!

Two other events might be noted as part of my adventure. While on campus, I had checked on my German exam for next Fall. I purchased a copy of last year’s exam to study and a scientific German dictionary. The fellow at the information desk in the Union warned me the exam was rough, as did the Secretary in the Graduate Office. She said some German exchange students failed it. They knew what it said in German, but not in English!

The second event involved my new car. That model-year, Ford had changed out its electric system – but not completely. The first night, when Rosemary and I were driving back to the motel after a pleasant dinner, the entire electrical system burned out! We had to be towed to the motel. The car was in the local Ford repair shop for the next two days. However, Ithaca and Cornell were not bad places in which to be stranded. Walking up and down the hills, across the gorges, and over the campus did help strengthen our legs. This was an excellent introduction for the exercises I would endure for the next four years.

First Days at Cornell

In mid-September 1957, I began my four years at Cornell University. I had driven to Ithaca with both of my parents. They left in mid-afternoon on the train for their immediate return to Ohio – a not uncommon event. They never wanted to stay overnight anywhere away from home. When they left, I had a feeling I’d never experienced before. I felt homesick. For the first time in my life, I would be alone for an extended period. I knew no one in Ithaca. I’d always had acquaintances, if not friends, wherever I had lived for the twenty-two years of my life. Now there was no one. The homesickness had to be overcome.

That first evening I stood on the Hill near Willard Straight Hall, the student union building, and looked out over the valley and the Lake. The library chimes were playing. The scene was not unlike one from a Hollywood collegiate romance. If only Karen were with me. I thought about why I was standing there.

I had chosen Cornell for its beauty and for its academic renown. I had to focus on these elements and not on my feelings of desertion. Some of the Cornelians I had met briefly at The Straight and in Savage Hall, where the Biochemistry Department was located and where I would spend my years at Cornell, had seemed friendly. I revived the expectation I once held. I trusted that not everyone would be like a few examples I had also met – those who were concerned only with their own firmly established niches. The world might be an oyster, for some, but oysters also had closed shells isolating them from their surroundings. Yet, oysters also had pearls formed from buried irritants. I’d see what might develop.

I quickly learned that almost anything could develop in Ithaca. The adage for the location was true: if you don’t like the weather, wait a minute, it will change. My notes for Sunday, September 22 are to the effect: “The morning was sparkling; the early afternoon, hot and humid; late afternoon, showering; early evening, pouring rain; and late evening, cold and windy. There are still a few hours for it to snow.”

The next afternoon, I made my way to the Cornell Chapter of Delta Upsilon. The House was physically striking, with another cinematic view of the Lake. I met a few of the brothers, but neither they nor I seemed to be impressed with one another. Over the next few weeks, I often went there for dinner. However, since I did not know how to play bridge, there was little to do afterwards. Few wanted to engage in conversations, per se. Within a few months, I finally gave up and never went back to the House. What had once been the center of my social life was now null and void.

My room at 107 Harvard Place was equally joyless. It was merely a site for sleeping and for studying. Most of my time would be spent either in the communal office area at Savage Hall assigned to graduate students for study, or in the library on the nearby Agriculture campus. I also found comfortable, wing-back chairs in the library and lounges of The Straight for reading fiction, especially old sci-fi.

At the time, Biochemistry was part of the state-controlled campus of Cornell, rather than being part of its private campus, where I did take most of my basic science courses in biology and chemistry. In later years, when I did not have a fellowship but was paid through an assistantship, it was advantageous to be part of the public college of Cornell instead of its more expensive, private component.

Once again, my journal entries were extremely limited, even more so than in previous years. In fact, there are only two notations for all of 1957. Most of my non-study time was devoted to correspondence with Karen. Although I tried to write daily, I failed in this intent, much to her discomfort from time to time. These letters, nevertheless, serve as a partial source for any details of my early recollections of Cornell University.

Cornell Comedy

In lieu of diary entries for my days at Cornell, I wrote Karen about what was going on in my new life. In a letter of September 24, 1957, I included a description, albeit a somewhat exaggerated one, of my first days during which I attempted to become a graduate student.

My existence here at Cornell has been a series of frustrations and gropings . I have more questions than a freshman. I’m used to having the answers, but here I don’t, and have problems finding them. For one thing, there are classes. Or rather the lack of them that worries me.

At 3:30 Monday, I entered Barton Hall, a gym slightly larger than the entire Men’s Physical Education building at Kent. I lined up at a desk where they took away all my pre-registration IBM cards, except three. There were about a dozen I had received in the mail. I was directed to another line where a cop looked at one and pointed to the back of the room, a mile away, where I was to present one of the three remaining cards. He had just checked to see if I had it.

Then came a graduate line, which took some hunting to find. I was given more cards to fill out while waiting in a second graduate line where I left these cards and got some more! I then had my picture taken – they didn’t tell me why – gave up my cop-inspected card, signed up for an X-ray, and bought a year’s book of athletic tickets! Throughly confused, I hobbled to the information desk where a smiling undergraduate coed sat. I asked her: “What do I do now?” I don’t think she appreciated the question. After a few of her own, she said that was all. “But I don’t have any classes yet!” I wailed. She dried my tears and said, since I was a grad student, I didn’t get any. Here they have a liberal education!

So, I grabbed hold of the ivy hanging from her ponytail, swung up to the rafters with the cry of a wounded Kent Stater and watched. I conferred with a few other strange, misplaced grad students and we concluded we actually don’t have any classes assigned at registration. We have two weeks to sit in on any course and decide whether we want to accept that professor for a term or go somewhere else. After two weeks, we turn in to the Graduate School a list of the courses we’ve decided are worthwhile for the term. Occasionally (ha) your special committee will recommend courses – especially the ones they teach. However, at the moment, I don’t know the members of my special committee, since I haven’t chosen them yet! But never fear, I have two weeks to shop for them. And six weeks before they are nonreturnable.

So, learning all these bits of information the catalog neglected to mention, I climb down from the rafters and race to the exit to buy a committee. Instead, a hulking brute sticks out his white-bucked shoe, trips me, plants his khaki knee on my chest and murmurs: “Have you bought your calendar yet?” I slip him a bill and he rolls me out the door. I have registered.

Now comes the process of shopping for classes throughout the campus. As a searching grad student, I spoke with a series of departmental representatives about the offerings currently available. Originally, I planned for a schedule of 18 hours.

The Biochem man says take the departmental Seminar. I plan for 19 hours. The Biology man says 19 hours is too much. I talk the Bacteriology man into taking only the lecture and not the lab. It was in trying to find this one that I wandered into the agriculture school’s campus. It took me 30 minutes to find the building. The aggies only grunted answers, of a sort, on what directions to take.

I now have 16 hours and ask the Organic man if classes start on time. The Bacteriology class lets out at 11:50 and the organic begins at 12:00. I timed myself between the two buildings. It takes me 12 minutes – if I steal a horse from the stables. The organic man says he doesn’t know, since this is his first term here.

Then there are books. You can buy them at the Cornell Campus Store, a departmental madhouse in the center of the campus. The store advertizes five checkouts, each having an un-advertised line twenty feet or more long. The place puts a rush-hour at the KSU Campus Supply to shame.

I bought $34 of books and a $10 dissecting kit – used for emerging from the store (and later in a zoological course I plan on attending – it’s a bad hour for coffee so what the heck. I might as well get educated.) But really, I get $4.40 back. You save your receipts and get a 10% discount. They’re better than green stamps.

I go over to The Straight to drown my sorrows in coke. I find an Activities Fair. Somehow, I subscribe to the “Cornell Daily Sun,” “The Cornell Writer,” – it looks and feels like the “Kent Writer” – and “The Widow” yearbook. In backing away, I stumble into the music room. Fortunately, they sense my monotone qualities and usher me to the general exhibits. I pass Pershing Rifles, Farm clubs, Religious Clubs, Theater Clubs, and just plain clubs. I almost signed up for rushing, but the guy was an SAE and he didn’t know Dean Nygreen, so I passed it up.

I then decide to go to the Ivy Room – a Cornellian Hub with long benches attached to tables without writing tops. Still, it doesn’t have that old atmosphere. Its inhabitants are bushy and tweedy.

So as the sun collapses into Lake Cayuga and the chimes burst forth in melodious disharmony, I slink off in my non-ivy trousers and jacket and journey home, ending my first two days at Cornell.

A Fortnight at Cornell

In 1958, I did slightly better in my intention of maintaining a diary of my days at Cornell. In January, I made it through two weeks, a great improvement over the two days of 1957.

Once again, I had driven back to Ithaca with my father, who insisted that he accompany me. I was never sure why he demanded this. He left on a train within a few hours of our arrival in town. The weather for the first half of the trip had been accommodating. We had left Niles at 11:00 a.m. and arrived in Ithaca at 7:00 p.m. The New York Thruway was now open all the way and we were able to cover the Erie to Buffalo section without incident, other than being delayed in Hamburg, New York for speeding. Since I had heard a snowstorm was, as usual, moving into central New York, I was determined to beat its arrival.

My feelings upon my own arrival in town were, again, not what they had been upon returning to Kent after a holiday visit. Without the collegiate social atmosphere I once loved so much, it now took time to readjust. I did not like the loneliness that settled in almost immediately. Since I had given up going to the DU House at Cornell, a brotherhood was no longer available to sustain me.

I had begun to bond with the graduate students in my Department, but I had problems. For the first time in my life, I did not feel up to them academically. I had always been among the brightest in my classes. This was no longer the case. I was disturbed whether I would be able to keep up with the other grad-students who had started with me a few months ago. I assumed it would depend on how my qualifying exams would turn out. One of the new students, Evelyn Havir, whom I thought was much brighter than I, claimed to be worried about passing her exams. She did, but my own worries were no less troublesome. I did not like being “merely average.”

I met with Dr. Williams, the head of the Biochemistry Department, who was also my academic advisor, until I chose a topic for my doctoral thesis and would gain a personal mentor for the remainder of my time in graduate school. He seemed to believe I was doing well and would continue to do so; he even thought I’d be ready for my qualifying exams next fall. If I did not pass them, I would end up with a Master’s degree, the consolation prize for not being able to pursue a doctorate.

I did enjoy the social gatherings with Evelyn and her roommate, Louise Anderson, and with the other first-year grad-students: John Wooten, Bob Wilhelm and Paul Kindle. All of us became close friends over the next four years. The Smalltalk we had while drinking beer and consuming snacks in one of their apartments was usually entertaining. The picnics we had at Taughannock Falls Park were even better.

Being outdoors added to my desire to be a first-rate biochemist, and really understand the life around me be it plant, animal or fungal. Besides, the golds and reds of the Finger Lake region in autumn, along with the multiple waterfalls of the creeks entering Cayuga Lake, could not be more fantastic. It was a miraculous place to be one-with-nature. There were spectacular sites and sights all around-me. I became transfixed by merely standing near a small wet spot on the flat rocks near the falls and pondering the mysteries of the life residing there, unnoticed by most hikers walking past it.

And then came the snow. One evening in early January, the forecast had said the rain would turn into freezing rain. When I awoke in the morning, the radio declared that fourteen inches of snow had fallen over night. At first, I thought I had accidently tuned into a broadcast from New Hampshire, but the news had come from the local station. Shoveling out the car was a real challenge, one which remained so, on a daily basis, for the rest of that month and those which followed.

After the preliminary ice storm, there was no traction for a car without chains and I walked to the campus from my new apartment in Cayuga Heights, to which I had recently moved in anticipation of Karen joining me in the coming months, and my desire to have more than the space afforded by a single room. A combined living room and kitchen adjoining a large bedroom and a private bathroom were more than sufficient. I also got along well with Mrs. Bemont, my new landlady.

If it weren’t for the daily, physical headaches I began to develop, my life could have been even pleasant, although I missed Karen tremendously and daily letters did not relieve that pain. The Cornell clinic was not able to diagnose the reason for my new affliction and so I decided I might need a new prescription for my eyeglasses. When the new ones yielded no positive results, I began to accept that the stress of the life of a graduate student was compatible with my physical problems. This was the way it was going to be for the coming months. I hoped the Ph.D. would be worth it.

Cornell Snippets

My letter to Karen in which I commented on my first days at Cornell was unique in that I usually wrote “romantic” letters to her, with a focus on my feelings for her and our future, rather than comments about what was routinely going on in my life in graduate school. There were, however, a few snippets which allude to that life and serve as stimuli for recollections of those days, some six decades later.

Originally Karen was to visit Cornell for “Fall Weekend,” but the event was cancelled. My letter of September 25 to her indicates the reason. “Due to the death of a student last year during Spring Weekend, the admin. is against a Fall Weekend until a new social code is drawn up limiting parties. (They want them over before 4:00 a.m.! Also, they want chaperones. Imagine, chaperones!) This is quite a place. The “Weekends” usually are a series of parties for the entire 72-hour period. Maybe it would be best for you to come some other weekend.” Needless to say, the undergraduates were very disturbed with this change in the freedom once afforded them.

A major rite-of-passage for every graduate student is the passing of the foreign language exam, held at the beginning of each semester. My letter to Karen, written in late September, had an interesting set of comments: “This evening I took the German qualifying. Although I was very anxious about the exam, it really wasn’t as hard as I expected. I may have passed it. Word is that only a few pass it the first time. Some have tried for four terms! Afterwards, I went to the grad open house at The Straight. There I heard three excellent campus singing groups: two male, the “Sherwoods” and the “Cayuga’s Waiters,” and the female “Notables.” The songs were really cute. I’ll try to buy one of the “Waiters’” records for you. The AX’s would like it.”

I later learned I did pass the German qualifying examination and would not need to take a language class until I did pass it. Furthermore, it was not uncommon for The Straight to be the venue for campus song-gatherings. One undergraduate student at the time was Peter Yarrow who performed his folk songs in the Ivy Room and, after graduation, joined with two others, Paul and Mary, to continue a singing career!

I had conflicting self-views about my academic work at Cornell. In an early letter I wrote: “I had my first lectures today – biochem, bacteriology, and advanced organic. The first two weren’t bad but the last one assumed either I am already an organic chemist or a genius at learning. Anyway, I’m getting use to the system. The lectures are amazing in their size. The classes are about 50 to 100. It’s straight lecture rather than the lecture-recitation classes we have at Kent.”

At the beginning of October, I wrote: “I’ve developed, or perhaps reacquire, a passion for studying. I had it once and then lost it. But I enjoy studying here – even if I have to do so much of it. Perhaps I enjoy it because it is the only avenue open to me to prove myself. And yet I tell myself I want to learn more – that there is so much to learn and so little time to do it. I’m not sure why I feel the later. Perhaps, it is because I want to understand what’s going on around here. When my biochem colleagues begin talking shop, I feel like screaming, “Have you seen Hamlet?!” The cream of high school goes to college. And the cream of college goes to graduate school. Yet at times, I’m only a part of the milk that didn’t get homogenized the right way. I realize I have the potential, but I didn’t realize I’d have to work so hard to develop it.”

In addition to courses in biochemistry, bacteriology, and advanced organic chemistry, I was enrolled in another “undergraduate” course: comparative anatomy. At the time, I did enjoy all of them, perhaps because they were “undergraduate” classes. I had not taken certain subjects at Kent and, being deficient in these areas had to study them for my major in biochemistry and minor fields of endocrinology and organic chemistry.

As it turned out, I did so well in the advanced organic chemistry class that the professor thought I should change to this field as my major. It’s well I did not. Although I was adept at the three-dimensional visualization needed for stereochemistry, a significant part of the organic chemistry emphasized in this course, I was not able to recall all of the multiple conditions needed to synthesize every type of organic compound from “ethanol,” which seemed to be the requirement to be a major in the field.

It was also, during this course in organic chemistry that I learned how to decipher English terms related to American ones. My distinguished British professor preferred “e-thile” and “me-thile” in his lectures; my own ears kept expecting “ethyl” and “methyl.” The following semester, I had a similar problem with my professor in endocrinology, who, later, became a member of my doctoral committee. I finally learned to translate his mumbled “hypa” into either “hypo” or “hyper” in order to follow his lectures meaningfully in a discipline where “low” and “high” do have significant differences for how the body reacts to various hormone levels.

I also recall the many hours I spent with “Beilstein,” a multi-volume database (written in German!) for every organic molecule discovered before 1957. At the same time, I vividly remember that the only way I passed qualitative analysis, in which a student needed to identify an “unknown” molecular product by its physical properties, was due to my landlady, at the time. Mrs. O’Mara allowed me to smell all of her spices. I knew my “unknown” smelled “spicy,” but did not know which one it might be until I knowingly inhaled cinnamon!

My major problem in the undergraduate science classes I was required to take was due to the competitive nature of fellow students. It was not uncommon for one of them to bump a microscope “accidently” so that the marker, pointing toward a particular sub-cellular structure, would be moved slightly. The result would be that the next student, undertaking the exam to identify the chosen structure, would be misled. Exams in comparative anatomy were easier than those in microbiology. It was more difficult to mess up a bone concealed in a bag, for identification in the test, than it was to jiggle a microscope. Most of the accidents were caused by pre-med students who wanted to score higher in order to be assured entrance into the professional schools they wanted!

Graduate level seminars and lectures were easier. There, the students collaborated more than at the undergraduate level. I enjoyed those classes, except when the lights were dimmed for viewing slide-projections; that’s when my eyelids tended to close down. Although I made passing grades at Cornell, my averages had been much higher at Kent State. I was never sure if the cause was related to a difference in the academic acuteness of the two institutions or to my being more “average” than I once thought.

Snippets on academic life at Cornell would not be complete without a comment about the life of academicians, per se. In January 1958, I wrote the following summary for Karen: “I just came back from a cocktail party – OK, if you prefer the truth – a graduate beer party. And actually, it wasn’t that either. It was a qualifying party. And that doesn’t sound right. Let me put it this way – Evelyn Havir, Louise Anderson, and Paul Kindle – 3 biochem grad students just passed their qualifying exams and had a party at the girls’ apartment. There were faculty, married grads, and stags there. I had an enjoyable time talking – and I didn’t have that much to drink.

The conversations covered all shades of small talk and included the academics of legumes with Nona, from the Philippines via Ohio State; induced trauma in the uterine tissue of pseudo-pregnant rats with Mrs. Hess – she’s getting a PhD in endo from Harvard, her husband is a biochem prof here; ruminants with Dallas Boggs from W. Virginia; nose bleeds with Trygve Tuve – his father is a nuclear physicist at Colorado and “Trig” himself is an expert on selenium as a trace element; speech pathology with Alice (something-or-other) – her husband was entertaining – a quasi-intellectual from Purdue with whom I traded comments on music, philosophy, and literature. I knew as much as he did, which isn’t saying much.” This could also summarize many true cocktail parties I endured as a faculty member throughout the rest of my academic-research-administration career!

The Engagement

Karen was supposed to visit me during my first “Fall Weekend” at Cornell but did not because of the changes in the campus policies for the weekend. We planned that she would visit at the beginning of the year, with the unstated expectation that she would be presented with an engagement ring during our time together. The planning, however, included a little collegiate subterfuge.

She was living in her sorority house at the time. Kent State had restrictive policies regarding any absence during this era of well-controlled student life. She would not be able to “sign-out” for a weekend at Cornell. However, she could stay with a friend living in Kent before boarding the train for Ithaca. The plan would have worked. I already had purchased the ring. But a slight problem occurred.

Late on the afternoon she was to leave Kent, I became increasingly concerned about a rash I had been noticing over the past few days. At the time, Cornellians were being diagnosed with cases of German Measles. To be on the safe side, I thought I might make a quick visit to the University Infirmity to confirm that my concerns held no weight; I was being my usual hypochondriac self. Instead, my self-diagnosis was confirmed: I did have German Measles! I was allowed one telephone call before being consigned to a bed in the facility.

I called the AXO House in Kent, but Karen had already signed out for her overnight stay with her local friend. I had to leave a message that I was confined to the Infirmary with measles and her trip would need to be postponed. I hoped she would believe the message and not think she was being “pranked.” She believed; I scratched.

Several weeks later, I managed to schedule a visit to Kent for a weekend. It was then that I formally proposed, and she accepted me and the engagement ring as we sat on our favorite bench on the front campus.

There were two minor problems we encountered during this otherwise, joyous time. As usual, I was late in meeting with her. She never was able to understand how I could drive for more than eight hours and arrive “on time,” but could not meet her when we had scheduled a specific time, once I was in town. Actually, the problem has remained for the last six decades! I still have difficulty being present (or being able to leave) when she is ready to go. Karen is consistently early and on-time; I now tend to be consistently present “exactly” on-time, but never early. It took me years to be able to adapt to this “compromise.”

The second problem was one of communication. I waited until the following week, when I made my semi-routine call to my mother, to inform her that Karen and I were formally engaged. In the meantime, Karen’s mother had called my mother to ask for the addresses of those who should receive wedding invitations. I’m not sure Karen and I had discussed the date for this event, but Mrs. Swank wanted to be prepared!

I do not recall how the final date was finally agreed upon. Karen’s sister, Tami, had also become engaged to Ken Crain. Mr. Swank indicated he was prepared for only one wedding per year. If Karen and Tami were to be married in the same year, there must be a double wedding. This became the final result. G.J. walked down the aisle twice on the same day: June 22, 1958.

The Wedding

Sixty years may destroy more synapses than they retain. Memories without written notes tend toward being nonexistent. Thus, it is for my wedding in Sandusky, Ohio on Sunday, June 22, 1958.

I know I did not stay in the Swank house on Erie Blvd. I probably appeared at some out-of-the-way hotel or motel on Friday, at the height of the tourist season for Cedar Point. My parents would not arrive for the big day until Sunday morning, along with my uncle and aunt, Bill and Ada Moransky, the only relatives who would attend. My Aunt Rose had convinced all of the others that they would surely go to hell, or at the very least be ex-communicated, if they dared to attend my wedding in the First Congregational Church. Since my Uncle Bill had been tossed out of the Church many years ago when he married Ada, their non-Catholic presence was both “allowable” and a very welcomed sight.

I did not anticipate that any friends from either Niles or Kent would be in attendance. The wedding invitations had been limited to family, family acquaintances, and a very few of Karen’s and my personal friends. Ken Kalish, my best man and fraternity brother, who risked his own excommunication on my behalf, was there for the bachelor’s party on Saturday evening at some unremembered suite in the location where we were staying. Actually, a more grammatically correct reference might be bachelors’ party, since there were two bachelors: me and Ken Crain, who would be marrying Karen’s sister, Tami, at the same ceremony, on the following afternoon, to be presided over by Rev. Peters.

I do remember that there was, indeed, a party – but none of the details about it. I do recall that brother Kalish did get me more inebriated than I had ever been either before or after that particular celebration. I have never felt more hung-over than I did on that Sunday morning. I believe I was sober by the time I said my vows in the afternoon.

Reverend Peters had never performed a double wedding, but everyone there believed I did marry Karen and that Ken Crain married Tami. At least their father, G.J. Swank, had escorted each of his daughters down the aisle separately and placed each beside the appropriate, waiting groom. Libby and Ken, our witnesses, stood next to where Karen and I would be placed. The other maid-of-honor and best-man attended Tami and my brother-in-law-to-be. In sequence, we repeated the words offered by Rev. Peters for our vows. The ceremony was brief; we adjourned to the basement in the church for our mutual reception with punch and cake.

Given the photographs that appear in our joint wedding album, I know I was introduced to Karen’s grandfather and several aunts and uncles from out-of-town. The brides were photographed in their identical wedding gowns. Each couple cut a slice from their individual, but identical, wedding cakes and fed one another a bite.

I had a serious “talking-to” from Karen’s father; at least that’s how the informal picture of the three of us is usually interpreted. Finally, Karen changed into a pink traveling suit, and we left the church for my gift-packed Ford. With waves of many kinds, we drove off towards Ashtabula and our overnight honeymoon before heading back to Ithaca, New York and the beginning of the next six decades of our life together.

The Honeymoon

Most couples head off to an island for their honeymoon. Our romantic stop was not on an island but, rather, at the “Knoll,” a well-worn motel outside of Ashtabula, Ohio. That was all we could afford and had time for. I had to be back at graduate school by Tuesday morning. That Sunday evening was very pleasant, but not overly exciting. The complete honeymoon awaited us in Ithaca, New York, where it lasted for several months. The initial phase, however, did include an unplanned overnight visit at a somewhat better motel outside of Brecksville, near Cleveland, on our first Thanksgiving, together.

After our June wedding, the first break I had in classes was the long Thanksgiving weekend in late November. We were obligated to visit both sets of parents in Ohio. We drove first to Sandusky to see Karen’s mother and father, as well as her sister and brother. Of course, we had to squeeze my parents into the journey, as well.

Early on Thursday afternoon, after the usual holiday dinner, we began our drive on the Ohio Turnpike toward Niles, some 120 miles to the East. After a two-hour drive, we had finally reached the outskirts of Cleveland. A not unusual lakefront snowstorm had accompanied us along the way. The usual preceding ice-storm had made the toll-way impossible to travel without chains on the tires. We left the Turnpike to find a set to purchase and put on the Ford; we would need them for the rest of the winter in the Finger Lakes region of New York, anyway.

Once we had stopped, we decided to stay. We found a large, very acceptable motel near Brecksville and agreed that here we should take the fancy honeymoon we had never had. Being snowed-in can be very romantic. The dinner, wine, and room were more exotic than anything Ashtabula could ever have to offer. Late the next day, we arrived in Niles for a second Thanksgiving dinner, a more enjoyable one than we would have had a day earlier.

To a great extent, we had continued to be on our honeymoon from June through the end of that year in our first apartment in Cayuga Heights, on the outskirts of Ithaca. The basement apartment had a combined living room and kitchen, divided by a counter, and a large bedroom. Although it was technically a “basement,” the large window for this ground-floor retreat allowed a view of a picturesque yard with fall foliage. It was here we took on the role of newlyweds, learning their joys and skills.

It was also here that we had our first real argument – with harsh words and tears. Our landlady had allowed us to store our suitcases and a few other items in a common, basement storage area, adjoining our apartment. Our possessions were located directly beneath her bathroom. One morning, when I happened to look for something I thought might have been stored with our suitcases, I opened the door into the storage room and observed a brown sludge dripping onto our Samsonite. I immediately erupted with a litany of cusswords that surprised Karen to no end. She bawled me out for using them. I maintained I had been forced into the display and had reacted as I had always done, even though never before in her presence.

One statement led to another and there we were, arguing not over spilled milk but some unknown substance that neither one of wanted to know, but recognized had to be cleaned up. No doubt, that’s when the next stage of being newlyweds on their honeymoon began.

First Apartments

Ithaca, New York, probably had more than three areas: College Town and the University, Downtown Ithaca, and Cayuga Heights, but these were our three places for new adventures. Without a formal honeymoon we had to make do with what we had.

Most of my life, in my first year at Cornell, had been centered on the University and its nearby College Town. I had examined every shop and eating place in the half dozen square blocks at the edge of the campus and reexamined them when Karen finally joined my life there.

We did expand our restaurants to include Downtown places, from dives to the Victoria, an Italian restaurant where fancy meals were planned for special occasions. When we moved from the Heights to West Shore Drive, we found Obie’s Diner near the Inlet to Lake Cayuga, in the folds of Ithaca’s underbelly. (We later moved only a few blocks away, on Floral Avenue.) Obie’s was famous for its hamburger with a fried egg and melted cheese on top.

Our stop for a late-night drive was the Ithaca Bakery, which, at that time, sold only bread, with a fragrance that could seduce any student within a mile’s radius. We usually carried a loaf home and consumed a smaller, freshly baked one on the way back to our apartment.

Inexpensive, newlywed entertainment routinely consisted of a movie at one the four theaters in Ithaca: the “Near-Near,” the “Near-Far,” the “Far-Near” and the “Far-Far” – named as a result of their distances from the University. After a movie, we might stop at Willard Straight Hall, the student union building, for coffee and late-night, student-originated entertainment. At the time, we did not appreciate that two or three years later, Pete Yarrow would become one-third of the “Peter, Paul and Mary” folk group, but we did enjoy listening to his personal gig there in the Ivy Room, the place for eating and for drinking gallons of coffee.

The Straight was also the place where Karen worked – upstairs, in the Student Affairs Office, as a secretary. Given the supply of potential teachers among faculty wives, it was impossible for student wives to be hired in the local high school. Her hours there each day, until our daughter was born, brought in the extra money for our honeymoon luxuries. My $300/month pay as a teaching assistant in biochemistry went toward our daily living expenses.

Although it was convenient living in Cayuga Heights and its nearby cluster of shops and groceries, we began looking for a “quaint” apartment. In the fall of 1958, Karen and I moved from our small apartment in the Heights to another one on West Shore Drive along the Lake. We now resided in a very romantic spot overlooking the water that lapped at the dock twenty feet below the edge of the property owned by the Ripley’s, who managed the local VW dealership. At the time, I even enjoyed the long climb up the stairs between the lake and our wooded landscape. It had been a magnificent autumn for our honeymoon year. We had a fireplace in our ground-floor apartment. Winter, however, was settling in; the fireplace burned every evening.

We may not have had a week-long honeymoon on an Island in the Pacific or in the Carribean, but we finally had our own romantic hideout, and for a longer time than many couples could take for a formal honeymoon.

Left Turns

I had “left-the-Church,” doctrinally in June of 1958. The event occurred when Karen and I married in the First Congregational Church of Sandusky. On the other hand, I had become a “lapsed Catholic” several years before, while I was a student at Kent State University. The process had begun during my Freshman year. It was not a problem during the time Karen and I dated, at least not for us. Her parents were concerned I might, somehow, be a crypto-Catholic. That was not really the case. Yes, on occasion, I did attend Mass with college friends and may have considered myself to be a “cultural” Catholic, but not really a “believer.”

After our marriage, we continued to attend a Catholic Mass in the Sage Chapel of the Anabel Taylor Hall at Cornell. At the time, I thought it was interesting that the Anabel Taylor Hall housed the department of religion and the adjoining Myron Taylor Hall, the Law School.

The Chapel in Anabel Taylor was truly interdenominational. The “stage” area of the Chapel consisted of a turntable that could be rotated to reveal a Catholic altar, a Jewish bema, or a Protestant worship space depending upon the day and time of a service. I preferred observing the Mass, and Karen was willing to accompany me, since we both still believed in a Trinitarian God. It was also beneficial to both of us that the Director for the Newman Club was Fr. Donald Cleary, an ex-military chaplain and magnificent homilist. Even though I could not receive Communion, I enjoyed the weekend service we attended.

This was before the “left turn” in our lives.

In late summer, Karen and I had gone on a drive in the surrounding countryside. We always enjoyed the views of the hills of the Finger Lakes of Upstate New York and any opportunity to spend a few hours sightseeing the lakes and waterfalls of the region. One weekend, we were not too far from our new apartment on West Shore Drive when a car with an elderly diver approached us. He was returning home after a long trip and attempting his final turn into his driveway. However, being momentarily distracted, he turned directly into the front of our Ford which was about to pass him in the opposite direction.

Karen recalled the damage as being slight. I remembered an insurance reimbursement of about a thousand dollars. Fortunately, we agreed that neither of us suffered any significant physical harm. However, the incident did lead to a question and response that completely changed our lives over the next sixty years.

Karen wanted to know if I believed that, if I had died in the accident, would I go to heaven or to hell. Being raised by first-generation American parents who grew up in the traditional European cultures of Catholicism, I responded that, yes, I believed I would probably go to hell. Several years later, following what came to be known as the Second Vatican Council, my response might have been different. But the past is the past, and the future was not yet the present. Karen said she could not accept this negative result. She said we should be “remarried” in the Catholic Church. She did not want my belief to stand in the way of our union.

Technically we did not need to be “remarried,” rather, our marriage required that it be “convalidated” within the Church. We met with Fr. Cleary. Karen agreed to become a Catholic. We exchanged our vows taken in the presence of Fr. Cleary and two witnesses, Josie and Mario Marini, who had become close friends. Mario held a postdoctoral position in the Biochemistry Department. The event took place on September 26, 1958; our daughter was born exactly one year later. We continued to celebrate our marriage on June 22, but Deborah’s birthday has retained a double meaning for us to this day.

A car turns at the wrong moment and two lives turn at the right time.

Falling Volkswagen

Late in the early winter of our first year as newlyweds, we bought a used Volkswagen bug from our landlord, who owned the local dealership, to replace the Ford which had been repaired a short time before. Although we were able to drive the rehabilitated vehicle, the Fairlane, from its first days, had major electrical problems. It, also, had limited gasoline milage and unlimited ongoing costs that grew rapidly. Mr. Ripley offered us a good exchange for turning the old black-and-white-four-door into a small, gray bug.

It was a real challenge learning how to drive a manual-shift car on the hills of Ithaca. On the way back from the dealer, a fellow graduate student sitting next to me, worked the handbrake while I managed the clutch and footbrake. It took several hours of gear-stripping before I could manage most of the streets in College Town. It was much easier along West Shore Drive.

Then came January 2 of 1959. The bug, we called “Fritz,” was located in a one-car garage at the bottom of a long driveway leading up a hill to the main highway. The garage was perpendicular to the driveway. The driveway was coated with thick ice, not uncommon in Ithaca for much of the year. We needed a running start to get up the hill to the road. We believed the only way to get the car into position would be to push it out, by hand, from the garage to the bottom of the driveway. After all, the bug did not weigh very much and would be easy to push and maneuver into a position for that running start.

This procedure worked for the first three feet or so. However, when the tires came in contact with the ice outside of the garage, the vehicle continued to move backwards. We had forgot about momentum.

Somehow, I was behind “Fritz” as his slightly turned steering wheel caused him to head rapidly toward an eight-foot drop-off beside the garage. I have never known how I jumped down that cliff to the ground below. Or how the steering wheel had been turned to exactly the right position to allow “Fritz” to be caught by his rear fender on the garage’s foundation and become suspended above me, instead of falling on top of me. There he remained, until a tow-truck hauled him back onto the driveway, and we made the needed running start to get to the main road. The adventure cost only $6.00 for the tow and the repair to the fender – much cheaper than would have been the payment for broken bones or worse!

A short time later, Karen and I were driving “Fritz” back to Ohio for a visit. We pulled into a rest-stop, along the New York Thruway, for a lunch break. Afterwards, as we were leaving, we noticed that the bug had a flat tire for the wheel which had been trapped by the concrete that had supported the corresponding fender in January. We managed to drive the vehicle into the service section of the rest-stop. A few moments later, a well-dressed gentleman with a thick German accent came up to us. He said: “I am from Volkswagen. Can I help you?” We explained the tire needed to be replaced and what we thought had been the cause for its collapse. He responded: “Och, the company does not replace tires. That is up to you. Auf Wiedersehen!” A VW engineer may be everywhere, but not necessarily with a free tire.

Money and Moves

Sooner or later every young couple has to realize that their economic honeymoon must end. Our realization came about six months after we were married; it arrived in January of 1959. We recognized we were going broke, or at least, rapidly heading in that direction. We considered our options.

I held a teaching assistantship which paid me a token amount for instructing students in their biochemistry laboratory classes. Karen earned a pittance as a secretary at The Straight. Having examined our budget, we considered moving to a less expensive apartment. Our current rental on West Shore Drive was a very extravagant $100 per month.

We even discussed the possibility of my taking a leave-of-absence for a year so that we could both move back to Ohio and get full-time teaching positions as we had once prepared to do. I was positive I would return a year later and continue seeking a Ph.D., although we knew of situations where the time-to-return to graduate school never arrived.

We thought we needed a more immediate solution, pending any major decisions about my career alternatives. We had to move, preferably into town; the 5.6-mile commute to the campus was becoming a real hardship, especially with the oncoming return of a typical Ithaca winter of ice, snow and slush. Given the low temperatures, I was never positive Fritz would turn over each morning and whether I would be forced to get to the lab on foot.

Classes resumed as did our routine, to which we now added searches in the town and collegiate newspapers of ads for rentals. We thought we might have found one for an apartment near the campus, until we discovered the cost to be $105 per month; this would be a 3 percent jump from the frying pan into the fire. Then we answered an ad for a basement rental on Floral Avenue at a cost of $15 per week, a savings of $400 per year in our current budget.

The rooms were small (as usual). They included a separate bedroom, living room and kitchen. The bathroom was located in a different part of the basement so that, in order to use the facility, we would need to pass through the landlord’s space where he had a pool-table. We also acknowledged the house, owned by a local cab driver, was on the Inlet into the Lake and in the middle of what amounted to be the slum area of Ithaca. There were three other student couples residing in the same house. We decided to take it. Karen became an expert in shooting pool.

We lived in that house for the remainder of our life in Ithaca, although, later, we moved into a second-floor apartment. We gave up the shared poolroom for a shared bathroom and a shared hallway connecting our new apartment with that of another couple.

Now that the decision had been made to move into town and to delay any leave-of-absence, we had the opportunity for another financial disagreement. The midterm break was rapidly approaching. Karen wanted to use the time in order to visit her sister, Tami, who was living with her husband, Ken, in Rome, New York. Karen proposed we might also spend a day in nearby Syracuse. I wanted to devote the free time to a catch up for the study-time I had missed during the Christmas holiday. Karen felt this would not be a vacation for her, and we both really needed one. With the move to Floral Avenue coming up, we finally decided we could use this time to settle into our new apartment, as well as save a few dollars.

While we were discussing how we might spend the upcoming break, I had to pay for the first quarter of our hospitalization insurance. That additional expenditure confirmed our need to eliminate our travel to upstate New York. I never did get to visit either Rome or Syracuse while living in Ithaca. Moreover, neither did we get to use the maternity benefits of our hospitalization policy; our daughter, Debbie, was born within the next nine months, days before this part of the insurance became effective.

Instead of travel to either the modern or ancient cities of Rome and Syracuse, we settled on dinner at the Victoria Restaurant and a movie with Ros Russell as “Auntie Mame.” As a result, our personal motto became: “How bleak is our puberty!”

Deb’s Birth and Our Early Years Together

Our daughter, Deborah Lynne, was born on September 26, 1959, in Tompkins County Hospital in Ithaca, New York. I fell in love with her, immediately. But several adjustments were needed along the way.

The first adjustment occurred on her arrival at our Floral Avenue apartment. Growing up as an only child, I had never held a newborn in my arms. Suddenly, as we were driving home in Fritz, I realized I would have to hold our child, while Karen maneuvered herself out of the bug. There was no alternative to the anticipated action. Somehow, I did it. I held my daughter for the very first time. Back then, fathers were excluded from the birthing process; they looked through the glass but had a very limited opportunity for any direct handling. It was, obviously, not the last time I held her.

All parents in the fifties relied upon Dr. Spock and his Baby and Child Care, the Bible consulted every day, during the months following the birth of a first child. Parents required at least two kids in order to confirm that almost everything they experienced was normal: including crying. Crying every night. Crying for no observable reason. Crying that could not be stopped. Crying that might be alleviated, slightly, with movement. Movement. Carrying an infant for hours every evening, while pacing from the tiny bedroom through the tiny living room, with its lime-green walls, into the tiny kitchen with whitewashed drainage pipes crossing the ceiling – and back again – and again. Dr. Spock called it “Periodic Irritable Crying.” Karen and I called it the hellish walk of new parents. Dr. Spock claimed the condition would self-correct at about three months of age. It did!

Our life became more manageable after those first three months. It was about then that we moved from our basement apartment to one on an upper floor. Our new bedroom was large enough to accommodate Debbie’s crib and the living room had space for her playpen. The disadvantage was that, to get from one to the other, we had to pass through a hallway we shared with Peter and Linda Jackson. They used the same common space to get from their living room to their own kitchen. At least our kitchen joined our living room. We shared a common bathroom. Somehow, Karen was the one who cleaned it. Linda never had the time, and, of course, neither Peter nor I had ever been trained to do anything like that. During the next two years, Karen, for a small stipend, also tended Michelle, the Jackson’s daughter, while Linda worked somewhere outside the apartment. Peter was also a student, an undergraduate.

Judy and Larry Lazarevitch moved into our old apartment. Larry later changed his name to “Hudson,” in honor of the car he loved. Another student couple had a first-floor apartment. The eight of us would gather together at least once a week for an exciting evening of Monopoly and popcorn. If anything was left from our student budgets, we might also drink a beer or two. Entertainment was merry and cheap for Cornellians in the nineteen-fifties.

Our hobbies were few. We did manage to buy a semi-dilapidated, black coffee table onto which we glued white, red, and yellow tiles in a modernistic pattern. It occupied our time. So did reading: biochemistry for me; mysteries for Karen. We constructed bookshelves from red bricks and pine boards.

Other brief recollections I have of our hours together were also about periods that were free-of-charge. For example, our bedroom was in the front of the house, overlooking the major street leading out from Ithaca towards the north. It was located at the exact spot where every passing truck shifted into the next gear either entering or exiting the town. I spent many evening hours counting trucks rather than sheep.

We were allowed to use the landlord’s front foyer for mail delivery but were not permitted to mount the inside stairs to the upper floors, since they passed through the domain of the landlord and landlady. Those student couples who lived in the house used the back doors and a semi-covered, outdoor staircase with its own challenges created by Ithaca’s changing weather patterns. However, this external passageway did give us access to the Inlet, frozen in winter, where late-residing geese would march up and down with their own frozen tail feathers clinking on the ice they transversed. During the unfrozen time of the year, our landlord might take us on his motorboat, usually docked on the Inlet, for a fast ride across the Lake.

Viewing Lake Cayuga was among the pleasant, inexpensive ways to pass the free time occasionally available to a young couple with a young child. The town park at the southern edge of the Lake had a favorite place for Debbie to play on swings and red-wooden horses, and to view animals in a small, domestic zoo. However, her favorite animal was “Meow,” a white, stuffed toy kitten with real-life fur which wore off to yield a bald critter she carried by its tail until she was given a very small suitcase for this purpose. On the other hand, “Meow” did have less hair than its owner possessed. For her early years, Deb wore headbands and flower-clips to reinforce that the cute, round face did belong to an adorable little girl. A series of Christmas card photos, and others now stored in an electronic achieves, confirms this non-biased viewpoint.

The time of our days in Ithaca passed neither too slowly nor too rapidly. We enjoyed our leisure where and when it could be found. Debbie learned to crawl, stand and walk. We did the same.

Ph.D. in Biochemistry

After two years of academic studies in classrooms and lecture halls, the time arrived for the initiation of my research toward a doctoral dissertation. Without any significant problems I had managed to pass the German exam for the first of the two language requirements for Graduate School. To the discomfort of the French department, I had audited a course in Scientific French and passed my examination in that Romance language, which was so similar to the Latin I had studied for four years in high school. I could not pronounce any words in French, but all a graduate student had to do was to be able to translate a passage into understandable, written English.

I also passed my qualifying examination, although my three faculty advisors did allow me to get off to a terrible start by refusing to accept my structure for benzene until I had its resonance bonds to their liking. There may be similarities in qualifying for an advanced degree and pledging a fraternity!

During those academic years, I completed the required biology classes I had missed as an undergraduate. Radiation biology, offered by the College of Veterinary Medicine located on the outer edge of the campus, provided me with useful technology for my research and a chance, on a daily schedule, to run the mile to it from a biology class on the Arts and Sciences campus.

Several new faculty members were added to the department during my early years at Cornell. They were Martin Gibbs, a plant biochemist working on photosynthesis, George Hess in protein structure, and Lemuel Wright who had discovered (and patented) mevalonic acid, even though it was a natural molecule needed in the biosynthesis of lipids, especially cholesterol and related steroids.

A fourth biochemist was also newly affiliated with the department and the Federal Nutrition Laboratory associated with the College of Agriculture. His name was Dr. Robert Holley. I had the opportunity to work as a research assistant in his Fed-Nut lab for a summer and earn some spare money ($375.00!) for the effort. His research involved transfer-RNA, which he showed was part of the biosynthesis of proteins that used DNA as their templates. (In 1968, he was co-awarded a Noble Prize in Physiology and Medicine for his work in the area.)

In the early 1960’s the recent elucidation of the spiral structure of DNA seemed overly complex for me to continue work with Dr. Holley. The biochemistry of lipids, especially of steroids, seemed more reasonablely aligned with my interests in endocrinology. I chose Dr. Wright as my mentor and began my research study toward a dissertation entitled: “The Biosynthesis of Cholesterol in the Developing Chick Embryo.” My research did not yield any world-shaking discoveries, but I did publish the results in the Journal of Lipid Research (October 1962; vol. 3, no. 4, pp 416-420.)

Egg yolk had large amounts of cholesterol (as known by anyone who consumed eggs). The view had been held that the developing chick embryo used this stored molecule rather than synthesizing it during its development; I found that this was not the case. Within a week of its fertilization, the embryo synthesized its own cholesterol from the carbon-14 labeled mevalonic acid I had injected into newly laid eggs. For several years after beginning my work, I was somewhat personally concerned about the potential incorporation of this radioactive molecule into my own steroids. Needless to say, I was very careful to follow the required protocols while exposed to any of the materials I handled.

Although the research, itself, was not earthshaking, it was enjoyable – most of the time. I even brought home a few of the non-injected control peeps that had hatched and raised them in our landlord’s garage. It was during this home experience that I really learned just how stupid chickens can be. Our landlord enjoyed receiving the grown birds for his own dinner preparation.

I also had to “candle” each egg to determine if it had been truly fertilized. To this day, I enjoy eating eggs but cannot abide any that have a blood spot. Fortunately, few modern-day eggs have that problem, one which did exist decades ago. When I began the study, I had not realized the additional effort that would be required of me to incubate fertilized eggs until the chick was born. Not being a farm-boy, I did not know that the sitting-hen kept moving her eggs beneath her so that the developing embryo would not adhere to the inside of the shell. Dr. Wright was unwilling to purchase an incubator capable of shifting the eggs automatically. Graduate student labor was much less expensive. On a recurring schedule, I had to turn the trays holding the eggs, if I wanted the embryos to live.

The action of substituting for a nesting hen occurred even at midnight (as well as in the morning and mid-afternoon, reasonable times when I would be working in the laboratory.) Meanwhile, I had instructed all of the biochemistry graduate students, who were close friends, on how to turn incubating eggs. I called the lab about midnight every day of the week to ask for help from any of them who might be working in their labs at that hour, a time not uncommon for graduate students to be engaged in their own research protocols. If no one answered the telephone, I made the drive up the hill to Savage Hall to do my own turning. Dr. Wright was not pleased when I gave my thanks to helpful graduate students in the dedication/appreciation segment of my formal dissertation. It was the least I could do. On a winter’s evening, there was little enjoyment in a thirty-minute-midnight-drive to the campus for a three-minute action of playing the role of a pseudo-hen.

I shared my laboratory space with Howard Elford, a young man from Chicago who had the appearance and voice of a Midwestern gangster. He was as interested in stocks and bonds as he was in biochemistry and could have been as successful in finance as in biochemistry. Recently, Howie had discovered a new industry in which to invest, and he did so, putting as much as he could into this company, he believed would provide a very worthwhile service and opportunity. The name of the company was Xerox.

Both Karen and I should have agreed with his viewpoint. I wrote my dissertation in longhand on yellow tablets from notes recorded in the usual, bound volumes demanded for all scientific data. Karen typed the pages on a primitive Royal typewriter – original and two carbon copies. Mis-typed products were retyped; “white out” was used judiciously. She claimed I ruined her spelling. I was never able to spell common words correctly. She could rely on my scientific vocabulary as being correct, but not on anything else. Thank God, as an English major, she was a great proofreader.

It was also during this period that I learned how to organize materials obtained from research journals. I faithfully used McBee cards, the manual technology preceding the use of computer cards for the storage of data. The system consisted of index-like cards with two rows of holes around their edges. With a special hand-tool for notching them, I devised a code to correspond to the bibliographical information for all of the scientific journal articles I had to read. A knitting-needle positioned through the holes or notches, allowed me to shake down or retain the cards I needed. In creating the code system of holes and notches, I learned the methodology later used for IBM computer cards and all that followed. This experience probably added more to my informational and organizational development than did all of the biochemical pathways I studied.

Following my defense of my dissertation, I deposited the original and a carbon-copy with the Graduate School and the Cornell Library. I accomplished this event a few days before my twenty-sixth birthday; I could claim I was twenty-five years old when I earned my Ph.D. The second carbon-copy exists somewhere in my closet.

In June 1961, I was formally awarded my Ph.D., dressed in my rented, doctoral gown with its blue trim. I wore the Cornellian Red and White hood Karen had bought for me for the occasion. I have worn it at other college commencements during my remaining, academic lifetime. It’s packed away in some dresser drawer, after its original use sixty years ago.

Cornell University

I’ve mentioned aspects of the University and the Town where I spent four intensive years of academic study, three years of a wonderful beginning with Karen, and the first two years of Deb’s life with us. We have returned only once during the following six decades. The five of us, Ken and Chris were added in the meantime, spent an enjoyable two-week vacation on Lake Cayuga in the summer of 1976, the last one before we moved from Amherst to Houston.

Cornell, itself, is a picturesque, ivy-league university, although some wags refer to it as the “poison ivy” of the ivy-league. That put-down is undeserved. Cornell is a mixture of the many forms a university may take. The institution was founded, in 1865, as both a private university and the public Agriculture and Mechanical (A&M) school for the State of New York. The Biochemistry department was part of the College of Agriculture; its fees were in line with those of other state universities. However, most of the formal classes I took were in the private College of Arts and Sciences. So, I received the best of both worlds, financially and academically.

The architecture of the college was, also, an amalgamation of Gothic collegiate, Victorian, neoclassic and modern styles. The view from “Libe Slope,” between The Straight and the Library, overlooking the dormitories on the brow of the hill and Lake Cayuga at its foot, was magnificent in every season. In winter, it was the perfect site for undergraduate sledding on trays swiped from the on-campus dining halls. The surrounding quads were guarded by the usual ivy-covered buildings for the sciences, humanities and engineering. Much of my academic class-time was spent there. However, most of my daytime and nighttime hours were taken up by my research in Savage Hall, which housed both Biochemistry and Nutrition.

The graduate student office for budding biochemists was a large room lined with desks and bookshelves for each one of us. Given the communal nature of this office, I seldom remained there to study. As a graduate student, I was able to have a carrel assigned to me in the Mann Library which served the College of Agriculture. It’s there. I found the peace and quiet to study and to read the journals published in the field of biochemistry. Computer searches and the Internet were in the far distant future. Back in Savage Hall, the lab I shared with Howie had a workbench on each side of an aisle wide enough to accommodate one-and-one-half investigators. We usually worked there on different schedules. It was not the place to study, but only to inject and incubate eggs and dissolve products in ether or acetone.

Much of my leisure time, especially during my first year before Karen joined me, was filled by reading science fiction in a comfortable, wing-backed chair in the library of The Straight, which could have been used for an English collegiate setting.

During my first months at Cornell, I made a daily hike from my room in College Town and across Cascadilla Gorge to Savage. The bridge over the gorge afforded another panoramic view, straight down as well as across. Winter snows made the journey difficult but wonderful for sightseeing, if only I had the time to stop and look. After I had moved from an apartment in College Town to one in the Heights, I crossed the other gorge bordering the north edge of the campus. I often stopped at a small coffee shop there, with a view of Beebe Lake and its falls. The coffee shop’s free match books carried the motto: “best by a dam site.” This was a great place for a cup of coffee and a cigarette on my walk from the lab to my car, parked on one of the winding neighborhood streets.

I had the daily challenge of trying to remember exactly where I had parked, since I had to find a different location each day. I was tempted to put a pin in a campus map to remind me on which street I might find the snow drift under which my car would be hidden each evening. It would have been much easier, memory-wise, to use Kite Hill, the only on-campus parking lot for non-faculty cars. This location required a longer journey. It was not uncommon for me, in midwinter, to take a shortcut through one of the buildings on the way in order to thaw out a bit before getting into a car that never seemed to warm up.

Unfortunately, I seldom strolled the campus for leisure. The quads were worthy of such action, but time was not available for a scurrying grad student to slow down, unless there was an opportunity to eat ice cream, in the summertime. The Dairy department in the College of Agriculture constantly tried to formulate new mixtures and offered free cones to those willing to take part in a taste comparison. The investigators were especially interested in an apple-flavored variety, since this combination was extremely difficult to create as a unique flavor resembling what was consumed as classical apple-pie-alamode.

Another major contribution of the Dairy department was the development, in conjunction with a Swedish company, of the “tetra pac” for milk or cream poured into my cup of coffee. The trick was trying to open the appropriate corner of the tetrahedron without popping milk (or cream) all over your hands and everything within a three-foot radius.

The town of Ithaca was a typical upstate, small town, where Karen and I seldom shopped. Almost all of what we needed could be found in College Town, even groceries purchased on our trips between Floral Avenue on the Inlet and the campus on the top of the hill. The purchase of furniture waited until we had our first real apartment in Hanover, New Hampshire. Graduate students made do with what could be found in the usual furnished apartment. A crib, a playpen, a toddler’s eating table and a swivel, and a red-padded rocker were the only items of note we purchased. They lasted throughout several moves, even cross-country.

Although I enjoyed the ambience of the town and the university, along with the Finger Lakes we sometimes visited, I was anxious to graduate and continue my academic life elsewhere. I admit I did have a faint hope of returning someday as a member of the faculty. Later, when my interests became more in tune with academic administration, I did apply for a position as the Dean of Research there and visited the campus for interviews. They chose a woman administrator, instead.

Academic Auction Block

Each spring, if you had a freshly minted doctorate in the biological sciences, you became a potential candidate for the annual auction block. The major auction was held at the meetings of the Federation of American Scientists in Experimental Biology (FASEB) in Atlantic City. The purpose given for these meetings was not to find a job but to present a scientific research paper in one of the areas represented by some two-dozen scientific societies, one of which was the American Society of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. And so, in April 1961, I ventured to the Board Walk in New Jersey and its convention center which, at the time, was the only one large enough to accommodate several thousand researchers at the same event.

As did other graduate students, I heard many lectures on biochemistry, a field which mixed together chemists and biologists of all stripes and conditions. It was difficult to tell the difference between a biochemical-microbiologist and a microbiological-biochemist, let alone an organic chemist and a biochemist. Sixty years ago, these distinctions did not matter as much as they might today. Back then, a common language was spoken and understood by the vast majority of those in related fields. Today, biochemical grammars, dialects and vocabularies differ between geneticists and virologists, for example, as much as they might among French, Italian and Spanish linguists.

At the time I was searching for an academic position in which a common biochemical tongue was spoken. The problem, however, was that few academic institutions wanted to hire faculty who did not speak an advanced version of my new language. Instead of hiring junior faculty members, most of them wanted to engage postdoctoral fellows, paid for by federal training grants. The usual yearly stipend amounted to $6,000. However, as a “stipend,” instead of a “salary,” the funds were tax-free for federal income tax purposes. This amount was certainly better than the $300 per month stipend for a graduate fellowship or assistantship that I had been receiving.

I had fifteen-minute interviews with representatives from several institutions. (Speed-dating for millennial couples was invented much later, and probably was based on his employment model.) My preference leaned toward an opening for an Instructor in the biochemistry department at the University of Vermont Medical School; it paid $7,000 a year. But no offer was made. Postdoctoral positions with the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation and with the Texas Tech College in Lubbock sounded interesting, but who would really choose to move to that part of the country for advanced education? I did not receive any help from Dr. Wright, my own mentor, who spent most of his time in his hotel room in Atlantic City as a result of food poisoning, he had picked up his first night at the FASEB meetings.

I finally accepted a postdoctoral training-grant fellowship with Lucile Smith, Ph.D., in the Biochemistry Department at the Dartmouth Medical School in Hanover, New Hampshire. I would have to change my field of research and was not sure how Dr. Wright would accept this upon our return to Ithaca. On the other hand, it was my future and I had to choose between continuing in lipid research, especially cholesterol, and a new endeavor in something called “electron transport,” the biochemical methodology for the transformation of molecular energy from glucose so that it could be used for all of the other processes found in living organisms. Although I knew nothing of the intimate details of the process, I believed I could, over the next few years, learn a lot about an enzyme called “cytochrome oxidase.” And I did.

A Smelly Move

Couples have very little stuff to move for their first real home after marriage. That was certainly true for us when we transferred from the one-bedroom apartment of a graduate student at Cornell to a two-bedroom duplex of a postdoctoral fellow at Dartmouth Med. We thought that two trips in our new microbus might accomplish the move. We had traded in our gray VW bug in the spring of 1961 for an expanded VW caterpillar which was pale green and yellow. There was plenty of space, once the middle seat had been removed, certainly enough for a few pieces of furniture and boxes of clothes and stuffed toys Debbie had already begun to accumulate. We looked forward to a shared duplex in Hanover that would be available in June, with the ending of the academic year, when junior faculty would be moving on to the next stages of their own careers.

Technically, the position of a postdoctoral fellow was not a real faculty position; those started with an appointment as an Instructor. We were entitled, however, to rent a partially furnished duplex at the Rivercrest apartments on Lyme Road. The complex housed, primarily, beginning faculty and fellows, at a very reasonable cost. The units were located only a few miles from the medical school, well within walking distance if required. Karen did not drive at the time and so the likelihood was that I, myself, would commute to the lab each day.

Since none of the apartments would be available until turnover time in June, we would need to store our limited belongings somewhere in Hanover. Dr. Lafayette Noda, chairman of the Biochemistry department at Dartmouth Med, kindly offered the use of his barn on his farm in the village of Enfield, near Hanover. He had a wonderful house built in the 1700s, where he and his wife, Mayme, lived with their children. I was envious. It would be a dream to reside in a restored dwelling, dating back to colonial times. We gratefully left our first load of stuff with him.

However, we should have arrived on our final journey to his farm one day earlier than we did. The night before our second arrival in June, his dog had chased a skunk into the barn. The black and white critter stood his ground; his presence would last for the first month of our life in New Hampshire.

We were able to transfer our boxes to our new duplex, where their contents remained inside only at night. Every morning, we hauled much of our clothing and stuffed materials, our daughter’s toys, out to the yard. There they sat in the bright, warm sun of a summer’s day in New England. Each evening, they were carried back into the apartment, the door of which was kept open most of the time. We never did find out what our new neighbors thought about our actions. We did not ask. Ultimately, sunlight did its job and we were able to reacquire most of our clothing and Debbie’s toys. Fortunately, there is little rain in the Connecticut valley in June.

The duplex held the mandatory two families. Fortunately for our sharing family, the units were not side-by-side but joined back-to-back. Our front doors were not close; neither were the other units located at Rivercrest. We never really did get to know any of the young families living near us. Perhaps, our odorous entrance did have an effect. The man living behind us was a junior member of the ROTC faculty. He was addicted to cleanliness and order. Several times a week, especially during the winter, he would remove all of the chrome-work from his car and scour away the dirt and, in particular, the road salt that had collected there, and required his deepest attention.

Our only neighborly interaction in the complex was the result of Pokey, a small beagle we had acquired for Debbie shortly after moving to Hanover. Pokey coveted anything left in the yards of our neighbors. Karen had the daily task of returning items to their owners. We never felt completely welcomed into the Hanover community during our first year. Fortunately, it didn’t last. The following spring, we moved into town.

Life on Lyme Road

There were differences in the life of a graduate student and that of a postdoctoral fellow who was not quite a faculty member. The differences were probably similar to those changes evident in other lifestyles with an evolution from communal living to an independent life. Undergraduates resided in dormitories and fraternity houses. Graduate students rented apartments near other students and spent mutual time in play and in inexpensive social gatherings. Postdoctoral fellows began having a home separated from their friends and acquaintances. This was the path we followed as we settled into our new duplex on Lyme Road on the outskirts of Hanover.

As with any livable structure built in the north, especially in New England, there was a basement, a place not only for storage but also for getting away from others, an opportunity for a few minutes of isolation. Some might have a playroom, family-room, or den. I had a study.

It was not a separate, paneled place for thoughts and scholarly work. Rather, it was constructed by a bamboo screen nailed to three edges of a flat door supported by bricks in order to make a desk. I had an intimate cave thanks to its bamboo walls surrounding me. The desk chair had wheels that kept getting trapped in the corduroy of the throw-rug meant to keep my feet separated from the concrete floor of our cellar. However, an electric floor-heater was still required during most of the year. It was a very comfortable place to read scientific journals in the evening, especially late at night when Karen and Deb were sound asleep in each of the two bedrooms making up our new, four-room apartment.

The grey living room couch was part of our rental furnishings offered by the College. Fortunately, so were the kitchen appliances. We were able to add a television set, one that was huge in its wooden furniture case and small in the size of its screen. We added a brown armchair to the red one we had transferred from Ithaca. A small duplex apartment for a newly funded fellow and his wife and small child does not need much furniture.

And then there was the bed in our own room. We no longer shared sleeping (and crying) quarters with our daughter, who had her own crib in her own room. As for the bed, it had its own long history.

We had spent many vacation hours that summer in Sandusky refinishing the still-usable bedroom furniture Karen’s parents were donating to us. We thought the gallons of turpentine we had used to strip off the old coating would be sufficient preparation for re-staining the wood of the bed’s headboard and footboard. It wasn’t. The result was a very bubbled surface that would not be covered by anything we tried. We finally left the shabby results with her folks for their finding a way to redo the efforts we had endured for the two weeks of our vacation between graduate school and our new life after student-hood.

Our most pleasant and unexpected event while living on Lyme Road was Hanover’s first snow fall. Coming from northeastern Ohio and the Finger Lake region of New York, we had experienced snow – the white stuff that quickly turned to gray sludge and frozen ice banks. Here, in New England, on the morning after a foot of snow had fallen on the hills around us, I drove toward the campus and was overcome by the beauty surrounding me.

The pine trees were blanketed with heavy mantles of white fur. I had never seen a winter’s day with such a magnificent beginning. Being certain that it would melt away as did all of the snow I had viewed over twenty years of my life, I forced myself to return on the neatly plowed road to our apartment where Karen and Deb bundled up to join me with camera in hand to record the true wonderland surrounding us. Karen and I knew it would disappear within a few days as it turned into the usual slush. We were wrong.

The white snow remained as low mountains on the trees and ground of New Hampshire for the next five months! It did not melt. It never turned to frozen, gray stuff but rather remained as fluff – which differs significantly from “stuff.” At last, I had found the true impact of a New England winter shown on every Christmas card based on a Currier and Ives print, but now one in three dimensions extending from white grounds to a clear, blue sky.

There are times, now in Houston, when I long to renew my acquaintance with that stuff. I miss the reds, golds, and yellows of the autumnal hills even more. The sound of leaves crunching under foot and the incense of once-allowed burning leaves may be found only in semi-forgotten memories.

North Park in Hanover

We had moved from Ithaca to Hanover in the summer of 1961 and enjoyed living in our duplex on Lyme Rd for almost a full year. But with spring, there came the time for us to move once more. Although I still technically remained a postdoctoral fellow, Dr. Noda, chairman of the Biochemistry department, thought I might be offered the title of Instructor. It would look good on my resume, even if I were not a full-time member of the faculty. Like others in the department, I taught part of the general biochemistry lectures given to all medical students. As a result of my doctoral work at Cornell, I had been assigned to cover the topic of “lipids.” Cholesterol was only one form of a lipid; but I managed to include all of the regular fats and fatty acids as well as fat-soluble vitamins and phospholipids needed for cellular structures!

In April 1962 we moved to a new apartment building at 10 North Park, a ten-minute walk from the medical school. We now began to develop a life with friends, especially couples residing in our building, as well as several living along the near-by lane where other junior faculty were housed.

Chuck and Jackie Mayer were Canadians who lived in the apartment on the first floor. We lived on the second, along with the Moores. Chuck was in the Business School and Ken Moore was in Pharmacology in the Medical School.

Interestingly, Dartmouth College took great pride in being a College with its Schools, rather than a University composed of Colleges. In 1819, Daniel Webster had defended the independent College concept when the state of New Hampshire had tried to make Dartmouth into a state university.

Other junior faculty from the Biochemistry department lived down the lane from us. Our best friends were Ed and Shirley Westhead; their daughter, Vickie, was our daughter’s best playmate. They would meet on our porch for hours, quite often engaged in a game of argument. One would repeatedly shout “no” in response to the other one shouting “yes.” Then one would say, “Now it’s your turn” and they would reverse who said “yes” and who said “no.”

The Wishnia children were equally interesting, but more provoking. Arnold, their father, spoke to them only in German; their mother only in French. Their parenting concept was that their children would learn English by playing with their peers. The problem came, however, when no other parent could chastise them in English, if discipline were needed because of a childhood confrontation. English, it seems, was the language for play and not for instruction on how to behave. They could be reprimanded only in German or French!

Arnold also had two related foibles his friends tried to appreciate. If he became bored in a conversation at a party in someone’s apartment, he would find a book and curl up in an armchair to pass the time. His reading extended to several languages in books checked out of the college library. When he left Dartmouth, the legend goes, he was requested not to return all of his borrowed books at one time. Meanwhile, potential readers were instructed to contact him directly if they needed something originally checked out to him.

Living in our apartment on North Park was a pleasant experience for me. Although we had a second floor apartment, an external door in my study (I now had a real one!) opened directly onto the adjoining hill. I often escaped for a short walk to the Bema, a student gathering place in the woods surrounding our building. In warm weather, faculty couples living around us would gather for picnics on the lawn around our apartment building. Shared dinners were not uncommon. A communal life was once again being established as it had been done among young families no matter where they lived or how they were employed.

As with almost all couples who comprise early friendships, we never saw them again once we left Hanover, although Ed Westhead was, later, a member of the Biochemistry department at the University of Massachusetts when we lived in Amherst. At one time, I considered him my closest friend and colleague in Hanover. Time, itself, can wear away relationships, unless we make a special effort to preserve them. Weathering can cause mountains to turn into plains. Human decades act in the same way as eons do for stone.

Toddler Toys & Adult Pastimes

Every little girl needs a stuffed toy that is bigger than she is. For Debbie it was a monkey. For adults it could have been a monkey on her back, but for a three-year-old toddler, it was a monkey on her trike. They often took turns riding it or posing on it. This monkey was a critter with a head three times the size of our daughter’s, and with a bright red bowtie. Strangely it had no name. It simply existed, for a brief time at least, and no doubt joined toy donations to other kids somewhere along the way.

The monkey was not another “Meow” – the small stuffed kitten Deb loving carried by its tail or in a small suitcase. Fortunately, she did not attempt to carry “Fluff” the same way. After-all, Fluff was a real kitten that arrived as a replacement for Pokie, the beagle, on our move from the openness of the Rivercrest duplexes to the multiplex apartments of North Park.

It’s also possible the monkey was dismissed in favor of a Chatty Cathy who was far from a silent creature, when Deb pulled her cord eliciting such comments as “I love you” or “Please take me with you.”

She also had a green hobbyhorse to ride, but not to feed nor groom. That came later, when we lived near the stables of the University of Massachusetts in Amherst, but that is another story. For now, our daughter usually remained indoors, wearing slippers with holes where her toes stuck out. It took some effort for her to don a snowsuit to play outdoors for only a short time during a cold, but bright, New Hampshire winter.

The best time in winter was, of course, at Christmas, when our small apartment was decorated with holiday cards scotch-taped to the paneled walls, and stars, made from a complex pattern of red, plastic drinking straws, hung from the high-pitched ceiling. It was later, in Bethesda, Maryland, that these soda-straw stars were joined by wreaths made from IBM punch-cards covered with gilded spray-paint.

Winter, during the bright month of January, was also the time for Dartmouth’s “Winter Carnival,” when students worked for hours, if not days, constructing ice sculptures, admired week-long by the townspeople, as the figures slowly melted into large lumps. The rest of the time, of course, was spent by the Dartmouth men for studying as well as for hiking (often on snowshoes) through the surrounding forests and mountains.

These young men often served as relatively low-paid babysitters. Back then the College, at the undergraduate level, was only for men. Deb seemed to like them as well as the nurses from the Mary Hitchcock Hospital, which served Dartmouth Med as the place for clinical practice. During our brief two years in Hanover, we never had a problem in finding someone to be with her whenever we wanted to take in a movie downtown or a play or a symphony at the new Arts Center next to the Hanover Inn, a great place for dinner, when we could scrape together the funds for an evening out.

With the economic restrictions of a postdoctoral fellow, we more frequently went to Lou’s Restaurant, especially for a Sunday morning breakfast after mass at Saint Bridget’s, a block away. The Green Lantern was another place for an above average dinner-out. The “Agora” in the Arts Center was less expensive, as testified by the Indians who went there for coffee and burgers. The Biochemistry faculty enjoyed the Faculty Lounge in the Arts Center as a place to dine and drink on weekends. Many members, but not us, had reserved bottles of wine for imbibing when dining. We were, indeed, only para-faculty and did not have our own stash but were occasionally allowed as guest-tasters. Our usual parties were held in our apartments on North Park.

It was always pleasant and invigorating, to live in a small college town, especially one like Hanover with its history going back to colonial days. We even celebrated the town’s Bicentennial with its evening fireworks and an afternoon parade around the College Commons with townspeople well-dressed for the 1700s. Several even played on fifes and drums as they marched.

The only social activity, other than partying, was a rare game of tennis. Karen and I owned rackets; the courts were at the end of the lane passing our apartment. She was much better than I would ever be. On the other hand, our true social life in New England had to wait for our return to Amherst Massachusetts a decade later.

Lucile Smith, Ph.D.

Female mentors have always been uncommon, especially in the sciences. That was certainly the case when Dr. Lucile Smith was my mentor or supervisor during my two years of post-doctoral research at Dartmouth Med. Lucile, with only one “L,” was an international expert in a field called “electron transport.” This process was associated with the mitochondria of every cell that used it to transform the biochemical energy found in glucose into usable energy needed by all living cells. Structural elements, consisting mostly of protein-particles called cytochromes, assisted in the production of a biochemical energy form: ATP (adenosine triphosphate). The particular enzyme Lucile and I studied was cytochrome c oxidase, an enzyme isolated from fresh beef hearts.

Every few weeks I made a trip to a slaughter house located in a village about an hour’s drive from Hanover. Although the butchers were accustomed to my request to have a freshly obtained cow heart placed in a bucket of ice, they still were puzzled by why I would want one. Legend has it that other butchers were equally puzzled when Lucile made similar requests during her own graduate work in Rochester, New York. Her undergraduate studies had occurred at Sophie Newcomb, the woman’s college of Tulane University in New Orleans. When she moved to Rochester, she, too, had to go to the local abattoir in search of what she needed: “pig hearts.” Unfortunately, the New York butcher presented her with a large, iced container of “pig hocks,” the result of her Louisiana accent. When I went to my New Hampshire abattoir for beef hearts, I brought back, inexpensive fresh steaks! They were excellent for grilling – even on the porch during mid-winter.

Lucile never lost her southern charm, although her accent did become more “yankeefied.” She did retain, most pleasantly, a southern taste for coffee. Every afternoon, she boiled a pot. The rich ground coffee beans were placed in a kettle along with egg shells and the water brought to a boil, followed by a long simmer. The mixture was poured through a paper filter suspended in a large laboratory-funnel and consumed as hot as possible in lab beakers. The potion made conversation among all of those from adjoining labs to be a very pleasant afternoon interlude.

Another southern habit made Lucile different from all of the male biochemists I knew. Every Friday afternoon she was scheduled for a hair appointment at a local beauty salon. Other than that, there was no professional difference in my having a female mentor. During our two years working together, we published three scientific articles in the “Journal of Biological Chemistry” and in “Biochemistry.”

As my second year was drawing to a close, I had to choose the next step in the development of my academic career. Dr. Noda, the Chairman of our department, was willing to keep me on as an Instructor, but I was not sure this was a “good” idea. Having served as a post-doctoral fellow, I might continue not to appear as a “real” faculty member. I thought it would be better for me to move and, perhaps, to return to Dartmouth Med later in my career.

Lucile encouraged me to join the laboratory of Dr. E.C. Slater, who was the Chair of the Biochemistry Department at the Medical School for the University of Amsterdam in The Netherlands. They were close friends and she was willing to sponsor me with him. I seriously considered the possibility; even if I did not speak Dutch. Karen and I would have had an entirely different future than the one we actually shared, if I had decided to go. The only thing that stopped me was my mother, who was sure she would die if I moved to Europe. She also thought I would be in danger; and this was long before the time of terrorists.

Lucile had another friend, Dr. Tsoo E. King, who was a Professor in the Science Research Institute of the Oregon State University. In an interview with him, he assured me of a faculty position as a Research Assistant Professor in the University. I accepted. Corvallis, Oregon was 2,500 miles from Niles, Ohio; but they were, at least, on the same continent.

Winter 1962

October of 1962 was dark, cold and rainy in Hanover, New Hampshire. It was also the month when the world almost ended. The potential ending began about October 16 with a report from President Kennedy that the Russians were sending missiles to be housed on the island of Cuba. Every evening, we heard more about the possible threat that could launch a war backed by the Soviet Union through armaments, perhaps nuclear weapons, located only moments from our shores. Back then, news coverage was much more limited than the 24/7 reports from today’s television, computer sites and cellphones. News came mainly in the dark of early evening. In between broadcasts, we prayed.

St Bridget was the local Catholic parish for Hanover. The pastor was Fr. Pitts. He kept the Church open and available for private gatherings at all hours. For the days between October 16 and October 28 the pews were well-occupied. I, myself, prayed there on several evenings.

My memories of that fortnight of the October crisis have been greatly limited over the intervening years. Prayer and worried discussions between faculty and students. An inward directedness. I do not recall the details; the photographs of the missile sites on the island have become blurred in my mind’s eye. The announcement that Khrushchev finally agreed to turn the ships away from Cuba remained only in archives, not in my personal memory. Nothing seemed real. It was a fantasy, a terrible nightmare that was present while we were awake. It came and went; we were able to take deep breaths, once more.

October passed into November and then into the bright days of sunshine of December in New England. The snows once more covered the fields and hills around the town. It became more difficult to drive to the top of Moose Mountain where our friends, Ann and Elisha Huggins, lived. But one bright day in mid-December, Karen, Debbie and I were invited to make the sojourn. It was time to get a Christmas tree. What better way to set aside the darkness of October than by cutting down our own tree from a mountain top owned by friends.

The three of us piled into our microbus and with great effort made our way up the very narrow road to a modern log cabin overlooking a green and white valley. However, by the time we started to look at the trees Elisha showed us, dusk had rapidly fallen, and our search was compromised. We did find a pine tree, took a hack saw to it, and tied the tree to the top of our VW. It was not until the next morning, in the light of a new day, that we realized what we had really cut down.

The pine needles seen as deep green in the early evening were now brown and brittle – at least that’s how the remaining ones appeared. The tree was the worst example of any Christmas tree we had ever seen – except, perhaps, the one owned by Charlie Brown. There was no way our attempts at decoration would change its appearance. Karen decided she and our three-year-old daughter should return to the mountain. A call to Elisha and Ann said I would drop the two of them off at the base of the dirt road heading up the mountain. However, on his way to meet them, Elisha’s jeep did not complete one of the turns on the winding road and became stuck in the surrounding snow. Debbie and Karen, who was mid-term with our future son, Ken, climbed up the mountain with Elisha. They found a very acceptable tree; it awaited my arrival, later in the day, with our microbus. We never cut down another tree for Christmas.

However, we did make it back to the Huggins’ log house on Moose Mountain. In April 1963, I was scheduled to present a research paper at the annual meeting of biochemists held in Atlantic City. Karen’s “due date” was over a week away, according to her obstetrician. When I received a telephone message at my hotel on April 18, I was sure friends from Hanover were pulling a prank at my expense. When I finally spoke with Karen, I learned I was the father of a newborn son. I felt like turning cartwheels on the Boardwalk. Lucile had to deliver my research paper, as I drove rapidly back to Hanover. Karen was in Mary Hitchcock Hospital. Debbie was staying with the Huggins’ family on Moose Mountain. We were finally united and ready for the next set of surprises for our expanded family.

The Oregon Trail

As a native Ohioan, I had never planned on moving cross-country from New England to the Pacific Northwest. The potential of a European life for a few years in The Netherlands was also never envisioned during those days at McKinley High School. In fact, nothing which actually occurred in my professional or personal life was foreseeable in those early years. None of my formal job interviews turned into a reality in my life. Everything seemed merely “to have happened.” Put another way: my life has been the result of “Deus vult – God wills it.

In the spring of 1963, following Ken’s birth, I looked for future positions for employment. Although my desire was to remain in academics, I had to consider possible career alternatives. A job in either pharmaceutical or chemical industries could not be dismissed out-of-hand. It was worthwhile for me to travel to the meetings of the American Chemical Society, held that year in Cincinnati, to see what might be available.

Most of the positions available for interviews were for other postdoctoral fellowships. There were practically none for faculty appointments in Chemistry or Biochemistry departments. There were only a few openings for those who wanted to continue in “basic” research. After all, industry was industrial, and Proctor and Gamble made cleaning supplies.

One interview that went very well for me did seem to have a focus on fundamental biochemistry. It was with an organization called the Dugway Proving Company. I actually accepted a tentative position at a very good salary. It was not until I had returned to Dartmouth that I had the opportunity to check more closely into this agency. The Internet of the future was certainly not available. It took some effort to confirm that this company was associated with the Dugway Proving Grounds of Utah, which had a deep interest in the development of weapons for biological and chemical warfare. I called them back and told them I was no longer interested in the position they had offered me. A career at Dugway would have resulted, indeed, in a fundamental change in my life.

Instead, I pursued the position with Tsoo E. King at Oregon State University in Corvallis, Oregon. In July 1963, Karen and our two kids packed into our microbus, with all of our readily transportable belongings, for a long drive from New England to the Pacific Coast. The rest of our stuff was to be sent as a small load later on, hopefully, without another encounter with skunks. We stopped off in Ohio to visit relatives. It was not until early fall that we actually saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Having driven cross-country in the heat of midsummer, we were content to remain in the cooler Willamette Valley for a while before driving over the Cascades to the Oregon coast.

We had rearranged our microbus to accommodate our cross-country trek by repositioning its middle seat to allow for the space to be filled with a play pen for Deb and Ken. Those were the days when restraining car seats for children were never considered. As a youngster, I had ridden in the back-bed of Uncle Joe’s truck. It had been fun to bounce around. Our two would have a playful time in the center of our microbus.

The trunk-section of our vehicle was loaded with a tent for camping our way along the trail leading to Oregon. That worked until we discovered camping under the stars had not really changed much from those early pioneer days. Once we passed Minnesota, we found each formal campground consisted of a site with two trees, one of which I always backed into as we attempted to settle down at the end of each day’s journey. We quickly switched to staying in inexpensive motel rooms between the Dakotas and the Coast.

Somehow, we managed to see the four Presidents in the Black Hills and an eruption of Old Faithful in Yellowstone Park. On the other hand, it was my own personal eruption we awaited each afternoon. I did omit it for one day, until Karen urged me to get it over with so we could look forward to the remainder of the day’s passage.

The limited engine power of a loaded microbus gave us ample opportunity to see the magnificent views as we crawled over the Rocky Mountains. We marveled at how those original travelers of the Oregon Trail had spent day upon day, with the mountains seeming to remain always at the same distance, until, suddenly, the pioneer was surrounded by them. The roads still had to wind around obstacles, but marvelous images came into sight as each turn was completed.

At last, we entered our new home-state. It’s no wonder that the lava fields of Oregon were used by the astronauts for practicing moon landings. There may be no greater desolate areas than those we saw as we finally entered the state. A magnificent consolation for the frozen lava fields came shortly afterwards. The fragrances of pine forests drifted into the open windows of our slowly moving vehicle. Modern cars can no doubt make the exodus in air-conditioned comfort, but there were great advantages driving a microbus filled with a family who was young enough to appreciate a new beginning, far from the routine of old New England, as we breathed in a new atmosphere.

Heart of the Valley

We arrived in Corvallis, Oregon in June 1963, and without much effort found a real house to rent. It was on the corner of Jefferson and 6th streets, only a few blocks from the Oregon State University campus to the west, and from downtown, to the east. We did not really appreciate the full impact of this particular location before we moved in. Yes, we had observed the railroad track going down the center of 6th Street next to the house, but we did not know that every evening, railcars loaded with sawdust would rumble by, usually while we were eating dinner, and again in the middle of the night. We quickly learned the house trembled with each passage. Within a week, all of us were able to sleep without being wakened by the nightly monster’s passage outside our bedroom windows. Visitors who might be invited for dinner with us could not believe this was possible.

The transported sawdust was necessary for the life of the campus. For years the University had been heated by central furnaces that burned the residue left from the state’s logging industry. It was not until much later, when pressboard became a commercial product with an increase in the cost of the raw material, that OSU switched to another fuel. Fortunately, the furnace in our own basement had been changed from a sawdust to an oil burner a few years prior to our arrival. Before the change had been made, several homes in Corvallis suffered from explosions and fires from the improper use of this finely powdered fuel. We seldom ventured into the subterranean areas of our house where the oil-burning furnace lurked.

There was, however, one appliance that did not have a change from its original form. Our kitchen stove was, theoretically, an electric one, but it seemed to have had only an on/off setting. It was a real challenge for Karen’s cooking and baking. The range also included a compartment for burning either wood or combustible trash to keep the room warm. We never tried that function.

The house, itself, was a fine, old Pacific Northwestern home. Although the kitchen was small, there was a large dining room adjoining it, the location became a place for indoor toys and a play area for Deb and Ken. Occasionally, Deb would be warmly dressed so she could venture onto a screen-enclosed porch, found in of all of the older Oregonian residences where hardy children played during the six-month rainy season.

Corvallis, the heart of the valley, formed between the Coastal and Cascade mountains bordering the Willamette River, did have its share of winter-rains, being located in the snow shadow of Mary’s Peak, the highest mountain in the nearby Coastal Range. In such a location, the wet winter winds dropped their snow on the western slopes, leaving mere rain to cover us in the valley. Wet winters were followed by summer droughts, when the winds from the Pacific were relatively dry.

The weather was ideal for the black-walnut tree in our backyard and the huge holly bush by our front door. An entire bedroom on our second floor was covered with newspapers and used for the drying of the walnuts we gathered, even though the husks would stain everything they touched a deep brown. Gloves were mandatory for their final de-husking. However, my favorite room was an old-fashioned study with bookcases mounted on three of its walls and a build-in bench under the window on the fourth side. Backstairs allowed hidden access to the second floor. The study was located between the kitchen and a thirty-foot, wood-paneled living room with a brick fireplace. Our first house was truly a wonderful replacement for our earlier apartments, fit only for poor graduate students and lowly post-docs.

The elderly woman, who had owned the house, had confined her final years to the ground-floor. However, we did not mind the dust and other debris we had to clear out before we settled in. When her estate was probated and the house to be sold, we had to move out. Yet, it was a magnificent first house for the year we lived there. However, we should have done more exploring, especially in its dark basement. After we moved, the next residents located a trove of old coins, worth a considerable amount, hidden someplace in the bowels of the cellar.

Our move to a duplex on Highland Way was a return to the earlier stage of our housing reality. Mr. and Mrs. Messinger, who owned the duplex and shared it with us, never really became close friends. They must have had children, since the backyard had a swing and slide set, which Deb played on, once she became accustomed to the sawdust base used in lieu of grass covering the play area. Oregonians did know how to make do with every part of its forest-based economy.

An Obscene Place

Western Oregon was a beautiful place in which to live. There were times I felt the country was so lovely it could be called “obscene.” After all, one of its definitions indicates that something may be so excessive as to be offensive. If one can possess “obscene wealth,” why can’t a place be so lovely that it is overly provocative.

Spring was abundant with its glorious bulbs of grape hyacinths in violets, purples and blues. Visions of rhododendron and roses were in every yard. The winter rains produced every shade of green that was physically possible. Native Oregonians waxed eloquently about the marvels of the state, until they suddenly realized that what they were saying might entice mere visitors to settle here. Suddenly, comments about constant rain and chills filled their reports. The warning, at the time, was: “Don’t Californicate Oregon!”

From time to time, we traveled north to Portland (and beyond to Seattle to visit dear friends, the Ritchies, who had moved there from Hanover), but we seldom went south to Salem, the capital city where OSU’s rival, the University of Oregon, was located. We found the Portland Zoo had its share of brown bears and polar bears. Deb liked to feed the giraffe which had the longest tongue we had ever seen. We also took my parents there when they made a two-day visit to Oregon. As was their custom, they would spend several days on a bus and sleep during their nighttime travel. They could not abide staying more than forty-eight hours, once they had arrived at their very temporary designation.

Karen, the kids and I also enjoyed driving into the Cascades to the east, but our favorite was to cross the Coastal mountains, even if one unwelcome sight was to see gray smoke rising from the sawmills burning off their waste lumber to make coke. Once on the Coast, we enjoyed camping among the Dunes of the Pacific Ocean. Although we would bring a small tent to pitch, our VW microbus made a cozy place to sleep. And without mosquitos! The entire time we lived in Oregon, we never saw or heard one of them. It was only when we returned to the East Coast that we and the kids ended up with multiple bites and itchy bumps from the buzzing critters.

We liked the sands of the Dunes between Coos Bay and Florence and had to get use to the rock-covered shores of the rest of the coastline. We thought it was innovative that the state of Oregon had designated the entire coastline as a public highway to preclude private housing from developing along the way and ruining the views.

On our trips westward we were amazed at how cold the northern Pacific Ocean remained until early September. It took courage to wade in the water in midsummer; swimming was not considered, since this was a time long before wetsuits became common, especially among surfers, a group that was little recognized in the sixties. Our Midwestern, landlocked background continued to control our behavior. We let the seals float by themselves in the cold foam of the Pacific Ocean.

The city of Corvallis was pleasant enough that we had no great desire to travel beyond its limits. Even though Karen did not drive at the time and did not require the use of our car, I often rode my bike between our house and the lab on campus. The land was flat and the distance short. On-campus parking was also limited. There were a lot of bike racks available.

During our first year, we were close enough to the downtown stores that Karen and the kids, by walking with a stroller, were able to investigate them without spending much other than their time. Our relationships with friends, except for a few young faculty members, were limited; none lived nearby. Our move from our old-fashioned house to a newer duplex away from downtown Corvallis did isolate us to some extent, but it did encourage us to spend more time together as a young family.

We were of a young and active enough age to hike the trails we discovered among very tall pine trees that had the most alluring fragrance found in nature. We had also learned the advantages of a papoose carrier. Deb and Ken saw much of the Northwest while moving backwards, strapped into aluminum devices that allowed Karen and me the freedom to reach out, to touch and to smell the roses.

Oriental Views

During my professional life I had significant collegial relationships with two biochemists of Asian ancestry: Lafayette Noda and Tsoo E. King. In personality they could not have been more different.

Lafayette was the Chairman of the Biochemistry Department at Dartmouth Med during the time I was a postdoctoral fellow with Lucile. He had taken an interest in me and urged me to continue my career in Hanover as an Instructor in his department. Tsoo was a Professor in the Department of Chemistry at Oregon State University and had lied to me about a faculty position there as an Assistant Professor. During my two years with him – an interval that seemed twice as long as my two years in New Hampshire – I was acutely aware that I was really, once more, a postdoctoral fellow with Dr. King as my supervisor.

Dr. Noda had a very interesting background. He was Nisei, a second-generation son who had been interred, along with his parents, relatives and other US-Japanese citizens, in camps in California, Wyoming and Colorado. The federal government believed such drastic action was necessary during the Second World War. At some point, he became a Quaker, and lived out his entire life in that peaceful calling. I have never met anyone so dedicated to peace and harmony as were Lafayette and his wife, Mayme. During the time we were living in Hanover, many people were involved in peaceful demonstrations regarding the Vietnam War. Lafayette and Mayme were often part of those quietly standing on the corner of the Hanover Commons on a weekend.

Their apologies about the skunk in their barn and the stench of our stuff that had been left there on our move to Hanover were truly profuse and deeply meant. Their hospitality was readily available to anyone in need. He and Mayme often invited us and faculty to his old New England house for gatherings and for meals. The Nodas are the only people I knew who, routinely, bought gallons of soy sauce and 25-pound sacks of rice. I recall one remarkable dinner when the guests were given the usual chopstick for their utensils. Everything went well until dessert was offered: cubes of red or green Jell-O! Lafayette did have a sense of humor; he relented when his guests observed that his own kids were now using spoons.

Lafayette died in February 2013, at the age of 96. I saw him on an occasional trip to the Federation meetings we attended. I wish I had known him better, personally.

Tsoo E. King was among the least trusting and most prevaricating scientists I’ve ever met. His deceit was more than just lying to me about my position in his department at OSU. Within a few days in Corvallis, I learned from the department chair that I was not really a faculty member in the Chemistry department, but merely a postdoc in the Science Research Institute. Although I did offer sections of the biochemistry class regarding lipids, my primary position was to undertake the laboratory work assigned to me by Dr. King. Our “team” consisted of a research associate, Bob Howard, and a graduate student, Jack Kittman. At least, with Tsoo, I did get three research papers published as first author in Biochemica Acta and the Journal of Biological Chemistry.

As his team, we were constantly cautioned not to discuss with anyone else anything occurring in the lab, whether the topic was the research, itself, or any other departmental event we might have heard about. His secretary, Clistie Stoddard, was the only person, other than King, himself, who had the key to the cabinet holding “fine chemicals,” which were expensive but vital to our work.

I was surprised when I learned that “Clistie” was actually “Clistie.” Tsoo had a very heavy Chinese accent, so I had assumed he was, once again, merely mispronouncing “Christy.” I often wondered how he had managed to find somewhat whose name he could actually handle.

Because of his accent, one of my jobs was to translate what he had said in the lectures he gave. I had a high interaction with graduate students taking classes with him. I also found it necessary to “de-Tsoo” all of his scientific writings by editing them into recognizable English while still leaving the essence of his Chinese orientation.

Working closely with Bob, King’s research associate, was one of the limited pleasurable events in my daily lab work. His only distraction involved Bell’s palsy, which gave him a ticking cheek. Jack Kittman, a graduate student, was the third member of our laboratory gathering. The only unexpected event in our lives was the day when Jack’s wife, who was also a graduate student and research assistant in our lab, entered long enough to say she had just taken cyanide. Her suicide was the only one I have ever known about directly. It devastated Jack and had an effect on all of us. Cyanide is the major inhibitor for the enzyme cytochrome oxidase and was used, routinely, in our research. In fact, the paper I published in Biochemica Acta bears the title: “The Effect of Cyanide on the Keilin-Hartree Preparation and Purified Cytochrome Oxidase.” Basic research and real life do have intersections, even unexpected ones.

Where Were You When?

There’s a difference between a “Where were you when …?” question and one that asks: “Do you remember when …?” A person can be asked: “Do you remember when the Challenger exploded?” or “Do you remember when Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon?” The inquiry may be about a disaster or a great event in history, but they differ from the one which asks, “Where were you when the planes crashed into the World Trade Center?” Or the one about our first modern-day crisis: “Where were you when Kennedy was assassinated? In these “where-were-you-when” questions, there is a double focus: one on the crisis, itself, and a second on your own bodily reaction to the event; how the event impacted your own life more directly than you would have thought could be the case.

Where was I when JFK was killed?

I was working in the lab at Oregon State in Corvallis, a town a thousand miles from Dallas. Background music was playing on the small radio on a shelf in the lab. The news crackled forth and the lives of millions who heard the announcement at the same moment were dramatically changed. Was this another Orson Wells fantasy? Halloween had passed several weeks ago; thoughts now involved Thanksgiving, occurring within in a few days. Today was Friday, November 22, 1963, it was about 10:30 a.m. on the Pacific coast.

Other faculty, staff, and students wandering by were called into the lab to listen. To hear the impossible. To reject it and then, with extreme reluctance, to accept the possible truth of it. We whispered to one another. There were few tears; they came later. No one could stay and listen further. We each had to go home to loved ones.

I closed off what I was doing and, leaving the lab, got on my bike to pedal the half mile to my house. Had Karen heard the news? There were no others along the streets. No cars, no bikes, no pedestrians. Yet I wanted to shout to someone, anyone, “Have you heard?” But there were none to hear. When the two of us met, all we could do was hold on to one another as deeply as possible.

For the next week, we listened and watched events as they appeared on the recently established television networks of the country. Within 90 minutes, Lee Harvey Oswald was arrested in Dallas. Within 48 hours the accused assassin was, himself, shot in the Dallas Police Station. We began to hear about the “grassy knoll conspiracy” as we watched John-John salute his father’s casket and Jacqueline lead the Nation in its mourning of her murdered husband.

I do not recall the death of any other incumbent President. There was no other benchmark upon which to pin my observations and feelings. FDR had died in office, but, in 1945, I was only ten years old, probably in the fourth or fifth grade. That was so long ago, even in 1963, when the towers of Camelot came crumbling down.

I had admired JFK for many reasons. He and Jackie were a young couple, one whose family-life seemed as ideal as those who had, according to other legends, lived in that other magical kingdom of knights, where Arthur reigned, and Merlin advised. It was only later that the John-Jackie legend became tarnished by real-life peccadillos. In that terrible November, I thought more about how he had prevented a nuclear war than about his botched invasion at the Bay of Pigs. He had been the first, and until 2020, the only, Catholic elected President. His widespread intelligence was favorably compared with Jefferson’s. Then again, our third President’s life has undergone revisions by modern historians, as have those of all the others!

In that November, we watched the riderless horse and worried greatly about the future of our nation. We firmly believed no matter what had happened that this nation would survive. Little did anyone recognize what dramatic events would occur in the coming decades to impact on such thoughts.

At the time, I did not realize how the events happening in Washington, D.C. would affect my own life and career development. “Where was I when?” led directly, over time, to “where am I now?”

Hot Hymns

JFK was the first Catholic President. Without the changes of the Second Vatican Council in the early 1960’s one might wonder if a Catholic could ever have been elected to this office. Three decades earlier Alf Landon showed the difficulty to be encountered. There were, of course, many changes initiated within the Church during this era.

Although the major changes resulting from Vatican II were not really implemented until after its final session had been completed in December 1965, early liturgical changes were hinted at in the years before the closing event. One major expected change was in the language of the liturgy, itself. The Mass which had used Latin for almost two-thousand years might be translated into English and other vernacular tongues people actually spoke and understood.

The Pastor of the local Catholic parish in Corvallis was a musicologist, who had recently composed an English language Mass in anticipation of the possible liturgical change. The quartet from St. Mary’s Church had piled into our micro-bus for a brief journey to Portland where they were to perform this new liturgy for representatives from the Diocese of Portland. Karen had been an active member of the group; I was merely the driver. They may have been practicing their hymns as we drove along the new Interstate highway heading north from Corvallis.

In my rearview mirror I suddenly noticed a cloud of gray smoke pouring from the exhaust pipe of our micro-bus and I quickly pulled over to the side of the highway. We all got out to see what was happening to my relatively new vehicle. What better way to find the origin of the smoke than to open the door to the engine compartment in the rear of the wagon. That was the wrong move. With exposure to more oxygen, bright flames burst forth to engulf the entire motor. We all scurried away before the small explosion occurred. All four tires burst from the heat and the vehicle settled onto the pavement where it slowly burned down to its metal framework.

This was long before the invention of cellphones, but many truckers did have two-way radios for routine communication along the highways they traveled. Fortunately, one of the passing truckers had called the local voluntary fire department. The volunteers arrived very quickly and put out the blaze. Arrangements were made to tow the remains of my micro-bus back to Corvallis. We pleasantly learned that many of the volunteers were also members of a local Knights of Columbus chapter. They kindly took us to their meeting hall to await the arrival of transportation for the choir back to St. Mary’s.

The adventure had mixed results. The next day when I went to see my insurance agent, he inquired if the event had happened on the Interstate at a particular time. My response corresponded with his recollection of his own trip the previous day along that route. Without the need for any further investigation, he was able to declare that there had been a complete loss of my wagon and I could expect a full reimbursement for the accident.

Officials in the transportation office of the University were less understanding of the situation. When I went to get a new parking sticker for the replacement vehicle, I was told I should have peeled off the old sticker and brought it to them before they could issue a replacement. I finally convinced them that the micro-bus had been completely destroyed and it would have been impossible for me to scrape off any of the old sticker to return to them.

Fortunately, our Pastor had another copy of his composition in his Parish office, so he did not suffer an irreplaceable loss. The insurance covered the cost of a used, blue Chevy station-wagon that lasted for many years and was later sold to a friend living in Washington, D.C., even if it did develop a hole in the floorboard that allowed water to be splashed onto the floor under the passenger seat.

I did discover that there probably had been a rough edge to the metal pipe leading from the gas line into the plastic tube of the combustion chamber of my destroyed micro-bus. When the ragged metal cut through the tubing, gasoline was squirted onto the hot motor. That was certainly as direct a means for burning up a vehicle as any other method. It was also very dramatic.

Oregonian Odds and Ends

Although my professional life in Corvallis, Oregon was the pits, living there was really quite pleasant, once a resident accepted the daily, light rainfall. The summers were dry, too dry, actually; drought was not uncommon at that time of the year. If possible, escape across the Coastals to the Pacific, or over the Cascades to the east, made existence much more pleasant. Corvallis’ heart of the valley location in the snow shadow of Mary’s Peak allowed only a minimal white cover during the winter months. There, was, however, a significant snowfall during our second winter. Deb was able to build an impressive snowman in our Highland Way backyard.

The only major environmental event during our stay in Oregon was the Good Friday Earthquake which devastated Anchorage, Alaska on the morning of March 27, 1964. I thought I had felt the duplex, where we were living at the time, shake slightly while I was eating breakfast at our kitchen table. It was not until I was on my way to my lab in the Science Research Institute that I saw the markings on the seismograph in the hallway display-case near the Geology office. I had noticed its scribbles each morning when I passed it, but, that day, the rapid wiggles were off the edges of the chart. Later, I learned that this was the recording for a 9.2 temblor, a magnitude making the Alaska quake to be the largest ever measured for the North American continent! I never felt any of the Californian quakes, which must have occurred while we were living in Oregon, but THIS one could not be ignored.

There were, also, minor family movements exhibited during our two years in Corvallis. Ken finally learned to crawl and walk. It took him awhile to move about on his knees, and later, on two feet. At a very early age, he had learned how to carry something in one hand, while using the other one to help bump his way across the floor on his padded butt. He had minimal need to walk on two legs when the butt-bump method provided all he required for daily movement around the house. Moreover, for his second Christmas, he received two horses: a brown spring-driven one for bouncing and a white one for sitting on while pushing. That was the Christmas when Debbie learned to cook, albeit on a large, cardboard stove. She specialized in pancakes and paper products.

Karen did go with Deb and Ken, on a very long train-ride, to visit her sister Tami and family in Los Angeles. They went to Knot’s Berry Farm, if not to Disney World. Our other trips were several to Seattle to visit Bob and Audry Ritchie, who were our friends from Hanover. Bob was now head of the Math department at the University of Washington. He claimed that from his office, each day, he photographed Mount Hood, which was visible more often than not. As a result of our visits, I believed Seattle might be the only large city where I could enjoy living. Never did, but I have liked every trip I’ve ever made there. Houston, Texas is certainly NOT Seattle!

Our social life in Corvallis was minimal. There may have been an occasional party with faculty from the Biochemistry department. No one ever arrived on time. There was one evening when we gave a party and received a telephone inquiry thirty minutes after it had been scheduled to begin. The caller wondered if they had the date correct. They had driven by our house on Jefferson and saw no one as they passed by. They, and others, arrived a short while later.

The usual way to gain new friends is through your own kids. Deb began attending kindergarten in Corvallis and became friends with a young Cy Field, whose great-grandfather had laid the first telephone cable under the Atlantic Ocean. Karen and Becky Field became somewhat close, if I recall, but there were no others she or I met on a recurring basis.

My professional life as a research biochemist held minimal pleasure; but there was an entertaining alternative. I completed my work on “Basic Biochemistry: A Programmed Textbook” for Basic Press. I had begun my efforts at Dartmouth, where the concept of a “programmed text” was being introduced. One of our friends in the Psychology department was preparing one for his own discipline and had introduced me to a representative from Basic Press. Strangely, I also recall that our friend was a Skinnerian, who actually raised his own son in a Skinner Box!

With regard to the concept of a programmed textbook, I might mention that, instead of reading a classic text composed of paragraphs, the student encounters a series of interrelated questions and statements, with fill-in-the-blank positions completing sentences within a specified block of text. The individual blocks are designed to follow predetermined, but alternative, pathways, dependent upon how the user fills-in-the-blank. The result is a “programmed text.” The method would, later, find application in computerized learning, in which jumping from one block to another is made much easier through the associated electronic presentations.

I sent off the finished manuscript to Basic Books, who gave me a thousand-dollar prepayment. The book was never published. The biochemical structures for carbohydrates, amino acids and steroids were judged to be too costly to print in the recurring forms the method required. It was difficult enough to reproduce them on a typewriter, or by hand with pen-and-ink drawings.

When I began the effort at Dartmouth, I had engaged an undergraduate student to help in the development of the statements I would need. He read each written question and, if he could not fill-in-the-blank correctly, I would write additional intermediate questions until he could complete the final statement correctly. This was the most important feature for this method of “programmed instruction.” The student could proceed at his own pace along the branches needed or omit those which were not needed.

Somewhere in my closet is a copy of the manuscript I completed more than sixty years ago, when I attempted to be a computer before computerization actually occurred! The experience led, in great part, to the development of my own teaching style. This may be the reason why, in later years when answering questions posed by my own kids, they were offered, at the outset, either the short or the long version. For the long answer, I would formulate intermediate questions they had to answer until they, themselves, reached the final solution to the question raised. Most of the time they wanted the short answer, the one we all routinely seek as we pursue the odds and ends in our own lives.

Thoughts about Washington, D.C.

At the time of Kennedy’s assassination, I did not realize how those events occurring in Washington, D.C. would affect my own life and career development. All I knew was that, within weeks of our arrival four months earlier, I could not remain at OSU. It was because of my distasteful work in Dr. King’s lab that I determined I must seek my future elsewhere. Over the following months, close faculty friends knew I was searching for a dramatic change in my academic life.

Shortly afterwards, a likely escape route was provided by Dr. Donald MacDonald, a young faculty member in the department. He had a friend, Dr. Bob Backus, who was an administrator with the National Institutes of Health, a federal agency known for its support of biomedical research through its grant-awarding functions. I met with Dr. Backus on one of his visits to the University and applied for a position in the NIH-supported “Grants Associates Program.”

This federal program was a new endeavor in which the agency would retrain active scientists to become scientist-administrators. The process was thought to be easier than making current administrators into scientists. These scientist-administrators would have an overview of the Nation’s expansion in biomedical research. My application had been favorably reviewed and approved. I was invited to Bethesda, Maryland, for a series of interviews for the GA Program and was accepted into the next available class. However, I needed to wait for the forthcoming federal budget cycle, beginning in July 1965.

Throughout my life, I had been very interested in teaching and believed that this was my most significant talent. I had enjoyed my interaction with students in segments of the biochemistry courses offered at both Dartmouth Med and Oregon State. The students, themselves, seemed to believe I was able to provide useful information about lipids, even though I, myself, felt this was not a significant part of the curriculum for biochemistry.

Although I enjoyed, more or less, working in the lab, I also felt my physical skills were only average and that I was not destined to be a lab-bench investigator forever. My preference would be to offer an entire biochemistry course at the undergraduate level, in some small college, if not a major university, where faculty membership is determined by what you publish rather than by what you teach. I never reached my goal.

Although an academic life as a faculty member had been in my plans for many years, I began to think, with other members of the biochemistry faculty at OSU encouraging me, that an alternative career in administration might fit my profile equally well. On the other hand, I was concerned how Dr. Wright and Dr. Smith would view such a change. They had mentored me to be an investigator, not an administrator. Working in a government agency might be only slightly preferable to a job in industry!

Nevertheless, my emotional life at OSU changed dramatically during the autumn of 1964, a year after Kennedy’s death, when I learned I would be leaving my “imprisonment” by Tsoo E. King. I looked forward with great anticipation to departing the oriental kingdom of which I had been a minor player and undertaking a more significant role in what had once been JFK’s Camelot. A lowly knight would be a vast improvement for the serf I had been. Although Camelot’s towers had vanished in the mists, I continued to hope new ones would be raised. If not Camelot, perhaps the Great Society would have a place for me. Washington, D.C. could become my new “heart of the valley.” Later, I learned Potomac Fever can be a welcomed remedy to Willamette Chills.

Flight to a New World

Christopher Paul was born in Corvallis, Oregon, on May 30, 1965, only five days after my own thirtieth birthday. Two weeks later the family began a new life which led us in a very different direction.

A month or so earlier, in mid-April, I made my first flight to Washington, D.C. to house-hunt before moving on to the annual biochemistry meeting in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The plane was a Boeing 727, the series which had made its maiden flight only two years earlier, in 1963. It was a strange, exciting experience to ride inside a javelin thrown into the sky. Technology said it should stay there, hurtling across the continent, but common sense said otherwise. Everyone knew, from the days of the Wright brothers, onward, that airplanes had propellers that moved the air rapidly over the wings to provide “lift” to the underside of them. They did not have jet engines mounted there instead. Somehow it worked.

I made my first landing in Washington, D.C., an event repeated often over the next five years. Each time there was the wonderment of seeing the Capital laid out beneath me. The Mall, the White House, the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial were extremely exciting to view from a seat traveling several hundred feet above them. An early, evening arrival was even better, with the lights shining on each of the buildings erected to give a sense of solidarity to all who beheld them. I had a very early infection resulting in Potomac Fever that lasted for decades.

I was fortunate to find a perfect house only a few blocks from the campus of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in Bethesda, Maryland. It was of modest Georgian style with old bricks, dormer windows and white trim. Of course, there was a cherry tree in the front yard. We could have it as a very inexpensive, semi-furnished rental for a year, while its owner, who was an officer with the United States Public Health Service (USPHS), was on an out-of-town assignment. The NIH was part of the USPHS, which, itself, was a division within the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare (DHEW). Welcome to the federal alphabet soup!

In mid-June, only a few weeks after Kip (the shortened version of Christopher Paul) was born, Karen and the three kids, Debbie, Ken, and Kip, had their own 727 adventures flying from Corvallis to Cleveland by way of Chicago. This was Karen’s first flight. It was, she maintains, adventurous enough for her. The plane was late arriving in Chicago. Ground assistants helped her with the three young kids, ages six years, two years and three weeks, race from one terminal to another. She has maintained that the businessmen on the flight to Cleveland readily made room for them. A telephone call from an airline agent alerted Karen’s father of the delay, since he was to have met them at the Cleveland airport for the drive to Sandusky where she would await my arrival.

The plan was for me to drive our recently purchased Chevy wagon to Ohio, meet the family, visit relatives, and drive on to Bethesda. The loading of our furniture onto a cross-country moving van would be supervised by our former, semi-willing landlords, the Messengers. Somehow it all worked out. Driving from Oregon to Ohio in a Chevy van was more comfortable than driving a VW van to the Pacific Northwest, as we had done only two years earlier. My escape from the secret kingdom of Tsoo E. King, to the Johnsonian administration made up for any hardships of the lonely drive.

A new world lay ahead of me. The days of academic studies and research would now become a time for learning about science administration. Now I would be supervising the giving of federal grants instead of trying to get them. It seemed as if this direction in my life, as well as in my geography, would be more fun, and maybe more exciting in a positive way.

Life on Cedar Lane

Cedar Lane was one of the major streets in Bethesda, Maryland. Our rental house was less than a mile from the main campus of the NIH and would have been an ideal location for getting to work, except the Grants Associates Program was in the Westwood Office Building on the far side of Bethesda. My daily commute was longer than I thought it would be when I first rented the house. However, the Westwood neighborhood was lined with as many cherry trees as there were around the Tidal Basin downtown. In springtime I had a magnificent drive through a variegated-pink tunnel which quickly gained a carpet of petals swirled by the passing of commuter cars.

My destination was not the Emerald City of Oz, although at times there was a mystical similarity. The Westwood Office Building housing many of the extramural programs of the NIH was the typical, privately built, elongated structure with pale-green offices leased to the federal government. No one knows the origin of that shade of civil-service green found in each two-room work site, public service areas, all hallways, and a basement cafeteria. The entrance space for each office was designed for a secretary and the adjoining private section for the level GS-10-or-above federal agent.

The major traffic problem associated with my drive to work was due to the location of Cedar lanes, itself. Since it was, indeed, one of the major streets leading into the NIH, the morning traffic was heavy. Every evening, I would enter our driveway in the usual manner, and every weeknight, I would back the car out of the driveway and reposition it so I would have a head-start in the morning. There was no way I could have backed out of the drive during the morning rush-hour, unless Karen stood in the middle of the street to stop the traffic, a “solution” neither of us desired.

Another interesting observation about our house was our backyard which was planted with bamboo. I soon learned how rapidly this alien plant grew and spread, unless I whacked it down as often as I could. We had a bed of strawberries which was much easier to maintain. My pile of grass clippings was not. I thought the mulch mixture would decompose over time. It did not. The smelly remains had to be bagged and carted off before the owner returned at the end of our rental year.

Our neighborhood was not far from a small park to which Karen could take the kids. There was not much else for them to do. During our year there, we met no one residing near us. Deb did begin her first grade at Holy Redeemer elementary school, which was in walking distance. Nevertheless, we did enjoy our first year of living in a non-academic town. Bethesda, itself, did not have much to offer, except for a restaurant which served an incredible version of mock-turtle soup. (Yes, it is strange what continues to be recalled from a half-century ago!)

Another event of that year in a new environment concerned my first hospitalization as an adult. It occurred during the Christmas season and has led me, ever since, to associate this holiday with hospitals. For some unknown reason, I fainted on Christmas morning. Karen and I decided I should check myself into the local Bethesda Suburban Hospital to see if a cause could be found. After several days of examinations, nothing definitive was diagnosed, even here in the center of health care for the nation. My physician, Dr. Herman, said I was a “normal, overweight, early-middle-aged executive” who should lose 40 – 50 pounds. It would also be best for me to give up smoking. He prescribed Valium, the current pill-of-choice for anxiety attacks, for the next few months. He also warned me I was “pre-diabetic,” which was a relatively new concept fifty years ago.

Whether it was stress or merely hypochondria resulting from my reading a Christmas present book which included descriptions of brain tumors, I never did discover. But I did learn I preferred to be engaged in becoming a biological science administrator and not a brain surgeon.

Becoming a Scientist-Administrator

My change of career from working in university research, writing for publication in scientific journals, and teaching biochemistry students about lipids to becoming a scientist-administrator on a national level was not as difficult as I had expected it might be. I enjoyed becoming an administrator while avoiding the usual result of becoming a bureaucrat. The difference between the two is that a bureaucrat learns the ways to say “no,” whereas an administrator, with the same information, knows how to say: “yes, it will work if you do it this way.” The other rule I tried to follow was: can I justify why I’ve chosen this administrative action if I had to explain it to Karen’s Ohio-Republican father?

The procedure I followed for learning how to become a scientist-administrator was through an internship program, the Grants Associate Program (GAP) of the NIH. The GAP had been initiated only two years previously (1963) with ten recruits. Although we did not comprise a formal class, most of the current dozen “GA’s” entered the program at the start of the federal fiscal year, which began, back then, on July 1. Over the years, the members of my class became close friends and colleagues. The NIH had hoped that this would be one of the results of this experience, since it was anticipated we would spread throughout the NIH and related agencies of the federal government. A successful program, ultimately, would be responsible for increased cooperation among all of the science-related components of the federal government.

My first intern-assignment was with the National Institute of Dental Research (NIDR). Its extramural grant program was located in a separate office building in downtown Bethesda. I remember riding up in the elevator, on my first morning of federal employment, with a black gentleman dapperly dressed in a dark suit and vest and carrying what looked like a neatly furled English bowler umbrella. We left the elevator at the same time and chatted as we walked down the corridor to the NIDR offices. When I asked where I might find Dr. Tom Malone, the Director of the extramural programs, he introduced himself as the person to whom I had been assigned. Tom was not quite the Irishman I had been expecting to meet. He would be my mentor for the next month. Over the following years, we became close friends and colleagues. He remained as one of my mentors as he, himself, advanced within the NIH.

I should mention, for the sake of clarity, that the NIH consists of multiple, independent Institutes, each of which may have intramural as well as extramural programs. The intramural programs, housed on the main campus of the NIH, employ their own scientists engaged directly in basic or clinical research focused on specific diseases or body organs, e.g., the National Cancer Institute or the National Heart Institute. Their extramural programs support biomedical research on a nationwide basis for studies conducted at universities, medical schools, hospitals and other off-campus sites through grants funded by each Institute. The GAPS was, organizationally, part of the extramural program of the Division of Research Grants (DRG) which served the entire NIH in the review of grants funded by the individual Institutes.

During my internship with the NIDR, I was assigned a project in which I was to identify the research topics the Institute supported in basic biochemistry. In 1965, computers and the data they held were in their infancy; in fact, they were neonates rather than toddlers. The National Library of Medicine, another part of the NIH, had large (room-sized!) computers which could be accessed only by their own experts. I made a request to the NLM to obtain the titles of all scientific articles having specific search-terms associated with dentistry or the mouth that had been funded by the NIH, according to the article’s self-reported source of support. (Each article published in a scientific journal was required to identify the federal agency which had supported the research.) One of the search terms I thought would be logical was “saliva.” Certainly, the NIH must have supported research involving this biological fluid bathing the mouth and the dentistry associated with it.

A week after I had made the inquiry, the NLM sent me a lengthy computer listing of the published articles containing any of the search terms I had included. Unfortunately, I had not specified that the articles should be limited to human beings. I quickly learned that the NIH and the NIDR had supported a significant amount of research associated with mosquito saliva! After all, malaria and yellow fever were the results of bites by these infected critters!

So it was, at an early stage in the retrieval of computerized data, that I learned the significance of inclusionary and exclusionary terms. A computer coughs out only what you ask for; so, the user must be very cautious in raising the right questions and using appropriate boundaries. Nevertheless, Tom Malone did like the final report I wrote for him and the National Institute of Dental Research.

Scientist-Administrator: NIH and DHEW

Assignments following my original NIDR experience were equally informative and fun for me as I continued to tour the NIH and other federal agencies. One effort was with the National Institute of General Medical Sciences (NIGMS) which provided extramural funds for basic biological and biochemical studies fundamental for all living conditions. Here my focus was on the method of support for the training of pre- and postdoctoral students through fellowships and training grants. The NIGMS also awarded grants for research, per se.

My research grant management exposure was obtained through an experience with the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (HICHD), an agency resulting from an interest by the family of John F. Kennedy. New Institutes were constantly being formed or renamed depending upon current political conditions. Some referred to these changes being the result of the “disease-of-the-month club.” However, the re-designation of an Institute, or an increase in the funding for an existing one, normally required that the “fad” exist through a federal budget cycle or two before the result to become final.

In addition to exposures within the Institutes, I also had an assignment with the Division of Research Grants. The DRG interacted with all of the Institutes, since it was the centralized organization for the peer review of all requests for funding by the NIH. Here were the “study sections” headed by chiefs who were administratively in charge of each review group, composed of outside consultants from academic and research centers throughout the nation. Three or four times a year, each group, consisting of ten to twenty members, gathered in Bethesda to review all applications coming from those seeking support through research grants, fellowships, training grant programs or large “program projects,” which incorporated funds for both research and training in a specified area.

The members of each review group (study section) would have read the applications prior to attendance at their meeting, where they would, after further discussions, vote a “priority score” as an assessment of the merit of the request being made. Applications with voted scores between 100 and 200 – with 500 being the poorest, yet approved, score – might be funded by one of the Institutes for which the reviews were made. The final decision to support an approved application depended upon the budget for each Institute, to which the grant proposal had been assigned by the DRG. During the period of tight budgets allocated to the NIH by Congress, awards might be limited to those with scores between 100 and 150. Only those requests with the very best priority scores were ever funded.

In addition to internship assignments with the Institutes and the DRG, I also had an opportunity to observe events involving overall policies of the NIH. At that time, Dr. John Sherman, who was a legendary director for the NIH extramural programs, requested that I draft serval documents for his consideration while I was assigned to “Building One” of the NIH.

My month-long assignment to the Office of the Secretary of the Department of Health, Education and Welfare offered me a different kind of opportunity. Since the DHEW was in downtown Washington, D.C. I had time, during my lunch periods, to visit sites of interest around The Mall. This was an era when the Capitol was open to all citizens. If a person looked like he belonged, it was possible to roam the halls of Congress without any security badge or other approval. I had learned the technique of walking-rapidly-with-purpose and saw a lot of new territory that now would be completely “off-limits” due to new terrorists. What a difference can be made by the exchange of a few letters like “– itory” and “– orist!” when appended to the basic: terri/terro!

Scientist-Administrator: NIAMD

Besides observing the management processes in particular Institutes of the NIH or other components of the science-supporting agencies at the federal level, such as the National Science Foundation, I also participated in weekly seminars directed toward business management with an emphasis on the administration of federal programs. These GAP workshops included discussions of typical case studies used for advanced training in business schools.

I began to think like a scientist-administrator, who had been well-versed both in a particular basic science and in business administration. Other GAP members came from microbiology, physiology, chemistry and biophysics. Our discussions were freewheeling; they allowed us to become non-parochial when it came to scientific specialties. They also increased loyalty and association with the federal government, in general, rather than with a specific agency – a limited view held by many civil service employees who had been directly hired by a particular federal agency.

A favorite location for extended seminars was Airlie House in nearby Warrenton, Virginia. It was at this idyllic site in the country that I shared, for the first time, a bedroom with a black colleague. It was also here that I learned of the culinary delights of a Smithfield ham and true “southern cooking.”

After twelve months of my internship with the NIH, it was time for me to seek permanent employment within the agency, itself, or with another science-related office in the federal government. I was extremely surprised when I was offered more than thirty different positions within the NIH. Following an intensive comparison of the possibilities for my career development, I chose one, offered by the National Institute of Arthritis and Metabolic Diseases (NIAMD), as co-director of its Endocrinology Program.

The NIAMD was an Institute for the significant support of basic and clinical funding for a spectrum of biomedical efforts within the United States. Although its designated “disease” was “arthritis” its organizational sub-components addressed all of the medical specialties of internal medicine. At that time, the NIAMD had programs for a dozen medical specialties ranging from Dermatology thorough Hematology to Urology. Each program included all of the support mechanisms offered by the NIH – research grants, fellowships, training grants, career development grants, and program projects.

I shared the administration of the Institute’s Endocrinology Program with a co-director, Dr. Roman Kulwick. At Cornell I had “majored” in biochemistry with a “minor” in endocrinology. With a desire to learn more about both this discipline and grant-support, in general, this position seemed like the most logical of the choices being offered. I did not regret it. Roman and I divided our work according to specific universities and medical schools. My only problem was that every morning, when I entered our office, he met me at the door with today’s problems. I felt like a husband who is greeted daily by his wife who has suffered all day long with the kids while he was peacefully at work.

I met a large number of endocrinologists over the next year and learned of the latest developments in this field. The experience also gave me an intimate understanding of all of the ways in which the federal government supported scientific advances.

A year later, I was appointed as Chief of the Analysis and Evaluation Branch of the NIAMD. The branch was in charge of all of the data for the Institute as it related to its multibillion-dollar budget and thousands of grants. Computers were becoming the new technology. I had programmers and technicians working for me. Although I could not hard-wire the machines used for the sorting of punch-card data, I managed those who did have these abilities. I also supervised those who reviewed the Institute’s awards and inputted the data gathered from them.

In this way, I became part of the foundation of the information technology that is so important for today’s world. At the time, however, the best social use for IBM punch cards was their foundation for the construction of three-dimensional, gold-sprayed wreaths for Christmas decorations!

Mentor

A mentor is defined as a person, usually a business colleague, who takes an interest in helping a younger employee in career development. The mentor serves not only as role model but also counsels the younger person over a spectrum of interests. A mentor may also tout the younger one among other colleagues in order to “smooth the way” for him. I have been fortunate in having one such person in my life: Dr. Ronald Lamont-Havers.

Ron was a half-generation ahead of me, being born fifteen years before I was. Our first interaction came in 1966, after my year-long administrative internship with the National Institutes of Health. He was the Associate Director for the extramural programs of the National Institute of Arthritis and Metabolic Diseases and the major reason why I joined that particular Institute. He convinced me that the position he offered as Associate Endocrinology Program Director would give me, in the shortest possible time, an excellent background for all of the grant-funding activities of the NIH. He was right. I quickly learned about all of the NIH grant-making programs and interacted with many other staff members throughout the NIH. A year later he appointed me as the chief of the Analysis and Evaluation Branch where, with an ancient IBM system, I was part of the newly developing area of computer analysis. It was because of Ron’s interest in my career that I was introduced to the computer age.

Lamont-Havers was himself, an interesting person. He was born in England in 1920 and moved to Canada when he was seven. His undergraduate work was at the University of British Columbia and his MD was from the University of Toronto. He maintained his Canadian accent when he came to the NIH. I found this personally amusing for a strange reason. Later, as I advanced through the agency and did a lot of telephone interactions with upper-level administrators, my voice was often mistaken for his. At that time, he, himself, had been promoted to the position of Deputy Director of the entire NIH. Jokingly, it was said I could have taken over the agency, through telephone calls, if I had tried.

Ron and his wife, Hale, often invited Karen and me to their townhouse for an evening. Their gatherings included members from the Institute and friends from other federal agencies. Sometime between 10:00 p.m. and midnight, Hale would begin to prepare dinner. They preferred engaging conversations to eating! An event with them would last far into the night. Hale was also an interesting lady in another strange way. Her hobby was reading about “real crime.” When Ron would travel to London for scientific meetings, Hale would spend her time at Scotland Yard. I also recall that her favorite cat was named “Dr. Crippen,” after an infamous American physician who killed his wife in London, was tried for the crime, and hanged in the Tower.

Meetings with L-H were also fascinating. Our dialogs focused, of course, on the business at hand, but he would cover a range, from politics to religion. He seemed to have a particular interest in the “Medes and the Persians,” since he was always quoting something about them. Our conversations always occurred while he sat with one leg bent under him. I’ve never known any other man who consistently sat so comfortably curled up in his chair.

Ron was very adept not only in instructing me about the specifics of administration but also about the culture of the Institutes. He demonstrated what stewardship in government actually meant: how bureaucrats learned the rules in order to say “no” and administrators learned the same ones in order to say “yes.” Accepting new ideas, when needed, and making changes, when appropriate, are essential for federal agencies. He was an international expert on arthritis and gave me a consultation on my own shoulder problem.

L-H seemed to take a personal interest in me. Even after I left his Institute to become Assistant Director in another component of the NIH, we maintained contact. When I would visit the agency after joining the University of Massachusetts, he always found time to chat with me, even though he had moved to “Building One” as Deputy Director of the NIH. I lost contact with him once he became Vice President for Research and Technology at the Massachusetts General Hospital. He died in 2019, at age 99.

Shortly after I had arrived at Baylor College of Medicine, I received a telephone call from Dr. Tom Malone, a personal friend and colleague who had replaced Lamont-Havers as Associate Director for the extramural programs of the NIH. Tom said that he and Ron had not realized I would be “movable” from UMA and wondered if I would be interested in returning to the NIH for a position in his office instead of living in Texas. However, having made this recent commitment, I replied that I thought I should stay with BCM. I have often wondered what my life would have been like had I returned, some forty years ago, to the NIH and life under Reagan, Clinton, Bush and Obama. Fortunately, I would probably have retired before being Trumped! There is a difference between being mentored and be apprenticed.

Potomac Fever

Life in Washington, D.C. did give me a dose of “Potomac Fever.” The condition was not fatal, but it did have long-lasting effects. One of the symptoms was my feeling as if I were living in the center of all that was happening in the world. Every national event seemed to be local. For several years after we had moved to Amherst, Mass., I still subscribed to the Washington Post, until the Boston Globe took its place, but not quite.

On the first available weekend, once we were settled in our home on Cedar Lane in Bethesda, we drove around the District. On a Sunday, the traffic was more reasonable than during a weekday. The Mall and the Smithsonian museums became our magnet: on the north – American History, Natural History, and the Art Gallery; on the south – Freer Gallery, Smithsonian Castle, Hirshorn, Air and Space, and the Botanical Gardens. Changes occurred over the following decades, but these were the places for us to see again and again in the mid-1960’s. When friends came to visit, we would take them to sites everyone expected to see (the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument) and then to places for us to investigate for the first time. Strangely, perhaps, we never did get to see the inside of the White House. I went to some of the other major federal buildings on my own during those lunch hours I had when I was assigned to the DHEW.

On the other hand, our favorite locations included the National Zoo and the National Cathedral, even if it was high Episcopalian. Both were very peaceful venues to stroll as a couple, although the kids, of course, preferred the zoo. A short time before our arrival in Washington, the Catholic Basilica of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception had been completed. Around the main sanctuary, there were magnificent chapels dedicated to the Virgin Mary as she had appeared to various nations. However, we preferred the elegant Gothic setting of the Cathedral to the Byzantine style of the Basilica.

Following our arrival in the area, one of our first events was experiencing the Fourth of July fireworks on the grounds of the Mall. It was a grand exposure to what was potentially available in our Capital. Even the traffic jam was worth it.

The construction of the Metro subway system did not begin until the final year we lived in the D.C. area, so I learned to get around the District by car. After many attempts, I finally discovered how to navigate the Circle around the Lincoln Memorial and actually drive north on Rock Creek Parkway, instead of always landing in Arlington Cemetery in Virginia. Karen began to drive our car when we moved from Bethesda to Rockville during our second year in Washington. She had taken driving lessons during high school, but refused to drive when her father attempted to continue her lessons in drivers’ ed. She did her driving, now, in suburban Washington and allowed me to take the wheel for downtown excursions.

I, personally, had two destinations when I thought I needed to escape from the house by myself. During the day, one of them was Georgetown. The streets, with cobblestone or brick pavements lined by gas-converted lamps, were picturesque during the day or evening. I stayed in a townhouse there with young, single, physician friends from the NIH for a week while Karen was out of town with the kids. Georgetown would have been a great place to live, but my salary limited my desire. My second, favorite location was the Lincoln Memorial at dusk, when the fog began to rise from the Potomac. The sharp edges of the temple became concealed by the mists as my own thoughts of any leftover annoyances faded away. Perhaps, these river-mists were the real causes for my Potomac Fever.

May St., Wheaton, Md

There are years which recede into half-forgotten memories. Those from 1966 until 1968 fit into this category. On the positive side, I found my daily administrative work to be enjoyable; I became good at it, too. By attending study section reviews of grant applications, I met some of the leading investigators in the country in biochemistry and endocrinology. I did not miss the laboratory and doing my own research, since I was learning about the cutting edge of these scientific disciplines. My role as an administrator, who helped others, was an acceptable replacement for what I had desired, but not found, in academic education. There were times when I missed classroom teaching, but my day-to-day work compensated for what I thought I had given up in direct interactions with students and professorial colleagues. It was the beginning of a productive career in science administration.

At the completion of my year in the GA Program and the beginning of my career with the NIAMD, we moved from our rental house in Bethesda to another rental in Wheaton, Maryland, the “next town” adjoining Bethesda and the District. There was little to distinguish this residence from any other suburban home: a typical, split-level, white structure with black shutters.

While we were living in our new residence, Deb made her First Communion at St Edward’s, our new parish, although she now attended the local public elementary school. My parents came for their obligatory 48-hour visit for this celebration.

Once again, Karen and I had few neighborhood friends. Most friends were those from work, rather than those who cut the grass in the next-door yards. The closest colleague-friends I had were two members from my “class” of the Grants Associates: Al Heim and Al Broseghini. Karen and I learned how to play bridge and often met with an NIH colleague, Kent Smith and his wife, Nancy, for weekend card playing.

Although she never mentioned it, Karen may have been bored being a housewife who had limited access to a car for getting away on her own. We accomplished the common events of family life together: the usual trips to the grocery stores, weekend ventures to the nearby suburban mall and its department stores, and visits to downtown tourist sites.

I did find an NIH colleague, Tom MacIntosh, who lived near us; we alternated weeks as drivers for our daily commute, so that Karen finally had some means of escape. Tom became a very close buddy, as it can happen when, every day, two guys must invest time together. Two hours of one-on-one conversations, five days a week, resulted in our getting to know one another. A close call or two on an express highway also resulted in an even closer friendship. Our relationship ended in the usual way when Tom and his wife, Roma, returned to Iowa and his private practice following his year as a Public Health Service physician on temporary assignment to the NIH.

I then discovered that Will Nusser, another NIH-er lived in Wheaton and a new, but less talkative commuting, came about. On the other hand, when Will bought my old Chevy wagon for his son, he knew what he was getting, including the small hole in the floorboard that allowed ready access to roadway slush.

The best part of our living on May Street in Wheaton was that it was close to the area in Rockville, Maryland, where we built our first home. We were able to oversee its construction and learn about a new way to have fun, providing we had the money and time for it.

Flint Rock Rd. Rockville, Md

Having a new home being built for us was very exciting. It also required patience, a difficult quality for us with our immediate expectations of completion. Fortunately, we bought a site in Rockville, Maryland not far from where we were renting, and so, we could visit the reality of our dream while it was being constructed. We had, indeed, dreamed of our own home for several years before we were able to construct one. Karen and I had enjoyed pouring over home-design magazines for the first five years of our marriage and had decided on what we liked and did not like. We had even tried to design our own floorplans, knowing that we would end up with one originated by a developer. But we had fun with our daydreams.

The house we decided to have built for us was of a multi-level design. The main floor had a large living room, dining room and kitchen. The upper level had three bedrooms, one for us, one for Deb and one shared by Ken and Kip. The lower level, below the main floor, had two more bedrooms, which were dedicated for my study and for storage, as well as what many would call a den or family room. That’s where we relaxed and watched television in the evening. Below the lower level was a full basement, a space we did not realize, at the time, was unique to northern dwellings. The laundry, furnace, water heater and out-of-season stuff could be found there. Years later when we moved to Houston, Texas, we were startled to learn that these utilities, except for the laundry, were relegated to the attic. We former Yankees could not abide the idea of a water heater above our heads and had our future builders make room for similar equipment being lodged in the garage! At the time we purchased the property in Maryland, we paid about $27,000, and sold it for only a modest increase, five years later. Today, it would take us more than $500,000 to buy it back!

There was only a modest yard associated with our suburban home, perched on a low hill. Grass cutting was a challenge for the front lawn. The backyard was overgrown with shrubs and trees. Over the years, we slowly converted this area into a rock garden, a small site surrounded by nature. Shortly after we moved into our new home, a large tree was uprooted by a windstorm and many weeks were devoted to cutting up the remaining roots and enlarging the opened area. Fortunately, the tree missed the surrounding houses, and ours, as it toppled over.

There was a real advantage in living close to our new house as it was being constructed. We had ordered that the exterior, wood panels be painted a light green to offset the red bricks of the foundation walls. We were amazed when we first saw the glossy finish illuminating our part of the cul-de-sac of our truly outstanding home. The builder repainted with an appropriate outdoor product to give a result that would be less offensive to all of the neighbors.

We actually had known neighbors living around us. They became close friends over the years, and we shared meals and parties with them. On one side were Bernie and Pat O’Donnell; on the other were Joe and Angela Ditchey and their many kids. Our best friends, Bob and Sally Thyberg, lived across the street from our cul-de-sac. We spent many evenings together watching the newly created “Star Trek” and “Mission Impossible.” Bob and Sally also played bridge and liked the same summertime gin-and-tonics and wintertime scotch-and-sodas that we consumed with them. Bob, who worked for the Department of the Navy, drove a motorcycle, which Karen dared to ride with him; I declined.

Stores, school, and church, now St Patrick’s, were within the normal fifteen-minute suburban drive. I continued to commute with Will Nusser to the Westwood building while I remained with the NIAMD.

We led a pleasant and typical suburban life on Flint Rock Road, a place which was much more modern than the home where Fred and Wilma once resided along with their neighbors, the Rubbles. The Thybergs were as much fun as Barnie and Bette and our fireplaces were reserved for making popcorn rather than roasting haunches of a mastodon.

Washington on Fire

Memories of family life in 1968 have been limited, but the same has not been true for events impacting upon our own lives and those of others in this fate-filled year. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated by James Earl Jones at the Lorraine Motel in Memphis, Tenn., on April 4, 1968. Within the week, we saw from our backyard in Maryland the smoke of the fires destroying 14th Street in downtown Washington, D.C. Dark clouds rising over the nation’s Capital were not an experience anyone might expect, unless you had lived there in 1812 – 1814. What would come next?

I did not venture very much to that northwest section of the District, even though it was not far from the federal buildings where I had worked and visited during the last three years. We had a close friend, Francie Callan, Karen’s sorority sister, living in an apartment building on East Capital. She was recovering from a broken leg and unable to escape from her third-floor apartment, if the need should arise. No part of the District seemed to be safe if the rioters left their neighborhoods around 14th and U streets. We worried about her and others we knew who lived downtown. We expected Maryland would be safe. Our concerns lasted for more than the four days that the Capital was under attack.

Within a few weeks, the riots evolved into a more settled stage for the siege. A “March on Washington” resulted in the construction of “Resurrection City” located on the Mall around the Reflection Pool, near the Lincoln Memorial. The encampment lasted from Mothers’ Day in mid-May through the last days of June. Many of my physician friends from the PHS and the NIH provided health care to its residents, who, nevertheless, held them under suspicion, since they thought that really good doctors would have had nothing to do with such rabbles.

On the other hand, those six weeks in the early summer of 1968 had one advantage for us and other residents. Because of the previous riots and the resulting tent-city of displaced inhabitants, there were few tourists. This was the only time during our years in Washington that there were no parking problems around the Mall and its museums. Life continued in its usual, routine manner. It lasted until early June.

On June 5, 1968, Robert Kennedy was assassinated by Sirhan Sirhan at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles. The Capital, once more, entered a period of shock and mourning, which lasted until late August. I vividly recall, from this period, an incident when I was severely criticized by friends, because I made use of “Sirhan Sirhan” as the topic for a charade game in which we were involved!

The meeting of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago changed the nature of the discussions of my friends and colleagues. But, interestingly, the nominations of Hubert Humphrey and Edmund Muskie as well as those of Nixon and Agnew did not result in the bitterness which developed later in national politics.

In the 1960s it was my observation that civil politicians and civil servants remained civilized. During the day, policy issues would be discussed with great fervor, even with anger. But the political “stupidity” of opponents was not held as a personal demonization, lacking any empathy for the dignity of the human person. As federal employees we never really knew much about the personal politics of those with whom we labored for the good of the nation.

In my later years as a bureaucrat, I had no problems drafting an official response that would be signed by a congressman to an inquiry from a constituent about the NIH. It was a spellbinding time to be a real civil servant and accomplish the mutual goals mandated by the Congressional and Executive branches of the federal government. The real challenge each fiscal year was to help in the construction of three budgetary requests: one for a reduced appropriation, one for a realistic allotment and one if there might be a blue-sky expansion, a seldom occurring event. The only blue skies were the ones brought by the Washington weather and not by federal funds.

During the previous and current administrations in Washington, the nature of Congress and the entire federal government has changed dramatically. If someone does not completely agree with your own position, that individual is now beyond redemption. All negative adjectives can currently be applied to these former-humans. I cannot see myself existing in such a climate of stupid calumny. I’m pleased that I was able to experience being a federal civil servant when they were, indeed, civil both at work, and at leisure.

I have commented in other reflections on the insurrection of January 6, 2021. The insurrections of the summer of 1968 provide me with sufficient memories of Washington on fire.

Life in Washington

Once again, being busy and fully engaged in living my life, I had little time to devote to writing about it, although I have found a diary entry about a lunch with Peyton Stapp at the Cosmos Club for Thursday, January 9, 1969.

Peyton, a senior advisor for those in “Building 1,” invited me for our monthly conversation about my career development. That day’s enticement was to assess my interest as director of the Statistics and Analysis Branch of the DRG. The additional carrot was a GS-15 level appointment. I was currently the Chief of the Analysis and Evaluation Branch of the NIAMD, an advancement I had taken two years ago within the Institute. At present I had control of all of the Institute’s data for all of the grants we made. Peyton was proposing a similar role for the entire NIH.

The Cosmos Club was a private social club founded in 1878. Originally it was where the cultural and professional elite men of Washington could gather for drinks, discussion and meals. It had the appearance of the venues seen in old movies. There were well-worn, deep-red carpets, leather reading chairs, dark portraits, male dining rooms, efficient service and the air of the “Establishment” for which it existed. In my notes I wrote that all of this interaction and its location were “… amusing and instructive to this little old 2nd generation WOP who finds himself with a case of Potomac fever.” I did not follow-up on Peyton’s offer, but I did enjoy the occasional lunch with him at the Cosmos Club.

My notes also indicate that two weeks later I happened to meet Dr. Tsoo King in the snack room at the Westwood Building. Dr. King was the person whose negative interactions with me had led directly to my current association with the NIH. He was in town for some meetings at the NSF and thought he should “make nice” with the science administrator in charge of his NIH grant funding. It was ironic, meeting with him in my current role with the Feds.

Interactions with my former colleagues were not uncommon. Two days after my chance meeting with Tsoo, I had a telephone call from Dr. Lucile Smith, my mentor at Dartmouth Med. She called about her own grant funding which had not been renewed during the latest round of competitive reviews. Given the cutbacks in the NIH budgets at that time, this was not an unusual occurrence.

Years ago, when Lucile had learned that I was interested in leaving “active” science to become an administrator, she felt I had “deserted” my destiny, a destiny which she had a part in forming, and I was now abandoning. The feeling was not uncommon for many with whom I had trained. To leave the academic life of research and teaching was a complete betrayal. Becoming a scientist-administrator in charge of the disbursement of funds in support of their efforts was only slightly more acceptable than becoming an investigator in a pharmaceutical house where you received a salary for your work.

My notes also show that the evening of the day Lucile called was when I attended a meeting of the informal Science and Public Policy discussion group of which I was a member. Although there were a half-dozen or so of us from different governmental agencies who met monthly, this evening only Dick Chapman, from the National Academy of Public Administration, Mel Bolster, from the Personnel Management Office, NIH, and Peter Rumsey, from the Research and Development desk of the Department of Defense, Bureau of the Budget came to my house on Flint Rock Road. (Karen spent the evening with Bob and Sally!) During the years, the discussion group dissolved as each of us became more involved with our actual work and had less time to discuss the theory of what we did. Not only journal writing is driven out by the mundane. Thoughtful discussion of what might be accomplished by your work can be outweighed by the act of doing the work, itself.

The last entry for 1969 was written on January 20. “No work today since it was Inauguration Day for Richard M. Nixon as 37th President of the U.S. Watched the ceremonies and parade on TV. Some year we might go Down Town for it. The day was cold & dreary – fitting for some moaners, I guess. I’m not really one of them. Although I voted for HHH – and why, I’m not sure, I have no animosity toward RMN. I guess last Nov. my feeling was I couldn’t with consistency vote for Nixon, since I once voted for Kennedy. How has Nixon changed in the last 8 years? He must have (or I must have), since 8 years ago I was very anti-Nixon. But why not give him a chance to see what he does or does not do?

Today I did feel sorry for HHH – on TV he looked quite discouraged. Lb., on the other hand, seemed to really mean it when he answered a reporter’s question: “How can a President leaving office be happy?” with the response: “Well, I am!” My guess is that in the coming days, Johnson’s popularity as a former President will increase. He may be another Truman, vilified during his term and beloved afterwards.”

So much for my political observations!

Edit note: This recollection from 1969 was written on January 17, 2019, for the next meeting of our “Legacy in Words” group at Eagle’s Trace. The date of editing it for inclusion in “Cameos and Carousels” is January 8, 2021, two days after the “Four Hour Insurrections” of January 6 when the Trumperians marched on the Capitol, at the urging of the current-but-soon-to-be-former President Donald Trump, and, upon entering the chambers, engaged in acts of vandalism not seen since the British invasion of 1814. I believe there is (or should be) a greater concern about the “peaceful transition of power” two weeks from now, then there was five decades ago! That period saw the Impeachment of Nixon. Some would like to see Mr. Trump’s “Second Impeachment!” within the limited days he has left in this First Term. I’m happy that we, personally, do not have a current “Life in Washington.” All we need to worry about, directly, is the current COVID-19 pandemic! One virus is sufficient.

Death in Washington

It was a late evening in January 1969, and I was about to join Karen, who had gone to bed earlier, when I heard the newscast. With its opening words I realized something terrible had happened; the woman who had been murdered was a friend, Cathy Kalberer. She had been married to Jack, a former Grants Associate and a close, personal friend. On several occasions we had eaten dinner with them in their apartment or at our own house. We were surprised when they had broken up last summer.

Cathy had moved to the Spring Lake Apartments on Democracy Blvd. and Jack remained in the one they had at the Grosvenor Apartments in Bethesda, near the NIH campus. Apparently, Cathy had been brutally stabbed. I noted in my journal at the time: “I had to tell Karen about it – needless to say she (nor I) could sleep the rest of the night. Statistically I suppose everyone will come in contact with a violent death – but you never really believe that.” I certainly didn’t.

The next day, I spoke with Palmer Saunders, Jack’s boss, whom I knew. He had gone with Jack to identify the body. On the way there, they were concerned Cathy had committed suicide. Instead, they found she had been repeatedly stabbed and her body covered with knife marks. Although killed in her apartment, her body had been found in a car outside her building. It was thought that some assailant had followed behind her as she returned to her apartment from grocery shopping.

Several days later I met with Jack in his office. Even after their breakup, he still was deeply in love with Cathy, and remained horror-struck with the development of the reports about the incident. We spoke of our times together; nostalgia was only a partial remedy for the hurt. I was pleased I could provide a sounding board for his reflections.

The NIH and the surrounding Montgomery County were shaken by the event. Evidently, Cathy’s murder was only one in a series. About two weeks before her murder, a 14-year-old girl who had been visiting the Spring Lake Apartments had been killed in a similar manner, by stabbing. Shortly after Cathy’s death, a young FBI secretary in nearby Virginia had also been stabbed in her apartment building. The newspapers pointed out that all three were blonds. Everyone was now making certain to lock their doors and cars. Women were staying away from Montgomery Mall, which was near the Spring Lake buildings. The GA monthly gathering, previously scheduled for the social lounge in Jack’s apartment building, was, of course, cancelled. The deaths were general topics of conversation by NIH members for several weeks afterwards. The cases remained unsolved. The news-coverage was finally concluded because of another death.

On July 18, Mary Jo Kopechne died in a car accident near a bridge at Chappaquidick. The driver was Sen. Ted Kennedy. Again, Karen’s concerns became more personal than what we might have expected them to be. Mary Jo had been a close friend of Francie Callan, Karen’s sorority sister, who having recovered from her broken leg, returned to work at the Library of Congress, where she wrote the one-sentence summary for children’s books processed by the Library. Francie spoke to us of her own views about Mary Jo and the Senator.

But few stories, even those about murders and accidents, have long lives in Washington, D.C. Within days, on July 25, 1969, Neil A. Armstrong walked on the moon. That night, or 2:54 a.m. to be more exact, we had encouraged Deb and Ken to join us around the television in our downstairs family room to watch the dim outlines of human legs and feet as they touched a surface other than one found on our earth. It has become a more significant memory than those of deaths in Washington.

Raising Suburban Kids

Our three kids seemed to enjoy living in the Washington area, even if there were limited opportunities in the immediate neighborhood. Our next-door neighbors in Rockville, the Ditchey’s, had children about their same age, but I don’t recall how much they might have played together. Then, again, I did not have a lot to do about their day-to-day lives at the time. I was there for emergencies.

In January 1969, Karen had gone to the grocery store when Kip came running upstairs, crying loudly. While playing with Ken in the rec-room, he had been crawling under the coffee table and rammed his head into its edge. A four-by-ten-millimeter hole resulted. While I attempted to stop the flow with direct pressure, I sent Deb over to the Thybergs to ask for a ride to the hospital. I had no idea when Karen would get back or how serious the break was. I did manage to stop the profuse bleeding and saw that the cut was too wide to leave open. So, Bob and I took him to the Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, while Sally stayed with Deb and Ken (and cleaned up the mess, I might add.)

The nurse in the emergency room took Kip off immediately, while I filled out some forms. When, after forty-five minutes, they brought Kip out, I learned he had required five stitches – received, I heard, without any crying, complaints, or other events. He had spent the time talking to the staff. I felt that, at three-and-one-half, he had more guts than I did, being thirty years older.

The next day he was fine, except for a band-aid on his forehead. We took him to get a “Billy Blast Off” in payment for his cooperation. With it went a “warning” to him, Ken and Deb that there would be no more “rewards” for getting hurt. There were no other significant accidents, although a year or so later, Ken suffered rug-burns administered, so they claimed, by accident, while Deb and he had been doing some roughhousing. We were fortunate; none of the kids ever broke a bone.

Disciplinary problems were other matters. Parent-teacher conferences went well for Deb who seemed to enjoy school. With Ken, they said he goofed off as often as he could. He seemed to learn rapidly enough, perhaps, too readily, and boredom often overcame him, leading to his mischief in the classroom. He was able to sing the alphabet song before Deb started first grade and was the one who “shamed” her into learning it. He was not challenged, even mathematically, since he could readily do simple multiplication and division in his head while in the first grade. His concept of fractions was better at that time than mine was years later.

On a recurring basis, the three of them presented minimal problems for me; I was the typical, mid-1960s father who went to the office every day. Consequently, Karen became the family nurturer and problem-solver. My responsibility was to see that they went to Mass on Sunday, an occasion which always ended with either donuts or bagels. However, most of the time we tried to promote a joint-front and consistency. On the other hand, at an early age they had learned, especially the boys, that the easiest way to escape any punishment for wrongdoing was to create a disagreement between Karen and me about the potential outcome we might be planning toward them. If we disagreed, they could get away with almost anything.

The major times we spent together were on brief trips to the museums downtown and our extended summer vacations. All three of them enjoyed a long visit to Annapolis with its bright sun, military cannons and boats. The same was true for Monticello and Williamsburg and their early exposure to American history. It was on one of these trips that the boys bought their one and only guns: replicas of colonial pistols which fired caps. Otherwise, games of war had to be fought with fingertips and imagination.

Our favorite site for a summer vacation was Kitty Hawk. The long drive there and back had one “interesting” recurring event: a rest-stop every few hours. Ken said he got to know just about every gas-station between Rockville and North Carolina. Everyone enjoyed the beach and the wind. The only problem was Karen’s fear of heights. She climbed the Lighthouse at Kitty Hawk but refused to step onto the open balcony. The enclosed summit of the Washington Monument was more acceptable. Her phobia of open-air heights lasted until years later, when she finally rode sky-lifts to the tops of several Alpine mountains where we looked down upon air-gliders who ran over the edge of cliffs and sailed to the valleys below. I wonder: did the Wright brothers ever visit Switzerland?

Self-Improvement

Classically, early mid-life is the time for self-improvements. Once a man has reached fifty, the years ahead must be statistically less than the ones which went before. During the fourth decade, i.e., while still in his thirties, he continues to have the time available to make changes. In the mid-to-late 1960s, my years numbered in the thirties. I attempted my own self-improvements.

I had never been athletic. Realistically, post-age-35 did not mean I could suddenly take on a new body-form, even with diet and weight-loss, both of which I did attempt. Among the federal employees of the NIH, I knew no one who played flag-football or pick-up basketball. Even jogging and golf were not reasonable activities for me. The first was too time-intensive and the second, too expensive to begin. But I did want to learn how to swim.

Swimming was claimed to be a fun-activity. Although at Kent State I had taken a brief PE course in swimming, I really never was able to do it in reality. All I did was “pass the course.” Now in my thirties, I thought learning how to swim would not take too much effort, and only minimal equipment! The local YMCA offered courses. I enrolled and spent a few hours on weekends and evenings trying to learn how to float. I had to start somewhere, and this was surely how to begin. I quickly learned how to sink. Since it was in the shallow end of the pool, I could stand up and sputter before trying to drown again. After what seemed like many months, I was able to move my legs in what could be called a frog-kick. Ultimately, my arms produced a breaststroke. At last, I was able to enjoy floating and gliding in the pool when we went on that summer vacation to Kitty Hawk. I even had enough courage and confidence to dip into the Atlantic coastal waters. Karen, who had grown up on Lake Erie, had taught our kids the rudiments long ago. They took great delight in getting me to sputter as often as possible.

So much for physical improvements.

Artistic ones had to be tried, as well. For many years I had envied Karen’s vocal ability and the enjoyment she had by participating in college musicals during our academic years and in madrigal groups in the first years following our marriage. She continued to find and join singing groups in the Bethesda-Rockville area. She sang; I thought I might be able to draw. In elementary and middle school, I had greatly enjoyed drawing, usually based on pictures or photos. It was now time for me to take formal classes.

Once again, the local YMCA was the source for change. I went to evening classes for charcoal figure drawing offered at a very low cost. I learned how to use Conté sticks on newsprint and how to shade charcoal with my fingers or with a chamois cloth. It was great fun to move the crayon on the paper while looking at the edges of a human model sitting in front of us. There was a marvelous fantasy relationship between the speed of the crayon’s movement on the paper and that of my eye following the figure’s contour. By the time the classes concluded with sketching a male nude, my coordination had greatly improved. I never did well with my attempts at watercolors; oils were easier to use. I set up an easel and working space in one of our two storage rooms on the lower level of our house and had a relaxing time, when I was freed from thoughts about federal budgets and science policy questions.

Karen and I also found time for mutual improvements as well as our separate endeavors relating to music or art. We joined a small gathering who was interested in the Great Books – a project based on the academic process used at the University of Chicago. We would read from a set of green paperbacks published by the University and then gather every other week to discuss our views on the subject matter. Several of our assignments covered Greek playwrights. I was reminded of the joy I once had in taking courses in college that included plays from the Greek classics to modern American and European theater.

Although live theater was available in the District and in surrounding areas, such as the Olney Theater north of Rockville, we seldom made the trip to attend any productions. We had been spoiled by the ready availability of cultural events found in the college towns in which we once resided. It was not until we moved to Amherst, Mass. that we once more had such opportunities. Although its construction had begun in 1964 along Rock Creek Parkway, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts did not open until 1971, after we had returned to our life in New England. It was there that we, once more, had even greater opportunities for self-improvement. Meanwhile, I was content with my efforts in swimming, charcoal drawing and the discussion of the Great Books.

May 4, 1970

When I was an undergraduate at Kent State, I never expected the University would someday be a national reference. Then came Monday, May 4, 1970, and the days afterwards. At the time, the Vietnamese war was not on my mind, although it was a preoccupation of many other people, particularly those who maintained we should not be involved in what many saw as a civil war in Southeast Asia. The then-current undergraduates at KSU, as well as those attending other colleges throughout the country, were greatly disturbed by the recent US military incursion into neighboring Cambodia. They began their antiwar protests.

The bars in downtown Kent were packed with students on the evening of the first weekend in May. Some maintained a riot was beginning to start, an event that would not have been possible fifteen years ago, when I went to those same bars.

The beer-soaked revelers arrived back on campus. Somehow, the white, wooden huts housing the ROTC behind the power plant were set on fire and burned to the ground. Governor Rhodes sent the Ohio National Guard, a thousand strong, to prevent further action against the school’s property and personnel. They were present on Monday when many students gathered on the Commons near the Victory Bell, once a favorite location for taking photos of a girlfriend. Even I had one of Karen sitting demurely there.

For some reason that was never known or agreed to, the Guard fired on the students. Within thirteen seconds, four were killed; nine were wounded. The terror of a war in Vietnam became, for the first time, a part of the terror of a war among U.S. citizens on American soil. A photo of a teenaged, runaway girl, Mary Veccio, kneeling over a dying student, Jeffrey Miller, became the image for the new horror. It has become the background photograph for all those who have asked me, upon learning that I graduated from the University: “Where you there before or after Kent State?” They usually omit the word “Massacre.” In some unknown manner, the riot, the shooting, and the devastation have all been encompassed by the name: “Kent State.”

The event and its multiple interpretations appeared on the news reports and in the Washington Post. Books have been written, with varying degrees of accuracy, about the tragedy. The conclusions vary with the writer. Even James A. Michener’s Kent State: What Happened and Why has errors, according to the University, itself. Carl Oglesby wrote his version of the events, based upon the eyewitness accounts of those who suffered there.

I tried to follow some of the published accounts, especially those appearing at the time, but found them troublesome. I preferred my own recollections of those days “before Kent State” when I walked the Hill and passed through its structures which were so important to my own life.

The major post-Kent State event for Karen and me was an invitation to a gathering of alumni hosted by Sen. Ted Kennedy at his home in McLean, Virginia. It was the only time when we entered the grounds of a “celebrity.” We were impressed. We had never been completely engaged with the Senator, especially after the Kopechne incident, but it was in McLean that we gained an appreciation of what charisma the Kennedy’s possessed.

We felt Ted Kennedy’s aura as he walked by us on his rounds and greeted the visitors who had come to reflect on the May 4th tragedy and to honor those whose young lives had been forfeited on behalf of a thankless cause.

It has been a challenge to try to understand the contrast between how the American public reacted to veterans returning from Vietnam and those who served in the Gulf Wars and current conflicts abroad. Thoughts and perceptions vary greatly for those who fought and returned from Vietnam and those who left and never returned from Canada. We rightfully salute those who have had multiple deployments to the Middle East and Afghanistan. Yet those who were drafted to fight in the jungles of Vietnam still bear different scars of war.

Somehow, the images of the massacre at Kent State have become intermingled with those from the Mekong Delta. It has remained difficult to separate the facts and the fiction of the terrors of life.

Why Change?

Change has always been a part of my professional life. It was not that I became bored with my job, but rather, once I had completed an activity to my satisfaction, I wanted to try something else. And so it was that in December 1969. I moved from the National Institute of Arthritis and Metabolic Diseases of the NIH to become Assistant Director of the Division of Research Resources. There was little distinction between an Institute and a Division within the NIH. The current Director of the DRR, Tom Bowery, had finally convinced me I should make the change. My office was now much larger than any I had previously occupied. There was even room for couches, coffee tables and a standard, governmental credenza!

The Division supported large, institution-wide programs involved with multi-disciplinary approaches that cost more money than would be provided by a normal research grant with a highly limited purpose. There were four Branches within the Division.

The Animal Resources Branch funded facilities for animals serving as test subjects. This was a decade before organizations such as “People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals” (PETA) were formed. The expanded resources needed by university researchers who could not obtain funds for the upkeep of individual colonies of animals did follow humane procedures from their inceptions, even though action groups coming later never seemed to accept this premise. The nonhuman primates housed at such sites were very well cared for. I enjoyed visiting the center at the Davis campus of the University of California and the one housed in Seattle for the University of Washington. At the time, there were other centers located in Beaverton, Oregon; San Antonio, Texas; Madison, Wisconsin; and Covington, Louisiana. The most famous, perhaps, was the Yerkes Center affiliated with Emory University.

A counterpart to the nonhuman Animal Resources Branch was the General Clinical Research Centers Branch. It offered institution-wide support to medical schools and hospitals throughout the country so that clinical studies could be undertaken with human subjects having different medical conditions. While the various Institutes of the NIH awarded grants for clinical trials relating to specific diseases of interest to them, this Branch of the DRR funded multi-disciplinary units dedicated to medical studies without being restricted to a particular disease. My discussions with the staff in this branch included problems concerning policy questions and procedural implementation of hospitalization and fee-for service questions for both in-patient and ambulatory studies. These meetings were far different from those focused on the biochemical concepts I had once discussed with colleagues.

A more scientific content was part of my discussions with those in the Special Research Resources Branch, the administrative group supporting the purchase of large equipment that was, for the first time, being used for medical studies. These were the days when not every laboratory could have its own electron-microscope or nuclear magnetic resonance (NMR) machine. This was the initiation of “big science” which was “big” primarily because of the expensive, newly developed equipment, now found within every hospital and medical school, that demanded multiple users to justify the cost of doing research with it.

Counter to the “big science” supported by the Special Research Resources Branch were the institutional awards made by the Branch which managed the BRSG: Biomedical Research Support Grants. Depending upon how much funding a medical school or university received from the NIH, each school was awarded a grant it could use to initiate basic research before such studies led to sufficient results to request funds for an independent award made directly by one of the Institutes of the NIH. In my later professional life, when I was involved with research grants made to either the University of Massachusetts or Baylor College of Medicine, I was also the “Principle Investigator” who managed the school’s BRSG award. It was then that I convened groups of faculty who reviewed requests from other researchers who needed limited support to obtain preliminary data which would justify their approach when seeking additional funds for advanced research. In order to engage in research, a scientist needed to have done enough preliminary work to confirm that the work to be undertaken would be validly approached.

This may be the primary reason why I left the research lab. It was a difficult challenge to solicit funds to prove you can do something before you can do it! Put another way: you need to have changed before you are allowed to change. Once you’ve accomplished something, it’s now time to accomplish something even better.

Another Change in Life-style

By the end of 1970, I made another change in my professional life and in my lifestyle, in general. Although I had been content with my career as a civil servant with the NIH, I continued to dream about a return, someday, to the life of academe. It was now time to return to that dream. Once again, it was a matter of whom you know and what luck you have. Some may call it destiny.

Dick Louttit was a friend and a former Grants Associate. When he graduated from the GA program, he technically left the National Institutes of Health to become a program director with the National Institutes of Mental Health, a companion agency to the NIH, one with Institutes charged with studies of the brain and psychology rather than of the body and physiology. Over the last five years we had maintained a close relationship. In early 1970, Dick left the NIMH to become Chair of the Psychology Department at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. He replaced Dr. Mortimer Appley, who was appointed Dean of the Graduate School for UMA. Mort was now in search of an Associate Graduate Dean for Research. Dick recommended me for the position.

I visited the campus and fell in love with it and the small town of Amherst, which had three colleges and was part of the Five-College Consortium in Western Mass. The town’s population consisted primarily of faculty, staff and students at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst College and the newly formed, innovative Hampshire College.

My childhood dream had been to be the President of a small college. My mother and I had spent many evenings listening to a radio program, staring her favorite actor, Ronald Colman. He played this part, being in charge of The Halls of Ivy. The “Halls” lived a perfect life of action and tranquility on their small, ivy-covered college campus. This is what I wanted out of life. This dream had been an essential part of my educational pathway, especially through Cornell and Dartmouth. I envisioned that Amherst would provide an opportunity for continuing along this road. It did and it didn’t.

If I had remained with the NIH, I probably would have advanced through the existing civil service ranks. As an Associate Director of an institute-level component of the agency, I already held a GS-15 position, the highest level prior to a Congressional appointment. I was not sure I wanted to engage in the “politicking” needed to obtain a GS-16 appointment. Little did I realize, at the time, that academic “politicking” is much more difficult and ego-demanding!

In 1970, I saw only the potential benefits of being associated with one of the Five College institutions. The University of Massachusetts at Amherst was the largest of the five, being one of the major Land Grant schools of the United State, created by the Morrill Acts in the mid-to-late 1800’s, that initiated state agricultural and engineering schools. In Massachusetts, UMA was the “agricultural” school and MIT, the “engineering” institute. Cornell was another unique example with a combined campus for agriculture and engineering supported by state funds and a private college supported by donations. Texas A&M represents the organization of the usual land-grant university.

Amherst College, another member of the Five College Consortium, was a former male-only-college dating back to the 1820s. Hampshire College, with a non-traditional academic program, opened that year, 1970, on the south side of town. Hampshire, ultimately, was too non-traditional and announced its possible closure or merger with another institution in late January of 2019. However, it apparently is still hanging on as 2023 begins!

The other two members of the Five-College Consortium were originally places for women to obtain a private, higher education: Smith College in Northampton, eight miles to the west of Amherst, and Mount Holyoke College about twice as far to the south of town. A student enrolled in any of the Five-Colleges could attend classes at any of the other schools with no additional cost: a great advantage for young adults paying a state tuition at UMA.

When Mort Appley offered me a position as Associate Dean in the Graduate School of UMA, it did not take me long to agree to my return to New England. I eagerly looked forward to another change in my career pathway, one which could lead me toward that dream goal: the Halls of Ivy.

A New England Transition

Immediately following Thanksgiving in 1970, I moved to Amherst; Karen and the kids remained behind until we were able to sell our house in Rockville. They joined me a few days after Christmas. The month of December was very interesting for all of us.

We had purchased a new house on Sheerman Lane overlooking the fields and pastures of UMA, the agricultural land-grant institution for the Bay State. There were only three houses on the street. The Kilmers lived next door, the Sardis, on the opposite side of the lane. Although we lived in town, the three houses were isolated enough so that we had no mail delivery. We did have a box at the post office downtown and went there daily over the next few years, until the addition of a fourth house allowed for home delivery to all of us.

From our front yard we had picturesque views of the Pelham Hills, alive with color, particularly during the autumn foliage season. New England scenery must be seen in person in order to consume it and be consumed by it. Two-dimensional photographs are limited in scope; the viewer must be able to see the reds, golds, yellows and browns in all directions for complete encompassment.

We lived on Sheerman Lane at the right time; the view changed dramatically after we moved. When we returned to Amherst for a summer vacation, several years after having left it, an entire neighborhood now existed on the valley we once beheld as open country. No matter what color trimming their shutters and doors may have, they do not replace the vibrant tones of fall foliage.

Back then, Karen and I had seen our new home in early Fall. During our first winter there, we had an ongoing debate whether we had pine-shrubs growing in front of our house. When the snows finally melted in March, we learned we did. The low-growing junipers slowly reappeared.

Another challenge, albeit a very personal one, occurred during that first December of employment by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. It concerned my paycheck. State employees received a check each Friday. I did not. In order to begin receiving a salary, the employee had to have passed a routine TB test. Having lived for five years in Washington, D.C., I had been sufficiently exposed, as most city residents were, to the bacillus so that my results came back positive. I had to take an in-depth test, which precluded a paycheck for several weeks.

Meanwhile, I lived in a single room in a home owned by one of the University’s wrestling coaches. A Korean couple lived in a basement apartment. The three of us shared the kitchen. On the way home each evening, I bought a frozen dinner at the local grocery store for dinner. Occasionally, I tasted what the other couple had prepared. It was my first exposure to fried seaweed. During that December, I learned to live on P&J sandwiches. I realized what it was like to live in poverty, but unlike those who really existed this way, I did know it would end within the month and my life would return to normal.

Evenings and weekends were spent in my bedroom, reading and learning about the University, while listening to the radio. Sammy Davis, Jr. sang Mr. Bojangels every 15 minutes.

The weather also resulted in another challenge, in addition to the shrubbery discussion. Karen and the kids arrived a week before the moving van did. Between Christmas and New Year’s Day, we spent the nights with air mattresses and sleeping bags kindly provided by a faculty member from the Biochemistry Department in which I held an academic appointment in addition to my administrative one in the dean’s office. Dick and Carol Louttit offered food and their dishes. We survived well in New England, a far different locale than the one we had found in our nation’s Capital, and one to which we had joyfully returned.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Amherst, Mass, was a special place for living a peaceful life. On the north side of the town’s two traffic lights was the University. Around the southern speed guardian was the College and the Town Common, which was the heart of the community. The maple tree on the edge of The Commons was costumed each autumn with red and gold leaves placed there, no doubt, by the same fashion designer who created the wardrobe for the court of the King of Siam. In cold December, the foliage was replaced by the white diamonds of Christmas lights. During the holiday season, carolers gathered around the merry maple. On each weekend of every month, the edge of The Commons held an assembly of silent protestors against war.

The east side of the Commons was hemmed by the old bricks and brownstone of the Town Hall with its clock tower, and by the white planks and green shutters of the Lord Jeff, the hotel named after the colonial general who, it was alleged, pacified the area by distributing smallpox infected blankets to the local native Americans.

The College library, named in honor of the town poet who spoke of walls, flanked the south side of the Commons. The remaining buildings around The Commons held shops, including the Amherst Bookstore and the Peter Pan Bus Station, with their small-pane windows, often rimmed with ice. The grave of another poet, the one who spoke of hope and bird feathers, was only a couple blocks away. The house where the author of the Uncle Wiggly stories had lived in the early ‘50’s was near the Town Library with its ancient floors creaking under its own load of poetry and fiction. This was where anyone could find books for entertainment and pleasure. For local history, there were the documents housed on the second floor, protected from the rest of the building by a dark, narrow, oaken staircase.

A true college town also had places to feed the body as well as the mind. The Gaslight was the site for breakfast at any hour, for both faculty and students. Lunch for faculty was offered by The Pub, located among quaint boutiques such as The Dangling Conversation. For special dinners and parties, faculty went to The Rusty Scupper on the edge of town.

Routinely, meals were consumed on campus, at one of the eateries in the Student Union or The Top of the Campus restaurant crowning this structure, which also housed the university’s hotel where students could earn a degree in hotel and entertainment management.

However, on a daily basis, I usually went with the other deans to dine at the Faculty Club hidden in another historic site in the middle of the campus. When Karen was a graduate student in her Speech and Communications Program, she found that the café in the basement of the Newman Center was a relatively quiet place to study with a cup of coffee.

My first office on campus was located in another ancient brick and granite building, Munson Hall, near the central administration offices found in Whitmore Hall. During my second year at UMA, the Graduate Research Center was opened, and my quarters moved into the multistoried tower designated for the sciences and the newly created program in Computer Studies. I now had a five-minute commute, with Karen dropping me off in the morning or picking me up in the evening. This new location had only one significant problem. It was close enough to our house that I could, too easily, go back to the office in the evening or on weekends. On the other hand, it was also the place for me to find my “alone time.”

Originally, one of the second-floor rooms of our colonial style home was to have been my study. However, Ken and Chris, who had always shared a bedroom, now were at an argumentative age that required separate spaces for a relatively peaceful coexistence. The result was that my study was moved to one end of our large living room. My campus office was the only place I could find for my own personal needs for quietness. It was, also, where I resumed the practice of my journaling. Officially, the workday ended at 5:00 p.m. However, Karen would pick me up at six o’clock, giving me an hour alone, to meditate and to write in my diary.

I have found, in re-reading those pages, which I transferred many years ago to an electronic version, that I had a deep need to be alone with my thoughts, ones that became highly personal, about my married life and our family lives. Those entries do not serve as a source for these current reflections, but rather remind me of the difference of being “alone” and of being “lonely.” They also give a detailed, but boring, account of academic politics in which I came to realize that administrative differences are more deadly within the university than within the bureaucracies of the federal government. A college town may be the place for a peaceful life, but the same is not true for the college, itself.

Academe

Munson Hall could have been part of a movie set for an American campus at the turn of the last century. Its brownstone foundation supported ancient bricks bound together by ivy, red in the fall and green in the summer months. The medium-sized classrooms had been converted into large offices. Mine was in a back corner, complete with a boarded-up fireplace and windows that rattled with the seasonal winds. Just outside my door was the entrance to the building’s single water closet, a place with a very appropriate name. Every day I waved to most of the staff for the Graduate School and for the University Press, located in the basement level, who routinely passed my door on their way to this nearby facility.

Since my office was across the dark-oak paneled foyer and at a distance from the classrooms now serving the administrative needs of the rest of the Graduate School, I did not have direct access to my secretary, Linda, who was part of the pool in the School’s general office. This positioning did lead to a problem in the first week of my being the new Associate Graduate Dean for Research. I had met Linda on the first day; on the second day I could not find her. I thought I recalled what she looked like but was very uncertain about which secretary was assigned to me. It was not until several days later, when Linda changed back to the wig she had worn on my first day, that I realized what was happening. Yes, this was the time when young ladies changed their hair as frequently as they did their dresses. However, this action should be avoided by a pooled secretary with a new boss.

Another surprise was the lifestyle of academic administrators in comparison with those who worked according to the rules of federal service employees. At the end of the day, once the office staff had left the premises at 5:00 p.m., the deans gathered in Mort Appley’s office. He was the Graduate Dean. Gene Piedmont was the Associate Dean for Graduate Student Affairs. The three of us would meet for a small glass of sherry and conversation. Although the campus license covered only drinks served in the Faculty Club and in the bar associated with The Top of the Campus restaurant, it was deemed to be acceptable that collegial conversations were somehow exempt from such mundane restrictions. Occasionally, we would be joined by a financial executive officer, another academic dean or a departmental chairman. Academic life was, indeed, very civilized. At least on the surface. Politics in Academe was another matter.

Constant battles were waged between the Office of the Chancellor of the Amherst campus and that of the President located in Boston. Warfare concerning who was really in control was also waged among the faculty, through its “Faculty Senate,” and the “Administration” – either campus-wide or within the various Colleges. Each Department Chairmen added to the daily salvos. My own engagements primarily involved Warren Gulko, the golden boy of Chancellor Bill Bromery. Warren was the Budget Director for the campus. I was never certain about the reasons for my ongoing feuds with him, but they did occur routinely. They prompted me, finally, to look elsewhere for the continuation of my career.

My professional role was to assist the faculty in obtaining external grant support for their research projects. I had a very modest budget which I could use to stimulate scholarly work in all of the university’s efforts, from the Arts through the Sciences, as well as in the Business School and in the School of Education. I chose to have a Faculty Research Council help me decide who should receive funding for the individual research applications they submitted to my office. It was a challenge to encourage biological scientists to support the work of visual artists who needed funds for their paints and other materials, as well as to obtain the cooperation of social, behavioral and physical scholars.

Since my signature provided the official approval before any application could be submitted for external support from federal agencies as well as from private foundations, I did have an opportunity to learn something about almost everything being studied in the university. Most of the time, I had fun: learning about the interests of the human mind and spirit. It was not fun to learn, first-hand, about the foibles of human nature. However, the events and the results for both instances were usually: “merely academic.”

Swimming in New England

The main reason for an in-the-ground swimming pool in New England was an unsatisfying week on Cape Cod. At least this was true for us. During our first summer back in the northeast, we decided we should take a week’s vacation on the Cape. After a long wait in lines of traffic, we finally completed our journey across the canal at Bourne and arrived on the extended arm of the Bay State. We had rented two rooms in a motel in one of the quaint towns along the southern, ocean side coast. That was the first problem.

Brochures and word-of-mouth made the villages picturesque, and they did live up to this reputation, most of the time, but the motels on this side of the Cape were tourist traps. The one at which we stayed was far from any private beach. All of the ocean side town beaches were make-believe beaches. They held only a few grains of sand, unlike the beaches of the mid-Atlantic states. Here the New England coastline consisted primarily of pebbles and larger rocks, which did not accommodate our tender, non-Yankee feet. And the water was cold. Only natives of the Commonwealth could venture into the water at more than an ankle-deep level. The Bayside was somewhat better. There, a visitor could find a few more grains of sand, a few less pebbles, and warmer water, albeit with a surf that was actually only knee-deep for some distance from the shore.

And then there were the rains, daily showers, for seven days. Summer had disappeared from the Cape and stranded us there, enclosed for much of the time by the walls of the motel, a refuge where we and our kids could argue without interruption. The five of us tried to escape in our station-wagon to drive to tourist attractions between Falmouth and Provincetown and back again to Sandwich. Being isolated in the multiple seats of a slowly moving vehicle (the traffic reappeared despite the showers) offered a slightly better environment than the confines of the motel. We returned, finally, to Amherst and vowed not to endure another family-vacation on Cape Cod.

Instead, during the second summer we lived in Amherst, we decided to have a swimming pool dug in our backyard. After all, many of our faculty friends had such facilities behind their own homes. I was never certain if they, too, had the construction problems we discovered.

We had not realized our house had a small underground river flowing beneath it. For several weeks our sons enjoyed sitting on the bulldozer and the trench-digger residing there, as our contractor attempted to empty out the hole he had started at my request. Later, I, myself, put in the French drains around the pool and planted the willow tree in the lowest part of the yard to provide a way to keep the chlorinated water and the natural fluids in separate locations.

And then came the bricks. With some encouragement, our boys helped Karen and me lay pavement blocks in the packed sand which we had wheel-barreled into place and tamped down as the foundation. I lost count of the number of bricks we put into position around the pool, but there was enough left over to make interesting piles and short fences in appropriate, nearby sites. At least, I did develop a magnificent tan while working in the yard that summer.

Then came the fall, and the time to “close” the pool, a process followed by other transplanted Yankees who had decided that swimming from June through August was worth the effort of closing and opening their pools every late September and early May.

Depending upon which season was approaching, I had to either lower or raise the level of the water in the pool by using its pumps accordingly. Then I floated (or removed) the log or two needed to prevent the water from freezing during the winter months. A blue, plastic tarpaulin covering the pool added to its protection. This cover was sufficiently porous to allow melting snow to pass through it when the winter sun made its way slightly above the horizon in December and January.

Each spring called for the ritual of “shocking” the pool. A mixture of salts and other chemicals killed the dark-green algae which had reproduced, even in the cold weather, throughout the pool. In some magical way, the green coloration vanished, and the blue tints returned. Once more we could jump into the chilled water that ultimately provided daily comfort for us in midsummer when the humidity in the Connecticut Valley became high enough to allow tobacco leaves to be harvested for the outer covering for some of the best cigars manufactured in the States.

In the end, the entire annual effort was worth the anxiety of wondering what a week-long vacation might be like on Cape Cod. Besides, there were some pool-less friends and their kids who did enjoy coming over for a swim and hotdogs during July.

Bulbs, Buds, Beetles and Bees

Every spring there was a race in our front yard. The crocus was the usual winner. Stretching toward this seasonal goal line, their blue, purple and yellow hands would open wide. Accompanying thin blades of green pierced the melting snow, which attempted to thwart them. Quickly following the ground display, came the sky-thrust branches of the forsythia covered with four-petaled blooms in yellows of various tints. Yellow is not merely yellow; it shouts with a variety of tones.

The first tree I planted in the middle of our front yard was a cherry which, each spring, poured forth its pink-white blossoms a bit later than did the forsythia and its companion pussy willows with their grey-fur puffs on leafless branches. The Japanese cherry yielded no fruit, but only its colorful petals, which quickly blanketed the ground beneath it. The wild apple trees in the vacant field next to our front-yard did not bear fruit either, but their white-pink blossoms complemented those of the cherry tree as they, too, blew away on the spring breeze.

Meanwhile, red Emperor tulips and Dutch daffodils, with their golden corona surrounding darker crowns, burst from bulbs planted the previous fall and allowed to cool naturally in the ground. Years later, in Houston, I learned that a refrigerator had to replace nature in order to grow anything from bulbs. It was such foolishness as this that sidetracked my gardening instincts when we moved to Texas. Near the Gulf Coast, I needed to forget those plants I had loved but which refused to grow in my newly discovered semi-tropics. In Texas I had to learn about plants that might survive if they were covered by sheets and towels when the temperatures dropped in January.

The purple, violet and red rhododendrons concealing the foundations for our house in Amherst had to be forgotten. I learned to accept azaleas of a similar color and function in a misnamed Spring, Texas. The perennial mountain laurel, which existed through New England snows and released pink, white and variegated blooms in late spring and early summer, could no longer be grown along the side of our house.

And then there were the lilacs, standing guard in a row along the chain-link fence in our Northeastern backyard. To my surprise these bushes became the home, one year, for a swarm of passing bees. Fortunately, a local beekeeper quickly arrived and was pleased to add to his own hives the thousands accompanying their queen to a new realm. Evidently, she liked a lilac fragrance as much as I did, and for which I continue to long.

Unlike transient honeybees, our Japanese beetles came each summer to take up residence with our hybrid tea roses, majestic in their hues of pink, apricot, yellow and red. Although magnificent in color, the teas had no fragrance. But if I got close enough, I could make out the odor of the red geraniums planted among them as a hoped-for natural protection from the beetles, which enjoyed munching on the roses every chance they had. On the other hand, my primroses were not attacked by the beetles who preferred the real thing. I had planted these small, colorful mounds in a rock garden near the willow tree in our back yard.

Yes, the willow was there to draw up water which, otherwise, would have accumulated in the lower regions of the yard. I was distressed to observe, when we visited Amherst years later, that the willow was gone. I don’t know why the new owners engaged in such a crime. At least the blue spruce I had planted at the side of the house was still there, albeit at a height I could not believe achievable. Fortunately, I had planted this pine tree far enough from the side of the house to allow for such an event. The cherry tree was also of an appropriate size, as was the mountain ash I had planted near the driveway.

Of course, there were also the annuals and semi-annuals I replaced each year, in an attempt to learn what I liked and what would grow during the short New England summer and fall. There were bleeding hearts with their bright pink puffs and white drops. Red coxcomb added interesting shapes. I also planted blue lupine to give their unique color to the beds. The gladioli, which were tall enough to require staking, offered their own bright colors. The chrysanthemums planted for display in the autumn had hues that were deeper in the red, yellow, orange and bronze part of the spectrum. They looked regal near the red brick patio surrounding the swimming pool.

I fell in love with gardening in New England. Each Saturday Karen would take the boys to the stadium to watch the UMA Minutemen play football, while I listened to a radio broadcast of the game so I knew when I should stop working in the yard and take my shower before I met her and our friends for the usual after-game gathering at someone’s home.

Making decisions on what to plant and how to prune those beautiful beings was much healthier for me than worrying about the next problem the faculty would bring to my attention. If I could have taken a whack at some of them, my life would have been very different. It was for our mutual welfare that whacking weeds and de-heading spent blossoms was of benefit to both humans and non-humans in this New England college town with its bulbs, buds, beetles and bees.

Phoebe

Phoebe did not like fireworks. She, also, did not like green peas. I suppose her dislike, even fear, of the explosions in the sky was the result of her coming to us as a very young puppy on the Fourth of July in 1971. She also did not like thunder. The kids, especially Deb, tried to calm her with each rumble, but she would continue to shake long after the sound had gone away. Fortunately, in New England, unlike in Texas, the New Year’s celebration was devoid of firecrackers; there she needed to endure only one day a year for celebratory explosions.

As for the peas, I was never sure why she refused to eat them when they were part of her daily meal of Alpo. Although Phoebe grew into a large dog carrying the genes of both a black Labrador and a German Shepherd, her tongue was able to push aside each pea so that they remained in the bottom of her bowl after she had licked everything else clean. In later years, she was also able to separate pills from real food when dog-medicine had to be administered. Many times, she would even unwrap the cheese in which we had embedded the pill and leave the offending particle behind, to be forced down, later, by throat stroking.

Phoebe was a bright canine, or at least one who was willing to be trained easily. She learned that her inside-the-house domain consisted of the kitchen and adjoining family room. When she was merely a small, cuddly pup, we placed boards across the doorways into the living room, hallway, and dining room. In her mind, they remained present as a barrier long after they were physically removed. Of course, scooching didn’t count. If we were in the living room, usually when friends came to visit, Phoebe would stretch out in the hallway with her front legs extending forward while half of her body reclined on the carpet. She might wriggle a little in order to gain a few additional inches of carpet-softness, but she knew there were limitations and would be reprimanded if she overlapped too much into the living room.

Being a German Labrador, she preferred existence as an outdoor dog, most of the time. She roamed the fields around our house and probably went, on occasion, to visit Tilson Farm, the Umass agricultural area bordering our backyard. She often accompanied Deb on her own visits to the horses stabled there.

Phoebe also enjoyed frolicking in the snow during half the time we lived in Amherst. On the other hand, Houston is where she immediately became an indoor dog. Although she had the short, brown-black hair of her ancestors, she did not like either the humidity or the temperature when she was forced, several times a day, to attend to outdoor matters. However, in Amherst she spent most of her spring, summer and fall days in our large, enclosed backyard.

At the same time, she did like to know about those who passed by. She was able to mount the woodpile by the front fence and peer over the seven-foot-high boards. To a passing observer her head either floated in the air or was attached to a giraffe-legged dog!

During her aging days in Houston, Phoebe developed several problems being an indoor creature. There were the fleas which followed her everywhere and loved to alternate between her body and the shag carpet of her newly confined family room (the board trick worked as well in Texas as it did in Massachusetts.) No treatment we tried seemed to separate her from the very small critters that accompanied her.

Phoebe, toward the end of her fourteen years with us, began to develop the usual problems of large dogs. Her hip joints no longer held up as well as they had when she was younger. She was more content to spend the days sleeping than roaming. She remained a friend with family members but was uncertain around strangers whom she might nip.

Finally, one day Karen coaxed her into the car, an event that Phoebe had once enjoyed except when she seemed to know that the office for our veterinarian was the destination. On that particular day, only Karen returned home. Since then, we have never had another canine friend living with us.

College Town Twirlers and Tasters

“Honor your partner; honor your corner. And do-si-do.” It took a while to expand the series of commands our caller gave us, but we learned them so we would not “break down the square,” a terrible offense unless you were a raw beginner. We could laugh about our errors for the first few sessions, but if we wanted to continue with the weekly gatherings of the College Town Twirlers, we had to take the calls seriously, maybe even arrive a little early for practice before the other couples appeared. And they would all be there on time.

If you came late, there might not be three other couples to complete a square, and you would need to wait until someone got tired and wanted to take a time-out. That did not happen very frequently; square dancers seemed to have an inexhaustible energy for two or three hours of swinging a partner.

The Twirlers came from several towns around Amherst. Since all of them were, in some way, a college town, the group’s name was highly appropriate when we joined with others for expanded sessions throughout the Connecticut valley. During the day, the Twirlers were faculty members, staff in an academic department or even employees from dining services.

One of the more active Twirlers was the chief glassblower for the University. He had a lot of wind and great endurance during all of the sets. If you were a close friend, he might give you a special, handmade ornament to hang on your Christmas tree. Being his boss, I received several designs over the years. He was so well known for the scientific glass-apparatuses he fabricated that five executives from several Japanese commercial glass companies visited Amherst when they were at an international meeting in Boston, not realizing, at the time, that Amherst was not a suburb of Boston. They gave him a miniature Shogun warrior; he gave them unique glass-blown artifacts.

Those who were active square-dancers were as conspicuously dressed as any Shogun warrior or kimonoed geisha performer. Yards and yards of crinoline were essential underpinnings for the dresses Karen wore to the dances we attended. Her skirts consumed a significant space in our closet. Men, however, wore simple plaid shirts and carried a large red handkerchief in a back pocket. It is only in the West that men wear cowboy shirts and bandanas around their necks. And boots. Up north, for square dances held in gyms rather than barns, the men had to wear tennis shoes or sneakers to protect the polished floorboards on which they moved.

Square dancing was not our only activity for social pleasure. It might be considered as the countermeasure for our other hobby, gourmet dining. Faculty wives, and occasionally faculty husbands, would prepare dinners we would share with one another on a rotational basis in our homes. Multiple groups belonging to the Faculty Wives Club would be responsible for a particular dish created from recipes given out to all of its members. Since faculty often lived within local neighborhoods, it was common for the appetizer to be eaten at one home, the entree at another and the dessert at a third location. The cuisine of a unique country would be chosen for the monthly gatherings. Karen and I usually enjoyed the selections given to the group, except for the Indonesian evening which seemed to have peanut butter in every offering, including the soup and main course.

Along with square dancing and gourmet dinners for interactive social gatherings, there were the usual cocktail parties for holidays. One of the more memorable gatherings was the Spinelli May Wine Pig Roast. Actually, few attendees really remembered it, or at least, how it ended. One magnificent spring day, Franco Spinelli and his Hawaiian wife hosted a true pig roast in their back yard. The pit had been dug early in the morning, and a small hog was anchored on a spit above it. May wine with flower blossoms and greenery was served while we waited for the roasting to be finished. However, no one knew exactly how to determine that finale. So, the many guests continued to consume the marvelous May wine, until the pork was ultimately served and all of the guests, themselves, were equally “porked.” Later, it was very difficult to recall the names of those whom you met at the Spinellis.

Other significant social gatherings were for card parties. Couples-bridge or party-bridge was the form which Karen and I enjoyed most. Both of us found duplicate bridge to be sufficiently competitive. However, she was also part of a woman’s bridge group that apparently was held mainly for gossip, with only a few hands played throughout a session.

At the same time, a college town such as Amherst provided a spectrum of choices for us to enjoy as a couple. The University offered theater in the form of dramas and comedies as well as music by visiting or local orchestras and chamber groups. I, myself, developed an interest in modern dance performances. Of course, there were also traveling and permanent exhibits in the art galleries.

Very good friends of ours, Bill and Sally Venmen, were leaders of the local Gilbert and Sullivan Light Opera Company. Each year Bill directed (and Sally did everything else) a different G&S performance. Karen sometimes had a part in the supporting cast. One year, she was a young fairy in Iolanthe. It gave her a one-time-only excuse to die her hair and go flitting about in a diaphanous costume. Deb, on the other hand, expressed her dramatic interests by being a junior assistant (director) for Bill while still in high school.

A college town might be small in geographic size and with a limited population of faculty and students, but its cultural environment can be equal to any city in the country, from New York to Houston to Los Angeles. Here one can twirl in a variety of patterns and not be limited to square dancing all of the time.

HTE

Only the individual can change one’s own behavior. Much of that change depends upon what might be called “free will,” a decision to do or not do something, to accept or reject an offering, or even an event. On the other hand, B.F. Skinner, a psychologist, believed in the process of operant conditioning, which excludes the notion of free will. Behavior is modified through rewards and punishments administered when the subject originally acts. The one bringing about the change in behavior administers either a suitable reward or punishment to prompt a repeat of the original, spontaneous action.

HTE, Herbert Todd Eachus, was a Skinnerian. Todd gave me a special reference for the concept of “BFF.” When we met in the early 1970’s, he was in the School of Education, and involved in speech and hearing therapy, a program being phased out because of a loss of external grant support. I needed an assistant and, finally, had the funds from President Bromery and his budget director, Warren Gulko, to hire one. I hired Todd. Over the next five years, we became close friends. And in the process, I became a different person.

HTE was a “surfer dude.” He had grown up in Southern California and was involved with swimming and water polo. About the same time as I hired Todd, I had begun building that swimming pool in our backyard. He, his wife, Maureen, and their two sons, Todd Hunter and Kevin, would visit and make use of the pool on occasion. I envied his ability to wear Speedos. I knew I never could, nor would, wear anything like that, but I could, and did, lose weight, a significant amount. It was not due to the Skinnerian method he held so dear. It was merely by example, which might be some form of what Skinner professed, anyway.

Admittedly, Todd was responsible for my going with him for my first exposure to a hairstylist rather than a barber. The early 70’s was, also, the time of the leisure suit. I remember one of mine was light blue; the other a brown, checked one. In neither case did I look like John Travolta nor Elvis. At least, I was significantly taller than Danny DeVito.

While Todd had an influence on my physical appearance, the changes he brought about in my behavior and attitudes were even more pronounced. We spent the end of the day either with a sherry in my office or a beer in a local pub or at my house. I preferred that the workday be concluded with a pleasant, general conversation and other worthwhile discussions. I longed for the intellectual life of the Halls of Ivy, a radio program from my young days, one which had initiated my dreams of the university life as a professor or even a college president. Todd, however, returned the focus of our discussions to events involving our work, rather than our past-times.

Nevertheless, I looked forward to our daily interactions in the office and after-hours. I also became more interactive with other people; my social life expanded; and I took a few more social risks than I might have taken in the past. I, also, became more involved with the political process that was an essential, but unexpected, part of university life.

Warren Gulko may have given me funds to hire an administrator to work with me, but he made me regret every minute of his largess. He kept threatening to transfer my position from the Graduate School to the Finance Office, over which he had direct control. The situation was not helped by the continuing changes in the Graduate School, itself. Mort Appley, the Graduate Dean who had brought me to UMA, left to become president of Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts. Richard Woodbury, who was the chair of the Anthropology department, became the Acting Graduate Dean for 1972-73. He was followed by Vere Chappell, a professor in the Philosophy department, in 1973-74. The final Acting Graduate Dean during my time with the Graduate School was Eugene Piedmont, a sociologist and previously the Associate Graduate Dean for Student Affairs, as I was the Associate Graduate Dean for Research.

The pinnacle of my political battles with Warren, with regard to Todd and related events, came in 1974, while I was attending an academic-administration meeting at the Playboy Club in New Jersey. Todd phoned to tell me his salary was being deleted and the office was being moved.

Upon my immediate return to Amherst, and in the weeks following his notification, I had a series of conferences about the future of my position. At the same time, a search was underway for the engagement of a new Vice Chancellor for Financial Affairs. The negotiations I had with Warren and President Bromery included my own future as a Vice Chancellor.

After several semi-political interactions with others on the campus, the result was the creation of a new Office of Grant and Contract Administration (OGCA) that was not part of the Graduate School. I now was to report to Robert Gluckstern, the Vice Chancellor for Academic Affairs and Provost of the campus. Todd became the new Director for the OGCA at the Boston campus of the University. When, in 1977, Bob Gluckstern was chosen to become the Chancellor of the University of Maryland, my own future was, once more, up for grabs. I became interested in how it would be best for me to consider new options.

A Day in Court

Some forty-five years later, I am not sure why the University of Massachusetts was being sued in the Superior Court in Northampton. My diary notes make no specific reference, but they do include details about my observations of that day in court. I have found them interesting enough to include here.

One is first impressed with the ramshackle nature of the Court, itself – something out of a movie set. The hard benches for the visitors, the old-fashioned, hanging, ball chandeliers and carpeting of the court area, the high bench with bookshelves behind, the formality of the warder (or whoever the guy in dress suit and brown vest is.) Then comes the informal banter of the lawyers, particularly Richard Howland representing the student, Dinsmore, whom he never addresses. In fact, it appears that Howland is not really interested in his client at all – although he might be interested in the concept of whether records under Federal closure are or are not open to the public.

Finally, the judge does enter and, indeed, the court does rise while the oyez is intoned – really intoned! The formality of the ceremonial I find to be very interesting. No, I am not bored; the observations are all new. It’s impossible to hear what is being said most of the time. Thus, I depend on sights and feelings.

The first case is the arraignment of a man – short, thin, greying hair, youngish pinched face behind steel-rim glasses, blue pinstripe suit. Ceremoniously plunked down on a straight-back chair in front of the bar separating the visitors from the red-carpeted court itself. The charges are read – a series of alleged rapes of a young girl over the last two years. To each charge he quietly responds “not guilty” as his bearded lawyer stands nearby. A strange performance. But stranger yet is the bulky, uniformed attendant, who whispers information to me, since I have the aisle seat, to relay to Ken Johnson, (the UMA treasurer sitting next to me.) It appears that the hearing is to lower the man’s bail. But more strangely, the girl whom he supposedly raped is his eight-year-old stepdaughter. Now here is an item for a story. If true, what would drive a man, even the diminutive homunculus here, to rape an eight-year-old? Who finally brought charges? The wife? A neighbor? And who would bear witness? The bail is not lowered; the case is to be continued; and the man returned to custody – led away by two towering deputies. His head is on his chest; he shuffles out. Blue suit and white socks on a counterman from a third-class diner.

The second case, a man in a green work-shirt and pants – with a black tie recovered later by one of the policemen in attendance. (Must you wear a tie in court?) Tall, rawboned, poxed face – a service-station man of the 1950’s – not today’s who have long hair and are younger. His charge is possession of a stolen car. But his case is dropped. The swallowed acoustics prevent my knowing why. He turns from the bar and is guided out, having yielded up the black tie, with red, bony hands grasping each other. No smile, but a half-hidden expression of relief.

The third case is “Dinsmore vs. Johnson.” The lawyers, Howland, Myers and Brown – from the State Attorney’s General Office are asked to approach the bench. The acoustics once again turn everything into a record at the wrong, slow speed. You know there are words, but there is no meaning. Finally, it’s announced that the judge wants the facts and would, on their basis, give a legal interpretation. But this would come only after a recess.

The recess time I spend chatting with Jack De Nyse (the University’s business manager) and Betsy Egan, of all people. (She is the realtor who sold us our house.) She is to be a witness in a case on a defaulted house sale. You find all sorts of people in court.

Howland then thanks me for obeying the summons and says we can leave. No witnesses are to be called. Written briefs will be presented for the two sides. And so back to the office.

In the mid-seventies when this trial occurred, there was beginning to be an interest in what the federal government might be supporting within universities in the matter of “military” research. It was possible that the “student, Dinsmore” was concerned about research with funds from DARPA, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. UMA received minimal support from this agency; I must have been called because of my responsibilities for research grants. DARPA has been credited with the creation of the “Internet.”

Donut Drives

Karen went back to school, and we ate a lot of donuts when we lived in a New England college town in the mid-sixties. Amherst had a large number of faculty wives who became interested in a new movement known as “women’s liberation.” In 1963, Betty Freidan had published her book, The Feminine Mystique, which stimulated discussions among many of our friends, both male and female. Women, who once thought only their husbands could be part of the academic world, realized that they, too, had roles within the professorial profession.

Several of our female friends left the Faculty Wives Club and began attending meetings at the Women’s Center. Karen went to several sessions, but, when she discovered that a major activity for this new group was actually “husband bashing,” she decided she had other ways to pursue these new issues. She did not continue to attend their meetings even though we retained a social interaction with many who did.

Rather than being part of the Women’s Center, Karen decided to enter graduate school, where she earned a master’s degree in the department of Speech and Communication Studies.

Since, as an undergraduate, she had been an English major with a history minor, her choice seemed appropriate; besides we knew several couples who were associated with this Department at UMA. She was offered a position as a teaching assistant and, being a faculty wife, had a partial tuition reimbursement. Her academic studies would cost more in her time and effort than in any financial burden. Our three kids were in middle school or high school so that her efforts in child-rearing were minimized. Nevertheless, she felt she still needed to continue to be a housewife and mother around our home. There was no reason for me to object to this combination! When I did try to help around the house, some of our discussions became more intense than I would have preferred.

The only problem I really had was how to spend my “spare time” in the evenings. I continued to read and engage in my hobby as a gardener. On the other hand, there was a limitation to the time I wanted to spend reading as well as the time allowed by the weather for planting and weeding. Karen had to study in the evenings, when I no longer had the need nor desire to follow suit. I had done enough studying during my own graduate-student years. Now I wanted time after the workday to relax with my spouse.

The result: we began our “donut drives.” We were fortunate that the kids were now of an age they could be left unsupervised while we left the house for an hour. Our next-door neighbors, the Kilmers, were aware of our almost-daily journeys, in the event that an emergency might occur. Only once did that happen during the two-plus years Karen was a graduate student.

As usual, we parents were in the wrong, since we had never said that Ken could not carve wooden figures while we were gone. Jenny Kilmer and Deb did stop the bleeding until we had returned and could take him to the clinic for a few stitches in his hand. We did not give up our “donut drives”; we merely changed the rules for what could and could not be done during our absences.

Even with the possibility that accidents might occur while we were away from the house, our after-dinner drives remained to be essential for our life as a couple. In a short time, we learned about the quality of the coffee and of the pastry in every small diner within five miles of home. On a weekend, we would extend our milage to include drives along the Connecticut River as far as Greenfield to the North and Springfield in the South.

There was ample time to be a young man and woman and not merely a husband and wife, or a father and a mother. Our conversations did not focus on our roles within the family. Instead, they included enjoyable academic topics relating to Karen’s new life as a student involved in Colonial American history and literature. I learned a lot about rhetoric and conspiracy theory: subjects which proved valuable to my later interests in theology and political science. Karen had a particular fascination with Salem and its witch trials, along with Cotton Mather and the University’s archives of the Northampton gazettes she perused on microfilms.

Our “donut drives” involved more than physical eating and drinking; they also fed our minds and thoughts. They allowed us to be both individuals and a happily married couple.

Nantucket Kidnaping

Karen was scheduled to complete all of her academic requirements for her master’s degree in Speech and Communication Studies with an eight-hour, written examination taken over a two-day period. As her reward for this arduous task, I planned to kidnap her. She was, I believe, totally unaware of the forthcoming celebration, even when I would suddenly ask her a question about whether or not she wore a girdle! I had to do the packing for a week-long trip and did not want to omit any item that might be a requirement for the journey. I had sworn the kids to secrecy and had the agreement of our next-door neighbor, Jenny Kilmer, to be available just in case of an emergency.

On the afternoon of Karen’s second-day exams, I picked her up as I had done several times before. As we drove out of town, she thought we were going on the usual donut-drive to celebrate and relax. By the time we entered the Massachusetts Turnpike, she realized this was not going to be our usual drive. She readily entered into the adventure without knowing our final destination. By late afternoon, we arrived at Woods Hole for an overnight stay prior to boarding the ferryboat to Nantucket Island. I finally revealed to her the site for our week-long vacation.

The next morning, we chugged off to Martha’s Vineyard, where day-trippers disembarked, and we continued on to the real island off the tip of Massachusetts. As usual, it was a pleasant, if breezy, passage. The trip was long enough for the stress of the mainland to be blown away and the examinations forgotten. Now we could arrive, unburdened, on the weathered dock on Nantucket. We had left our car and our cares at Woods Hole.

During our seven years in Amherst, Karen and I managed to visit the Island on several occasions. The days there tended to blur together into a very peaceful and harmonious oneness. At the moment, I’m not sure what might have been the details for this particular kidnaping and which ones were experienced at other times. The exact sequence was much less important than the emotions evoked by the Island, itself.

There were the cottages, themselves, built recently, no doubt, but with materials to maintain the weathered, grey-shingled, one-story appearance of those erected centuries ago. The flowers in the white window-boxes changed with the season, but nothing else did.

We have stayed in small accommodations on the outskirts of the Town as well as in the main hotel in its center. The experience of sleeping in one quaint cottage almost killed us, or at least Karen, literally.

It was summertime. We had gone to sleep with the window above our bed in an open position to allow the sea-fragrant breezes to enter during the night. At some hour after we had retired, we heard a very loud thump as the pane of the opened window slid down the wall at the head of our bed and toppled over enough to tap Karen on the forehead as we were awakened from our sleep. If the windowpane had fallen outwards, rather than slipping down the wall, the ending of this tale would have been dramatically, perhaps fatally, different. On the next day, when we informed the landlord of our “mishap,” he expressed his concern and said he would attend to fixing the window. We were too naive at the time, and the age was less litigious than today’s; we should have requested a reimbursement of our rental fee, at the very least.

For daytime enjoyment and relaxation, there were the sand and surf, especially on the south side of the Island. The grains of sand were soft and comfortable for burying feet; the ocean breezes for cooling down the rest of the body. The best way to travel from Nantucket Town to the southern shore was by a pleasant bike-ride over the narrow road cutting through flat, grass-covered dunes.

Shopping with or without buying anything was a very enjoyable pastime for spending a day in Nantucket Town or along its harbor. The small-pane windows of the shops displayed every nautical souvenir that could be designed by a craft-focused New Englander. They, also, wove Nantucket baskets, with their unique shapes, and created lids that included finely-inscribed scrimshaw on pseudo-ivory whalebones.

Of course, there was the food. During one visit, I managed to become a pescatarian and avoided red meat for every meal on the Island. I resumed eating cheeseburgers once we returned to Amherst. We also returned from Karen’s kidnaping trip with a few new items of clothing for her; evidently, I had not packed her suitcase as well as I had expected!

Kid Days

Strangely, perhaps, I’ve written little about events pertaining directly to Deb, Ken or Chris, who was known as Kip back then. It’s possible we had minimal interactions during their early teen years and, as a result, I have not retained many memories of what we did together. I do recall vacations: days when we returned to Hanover and Ithaca. Of course, there were also the returns to Ohio to spend time with either my parents or with the Swanks. Before the kids were born and Karen and I still lived “back east,” the two of us made several trips each year, not only every summer, but also at Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. A half-century later, they all blur together.

But what about the non-vacation-trip time together? Each of us seemed to have lived our lives independently. Other than for major chores, such as building that patio around the swimming pool, I don’t remember what I did with either of the boys or Deb. I had always “done my own thing” while growing up. I spent minimal time with my mother and father, actually no time at all! This may have led to my not spending time with my own three offspring. I gave them the same none-interaction opportunities I had received. They each did their own thing; Karen and I did ours, either alone or together.

Deb had theater and horses. She acted in, or directed several, one-act plays. She seemed to enjoy it, but if I recall, she, too, wanted to be “alone” at times. After the plays, she not infrequently came home to spend the rest of the evening in her room, not venturing out to the after-the-play parties, even when fellow actors came to the house to encourage her to join with them. I never learned why she did what she did, or why she felt what she was feeling. Perhaps, I should have been more interactive in her life. However, I was proud when I saw what she accomplished in Blithe Spirit. It was no surprise that she decided to major in theater in college. I wasn’t sure about what the opportunities might be for her future “employment,” but I did not object to the liberal education such an approach might yield. We visited both the Mellon Institute in Pittsburgh and Syracuse University as the preferred places for her to start her career in the theater. For her performance portfolio, she chose a scene from Belle of Amherst. It seemed highly appropriate, what with Emily’s grave downtown.

Deb also had a few other distinct approaches to life. I was not displeased when I read her letter-to-the-editor, which appeared in the Amherst newspaper, about sex education in her high school, although I did encourage her to tell me about future postings before they were printed in the newspaper.

Ken had his musical interests matching Deb’s theatrical life. There had been Tom Sawyer in which he was a success. Like the original Twain character, Ken seemed to be equally innovative and independent. It wasn’t until his Houston period that he ventured into Amal and the Night Visitors and Oklahoma! At an early age, he also began his “creative” projects: past-times including woodcarving, basic electronics, and sewing hand-puppets. He also liked to argue. With his devotion to that activity and to solving three-dimensional puzzles, he was an incarnation of my own father. This may have been why he and I had a difficult relationship until we both “grew up.” I tried to avoid debating all of the topics he seemed to bring to the dinner table. Most of the time, Kip and Deb fell into his well-planned traps that resulted in almost daily conflicts. Quite often, the ones he had with Kip turned more violent.

Kip was more “physical” in his interactions, except with the Kilmer girls, with whom he shared a love of horses, but not quite as well-developed a love as Deb had. He and Ken roamed with the Cook boys who lived across the field from us. I’m not sure what “adventures” they had but matches and fires seemed to play a significant role in what they may have done together. He was also able to thwart our directions from time to time. The classic example occurred when he was told not to go out the door of his bedroom where he had been confined, because of something he had done. We were dismayed when he telephoned us from the Cook’s house, saying he had not gone through the door, but had crawled out his second-story bedroom window to leave the house without going counter to our direct instruction!

All three of them had acceptable academic interests, but with differences. Deb loved to read books and spent much of her time in her room doing that. Ken was more into manufacturing his three-dimensional projects than he was with reading. Kip, unfortunately, began elementary school in Amherst at a time when open classrooms and “feelings” were extensively promoted by the University’s School of Education, which had a direct impact on the town’s school system. When he had to retrieve canned goods from our basement, I was never sure if he had read the label or chosen them based upon the illustration he observed on the package.

Yes, each one had a different approach to life. At times I wondered if they really were siblings.

Vacation Waters

We tried to go on family vacations. Usually, we simply “made do” with week-long visits to Niles or Sandusky during the summer. Those to Sandusky were more enjoyable; at least they seemed more like a true vacation in that we had an opportunity to spend a day at Cedar Point, a premier amusement park for Ohio and the roller-coaster capital of the world. I never wanted to go on the really tall ones; fortunately, the kids were satisfied with getting wet on the final splash down of the mill ride.

Of course, there were also the carousels (after all, Sandusky is the home of the Merry-Go-Round Museum housed in its old Post Office) and the bumper cars. In my days before inner-ear problems and attacks of vertigo, I enjoyed taking the kids on the tilt-awhirl as well. We could spend the entire day without too many conflicts about what we should or should not do in order to have fun. Even sitting on a bench and “people-watching” was a pleasant way for Karen and me to spend time while the kids rode on something geared to their own size. Of course, we tried to stay until the fireworks lit up the sky for the close of the day of at the Park.

Cedar Point had a beach and the waters of the Bay, but we seldom visited them. Instead, we spent a week in a cottage on the shore of Lake Cayuga on a nostalgic trip to Ithaca. We managed, of course, to revisit Cornell, which had not changed all that much over the dozen years since we had lived in its shadows. The town, itself, had become a pedestrian-shopping center, but the campus was as picturesque as we had remembered it to be. Residing on the lake shore gave the kids something to do when we were not sightseeing throughout the Finger Lakes region. Arguments among us were minimal, since Deb had been allowed to bring a girlfriend, Laura, with her to counterbalance the need to spend time for disputes with her brothers or parents.

On the other hand, the two girls did provide a laughable event, even if it was one in which Deb was on the verge of drowning, unbeknownst to the rest of us. The two of them had gone out for their daily swim in the lake outside our cottage. Deb, having grown tired during the swim, grabbed hold of a log floating nearby, while Laura headed, alone, back to shore. Deb tried to haul the log with her as she swam toward the rest of us. She was dismayed when she discovered, upon reaching the dock, that she had been towing a large tree and had almost succumbed to the effort of dragging it behind her. We all thought her panic cries of going under were for our amusement and not for a need for actual help.

Another vacation in a house on Occum Pond in Hanover, New Hampshire was much more tranquil. Again, it was a nostalgic vacation. Karen and I recalled our pleasant years at Dartmouth and made daytrips around the region in order to renew other memories. The house we rented for the vacation was a faculty home unlike the starter-apartments we had once rented in the town.

We found that Hanover had remained as peaceful as ever. Having discovered a reference to the short-term rental through a local agency, he made final arrangements with the Dartmouth faculty member for our arrival. We were amused to have been informed that we would find the front-door key on the kitchen table, providing they were able to locate it. Evidently, they had never bothered locking the door of their home overlooking Occum Pond on the edge of the campus. I have wondered if they ever found it or had to replace the lock with a new one, given the changes in our society since those carefree days.

It was enjoyable taking a vacation in the towns where Deb and Ken were born and where Karen and I had begun our days as a new, happily married couple. We have never returned, during the last half-century, to Chris’ hometown of Corvallis, Oregon. No doubt, it should be on our bucket list, if we had a bucket list; after all, it, too, is located on the water, even though it is merely a river named the Willamette.

Boston

It took me several years to like Boston. I had to make the two-and-one-half hour drive about once a month to attend meetings in the Office of the President of the University of Massachusetts. The major or home campus for the university remained at its historic land-grant location in Amherst. However, when a second campus was established in Boston on a filled-in garbage dump overlooking Boston Harbor, it was necessary that the system’s central office be created independent of the sites controlled by Chancellors in Amherst and in Boston, and by the Dean of the Medical School at Worcester.

Classrooms were moved from a downtown office building onto the new site, with its built-in pipes to eliminate the gases being burped from the decaying rubbish underneath its new structures. Years later, the Presidential Library for John F. Kennedy was constructed on the Boston campus, no doubt with its own set of vents.

Since the President’s Office and central administration remained in the old office building, I had to endure Boston’s downtown traffic more than I would have preferred.

On my required journeys to Boston for meetings, I quickly learned that this city is one in which a driver can make four, consecutive right-hand turns and not arrive back at the starting point. It seemed that anywhere a colonial cow wandered, a new street was laid down to confuse any invading British soldiers. Years later, Bostonians, attempting to compensate for the lackadaisical efforts of its earlier planners, began to construct a new highway cutting across the city. It was called the “Big Dig” but many locals thought of it as the “Big Ditch” – it took several years and greatly expanded funding to complete the construction.

Fortunately, the early settlers and their descendants did leave The Commons and the Charles River in a pristine condition.

One day in early spring, while driving along the river, I spied the Harvard crews skimming over the water. It was this sight that caused me, very suddenly, to fall in love with this quintessential college-town. I soon discovered the pleasures of viewing the gardens of The Commons, even if I was forced to follow the winding and clogged traffic arteries to reach my destination.

Karen and I did take some consecutive vacation days in Boston, an experience more rewarding than merely passing through the narrow, cobblestone streets on a daytrip for business. Freedom Trail must be walked; Faneuil Hall and Old North Church must be encountered personally. Gravestones must be remembered with charcoal rubbings on newsprint scrolls. Enough time must be allowed for tasting and smelling Quincy Market and the Italian shops found in the North End. Marzipan must be viewed with amazement, even if it is too sweet to eat.

The Prudential Building cannot be avoided, although pedestrians had to look out for falling glass when wind gusts swirled in the wrong direction around this lonesome tower. At least, students passing by the W.E.B. DuBois Library Tower on the University campus in Amherst did not need to be wary of falling windows; there were tunnels of straw around the site to ward off any stray bricks released from the facade of its upper stories during wintery blasts. Those awarded contracts by the Commonwealth may have been able to bid low for a reason.

My favorite recollection of Boston, however, was formed years after we had left the Bay State. I was the best man for Todd at his wedding with Carolyn. The ceremony occurred on the Fourth of July, and they had their wedding reception on a modest-sized cruise craft. We watched fireworks explode over the harbor and heard the 1812 Overture being broadcast as it was performed to accompany the pyrotechnics on The Commons. It was, indeed, a perfect assembly of what is enduring about this colonial city and its multiple centuries of American life.

Gloucester

Gloucester is known for its fishermen, actually one fisherman more than the others – the one made of bronze, who grasps the wheel of his boat and peers out into an obvious storm on the Atlantic, south of the harbor. His is the memorial for all those Gloucestermen who were lost at sea either catching fish or hunting whales. I would encounter him as I drove by on my visits to the northern coast of the town where the University of Massachusetts Marine Station is located.

For several years, a minor part of my academic career was serving as Acting Director of the Marine Station. I wish I could have done something useful when I held the position, but Warren Gulko, the University’s Budget Director, made sure I had just enough funds to cover the salaries of the handful of junior faculty and a few employees who tried to keep the station open and functioning. Expenditures for maintenance were minimal and certainly not for any expansion. I tried to help them get support through the usual grant mechanisms, but Woods Hole to the south of Gloucester was internationally known for its oceanographic research.

When the Marine Station’s Director moved to a new academic site, Warren convinced Chancellor Bromery that the Amherst campus, which was nominally in charge of the station, did not really need an expensive replacement. Since I was Associate Graduate Dean for Research, it made economic sense for me to take over the administration of the station located on the coast some three or four hours from the main campus in the Connecticut Valley.

Every few months, I would drive to the coast to meet with the faculty there and try to encourage them to keep up their efforts, even though the University was not in favor of providing much financial support to them. I enjoyed learning about what they were doing but avoided accepting their invitations to go out on the water with any of them. I have always loved the tranquility of a coast with its sound of incoming surf and the shifting of the sand beneath my feet. However, actually sailing on oceanic depths beneath me, was a very different matter. Much later in life, I learned to enjoy large cruise ships on the Mediterranean Sea, but back then I preferred to keep my legs on a platform having minimal movement.

Karen and I, later in life, did vacation briefly in Gloucester and Rockport, where we ate as much lobster as possible and viewed the buoys once attached to the traps used for gathering them. A photograph of a red “barn” with its multicolored ornaments hanging on its side, brings back a vivid nostalgia of what life along the New England coast was like in those days. Now, the yellow, orange and pale-blue paints on wood have been replaced with Styrofoam floats to reduce damage to propellers, but not necessarily to marine critters who chew on them. I’m happy I was able to see the real thing so many years ago.

I’m even more pleased we had the opportunity to consume lobsters in their native locale. The taste does depend significantly on the salts found in the tanks where they are kept prior to being dropped into boiling water. Crustaceans shipped to Houston are not nearly as marvelous as those ingested directly in New England. Some might claim it’s really the butter which accounts for the gastronomic pleasure of succulent lobster, but the protein does have its unique flavor. On the other hand, the taste of mudbugs from the Gulf Coast is greatly masked by all of those Cajan spices. I cannot imagine eating any of those tiny crawdads with only a butter sauce!

Spring Has Sprung

The arrival of spring suggests it’s time to get out, to see, and to do new things. This was especially true when we lived in New England. This conclusion was even more evident when we lived in Ohio and upstate New York, where the sky was overcast, beginning in November, and remained cloud-covered throughout the winter months. The ground was even more depressing than the sky, since the snow turned to slush and frozen ice shortly after every weekly deposit. I did not realize there was truly a winter-sun until we moved to New Hampshire and later, to Massachusetts.

Houston, on the other hand, may have bright sunshine from December through February. Nevertheless, when the temperature remains above the mid-seventies and the bright blue sky may be devoid of puffy, white clouds, there is a human desire to take to the roads. Unfortunately, most Texans have been unable, during the past two years, to travel. Now that Covid is on the wane, everyone hopes we will be able to return to the open road, providing we can afford to buy any gasoline.

However, when we lived in Massachusetts, four decades ago, the cost was reasonable for a daytrip to many nearby towns or villages, where we could experience something new. On the other hand, what we saw was, often, something quite old. New England likes to preserve its heritage, especially in quaint, colonial buildings. When we lived in Amherst, and, later, when we made special visits to New England, we saw picturesque sites, both in spring and in fall, in such places as Old Deerfield Village (near Amherst), as well as “Strawbury Banke” (sic) in Portsmith, New Hampshire; Mystic Seaport in Connecticut; Gloucester, Salem and Stockbridge in Massachusetts; and Stowe and Middlebury in Vermont. In Stowe we bought a twelve-foot farm-sled that cost us more to ship to Houston than it did to buy it in Vermont. Many companies do not like to transport antiques in a “distressed” condition, since some buyers claim the shipper has damaged them and want to collect insurance money for events that had occurred decades before the move.

Among the places we visited over the years, one of my favorite destinations was Old Sturbridge, a restoration of village life from the late 1700s through the early 1800s. Unlike those who lived in Colonial Williamsburg, another favorite restoration, the residents of Sturbridge were modest farmers and tradesmen, rather than wealthy plantation owners and merchants engaged in the early political life of Virginia.

Karen and I enjoyed the spring sunshine as we wandered around the Old Sturbridge Village Commons, surrounded by white-sideboard homes and stone-construction shops in which we observed pottery being shaped, leather shoes for people being constructed by a shoemaker, and iron shoes for horses being forged by the blacksmith. We spent time watching the formation of freshly cut, wooden planks in the sawmill, powered by a waterwheel, and the efforts of women farmers in their sunbonnets digging and planting vegetables and flowers or spinning woolen thread for use in nearby looms. Our favorite spot for relaxing was sitting on a bench overlooking a weathered, covered bridge above a creek flowing into a nearby pond. The best place for lunch was at one of the dining rooms in the Publick House, a whitewashed building with rambling wings added over a two-century lifetime.

One year we booked a room in this Inn for an extended stay in Sturbridge. It was a unique visit in which we had the entire village practically to ourselves. We had planned to spend a long Washington’s Birthday weekend there. This was in a time when there were separate celebrations for Washington and Lincoln and not a consolidated Presidents’ Day. It was also the year when there was an early, false spring. The weather had been warm, the trees might even have had plans for pushing out a few buds. We arrived at the Publick House in time for dinner on February 21. The evening was completed in the pub-room before we retired to a feather bed with a mountain of quilts covering it.

The next morning, we were greeted with more than twelve inches of freshly fallen snow! Sturbridge Village was officially closed. Nevertheless, those employed by the Village were true New Englanders and came to work, anyway. Although the Village was closed for new arrivals, we were allowed to enter most of the buildings. But first, I had to fill up on Froggers. They are a Sturbridge institution, cookies made from a recipe attributed to Joe Frogger, a free African American, who, following service in the Revolutionary Army, opened a tavern that served these oversized, molasses-and-spice treats.

That evening, we, and a few other trapped visitors, were invited to attend the town’s weekly party. It was pleasant tramping through the deep, crystal snow from the Publick House Inn to the Town Hall for an evening of square dancing. Fortunately, we were members of the College Town Twirlers in Amherst and had learned the basic calls to a degree that we did not break down any of the sets, a major achievement for visitors. The next morning, the snow-covered highways prevented our leaving Sturbridge, but we did return home as soon as the plows allowed travel back to Amherst. Spring which has not yet fully sprung can also yield very pleasant memories.

Hobbyhorses

Each of us had a hobbyhorse to keep us busy when we were not really busy. Deb’s hobbyhorse was real. She took riding lessons at Bobbin Hollow, south of Amherst on the way to Belchertown. Her instruction was less expensive than buying our own Morgan, although we could have kept a horse in the corral the Kilmers maintained next door to us. Somehow, I had convinced Deb I would reconsider buying one when she was a senior in high school. My alternate hope was later fulfilled. By the time she was a senior, she was more interested in high school drama than in owning a horse.

She could continue to satisfy her equine desires by going, almost daily, to the stables at Tilson Farm, an agricultural addition to UMA, bordering our backyard. There she groomed her four-legged friends whenever she wanted to and not when she had to. The lessons and riding competitions at Bobbin Hollow accommodated her needs to straddle an English saddle. My role was to drive her there each Saturday morning. This gave me a weekly opportunity to buy fresh eggs and to purchase delicious honey-filled candy bites in their farm store.

Ken and Chris were probably too young to have “hobbies,” per se. They managed to keep busy by doing whatever they were engaged in doing. Ken did have his electronics. Perhaps, his hobby was to de-construct any and every electric apparatus in the house, with an expectation of returning it to its original working condition.

Karen’s hobby was hiking, rather than riding. The Metacomet-Monadnock Trails associated with the Appalachian Trail passed near Amherst and its surrounding ridges. Karen and her female hiking friends would drive a car to an appropriate entrance to the system and hike to the next station where another car had been left for the ride back.

Spring and fall were no doubt the best times for their adventures, but she did own a pair of snowshoes for winter walks. I was able to borrow them on a few occasions when snowstorms prevented her from driving me for the five-minute commute to my office, a destination I could otherwise reach with a twenty-minute brisk walk. My snowshoeing was not unlike trying to slide on tennis rackets with handles that always punctured the frozen snow at the wrong angle. If the weather was really bad, it was better to stay home, as did the students and the rest of the faculty. The students, however, found that dining-hall trays made exciting sleds for the hills around the campus, when the snow was deep on the university walkways.

My own hobbyhorse consisted of destriers rather than Morgans. For some unknown reason, my years in Amherst were the ones during which I became extremely interested in the history of the Middle Ages and of the knights who rode those war horses in tournaments and battles. The Templars fascinated me. My personal library expanded to include dozens of books on their history and culture. I even began to write a novel entitled: “Beauseant!” which was the battle cry for the Knights of the Temple of Solomon.

My hero was Paul Blackwood, also known as Paulo Bois de Noir or merely Boisdenoir. His companion was Guy de Coeur. Over my seven years in Amherst, I completed the first six chapters of a book that became consigned to an electronic version held captive in my computer and transferred with every upgrade, once I had entered the last revision on my first Compaq in 1983.

The Templars, founded in the early 12th century, were officially arrested on Friday the Thirteenth of 1307 by Philip IV for blasphemy and homosexuality. Actually, the King of France wanted the Templars’ treasury, which was extremely large. Their funds resulted from banking arrangements in which they invented. Their sacred military mission was to help pilgrims journey from Europe to Jerusalem and to the Medieval kingdoms established as a result of the Crusades. Their last Grand Master was Jacques de Molay, associated with the Masonic Order which, in legend, replaced the Templars.

Another result of my interest in the Templars and their endeavors was a corollary fascination with Dante and his Divine Comedy, published in 1317. My fictional hero named Blackwood had a high resonance with the Dark Wood in which Virgil and Dante traveled through the Inferno and Purgatory to reach Paradise. Alas, as I was contemplating my own literary fantasies, I, too, was living out those years of the “middle of my life.”

Although I did not pursue writing my novel, I did continue my interest in Medieval times and, in particular, Dante. During the past two years in Houston, I have taken on-line courses relating to in-depth studies of his Divine Comedy. I finally have made my literary journey through the Inferno, Purgatory and Paradise. It continues to be debatable where my hobbyhorse currently rests on my own comedic journey.

Site Visits

It was pleasant to make money while traveling. Site visits paid only a $100 per day stipend, but there was a reimbursement for travel costs, even if the federal government would not pay for first class air fare. Having been a former employee of the National Institutes of Health, I remained on their list of consultants available for visits to locations where biomedical institutions requested large amounts of funding for research projects. For a couple of days, I would be able to get away from Amherst and my routine interactions with faculty.

I could have made more visits; however, I limited myself to places that might prove interesting for side tours when I was not engaged in federal business. While other members of the team reviewed the scientific merit of the applications, my role was to evaluate its financial and administrative components. Over the years, I gained a solid reputation as a fiscal consultant for many of the Institutes of the NIH. I greatly enjoyed visiting San Francisco or San Diego during the winter. Chicago and New York were interesting cities for sightseeing when the committee was not actively reviewing a grant request. One site visit in 1976 changed my career and, no doubt, my entire life.

The visit was for a program sponsored by the National Heart Institute at the Rockefeller Medical School in New York City. The chairman for the visiting committee was Dr. Antonio Gotto from somewhere in Texas. The committee decided the project lacked sufficient merit and disapproved funding it. Six months later, the program’s principle investigator submitted a revised application, and another site visit was scheduled. Although all of the other visitors were newly selected, Dr. Gotto was again appointed to chair the group. He requested that I be the fiscal consultant for the revision. This time, our committee recommended approval, and I thought no more about the effort, which, after all, was routine.

It was during this second review of the Rockefeller project that Dr. Gotto inquired about my own future plans. Shortly after the visit, I had a telephone call from him inviting me to come to Houston for interviews with Baylor College of Medicine. I knew nothing about the medical school and even less about Houston. I did find it was located near the Gulf Coast and not in the vast interior of the state. I had nothing to lose by taking a look at a part of the country I had never before visited. Besides, for the previous months I had been perusing employment ads in the Chronicle of Higher Education and applying to large universities that had leadership appointments in their research offices. My battles with Warren Gulko had continued and it appeared that, with his inside track with Chancellor Bromery, I had minimally, if any, real future with UMA. It was still winter in Amherst and a few days of thawing out seemed ideal. I flew into Houston.

I was amazed at how flat it was. And how green! I had never seen the earth stretching out for miles with nothing but green woods and brown fields below me – and tall office buildings sprouting in the middle of this isolation. I thought this might be an interesting place to spend a few years in my career. The longest I had ever been in one location was our five years in Bethesda, and now seven in Amherst. Houston, Texas and life in a large city, even a “western” one might be enjoyable for a five to a seven-year interval before returning to a New England college town.

The faculty and administrators I met at Baylor Med were friendly; more so than those I had found up north, where the natives accepted newcomers only after long-term interactions had proven them to be worthy. On the other hand, southerners, I found, accepted newcomers immediately and then might reject them after they demonstrated they no longer merited any close attention.

At the conclusion of my interviews, I was offered three co-joined appointments: Administrator for the Department of Medicine under Tony Gotto; Director of Research Resources in the Office of the President, reporting to William T. Butler, M.D.; and Deputy Director for Administration of the National Heart and Blood Vessel Research and Demonstration Center under Michael E. DeBakey, M.D. The twenty-five percent increase in salary was also an important part of my consideration that this move might be worthwhile. Besides, on my way back from the Texas Medical Center to the Shamrock Hotel on Holcombe, I had the first and only proposition I ever had from a high-heeled lady sashaying down the street. Yes, life in Houston was bound to be different! And it has been, for more than forty years.

Amherst Sabbatical

My “sabbatical” in Amherst was magnificent, certainly in retrospect if not, at particular moments, while living it. Normally, a sabbatical is only one year, the seventh, when one rests from labor, a remembrance of the time when the Israelites allowed their fields to lay fallow, when the land was returned to God, and forgiveness abounded. However, my sabbatical consisted of the entire seven years when we resided in Massachusetts, and I experienced a truly academic life, albeit not one of being a faculty member and professing a scholarly discipline. Many professors would maintain that administration is not an acceptable option; it is to be endured as a required, temporary duty when called upon to be a chairman or head of a department. A year-long faculty sabbatical is a time of renewal. My seven years were a time of pleasure. I miss them. I am thankful to have experienced them.

I enjoyed being “Dean Camerino.” I enjoyed being an administrator who helped faculty accomplish the research they desired to do, by providing modest funds, directly, or information about how to receive them in more meaningful amounts. I would have preferred to have had more direct relations with students, both undergraduates and graduate fellows, but the close friendships I developed with faculty compensated for those I did not have with younger scholars.

While at Baylor College of Medicine, I was never completely sure of what the expectations held for me by other administrators and the faculty might be. Neither Dr. Butler, the BCM President to whom I originally reported, nor Dr. Alford, the Dean of the College, who became my immediate supervisor, ever had a conversation with me about what I was expected to do as I reviewed faculty appointments or signed off on research applications submitted to external sources. Dr. Tony Gotto, chair of the Department of Medicine, for whom I performed, on his behalf, the day-to-day administration of the department never indicated what he really wanted me to do. He, did, however, authorize substantial, annual increases in my salary. For some, these may have been ideal roles: to do whatever I wanted to do without any instruction on what or how I was to do it. However, I missed the collegiality of Umass where discussion occurred before I did what I thought I should be doing, until Warren Gulko came along.

If only the politics of academe did not exist, university life would be perfect. A time for engaging in conversations that mattered, undertaken for pleasure, rather than for a mere exchange of information. I miss the discussion of ideas and the exploration of culture: plays, dance, and the fine arts. These topics are preferable to the current issues of my retirement years, which seem to involve gossip and “organ recitals of the elderly!” I prefer a lunch in the Umass Faculty Club to one in the student dining hall or in my office, the usual sites for those in my days at Baylor Med. My friends and acquaintances in New England were closer and more numerous than those I found later in life.

I also enjoyed, and miss, the “ambience” of Amherst: its campus clothed in autumn foliage or winter snows, breathtaking whenever I took the opportunity to gaze at them and really breath them in! The quiet paths, except on the hour when they were filled by students moving to their next classes, were enjoyable ways to move quietly from one building, ivy-covered or glass-plated concrete, to another during midday or twilight.

Life in a medical school in a large city is not the same, not as “charming.” There is no downline for pondering the day, when confined to hallways joining one building to another, even if they are air-conditioned. A walk downtown to the post-office or an aged grocery store is more satisfying than a drive to the local Kroger’s. There is nothing enjoyable about an hour-commute by car, or a ninety-minute one by public transportation, with the smell of the nail-polish remover in use by the woman sitting next to you or with the sound of anyone across the aisle with a cellphone.

I was in love with our home on Sheerman Lane and the landscape both at a distance and the one I had created in my own backyard. When I had to leave them, I made a decision not to become as attached to my physical surroundings in my new life as I had been in Amherst. At the time, I thought we would be in Houston for the usual five to seven years, before moving on. I did not want to hurt the same way, again, by becoming overly enamored of the place where I resided. I never would have believed that we would live in Texas for almost a half-century!

I enjoy the history and culture of New England to that of the Gulf Coast of Texas. There are interesting encounters here, but I still have not adapted to the conservative-progress of this, formerly independent, Republic. I am better in tune with those of a Commonwealth. A bay-state is more comfortable, for me, than is a gulf-state. Both a nor eastern and a hurricane exhibit devastating winds, but the rolling hills and mountain ranges do have an attraction that open skies and bayous lack.

If funds were unlimited, the best-of-both worlds would be my desire. What could be better than a winter and spring in Houston and summer and autumn in Amherst? Where should I spend my next sabbatical? However, it’s unlikely I’ll ever have another.

Houston House Hunting

We almost did not move to Houston. Karen and I made a house-hunting visit there, once I had been offered my tripartite position at Baylor College of Medicine (BCM). We wanted to live near the College, probably in the University Area surrounding Rice Village. The area adjoined the Texas Medical Center which, itself, encompassed BCM. The TMC had a concentration of medical institutions (hospitals as well as medical schools) greater than that found anywhere in the nation, even Boston. This part of town seemed to be ideal, at least in appearance and location.

Rice University, itself, was certainly an example of “Southern-Ivy-League.” The campus had the collegiate architecture of other campuses we had encountered: a combination of red brick and brown-gray sandstone, with long colonnades and tree-lined quads. Rice had an excellent reputation as a private school; if it had been located in New England instead of south of downtown Houston, it would have been a member of the true Ivy League. Memorial Park, with its zoological and botanical gardens, was close-by. Rice Village, per se, was a charming, stereotypical college town. Moving from Amherst to this location would not be a hardship. Except for one factor: the cost.

Every house we were shown by the realtor was double or triple the price of anything we had ever known. We thought there was no way we could financially afford a move to Houston, despite the significant increase in the salary I was being offered. We had almost decided we would not move. Fortunately, however, we had been invited to dinner by Anita and Tony Gotto, who was chairman of the Department of Medicine and instrumental in my coming to BCM. When they had moved here, their first home was in an area north of Houston, known as the FM 1960 area. They urged us to look there.

Our replacement-realtor began to show us homes we could afford. Although they cost more than anything in Amherst, they were in a range that was “thinkable.” We finally found one on Grand Valley, in a development called Ponderosa Forest. What better address could we want for a life in Houston, Texas! Actually, it would not be in Houston, but rather in Spring, Texas, a suburb in the surrounding Harris County. We soon learned several new concepts.

First of all, it was difficult to determine where Houston left off and Harris County began. The difference was much less than we had once experienced among Washington, D.C. and its surrounding cities in Maryland or Virginia. Second, we would be living about thirty miles north of where I would be working; this demanded a commute which would, on a good day, take about an hour. The travel-time, I found, would be doubled when an accident occurred on I-45, the main highway from the north. Third, Interstate 45 would always be under construction. The initial roadwork had begun at least a decade before our move; under the term “reconstruction,” it would still be incomplete some five decades later!

At least, we would now be able to afford a move to Texas. Besides, the location was ideally north of the city so that the daily commute would avoid my driving into the direct sunlight during a morning journey to work or homebound in the evening. We could be very content living in the FM 1960 area, named for the number of the Farm-to-Market Road we traveled daily for trips to the stores and commercial buildings required as part of a suburban existence.

Our new home was very different in style from anything we had lived in previously. It was a New Orleans Colonial with a front balcony and wrought-iron railings; the exterior wood was light yellow with black ironwork; the bricks well-worn. We enjoyed sitting on that balcony on weekend mornings, or in the evening, with a cup of coffee. I smoked a lot of cigarettes there, stopping only some twenty years later when I had retired and we had moved to a new house in Cypress, Texas.

Although it was a comfortable house, which held all of our Early American colonial furniture and possessions from New England, Grand Valley, for me, did not really replace the beloved home where we had lived in Amherst. My nostalgic feelings about a place to live, comfortably, in Texas, were finally replaced when we sold our French Colonial and moved, several years later, to Cypress, Texas.

Houston Tides

I had hoped the actual process of moving to Houston might offer me an opportunity to “bond” with Ken and it did. He had recently turned fourteen and I thought that time together, before the rest of the family joined as at the end of July in 1977, would allow us to develop a better relationship than the one I had with my father when I was a teenager.

We stayed at the Holiday Inn near the airport. Our plans called for us to transfer to a local motel on Main Street, only a couple of blocks from Baylor Med where I would be employed at the beginning of the following week. The Tides II motel offered a more reasonable weekly rate than the tourist site near the airport.

The morning after our arrival, I left Ken at the Holiday Inn to drive the short distance to Spring, Texas and the FM 1960 area where we would be living, once the moving van arrived with our belongings. Back then, the Farm-to-Market Road with the number “1960″ was a relatively quiet, suburban area some 30 miles from the Medical Center where I would be working. I needed to go to the Jetero Bank to check on the transference of funds from Massachusetts and to meet with our realtor to confirm that the paperwork for buying our new home in Ponderosa Forest was on track.

On the way to Northwest Houston, I thought the car lacked pick-up. As I slowed down to pull into the realtor’s parking lot, the brakes felt very soft, and the brake-light came on. When I got out of the car, I smelled burning rubber and saw smoke enveloping the rear wheels. I had been traveling at 60 mph for the fifteen-minute drive from the airport with the emergency brake engaged! The damn brake-light had never turned on! Somewhat concerned about the spiraling smoke, I quickly asked for a recommendation for a handy garage. The people at the realtor’s office suggested a place called Power Pak, a block away. I immediately followed their suggestion.

The service man in the garage put my car on the rack and tried to pry off the hub caps which were too hot to touch. He suggested a new brake job might be needed at $60.00! Oh well, what’s money, I thought. I had half-expected something like this would have happened. On our way to Ohio from Syracuse, where we had dropped Deb off at the university she would be attending, a similar unreleased brake caused overheating, but without the smoke! The current, potential repair would not be finished until at least 2:00 P.M. They offered to have one of their young employees drive me back to the Holiday Inn to get Ken and check out. I accomplished the transactions, and we were ready to return to the garage, but first we had to ask the motel’s maintenance man to jump the battery on the garage’s tow truck!

While we waited for the repair to be completed, Ken and I wandered around the Ponderosa shopping center and had a Whataburger, a ‘burger that was totally new to us! Upon returning to the service station, I learned that, once the brakes had cooled down, the mechanic thought they would not need to be replaced. And there was no charge for anything! Now that’s Texas, I thought.

We then drove to the Jetero Bank. The funds I had transferred from Amherst had been received and were available for use. In addition, our application for a car loan had been approved. All the Texans we met seemed to be very accommodating; I thought this might be a very good move for us, after all.

Ken and I then went to Lone Star Ford and bought a Pinto, at a total price of $3,787.51, after negotiations. Officially, the color was light green, but to my eye it was yellow. We would pick it up once Karen and the family had arrived.

That evening, Ken and I checked into the Tides II. (It might be noted that Tides I was a few blocks away!) He liked the pool and location, but the usual southern scuttling insects in this motel were a little more noticeable than at the Holiday Inn. Later, I learned these critters were “German cockroaches” and were associated with surrounding trees and not with the filth of the northern species. Nevertheless, they were still icky!

On the other hand, the surrounding odor of Tides II was significantly better than what we had encountered at the Holiday Inn. We decided it was circling airplanes that give the Inn its pungency and precluded outside activity around the pool. In LA it would have been called smog. We also went that evening to the Galleria to look around, marvel at its indoor skating rink, and have a Mexican meal. Ken decided he did like real tacos.

Ken was very good during our early days sharing a motel room. We had some differences but no major problems. I was glad he had come along. Our only consistent problem was he spoke so low I had to ask him to repeat half of what he said! All in all, I think he liked Houston, but his visible enthusiasm was underwhelming most of the time.

In the evening he watched TV while I poured over maps of Houston to determine where we had been driving on all of those intertwined freeways. I planned to do more exploring on the weekend when I thought the traffic might be lighter. I quickly learned that Houston traffic is never “lighter,” except, maybe, at 3:00 a.m. Nevertheless, we did do some exploring during the next few days.

Houston Starts and Stops

Ken and I survived our first weekend in Houston. Fortunately, Saturdays in Texas were like weekdays in New England in that everything was open. In the Northeast, the weekend was for rest and relaxation, not for business or shopping.

We once more journeyed to Spring from the Med Center. I was able to make the final arrangements with the Jethro Bank for a car loan and was given the name of an independent insurance agent, John Nanninga. As it turned out, John remained as our agent for the next twenty years. Although he was from Chicago, he acted more like a “good-ol’-boy-Texan,” a trait I found to be true for other friends who came from the Windy City to Houston. Later, when Ken and Chris had to get their own driver’s insurance, John gave them his standard lecture on safe driving, before adding them to my policy. However, back in July 1977, he presented me with information I had never heard about before: flood insurance and something called the “hundred-year flood plain.”

I learned that Grand Valley Drive, where we were to live, was the last street on the flood plain, and, thus, flood insurance was mandatory. However, John said we could get it transferred from the current owners and would save some funds by doing it this way. Twelve years later when we had a foot of water in our house, after tropical storm Allison had sat over us for a day or two, we learned the full meaning of the value of flood insurance. But back in 1977, the expense was “just-one-of-those-necessary-things” that were part of moving into a different region of the country. At least the insurance for the old Mercury and the new Pinto would cost less in Texas than in “Taxachusetts.”

The discussion with John took an inordinate amount of time (for me, but evidently not for John.) Ken and I finally had breakfast about two o’clock in the afternoon.

My journal notes, which I have used to recall this particular adventure, indicate we also went to a place called Target, which I compared to a local Zayers or Bradlees, similar sites in the Northeast. There we purchased hangers, since our motel had an insufficient count. We also bought socks for Ken, who had not brought enough with him, and another pair of short pants. With his own money, he bought a football.

That evening, as Ken watched more television, I found a Laundromat in Rice Village, being thankful for the presence of a college-town atmosphere with such amenities. On the way back to the motel, I stopped at a place called Jack-in-the-Box, which I described as being like Hardees, to bring back a late dinner for us. Having done this, Ken would not need to leave the room and miss his programs as he had to do the night before, an apparent hardship resulting from the time differential from the East Coast. Once again, he did not like the JitB version and I gave him a buck, according to the journal, so that he could get something from the Burger King next door to the motel.

Ken had two ongoing problems. He did not like the new choices for fast-foods, and he dramatically objected to my smoking in the motel room we shared. To keep our disputes to a minimum, I did not smoke in our room after his complaints but enjoyed sitting by the outdoor swimming pool in the evening and staring up at the flood-lite palm trees, the likes of which were radically new to my historical view of where to relax on a quiet evening in midsummer.

On Sunday morning, I tried to find the Cathedral (actually the co-cathedral since the bishop is really in Galveston rather than Houston) but got confused and ended up at Holy Rosary, a Dominican church of a traditional bent. Ken had no interest in attending mass in the Cathedral and stayed in the motel; I did not make an issue of his preference; I was, finally, learning how to keep arguments to a minimum.

That afternoon we did drive through downtown Houston to gaze up at the tall buildings, a past-time for country folk which we still were. We stopped at the Hyatt Regency Hotel and rode up the 30 floors in the glass elevator, an impressive activity as far as Ken was concerned.

Late afternoon, we returned to the motel for some sun and swimming. The temperature on the building down the street said 100 degrees on its outside thermometer, but it didn’t seem as bad today as it had the day before. The humidity must have been lower today; I was very thankful for air conditioning both in the room and in the car. Yes, we were, indeed, no longer living in the Northeast.

West Texas

Ken, at age 15, was the usual malcontent teenager. Kip, only two years behind, was not quite as easily vexed as his brother; or at least he did not exhibit the tendency as readily, although they continued to have their own sibling conflicts when Karen and I were not in the immediate area. Or was it arena? Nevertheless, I thought it would be appropriate for the three of us to experience a mutual, week-long vacation. The boys wanted to see the real Texas with its real cowboys – and maybe an Indian or two. They certainly had not yet encountered anything that resembled what was found in the movies claiming to have been made in their new state.

I did have a plan for an attempt to keep Ken from griping about the places we might see when we traveled to West Texas. Perhaps Kip would go along for the ride. He would have the entire back seat of the Pinto to himself, as Ken rode shotgun.

My plan was very simple. Ken was to determine which places we would see and where we would stay. He could, therefore, not blame anyone else if something was not to his liking. The rule for the adventure I proposed was that we would drive for a couple of hours to a site Ken would choose for a one or a two-hour visit or an overnight stay. This meant that we would see a mid- to late-morning location and another one in mid- to late-afternoon. Our lunch-stop would be determined by how long we stayed to view the midmorning and afternoon sights. This mealtime might or might not include an opportunity for sightseeing. We would stop early enough in the day to find a motel where we could remain overnight. There was no demand that we sleep in a place where there were things to see; swimming in a motel pool would be sufficient for them while I relaxed with a drink nearby.

Ken was presented with a Mobil Travel Guidebook for his scheduling endeavors. My guidelines worked! He did find interesting places none of us complained about, even if we never did locate the meteor crater near Odessa or any dinosaur-fossils, although the pump in one oilfield, from a distance, did resemble a medium-size, feeding dinosaur. On the other hand, given some other unexpected events, this was probably an advantageous omission.

Our first stop was for a foggy photo-opportunity at Washington-on-the-Brazos, the place where the Republic of Texas took form in 1836. Then on to San Antonio, with its Mexican mission buildings and River Walk. Although we investigated the real Alamo, our itinerary called for us to head west to Alamo Village near Del Rio. This tourist trap was the location for many western films, especially ones in which John Wayne had starred. The fake ruins were great for staging gunfights and for us to gain an appreciation for what the “real Texas” had been like. The boys even had the chance to be photographed with a stagecoach and badmen.

We then drove north to return to Interstate 10 and the true-western towns of Fort Stockton and Balmorhea, where we could swim in the spring-fed pool found in the local, state park. The water, not overly warm, was more green than the blue found in chlorinated motel-pools. The boys seemed to enjoy it with only minor objections. I, myself, did not like the feel of the scuzzy bottom.

El Paso and its mountain, along with the obligatory tramway-gondola ride, were the sights for our next adventure, which really occurred when we walked across the bridge to Ciudad Juarez, having paid our two-cent crossing fee. Back then, the journey did not require a passport for reentrance to the states. We found Mexican food was not all that different from what we had eaten in the Galleria in Houston. But the atmosphere was magnificent, even if somewhat dustier than what we had observed in San Antonio’s markets.

We left El Paso and made our way north, to the Carlsbad Caverns. This may have been the highlight of the trip. Although we had visited caves in parts of Texas and in Appalachia, nothing quite compared with those caverns of New Mexico. We hiked through its natural entrance, thankful that, in daylight, most of the bats had left the open cave. Finally, we arrived in the Big Room and witnessed the giant stalactites, stalagmites and fluted columns nature had formed over thousands of years. I wondered if, by placing my hand between the tips of those pyramids hanging down and those rising up, I could momentarily halt the earth’s evolution. None of us tried; we obeyed the guides’ instructions not to touch any of the living parts of the caverns.

Having passed through fairylands, castles and cathedrals glistening under a spectrum of artificial lighting, we had the chance to stand in absolute darkness and witness the diffuse colors washing through our retinas without external stimulation. At last, we rested in the subterranean cafeteria where we slowly consumed well-preserved, fossilized deli sandwiches, before squeezing into the upward-bound elevator and returning to the visitors’ center on the dry ground of New Mexico.

We continued our drive to the northeast and re-entered Texas. We beheld an environment that reversed what we had contemplated underground. We were now bewitched by the sky, by the blue dome of West Texas, with its strange, flat-bottom clouds looming into the atmosphere. Their cottoness captured every drop of available moisture and released none of it back to the parched earth, on which wind-devils and tumbleweeds danced as we crossed the flat plains crawling toward a distant, unapproachable horizon.

I am now unable to recall what other places we encountered in West Texas and the Panhandle. I don’t think we went as far north as Amarillo. We endured the flatness around Midlands and Odessa before making our way toward San Angelo and a stop in its newly created Holiday-dome. We returned to Houston at a pace much faster than Ken’s original itinerary had suggested.

While making our way through the last stages of our exploration of the caverns, I had begun to feel ill. I experienced an upset stomach, perhaps due to what I had eaten in Ciudad Juarez the day before. Within the next twenty-four hours my abdominal pains had not been relieved. I thought we probably should return home as soon as possible. We made the long drive from San Angelo to Houston with merely a stop or two for food for the boys.

The day following our return from our West Texas adventure, I went to work, as usual, in my office in the Fondren Building of The Methodist Hospital, in which the BCM Department of Medicine was located. Fortunately, the chief of the Gastroenterology division within the Department was in his office, around the corner from mine. Since my eyeballs and skin had taken on a very jaundiced tint, I thought I probably should get an informal consultation from him. With one glance at my yellow appearance, he gave me several immediate instructions: “Call your wife and have her pack a bag for you. Get in a wheelchair for a ride to Admissions at Methodist. You’re going to have your gall bladder removed as soon as possible.”

I returned home ten days later.

A Bilious Time

If I had endured the vacation the boys and I took in West Texas for a day or two longer, I would probably have died. The extremely jaundiced condition I presented to the chief of the Gastroenterology division of the Department of Medicine on the morning after I had returned to Houston suggested, I had a high level of bilirubin, a measure of a digestive malady. A test indicated this product was about ten times higher than it should have been. I was on the verge of a ruptured gall bladder, when I was confined to a room in The Methodist Hospital where I had to wait while the bilirubin declined to a point where removal of this inflamed and now useless organ might be possible.

The chief of the Surgery division at TMH finally agreed he would attempt the operation. It went well, but he did give Karen a terrible scare at the time, according to her account of their interaction. She had been waiting for several long hours in the lounge assigned to worried families and friends of patients undergoing surgery. During this time, she had observed surgeons coming out to tell those concerned that the operations had been successful. At last, she was told that my own surgeon would meet with her, but not in the general waiting room. They would talk in a nearby small, private location. She was certain bad news awaited her. As it turned out, he was offering a professional courtesy of meeting with her in private. The surgery had, indeed, been successful; she would see me shortly; and she did.

Given the severity of my condition before the operation, I needed to spend several days in the hospital, before and after the gall bladder removal. Since I had been the Administrator of Internal Medicine for the prior year and knew all of the department chiefs for the multiple divisions within Medicine, I had many professional visitors during this recovery period. The nurses were greatly puzzled by the high number of internal specialists seeking to review the chart hanging on the foot of my bed. Fortunately, none of them billed me for a consultation. Actually, much of the billing was lowered, again, as a professional courtesy.

I should not have been surprised by my own need for this surgery. Many years ago, my maternal grandmother had her gall bladder removed. She had to have a drainage tube attached to her body for a long time afterwards. My own mother was more fortunate. She had no drainage tube when her gall bladder was removed. I expected a similar, improved result.

When I returned home, I was welcomed by a movable hospital bed on the first floor of our house. I was also given the opportunity to hug a pillow for most of the time I spent there to counteract the pain associated with all of the healing stitches.

For surgeries performed currently, the incision for the removal of a gall bladder is very small. But forty years ago, this was not the practice. Since my surgeon had convinced me that my appendix should be removed at the same time as he disemboweled me of my gall bladder, the final incision was at least a foot long. My major problem occurred when Ken and Kip saw the scar shortly afterwards and exclaimed “Shazam” in honor of Captain Marvel’s lightning bolt! My laughter almost caused the stitches to pull apart. However, they did hold, and the boys were instructed to restrict their levity in the future.

I did, on the other hand, learn one very important fact and admonition. Never have elective surgery in the months of June and July. This is the time of the academic-medical year when new residents appear in a teaching-hospital. Although a new surgeon needs to learn how to enter and exit the human body, it is better that they practice on “someone else.” The results of my personal neophyte remain visible to the current day. Every personal physician I have encountered since then has the same initial inquiry: “What happened to you?” I seldom have gone shirtless during the last four decades.

Life in the Office – People

Baylor College of Medicine truly gave me “full-time employment.” During my twenty-year career with the College, I usually held three simultaneous positions: Administrator for the Department of Medicine, Director for Faculty Resources, and Administrative Director for the Heart Center. The institution did know how to get the biggest bang for its buck. I like to believe that BCM, besides keeping me extremely busy, did receive some value from my years with the school.

In retrospect, it’s difficult to describe what I did each day in these three offices where I worked on a random basis. Once again, I had little time to keep a journal of what I did each day and how I managed to juggle three positions during those years, as I moved, physically, among my multiple office sites.

At the outset of my career, most of my time was spent in the Department of Medicine in the Fondren-Brown building of The Methodist Hospital (TMH), where I served as the Administrator for the department. My office was located one floor below that of Tony Gotto, M.D., the department’s chairman, to whom I reported. I spent a significant time each day double-stepping in the stairwells between the two floors. This action provided almost a daily opportunity to nod to Dr. Michael E. DeBakey as he, too, rushed from one floor to another between his surgeries and meetings. Most of the time, he recognized my existence. After-all, I theoretically reported to him in my role with the Heart Center, which he headed, as well as in central administration, in which he served as Chancellor, with President William Butler as my immediate supervisor.

DeBakey was, of course, a very interesting leader in medical science both nationally and internationally. Patients were as likely to arrive from Saudi Arabia as they were from every state in the Union as well as every nation in Latin America. I found it fascinating that directional signs throughout The Methodist Hospital were in three languages: English, Spanish and Arabic. There were many stories about the diversity of those seeking medical service with TMH. My favorite one was about the presence of the “king of the Gypsies.” Before his treatment began, a significant pre-deposit had to be made, in order to cover all of the items which would leave the premises when he and his followers dis-encamped upon completion of his medical procedures.

DeBakey, himself, was an imposing figure, racing up and down the stairwells or sitting at a boardroom table. He always wore cowboy boots, often white, with two-inch soles. They were probably very comfortable for standing over a surgery table for long periods and for giving him a taller stance at other times. MED had mellowed from what had been recorded, in earlier times, about his devastating comments toward transgressing colleagues. It was said that following his second marriage to Katrin, a former movie actress from Germany, he had become a calmer person. This change may have been due to the aging-maturing process, itself. His annual Christmas card to us always had a smiling photo of both of them, along with their daughter, Katrina.

My direct interactions with Dr. DeBakey were few. Most of them occurred through his sisters, Dr. Lois or Miss Selma. When I had to draft anything for him, I had to meet with one of them, usually, Dr. Lois, to obtain approval for what I had written. My longest interaction was in the preparation of materials to be presented at an NIH meeting we attended in Bethesda. Of course, he ignored everything I had prepared, but it was a pleasure to see him in action as the spokesman for medical science policy in the country.

The other way to communicate with MED was through Dr. Antonio Gotto, his medical protégé. Dr. Gotto, himself, was an internationally known physician in his specialty of arteriosclerosis. Tony had been a Rhodes Scholar and held a D.Phil. from Oxford as well as his M.D. from Vanderbilt. I reported to him on a daily basis at “five o’clock,” no matter what the actual time might be. Each day I called Jean, his personal assistant, to determine when “five o’clock” would occur on that particular day. Karen was never sure about when I would arrive home. That changed only after I began to commute by bus instead of by personal car. The METRO schedule became more important than Tony’s. There were certain, other “problems” with working through Jean to get to Tony, but that was, no doubt, part of her job. Our relationship did improve once I managed to establish with her the difference between “what Dr. Gotto might say” and “what Dr. Gotto actually said.”

Life in the Office – Dept. of Medicine and the Heart Center

My daily role with Dr. Tony Gotto was to run administrative interference for him with the heads of the various sub-specialties making up the Department of Medicine, which he chaired. I often experienced what might have been felt by a quarterback, even if I never played football. I believed that I knew what it might feel like to be sacked before throwing the ball, as the coach had wanted it to be done. The game included a variety of offensive and defensive strategies associated with the department’s budget cycles, when I negotiated with the section chiefs about their needs and demands. Since much of Medicine’s income depended upon the clinical fees derived from the private practice of its physicians, the discussions were often complex. I did manage, most of the time, for them not to be overly disappointed or angry after our negotiations were completed.

To add to the department’s financial complexity, we had to manipulate simultaneous incomes for diverse fiscal years. Baylor College of Medicine did not have its own teaching-hospital. Instead, the College, for the training of its medical students and interns, had special arrangements with TMC’s independent medical institutions. The College’s Department of Medicine relied upon the resources of The Methodist Hospital, the Veterans’ Affairs Hospital, the Ben Taub General Hospital of the Harris County Hospital District, and St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital. Each organization had its own budget cycle, which varied among three periods: January through December, July through June or September through August. It was an ongoing challenge not to run out of funds for salaries of professional and support staff during any particular month. On the other hand, for most days, my managerial experiences were actually fun.

I could have continued to devote substantial effort to the administration of the Department of Medicine, but Mr. Johnson, BCM’s treasurer, had different ideas. When he learned, after several years, that my salary came from both Baylor and The Methodist Hospital, he demanded I should not have a divided loyalty or a potential conflict of interest. The Department of Medicine hired a full-time replacement for my position with it, and the College assumed the responsibility for my entire salary, although a small portion of it came from a grant from the NIH for our Heart Center, directed by doctors DeBakey and Gotto, in which I served as the Deputy Director for Administration. Fortunately, I had an Administrator who managed the day-to-day elements for the Center’s operation. I handled policy issues on behalf of MED and AG whenever problems arose for adjudication. Almost all of the investigators in the Heart Center were also members of the faculty of the Department of Medicine, so there was a high overlap of their clinical and research missions.

As Deputy Director for Administration of the National Heart & Blood Vessel Research & Demonstration Center, the major event I coordinated directly was the site visit by the NIH for the renewal of the multibillion-dollar grant funded by this federal agency. The site visit was a major event for both the NIH and the College. At the time, this was the largest site visit ever held by the NIH. We welcomed seventy-nine visitors to review our program!

Our Heart Center, colloquially known as The DeBakey Heart Center, had three divisions: Research, Education, and Demonstration. It was a challenge to aggregate all three elements into a united effort in the control of heart and blood vessel diseases. The seventy-nine visiting consultants met, over a three-day interval, with all of the research scientists, educators and clinicians involved in our project. I managed, with the help of a young administrative assistant, Bruce Stewart, to organize dozens of simultaneously scheduled presentations of what we were doing and expected to do if the grant were renewed. Cellphones were still in the future; fortunately, their precursors, two-way walkie-talkies, were available for the two of us to coordinate the movement of all of the faculty involved in these presentations.

Our application was renewed in excess of three million dollars, an amount that would be about ten times greater in current dollars. This, too, was a fun experience.

Life in the Office – Faculty Resources

Looking at it one way, I was on the ground floor of what later became known as Information Technology. Indeed, my office as Director of Faculty and Research Resources was on the first floor of the main building for Baylor College of Medicine. My multiple tasks included the administration of all appointments to the faculty of the College, both regular and clinical, as well as with the management associated with research grants, beginning with the College’s official sign-off on all applications for external financial support and continuing through the coordination of various committees relating to faculty and research matters. Since I kept track of all of the College’s research and faculty, I could say I helped formulate the concept of information technology within the institution.

In order for a chairman to appoint someone to the department’s faculty, my signature was required in lieu of that of the President of the College or, later, the Dean for the Medical School. As with any growing academic institution, BCM kept modifying its organizational structure to meet changing conditions. Although I remained associated with the Office of the President, my immediate supervisor varied with my title of the moment.

Most of the time, I observed no problem with departmental requests for appointments to the faculty of the College. On rare occasion, I was puzzled with the applicant’s background qualifications relative to the rank to which the department wanted to appoint the person. My brief discussions with the chairman resulted with my appreciation for the action, or with a slight modification in titles bearing limiting conditions such as “Research, Clinical, Adjunct or Visiting.”

On my own delegated authority from the President, I could approve appointments at the level of Instructor or Assistant Professor. I had identical authority for all appointments with the modifying notation of “Research, Clinical, Adjunct or Visiting,” e.g., Research Associate Professor or Clinical Professor. However, for full appointments at the tenured level of Associate Professor or Professor, I had to coordinate a review by the Faculty Appointments and Promotions Committee, composed of selected departmental chairmen and senior faculty, which made its recommendations to the President for his approval.

In order to clarify the appointment process, I found it necessary to write a Faculty Handbook outlining the requirements and responsibilities associated with each type of appointment. At the time, the College had some 1,400 full-time, 100 part-time and 2,000 voluntary (Clinical) faculty. I also had oversight for the appointment of some 300 postdoctoral fellows. Many of these fellows were foreign nationals. Fortunately, a separate Office of International Services, for which I had oversight, handled their visa problems and offered other assistance they needed.

I also had oversight for a Faculty Records Office which managed all of the routine paperwork associated with an appointment. Additional information about each faculty member was retained in a computerized program I developed and maintained for this purpose. Each year, I prepared a Faculty Roster identifying all of our members as well as summary statistics for the College. As part of this overview, I designed a “flow chart” for each department to how its members advanced through the levels of Instructor, Assistant Professor, Associate Professor and Professor, beginning with their appointment to the faculty and completing with their departure for a new place. My training as a biochemist interested in metabolic pathways apparently had an entertaining result with regard to faculty pathways and the life of academic departments as organisms.

What I did for the organization of faculty appointments was replicated in what I did concerning the research in which they were engaged. Since my signature was required for every grant application seeking external support, it seemed logical for me to scan each proposal for its content – what the investigator intended to do and how much it would cost. I assigned “keywords” to each document and recorded all of the relevant information in my own Paradox-based data system.

It was not long before it was recognized I knew something about most of the research being conducted by the faculty and was able to respond to inquiries about their interests. Each year, I published a Grants Registry and Projects Thesaurus, summarizing the data showing who was doing what and their level of funding from all of the agencies providing financial support for these studies.

Another source for providing information about the research and clinical studies undertaken by the faculty was the annual Faculty Bibliography. Although I, personally, did the review and data capture for faculty appointments and research applications, I had a professional assistant in charge of the Bibliography. She obtained reprints from faculty members and inputted the information needed for the publication of this document. Those complaining about our omission of their own publications had only themselves to blame for not providing a copy to us for inclusion. I continued to be bemused by those who miss being included as a result of failing to participate in a process in which they had disdained any interest – until it affected them, directly.

Being able to support nascent research was among my favorite roles in administration. In my final position within the NIH, I had a responsibility for policies involving the Biomedical Research Support Grant providing institutional funds to medical schools and universities. Now I was the Principal Investigator for the BRSG awarded to BCM. Twice a year, I chaired the Faculty Research Committee which reviewed internal applications for modest support to initiate biological research. I enjoyed being able to help young investigators, directly. I also enjoyed helping them develop the fiscal and administrative components of their grant applications for external funding. It may be better to-give-rather-than-to-receive, but asking for support does have its own merits.

Biological research, especially in a medical school, often involves human subjects or animal models. The welfare of both types of subjects was of high concern to investigators, to fiscal supporters, and to the general public. All protocols involving human subjects had to be reviewed by a faculty committee to assure that ethical procedures were to be followed. Twice a month, our Human Subjects Review Committee met to exam every application in which such participation occurred. Fortunately, unlike the similar committee at the University of Massachusetts, I was not the chairman. At BCM, I served as the administrative liaison member and, later, affirmed, when I countersigned each application, that this review had been made and appropriate informed consent was included in the study.

A similar condition prevailed for the Animal Studies Review Committee, which I had chaired at Umass but here at Baylor was chaired by a member of the faculty involved with animal studies. Fortunately, the BCM Animal Care Facility with its nonhuman primate section did not have any problems with PETA or the public, in general. I admit I did not attend as many sessions of either the Human Subjects or the Animal Care committees as I might have; other professional events kept me well occupied.

Ultimately my role in research administration was taken over by a member of the faculty who was a clinical investigator and held an M.D. degree. This newly designated Vice President for Research, with his tenfold increased staff, now managed the efforts in which I, alone, had been engaged. As the College developed an expanded interest in maintaining computerized information and the establishment of a multi-staffed IT office, my own personalized system was set aside. Nevertheless, I remained as the Director of Faculty Appointments throughout the remainder of my career with BCM.

A Puzzled Existence

During the first month I was with Baylor College of Medicine, I had received a telephone call from Tom Malone, my first mentor at the NIH, who now held the position of Associate Director for Extramural Programs, once filled by John Sherman and then by Ronald Lamont-Havers. Tom, learning I had left the University of Massachusetts, inquired if I might be interested in returning to the NIH to be part of his office and become a potential senior member of the agency. I was strongly tempted at the time, having greatly enjoyed being part of the federal administration. However, I thought it would not be “good form,” having recently accepted positions with Dr. Gotto and Dr. Butler, to leave the College so abruptly. I declined Tom’s offer.

Had I accepted Tom’s proposition, my entire life – and that of my family – would have been radically different. Until my last year with the College, I was happily and gainfully employed. I have also been very content with all of the corollary results: my marriage, my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and with my ministry at Christ the Good Shepherd and within the Diocese of Galveston-Houston as an ordained Permanent Deacon. None of this would have likely occurred if I had not remained with BCM in Houston, Texas.

However, my career with the College did have its unique puzzlement. I did little journal writing during my years in Houston. Evidently, I was too involved in trying to figure out what I was doing or, more important, what I was expected to be doing. I was never told what these expectations might be. By the end of that first year, I finally concluded I was hired to do what I thought needed to be done and if others seemed to accept my actions, the results would be sufficient for my employment to be continued. This conclusion was valid, perhaps, too valid.

For twenty-one years, from 1977 through 1998, my efforts were accepted by William Butler, M.D., the President of Baylor College of Medicine. There were slight changes in the person to whom I directly reported. In 1981, I no longer reported to Tony Gotto as his departmental Administrator and gave up any responsibility for managing the Department of Medicine on a day-to-day basis. Three years later, in 1984, I also relinquished administration of the DeBakey Heart Center, which had grown beyond its NIH funding as a research and demonstration center.

Having relinquished my management ties to the Department of Medicine, I retained, under a variety of titles, responsibility for research grant administration and for the appointment of faculty members to the medical school. My direct supervisors to whom I reported changed. At first, there was Tony Gorry, Ph.D., who was the Vice President for Information and Technology. When Gorry became a Vice President at Rice University, Bobby Alford, M.D., who remained as Chairman of the Department of Otorhinolaryngology, was appointed as the Dean of Medicine and became my direct superior. I have more than a dozen Christmas nutcrackers received from him over those years, as remembrances of our association.

When Bill Butler became President Emeritus in 1998, Ralph Feigin, M.D. was appointed as the new President of BCM. Unfortunately, I had annoyed Ralph when he was Chairman of the Department of Pediatrics. There had been times when he wanted to do things his way, even though this would have been inappropriate, administratively. I was able to accommodate his desires by offering alternatives; however, he was not pleased when I explained to him that what he wanted me to do, could not be done directly “his way.” Shortly after Feigin became President, Bobby Alford notified me that my contract would not be renewed for the following academic year. I would be given twelve months to find another position in one of the College’s departments. I decided July 1, 1999, would be a good date on which to retire.

At the end of June, Karen and I left for a two-week vacation in England. I never returned to work after my final vacation.

San Francisco, New York City and Back Again

Although I did not maintain a diary during those years at BCM, I did – from time to time – enter a reflection into a small notebook I carried with me on trips to professional meetings or on site visits I continued to make for the NIH. Here are a few entries from those journals.

Tuesday, Oct. 2, 1979 (San Francisco, CA):
       Here I am in my hotel room, alone, in San Francisco, a city advertised as one of the most exciting cities in the country. Yes, it could be; but not when you’re alone and when the woman you love is 1,500 miles away. San Francisco is for couples. I learned that. It really isn’t a town for a single man who has no interest in picking up a woman – nor another man! Even if this town is known for that as well as its fog and charm.
       Right now I, myself, feel foggy – and not at all charming. I’m cool and damp, I cover, obscure, all that I touch. I crave a warmth to burn it all away. Perhaps in this writing I can.
      It’s now a few minutes after 10 o’clock. I just returned from getting a cheeseburger at a greasy-spoon a block from the hotel – over on O’Farrell. A safe distance away. A left turn, up the hill from the Hilton and a block to the right. “Never turn down hill!” The printed program for the meeting carries that admonition. Yet, down-hill doesn’t look all that bad. No more sleazy than some areas I’ve seen in Washington, D. C. I suppose “down-hill” never does look that bad when you are at the top.
        How do I feel right now? The question, of course, was prompted by an assessment of where I am on my own personal hill. The first response is: introspective. Why not? After all, if I didn’t feel that way, I probably would not be writing this right now.
       The next one is: puzzled. Yes, that’s a good term. It implies, to me, that I’m in several pieces that need putting back together. I want to see what the picture looks like. I am a jig-saw puzzle. Who cut up the pieces, I wonder? Was there once a whole picture and somehow it got cut up? Or is that what life is all about?
       Is God a puzzle maker, a master at constructing a jig-saw puzzle? We’re born all of a tumble, pieces scattered from a box. So many years are spent turning all of the pieces right-side-up. Then comes the time for finding the ones with a straight edge so that the frame can be built first. Finally, one hopes to build up the rest of the picture, to see what God intended right from the start.
      Where am I in all of this?
      I think I’ve turned over all of my pieces during the first thirty-eight years of my life. To be sure, some were turned over more recently. During the last five to six years. I’ve been building the frame, finding the straight edges. I’ve even found several inside pieces that seem to match. In fact, during the last six months, a number of aggregates have been constructed. They await the right time to be inserted into the picture.
      This is surely what “encounter with self” is all about – an attempt to turn the pieces the right way and begin the work of putting them together.
      What does my puzzle look like so far?
      There appear to be a lot of rosy colors. Karen has found most of them for me and put them together in large aggregates. In fact, she has concentrated on most of the bright pieces. I’ve been obsessed with the dark and dull ones. I see mainly my shortcomings.
     I see my anger, my annoyance, my intolerance. She sees my tenderness, my gentleness, my ability to comfort. In fact, she has pointed out how some of the dull, grey pieces are really lilac when put together.
     I see my drive to achieve, she sees my concern and need to help others. I serve two masters: me and others. I strive to please others so that I can please myself. I want others to accept me for who I am so that I can accept myself for who I am – and not for what I do.
     Yet, how can I separate the two? How can I really “be” without doing. Only God can be; all else must do in order to exist. Only God can exist without doing something to show there is existence. That’s an essential characteristic. God is; man does. Everything does. Atoms move; without movement nothing exists. A basic condition of physics, so I’m told. At absolute zero, there is no movement; at absolute zero, there is no existence as we think of existence.
     Everything must do something. Everything is known by what it does, by what it can do. Why should I be different?
      It’s ok for me to be accepted for what I can do. What I can do for others. It’s a necessary condition. The question then becomes: what should I do, what can I do? How do the two relate? Satisfaction comes from doing what should be done.
     I should help – rather than harm – other people. When I can help, and not harm, then I am accomplishing what I should do. Then I should be satisfied. Can I be satisfied?
     What a confusing web our, or at least, my words weave!
     And without benefit of a scotch!
     I brought back a cup of Sanka. It’s almost gone. Perhaps I should quit now. I’ve been writing for almost an hour. I should read for a while. Let my thoughts unwind. Begin a new web tomorrow.

I kept the notebook and used it once more, several months later.

Monday, January 14, 1980 (New York City, NY):
      In a way New York City is not much different from San Francisco. Yet there are subtle changes – in the environment and certainly in me.
     Yes, I’ve re-read my West Coast reflections, sitting now in the lobby of the Hotel Tudor. I really can’t abide my cell of a room. If it were in a monastery there would be more atmosphere! So here I am, Muzak bombarded, with people wandering by.
      I want my life to have some meaning. I’m not sure what meaning it really has now. Yes, I know it has meaning when it comes to Karen and me. My meaning in life is to love her, to be present to her when she needs me. That really means a lot to me. I so want her to need me – as I need her.
      This is what my life is all about.
      Strange. My life really began here in New York City, March 1957. Pictures come to mind. Karen in a blue-green coat on a Staten Island ferry boat. Her auburn hair blowing in the wind. I see her face, creamy in my mind’s eye. A Maureen O’Sullivan look! And her green eyes.
      I see her beside me at Rockefeller Center, at St Patrick’s, in a subway station late at night. At a restaurant called the Californian. At Sarde’s with “hambourger” that is four inches high and steak-tartare inside. At the Latin Quarter. Sleeping thorough the “Potting Shed.”
       Back then, Times Square held excitement and crispness, not the sleaziness of today’s walk among the porn shops and movie houses. That New York of twenty-three years ago is our New York. Then – a street vendor of hot pretzels offered a kingly repast; now I’m thankful he sells his wares and hands me the hot dough wrapped in a paper napkin.
      Then – there were lovely smoke-rings from the Camel’s ad on Times Square; now it’s been replaced by air pollution from cabs splashing dirty water on any who venture too near the curb. Each block held a new adventure; now a hint of violence, of ugliness. Baghdad-on-the-Hudson has become Tehran!

Two years later I returned for another site visit to San Francisco; the following words come from my notebook:

July 6, 1982 (San Francisco, CA):
      I’d forgotten what the smell of pine is like! A gentle fragrance, a tickle on the nose. A green aroma drawn deep into the lungs. I’m awash in it, here in an isolated spot in the Japanese Tea Garden of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. How I wish Karen were here with me. A hint of her perfume would match the exotic odors of the candelabra pines around me. They stand like tiered birthday cakes, wedding cakes is more like it. In shades of green – shadow darkened, sun spotted. Delicate feathers waltzing in the breeze.
     A change of venue! To a post at the foot of a waterfall. Silver threads past a tapestry of red and green. Grey rocks spotted, like knurled hands, with lots of moss. Azure sky above the hill. The orange flash of a pagoda. Miniature daisies at my feet. Sunlight on my back. The Lord is good!
      How many shades of green are there!?
      For a moment the people had gone. I was alone with Karen and with God.
      The Tea House itself. With jasmine tea and a dish of nibble cookies/crackers. Crunch and sweet. And still the fragrance of pine.
It is difficult to exist in the now! I’ve spent the last hour or so looking at thousand-year-old jade carvings in the de Young museum. And now I’m sitting in the dappled sun-shade of the arboretum. I’ve tried to slow down, not to plan what I’m going to do next, how I’m going to invest my time to get the largest yield on the rental car. So much to see. Even more to perceive.
Why can I not rest here for awhile? To feel the cool breeze, to tune out the auto-noise of civilization which trespasses in this abode of rustling leaves, of a gibbering bird. Technological pollution of nature’s orchestra. Discordant blasts to stifle what I’d like to hear – to be.

Life on Grand Valley in Spring, Texas

Our first home in Houston was actually in the suburb of Spring, Texas, or perhaps “greater” Spring, since I was never able to locate anything that might have been “downtown” Spring, unless it had once been the area now known as Old Town Spring. The shops found in Old Town were marvelous for quaint sightseeing and browsing. The menu for the Wunsche Brothers Café and Saloon, opened in 1902, was magnificently German. The sauerkraut balls, which had some sausage mixed with the kraut, could satisfy my appetite completely, but I usually had a ‘burger, as well. In 2015, the building was destroyed in a fire. For several years, there were promises it would be rebuilt. Finally, it was reopened in 2021. I haven’t tried the restored sauerkraut balls but hope they haven’t changed.

The suburbs of Houston continue to hold a few Germanic sparks from early settlers in Texas. The Hispanic influence has gradually increased during the four decades we have lived here, along with a Southeast Asian arrival of Vietnamese, who have joined the previously existing Chinese culture. There are sections of Houston where the street signs are in Chinese; they are usually not direct translations of the English name. Another cultural influence has been the result of the influx of residents from New Orleans, with their French-Arcadian-Creole elements, following the aftermath of hurricane Katrina, which devastated southern Louisiana and the Crescent City several years ago.

Our own home on Grand Valley Drive was a French-Colonial house with a front balcony and wrought-iron railings. Grand Valley, itself, was located on flat land on the edge of a “hundred-year flood plain.” When we moved in, we Yankees had no idea what this term really meant. Our house was near Greens Bayou, a waterway prone to overflow after a heavy rain. Later, we learned the bayous surrounding Houston were a significant part of the city’s drainage system. They were designed by nature to carry water rapidly into the Gulf of Mexico, especially after a major storm or hurricane. Tropical storm Allison, which, in 1989, sat over our house for twenty-four hours, taught us about a “hundred-year flood plain.”

During the storm, we anxiously watched the water rise slowly into our front yard. We knew something was not right when more water began to ooze between the tiles in our entryway. We moved as much of our belongings as we could to the second floor and spent the evening with friends in the neighborhood, albeit several blocks farther from the bayou. Twenty-four hours later, the foot of water had drained from our first floor. We stood on our balcony and watched motorboats speed down the street.

This was the spring prior to Ken’s wedding with Tracey. For several months, we lived through a reconstruction involving the tearing out of downstairs walls, to a height of fourteen inches, and the elimination of our carpeting, stuffed furniture, and bookcases broken apart by swollen books. We were amazed at how rapidly discarded furniture disappeared from our curb, lugged off by passersby.

Since we were living on the “last street in the 100-year flood plain,” we had been required to purchase flood insurance. Our friends on the next street did not have this requirement and suffered losses not covered by any insurance. We, at least, received about $40,000 for the damages done by Allison. As for Ken’s wedding, it went as planned in August, but their engagement party was held in the home of Karen’s dear friend, Sally G.

With respect to normal living in our home on Grand Valley, before and after Allison, I continued to enjoy gardening, although my enthusiasm was diminished by several conditions not directly related to flooding. Of course, weather was the major one. I had not realized what it would be like to work outdoors in a climate as humid as the one we found here. Furthermore, I had to learn about entirely new species which would survive in an everyday garden. My beloved forsythia, lilacs and rhododendrons, common to New England, were replaced with azaleas and camellias, along with elephant-ear greenery. The area left for grass was much smaller than what we had in Amherst.

The ground floor had a large living room, dining room, and family room with adjoining dining nook, kitchen and a guest bathroom. We lived on Grand Valley for eighteen years and, until the flood, did little to change the inherited wallpaper and carpets. We had kept the weird wallpaper with its shining peacocks as part of the hallway decor, along with the wallpaper in the dining room (flocked) and kitchen (wide stripes)! We even kept the green-shag carpet in the family room, until the “reconstruction” after Allison allowed for its replacement! Indeed, good results can come from bad events.

Once again, Ken and Kip had their own spaces. I regained a study only after Ken went off to college. Although much of the time Deb was away at Syracuse University, we retained her own bedroom for her use during the summer, and as a guest room, in case any arrived. (Few did.) A master bedroom, with its bath and walk-in closet, opened onto our balcony through a French door.

Although our residence on Grand Valley Drive was a comfortable house, which held all of our colonial furniture and possessions from New England, it did not, for me, really replace the beloved home we had in Amherst. My nostalgic feelings about a place to live, comfortably, in Texas, were finally addressed when, several anxious years after Allison, we were able to sell our French Colonial and move to Cypress, Texas.

Life in the City – Houston and “The Little Tin Box”

The only way to see a city is to be a tourist. This is a requirement for those who reside in one as much as it is for someone passing though. When we first arrived in Houston, we knew very little about our new city. Unlike Washington, D.C., which had different destinations we could examine each weekend, our new location did not lend itself to weekend sightseeing. So, on occasion, we became tourists. We would rent a room in a hotel downtown or near the Galleria for use as a center from which we would make our walking excursions.

The Warwick Hotel, on the edge of Hermann Park overlooking the Mecom Fountain, was an example of a truly “grand hotel.” It now has the improbable name: Hotel ZaZa Houston, having been bought by a luxury hotel chain. Karen and I were originally introduced to the Warwick when BCM made reservations there for our first visit to the medical school. Later, we thought it would make an excellent headquarters for a tourist visit to the Park with its zoological and botanical gardens and to the nearby Museum District.

We enjoyed the ability to spend time exploring the sites around us, both natural and artificial. The weather was pleasant. We had chosen an appropriate time during the spring season, when riding the train through the Park presented lively views of people and places. We pinched leaves in the herb garden to induce aromas distinct from the fragrances of plants in bloom in the nearby rose garden. We were surprised when we came upon a young lady and her photographer using one of the smaller, pillared fountain-colonnades as the venue for the usual bridal poses. I recognized her as being a member of our own parish, Christ the Good Shepherd, in Spring. Our interaction led me to realize that Houston may be a smaller town than I had once thought it to be.

The Modern Arts Museum, of course, cannot be appreciated in only a single visit. However, our tourist-weekend afforded an introduction to expeditions we made over the many years which followed. I have a special delight for works from the Middle Ages and the Italian Renaissance. Houston has a very worthwhile permanent exhibit for these periods. During our early years in Houston, I made visits to several traveling exhibits in the museum’s galleries. When they were young, I even took two of our grandsons to the King Tut show. Later, they found the Star Wars exhibit to be of greater interest.

During the last decades, Hermann Park and the Museum District have made significant enhancements. Unfortunately, I have not taken the time to experience them. My interest in art and nature readily available in Houston has not changed but my physical reluctance for waking through new locations has increased. I’m pleased I made use of the time I had years ago to see as much of Houston as I did.

My interest in the performing arts has continued, but, again, there is a case of the spirit being willing, but the joints are weak. In earlier times, while I was still employed downtown at Baylor Med, I would remain in the city after my working hours and Karen would join me for dinner and an evening performance in one of the sites in the Theater District. We never became regular customers at Biraporetti’s but it was our usual place to eat before taking in a performance scheduled for the Broadway Series or for Theater-Under-the-Stars. This was during the era when TUTS had become an indoor venue for traveling musicals.

Among my possessions is a Little Tin Box stuffed with ticket stubs from such events as Brigadoon, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, West Side Story, Thoroughly Modern Millie, Hair, Music Man, A Chorus Line, The King and I, Peter Pan, Singing in the Rain, Fiddler on the Roof, The Lion King, Mama Mia, South Pacific, My Fair Lady, Oliver, and of course: Man of La Mancha. Since Karen had a particular interest in horses, there are also stubs for performances for Cavalia, in which the rider and the ridden seem to become one, and for the more traditional Lipizzaner Stallions appearing at the Compaq Center, since we were able to attend only their practice session on one of our visits to Vienna.

My own Little Tin Box is filled with physical mementos – ticket stubs for times of past enjoyments. Karen gave the box to me many years ago. Among its other contents there is a very tiny book written by Edward Hays, a true storyteller, who believes all of life is a narrative we tell one another. His tale of the Little Tin Box contains the line: “The purpose of any possession … is to make memories! The purpose of money – the only purpose – is to make memories. Things and possessions only rust and age, but memories … are like fine wine – they grow in value with time.”

In Hays’ story, his main characters, Tommy and his wife, have their own twin boxes which hold invisible memories they could take out for warming reflections, until the day when Tommy’s box clicked shut for the last time. In the funeral parlor, his wife replaces the rosary, clasped in his hands, with his Little Tin Box, as he lay in his coffin – an action much to the displeasure of their Polish priest. In response to his pious indignation, she says the memories it contains are Tommy’s daily beads for prayer. That night, her own tin box clicks shut for the final time.

My own Little Tin Box bears the name: Cameos and Carousels: Legacy in Words. I intend to place more memories into it before it clicks shut, the final time.

Christ the Good Shepherd

Organized religion has been a significant part of my life since my earliest days with Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, my home parish in Niles, Ohio. Although I did withdraw my allegiance during my college days at Kent State, there was a modest return, under Karen’s influence, with the Newman Center at Cornell. In the following years, with each new move, we became affiliated with another parish. The closeness I felt to the parish usually depended upon the nature of the pastor. Although each parish and each pastor had an influence on me, the greatest impact came with Christ the Good Shepherd and its pastor, Fr. Ed Abell.

Father Ed appeared in our life, shortly after our settlement in Spring, Texas. We had been attending a parish associated with our particular neighborhood, Ponderosa Forest. One Sunday, Fr. Ed was a visiting priest who spoke about a new community he was establishing in the area. We listened but thought we should remain with our current parish, St. Edward’s, until our sons had completed their preparation for Confirmation. After that, we could make a decision about a change for our Sunday worship. Following their Confirmation, we began to attend services at the newly established CGS.

The transfer made geographic sense. Although both parishes were about the same distance from where we lived, we would no longer need to encounter Interstate 45, even on a Sunday morning, in order to get to Mass. The change did mean we would be returning to services in a public-school building for several years, but relinquishing those traffic hassles made this change of venue worthwhile. At the time, we had no idea how amazing life would become when it was centered, for the first months, at Benfer Elementary School and then at Strack Intermediate School. In a very short time, these sites became endeared to us and our new friends as “Saint Benfer’s” and “Our Lady of Strack.” While Sunday services were celebrated at these locations, the social-religious life of the parish was focused on a storefront building at a strip shopping-center on FM 1960. Our parish life became more than getting to Mass on Sunday mornings.

Fr. Ed and several members of the parish were active in a group called Marriage Encounter, a new program that encouraged a married couple to grow more closely together in their faith and love for one another. Karen and I, over the years, had participated in other programs we thought were probably similar to “ME.” In New Hampshire, we had joined the Christian Family Movement, (CFM) an outgrowth of recent changes brought about by the Second Vatican Council of the late sixties. We thought that ME, like the CFM, might expand the number of people we knew. Little did we realize how earthshaking this “encounter” would prove to be.

The weekend retreat, held in a local motel, was led by a priest and three married couples who gave brief talks about their lives, with a particular focus on “feelings.” After each presentation, the couples in attendance wrote a “love letter” to their spouse. Assigned topics for each letter were variations of the question: “How do I feel when you ….”

Karen and I had written letters to one another for many years, mainly while she remained for her senior year at Kent State and I was in graduate school. In fact, it was an early letter that prompted the beginning of our dating in college. Although we had continued to write to one another, when we were separated by individual vacations at our parents’ homes or by my work-related travel, the content of these new exchanges was radically different. We quickly learned that the “feelings,” the sentiments, expressed in our letters over the years were actually superficial. Of course, we had meant them at the time we wrote, but the intensity had not been equal to what erupted when we wrote letters to one another on our original Marriage Encounter Weekend. We, indeed, learned how to “encounter” one another at levels we had rarely experienced, except (perhaps) in our earliest years of marriage.

At the completion of the weekend, we were invited to consider becoming a presenting team. This would require us to continue to write daily “love letters” to one another on “How do I feel when you … ?” We were also required to attend a so-called Deeper weekend in Kansas City, where we would learn more about what it would be like to be a “presenting team.” We agreed to both conditions, little appreciating, at the time, how greatly our lives would change by saying “yes” to a simple invitation.

Marriage Encounter

On our first Marriage Encounter Weekend, I re-found my deep love for Karen. On our second, Deeper ME Weekend, I re-found my love for fellow Catholics and for the Roman Catholic Church.

Upon leaving that first ME Weekend, we were greeted by a room-full of people we knew and did not yet know, who offered us a fellowship I had never experienced – except for rare times with fraternity brothers decades ago. They gave us their love, because of who we were and not for what we did or did not do. In the following weeks, we met with a small circle of them to share meals and fellowship conversations. From such beginnings, we developed close relationships with couples that lasted for many years – until death or natural geography intervened.

Karen and I continued to write daily love letters to one another. I learned how to express feelings with words and at depths I had never truly realized before. Over the intervening years we had – as have many, if not most, couples – drifted apart. We were icebergs floating over cold waters, most of our existence hidden from sight from all who passed silently by us. Frigid mists encompassed our passages, parting only momentarily just before a collision might occur. It was during these new, halcyon days that we rediscovered our passion for one another and for life.

We journeyed to Kansas City, Kansas for our second, Deeper ME weekend. The love letters we wrote in Kansas City had topics not unlike those we had responded to at the Marriot Inn on I-45 in Houston, but somehow, the feelings, the illumination, I now experienced went beyond the two of us. At the Eucharistic celebration completing the weekend, I felt an intense oneness with those couples who had participated in our fellowship and had made commitments to bring this encounter to others.

The following months and years were not always easy. We met with other team-couples as we developed our own presentations for ME Weekends we would be giving. I learned I did not welcome criticism, especially “constructive” criticism, regarding my descriptions of a personal life over which my soul-searching had labored for many hours. But I did learn to rethink and to rewrite, so that what I said might prompt listeners to undergo their own metamorphoses. I learned that true metanoia comes neither cheaply nor immediately.

Our lifestyles changed. Karen gave up her job as a secretary with Petroleum Publishing, perhaps without much reluctance, and became the underpaid secretary for Fr. Drew Wood, the director of the Vocations Office for the Diocese of Galveston-Houston. This Chancery office was downtown, giving us an opportunity for a mutual commute and replacing our separate drives to the Galleria and the Texas Medical Center.

Meanwhile, we did act as a presenting team-couple for Marriage Encounter Weekends throughout Houston. We continued to meet routinely with our ME circle of friends.

We also became active within CGS. Our major joint-ministry was to be part of the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA), which was the process used for bringing new members into the Catholic Church. The parish program, nicknamed Maranatha, was directed by Sister Alice Meeham, who was a model of what an “elderly” nun should be. At the time, she was well into her “late sixties” or “early seventies” and had once been a cloistered nun for the Maryknoll Sisters. Karen and I, as well as many of our friends at CGS, were amazed at how active a person of this age could be! She even taught yoga! Oh, how much we had to learn over our next forty years about the process of aging!

Sister Alice was not the only model for our new lives. Fr. Ed was, by far, the most exemplary one. I have never seen a priest so enraptured when celebrating Eucharist as I had when given the privilege to observe him consecrating mere bread and wine to become, indeed, the “body and blood of Christ.” And yes, I was later in a position to recognize that he, too, had human foibles, but ones which scarcely mattered in the long run. Fr. Ed presided at the twenty-fifth and fiftieth wedding-anniversary Masses offered in our honor. He had agreed to preside at our funeral services, as well, but predecease us several years ago.

His encouragement, along with that of several other clergy, was behind my own decision to become a Permanent Deacon. The “story” in our family is, however, that since Karen, who worked in the Vocations Office, could not get either of our sons to become priests, she donated me to become a deacon. The story is only partially true; Fr. Ed had his role, too.

The Diaconate – Formation

Change comes about gradually. Encouragement for change also comes from a spectrum of people rather than from a specific guru. In fact, I would doubt the permanency of change resulting from the influence of only one human person, no matter how insightful that one might be. We are the result of the influence of many people rather than of one outstanding exemplar. Rocks are worn down by a constant flow of water droplets. A torrent can toss them aside, move them to different locations and result in a catastrophe rather than in a long-lasting modification of shape and form.

Before meeting Steve LaBonte, I never knew there were such men as “Permanent Deacons” in the Catholic Church. I had heard of deacons and archdeacons in the historic church, in the early days of Christianity. But somehow, this reintroduction of a ministry resulting from the Second Vatican Council was not part of my personal experience. It was Deacon Steve, a newly ordained clerical member of CGS, who demonstrated to many of us what a true “servant” could be. In addition, Steve and his wife, Carol, were from Boston, and it was comforting to hear bean-town accents once again. My spiritual leaders now consisted of a trinitarian Fr. Ed, Deacon Steve and Sister Alice. They were augmented by the Associate Pastor, Fr. John Keller, and by others I encountered through “Good Shepherd.”

With their initial encouragement, I had attended that Marriage Encounter Weekend, had agreed to become, with Karen, a presenting-couple for other weekend retreats, and a willing participant in fellowship gatherings within the neighborhood where we lived. My interests were expanded by magnificent liturgical and social-justice leaders within the parish who were also well-known throughout the diocese. In some mystical way, Karen and I found ourselves to be part of one of the leading parishes of the Diocese of Galveston-Houston.

We were not alone. As a result of the encouragement present within the parish, five men (and their wives) entered the Permanent Diaconate program and were ordained four years later. Al and Pat O’Brien, John and Jan Charnisky, Barry and Kitty Beckman, and Bob and Beth DeGrave became our close friends during our years together at CGS and over the decades which led us to diverse paths in our worldly life and life-everlasting. The burial plot Karen and I purchased many years ago is close-by the one now occupied by Barry and Kitty.

Together we attended weekly classes on theology, scripture, ecclesiology, church history, and morality. We prayed together at monthly retreats at the Holy Name Passionist Retreat Center. We became listening hearts and open minds for one another. We shared hopes and dreams, along with the reality of raising families. Within the parish, Karen and I became involved as lectors and worship coordinators. Learning how to turn on the power for the lighting and sound systems in the church building can be as essential as learning how to pronounce Biblical names and locations.

The ten of us comprised a very special team that helped us in our mutual and overlapping ministries during the next decades. The five of us were joined by deacons who had preceded us at CGS (Steve LaBonte and Glen Cuiper) and those ordained shortly after us (John Rooney and Les Cooper). At formal, monthly meetings we shared what each of us had learned or experienced separately. But more important, we shared meals and laughter, a true fellowship. John Rooney, who was more adept spiritually than the rest of us, gave the neonate deacons instructions in how to participate, daily, in the Liturgy of the Hours, a feat that required tearfully confused lessons, but which I have continued to practice for almost a half-century.

However, the nine of us shared more than spiritual development. We even shared “white elephants” for Christmas exchanges. How else could Steve and Carol get rid of a huge, burnt orange overstuffed sofa that remained on our front porch for several days before we could have it hauled off for a proper burial? Not every change is a rapid one; getting rid of furniture and other burdens can, indeed, take time.

Diaconate – Matrimony

It takes time to actually become a Permanent Deacon. A time for more than classes, lectures and reading. The remaining decades turned me into a true deacon, a better servant, with my interactions with members of CGS and the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston.

Marriage preparation was a cornerstone of my ministry. I enjoyed and learned much about life from my interaction with young couples who desired to be married in the Catholic Church. Parish and diocesan policy required they meet several times with a deacon or priest who would witness their exchange of vows. My own procedure was to have an initial conversation in which we would get to know one another. Then, there would be two or three hour-long sessions on content, those issues important for consideration with regard to a long-lasting marriage. A session would follow for the completion of paperwork required by the diocese. The final interaction would be the planning of the liturgical celebration, itself.

Our initial interaction was usually a pleasant one for my learning about the bride and groom to be: how they met, what they saw in one another, why they wanted to get married. Our concluding discussion for that initial evening together was always interesting.

I asked them a question that no one had ever asked them before: “tell me about your God.” There was no single, “correct” answer, of course, but I did work with them to reach a conclusion that each one of them had a personal divinity, a power beyond themselves that could be called “God” and that they had an individual relationship with this “being.” Our conversation focused on the concept that they were about to enter a lifelong covenant relationship with one another and with this God. If they could not accept this concept, they should not get married in the Catholic Church. They should enter into a contract with a Justice of the Peace as their witness. In thirty-plus years of interacting with couples, I never had any one of them conclude otherwise. They may not have been a Catholic, or even a Christian, but they all had a personal divinity with whom they could relate and with whom they desired to enter a libeling covenant along with their spouse.

Over the years there were only a few couples about whom I had doubts that they would be able to work through the issues ahead of them. I never told them they should not get married, but I did extend their intermediary sessions beyond the usual two or three meetings – often until they, themselves, reached the conclusion that their marriage was premature, and they would stop coming to our sessions. A few times they would call me months later and we would resume the preparation.

Our intermediate discussions included the usual issues of family history (they were marrying more than a single spouse; they were marrying each other’s relatives, as well) and finances (along with plans and desires for work, housing and purchases.) They seemed to enjoy the question about how much could each spend without a prior notification or spousal agreement, along with the suggestion that there might be three accounts: a joint one for all family expenses and two separate, modest ones for each of them so they could buy “surprise” presents for each other or save up for individual personal expenditures that would be difficult to “justify” to someone else but were important to their own interests. Parenting issues were also important, including their plans about when and how many children each wanted, as well as their feelings about what might they do if having their own, biological children might not be possible.

By the time we had completed these conversations, I never had a problem when it came to the evening for “paperwork” and the formal agreements by the Catholic party in so-called mixed marriages. Neither the Catholic nor the non-Catholic partner had any issues about the formal dispensation process.

Of course, it was usually a fun evening to plan the wedding. They had few problems choosing the options available from walking in with a parent or two, to what readings to have, and how they should be “introduced” as a newlywed couple as they left the assembly.

I was fortunate in having to deal with only one horrible-mother-of-the-bride in more than two hundred weddings I witnessed. When I learned from the wedding-coordinator that this MoB really had not wanted to give me a stipend, I never cashed the check she gave me. On the other hand, I did not always receive a stipend from a couple; it’s no surprise that Catholic clergy could not survive if they did not receive a minimal salary from the Diocese along with room and board – and a car-allowance. It’s economically advantageous for the Diocese that Permanent Deacons usually have outside employment.

Diaconate – Annulments

It was more fun preparing couples for the sacrament of matrimony than it was in advising them how to determine that one never took place and that an annulment could be sought so that a rite of marriage could be performed in the Catholic Church. Over the years, I met with many individuals who needed such assistance, especially those who wanted to become a Roman Catholic through the RCIA process and required a “valid” marriage for the completion of this desire.

There is, basically, only one way in which an exchange of vows is not really an exchange of vows: when one party, at least, should have said “no” but said “yes.” There are several formal ways in which one can seek an annulment of a marriage: when the exchange of vows is “forced” rather than being given freely, for example, or when one party cannot really make a libeling commitment or does not really desire to parent children as part of that commitment of mutual love. In each instance, either the bride or the groom (or both!) should have said “no – we should not get married.” Nevertheless, they did. It then became my responsibility to help the petitioner remember the circumstances of the wedding and why it should not have taken place.

Over the thirty years of my active ministry, I probably averaged one person a month who came to me to learn about getting an annulment. In almost every case, I thought I saw a valid reason why one or the other partner should have said “no,” making the possibility of obtaining a formal annulment likely. However, after the initial conversation, few came back to pursue the matter. Evidently, they believed the process would be too painful or, in some way, not possible. That was their individual choice. I never encouraged any of them to do what they did not choose to do, willingly. For those who did return and to whom I offered formal assistance, the vast majority ultimately were granted an annulment, and I could then proceed to work with them for a “con validation” of their current marriage.

I recall one instance in which the husband had been dating two women simultaneously. He married one of them. The other had known about the duplicity but was unwilling to state formally to the Tribunal reviewing the petition that she had been dating the man during his courtship of another woman. Since he had been very “discrete” in his dual relationships, no one else was a witness to his actions. The Tribunal declined his petition for a decree of nullity.

The easiest, formal petitions were those in which the marriage took place because the couple had engaged in active intercourse at a time when they each believed such an interaction must end with a marriage, even if a true love was missing in their relationship. If the respondent agreed the impending birth was the major reason for the wedding, the petitioner usually was granted a decree of nullity.

The petitioner often had to wait a year for the granting of the decree but welcomed the result. In each instance, the petitioner recognized that neither partner had caused the separation and divorce through their “bad” behavior. This was a more consoling view than the one they had when the civil divorce had been granted. If “handled” appropriately, the annulment process was actually a healing procedure in the life of a formerly married couple. The con validation process which followed usually led to a more fruitful preparation than had been experienced the first-time-around. Helping those seeking an annulment became a benefit to me as I prepared others for their first and only sacrament of matrimony.

On the other hand, the petitions which took the least amount of effort on my part were those in which a Catholic married someone without their exchange of vows being witnessed by a priest or deacon. In those cases, I merely had to review all of the paperwork: Catholic baptismal record showing one partner was indeed a Roman Catholic, a wedding license showing the ceremony had not been conducted by a priest or deacon, and a civil divorce decree indicating the legal union was no longer valid. The petitioner had to take time to locate all of the forms, but I had it easy. Even when I encountered my own “woman at the well” who was a Catholic who had been married multiple times but always “outside” the Church.

Helping couples prepare for marriage and assisting those whose marriages ended, were the major interactions I had with others. I must admit my hesitation in giving comfort to the physically ill and to those who lost loved ones through death. I very seldom made visits to either hospitals or funeral homes. I never visited a prison. It was fortunate that my active role as a Permanent Deacon occurred during a time when we were not formally assigned a non-parish ministry by the Archdiocese. I like to believe that my ministry was effective, but there have been tremendous gaps in what I have failed to do. I pray my ministry was sufficient, but there have been times I have had my doubts.

Diaconate – Adult Religious Education

There was more in my ministry of being a Permanent Deacon than spiritual counseling of those seeking marriage or its dissolution! The vast majority of my time and effort was dedicated to being a teacher. My role in the religious education of adults was the most enjoyable part of my ministry within the parish and the diocese.

At CGS, my focus was on presentations for those soon-to-be Catholics who were part of our Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) program. Recently, I have continued to teach part of the RCIA program at Epiphany of the Lord, where we are current members. The major topics I have presented include: “Christology” (Who is Jesus?); “Prayer” (How do we interact with God?); “Sacraments” (How does God continue to offer us His grace through Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist (the sacraments of initiation); through Reconciliation and Anointing (ways of healing and reunion); and through our vocations (Matrimony and Holy Orders.) The fourth major topic has been: “Social Service and Social Justice” (How do we respond with our own actions as we follow Christ into his Kingdom?)

Although the specific titles have varied, these four general areas have comprised much of what I offered as part of the diocesan series in its Formation Toward Christian Ministry (FTCM) program required for laity who want to become associated with religious education at a parish level.

Within the FTCM, I offered multiple-week sessions on History of the Church; Prayer and Spirituality; Ministry; and Christology. Within the parish, my multiple-week courses for adult education included Basic Beliefs of the Catholic Church, which was a summary of Catholic doctrine and practice. Since my favorite topic was the history of the Church, I also presented an additional five-week series on History of the Catholic Church in America: Catholic Americans/American Catholics.

Another course that gave me great pleasure was one I facilitated on Comparative Christianity in which there were guest ministers representing Lutheran, Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist, and United Church of Christ perspectives. One evening included a discussion by a bishop from the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

Of course, I also offered presentations on each of the four gospels: Mark, Matthew, Luke and John. It was only after my retirement and residence at Eagle’s Trace that I expanded my Bible study in adult education to include all the rest of the New Testament scripture (Acts, Epistles, and Revelation) and all of the books of the Hebrew Scriptures – from Genesis through the prophets, histories and wisdom literature.

For more than thirty years, there have been very few topics on religion that I might have omitted. These events gave me pleasure and, I like to think, they yielded insights to those who participated in my classes, no matter where they were held.

And why did I do this? What really motivated my deep desire to be a teacher? My enjoyment began at a very early age. I spent many summers during my days at Lincoln Elementary, “playing school” with neighborhood kids or with cousins. Most of the time, they seemed to like doing it – otherwise, they would not have agreed to be part of my ongoing entertainment.

So, yes, being a teacher gave me pleasant reinforcements; I was accepted and respected for what I was able to do. I had no athletic ability; my artistic talent was limited (I could draw, but definitely avoided singing; piano lessons did not “take,” either!). But I could teach.

This early activity obviously led to my seeking a B.S. in Education. However, it was my experience in practice-teaching in high school chemistry and mathematics that rapidly convinced me to seek a Ph.D. and a career in which the provision of content was preferred to that of motivation to learn.

Throughout my life I have firmly believed the process of education is related to its Latin origin: educo – to lead forth. Knowledge, the ability to know, was held within the student, the learner, and was awaiting to be led forth by another person; to be released in a new insight stimulated by the teacher.

This is how I have viewed my purpose in life: to help others gain insight into what they already possess, already know. Except for brief periods during my postdoctoral years at Dartmouth and Oregon State, I was not given a teaching position as part of my academic career. Although the desire was there, I never became a university professor. Instead, my ministry in the Church has substituted for that desire to lead others in order for them to engage fully in the illumination held within them. I have tried to follow the true Teacher and become someone who leads forth the knowledge they already hold.

Diaconate – Homiletics

Why did I begin every homily with a question? Answer: I was never good at telling jokes or inspirational stories.

Fr. Bill Robertson, who taught homiletics to the deacons in my class – and was later my pastor at CGS – said the speaker had to grab the attention of his audience as quickly as possible. Most priests began with a joke, hopefully a religious one. Asking a question was one of the recommended methods for responding to this requirement of enticing the congregation at the outset of the sermon. Of course, one seldom gave a “sermon” after Vatican II. That form of address was too directive – with a focus on the beliefs of the preacher rather than upon the content of the scriptures which were to be “broken open.”

I was firmly taught, and agreed, the clergyman was to concentrate on the proclaimed Scripture and not on his own personal viewpoints relating to religion and society. I believed the best homily was the one listeners heard in their own heads and felt in their own hearts, rather than the one which came from the mouth and mind of the preacher. Over the thirty years during which I was an active homilist, I was continually amazed to hear from others that what I had thought I had focused on in my homily was not what they heard me say. I learned the direction in which I believed the Holy Spirit was leading me was, in fact, not the same as the one which the listener needed at that moment. The resulting difference often surprised me, but I did not question its validity. After all, many questions have more than one answer.

I was equally amused that those attending the liturgy at which they knew I would be the homilist, frequently inquired, while I was waiting for the entrance procession to begin, what my introductory question would be. They wanted to think about the answer before they heard anything I had to say later in the Mass. I came to realize that, in many instances, they later recalled the question, itself, more than what I had said in my homily.

Nevertheless, I did try to follow the classic outline for a homily. First, tell them what you’re going to tell them. Second: tell them. And conclude by telling them what you told them. I always attempted to circle back to the opening question in the final lines of the homily I delivered. Sometimes the introductory question had to be rephrased in order to arrive at the proper destination.

This procedure was not always an easy one to follow when I prepared what I was about to “tell” others. It began with prayer – usually at least two weeks before the weekend for which I had been scheduled as homilist. My personality would not allow for a last-minute preparation. I constantly feared the weekend might arrive before I was fully prepared. I had to be finished well ahead of any formal deadline. My motto was identical to that of the Boy Scouts of America: “be prepared.”

After I had read all of the scriptures assigned for a particular liturgy and had prayed about their content – what it meant to me and might mean to those who first heard these words two thousand years ago as well as to those who would hear them in the present – I would reflect on what I might say, not only to inform them, but also to encourage them to implement these words in their life, today. I tried to engage in the classical gift of “exhortation” – to encourage and strengthen the listener and to recognize that the Greek word for this “gift” was “parakaleo,” a word related to Paraclete, the Advocate, the Holy Spirit.

Although ideally the homily should be proclaimed without following a written script, I found I could not accomplish this task. Since it was the procedure within the parish for each homilist to participate in all five weekend Masses, I realized I would lose track of where I might be during the course of consecutive presentations, if I did not follow a written script. I recognized that for those who did not use a script, the length of what they said increased as the day progressed. Fortunately, I did learn how to follow a script without it sounding as if it were being read. I was able to mimic those old-time radio shows in which the voice of the actor could be varied depending upon the nature of the drama.

Although I was often uncertain about how my words would be received by others, I admit there were times when I was actually applauded when I finished speaking. I also admit that I had a mixed reaction to such a response. Although this recognition should have meant that they had been moved by what I had said and agreed with it, I often felt that they viewed the presentation as “entertainment” and not as a suggestion on how they might change their lives according to what the Scriptures revealed to us. However, when I indicated applause was not being sought, they often responded that their reaction was the result of the Holy Spirit, and I should not attempt to thwart it. On the other hand, I suppose I enjoyed this response in lieu of the one when individuals would come up to me after Mass and inform me how heretical my words had been or how, at the very least, they had not appreciated them within the context of the Holy Liturgy.

Nevertheless, my thirty-plus years as a homilist did prompt my own epitaph. Several years ago I had my headstone engraved with the words: “I have no more questions.” This does seem to be the way my life should conclude – at that point, the final answers will have been given; I will have no more questions.

December 7 – Vox Clamantis

[The homilies I presented at Christ the Good Shepherd are included within a separate section of “CameosAndCarousels.com. However, this one is more historical and personal than many of them. It is, therefore, included within the regular section on life in Houston. It was given on December 7, 2003.]

Vox clamantis in deserto,” a voice crying out in the wilderness. My trivia question for you today is based on this quotation from today’s gospel. My question is this: What U.S. college uses this phrase, “vox clamantis in deserto,” as the motto on its college seal?

Ok, native Texans are excluded from knowing this one. It probably takes a Yankee, maybe even a real New Englander, to get this one. The college is Dartmouth College in New Hampshire. And the reason is because Dartmouth was founded some two and a half centuries ago as a school in the wilderness for Indians, the Native American kind, not Father Sunny’s relatives. I don’t know if it’s still the case, but some forty years ago when I did my postdoctoral work at Dartmouth, Native Americans could attend the college without paying any tuition.

“Vox clamantis in deserto” – a voice crying in the wilderness. Do you ever feel that you are a voice crying in the wilderness? If you’re the parents of certain teenagers, you may feel that way. And yes, some teens may also feel that way about all of the adults around them. Or perhaps it’s at work where you feel as if you are alone in what you do. Or it may be life, itself, that is the desert, the wilderness surrounding you.

Or perhaps we all feel a bit of that wilderness, that desert, that darkness when we contemplate the world around us. These are, indeed, difficult times we live in. A time of war – war against terrorists, war in Iraq, in Afghanistan, in the Middle East. War and turmoil in other countries around the world.

Today, on December 7th, we think back to another Sunday morning some sixty-two years ago, a day of “infamy,” a day we thought could not be surpassed in horror until another day in September 2001.

Yes, whether for personal or for public reasons, all of us long for a time of certainty, a time of reunion, a time to be brought home from whatever wilderness ensnares us, from whatever exiles us

Some two and a half millennia ago the Israelites had the same longings. They listened intently to the words of encouragement spoken by the prophet Baruch: “Up, Jerusalem! Stand upon the heights; look to the east and see your children … rejoicing that they are remembered by God … [who] has commanded that every lofty mountain be made low, and that the age-old depths and gorges be filled to level ground, that Israel may advance secure in the glory of God.”

These words were spoken about the return of the Israelites from their captivity in Babylon. They may be remembered as we, today, contemplate the return of our own loved ones from the land of Babylon.

Yet, we also recall similar words spoken by another prophet, by John who baptized others in the waters of the Jordan. He, too, spoke words of encouragement: “Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight his paths. Every valley shall be filled and every mountain and hill shall be made low. The winding roads shall be made straight, and the rough ways made smooth, and all flesh shall see the salvation of God.”

John, indeed, saw the fulfilment of that prophecy. He was present when Jesus, the Anointed One of God, began his public ministry. Some who heard John thought that this Jesus, this Anointed One, this Jesus the Christ, would lead them to a final glory over all the peoples of the earth.

Yet this is not why he came; not to bring human victory over other people; but rather to bring victory to all people over their limited humanity. Jesus came to re-unite us with God. This is what both Christmas and Easter are all about.

Three weeks from now we will celebrate how God took on human flesh so that we could be saved; so that we could be re-united with God for eternity. Each Sunday we celebrate the Easter event of his death and resurrection, the Pascal Mystery, so that we can be re-united with God.

This is the season of Advent, the season of “coming.” Usually it is pointed out that Advent is a two-fold celebration of coming:
● the first coming of the birth of Jesus some 2000 years ago,
● the second coming of the return of Jesus the Christ at the end of the world as we now perceive it.

Yet advent is more than a preparation for the first and the second coming. Advent is the daily expectation of “Emmanuel,” God with us.

We are not a mere voice crying in the wilderness. We are a people, the brothers and sisters of a risen Savior, one who walks with us beyond the terrors of a December 7th or of a September 11th; beyond the wilderness of our daily life. He walks with us in our hours of sadness, in our days of conflict, when we feel deserted. He is with us even when we do not discern his presence.

The apostle Paul had a prayer for the Phillipians in which he wrote that those who are the followers of Christ might “… discern what is of value” while waiting for the coming in final glory of Jesus the Christ. Paul’s prayer is also for us – to discern during
● these waiting days of December 2003,
● these days of concern for peace in the world,
● these days of longing for the return of loved ones from all places and forms of exile,
… exile from others dictated by authority
… exile we have imposed upon our own selves, in our own self-constructed wildernesses.

Jesus walks with us in our hours of sadness, in our days of conflict, when we feel deserted. He is with us even when we do not discern his presence beside us. May today and every day be a day of Christ, a day with Christ.

Seeing a Saint

It’s not often you can see a real saint, either before or after canonization. I saw mine some thirty-five years ago, on Sunday, September 14, 1987. A few years later, the site where I saw him would become “Sea World.” At the time, it was only a very large, open space in the Westover Hills section of San Antonio. I, along with all of the other clergy in the State of Texas, had been invited to take part in the Papal Mass to be celebrated by Pope John Paul II during his visit to the United States. As a Permanent Deacon, I was to help distribute communion to the 350,000 people expected to attend the liturgy. Karen was not one of them. She, Sister Alice and our pastor, Fr. Ed, were scheduled to attend a meeting in Washington, D.C. of catechists involved in the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. One of her recollections of that event was a line from a song performed by the Saint Louis Jesuits: “Is there intermission at the Beatific Vision, or do we have to sit around and watch all day?” Somehow, that verse may be related to what I saw in the Alamo City on the same day.

Of course, the vision I beheld was not the “Beatific One,” not even a “blessed” one. John Paul II was not declared a saint until 2014, along with Pope John XXIII. Nevertheless, he was well-received by Catholics and others throughout the world during his lifetime. I saw him, at a distance, at that Mass he celebrated during his two days in Texas. However, that event almost did not take place. Three days earlier, on a Thursday, a storm with winds exceeding 75 mph, tore through the site, destroying the ten-story backdrop for the Mass. Somehow, a smaller, but still very attractive, alternative was completed before the opening procession on Sunday.

I do not recall anything about what John Paul II said during his homily. But several vivid memories about Communion are still retained. Each Deacon was vested with his own alb and white stole, mine with the insignia of Christ the Good Shepherd. We each wore a cream-colored, pentagonal medallion depicting hands enfolding a chalice and host. We carried a blue, pottery ciborium with the same design. We were allowed to keep them as mementoes of the event; mine resides on a table in our living room. Each ciborium was filled with a hundred or so unconsecrated hosts. We sat in a reserved section near the altar. During the consecration, we uncovered the bowls, as the Pope recited the usual invocation. A few minutes later, each deacon distributed Communion to the three-hundred-thousand present at the celebration. For me, this became my ultimate memory of the event, and not necessarily a pleasant one.

Each deacon had been assigned a numbered location for the distribution of the hosts. I’m not sure any of us made it to his predetermined site. As I moved toward the place to which I had been assigned, hundreds of people stretched out their hands to receive the host. There were no lines; there was no order to the distribution. On the positive side, it did seem like we were the disciples there in the wilderness, feeding the 5,000 from the seven loaves of bread blessed by Jesus, himself. The problem came with the “leftovers.”

On the hillside where the thousands had gathered two millennia ago, the remaining bread and fish filled twelve wicker baskets. Fortunately, at the time, there were no fish for us to be concerned about in San Antonio. But there were the consecrated hosts. Having completed distributing Communion to those who had come toward me, I still had at least a half-filled ciborium. Apparently, other deacons experienced the same condition.

Before the service we had been instructed about what to do with the consecrated hosts exceeding the number which could be consumed. We approached the receiving area, which held more than twelve huge wash tubs as receptacles and emptied our bowls into them. There were considerably more than twelve wicker baskets filled with them. It was my understanding that after the service, earth would be placed over the area and the consecrated hosts would be buried for eternity, or until such time as excavation occurred for the erection of Sea World on the same site. The image of those buried hosts has stayed with me for more than three decades.

I wish I had more memories about John Paul II’s visit to San Antonio, but I do not. My favorite pope is the one who was canonized with him: John XXIII. I continue to have fond memories of visiting his tomb in the crypts beneath St Peter’s Basilica. On top of his plain sarcophagus, a single red rose had been placed.

Interestingly, one of our earlier visits to Rome is also associated with John Paul II. He died on April 2, 2005, the time when we had scheduled a visit to Europe. Our flight to Rome was delayed by our missing a connection in the airport in Paris on our way from Houston. It appeared that every bishop in the world had also chosen flights from Paris to Rome to be there for the conclave to choose John Paul’s successor. Luckily, we met a young woman in the De Gaulle International Terminal who helped us make a telephone call to the Grand Circle tour company office in Rome and aided us in obtaining tickets to continue our travel. A few days later, we were in our hotel in Sorento, when the tv-newscast indicated that Josef Ratzinger, a non-Italian, had been elected pope. Both we and the local media thought this to be an extraordinary event.

I am pleased I had the opportunity to see Saint John Paul II at a distance. It’s doubtful I have been, or will be, in the presence of a declared saint. On the other hand, it is said we are all called to be saints. There is a likelihood I have already been in the presence of many undeclared saints. At least, I’d like to believe that’s the case. It would be wonderful to see saints who are still around me, everywhere I go.

We Were Robbed

If Mary Ellen had been feeling well, we would not have been robbed. Mary Ellen and Wheeler Crawford were our “across-the-street” neighbors on Grand Valley. They were from Fishkill, New York and Mary Ellen had the greatest New York accent I’ve ever heard in person. Her lectionary readings on a Sunday at Christ the Good Shepherd were a wonderment of sound. Her neighborhood shouts to Wheeler were equally amazing. Mary Ellen was also the local town-crier, knowing just about anything and everything of importance going on in our neighborhood. One of her portals for observation was the window above her kitchen sink, directly opposite to our driveway. For most of the day, she had an excellent view of our property. Except on that day in early April of 1986, when Karen and I had a telephone call from Aunt Mary summoning us to come to Ohio, immediately, since my father had taken an unexpected turn for the worst in his health.

Usually, if both of us were to be out of town, because of a planned vacation, we routinely made arrangements that included informing Mary Ellen and other friends we would be gone. We often took the precaution of notifying the local sheriff’s office so that a patrol car passing through Ponderosa would be aware of our absence. It was also common for us to set the light-timers in several rooms, giving the appearance that someone was in the house in the evening. However, the suddenness of our needing to leave town precluded this planning, as we hurriedly booked a flight to Niles.

It turned out that Aunt Mary’s assessment had proven incorrect; my father was not in any immediate danger. Karen and I returned to Houston and discovered that the window on the backdoor had been broken and the house had been ransacked.

The items we found to be missing were those which were easily transported in a pillowcase, evidently one taken from our own bed. However, I was distressed that my mother’s engagement and wedding rings were gone. I had inherited them the year before, following her death. They were probably not expensive, but they did have a very sentimental meaning. This was also true for a black, onyx ring with a silver fraternity crest I had possessed since my junior year at Kent State, as well as a gold-plated DU fraternity pin I had presented long ago to Karen. Her own, attached Alpha Chi Omega pin had also been taken. Ironically, they also made off with my father’s coin collection, which he had given me only a short time before. The collection, itself, was of average value; he liked collecting coins but had no further use for them. I, myself, had no interest in coins. Fortunately, my stamp collection, of somewhat greater value financially and emotionally, was left behind.

Karen also lost her jewelry, which, at the time, was mainly of the costume variety, rather than the real gems I was able to give to her in later years. She did lose a number of clip-on earrings. As a result, she decided to have her ears pierced. Posts and loops with true gems replaced those which had been lost. The only other item that seemed to be missing was a small, fox stole her mother had given her. Karen seldom wore it, but the sentimental loss was, nevertheless, significant.

There was, however, one pair of items which were not taken, but had been considered by the thieves. Smudged fingerprints were found on two gold-plated pyx used for carrying consecrated hosts from the church to where they would be distributed to sick people who wanted to receive communion. I have often wondered if those responsible for the break-in were actually Catholic-raised robbers, superstitiously concerned about the nature of what they took and what they left behind. We also thought they may have been teenagers living in the neighborhood. They had carried off only items easy to transport and to fence. Common electronics remained untouched. The only other “clue” came from our observation that they had consumed most of a quart of orange juice left in the refrigerator. I would guess they were young teens, not yet interested in our liquor cabinet.

In the weeks following the robbery, I did make visits to the local pawn shops, but without identifying any of the missing items. Apparently, the criminals, themselves, traveled farther from home to fence what they had taken. The police did not locate any suspects. The fingerprints recovered from the pyx evidently were not on file – indicating, to me, that the culprits were young, and probably from the neighborhood, since they knew we were away for several days.

During these days, there was the usual sense of “violation.” Some unknown persons had been in our home and had robbed us. Would it happen again? Once they had successfully accomplished taking small pieces, they could carry away in a pillowcase, would they come back for larger items?

Mary Ellen was as disturbed as we were about the robbery. Perhaps, even more so. If she had not been ill in bed during those four days, she would have been standing at her window over the kitchen sink, observing everything going on in the neighborhood and being very willing and capable of notifying the sheriff’s office of what she was seeing. I agree: if Mary Ellen had been feeling well, we would still have the jewelry, coins and a moth-eaten fox stole, one not worth being stolen.

Longwood, Cypress, Texas

We finally sold our home on Grand Valley and moved to Cypress, another suburb in northern Houston. At times, the years before our relocation had been anxious ones. We no longer enjoyed heavy storms. There had been a period when I found it exiting to sit on the hallway stairs leading to our second floor and watch the lightening as I looked through the screen door onto our porch. However, after Allison had deposited her foot of water on the tiles of that foyer, I was more anxious, than thrilled, each time there was a heavy storm. There is no entertainment in watching water creep over the front lawn and praying it will stop before it reaches the six-inch high slab making up that porch. Our prayers had been answered on several occasions; we had only one flooding during our eighteen years on Grand Valley. On the other hand, the requirement of letting potential buyers know we had been flooded, did decrease our chances of a sale. Then came two families from Chicago who wanted to live in homes close to one another. They bought two houses in Ponderosa Forest; one of them was ours.

One of our hobbies had been looking at new houses. Karen and I made “mushroom hunting” drives each weekend. Every realtor was responsible for a new batch of signs planted like fungal groups along the major streets in the Northwest. We followed their trails by looking but not taking any interest in buying. Then we happened upon the Longwood subdivision in Cypress, Texas. The homes, mainly in an acceptable price range, were located among the pine trees along Little Cypress Creek. The property at the corner of Wynfield Drive and Amsbury Lane appeared to be higher than the other lots in the neighborhood. We thought we might be safe there. We bought it and chose one of the house plans for our home in Cypress. We made weekly trips to watch it being built; I still have a video of the hours we devoted to those visits.

The community of Cypress was truly out-in-the-country. There was no country store; the main intersection for Cypress had the usual chain grocery store, drug store and gas station. There was even a stable nearby to offer a peaceful view on our drives from downtown to Longwood. Although the local parish of Christ the Redeemer was only a few minutes away, we continued to be part of the Christ the Good Shepherd community, where I remained as an active deacon. The drive time was only 45 minutes, if Louetta Road or Cypress Creek Road had no significant accidents. On a late evening, after meeting with couples preparing for marriage, I could make it in thirty.

The house, itself, was a one-floor, contemporary structure. We no longer wanted a second story, given the problems my father once had in climbing stairs at the age I was now approaching. I well recall how he sat on his stairs and made his way slowly up or down depending on where he next placed his rump. If his “lumbago” was hereditary, I wanted to be prepared.

We had as many rooms on a single floor as we had in our previous homes, albeit on a slightly smaller scale. The living and dining rooms faced south and were constantly hot. My study overlooking a good-sized backyard was comfortable at all hours. Karen now had her own prayer-room space. There was a guest bedroom in addition to our own master bedroom suite. The feature we liked best was a large family room, with built-in bookcases and a fireplace, adjoining a kitchen with a skylight. Entertainment was easy with open access between the two areas.

My interest in gardening returned. We had a pergola built over our patio that was covered with wisteria. I planted purple iris along one fence and jasmine and bougainvillea along another. A large pink magnolia bush did well near the covered patio, which was bordered by clematis and caladiums. One side of our house was framed with climbing roses; the front held gardens for crape myrtle, lantana, and day lilies. The fourth side was very close to that of our neighbors, who used one of their bedrooms as an exercise room. Unfortunately, the two pine trees we had purposely left standing in our front yard succumbed to pine-bark-beetles two years after we moved in. It was quite remarkable what small, unseen critters can do to twenty-foot trees.

I greatly enjoyed the neighborhood, itself, with its winding paths for walking and bike riding. Once again, we did not really get to know our neighbors, themselves, even with block-parties and neighborhood-night-out gatherings. Most of them appeared to be young, working couples. There were few children seen during the day. The local pool and nearby tennis courts appeared to be full of young folks when we passed by. We did not join the neighborhood golf club, but occasionally ate lunch in its grill. In order to have neighborhood friends, when you no longer have kids in school, it seems you need to join a country club. We never did.

On a few occasions we visited Tin Hall, located at the center of Longwood; it was the second oldest dancehall in Texas. The upper floor shook dramatically when weekend cowboys participated in line dancing on it. We first saw Tin Hall several years before we had moved to Longwood. One of my favorite memories was a result of our CGS community holding parties there. It was amazing to see and hear Fr. Ed bellowing out Cotton-eyed Joe! When we lived in the area, the music from Tin Hall was never heard at our residence on Wynfield. However, their fireworks display on July Fourth was worth watching, even at our distance.

I could have been very happy, I believe, continuing to reside in Longwood for the remainder of our lives in the Houston area. I formally retired when we lived there and looked forward to relaxing in the backyard, even if I had to do the digging for new plants and cutting the ever-growing grass that did so well with annual fertilizing each spring and fall. This life concluded some seven years after it had begun, when I requested an information booklet about a place called Eagle’s Trace.

Bad Habits

If eating cookies and desiring a slice of pecan pie can be overlooked as bad habits, I have had only one: cigarette smoking. I never cared that much for alcohol; excess drinking was never among my addictions. My maternal grandmother consumed more than she should have. Consequently, my mother never drank alcohol. My father seldom had a beer, but on occasion would drink a small amount of wine or whiskey. In college, for social acceptability, I learned how to nurse a beer or a Scotch-and-soda for extended periods. Later, private or professional cocktail parties were to be endured, not enjoyed. During my younger days, drugs were not readily available; I had no interest in trying them, when they did become culturally acceptable. My only exposure to marijuana came in the form of unavoidable inhalation while rushing through the entrance tunnel to the Student Union at UMass.

Although a majority of my male friends in high school had the Fonzy-look with a cigarette package rolled up in the sleeve of a white T-shirt, I waited until I was a freshman in college before I took on that appearance. Cigarettes with coffee (double cream, double sugar) became a way of daily life at Kent. At Cornell, the cream was eliminated, thanks to those damn tetra-packs, but the rest of the habit remained. In fact, it increased over the years, despite an increment in cost. A twenty-five-cent pack of Pall-Malls no longer existed. Some forty years later, a twenty-dollar bill was needed for a carton of filtered, Benson & Hedges cigarettes that were a silly millimeter longer. At a current average rate of $8.00 per pack, a single cigarette demands a price higher than I once paid for a pack of twenty!

For more than forty years, I had retained, despite the intense nagging of our kids, this destructive habit. Fortunately, I did not enjoy cigars and their odor. During college, I had attempted to smoke a pipe, but could seldom keep one going for more than a few minutes. On the other hand, I knew all of the scientific reasons for quitting cigarettes. Yet, I smoked even when my professional work on cytochrome c oxidase indicated I had to desist on those days when I was involved with laboratory experiments on oxygen metabolism.

I did reduce the sites for indulging in the habit. Once we had moved to Longwood, I never smoked inside of the house. I no longer smoked in the car. At work, I did not smoke inside Baylor; I would carry a cup of coffee with me as I retreated to an outside patio, and later, to a bench farther from the building.

I had also devised a scheme for fake-smoking, since I had to do something with my hands while engaged in otherwise boring, routine actions. By rolling up a small piece of notepaper, I could construct a tube for handling and sucking, when one filled with tobacco was not possible for use. It worked, except when a joking friend would attempt to light my non-burning cigarette. My three-pack-a-day habit was greatly reduced by this subterfuge.

At points during the previous three years, I had been able to go for a couple of days without inhaling tobacco smoke. My ersatz paper tubes had provided sufficient finger movements. I also had taken up origami during boring meetings. A table area in front of me often became the nesting grounds for a variety of birds, which I would offer to other participants at the closure of the session.

With the beginning of the third millennium, it seemed that something special should be done, personally, to commemorate the year. Furthermore, as my great-grandchildren began to expand in numbers, I thought I might like to live long enough to see them grow older. These conditions might provide additional reasons for not buying another pack of cigarettes. However, my resolve did not materialize. I continued to smoke, usually outdoors, and only thought about quitting.

On Good Friday of the year 2000 I ran out of cigarettes. I thought it might be penitential for me to go without smoking for the rest of the day. On Saturday, I thought I might resist smoking for another twenty-four hours. A similar resolve occurred on Easter Sunday. By Monday, I realized there might not be any reason for me to start again, at least for a while. I have not had a cigarette since then.

Strangely, I continued, on occasion, to dream I restarted the habit I had maintained for more than forty years. Within each dream, I became extremely annoyed and angry with myself for returning to that habit. This addiction has remained within me for the last twenty-plus years, but I have not yielded to it. Perhaps it’s good that a package of cookies is half the cost of a pack of cigarettes.

Retirement

Is retirement an event or a process? Some men don’t really want to retire and avoid doing so at any cost. Perhaps, they fear they are only what they “do” and there is no reality in who they “are,” who they “might be.” My high school friend, Bob Wick, once told me he could never retire. He enjoyed his life as an artist; he had more than only “work” as an artist. So maybe it’s true, an artist cannot retire; the practice of art is their life, not their work. Perhaps, this is also the case with others who completely integrate their life, what they do, what they accomplish, with who they are. This was not the case for me.

I sought integration, unity within my own life, but did not find it during my working career. I was pleased when I retired from my daily interactions at Baylor College of Medicine in June 1999. No doubt there were days when I enjoyed my work, what I was doing, the interactions I had with others. There might have been days when I thought I must have accomplished something. However, some twenty years later, I have difficulty in considering what they might be. Nevertheless, I still remember the immediate events associated with my leaving Baylor Med.

My retirement process began a year before I physically left the College. It began when Bobby Alford, the Academic Dean of Medicine and my immediate supervisor, informed me that my contract for the following academic year would not be renewed, according to instructions he had received from Ralph Feigin, the new BCM President.

I was 63 at the time; my original plan assumed I’d retire at age 65. Did it really matter that my retirement would be a year earlier than I had planned? The amount in my TIAA-CREF retirement fund, at the time, indicated I could retire at any time I wanted. As it turned out, the 2000 – 2002 “Recession” eliminated 50% of those funds, but the figures in 1998-99 were comforting enough for me to begin the process.

I was enjoying our new home in Longwood. I looked forward to gardening and outdoor efforts with new plants. Grass cutting would be less welcomed, but it could be the time to hire help for this recurring task. I knew I would be well occupied with the enjoyable events I had undertaken as a Permanent Deacon at Christ the Good Shepherd. Perhaps, I could now realize the integration in my life that I had sought for so many years. Leaving Baylor Med would be welcomed.

The actual events, however, were somewhat of a surprise to me. In 1999, I would have been with the College for twenty-two years. I knew many faculty and staff members. It was frequently the case that a retirement party, usually given by one’s department or office, would be held in honor of the departing member. The secretaries and financial assistant in Alford’s office did gather for punch and pastry. They presented me with a photocopied selection of recipes under the title: Bubba Camerino’s Gumbo. They knew I enjoyed fixing gumbo and would make good use of their effort. I have.

At the time, I had two weeks of vacation time “owed” to me. In late June 1999, on my last day with Baylor College of Medicine, I packed up my personal belongings and left for a vacation trip with Karen to the University of Notre Dame, for two weeks of classes on spiritual direction. Looking at it one way, I never “retired” from the College, I merely went on vacation and never returned.

Eagle’s Trace – Pioneer Days

I enjoyed living at Longwood in Cypress, Texas. It was a true replacement for my home in Amherst. Ponderosa Forest in Spring had merely been a place to live while working in Houston. We had planned on living in Texas for five to seven years, the usual maximum length of time for us to reside anyplace, during the previous twenty years. When we arrived in Houston in 1977, I was sure we would move back to New England and to another college town. Our kids decided otherwise. They had grown up and married. Their wives, Tracey and Kelly, had deep ties with Houston making it unlikely, I thought, that our sons, Ken or Chris, would choose to go somewhere else to live.

Then grandchildren came along. Since our own kids had never resided near their own grandparents, we thought we should remain in Texas. Baylor Med paid me well. Although I continued to respond to selected announcements in the employment section of the Chronicle of Higher Education, I realized movement to another academic location was not likely.

My life in Longwood was peaceful. The backyard with its newly covered patio and accompanying landscaping was an excellent place for a smoke and a cup of coffee, especially a cappuccino. Following one of our several vacations in Italy, Karen had encouraged the purchase of a machine which, at first, we routinely used for late afternoon relaxation. Until I gave up smoking. Apparently, I also gave up cappuccinos unless we were in a foreign country.

I did not mind the forty-five to sixty-minute drive to Christ the Good Shepherd, where I continued my diaconal ministry. Karen was content to drive for the same amount of time to her own ministry at the Cenacle, on the westside of Houston. We were a bit closer to Deb who now resided in San Antonio and a bit farther from those remaining in the Tomball-Woodlands areas. Retirement life in Cypress was filled with contentment. But I was curious.

I had seen an advertisement for a new retirement community in west-Houston, not too far from the Cenacle on Kirkwood. I requested that Erickson, the company backing the development, send me a brochure. I had no intention to look for a retirement community, even though, on our routine drive to CGS, we drove past Gleannloch Farms, which was in the process of building one. At the time, the concept of a self-contained retirement community was unusual for Houston.

The Erickson booklet I received looked interesting enough that I thought Karen might enjoy seeing it. We scheduled a visit to their trailer on Texas Highway 6 that served as a sales office for a development called Eagle’s Trace. Having seen it, Karen said this was where we were going to move. I had no reason not to agree.

At the time, I had no idea she was very willing to stop daily meal planning and preparation. (At Eagle’s Trace, an evening meal would be included in a monthly service-fee.) Although I continued to enjoy gardening, I agreed I liked to view the results more than to perform the daily-required upkeep, itself. A retirement community would accommodate our newly expressed desires. We continued to explore the possibility.

We visited locations on Louetta Road and Cypresswood Road in northwest Houston, an area with which we were very familiar. Although Gleannloch Farms looked interesting, it would be a couple of years before it would be opened. The Cypresswood community consisted of limited apartment-space, except for two adjacent cottages. In comparison, Eagle’s Trace would be more readily available and have facilities which might be of interest to us.

There would be on-site medical care with several internal medicine physicians and other specialists, e.g., cardiology, audiology, optometry, and dentistry. An extended care facility would open two years later. The main building would have a bank, grocery store, and library as well as a swimming pool and physical fitness equipment. Although nothing had been constructed, the floor plans looked promising.

We made a deposit to become “priority members” and chose a two-bedroom plan we thought would be acceptable. Unfortunately, other people thought the same thing, and we needed to wait until the second building would be completed. However, shortly afterwards, we were offered another plan which included a den, thereby expanding the available space. Although it would be more expensive than any other home we had ever owned, we decided this is what we wanted.

We put our Longwood property on the market and sold it six months before Eagle’s Trace was scheduled to open. With no other place to live, we rented a first-floor, three-bedroom unit at Stoneleigh Apartments on Spring-Cypress Road. One bedroom became a storage room for unpacked boxes awaiting our final move to Eagle’s Trace. A pathway was left for maneuvering among the containers mounted all the way to the ceiling. Some of our furniture and larger belongings, which could not be crammed into our apartment at Stoneleigh, were placed in a storage building on Spring-Cypress. CGS was only fifteen minutes away from our new, albeit temporary, home.

This was our first experience, since our days at Dartmouth, in which we lived in an apartment. It was interesting getting reacquainted with the lifestyle. We were pleased our unit at Eagle’s Trace would be on the top floor, rather than below residents who must be dropping exercise weights in the middle of every night, as they seemed to be doing at Stoneleigh.

We lived in this cramped location for five months. Eagle’s Trace became available a month earlier than we had thought would be the case. Unlike other residents who would “downsize” on their move to Eagle’s Trace, we actually would expand our immediate space!

Meanwhile, we had made trips to our new home-site, as often as we could, and eagerly awaited seeing the actual building. We were in luck; two weeks before we were scheduled to arrive, friends had moved into the same model we had chosen. Karen was able to measure their rooms and plan where our furniture would be placed in ours. She did an extremely accurate job; only one bookcase needed to be relocated after our actual move-in.

Our original day for scheduling a moving van was November 16, 2004, a date which would accommodate the use of the elevator needed to transfer our belongings to the fourth floor of the building designated as Pecan Grove. Late in the afternoon of our move-in, a major storm arrived. Our movers had to stop their activities. That night, we slept on mattresses on the floor. The ET director made a special visit with his flashlight to check on our comfort, which was minimal but acceptable. I used the stairs to obtain something to eat for our first dinner in our new home.

It was fun to be pioneers. The shelves in the closets and their final painting occurred the day before we moved, the day we saw our apartment for the first time. We also saw that the ceilings in both bathrooms had been painted to match the color of the walls; management claimed this was the current style. When we entered our pink bathroom, it felt as if we were entering someone’s mouth. Maintenance used white paint to re-cover the ceiling there and in the green bathroom as well.

The storage cages for our floor were unfinished. After several days of “extras” being stacked in our living room, we rented an off-site storage space. Although we had previously discarded a lot of our kitchen equipment and other, small, once-needed items, we quickly learned we should make another trip to the local Good Will depository. These were our only move-in problems.

The only other problem I had was trying to remember, without the aid of signage, how to get from the main building to our apartment. I finally looked for the hallway with the glass windows connecting the buildings. I was significantly lost only once.

It did not take long to begin the joys of living in a retirement community. In fact, in the months (and years) which followed, our usual description to inquiring friends was that living at Eagle’s Trace was like living on a cruise ship, but one with much larger cabins.

Eagle’s Trace – Retirement Living

Before moving from a four-bedroom house to a two-bedroom (with “den”) apartment, we knew there would be changes in our lifestyle. The most common one is related to “downsizing.” Modern businesses, when they reorganize their corporate structures, often refer to the process as “right-sizing.” This reinterpretation is relevant, as well, for living in a retirement community.

Karen and I knew we must give up/eliminate/throw-out large (and small) items we would never need in the foreseeable future. Furniture, of course, requires the largest modification. One of our three “extra” bedrooms at Longwood had already been converted into a study for me. Although a second bedroom had been set aside, in part, for accommodating guests, there would now be no reason to keep any bedroom furniture for use by guests. (They would have access to a guest suite at ET or could stay in a nearby motel.) In addition to beds and dressers, there were the usual living room and family room stuff. Who needs a six-foot, colonial style couch in an apartment? Along with end-tables, sideboards and other cabinets?

We made a compromise for the dining room. The table and chairs were eliminated, the hutch would be kept, but the once sacred, wedding dishes, stored within, would now be used for daily meals – mainly breakfast and lunch, since we would eat dinner in the Garden Room, the common dining room at Eagle’s Trace. Our children and older grandchildren were given the option of taking our used furniture, as we had once experienced with our own parents when we established our first homes in Ithaca and Hanover. What they didn’t want (which was much of what we had to offer!), was given to charitable agencies. At the same time, we would no longer function as the storage place for items they had left under our care until they, themselves, had “larger” houses for their own self-storage. Now was the time to take it or forget about it!

The major hardship we had concerning downsizing was our book collections. All of mine had to fit into the two bookcases assigned for my study. (No longer would there be a wall of built-in bookshelves.) Karen’s collection would be relegated to a single bookcase in her study, the den which adjoined our new family-living room through its arched doorway. My study, which tended to be more jumbled, would use the space originally allocated for a second bedroom, since this room had a door that could be closed to hide that jumble.

Karen donated a bookcase, with spirituality-related books, to the Cenacle. My theological books and others relating to my diaconate work were packed off to the Library at St. Mary’s Seminary. Our most interesting donation was a complete set of the Encyclopedia Britannica given to the new, local Harris County Community College. The librarian was pleased to receive it and offered the assistance of a young student to help me carry the boxes from my car into the building. The amusing part was that the student had never seen a printed set of encyclopedia books; he was truly amazed that such a non-Internet publication existed!

Of course, over the first months in our Eagle’s Trace apartment, we did need to buy a few, smaller, items to replace what had been downside. A cabinet for the TV. Another one for my computer and its accessories. A small table and two chairs for the eat-in-kitchen. Two recliners and a very small leather couch for the family-living-dining-room. Although we retained pieces of our heavy New England furniture, the new, contemporary additions mixed well with the established items purchased more than fifty years!

Living a retirement lifestyle was more than accommodating the furniture. As we downside our material possessions, we up-sized new activities available at Eagle’s Trace. The retirement-living principle at ET was to join an existing interest-group or create one you wanted to join! Ultimately, more than ninety different interest-groups were established by our residents. Our individual focuses began to shift from our religious communities at the Cenacle, Christ the Good Shepherd and St. John Vianney to those within our retirement community.

Karen became active in a choir-singing-group and various prayer-spirituality-groups. I joined a book-club and even used the physical-fitness center to counterbalance a sedentary life. She joined the walking club. Karen also organized days-of-prayer and related mini-retreats for women as well as other efforts associated with neighbor-to-neighbor communication. I began to facilitate an interfaith bible-study as well as presentations for adult religious education, under the title of The Catholic Project. Ultimately, we joined Legacy in Words, a memoire group which led to the production of this blog, CamerosAndCarousels.com.

The only area we purposely avoided was any long-term involvement in committees associated with the “governance” of Eagle’s Trace, although we did accept a short-time assignment to the Residents’ Life Committee, which had oversight for the counseling efforts we enjoyed. Karen agreed to serve on the Election Committee for the Residents’ Advisory Council, which offered suggests to the management team of our Retirement Community. I even got conned into serving on the Civility Committee for the RAC.

The concept of the need for a committee charged with making suggestions for “civility” in a retirement community is, perhaps, a strange one. However, many elderly folks, who were used to owning their private homes on private property, did not recognize the differences which may result from hundreds of people living under the same roof. It had been decades since we had resided in a dormitory with its individual and communal spaces. We had forgotten that noise might be transferred through ceilings and walls, that someone might dispose of trash in unexpected places, that a borrowed cart used to transport purchases from the car to the apartment should be returned to a common site and not left in hallways or elevators. Yes, living in an enclosed community, even with independent living, does demand a level of basic civility, if arguments and estrangements are to be minimized.

Karen and I learned that those who reside within Eagle’s Trace may do so like a hermit, who lives in solitary confinement, or like cenobitic monks, those living in community, who gather as needed for meals, prayer and work. Retirement living should not be the same as survival of the fittest!

Retirement Living – Pros & Cons

On October 10, 2022, Eagle’s Trace celebrated its Seventeenth Anniversary. This event has led me to think about the pros and cons of our decision, in 2004, to move to this retirement community, scheduled to open the following year. When I first heard about this new form of housing, new, at least, to Houston, I never thought we’d actually become involved. Having seen an advertisement in the local newspaper, I sent off for the brochure being offered. It looked interesting enough for Karen and me to attend a presentation in a prefabricated building about an hour’s drive from Longwood, the community where we had been happily living for seven years.

Longwood, with its pine forest and bike-paths, was a new development in Cypress Texas, a rural town north of Houston. Elsewhere, I’ve described the physical nature of our Longwood home, a place which, I thought, would be our location for all of my retirement years. We were living a life I had once merely dreamed about. Nevertheless, I was curious about the concept offered by Eagle’s Trace, a community of individual apartments with amenities that included two dining rooms, a swimming pool and exercise room, a computer room, a library, a beauty salon, a bank, a community store and an on-site medical facility with two doctors and other specialists, along with a dentist. There would even be a new building for extended care as well as one for a spirituality center.

Having attended the presentation, Karen announced to me, much to my surprise, that this is where we would be moving! She looked forward to not needing to prepare dinner each evening, but to eat out, depending upon a menu which offered a variety of steaks and poultry. Occasional lobster was also featured. She maintained, correctly, I would enjoy the results of great landscaping, without the effort of maintaining it.

Having downsized our possessions by giving them to our children and several charities, we moved into our never-seen-before apartment, two weeks after Eagle’s Trace opened for business. For the last seventeen years, we have never regretted our decision to move to a place we continue to maintain seems like living on a cruise ship with much larger cabins.

The advantages of the amenities offered were realized, along with several we had not foreseen. The security of the complex allowed us to continue taking foreign travel without having to be concerned about what might happen to our home during our absence. The delay in erecting a long-term care facility did not impact us, since we had not moved to ET with our terminal years in mind, but rather an active place for living as senior citizens. We would have preferred that the onsite dentist and audiologist had remained, but we were able to retain all of the off-site health specialists we had used previously. A formal religious or spiritual center was never constructed, but our continued participation with our home parish and the nearby Cenacle House, as well as our new involvements with prayer and adult religious education within our new community were fulfilling compensations. The advantages we had anticipated, now, in reality, delighted us. However, the passage of time has brought about a few disadvantages I had not envisioned when we first entered our years of retirement living.

It’s possible that one significant change would have occurred even without the physical move from a large house to a compact apartment. Nevertheless, I associate the resulting modification more with size than with time, itself.

We no longer gather together as a nuclear family as we did in the early days of our marriage. Previously, Christmas was celebrated as a joyful, daylong event in our own house, filled with relatives: our three children, their spouses, their children and, occasionally, other members of the extended family. We quickly learned our limited-in-size apartment would not accommodate such holidays as Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. It was now time for us to travel to their homes for such gatherings, rather than for them to visit us.

For a while we were able to substitute with events held at a series of favorite places. We sponsored gatherings at a Chinese restaurant we had discovered many years ago. Nearby Brookwood, with its unusual meal setting and shops, offered an annual place for entertainment. Sunday gatherings were now held at Logan’s Roadhouse, where the grandkids, as well as their parents, could throw all of their peanut shells on the floor, an action frowned upon in the Garden Room Restaurant, an alternative afforded at Eagle’s Trace. Birthdays were now celebrated where our children lived, not where we lived. Perhaps, there was an advantage in not needing to prepare for a party and to clean up afterwards, but the change does appear to be a significant one when it comes to memories.

In the earliest years of our marriage, I fondly (and not-so-fondly) recall the trips Karen and I made for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and summer vacations to both Niles and Sandusky, Ohio, from upstate New York and New England. Finally, with our move to Texas, those visits were reduced. Rarely did our parents visit us. So, it should not be surprising to me the time has come when a transfer of venues would become prevalent.

With the growth of the families of our grandchildren with their own offspring, the rate of change has increased. Birthdays are now celebrated in their homes with their friends as well as with the relatives who can make it. Housewarmings and Oktoberfests are held in new neighborhoods for new generations. Along with the retirement living of its elders, there is a continuing need for the daily living of every generation wanting to enjoy and celebrate life, itself. Life changes: life stays the same.

Eagle’s Trace – In Sickness and in Health

Some elderly folks believe the most important advantage of living in any retirement community is the health care opportunity provided during those years when sickness may be more prevalent than health. Although Karen and I agree it is very comforting to have medical facilities readily available, we have not seen this to be an essential requirement. I do admit, however, that as much as I enjoy living in a small town, or even in a country setting, I would not move to a location where one must travel for hours to reach either a physician or a hospital. I fully appreciate having two physicians physically present at Eagle’s Trace, during an eight-hour workday, and available 24-7 for on-call emergencies. I have enjoyed taking only an elevator to the location where blood can be drawn for laboratory testing, if one can really enjoy such an activity!

When early residents moved into Eagle’s Trace, we were assured that an extended care facility would be constructed within a year or two. The unit, to be called the Renaissance Center, would provide assisted living, memory care, and rehabilitation. When there was a delay in the construction, many residents were irate with the “broken commitments” made by the Erickson enterprise. Karen and I were not among this group; we had not moved to a retirement community for its long-term health facilities. We were interested in an active retirement.

Construction of Bayou Vista, the renamed Renaissance Center, began in January 2012, some eight years after we moved into ET. The recession of 2008 – 2009, as well as a period when Erickson suffered the threat of bankruptcy, resulted in the delay. Fortunately, Karen and I did not require the facility, except for her use of rehabilitation procedures that, at the time, could be found on the first floor of our main building.

Karen liked the medical assistance routinely provided by Dr. Reina Patel, the first M.D. at Eagle’s Trace. I had Dr. Holden, who had been the medical director before he returned to academic medicine. Dr. Brian Tremaine has been an excellent replacement as my general medicine practitioner. On the other hand, the specialists, who were proposed to have an on-site presence, did not materialize. I have remained, however, with the former ET audiologist when she left us. Karen and I went through a series of dentists until we found a nearby practice. For several years, we continued to visit our Baylor ophthalmologists and dermatologists at the Texas Medical Center, where we have been treated since the days I worked at BCM, before transferring to ones who have offices closer to ET.

Over the last fifteen years, as our own health has been modified, we have added a few more specialists in disciplines relevant to our needs. A neurologist became one of my annual reviewers as a result of global transient amnesia. I experienced a GTA episode during a one-hour incident, the details of which my memory does not hold – except for remembering I kept asking Karen what had happened during the lecture we were giving to an ET class at the time it occurred. Several days at a local Memorial Hospital, along with magnetic resonance scans and parallel examinations, did not reveal the cause of the problem, which is the usual case with GTA. A year later I had to excuse myself from a meeting with a couple I had been preparing for marriage. As a result of this second GTA episode, I could not remember how I had managed to drive home from CGS. Nevertheless, once a year, I continue to see Dr. Diaz, who has assured me that motor-skills and other learned behavior continue to function during the episode, although the memory of the associated events does not.

Karen’s new specialists are involved with orthopedic surgery. Several years ago, she had both knee joints replaced, one-at-a-time. After laboring through an encounter with the walls surrounding Dubrovnik, Croatia, she decided the time had arrived for new knees. The results were fantastic. Once more, it was pleasant to use the elevator to commute to rehabilitation sessions, even if the bends and stretches experienced there were not pleasant for her.

At this time, we learned how quickly the ET first respondents actually responded. Karen had been given a brace for her knee, to be used during the initial post-operation week. She had removed it in the bathroom. Her weakened leg collapsed and so did she. I was at CGS at the time and, thus, not available to help her. Fortunately, the bathroom has a pull-cord for emergencies reported to the front desk at Eagle’s Trace. When she did not answer the immediately ringing telephone, two respondents arrived within five minutes of her cord-pulled-notification that they were needed. There are great advantages living in a retirement community equipped for the unique needs of its residents.

Having had a successful surgery on her knees, a few years later, Karen was willing to have the ball and socket of her right shoulder replaced. Meanwhile, her orthopedic surgeon had returned to Tennessee. His replacement was not as fine a surgeon. Since the pain and degree of motion for the treated shoulder became worse following the replacement, she decided to forgo any action on the other one. Having recently found another specialist, she has obtained some comfort from cortisone treatments. Final consideration for the second shoulder remains pending.

Recently, during our seventeenth year at ET, she has had her right hip replaced. She is becoming a bionic woman, at least of her right side. Although she expected an easy recovery, since hip-replacements are supposed to be easier than either knee or shoulder renewals, her body is now that of an octogenarian, one that required ten days in rehab-care at Bayou Vista before returning to our apartment. On the other hand, I finally learned how to use our dishwasher and washing machine while she was recuperating.

The only other surgery during our retirement years has been for the removal of cataracts from my own eyes, again one-at-a-time. Another Baylor specialist removed them with the result that I saw the color blue as it was meant to be seen, a magnificent color devoid of the greyness it once possessed. The artificial lenses have allowed me to dispense with the eyeglasses I have worn since I was in the first grade. A year later, I noticed some distortion in my long distance vison while driving, but I continue to be thrilled by what is so actually visible across a once beclouded room.

Our personal problems with sickness and any diminished health have been minimal here at Eagle’s Trace. We recognize this is not the case for our friends. A significant difference in living in a retirement community from that of a usual neighborhood, results from the demographics accompanying the two locations. We have experienced an increase in the frequency of deaths, especially since those who moved here at the same as we did are “aging in place.” We are among them. However, there is probably no better place in which to age in place than here at Eagle’s Trace. Here it is very comforting to live in sickness and in heath, until death do us part.

Hurricanes

Usually, the residents of the Gulf Coast are the ones who worry about hurricanes. After all, the most destructive one ever recorded for the United States was the unnamed storm that wiped out Galveston on September 9, 1909. It has been reported that about 8,000 people died as a result of that tragic event.

However, even New England is not immune to hurricanes along its shores as well as in the Connecticut Valley, itself. The local history of Amherst, Massachusetts, recalls the devastation roaring through the Pioneer Valley on September 12, 1938. Although the death toll was less than 10% of the count associated with the turn-of-the-century storm in Galveston, the overall destruction was significant enough for the town to name its high school athletic team: The Hurricanes. The overall results of the current storm, Henri, striking New England’s coastline may be less significant but the residents of its inland towns have, nevertheless, been inundated by the usual accompanying floods.

Karen and I have had sufficient exposure to floods from tropical storms to understand the physical and psychological damage hurricanes, the cyclones of the Atlantic Ocean, can cause.

Our introduction came in late June of 1989, ten years after we had moved to what our property deed called “a hundred-year flood plain.” In the long run, it was fortunate that these conditions had been officially stated; we were obligated to carry flood insurance. Our policy covered the amount needed to repair the damaged floors and walls and replace the water-soaked furniture of our Spanish-colonial home.

Following that 1989 event, we are among those Houstonians who are psychologically troubled whenever the rainfall exceeds several inches per hour. It is deeply stressful to watch the water line creep toward your house. When we finally were able to sell our home on Grand Valley Drive in Spring, Texas, and buy one in Cypress, we made sure our new property was among the highest in the neighborhood. Fortunately during the years we lived there, passing storms avoided us, flooding only the community golf course.

It was in 2005, as we neared the completion of our life in Cypress and prepared to move to Eagle’s Trace, that we expanded our tropical storm experience to one for a true hurricane. At the end of August, Katrina arrived in Louisiana and a significant percentage of New Orleans residents suddenly appeared in Houston. Many transferred from the Astrodome to homes in other parts of the city and became permanent members of the Houston community. At the time, having sold our property in Cypress, we were living temporarily in an apartment complex in northwest Houston, awaiting the opening of Eagle’s Trace in November.

Our plans called for us to drive, in early September, to Dallas where I was to officiate at the wedding of the daughter of close friends who, previously, had resided in Houston. Following the wedding, we were to drive to Grand Coteau in southern Louisiana for our annual Ignatian retreat at the Jesuit Center there. Our plans were radically changed by Rita, a hurricane headed toward our part of the gulf coast in mid-September.

We left our apartment in northwest Houston early on Thursday morning so that we would be in Dallas for the rehearsal scheduled for the following day. After six hours of so-called driving, we arrived in The Woodlands – a trip which usually took a maximum of twenty minutes. Karen and I spent a total of fourteen hours in our journey from northwest Houston to Dallas. As we idled along, we had several interesting conversations with newly found friends in the cars in the adjoining lanes of Interstate 45. Fortunately, there were compassionate Texans who walked along-side of the traffic and offered us free bottles of water. Our Dallas friends were overjoyed that we arrived in time for the rehearsal on Friday and for the Saturday wedding I was to witness. Only one other couple from Houston accomplished the journey, the soloist for the wedding, along with her husband.

We never did make the trip to Grand Coteau, Louisiana. However, when we called to cancel the plans for our retreat there, the Jesuits were pleased, since the Center was now filled with religious refugees from New Orleans and the surrounding area. The saddest result, however, was that this cancellation ended our twenty-five consecutive years of annual retreats at this Jesuit Retreat Center.

As residents of Eagle’s Trace, we have also experienced the passage of hurricane Ike (September 1, 2008) and hurricane Harvey (August 27, 2018.) In both instances, the management of our retirement community, as well as its residents, have been of magnificent benefit to us. The staff worked to provide for our well-being, even if the meals had to be unhealed. Flood waters rose in surrounding neighborhoods, but our grounds remained unencumbered. As a result of Harvey, the number of our future residents increased; former neighborhood residents purchased apartments here, because they chose not to live any longer in their flood-prone homes.

The US Corp. of Army Engineers is now relocating its headquarters to a site opposite to the entrance for Eagle’s Trace. Because of multiple political reasons, it may not be possible to erect an “Ike Dike” in Galveston Bay, although discussions continue about its construction. Nevertheless, given the merit of our staff and cooperation of our residents, our own community should be able to continue to endure future gulf-coast storms, no matter what they are called.

In the Time of COVID-19

Boccaccio wrote Decameron, with its ten-days-worth of tales told by seven young ladies and three young men who had isolated themselves in a villa outside Florence in order to escape the ravages of the Black Death of 1348. That epidemic of the 14th century has been replaced, in the 21st century, by one brought about by a novel coronavirus, designed COVID-19, since it was first encountered in China in the last months of 2019. So far, it has infected some half-million people worldwide.

The US has about one hundred thousand known cases of COVID-19, with some two thousand in Texas. As of March 28, 2020, there have been only twenty-six reported deaths in the state due to a virus pictured as a pink pincushion.

While many have endured hardships, sufferings and deaths, Karen and I, as well as the other nine hundred residents of Eagle’s Trace, have had mere inconveniences. We elders may not have a self-induced quarantine like those Florentine youths, but our “shelter-in-place” has helped to keep us safe and well. Although our tales are not as risqué as those of Boccaccio’s time, they might be jotted down for those who read these notes in a future year, assuming this nation and its citizens will have a future year. Some see the beginning of the apocalypse or at least a huge dystopia ahead of us.

Daily accounts in social media and television newscasts have documented, ad nauseam, the political and economic results of this epidemic. For some strange coincidence, governmental announcements seem to be made at 11:30 a.m., CDT, when Karen would prefer to watch Jeopardy, the gameshow, not the reality-show. Many people are undergoing their own personal jeopardy, with their rapidly falling (crashing) markets. Fortunately, for me, personally, my portfolio has dropped a mere 18%, since the beginning of the month.

About three weeks ago, when all of this began with earnest here in Houston, I might have been more concerned and anxious than I am today. It was on a Tuesday. I had gone to the dentist to have a small cavity filled. With a numbed mouth, I somehow had bitten my lip very badly during the following hours and so, on Wednesday, March 11, I called my dentist to learn if there was anything I could do to help the healing process. There wasn’t, but his office did say they had been intending to call all their patients seen the previous day. Evidently, one of them had notified my dentist that he, the patient, might have the coronavirus and was awaiting a final, determining test. The dental office would be closing that day for an indefinite period and would send me an email if a follow-up were needed! (They never did.)

Yes, I was “concerned” by the information given to me, but I was in the usual state of denial. I reasoned that my dentist, like other professionals, had adequate sterilization procedures in place for his instruments and, moreover, it was not probable that I had been exposed to any aerosol viruses left by a presumed, but unconfirmed, victim. Nevertheless, I’ve been taking my temperature three-times-a-day. It has remained below 98.5o every day for three weeks! I have passed any isolation period usually associated with exposure to this new coronavirus.

I, like all of our friends, have been complying with the recently established ground rules for “social distancing.” Eagle’s Trace has made this easy to practice. All clubs and gatherings have been eliminated for the known future. I cancelled my own Catholic Project classes scheduled to begin at the end of the month. Karen and I no longer attend our group for Legacy in Words. Her choir does not meet, much to the extreme regret of its director. We are not confined to our apartments, but when we pass others in the halls, living room, or lobby, no one touches. Hugs, of course, are taboo. If two people stand less than four or five feet apart, others wonder about their positions.

Meals are no longer available in the dining rooms or café. Food for three-meals-a-day is delivered to our door every third day. Actually, the limited menu from which we choose our entrees has been rather good in quality and outstanding in quantity. (The only exception has been for lima beans. Neither of us like them; our sink disposal also did not like them. The maintenance man with his plunger worked wonders.) With the abundance of included deserts and snacks, my intentions for Lent have vanished along with the munchables.

Actually, Lent has been a very strange season this year. Archbishop DiNardo has cancelled all masses during the week and on Sundays, until further notice, in accord with suggestions made by federal health agencies. Friday fish-fries, along with all other gatherings relating to any religious organization, have been suspended. While a virtual mass streamed from a local parish may be spiritually uplifting, the sacramental presence is not available. It’s probably true that some folks might miss the real presence of the fried fish more than they do the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. On the other hand, I did find the unique “urbi et orbi” blessing of Pope Francis, being streamed live from the Vatican (noon, local time!), to be a comforting spiritual experience. It was also very moving to see him standing alone, under a large canopy, facing a completely empty St Peter’s Square. The rains were not what kept the people away; the immediate cause was the fact that Italy has a higher death rate from COVID-19 (more than 10%) than any other nation.

Fortunately, the weather in Houston has made our isolation more bearable. Although it is still March, the daily temperatures have been in the 80’s! With brisk breezes and low humidity, I have enjoyed the hours I’ve sat outside in a comfortable chair and been able to view the ripples on the lake in the center of our campus. This is the only time I have taken to be outdoors. I’m pleased there has been this opportunity.

Normally, Karen and I ventured out at least once a week for a meal in a nearby restaurant. By local order, they have all been closed for meals consumed on site. However, some have stayed open for carry-out or delivery service. Fortunately, Babbins, where grandson Dillon works, remains open; on the other hand, his brother, Thomas, no longer has employment as a bartender. With our at-door food delivery, and lack of alcohol consumption, we’ve had no need for any external service, although I do miss pizza, hot-and-sour soup and gumbo.

During the last two weeks I have made only one excursion to Kroger’s to purchase eggs, cheese, milk and margarine. During this shopping event, I also marveled at the shelves bare of any paper products: napkins, towels, tissues and toilet paper. For some strange and unknowable reason, people have been hoarding toilet paper. I can understand why canned tuna fish and other non-perishables may be unavailable, but why do people need toilet paper for their apocalypse?! Should I end these jotted notes merely by writing, “No shit!?

A Pimple Revisited

Among my very first memoire essays, was one entitled, “Pimple on His Chest,” in which I wrote about one of my earliest memories – the death of my five-year-old-best-friend, Jimmy Rossi. When he died, my mother told me that the cause was from a pimple on his chest. For many years thereafter, I deeply feared to see a pimple on my chest. It was a sure sign I would die. It was only decades later I realized the cause of Jimmy’s death was polio myelitis and I was not doomed to die from a pimple-on-my-chest.

Polio was, indeed, the scourge of my childhood. Throughout the country, kids were forbidden to gather together for any reason. Our isolation was mandatory. No parent wanted a child to spend the remainder of one’s life inside of an iron lung. Finally, in the late fifties, there was the sugar cube laced with a vaccine that warded off the menace of infantile paralysis.

But now, some seventy-five years later, the generation which no longer fears the polio virus has become the major target for the coronavirus that causes a respiratory disease called COVID-19. We have come a long way in our understanding of what a virus, itself, might be.

In recent years, we have learned about the Ebola virus, which causes hemorrhagic fever. That virus, discovered in Africa in the mid 1970s, was not thought of as a possible worldwide threat until 2018, when it spread rapidly through the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Uganda and Tanzania. Nevertheless, this virus was judged, by most Americans, to be an unlikely problem in the U.S. We had been conditioned to believe that viral epidemics could not occur in a modernized society.

In the previous year, 2017, our western states had outbreaks of a hantavirus that caused both hemorrhagic and pulmonary diseases. Most citizens, however, thought they could avoid the rodent droppings, which carried the hantavirus, or the body fluids which served as the repositories for the Ebola virus. We went about our daily lives with minimal disturbances. We even learned how to coexist with AIDS and HIV.

Now, in 2020, in a time of national and international unrest due to many political, economic and cultural reasons, our current virus, indeed, wears a new crown. This coronavirus possesses a disruptive authority not seen since the time of the bubonic plagues of the fourteenth century, when the population of Europe was truly decimated by yersinia pestis bacteria. With the demise of the clergy as well as peasants and merchants, the accompanying intellectual, economic, and cultural changes were extremely significant. According to some, this is the time when the use of vernacular languages as well as the peasant revolts of Europe increased. With this history, who knows what the long-term effects of COVID-19 might be.

Thus far, there have been modest impacts on the small events that shape our lives. At last Sunday’s mass, communion was distributed only in the form of the consecrated host; the use of the common chalice was forbidden. At the exchange of peace, the congregation smiled at one another; no longer did people shake hands or exchange a hug. In some parishes, the holy water fonts at the entrances into the sanctuary were emptied.

The self-service at the buffet held each Sunday in our retirement community was replaced by the wait-staff transferring food to our plates. The use of hand sanitizers was strongly encouraged when entering the dining room. According to some, the price of such items has increased tenfold, if you can even find them in a grocery or pharmacy store. And whatever else you do, don’t touch your face!

Nationally and internationally, travel is being restricted by both governmental authority and personal concerns. Major international gatherings have been cancelled in Austin and Houston. So far, the Rodeo and Livestock Show are still open, but the crowds may tend to be limited. Even Texans are reluctant to be exposed to the coughs and sneezes of anyone who might be carrying a “bug.”

Each year, thousands die because of the flu virus, but it appears that death from routine causes – be they cars, guns or flu viruses – can be tolerated, whereas aliens, whether they are a virus originating in China or refugees from Mexico, are to be avoided at all costs.

It would seem that every human has his own pimple on his chest. We will, no doubt, continue to fear these blemishes until we realize we are calling them by the wrong name and fear them needlessly. No scientist is close to discovering the cure for the virus of xenophobia. I hope they do better for COVID-19.

A Virus Revisited

A year ago, only a few weeks after COVID-19 was recognized to be a viral infection on the verge of becoming an epidemic, I wrote a few comments on the immediate effects brought about by this novel coronavirus. At the time (March 2020), most people, especially our President, Donald Trump, thought it would be short-lived. In his view, this flu-like illness would vanish long before Easter. It did not. It grew worse. It became a true pandemic.

During that first year (2020 – 2021), some 2.4 million people around the world died of it. In the US, alone, there were about one-half-million COVID-19 related deaths. More than 107 million cases were confirmed, worldwide, of which more than 27 million were found in the United States. In Texas, there were about 2.5 million cases and 471 thousand deaths.

Obviously, much has changed from what I described in early 2020. Shortly after I wrote about the modifications implemented at mass at Epiphany of the Lord, Karen and I, along with all other Catholics in Houston, were no longer able to attend mass, in person. Churches were closed completely. We participated in the Eucharistic celebration through live streaming from St Anthony of Padua in The Woodlands. We sampled services streamed from other sites and preferred this one for its liturgical forms and homiletics.

Now, in early 2021, places of worship are reopening on a limited basis, with people sitting in socially distanced pews, i.e., every other pew is vacant. Masks are worn by almost everyone in the congregation. The Presider removes his only during the homily, standing at a safe distance from others. Karen and I have not received communion for the last year!

A new, conflicted lifestyle exists throughout the nation and the world. Surely, history books will record much of what has transpired during this century’s meltdown, one equivalent to that of the plagues of the 14th century in Europe. I need not cover these conflicts, but a few comments on how COVID-19 has impacted Karen and me would be appropriate.

We have been cut off from visiting with friends, and even more significant and devastating, we have been restricted in direct interactions with family members. We did not gather for either Easter or Christmas in 2020. Nor for birthdays or any other events. We have dined a couple of times with Ken and his family at Del Pueblos, with Deb and Frank at Brookwood, and with Chris and Kelly at the same place. We made an outdoor visit with Dillon, Carolyn, Brantley, and Shiloh at their house. We also had a very pleasant visit with Ken’s immediate family on his newly covered patio. That’s it!

Life within Eagle’s Trace has been drastically modified. For many weeks, the staff delivered meals and mail to the door of our apartment. Centralized dining was eliminated and is now returning with limitations relating to the numbers present and how far apart they must be seated. Karen and I continue to bring back a daily meal from the Eagle’s Roost café. Meetings of any kind have been cancelled for many months. I stopped presenting any offerings for the Catholic Project; Karen no longer organized prayer groups.

Our interactions external to Eagle’s Trace have been equally limited. I venture to Kroger’s once-a-week to stock up on essentials, mainly for breakfast and lunch, as well as laundry and miscellaneous household needs. I wear a face mask for every trip and use latex gloves while picking out items to be purchased. Toilet paper is back in stock, although limited in the number of rolls you can purchase at one time.

Karen, except for rare visits to medical sites and the brief family encounters I’ve mentioned, remains apartment bound. We have not been to a mall or shopping center for a year. We survive with items ordered online from Amazon or a few of Karen’s specialty catalogs. I completely understand why so many local businesses are closing shop.

In the last year, I have had three haircuts; Karen finally resumed restricted visits to the salon on the first floor of Eagle’s Trace for hers. We are encouraged to interact at a six-foot distance from anyone we meet within the common areas here. Face masks are mandatary. Hand washing upon returning to the apartment is strongly encouraged. Electronic streaming has become a way of life; for us, not only with Sunday liturgy but also with a weekly podcast viewed in lieu of attending a formal town-hall meeting. The content usually relates to news about COVID-19 at Eagle’s Trace.

Many within the city, state, and country argue vehemently about the need to wear a mask in public (scientifically proven safety versus governmental authority); about social distancing of at least six feet for masked interactions; about the opening of essential businesses like bars, nail salons, and fitness centers; and about whether students should attend schools in person or by electronic zooming. Karen and I have avoided any discussions with others on these and other politically related issues associated with COVID-19. We do what we believe we should be doing. We avoid those folks we believe are not doing what we do. There are times when intolerance might be necessary for survival, as one sees it. At the same time, maybe, there is a need to tolerate intolerance! We keep trying.

Perhaps life and its events will return to a new-normal in the not-too-distant future. It is highly unlikely to return to what was “normal” only eighteen months ago. Several vaccines have, remarkably, been developed over the last few months. Usually, it takes years before such treatments can be made available. However, using new technology relating to “messenger RNA” for the production of antigen-proteins, two vaccines (made by Pfizer or Moderna) are being used under emergency certification. The Pfizer formulation, although requiring storage at extremely cold temperatures, has been made available to Eagle’s Trace through CVS pharmacy. Karen and I have received our shots at the two required clinics held here. Some 1,000 residents, staff and related personnel have been vaccinated. On the other hand, anti-vaccers continue to rant against the treatment. Some seem to believe the pandemic has been faked, along with many other events in life.

Although the vaccine will not keep us from acquiring the virus, the symptoms requiring assisted ventilation within a hospital should be reduced along with resulting deaths from COVID-19. The only negative aspect of the inoculation, for me, was a painful upper arm muscle for the week following each injection. Karen had no complaints. Unlike what we have heard about the conditions others have faced in attempting to be vaccinated, our clinics were a breeze. We have found one more reason to say we made the right decision fifteen years ago by moving to Eagle’s Trace. If one must shelter-in-place, we have the ideal place in which to shelter.

In the Middle of the Night

In the middle of the night, between January 6 and 7 of 2021, I awoke and, lying there, wondered if I were going insane. What is reality and what is fantasy? Is my life actually my personal experience or a metaphysical solipsism? Can anyone, besides me, read these words I’m writing?

Maybe the feeling is a result of the movie I watched last night. “Unknown.” Actor Liam Neeson awoke from a coma resulting from an auto accident and found his identity was not recognized by his wife and others. He finally discovered he was really a trained assassin and had assumed, as his own reality, the cover-story invented by his team, including his “wife,” in order to eliminate a biochemist who had developed a new species of corn.

Surely the newscasts I had watched, before and after the movie, did not depict reality. The images of American citizens storming the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C., having been excited to riot by the President of the United States, who desired to remain in power, having been voted-out by a majority of the people and a plurality of the Electoral College, could not be true. This had to be part of my imagination. But since it seemed so real, I must be hallucinating. I might be on the verge of insanity. Or it was an instance of metaphysical solipsism where I am the only existing mind and everything external to my mind does not truly exist.

I finally recognized I had not been imagining what I remembered about the television news programs I had seen. President Trump had really called on his Trumparians to march on the Capitol. Perhaps he thought they would mill around outside and not enter the building to vandalize it. They would not stop Congress in its ceremonial recognition that the Electoral College had legally elected Biden as President, to be inaugurated two weeks from now. After all, the fifty states, themselves, had certified the correctness of the count for each one. Almost sixty ill-fated federal and non-federal lawsuits confirmed the legality of the elections. He had, indeed, not won, as he had been claiming for the last month, by a record-breaking landslide which had been thwarted by those who were not Trumparians.

In a video message, he had claimed his Trumparians were “good people” who should “remain peaceful” as they occupied the Capitol building and made the Senators and Representatives seek hiding places as they, themselves, mocked the democracy they claimed they were defending. He continued to love them. Fortunately, those he loved did not have the wisdom to destroy the certified records waiting to be reported. They had been content to dress as Vikings waving Confederate flags and merely occupy the building, until the Capitol Police and National Guard forced them to leave, thus finally allowing Congress to carry out its governmental role late into the night, about the time I awoke to question my own sanity.

As I write these words, it is unknown what the next days and weeks will bring. Will the Cabinet, as some postulate, invoke the 25th Amendment and declare the current President incompetent to retain his office for the next two weeks, thus inaugurating Mike Pence as the shortest-governing President in some two and one-half centuries? Will those around him be able to sequester his actions for the next fortnight and preclude his overthrow of our democracy? And if there is, indeed, a “peaceful transfer of power,” as has been reported on his behalf, will there be a “peaceful continuation of power.” Perhaps the answers lie, not in a question of my own sanity, but that of the Trumparians at the gates.

Yesterday, January 6, was the Feast of the Epiphany of the Lord. It commemorates the “showing forth” of the coming of the one whose intent was to bring forgiveness and peace to people of good will. We still await the second Epiphany, the second coming of the One who will rule after the apocalypse. It is also said that in the final days, the Trump will sound. The question remains: what blast will be heard at that instant?

Impeachment Two

Donald J. Trump has been impeached for the second time – and all within a single year. There are many ways to break records. This should not be one of them! The House passed a single article of Impeachment: to the effect that the President of the United States incited his radical followers to march on the Capitol building and begin an insurrection against our democracy. All of the Democrats and ten Republicans in the House voted in favor of the article of Impeachment: “Resolved, That Donald John Trump, President of the United States, is impeached for high crimes and misdemeanors ….” The document ends with the words: “He threatened the integrity of the democratic system, interfered with the peaceful transition of power, and imperiled a coequal branch of Government. He thereby betrayed his trust as President, to the manifest injury of the people of the United. States. Wherefore, Donald John Trump, by such conduct, has demonstrated that he will remain a threat to national security, democracy, and the Constitution if allowed to remain in office, and has acted in a manner grossly incompatible with self-governance and the rule of law. Donald John Trump thus warrants impeachment and trial, removal from office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any office of honor, trust, or profit under the United States.”

A year ago, Trump was impeached for seeking the aid of a foreign leader to find foreign-based evidence that would prevent Joe Biden from being elected. Now claiming that Biden stole the election from him, he proclaims to his Trumparians that the forthcoming inauguration will establish a fraudulent presidency. Therefore, they should “fight like hell” to preserve the democracy which he, himself, should continue to lead. Following his speech to his assembled disciples, they vandalized the Capitol halls in which Congress was assembled to confirm the results of the majority of the Electoral College, as well as that of the majority of the voters last November. There was the appearance that these invaders would, if given the chance, hold Congressmen as hostages. They even shouted to “Hang Pence,” the current Republican Vice-President, who has been a very loyal partner with Trump for the past four years.

At the moment, some 2,500 National Guardsmen are stationed within the Capitol building. At the moment, there are more troops sleeping in the halls of Congress than there are stationed in Afghanistan and the Middle East. I pray that they will not be called upon in the days, or weeks, to come, as the Senate debates and votes to support the House’s impeachment. I assume that Mr. Trump will actually no longer be President when the final vote is taken, since the Inauguration will occur within a week from now. But a positive response would (perhaps) preclude his running for the Presidency in four years, as he claims he will do.

The scenario occurring at the moment continues to seem to be a narrative that is not real. Somehow, we, as a nation, will suddenly awaken and realize the sham which has been occurring. Even Mitch McConnell, the majority leader, for the moment, of the Republican-controlled Senate may be in favor of voting for this second Impeachment, having led the attack against the first one a year ago. A lot can happen within a very short time. I may, yet, see a return to sanity, with an awakening from this nightmare and a dismissing the phantoms of the past.

Impeachment Two – Post-Trial

The opening weeks of the year 2021 have been momentous. They will, no doubt, be discussed by American citizens during the months to follow and, in the years to follow, by the world’s historians. On January 6 Trumparians attacked the United States Capitol Building. Shortly afterwards, the House of Representatives, for the second time, voted that Donald J. Trump should be impeached – this time, for inciting his loyal followers to thwart the certification of Biden as President-Elect and prevent the normal peaceful transfer of power.

Mitch McConnell, then the Majority Leader of the Senate, said the trial relating to his Article of Impeachment would not be held until after Biden’s Inauguration on January 20. Nancy Pelosi, Chairman of the House of Representatives, delivered the Article to the Senate shortly after this date. Reluctantly, the Senate began its deliberations in early February. On February 13, fifty Democrats and seven Republicans voted “guilty.” However, the “not guilty” votes by forty-three Republicans carried the day, since Senate agreement to an Impeachment requires a plurality of votes; the motion failed by seven votes.

The results of the Senate’s deliberations came as no surprise. There has been the political view that Trump, who no longer serves actively as President, could not be removed from this Office and an Impeachment would not be Constitutional. On the other hand, others expressed concern about the “January Exception,” wherein a lame-duck President could do whatever he wanted to during his last weeks in Office, in particular, foster events that would preclude the necessity of his vacating the Office, itself.

For me, and perhaps for others as well, the real surprise came in the speech delivered by Mitch McConnell, shortly after Trump’s forgone acquittal. Since the Senate is equally divided between the Republican and Democrat parties with Kamela Harris, a Democrat, as the newly elected Vice President who chairs this body, Senator McConnell is now the minority leader. Somewhat surprisingly, in his speech before the full Senate, he agreed with almost all of the issues raised by the Democrat House Managers, who had presented their case over three days in the Senate’s deliberations. Mr. McConnell said,

    “January 6th was a disgrace. American citizens attacked their own government. They used terrorism to try to stop a specific piece of democratic business they did not like. Fellow Americans beat and bloodied our own police. They stormed the Senate floor. They tried to hunt down the Speaker of the House. They built a gallows and chanted about murdering the vice president. ...     “They did this because they had been fed wild falsehoods by the most powerful man on Earth – because he was angry he'd lost an election.  Former President Trump's actions preceding the riot were a disgraceful dereliction of duty. ...     “There is no question that President Trump is practically and morally responsible for provoking the events of that day. The people who stormed this building believed they were acting on the wishes and instructions of their president. And their having that belief was a foreseeable consequence of the growing crescendo of false statements, conspiracy theories, and reckless hyperbole which the defeated president kept shouting into the largest megaphone on planet Earth. The issue is not only the president's intemperate language on January 6th. It is not just his endorsement of remarks in which an associate urged "trial by combat." It was also the entire manufactured atmosphere of looming catastrophe; the increasingly wild myths about a reverse landslide election that was being stolen in some secret coup by our now-president. ...     “The leader of the free world cannot spend weeks thundering that shadowy forces are stealing our country and then feign surprise when people believe him and do reckless things. Sadly, many politicians sometimes make overheated comments or use metaphors that unhinged listeners might take literally. This was different. This was an intensifying crescendo of conspiracy theories, orchestrated by an outgoing president who seemed determined to either overturn the voters' decision or else torch our institutions on the way out. ...     “The unconscionable behavior did not end when the violence began.  Whatever our ex-president claims he thought might happen that day, whatever reaction he says he meant to produce, by that afternoon, he was watching the same live television as the rest of the world.  A mob was assaulting the Capitol in his name. These criminals were carrying his banners, hanging his flags, and screaming their loyalty to him. It was obvious that only President Trump could end this. Former aides publicly begged him to do so. Loyal allies frantically called the administration. But the president did not act swiftly. He did not do his job. He didn't take steps so federal law could be faithfully executed, and order restored. Instead, according to public reports, he watched television happily as the chaos unfolded. He kept pressing his scheme to overturn the election! Even after it was clear to any reasonable observer that Vice President Pence was in danger, even as the mob carrying Trump banners was beating cops and breaching perimeters, the president sent a further tweet attacking his vice president. Predictably and foreseeably under the circumstances, members of the mob seemed to interpret this as further inspiration to lawlessness and violence. ...

 If Senator McConnell had said these words, publicly, before the vote, there is a possibility that fewer than the forty-three Republicans would have voted: “Not guilty.” On the other hand, many of the seventy-plus-millions who voted a few months ago to reelect Mr. Trump might have renounced this particular Republican leader and we would be on the verge of a prolonged insurrection. Perhaps, Mr. McConnell was correct: Mr. Trump’s actions should not lead to his Impeachment, but rather, bear other results for him, personally. The events to come will prove to be interesting.

There is a saying to the effect that a certain, usually notoriously bad, event will occur “… when Hell freezes over!” The weather forecast for tomorrow, Presidents’ Day, 2021, for Houston and the Gulf Coast actually indicates that we will have the coldest temperatures ever recorded in this part of the country. Houston, itself, may expect several inches of snow! Look out!!

Snovid-21

A prolonged viral attack usually comes with a warning, even though its initial outbreak may be a surprise. This was the case with COVID-19, a pulmonary infection quietly originating in China before exploding into a pandemic which has devastated our society, now and for the future. Similar conditions pertain to another event, one that might be designated as “Snovid-21.” The difference is: COVID-19 starts with a fever, Snovid-21 with a freeze.

This climatic attack began quietly on the long weekend celebrating both Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day, i.e., February 14 and 15, 2021. The ground in Houston, Texas, became white with snow; the air was frigid with temperatures below 10o – conditions extremely strange for the Gulf Coast. Conditions which lasted for seven days of woeful existence. Almost a month later, calamities which arrived with the cold-air-mass remain. Some wonder when they will be healed. After all, the results of Harvey can still be seen four years later.

Unlike a physiological viral attack, Snovid-21 actually began as a beautiful event. Although the weather forecasts predicted at least six inches of snow, an unheard-of occurrence for Houston, the visible covering was only an inch high, but still impressive, around the neighborhoods of Eagle’s Trace. The grass, sidewalks, and roads became a single surface of white. Roof tops changed from dull brown to sparkling brightness; their eaves remained covered with snow for an inordinately long interval, even after the ground, itself, was visible, once more.

For the first twenty-four hours, children of all ages, along with doting, laughing parents, constructed snowmen a couple of feet high – an improbable edifice for this part of the country. Some may have even tried to construct a snow-angel, even though the results would not be as durable as those seen in the north. Although the snowmen may have remained for days longer than would have been possible after previous snowfalls in Houston, the beauty of the event was short-lived.

The unusual cold air seized the south to a degree similar to that of the grip of a pulmonary virus on human lungs. Pipes froze. Pipes outside and inside. In homes and in businesses. Eagle’s Trace had its abundant share of water gushing from wounds in all of its buildings, in its ceilings and walls. Just as medical teams operating ventilators are required for the life of patients infected with COVID-19, maintenance teams roamed the corridors of Eagle’s Trace to operate growling pumps and industrial fans to “remediate” the moisture which, if left unattended, would lead to the growth of mold and to the ultimate un-livability our apartments. Just as “mitigation” has become the new word for attention to the concerns of COVID-19 patients, “remediation” has arrived to attend to Snovid-21 victims.

The water pressure in Houston fell dramatically. Lines were turned off. When pressure was restored, the city’s residents, including those of Eagle’s Trace, were instructed to boil water to be used for drinking and tooth-brushing. Parts of our facility were without water for several days; our own building, Pecan Grove, was waterless for only twenty-four hours. Bottled water for consumption was available; fluid for flushing toilets was not. In describing the results to our grandchildren, once the conditions had improved, I said that the fragrance of my bathroom had brought back vivid memories of the outhouse on my grandmother’s farm. One of my grandsons asked for an explanation of what I meant by an “outhouse.” I told him. I was also pleased to say that the dedicated staff of Eagle’s Trace had tried to “mitigate” the situation by bringing a bucket of water from the swimming pool to allow for one flush during the height of the turn-off.

In addition to the lack of water, completely for a time and undrinkable for several days, we were without electricity for a day, but only a day. Our two sons in north-Houston had to rely on their own generators, which they had thankfully purchased for previous, more routine post-hurricane outages. At least, we had access to the elevators functioning on ET’s own generators.

Without water and electricity, meals were not available in the local dining facilities. Nevertheless, the committed staff brought a daily meal to each apartment. The entrees were limited, but more than sufficient for survival. Once more, Karen and I agreed we had made the “right decision” sixteen years ago to move to this particular retirement community.

As had been the instruction for COVID-19, to take-cover-in-place to limit the spread of the virus, we were now urged to hunker-down during the days following this initial freezing weather. Traffic in Houston is notoriously dangerous at such times. Fortunately, with even more businesses closed because of Presidents’ Day, let alone because of the ongoing pandemic, it was easy for most citizens to comply with these instructions.

However, without electricity and access to a smart-phone, Karen and I could not use the normal electronic alternatives to keep us occupied. Reading next to a window was one available option. Another one was to catch catnaps in a comfortable chair, while surrounded with a cozy blanket. The only problem with either recommendation was that my EZ-boy recliner needs external power to lower the leg-rest. It’s a challenge to get into or out of the chair when it remains in a reclining position. During one fifteen-second return of power, I was able to readjust my recliner for a more comfortable position. Karen’s operates, fortunately for her, with a built-in auxiliary battery. On the other hand, I was lucky that when our power was lost during the middle of the night, my adjustable bed was in a flat position. Hers was not.

Having only a non-functioning recliner to deal with, I was very fortunate while under attack by Snovid-21. Many other Texans have suffered so much more from this onslaught. People throughout the state have much to complain about regarding ERCOT’s mismanaged electric grid. Others still have non-potable water. Many have homes which will be under “remediation” for months, if not years.

Within the last weeks, three anti-viral drugs have been approved for use toward the prevention of COVID-19. Karen and I, along with some eleven hundred people affiliated with Eagle’s Trace, have been vaccinated. On the other hand, there is no vaccine available to ward off another Snovid-21 attack, should one come again. It is said that our frigid weather in this part of the country is a one-hundred-year event. They have said the same thing about our floods, which now appear annually! One hundred years pass more quickly than they once did.

Homeward Bound

Time, itself, does not vary. Grains of sand pass through the middle of a figure-8 glass at a constant rate, be they measured in minutes or hours. Drops of water in an ancient water-clock move at a fixed number per unit of time. The duration from one new-moon sliver, when a white thread becomes visible in the darkness, to the next new-moon sliver, remains constant over a year composed of twelve moon cycles, even if the planet’s rotation around the sun takes a few days longer than that. The perception of time, however, varies. The conditions for this variation are not fixed. This is the case for this time of coronavirus.

A year ago, Karen and I stopped attending Eucharistic liturgies at Epiphany of the Lord in Katy, Texas. The Archdiocese of Houston limited weekend masses throughout its territory, because of the risk of viral infections during the services. We searched for an on-line or “streaming” mass and, after examining several possible sites, finally settled on one originating at St Anthony of Padua in The Woodlands, Texas. The sanctuary photographed well; the homilist was usually acceptable, in both what he had to say and how he said it.

Our weekly at-a-distance participation occurred for an entire year. Finally, with the administration of two doses of Pfizer vaccine, and with the modification in the guidelines for assemblies for mass within the Archdiocese, we returned to attendance at the five-thirty Eucharistic celebration at Epiphany, almost one year following our self-imposed exile.

We had been absent for fifty weeks. Sitting there, before the liturgy began, it felt to me as if only a single week had passed. The purple altar cloth was still there, as it had been during each service in every previous Lent. The only visible change consisted of white ribbons blocking entrance to every other pew. Social distancing was to be maintained. The masked congregation spoke the same responses, used for two millennia in one language or another. There was a cantor without a choir to lead members of the community in song, now muffled slightly more than at a regular Saturday evening liturgy in the past.

Time is the interval between two events. The flow of time is constant. But the perception of time’s passage vanishes upon returning home. I have also had ths same perception when I would return to the Jesuit Retreat Center in Grand Coteau, Louisiana, for my annual Ignatian week-long silent meditations. I would drive onto the grounds, enter the foyer of the House and feel as if I had never left it. I had an identical encounter when I returned to Epiphany, having been gone, physically, for an entire year. This was, indeed, the feeling, the sense of, returning home. Yes, being home is being in the place which you never really left, no matter how long you have been away from it.

Homeward bound is the feeling of warmth one experiences when returning to a place of comfort. On the other hand, you can return to the place where you have lived and yet not be homeward bound. Home is not a geographic location associated with your past. Homeward bound is not merely to be headed toward a place where you once lived, but rather being “bound,” being united, being at oneness with the place at which you arrive, the place you desire never to leave.

Being homeward bound is being timeless; there is no perception that time has passed. What has occurred continues to occur. Being at home is continuing a conversation with a friend in the exact moment the two of you parted months or years ago. Nothing has been lost; nothing needs to be regained.

When this occurred with my return to Epiphany, I was very surprised. I had not realized how much “at home” I had become with this place. This feeling has been manifested upon my return to other religious locations – the Retreat Center at Grand Coteau and Christ the Good Shepherd in Spring – come to mind. For secular places, there is our current apartment at Eagle’s Trace with its homeward bound feeling experienced after a visit to places where relatives and friends reside.

I also recall places where I would have expected to feel “at home” but did not. Once, I had been visiting in Niles when I saw a newspaper ad that my grandparents’ house was up for sale. I was able to convince the realtor I would like to see the place even if I had no intention of buying a house in my hometown. During the walkthrough, I remembered what each room had once held, what events had occurred within them. But I did not feel “at home” regardless of having spent considerable time there in my younger days.

There had also been a visit when I happened to drive by my parent’s former house on Seneca Street and saw that a construction crew was tearing out its interior as part of a major remodeling. Once again, having convinced the workers that I had lived there during my teenage years and would like to see it for a few minutes, I was able to walk through rooms where my life had existed, and my dreams had faded. Although I could recall each location in the house, I failed to be at home in any of them.

However, I am able to be homeward bound in my memories, in my imagination. There are recollections of sitting at my cousin’s kitchen table drinking coffee with her, with her husband, George, and my wife, Karen. Although Rosemary died almost fifty years ago, I still am at home with my memories of those hours spent in pleasant conversation.

Memory has its own perception of time – of events long ago that still exist as vividly, perhaps even more so, than those lived only an hour ago. It is with this perception of time that I can return home. It is with this legacy of memories that I remain homeward bound.

September Song

Every young couple – and old ones, too – have a favorite song. For Karen and me, ours has been “September Song.” We listened to its words and melody when we were dating and at our wedding as well as at its annual celebrations – along with those times when the music was suddenly played during the autumn of the year. The month of September, itself, has been a special month for us. September is the beginning of that magnificent season when the forests become aglow with reds and golds. It’s the time for the next cycle of events to start. My own annual year began, not with January or even July (as some fiscal years do), but on September 1 with the opening of the academic year. For more than eight decades, September and its moments have been magical. This is no longer true in September 2021.

This year, this month does not begin with magical moments. It begins with a storm called Ida. Her winds and waters have brought devastation to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast as well as New Jersey and the Northeast Coast. Floods overflow not only the bayous of Louisiana but also the subways of New York City. The residents of Philadelphia and New Brunswick suffer along with evacuees from Houma and Grand Isle. Meanwhile, in the West, lands and towns burn to the ground because of raging fires. California’s forests are closed. Lake Tahoe is a smoldering ruin. In 2021, September’s song is one of tragedy, not of hope.

This September also marks the end of our twenty-year war in Afghanistan. Usually, the end of a war calls for joyful celebration, for the arrival of a longed-for peace. Not so for this two-decade conflict thousands of miles from our shores. For many, now is not the time for rejoicing but rather for finger-pointing, for the assignment of blame. We see the videoed deaths of our military and of Afghan children and ask “why?” Why were we there; why did we leave? Why did we leave the way we left? September’s song is one of death, not of hope.

This September we remember what destruction occurred on the Eleventh day of the month, twenty years ago. One hundred floors of the Twin Towers in New York City collapsed to create a mountain of rubble, brought into existence by two airplanes. The largest office building in the world had one of its five sides crash down as the result of a third terrorist-piloted airliner. A fourth flight ended in a field in Pennsylvania, because of the courage of its passengers who thwarted the actions of still another terrorist pilot heading toward our Capital City. September’s song is one of terror, not of hope.

This September we continue to suffer and die from a pandemic virus. Many once held the expectation that this attack would be concluded by the use of a new vaccine. Although the method for the elimination of COVID-19 became available several months ago, there are vast numbers of people who refuse to accept it. They claim the vaccine was developed too fast, without proper testing. It’s too experimental. Some claim the liquid to be injected contains nanoparticles the government will use to track them down. Meanwhile, our children wonder about the safety of returning to school this year. Should face-masks be mandated or left up to the discretion of parents, school boards, or the state or federal government? For an unexplainable reason, our citizens would rather die than lose their so-called freedom and live. In 2021, September’s song is one of confusion, not of hope.

This September there continues to be angry people who exhibit road rage or shopping center rage, depending upon the location where they feel extremely threatened or merely annoyed by another person. In Texas, everyone is now allowed to carry a gun, openly or concealed, with neither training nor a license to purchase the firearm. In Washington, D.C. and around the nation, there are those who view the invasion of citizens into the U.S. Capitol as being exuberant tourists and not rabid insurrectionists. Throughout the country there are those who are deeply angry about changes in abortion laws, in civil rights, in our culture, itself. In 2021, September’s song is one of division, not hope.

This year there are many versions of a September Song. In the past there have also been alternate words depending upon the singer. The lyrics of the currently popular group, Earth, Wind, and Fire, differ significantly from those of the early musical, “Knickerbocker Holiday.” Even Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra could not agree on the role of the young man and his song for young women. Nevertheless, the two crooners were in agreement for the chorus: “Oh, it’s a long, long while from May to December … But the days grow short …When you reach September … When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame … One hasn’t got time for the waiting game … Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few … September, November … And these few precious days I’ll spend with you … These precious days I’ll spend with you.”

These are the words Karen and I recall in the memory of our heart. Now at the outset of our ninth decade, they are even more relevant. We live together in the moments of our own September. Our days dwindle down to a precious few.

These words should also be the words others might follow. Our life ahead of us has fewer precious days than the ones we have left behind us. These days should not be a time for tragedy, death, terror, confusion and division. These precious days must be days of hope … days to spend together with the magic of autumn leaves. “Autumn Leaves,” of course, is still another song. Another promise for completion, for expectation and for hope.

Thanksgiving 2021

[The following is a reflection I gave to the Eagle’s Trace residents at a Thanksgiving Service held on November 23, 2021.]

Once again, we’ve listened to the story of the Thanksgiving prayer offered by the Israelites almost 4000 years ago, as recorded in the Book of Deuteronomy. This is a story about a people who made a journey, an Exodus, from a land of oppression to a land of freedom.

This story tells of how – once they had settled there and had brought in their first harvest from this new land – they gathered together to offer the first fruits of that harvest to the Lord God. They bowed down and worshiped him. And then they rejoiced together.

Almost 400 years ago, another pilgrim people journeyed from a place of oppression to live in a new land of freedom. They, too, survived that first year in the wilderness they had discovered there. They, too, harvested the first fruits of the land over which they had labored.

Both the Israelites and the Pilgrims of Plymouth joined with strangers among them – with those who did not share their same beliefs – and they celebrated. Together, they rejoiced around the tables holding their mutual harvests.

Today there are those among us who, sixteen years ago, began a new journey as they moved to Eagle’s Trace. Over the following years, our neighbors have grown ten-fold as we opened new communities and plan for even more.

It was two years ago, back in November of 2019, that we last gathered together to celebrate our common gratitude for the nation in which we live and for this community where we reside. It was a time before very many of us had ever heard the word: coronovirus.

That was a time when our image of a Thanksgiving celebration focused on a Norman-Rockwell-painting in which family and friends surround a table bearing a huge turkey and all the trimmings. It was a celebration for giving thanks for all the good things that had happened to us during the previous 12 months and for the material possessions we had obtained since our last, annual dinner together.

However, the words from the Second scriptural reading we heard this morning – from the Gospel according to Saint Luke – strongly suggest we should give thanks, not for the things we possess, but rather for the trust we have in our Lord God, our merciful Father, who provides everything we now have … or will ever hope to have.

The people of the original Exodus placed their trust in the Lord God to lead them from Egypt to the land of their ancestors. The pilgrims from England placed their trust in God to lead them safely to a new land, a “New” England. And we, ourselves, have trusted God and have made significant changes late in our life to come here to Eagle’s Trace and new beginnings.

There were some Israelites who, during the Exodus, wondered why they were making the journey. They recalled their homes in Egypt and thought about returning to the supposed security of their former captivity.

During their first harsh winter in Plymouth, when so many died, there were some who longed to return to the security of England – even if it might mean giving up their freedom to worship as they wanted.

However, both the Israelites of the Holy Land and the Pilgrims of Plymouth trusted in God and in one another. They remained in their new lands, with their new ways of life.

Today, we too, continue to exist in days of anxiety, days in which it may be difficult to give thanks when we are burdened by the cares of the world
●… cares about covid-19 and other illnesses, other diseases of body and spirit;
●… cares about climate change, about floods and fires and other uncertainties about the physical world we will leave for our grandchildren,
●… cares about civil and cultural unrest and the political world we will leave for our grandchildren,
●… cares about moral attitudes and events and the spiritual world we will leave for our grandchildren.

Nevertheless, we are invited, once again, to give thanks for the assuredness that the Lord God will protect us from external harm and give us internal peace.

As we continue to be stewards of the resources needed for our personal and communal health and welfare, for our lives and those of the generations to follow, we trust that God will continue to extend his blessings to us – as well as to the birds of the air and the flowers of the fields.

We also offer our hope that we, ourselves, may grow in trust, the foundation for giving thanks to God.
● Trust in our own self … that we will not bring harm to our own well- being … through actions we do, or fail to do.
● Trust in others … that together we can find a common ground for our mutual life and welfare … both here in our community of Eagle’s Trace and that of our state, country and world.
● And finally … Trust in a God who unites our diverse humanity with bonds of understanding and an interwoven fabric of life.

Each one of us carries in our pockets small bits of green paper that bear the words, “In God We Trust.” This morning, as we gather together to offer our mutual giving of thanks, let us resolve to carry these words not merely on these pieces of paper … but to engrave them within our own hearts … “In God We Trust.”

And most important of all, when we give thanks …. either gathered with companions on the road we travel together… or alone in our room … let us recall that where our treasure is, there also will be our hope, our trust and our thanksgiving.

{Reflection given for Eagle’s Trace Thanksgiving Service: November 23, 2021. Text: Deut 26:1-11; Lk 12:22-34}

Janus is Two-faced

In very ancient days, the year began on March 1, along with spring planting in Europe. Back then, September really was the seventh month of the year. However, Julius Caesar, deciding he, himself, needed his own month, converted the fifth month, Quintilis, to “July.” Later, Sextilis was set aside for his heir, Augustus Caesar. The Julian calendar, lasting in Europe until its revision by Pope Gregory VIII in 1582, changed the first month of the year from March to January, a name based on the Roman god, Janus.

This god has two faces, one looking forward, the other backward. Janus is the deity for doorways, as well as for beginnings and endings. Millennia later, the month bearing his name remains two-faced. January 2022 is an excellent example of a two-faced month.

At the beginning of both 2020 and 2021, I commented on that plague called “COVID-19.” At the start of the contagion, there was no need to designate the viral strain as alpha. Little did we believe we would see the days of “omicron.” Now, we wonder if the time of “omega” may ever arrive.

Yes, there was a time when this country, or at least the then-current President, believed the virus would be completely gone in a few months. After all, Chinese products never last long; surely this would be equally true for his “Hong-Kong” virus. On the other hand, it was also the time when many believed our own democracy would never end, would never even be challenged. That belief coexisted prior to January 6, 2021, less than three weeks before the inauguration of Joe Biden, who, many believed, had stolen the election from Mr. Trump.

A year ago, I wrote my impressions of what should have been only a short-lived nightmare. Surely, in my waking hours, there could not be an insurrection and the storming of the Capitol building by flag-waving citizens, weaponized against Capital policemen, who defended the building and the Congress from physical attacks. These defenders were crushed by the arrival of men and women seeking to eliminate the Vice-President of the United States so that he could not lead a Congress that would certify an election which would not return Mr. Trump to the Oval Office.

On this January 6, 2022, there are increasing numbers of people who believe there was no insurrection in Washington, D.C., a year ago. Those seen in video coverage and in photographs were merely happy, peaceful tourists desiring to see Congress in action, doing the right thing.

Political investigations continue to review the matter before reaching any conclusions on what happened and what should be done, if anything, to prevent any recurrence of overzealous tourists entering the Capitol building. It is difficult to say whether the country will continue to be influenced by the “Big Lie” or by the “Real Truth.” Perhaps the designation will depend upon which historians survive. I, myself, am reluctant to comment on how so many individuals can take the wrong side in what should be factually based observations, made within a two-faced political system.

On this January 6, 2022, there are almost three-hundred-million people, worldwide, who have had confirmed cases of Covid-19, regardless of its Greek-lettered strain. There are approximately fifty-eight million confirmed cases in the U.S. and almost five million in the state of Texas. The number of deaths in the nation is rapidly approaching one million, those in Texas about seventy-five thousand.

These numbers continue to increase despite the fact that there are vaccines which can reduce both the incidence and the severity of the viral onslaught. However, many people refuse to receive a vaccination against Covid-19. They maintain the vaccine, itself, is harmful, that it may promote the spread of the virus. In addition to avoiding the treatment, they protest against vaccinations being mandated by federal authority, in any manner similar to the one used for other public health diseases.

The unrelenting spread of the coronavirus has resulted in a lack of personnel for transportation systems and for health care facilities. Given the number of infected teachers, many parents with school-aged children need to address educational policy about sending students to classes in person or using on-line instruction. I, personally, am thankful I do not need to make such decisions for my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Even college students have their own educational issues for their in-person or virtual learning. Social life for everyone continues to have questions about appropriate behavior for us individually or in groups.

Meanwhile, here at Eagle’s Trace we, once more, have limited services as a result of under-staffing because of the increasing numbers of those with coronavirus symptoms. Residents may go maskless, others must wear masks in public areas. Residents can gather for some events, but not for those in which active social contact might result. A New Year’s Eve dance had been considered but finally cancelled. Wine clubbers can drink only in small groups in the living room with its open-bar, indicative of continuing strange times.

Throughout the Archdiocese of Houston, questions continue to be addressed about the appropriate responses people should take. Cardinal DiNardo has allowed a full return of the Sunday liturgy – with or without a required mask or social distancing, depending upon the individual’s preferences. Communion is distributed with only consecrated hosts, not with the chalice of consecrated wine. Karen and I have returned, with masks, to Saturday evening mass at Epiphany of the Lord, but are more willing to participate in a streamed service than we would have once considered.

We still limit our shopping in the real world to Kroger’s. We avoid shopping malls, but there are indications many customers have returned. Without Amazon-dotcom, Karen would not have received any Christmas presents from me. She, herself, prefers telephoned orders from Land’s End or other specialty catalogs. Fortunately, the two of us have not been impacted by “supply chain” problems, which have influenced on-line orders as well as empty displays in those stores surviving two years of economic hardship because of COVID-19.

We did manage to celebrate a Christmas Day dinner with most of the family at Del Pueblo, our favorite Mexican restaurant, with its exceptional Margaritas, along with a gift exchange at Ken’s house. We are trying to return to a “new normal” much like the “old normal.” However, it’s unlikely that anything will truly be normal for months to come, if ever.

January, as well as Janus, continues to have two faces. January 6 may become like September 11 or December 7 and be called another day of infamy. On the other hand, on the other face, January 6 is also the true Feast of the Epiphany, the celebration of the arrival of the three wise men who followed a star to Bethlehem, some two-thousand years ago.

January 6 may continue, over the years, as a “manifestation,” a showing forth of the Prince of Peace. I, myself, can continue to hope and pray that the face of Rebellion, of Confusion, of Division, of non-Civility may be hidden, and the face of Peace, of Reason, of Unity and of Civility may be revealed, at last.

Putin’s War

Evidently Vladimir Putin wants history to recognize him as the one who “Made Russia Great Again.” He was born in 1952, when the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was beginning to challenge the United States for world leadership. With the destruction of the Berlin Wall, in December 1989, and the collapse of the USSR, two years later, into more than a dozen separate republics, Putin’s world changed dramatically.

Putin, a former officer in the KGB, recalled the time, more than a thousand years ago, when the Rus, a Nordic tribe, had settled around Kyiv (or in Russian, Kiev), and had begun the cultural history of Russia. In late February of 2014, as President of Russia, he decided to retake that ancient land. He sent troops into Crimea, the southern peninsula of Ukraine. At first, these invaders bore no markings indicating that they were Russian troops; they were known merely as the “little green men.” Within a month, soldiers, now marked as Russian troops, had gained control of the area, allowing Putin direct access to the Black Sea, a long desired Soviet goal. The Ukranian military left the Crimean Peninsula by the end of March 2014, but sporadic fighting continued in the eastern, Russian-speaking, areas of Ukraine into the current year, 2022.

During the winter of 2021-2022, Putin moved more than 150,000 Russian troops to the northern, eastern and southern borders of Ukraine. Then on February 24, 2022, proclaiming the eastern Ukranian areas of Donetsk and Luhansk to be independent nations requiring Russian military assistance, he dispatched his troops across those borders. He had informed his invaders that they would be warmly received by the Ukrainians, who desired help in overthrowing the neo-Nazi government controlling them from Kiev. However, a former comedian of Jewish origin, Volodymyr Zelensky, who was now the President of Ukraine, had a different view. He has encouraged, with unflinching resolve, to lead his countrymen in a defense of their freedom. When asked how a government-in-exile might be made possible for him and his colleagues, he responded with a unique punchline: “I need ammunition, not a ride!”

In the last fortnight, the world has changed, once more. Every western nation, except North Korea, Syria, Venezuela, and Nicaragua, has come out against Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. China has attempted to remain neutral, while the Scandinavian nations and Switzerland, having been historically neutral in European affairs, are now joining the West with uniform economic sanctions against Russia. Because of these financial actions, the economy of Russia, itself, has collapsed dramatically.

Before the invasion, the Russian and American exchange rates were somewhat equivalent. Two weeks into the war, one ruble is worth less than one US cent! Western banking systems have discontinued their interactions with Russia. Within the last few days, the United States has banned the import of Russian oil, although recognizing that the cost of gasoline, rapidly approaching $5.00 per gallon, will have an economic impact on both ground and air transportation.

Of course, the main cost of the war has been the loss of life to Ukranian citizens as well as the hardships accompanying the massive exodus of women and children from their country. Ukranian males of military age are not allowed to leave, being essential to the nation’s military survival.

The movement of two million people has brought grief that has not been seen in Europe for the last five decades. On the one hand, Poland, a significant destination for escaping refugees, is rightfully being praised for allowing them access and promising that they can remain for three years, if they are able to cross the border on foot or to wedge themselves onto the half dozen trains arriving each day from the East. On the other hand, there are those who have been critical of these efforts, since, in the immediately prior years, refugees fleeing from countries of the Middle East have been met with huge resistance. However, this openness of the Poles to their fellow Slavs should not be surprising, given the interlaced histories and cultures of the Polish and Ukranian peoples. This mingling has been part of my own personal history.

My Polish mother maintained there are familial branches which are of Ukranian origin. Her sister Violet, my godmother and favorite aunt, married Charles Weida, whose father was born in the village of Terka, only a few miles from the Ukranian border, and was, probably, of Ukranian origin. Their eldest daughter, Rosemary, who was my most beloved cousin, married George Karnofel, who was of Ukranian stock. They were married in the Ukranian Catholic Church, rather than in the Roman Catholic rite, since it was required that in such a “mixed marriage,” the wedding ritual of the husband must be followed. Although Rosemary continued to be a practicing Roman Catholic and raised all of their children as Roman Catholics, she had to be buried in the Ukranian Catholic Church, which follows the Byzantine rite. However, unlike the Greek Orthodox and Russian Orthodox Churches with similar Byzantine rites, the Ukranian Catholic Church does recognize the primary position of the Roman Catholic pope as well as the role of its own Ukranian patriarch.

These religious overlaps were brought home to me when Rosemary died in April 1986, shortly after I had been ordained as a Permanent Deacon. The pastor of St Peter and Paul Byzantine Rite Church invited me to serve as a deacon at her funeral. Fortunately, there was a Byzantine Rite deacon whom I could mimic during the celebration of their elaborate liturgy. One of the events I vividly recall is the distribution of communion. Ukranian Catholics receive the consecrated bread and wine simultaneously. The deacon, using a small-bowled, long-handled spoon, picks up the consecrated host, in the form of a crouton; dips it into the cup of consecrated wine; and inserts the spoon into the open mouth of the recipient, while inverting it so the wine-soaked host is deposited onto the person’s tongue. As the Byzantine priest informed the visiting Roman congregation, just open your mouth and the clergy will do all of the work!

My mother, who did not learn English before entering the first grade, told me she could understand both the Ukranian and Russian spoken by relatives and neighbors, but could respond only in Polish. She also commented, once, that Nikita Khrushchev spoke Russian like a peasant! When I was older, I wished I had paid more attention to her linguistic abilities and had learned to speak Polish when my tongue was nimbler.

Although all of the neighbors who lived near my grandmother’s farm were natives of Poland or Ukraine, the majority of the Slavic residents in my hometown lived in an area called “Roosha Field,” even if they were not really of Russian origin. Although there was teasing among the various Slavic speaking friends and relatives, not unlike that between Aggies and Tea-Sippers, there continued to be a united culture among them. This cultural unity continues even today, although Mr. Putin may have misjudged the political reality of those who wish to live independently under a blue and yellow flag rather than one with three stripes of white, blue and red.

When Putin thought that the invasion of “The Ukraine,” a former region of Russia, would reunite his country, because of their common ancestry originating in Kyiv/Kiev, he did not fully appreciate that cultural identity is not equivalent to political identity. A language you can understand is not the same as a language you speak daily. Alumni from the universities located in College Station and in Austin may acknowledge that they are all “Texan” in their culture and heritage, but their loyalties to their schools remain distinct. Nordic mother “Rus” gave birth to separate nations; but once twins, conjoined at birth, have been separated, they can never be rejoined, no matter who attempts the union.

Postscript: It is now a month after the invasion began. Kyiv has not been taken; other cities have been destroyed. Ukraine forces are attempting to recapture Russian controlled cities. Over three-million Ukrainians have left the country. Moscow’s stock market remains closed. The price of gasoline in the U.S. approaches $7.00 in California. Mr. Putin, no doubt fuming at the failure of his “special military operation,” which was to have lasted less than a few weeks, has modified his stated goals. He apparently is not as interested in eliminating the “neo-Nazis” as he had originally planned to do; his new goal is to incorporate the eastern areas of Russian-speaking Ukrainians into Russia.

Left Behind

Over the years I’ve grown accustomed to leaving people, and events, behind. The leave-taking began more than six decades ago, when I left home to enter college. I suppose my lack of homesickness, or any regrets associated with leaving, were minimized as a result of my view, at the time, that my so-called “home life” was not overly satisfying. My family of origin could readily be described as “nonfunctional.” The same might be said of high school friendships. On the other hand, I did have a decided feeling of homesickness when I arrived in Ithaca, New York, to begin my graduate studies. My years at Kent State had been very rewarding in so many ways. At Cornell, I missed the familiarity of the campus I had loved and the friends I had made there. Most important, there was my separation from Karen, who still had her senior year to finish before we would be married. When I had met new, fellow graduate students at Cornell and had settled into my own apartment, the “left behind” syndrome ended. It did not return during all of the moves that followed.

I have had many changes of address over the years. During my time at Kent State, I never spent two consecutive years in the same place. This was equally true for Ithaca. During my first year, I had a room in a private home, with facilities shared by other students, before I moved into an apartment which, later, became my first place for living as a newly married couple. We lived in two other locations in the years before I graduated. There was even a transfer to another apartment within the same building, before our daughter was born.

The moves continued. Two years in Hanover, New Hampshire, with a different address for each year. Then, two years and two more places in Corvallis, Oregon. My five years with the NIH saw residences in Bethesda, Wheaton and Rockville, Maryland. Fortunately, we had only one house in Amherst, Massachusetts. I actually enjoyed each move.

With a new address, came an opportunity for a new life, especially when a new city was involved. The major disadvantage resulting from our multiple moves was a drastic decrease in being able to visit with our own parents. When we lived in the East (Ithaca and Hanover), Karen and I journeyed to Ohio for Thanksgiving, Christmas and summer vacations. Karen’s parents and mine managed to visit us for a few days in both of those college towns.

My parents traveled to Oregon for three days, long enough for them to see the zoo in Portland and experience the cold waters of the Pacific Ocean, while picnicking with us on the beach. Our return to the East Coast allowed for brief visits by Karen’s parents and mine in both Amherst and Bethesda. Each set of parents was able to spend a Christmas at one place or the other, as well as a birthday for a grandchild or, in the case of my folks, a First Communion for Deb and for Ken. It was because of the difficulty our children had in getting to know their grandparents that we made the decision, once I had retired, to remain in Houston.

Our three kids had become Texan at heart. Deb left for San Antonio for her senior year at Trinity University, having spent the first three at Syracuse, along with a semester-abroad in London. When she returned to the Alamo City following her graduation, with brief interludes in Lubbock, Texas and Eagle, Colorado, her absence from the immediate family did not seem to be a challenge. The drive-time between Houston and San Antonio allowed the three of us to visit every few months. Now, Karen and I engage in a more limited driving, we have continued to meet for lunch some place in between – from Columbus through Schulenburg, Flatonia, Hallettsville, and Gonzales to La Grange.

Ken no longer drove to and from College Station, and Christopher finished his college drives to San Marcos. They married and settled down with their own families in the general area of The Woodlands, making visits with them possible for holidays and special occasions, as well as whenever we could coordinate our individually busy schedules.

Until recently, our grandchildren’s generation was firmly established with Houston as its focus. The ones who went off to college in Texas returned home and found wonderful spouses. They began to gift us with great-grandchildren. But times do change.

One of our granddaughters, Kirby, married Stephen, who began to establish his own career in finance. His company provided him with a year-long reallocation to New York City. Upon returning to Houston, he was offered a new opportunity in Atlanta, Georgia. Kirby and Stephen moved there a year ago, to become the first of that generation to live outside of Texas.

Two weeks ago, her father, Chris, mentioned that he and Kelly were buying a house in Gadsden, Alabama, about a two-hour drive from Atlanta, and would be moving there. He had retired from being a high school administrator a few years ago; Kelly had also retired from her full-time position teaching high school mathematics. Their younger daughter, Kennedy, could readily continue her nursing career in a hospital in Atlanta. I suddenly felt left behind.

While it’s true I had never really thought much about how my own parents might have felt about my own cross-country moves, I now realize what they might have experienced when I left home, even with my recognizing the problems we had during those years when we lived in the same house.

Traveling is much easier, now, than when Karen and I left Ohio for the East, West and Southern Coasts. Nevertheless, recent events have brought about a new orientation for me. The months of follow-up for the COVID-19 pandemic have had their own impact on everyone. There are also the normal effects of passing into the second half of my ninth decade. While I realize our own parents were able to visit us occasionally, it is less likely that Karen and I will be able to travel to Alabama and Georgia.

Having chosen to remain in Texas, where our own children and grandchildren have lived, I intellectually appreciate Chris and Kelly wanting to be near their own children and grandchildren-to-be. At the same time, I admit there is a realistic question about my own future interactions with them. When they finally do move, which is still an unknown date and will remain so for many months, I wonder: “when will I see them again?”

The answer is not known. The aging process, itself, is coupled with an appreciation of human mortality. Karen and I were not present for the demise of our own parents. We had, once, expected that our descendants would remain in Texas for the remainder of our lives and would be available during our final days. This is no longer a certainty. At the outset of these reflections, I entitled them: “Left Behind.” I trust this designation should remain and the words should not be changed to “Right Ahead!”

Pomp & Circumstance

There are several reasons why I take the time and make the effort to jot down items for my legacy in words. The process results in a journal, a written record of my thoughts and the events which brought about those thoughts. I began doing this more than seventy years ago, when I was experiencing the lonely years of being a teenager in Ohio. Theoretically, these notes may provide an insight for my grandchildren and their descendants about life in the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries.

These past seven decades have been a significant part of the Second Elizabethan age, an era with as much excitement as the one encountered by an earlier Elizabeth, the daughter of Henry VIII, who experienced his own extremely personal events that, unlike mine, have had worldwide repercussions.

Today, September 19, 2022, is the day of the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II. For the past ten days, the world, let alone England and its associated lands, has been enthralled with the pomp and circumstance of this event, which has been met with meditative silence, fond memories of a distinguished woman, and puzzlement about the fate of the British monarchy under the reign of Charles III.

There are not many of us who recall Elizabeth’s coronation on June 2, 1953, the day before I, myself, graduated from high school. My own recollections concern radio broadcasts and newsreels seen at the local movie theater. On the other hand, there has been 24/7 coverage by television and social networks of every jot and tittle associated with her funeral. There has even been media coverage about a bishop dropping a piece of paper next to her catafalque. Commentators have been speculating about his thoughts regarding whether he should have picked it up! (It appears someone did pick it up when the camera was focused elsewhere!)

Many Americans and other non-British observers have expressed deep sorrow about the Queen’s passing. Their active interest has mirrored the sadness shown throughout the world for the death of other celebrities. Princess Diana is still recalled with great fondness long after her death in a Parisian car accident. Others have had similar reactions with the deaths of Elvis Presley, John Lennon, or John Denver. One of my own earliest memories is how my parents grieved over the death of FDR. I, myself, recall my thoughts about the assassination of JFK. However, my own grief for the death of any of these, or other, celebrities is minimal in comparison with the expressions recorded in public media for the passing of Queen Elizabeth II.

My lack of deeply expressed sorrow pertains to the death of people I have known personally, as well as those who are known only through public accounts. Yes, I have felt momentary sadness about the death of friends or relatives, but not to the extent apparent in others. If I actually believe in life-after-death and a final reunion with God, there is no reason for me to grieve the earthly departure of anyone. They continue to exist in a condition of complete love. I should be happy for them. Any sorrow I might feel would be the result of a loss of the pleasure they brought to me, a pleasure that should be recalled with joy, not sadness.

Yes, my cousin Rosemary still exists within my active memory as someone whom I greatly loved and dearly miss, although she died in April 1986. I’ve lost other cousins, as well as all of my aunts and uncles, but I am not sad that they no longer exist in this world. I also recall with great fondness, interactions I’ve had with close friends who died long ago, but there is no sadness, no grief, no feeling of loss, per se. Memories should be ones of events that once brought pleasure and continue to bring joy.

Pomp is defined as a show of magnificence or splendor. The glory of God is also a display of magnificence and splendor that is all-enveloping. Pomp and circumstance have been present in an earthly form this past week on an island off the coast of Europe. I expect that, to a lesser degree, they will be exhibited in Houston, Texas, during the next week, since it was announced, today, that Joseph Fiorenza, Archbishop Emeritus of the Diocese of Galveston-Houston, died this morning; he was 91. Bishop Fiorenza, like Queen Elizabeth II, was loved and respected by many friends and followers. His funeral will, no doubt, be closely observed.

There are several times throughout my own life when I have been stirred by the magic of processional marches and their accompanying rituals. The black and white television images of a riderless horse come readily to mind as will, I’m sure, the red-and-gold-covered casket of a queen. The sound of Sir Edward Elgar’s “Pomp and Circumstance” can be heard by an inner ear. It is good to recall that he composed this music for the coronation of Elizabeth’s father, Edward VII, in 1902. Pomp and circumstance remain relevant for commencements, and not just for the conclusion of a well-lived life. Both processionals and recessionals are part of our complete opus.

The Semi-normal Life of COVID-19

It is now February 2023! Two years have passed since I wrote about our personal interactions resulting from COVID-19. There is now a new, semi-normal life. Individuals may still be concerned about the latest genetic strain of the virus, but they are not doing much more about it than they did before the epidemic began three years ago. As with many viruses, there have been numerous mutations, resulting in some strains being more infective than others. However, the Houston Chronicle has finally eliminated its daily statistics on the virus.

Currently, 6.8 million deaths have occurred worldwide, of which 1.1 million have been reported for the US. More than 670 million cases of viral infection have been attributed, globally, with 102 million in this country, and some 8.3 million confirmed for Texas. I, personally, know no one who has died because of the virus, although there have been deaths among relatives of those living at Eagle’s Trace, even if there have been no COVID-19 deaths reported for our own residents.

Our Medical Center has provided residents, those willing to take them, with two basic and two booster vaccinations. Only a few here have declined, although general acceptance of the vaccines has been limited, depending a lot upon one’s politics! With the anti-vaccination response evident by so many throughout the country, it would not be surprising if both smallpox and polio will return. Respiratory infections, in general, have increased, primarily in children. Adults are also suffering long-range fatigue following their recovery from COVID-19, itself.

Along with the physical fatigue, there may be a widespread psychological malaise. People are growing weary of the pandemic reports by the media. Perhaps, to offset this fatigue, video newscasts seem to focus, even more than they did previously, on details of mass-shootings of school children as well as attacks on Asians and other minorities! Police brutality and riots against authority make up the remainder of the nightly news. Fortunately, I do not follow the other, common social media outlets, which seem to focus on conspiracy plots and how the 2020 election was “stolen” from Mr. Trump, per his own accounts.

Social distancing is rarely practiced at the beginning of 2023. Stenciled footprints are still visible in many lines designated for public waiting, but few are occupied. Only a handful of people wear masks, either at Eagle’s Trace or in the grocery store. Karen and I have not visited a mall, together, since Christmas, 2019! While she was in the hospital, recently, for her hip-replacement, I did go to Memorial City Mall, adjoining the hospital, in order to buy her a Christmas present. Actually, I went twice, to purchase two gifts. The first visit was on a weekday, and the Mall, the major one for this part of Houston, was quite empty of customers. However, on Saturday afternoon, the crowds seemed to have returned in full force. I, myself, continue to order almost everything else from Amazon. I have not purchased any new clothes for the last three years.

With regard to religious gatherings, we have returned to the liturgies held at either Epiphany of the Lord or at St. John Vianney’s parish. Following Karen’s hip-replacement, I have returned to being the driver. However, I do not enjoy driving after dark, and Vianney is readily available with non-expressway traffic. Cardinal DiNardo now allows reception of the cup for those who desire to partake of it at Eucharist. Streaming liturgies are events of the past.

At this stage following the outset of COVID-19, much of the nation has returned to the behavior it exhibited prior to the epidemic. In fact, young adults may be even more anxious to return to a party-lifestyle than they were before being isolated. The older folks at Eagle’s Trace also seem to be in the process of setting aside the restrictions of the pandemic. The living room in the main building is, once more, filled each night with before-dinner wine imbibers.

Toilet paper is readily available in the stores. However, a dozen eggs, because of a new avian virus, may be bought for $7.00, over twice the price of a current gallon of gasoline! Only a few months ago, the prices were reversed. People, once again, are frequenting restaurants. Given the rapidly increased cost for all kinds of food purchases, I am reluctant to join in this renewed activity. Although the annual fee for maintenance at Eagle’s Trace, which includes funds for dining, have increased by 6%, it is still less expensive to eat here than at the “average” restaurant.

The cycle of life continues, as confusingly as ever. The new semi-normal life, as it becomes the new-normal, maintains its price-keeping pace. Reluctantly, I follow.

My Need to See

It began when Karen leaned forward and tried to cough, but couldn’t. We were at dinner on a Thursday evening in the Eagle’s Roost café where she was enjoying her fillet mignon. The bite she had taken was too large to swallow; she began choking but with no result. She stood up and tried to dislodge the meat but could not. She collapsed onto her chair, bent over the table and became silent. I have never been so scared in all of my life than when I sat across from her, and could do nothing. She was choking to death. I yelled for someone to call the front desk for the community’s first responders. There was a lot of commotion by surrounding residents and staff but it seemed that no one was doing anything to call for professional help. One of the dining-room residents said he was a physician and tried to perform a Heimlich maneuver but failed to bring anything up, since he could not get her to stand. She was lying on the floor when first responder Dustin and his partner arrived and began to perform CPR on her unmoving form. All I could do was stand there and pray.

My prayer, even then, seemed strange to me. I prayed that she recover, yet I simultaneously prayed for God’s will to be done. If she died, I knew she would be with Him in heaven. And yet I, selfishly, did not want to let her go, even though I believed she would not really depart from me. As Dustin administered CPR, she coughed up the bolus of fillet mignon and moved her legs. It was not yet time for us to be separated by dimensions of time and space. Responders from the local fire station appeared with their stretcher. As Karen awakened, she was placed on the gurney and moved down the hall to the waiting ambulance. I rushed along with my walker until we reached the elevator. She and the team went on while I anxiously waited for the elevator car to return.

She was examined in the ambulance; her vital signs appeared to be back to normal. Dustin and the other responders urged she be taken immediately to the local ER. However, she was adamant in not wanting to go to the hospital. Having been married for sixty-five years, I knew there was really no way for me to convince her to agree to the transfer. The two of us returned to our apartment; she in a wheelchair and I with my walker. She entered her recliner and I sat in mine. She rested comfortably for the remainder of the night; I did not.

The next morning, after meeting with Dr. Patel in the ET medical center, Karen reluctantly agreed for me to take her to the ER at Methodist West Hospital, fifteen minutes away from Eagle’s Trace. She remained there for the weekend. She slowly recovered from the inhalation pneumonia that resulted from her choking episode. Arrangements were made, with a lot of ongoing hassles, for oxygen tanks and an oxygen concentrator to be delivered to our apartment. (For some unknown reason, the oxygen company agents could not readily find Eagle’s Trace, even after explicit instructions were repeatedly given to the local office. Fortunately, Karen did not need a tank for her visit to a pulmonologist who agreed she did not require additional oxygen.)

A month later Karen has completely recovered, physically. She recalls almost nothing about the episode, itself. Shortly afterwards, she did ask about my standing in front of her with a pink box in my hands. That is an event which I maintain never occurred.

On the other hand, I continue to have my own emotional problems regarding this incident which, while terrifying during the time it occurred, ended with positive results. I fear that she may choke again. Any small cough while she is eating, brings about a terrible dread within me. I know she will take only small bites, that it is unlikely anything will go down the wrong way. But the fear persists. I fear losing her; this time with no return. I realize how much I depend upon her presence, her being there. It’s not a matter of doing without the actions she performs, of her not taking care of the housework in our daily lives. I know that I can do all that might be required for my own physical existence. It is my emotional and spiritual existence that would change.

I truly understand, now, that love is being present to the other. Our communication does not require us to speak. We can sit quietly together in the same room or do our own things in different parts of our home. Although love is being together as one soul, I prefer … for now … that the body is somewhere nearby. I realize that, in some year to come, this physical presence will be broken. I know that the spiritual bond will exist forever, but during my waking hours I prefer to dwell elsewhere. I need to see her whenever I look for her smiling face.

Old Time Radio Themes

Before the Internet and its social connections such as YouTube, even before television – live or streaming – there was radio. Many Saturday mornings and weekday afternoons or evenings, I had the time to listen to distant sounds and, with a vivid imagination, see them come alive. Although I’ve forgotten a program’s content, the theme songs which introduced each one are still able to activate a synapse or two.

Programs in the afternoon were usually produced for teenage listeners. This was the time for Superman and Mark Trail. Saturday mornings was dedicated to Let’s Pretend and, for some strange reason, Grand Central Station. Evenings were for variety shows like Fred Allen and Your Hit Parade. Of course there were also comedies like Jimmy Durante and Fibber McGee and Molly. My evening favorites, however, were playhouse productions with real drama or mysteries with fake drama. Do you remember the short walk to the Little Theater Off Times Square?

There is no reason to include a listing of all of the theme songs from the forties and early fifties. If you click on the link below, you should be able to hear some of them. If you’re too young to remember them, I hope you might find them amusing, anyway. Welcome to being surprised!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d8Pj36RuR0&ab_channel=PatCamerino

Moon Walk

It depends upon when you were born as to what you think of when you hear the term “Moon Walk.” If you were a teenager, or older, in the 1960’s, you may very well recall the dance steps executed in place by Michael Jackson. However, for those who were a youngster or an adult living in the summer of 1969, the words “moon walk” might induce a reflection on Neil Armstrong walking on the real moon, itself. That event occurred a few minutes before 3:00 a.m. on Sunday, July 20, 1969.

We wanted our daughter, Deb, who had been born ten years earlier in 1959, to remember the date. It might even be possible for Ken, born in 1963, to remember that something special happened in the world when he was six years old. It would be unlikely for our four-year-old Chris to remember anything about his being forced to stay up very late on that adventurous night in the summer of 1969.

At the time, we were living in Rockville, Maryland, a suburb of Washington, D.C., and could not avoid being inundated by reports of rocket blasts and space efforts. It was a very sleepy family that had gathered in our family room around a small black and white television. Games and jigsaw puzzles kept us involved and on the verge of doziness, until it was announced that Neil Armstrong was about to exit through the Eagle’s hatch, climb slowly down the ladder and place a foot on the dust of the moon. We were more or less awake to hear the words: “One small step for (a) man; one giant leap for mankind.”

The words were more exciting than the mere “beep … beep … beep” I had heard some dozen years previously coming from a radio in the DU fraternity house in Ithaca, New York where I was eating dinner on October 4, 1957. Back then I was a graduate student at Cornell University, when the evening-news-broadcast included the sounds being emitted from the Russian Sputnik, an artificial satellite circumnavigating the earth for the first time. A month later, on November 3, we learned that the Soviet Union had launched Laika, a Moscow mongrel, as the first living creature to orbit the planet.

It was a time to be amazed; science-fiction was becoming science-reality. Four years later, as I was completing my doctoral degree, I heard about Yuri Gagarin orbiting in Vostok 1 following his lift off on April 12, 1961. Seventeen months later, the US-USSR space race was announced by JFK in his speech, at Rice University in Houston, with the words: “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things not because they are easy, but because they are hard.”

President Kennedy was no longer around to see the completion of the race he had announced. Over the intervening years, I followed each step taken by the Mercury Project of 1958 – 1963, my years at Cornell, and by the Gemini Project of 1964 – 67, when we lived in New Hampshire and Oregon. The Apollo years occurred during our days when I was with the National Institutes of Health. The politics of the moon race ended with my years in Amherst.

Over these periods, the nation’s discussions, about funds for science-in-general and for reaching and exploring the moon, have been instrumental in their effects on my own professional life. Discussions relating to the merits of basic and of applied research and development were important with respect to federal funds available for biochemistry and all the other competing “Big Science” endeavors demanding governmental support.

Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin may have touched down at Tranquility Base, but planet earth was far from tranquil. Perhaps more realistic words were to be found in that other moon-related quotation: “Houston, we’ve had a problem.” These words were heard around the world, as I discovered several years ago during a visit to Croatia! Grand Circle Travel, the agency we used for many of our foreign journeys, arranged for brief visits in local homes, often for a native dinner. The GCT also encouraged visitors to give a small gift to the host. We presented our Croatian farm family with a tea-towel from “Houston, Texas.” When their young son read the message, his spontaneous response was, “Houston, we have a problem.”

Although that particular problem was resolved and the Apollo flights were brought to successful conclusions, we have diminished our efforts to try to accomplish deeds that are “hard” and have avoided those in which the solutions are “not easy.”

It has been more than fifty years since a human walked on the moon, itself. There is a possibility that the next feet to touch its surface will be those from China, a nation which landed its own exploration vehicle on the lunar “dark side” on January 3, 2019, a year before we heard about that other “Chinese landing”; this time, one in the United States from a base in Wuhan, China, one which has led to worldwide chaos.

Meanwhile, we have looked into space, itself, and through eons of time, with both the Hubble and the James Webb telescopes. There are renewed discussions about another lunar voyage as well as one to Mars, a planet we’ve seen up-close through our own space satellites and electronic explorers.

We continue to engage in a “moon walk” in which only time will tell if we have been remaining in place, like a Michael Jackson dance-step, or entering a new adventure, one like Neil Armstrong’s step for man, leap for mankind.

Dated Memories

Most Americans, even those who are neither Christians nor “Nones” (and mark “None of the Above” when asked for a religious preference), associate December 25 with “Christmas.” An equal number probably recognizes that the “Fourth of July” is a national holiday, even if they don’t know it’s the date on which we celebrate the signing of our Declaration of Independence – whatever that is. A smaller percentage might link “December 7” with a foreign attack on Pearl Harbor and the resulting Second World War. On the other hand, the term “Nine-Eleven” is probably known by the highest percentage of Americans who have heard about that “second day of infamy” – without knowing anything about the one sixty years previously.

Have you ever noticed that for the first three events, we tend to vocalize the name of the month and the day on which the event occurred? Yet somehow, we usually omit the word “September” when we recall the day on which the continental United States, the “lower 48,” was attacked by aircraft under foreign control. Although some might inquire: “Where were you on September 11th?” – most people throughout our nation would ask: “Where were you on 9-11?”

What imagery do we impose by using these numbers for this horrible tragedy?

Do we associate them with the 9-1-1 we use to reach assistance when an emergency occurs? Are there those who, in their mind’s eye, see those twin towers we once beheld with pride in New York City – the Towers which stood as solidly as those parallel number ones? Do we prefer to recall “September” within the context of “September Song,” when the days “dwindle down to a precious few?”

In September of 2001, I was enjoying the beginning of my second year of retirement. My life was a very happy and contented one – a time without worries, a time when Karen and I were looking forward to resuming our foreign travel. In August, we had completed a cruise from Anchorage to Seattle. Although we had enjoyed our vacation in the Northwest, we longed to return to the land of castles and cathedrals. On the evening of September 10, we were looking forward to the celebration, on the next day, of the sixth birthday of our granddaughter, Christina.

The only nuisance in our lives on that particular Tuesday morning of Christina’s birthday, was a sink clogged by some indigestible vegetable peelings which necessitated our call for a plumber to do something with the drain. When he arrived, the first thing he asked was: “Did you see the TV of that plane crashing into the World Trade Center in New York? It’s all over the news.” We turned on our television. It remained on for most of the next several days.

The images we saw were totally unreal. There was a recycling of the video of American Flight 11 crashing into the North Tower shortly before 10:00 that morning. Surely this must be part of a horror-adventure movie being shown on early morning TV. But unlike the Orson Wells radio program of a previous decade, the words of this announcer were real; he was describing an event that was happening at that very moment.

As we watched, the image of another plane was being broadcast. United Flight 175 erupted in black smoke as it penetrated the North Tower. The plumber fixed our drain and left. Karen and I continued to be mesmerized as we saw the twin towers crumble, with agonizing slowness, enveloped with thick, roiling clouds. Only moments before, we had seen several people leaping from the windows. We saw the crowds streaming away from this site of total destruction. The two of us prayed for my cousin Donna who lived in an apartment building near 16th Street and Sixth Avenue, there in lower Manhattan, not far from where those images were originating, live.

The news coverage shifted to Washington, D.C. and scenes at the Pentagon where another plane had crashed. The newscasters tried to speak coherently about a fourth plane downed in a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Had it been headed for the White House, as some claimed?

Real-life was exceeding anything that could have been imagined in any grade C horror-adventure produced by Hollywood. We saw it. Our minds and souls did not readily accept what we were seeing. When telephone service was once more available throughout the country, we learned that Donna was safe in her apartment. Later she told us that the major change in her own life was her decision not to take a subway anywhere in the City; she now preferred aboveground buses and cabs.

Our house in Cypress, Texas, was on the flightpath for Houston Intercontinental. During the days following the tragedy, I sat on the swing I had placed on our back patio, over which I had devoted the loving care of a dedicated gardener. The trellis above my head still had its vines to block out the warm autumn sun. But there was an even greater blockage in my thoughts. As I sat there, pondering, I realized there were no sounds of airplanes arriving or leaving Houston’s major terminal. I found it was disturbing to hear “nothing.” Life, itself, had become muffled. The days passed and commercial flights were again allowed to fly over the United States. However, flights of fancy continued to be grounded. They no longer flew in happy memories which had become outdated by that one, infamous date: 9/11/2001.

Forgotten Memories

If you forget something, how can it still be a memory? Perhaps the term “half-remembered memory” would be more logical. Then again, is there really any greater “logic” about memories that are more completely remembered than others buried deeply within misty clouds?

What has prompted this strange reflection? The recollection of a railroad trip. It was a trip from someplace I really can’t recall to a destination about which I am equally unsure. The train-ride, itself, is the prompt for the memory.

It was a Pullman sleeping car. I remember that the facing seats I occupied when awake were somehow joined together to form a bed for the evening hours, thanks to the efforts of the attending porter. I don’t recall if the arrangement was part of a compartment. I seem to envision curtains separating the sleeping section from the aisle and another curtained sleeping area on the opposite side.

I remember watching the dark countryside and occasional bright streetlights passing by the window, and seeing the station platforms when the train stopped, and I pulled back the window curtain. So, it must not have been an upper berth I was using. On the other hand, I do not remember much more about the experience, itself. For instance, how did I change into pajamas before getting into bed? There must not have been any place to stand. Did I accomplish the task while sitting on the bed, itself? Getting dressed in the morning must have been very awkward.

And where was I going? And why? And where did I start?

I know I never road an overnight train between Ohio and Ithaca. I always drove the New York Throughway from one place to the other. Besides, why would I have been in a sleeping car if that had been the route for this excursion? It would have been much too short a journey for a sleeper.

I also know it was not for a trip between Oregon and Washington, D.C. I made my first airplane ride for that occasion. When we lived in the area of Bethesda, Maryland, and I worked for the federal government, all of my travel was out of the National Airport (now called the Reagan National Airport.)

Life in Amherst introduced me to Peter Pan, the bus system used throughout New England. I often rode with Tinker Bell to Bradley Field in Windsor Locks, Connecticut.

Logic would, therefore, suggest that my strange nighttime train was from Hanover, New Hampshire. Actually, it would have been White River Junction, which was the only place large enough to have public transportation out of the region.

My destination, tucked in some corner of my memory, might have been Louisville, Kentucky, the home of the University of Louisville School of Medicine. I vaguely recall I applied for a professional position there, near the completion of my postdoctoral work at Dartmouth Med. The results of the trip were so non-apparent that the surrounding events have made no permanent impact on my memory. In response to a job application, I probably gave a seminar presentation of my research, the usual requisite for an academic appointment at the time. No doubt the Biochemistry faculty in Louisville were unimpressed with whatever they heard and saw from me.

Getting a teaching position at the college level was not easy at the time. I really did not want to venture back to the Academic Auction block I had mounted when seeking that postdoctoral position at Dartmouth. Most opportunities resulted from word-of-mouth with friends and colleagues. Lucile Smith, my mentor at the time, favored my going to Amsterdam in The Netherlands, with her friend, E.C. (Bill) Slater, an internationally known biochemist. Karen and I thought a lot about the value of undertaking European postdoctoral research for my career development, but when I mentioned the possibility to my mother, she strongly suggested that her death would have been imminent, had I made that choice. In the long run, she found Oregon more acceptable, at 2500 miles, than The Netherlands, at 4000 miles.

So, we went to the Pacific Northwest for two years. The outcome of my life would have been very different if my employment locations had been different. The path from Ohio to New York, New Hampshire, Oregon, Washington, D.C., Amherst and, finally, Houston has been an exciting one. Perhaps, if the choices had been slightly different, I would have a deeper memory of that Pullman sleeper from somewhere to somewhere else. Instead, it remains a half-forgotten memory.

Captain Marvel and Friends

Since I mentioned, in A Bilious Time, that my two sons made fun of my lightening-shaped scar, resulting from compound surgery involving the removal of my gall bladder and appendix, with a reference to “Shazam” and Captain Marvel, it’s only reasonable I elaborate on my comic book hero of my childhood and young-teenage years.

Captain Marvel was my personal hero. I preferred him to either Batman or Superman, even if Superman’s real-life lawyers managed to get rid of Captain Marvel in a copyright infringement battle that ended in 1953, the year I graduated from high school.

After all, Captain Marvel’s alter-ego was Billy Batson, an orphan who was a preteen when he met the wizard Shazam, the one who enabled the boy to become the adult, red-costumed hero when Billy would shout out: “Shazam!” A bolt of lightning, as depicted on his uniform, would give him the wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury. It never bothered me how Solomon of the Hebrew scriptures became friends with all those Greek and Roman pagan gods.

I also was not concerned with how this young kid could be employed as a radiobroadcaster during the day. This employment was better than the one pursued by another orphan Billy had once saved, Freddy Freeman. This youngster was a crippled newsboy during the day and became the blue-suited Captain Marvel Junior when he, in turn, would cry out “Captain Marvel!” I was not sure what daily occupation kept Billy’s twin sister, Mary, employed before she became Mary Marvel in her fight against injustice. Although I enjoyed the adventures of all three characters, my favorite was Captain Marvel, himself. I was greatly disappointed, years later, when the movie version came out; CM was a completely different character. In fact, in the movie, “he” became a “she” as the hero turned into a heroine.

If I was not able to buy a ten-cent copy of Whiz comics featuring the red-suited, real Captain Marvel, I would settle for Superman or Batman, who – during the day – lived as either a newspaper reporter at The Daily Planet or a wealthy tycoon in Gotham City. If I wanted someone more realistic there was always Joe Palooka, the boxer who fought his own out-of-the-ring criminals. On the other hand, if I wanted age-appropriate characters, there were always Archie Andrews and his friends: Jughead, Betty and Veronica. Occasionally I would but a copy of the comics about the only true female hero (heroine) of the day: Wonder Woman.

As the years past and I matured from preteen to real-teen reading interests, I advanced to buying copies of Mad Magazine and Tales from the Crypt, which became popular in the early 1950’s. They, too, originally sold for ten cents an issue. I finally stopped buying Mad when the price became close to a dollar a copy.

I maintained my comic-book collection in “mint condition.” Unlike my friends, I would not share my own copies with other kids, because of a concern that these colorful objects would become tattered and torn. I stored them in a brown, wooden box in the back of my closet. They were safe there when I went off to college. But only on a temporary basis.

For some unknown reason, while I was away at Kent State, my mother threw all of them away! She, as had many other parents, thought that such materials were not only useless but probably “bad” for impressionable teens. Why should they continue to clutter up the back of my closet? Fortunately, I had retained the first two issues of Mad Magazine with me at college. They have continued to exist, for the last sixty-plus years, in the bottom of my current closet. They are still in mint condition.

Collectibles

What is the difference between a pack rat and a collector? Both are scavengers; both believe that what they gather is “pretty” or “useful.” My first collection was, as usual for preteens, comic books. That lasted until I left for college and their demise due to my mother’s cleaning up what I had left behind. Fortunately, she did not dispose of my stamp collection, my second attempt of gathering what might be “pretty” and even, at times, “useful.”

I collected both US stamps along with a “topical” collection of sports stamps, i.e., stamps from around the world that included athletics in their design. Although I still possess those sports stamps, I stopped adding to them when I left high school. I did continue to collect postage stamps issued by the United States.

My US albums, with unused or “mint” stamps, date back to 1924. However, my personal trips to the post-office for the earliest issues I have, began about 1950 when I entered high school and could easily walk between the two sites during my lunchtime break. Back then, regular stamps sold for a mere three-cents. I managed to stop by the post-offices in each town where I lived after that, even though it was difficult to find the time during my eight years of higher education. Nevertheless, I persisted. When we lived in New Hampshire, my collecting stamps became an excuse for Karen and me to go for drives up and down the Connecticut Valley. At that time, I was interested in collecting “plate blocks.”

Each pane of stamps had a unique number, a plate number, printed on one of the four corners of each “plate.” There might be as many as four or five different numbers for each design that was issued. As a result, there could be more than a dozen different combinations of plate number positions. Each post-office had different numbers for the panes it sold. The challenge was to purchase as many different plate blocks (consisting of four stamps adjoining the plate number) as I could possibly find.

This effort required that I had to travel to many post-offices in order to complete a set. It was a great excuse to drive to a different village in Vermont or New Hampshire to find the desired stamps and stop for a cup of coffee and a donut, as well. I finally gave up this addiction when the cost of a single stamp exceeded ten cents. By then, the price of trying to find each different plate block became as ridiculous as the idea, itself, of collecting plate block numbers. I sold my plate block collection to a shop which would pay me only face value for them. Stamp collecting is not a good method for long-term investments, no matter what philatelists say.

In fact, collecting as an investment strategy is probably not worthwhile for any of my so-called “collectibles.”

For a limited time, I collected porcelain plates with illustrations from a Chinese literary classic: The Dream of the Red Chamber. Currently on E-Bay they can be purchased at half the price I paid for them fifty years ago. My brief collections of other plates from the Bradford Exchange have probably not done any better. However, they “disappeared” over the years, although those of The Dream of the Red Chamber still occupy a dish-collection rack on one of our walls.

A much cuter collection than Chinese plates was that of Tom Clark gnomes. Each figurine was molded from a mixture of clay and ground-up pecan shells. Originally, Karen and I were interested in images connected in some way with an “edible” (such as oranges or potatoes) as part of the figurine. Each molding had a small gnome-like person along with representations of nuts and leaves. Somewhere on it, there would also be a replica of a half-hidden coin. A gift from our daughter initiated our collection. When we finally stopped actively adding to it, we gave her all of the figures we owned, except for a pair consisting of an old man and lady surrounded by peanut butter cups and Hershey kisses. We also could not part with a third piece: an elderly bride and groom we had added to celebrate our twenty-fifth anniversary.

Another of our collections was begun when we lived in New England and had ready access to antique sales. They were ink wells. When we began to tramp through outdoor stalls during an autumn visit to antique dealers, it was more fun to focus on a particular item for the search. Most of them are figurines concealing an ink jar somewhere in the design. The container for the ink may be in a gondola compartment of a Venetian boat or the hump of a camel. In another piece, a music-stand for a violinist hides the actual inkwell. Figures with hidden ink wells were more of a challenge to identify among all of the other non-opening images on display. It was a joy to discover a figurine that did open to reveal the hidden ink-jar. After we had moved from New England, we discovered that New Orleans had a particular role in providing additions to our collection. We finally discontinued our inkwell hunts when we moved on to our nativities collection.

Items for our major, ongoing collection have been purchased from all around the world, especially on our many visits to Europe. We enjoy finding nativities. The holy family comes in a variety of costumes and materials. There are olive-wood carvings from Israel and pine carvings from Germany. There are figures dressed in 18th century Austrian garb or South American ponchos. The creche, itself, might be a coconut from a Latin source, or a garish, multicolored church from Poland. Our curio cabinet holds over three-dozen representations of Mary, Joseph and Jesus along with accompanying sheep, shepherds and magi.

A pack rat might keep something shiny or soft. I prefer to believe that our keepsakes represent memories of places and events that brought us joy.

Lighters

I have commented elsewhere about my “Bad Habits,” including cigarette smoking, and my ultimately giving up this damaging habit. On the other hand, there is a related topic I would mention. This topic involves lighters, specifically cigarette lighters. They were once very popular gifts to buy for yourself or friends, almost all of whom were fellow smokers. They could also serve as “collectibles,” given the variety of possible designs they had.

One of the earliest markers of my adulthood was a thin, gold lighter, which was a surprise gift from my mother. It was her acknowledgment that she was on to me! She never approved of my smoking; it was my secret habit until sometime during my junior year in college. Of course, given the tobacco odor which infests all of the clothing of every smoker, my habit was not very secret. However, in the fifties and sixties, few recognized, or complained, about cigarette smoke. Second-hand inhalation existed only in the future. It was not until our daughter reached talking age that I heard complaints about cigarette smoke and had to roll down the car windows when she was being transported anywhere with me.

As for that golden lighter, it was probably preceded by the usual Zippo. That form of snap-topped lighter claimed to be wind-proof. Its manufacture dates to the mid-1930’s, about the time of my own birth. Zippos certainly became popular during the Second World War, no doubt because of the claim of their being wind-proof. It was during the First World War that the unlucky statement of “three on a match” became common. It was the belief that the third smoker lighting his cigarette from a singular wooden match would surely be shot and killed by an enemy sniper. Lighting a cigarette as quickly as possible, regardless of wind conditions, might be the difference between life and death.

My own Zippo was, no doubt, preceded by wooden matches. I can still recall the unique sulfur-phosphorus fragrance of a blown-out wooden match. Much of the time, I found it to be a comforting experience. Paper matches did not have the same association. Lighting them was a mere convenience, not a ritual in and of itself.

On the other hand, collecting matchbooks was a hobby for many young men. I was included in this group for several years during the sixties and seventies, when I kept matchbooks associated with a special memory of a place or event. It was not uncommon for a bachelor’s apartment to include a bowl of matchbooks, with or without matches attached to each cover. Nearby, would be a fist-sized cigarette lighter.

For decorative purposes, pocket-size Zippo lighters and matchbooks were insufficient. Every smoker owned at least one lighter built for placement on a coffee table, which also held an oversized ashtray or two. And yes, even if our daughter objected to the odor of cigarette smoke, she and many other young offspring formed an ashtray as an elementary school project. Often, they seemed to be in the shape of the child’s hand.

Throughout the years, Zippo lighters, which required almost weekly recharging with lighter fluid poured from a small can into the cotton-wad inside of the lighter, were replaced by disposable, butane lighters. These plastic lighters came in a spectrum of colors and designs. Few unwanted fires erupted from these pocket lighters as they jostled in a pants-pocket. This spontaneous result, however, has occurred in recent years, with the introduction of vaporized smoking and poorly designed e-cigarettes.

Obviously, back-in-the-day, lighting a cigarette required the use of a Zippo, or alternate brand, as well as wooden and paper matches. A fire for a wiener-roast picnic or for a backyard grill for hamburgers, could be started with them as well. It was best to have a very long wooden match in order to ignite either a grill or a fireplace. The user also had to be careful of the amount of auxiliary fluid-fuel added to the briquettes before the match was applied.

Of course, ancient man had flints and hard rocks to work with. I tried this procedure on very few accessions, with only a very limited success. Carefully blowing on a smoldering ember induced by a sparking flint did not yield reliable results. Young boys also learned about magnifying glasses. These optical instruments not only enlarged images; they could also start a leaf to burn. I consider myself to be lucky if I could get a crisp-edged hole in the ones I tried to ignite.

There were also candles. I have found their fires to be comforting and mesmerizing. I do miss not being able to light them in our apartment at Eagle’s Trace. Candles may be made with diverse fragrances; it’s not the same to spray a similar scent from a bottle. Non-ignitable infused sticks are the only sources of fragrance management allows.

Throughout the ages, humans have been awed by fires, especially those initiated by lightening strikes. The residents of our western states, today, find such fires to be awesome in very negative ways. When hundreds of forest fires and thousands of acres burn at the same time, great destruction occurs. The words of Smokey-the-Bear do not always have the result he describes.

Nevertheless, the death of individual humans, one at a time, can result from the striking of a flame – when its aim is to light a cigarette. I’m pleased I stopped doing that some twenty years ago. I really don’t miss my Zippo.

Communication

I refuse to be a number. Living in the retirement community of Eagle’s Trace I am supposed to give my ID number for each meal I consume in the café or restaurant. I have refused to memorize it. Fortunately, Karen and I eat together, and she gives both of our numbers to the cashier or to the inquiring member of the wait-staff. In the rare event that I eat alone, or pick up a carry-out meal, I show the cashier my community-issued resident’s tag. I’ve survived for fifteen years under these conditions.

Almost everyone is able to repeat his social security number on demand. I cannot. My refusal to be identified as a number has been consistent for eight decades. Reluctantly I remember the last four digits of my SS number, at least most of the time. However, I usually confirm my memory by glancing at the information card in my wallet; it has every number I need for modern living. No doubt it’s a good thing I was never part of the military, where I would have been forced to be known as a number. Perhaps this is the reason I have refused to become one. Human beings, whether or not they are civilians, should continue to be persons and not mere numbers.

Over the years this idiosyncrasy has expanded so that I fail to recall other so-called “important numbers” – such as telephone numbers. As I said, the information card in my wallet has every number I need for modern living. If I must give someone my telephone number, I often resort to confirming it from that ever-present card.

On the other hand, there is one telephone number I am sure about. It may be the only identification number I really remember. It is OL2-9758. That was the first telephone number assigned to my parent’s home phone when I was in my junior year in high school. That’s when my father finally allowed us to have a telephone in our house. Previously, I had the limited use of one for the few months we lived with relatives either in Mineral Ridge or “up-the-hill.” At other times, if my father had to make an important call, he would use the telephone owned by Mrs. Andrews, our landlady who lived next door to us on both Cedar Street and Seneca Street in Niles. Obviously, no one else in the family, that is, neither my mother nor I, ever had a need to make a telephone call to anyone.

However, when I was a junior in high school, my mother and I were, somehow, able to convince my father that a more direct access to a telephone might be needed – for homework, of course. And that was, actually, the only time I ever used it: to confirm a class assignment or to help another student who called me. This may be the reason why my personal, non-business telephone calls have always been limited. I never learned how to use a telephone for mere pleasure but only for required communication. When the line was finally installed, it had to be listed under my mother’s name, Victoria; my father did not want it known that he had direct access to a telephone. Strangers were not expected to call us. This was, of course, decades before the phenomenon of “robo-calls!”

I do remember that our telephone, with its “OLympic 2″ number, was the usual black, rotary instrument residing on its own personal, small table. Back then, this was the standard model; in fact it was the only model. Telephones, like the original model T Ford, were always black. It was also necessary to actually “dial” a telephone number. I’m not sure modern kids know how to use a rotary phone with a requirement that an index finger be inserted into the round opening on the dial, which was then turned clockwise to its stopped position and then released to complete the action. The sequence was repeated for each required number. It actually took time to dial someone’s number, even if it had only seven digits.

The first telephonic advancement arrived when black was no longer the only color. I remember a beige telephone my mother acquired sometime after I left home for college. At various intervals in my life, the black telephone of my youth was replaced by pale greens and whites (especially for the wall phone in the kitchen.) There may even have been a “Princess” model or two along the way.

The first “Princess” telephone had a rotary dial in the “handle” which was placed back on the cradle when it was not in use. At some point, the rotary dial was exchanged for one with pushbuttons, so that the instruction for reaching an “operator” became “press zero” instead of “dial zero.” Yes, back then if you had a problem or a question about a telephone number, a human “operator” was readily available to help out.

It was not until we moved to Houston in the late seventies that I saw my first “mobile” phone. A friend of ours had a new job selling these telephones you could use without them being connected by cords to telephone wires coming into your house (or business.) They looked like small shoeboxes, with an antenna protruding out of one end. I had my doubts, at the time, just how long this friend’s new career would last. After all, who would buy a “mobile” telephone – other than a doctor or someone who had to be aware of emergency conditions.

As the general public became interested in this new form of mobile communication, the instrument became smaller. The newer models looked like clamshells that folded in half to make them even smaller. The antenna disappeared. Next, the clamshell became an open-faced Apple cell phone. Each succeeding generation, with its increasing G number, offered more functions demanded for everyday life. Telephones used only for voice communication morphed into cameras and minicomputers. Dick Tracey’s wrist-radio became a reality, not as a mere radio, but as the basic requirement for an individual’s daily existence.

Once upon a time, if you saw someone talking to himself, that is without a visible companion nearby, you could be sure the muttering walker was insane, or on the verge of being in some fantasy world. Now, if someone is speaking loudly to an invisible companion, you can be positive he’s well into modern society with its 24/7 electronic communication with every person living on the planet – including the dinner companion sitting opposite. On the other hand, they both may be texting one another in order to keep their separate conversation private. It’s also possible that each one is communicating with someone who is not present across the table.

I said, at the outset, I refuse to become a mere number. I also refuse to be tethered to an object plugged into my ear (except for a hearing-aid, of course.) I do not own an iPhone, iPad or iPod. Someday I may need to purchase a smart-phone merely to exist in the modern world. The time is already here wherein a smart-phone is required to access electronic accounts.

Meanwhile, when I currently drive somewhere, I often carry an old clamshell which is never turned on unless I need to call someone or definitely know someone plans to call me. If you see my lips moving, you can be positive a live person is standing nearby.

Postscript: two years after writing these comments, I did purchase a smart phone! I do not engage with it to the extent made by my children and grandchildren, but I do agree it has its usefulness. Given my distaste for remembering numbers, the contact listing is helpful for the calls I make. I have also found it helpful in allowing me to participate in the daily liturgy-of-the-hours. However, I really have not been involved with game-playing. I refuse to photograph my food!

Things You Never See Today

Social media likes to provide checkoff lists. One I saw on a recent computer feed is entitled: “40 things your parent had in their house that you never see today!” First of all, I have a problem with “parent had in their house.” It’s more than the grammatical problem of using a singular noun with the plural possessive pronoun, “their.” Even though I usually object to this modern construction – which avoids the genderized possessives “his” or “her” as not being “inclusive” – my real problem is: who is the parent? I’m an octogenarian. Many of the items in that listing are still found in my own home as they were in the house of my long-deceased parents. It’s also true that my wife and I owned some of them at one time in our life, but no longer have them in our current, retirement apartment.

For instance, there was the “shag carpeting.” We had the off-green version in the family room of the first home we owned in Houston, more than thirty years ago. We finally had to replace it because it became infested with fleas from our elderly dog, Phoebe. When it became uncomfortable to watch them jump onto the ankles of visitors, the shag carpet was replaced with a room-sized, braided rug, one seldom found in a current family room. Of course, the shag carpet, as well as most of the other ones found in my parents’ house or in our own early apartments, was covered by throw rugs, especially in front of almost every upholstered chair or sofa. There might even be several covering the linoleum found on the kitchen floor. The linoleum was often accompanied by a vinyl tablecloth to protect the kitchen table.

Meanwhile, in our living room, we had a floral sofa, one which could readily seat four visitors. That social media listing included this piece of furniture as outdated. On the other hand, there was no mention of sofa covers, either cloth or plastic, like the ones on all of the stuffed furniture in my own parents’ livingroom. Since everything was supposed to last for decades, almost every place that one could touch had to be protected.

With or without slipcovers, a sofa or couch might have a crocheted blanket resting on it, since such decorations were found in every parent’s house. Today, the granny-square-blanket my mother made covers the back of the daybed in my own study. However, the many doilies she created have long disappeared from tables and armrests. These doilies served as the foundations for strangely contoured lamps with their linen shades, still covered with protective transparent sheaths of cellophane. I’m not sure if we ever had a lava lamp on one of them.

The furniture of my own parents’ house was usually of a nondescript, late-depression or World War II style. Without the protective covering, the stuffed pieces would have been uncomfortably scratchy. Our own furniture followed a “colonial” style – solid, heavy, dark wood – most of which came from the local Ethan Allen store, managed by a middle-easterner named Kamil Hassen! It was not until we had moved to Houston that I learned there was also “Spanish colonial furniture.” I’m also not sure if, during the early collegiate years of our marriage, we did – or did not – own a beanbag chair, another item said to be found in houses of that period.

Of course, every home had its own supply of knickknacks. My Aunt Mary’s house had a generous collection, one I vowed Karen and I would never accumulate. Of course, I was wrong. I’m sure that someday our own kids will require a large trash-container to accommodate those collectibles which are not passed on to the Eagle’s Trace “Treasure Chest” or to the local Goodwill store.

Since I have given up smoking, the ashtrays scattered throughout the house have vanished – except for a large one, containing paperclips and a souvenir cup, from San Francisco, crammed with pencils, that resides in my study. My hand-cranked pencil sharpener has been replaced with an electric one, albeit it is seldom used. The Rolodex has also been replaced with a computerized database used at Christmas time.

Tie-racks were not mentioned in the social media listing, although handkerchiefs were. I’ve not bought a new tie during the past twenty years following my retirement. On the other hand, I could not, recently, purchase a handkerchief in any Houston department store. A clerk I questioned said she had not had any other inquires for months. Fortunately, Amazon.com still sells them!

The use of smart phones accounts for the lack, in modern homes, of wall clocks and alarm clocks as well as answering machines, fax machines and, of course, rotary telephones. The modern home, according to that social media list, also has no encyclopedia. I doubt if there is even a dictionary in most of them! (We did give our Britannica to a local community college when we moved into our retirement community. A four-inch-thick volume of our Random House Dictionary still resides on top of my four-drawer, oak filing cabinet.)

Modern residences are also devoid of miscellaneous items such as trays displaying perfume bottles, jewelry boxes and vases with plastic flowers; our apartment still exhibits them. We are not supposed to have tucked away in closets and cabinets such items as V.S. video tapes, but we, ourselves, do. Not too long ago, I finally disposed of the turntable for my collection of seventy-eights, thirty-three-and-a-thirds, and forty-fives, along with all of our audio-cassette tapes. However, before getting rid of the original recordings, I did convert the music they held to a collection of CDs. At least, I did not have to copy any of the eight-tracks I once owned!

When we downsized upon moving to Eagle’s Trace, we also disposed of kitchen items identified in the social media list – things like a hand-mixer (we called it an eggbeater!), our teapots (along with accompanying tea balls), and our fondue pot, although I really enjoyed vegetables and bread cubes dipped in melted cheese. We kept the popup toaster but gave up the bread warmer-oven and our electric can-opener.

As part of our downsizing, we eliminated the dining room table and chairs but kept the hutch for storage of our never-used crystal and silverware. We agreed that the wedding China should now be used daily, rather than stored away, unseen. Most of the Melmac, along with diverse pots and pans, was given to young relatives. I doubt that any of our Pyrex kitchenware still exists.

If, like some of our newly retired friends, we had lived in one home for thirty or forty years, we would have had more to downsize, more to give to reluctant, but accepting, relatives. However, with our frequent moves during the first twenty-five years of our marriage, we maintained only the smaller furnishings that might have once been found in the home of our parents, defined by either a current or previous generation. It will be interesting to read a future listing of the possessions held by our grandchildren, that are no longer fashionable in the year 2050.

Clothing Drives

No one throws old clothes into the trash can. Instead, they are donated to a social service agency for use by some, unknown “deserving person.” A half century ago, my donations were made to the St Vincent de Paul Society, a missionary group which, no doubt, made sure the items were sent to poor people in China. Now days, we buy new clothes made by low-paid people in China!

Along that line, the first suit I remember buying, when I was a senior in high school, came from a different source. Back then, teenagers usually bought clothing either from Sears or Montgomery-Wards. I did neither. The first suit I owned was made by a tailor in Youngstown, Ohio. My mother knew this was the only option, if you wanted an outfit that would last. I remember riding the bus from Niles into Youngstown for several fittings and the final pickup. The suit was a brown one; it was double breasted. A couple of years later, it was replaced by a suit I really liked, one designed for a young collegian: charcoal-gray and single breasted. The shade was not really black, although this was its most apparent color; it had a grayish cast, not unlike the coating on a briquette found around the edge of a backyard grill. I wore that suit for years, as both an undergraduate and a postgraduate student.

The style of men’s clothing has changed only slightly over the years, unlike women’s fashions which change for every season. My charcoal-gray uniform could have been replaced, ultimately, by either a Nehru, or a Mao, jacket – depending upon whether you liked the twin breast-pockets of the latter jacket. Although my young adult friends wore them, I waited for the later versions called “leisure suits.” I owned two: one was powder blue; the other had a brown-checked pattern. I never felt casual enough to wear a leisure suit with flowery prints or other, gaudier, designs.

I also avoided bell-bottomed pants, although several pairs I owned did have more material than usually found in classical versions. Living in the northeast, I had no need for blue jeans or Levi’s – items more common in the western states, at the time. There were also khaki pants, which almost all the guys wore daily, along with a white T-shirt with a rolled up short sleeve wrapped around a pack of cigarettes.

Bermuda shorts were not worn often, although, during my undergraduate days in the fifties, the boys in Delta Tau Delta did wear them, with long black stockings, to proms. My own fraternity brothers would not be caught dead in such a silly outfit. For formal occasions, we wore white dinner jackets and long, black pants.

I never owned my own tuxedo but relied on rentals, even for the weddings, much later, of our three children. If I had known that these events would occur annually, I would have bought one earlier. It was not until friends invited us to a Beverly Hills wedding, where tuxes were mandatory for the three-day event, that I finally purchased a black, velvet-collared suit and a fancy dress-shirt as well as a brightly colored cummerbund and matching bow tie. By then, I had joined the faculty of Baylor College of Medicine, which held multiple, fund-raising events where such attire was required. If Jerry Lewis, Al Hurt or Princess Lilian of Belgium were in attendance, it would not be appropriate to wear an ordinary suit to a party at the Petroleum Club of Houston.

I recall other male fashion statements I encountered over the years. There was the period for turtleneck sweaters, which were not really sweaters but long-sleeve jerseys. True sweaters were either cardigans with long sleeves or vests without them. Of course, real suits always came with their own matching vests.

Although other men might have worn brightly colored suits, I stayed with the basic blacks, grays and blues. My only colors came in shirts, especially paisleys which are almost impossible to find today. For making fashion statements, men wore ties. Every few years they changed not only in color preferences and designs, but also in width. There were years when it was difficult to distinguish a tie from a small bib. Other years they narrowed down to less than two inches across. These were usually rep ties with stripes of every conceivable color-combination.

The ultimate decision about ties, however, was not determining their width and length but rather what kind of knot to use. I learned how to obtain a perfect Windsor knot from a very unlikely source: Carl Oglesby, a college roommate who later became a leader within the Students for a Democratic Society, a radical, left-leaning, political-action group.

There also came a time, for some guys, that the concept of a “tie” was associated not with a piece of cloth around the neck, but with splashed colors resulting from the tie-dyed process for decorating T-shirts and other wearing apparel. I, myself, never wore a tie-died T-shirt. I grew up with ones that were always white. It was only in the last decades that I have turned to colored Tees.

The only fad I wore was a caftan, a blue and white paisley-patterned robe long enough to touch my feet. It was very comfortable leisure attire for a cold New England winter. Karen made it. She also created another outfit I made use of by our backyard pool. She sewed together two large Turkish towels, except for holes for my head and arms. It was great to wear while drying off and lounging near the pool on a cool day in September.

In the current decade, my wardrobe has grown more consolidated, although I should still give away seldom-used clothing. Over the years, the Goodwill Society replaced St Vincent de Paul as a donation repository. When we moved to Houston, it became NAM, the Northwest Assistance Ministry. It seems that the recipients of disposables have changed, over the last seventy years, from the “poor Chinese” to our own poor and then, to those with low-paying jobs in own neighborhoods. Now with increased unemployment and economic problems resulting from the coronavirus pandemic, donations remain closer to home. We continue to avoid tossing hand-me-downs into the trash can. Everything still has a useful life, even our clothing.

Being Malled

When I was young, my shopping experience centered on McKelvey’s Department Store in Youngstown, Ohio. Of course, there was also a department store in Niles. It may have been called Leopold’s, but I’m not sure. I do remember the network of money-carriers strung along its ceiling. When I made a purchase, the clerk would put my cash in a very small box attached to the wire network above my head. Suddenly, the box would zoom off to the central cashier’s office and, a few minutes later, would return with any change left over from the transaction I had made. When I was six years’ old, this was a magical experience. As a teenager, it was no longer impressive. By then, I had shifted my buying site from Leopold’s to McKelvey’s, which did not have the wire-box network. It did have pneumatic tubes! The only place this system might be found in today’s world is at a bank drive-through, but now the distance traveled within the whooshing tube is much shorter than it was at McKelvey’s.

Back in the late fifty’s, McKelvey’s was a major place for shopping. There were six floors, with different merchandise sold on each one. Leopold’s had only two floors. McKelvey’s even had an escalator between the first and second floors. For many years, an elevator, with its own operator, was needed to go to the higher levels.

It was a once-a-month adventure to shop at McKelvey’s in downtown Youngstown. When I was a teenager, a McKelvey’s branch store became the anchor for the newly erected Eastgate Mall between Niles and Youngstown. Bus travel to the McKinley Heights area, where Eastgate was located, was much faster than going all the way into Youngstown to shop. While I was away at college in Kent and later, in Ithaca, my mother worked in the cashier’s office at the Eastgate McKelvey’s. Her major daily complaint was how dirty her hands became because of handling all of that cash. Evidently, it’s true: money is dirty.

I do not recall any malls being located in either Kent or Ithaca. This memory may be due to my lack of funds for shopping at them, even if they did exist. There was also no need to use them for the other major reason for their existence: a place of social gathering. In the fifties and sixties, when shopping malls grew as fast as mushrooms, teenagers and young adults made them the primary sites for gathering every evening. The arcades within the covered malls provided places for them to window shop. The open courts made excellent locations to see others and, more important, to be seen by others. Teens gathered in groups to roam the malls and sit at tables to drink coffee and cokes. The equivalent place for me was, of course, The Hub at Kent State and The Ivy Room at Cornell, where students gathered between classes.

As the years passed, social gatherings changed, for Karen and me, from student union buildings to shopping malls, but this transition took a longer time than might be the case for other young couples. Being college towns, both Hanover, New Hampshire, and Corvallis, Oregon, had limited need for shopping malls for social gathering. I do not recall any for shopping, which was conducted at downtown stores in both cities.

Amherst, a quintessential college town, did not see the need for a shopping center and refused to allow one to be built within its corporate limits. However, the nearby town of Hadley had a different economic view and authorized the construction of one on the border between Hadley and Amherst. As a result, Hadley received the tax benefits and Amherst suffered the traffic snarls. For true shopping, Karen and I would make a significant journey to the Springfield Mall, an hour’s drive south of Amherst. The trek was usually associated with a visit to the orthodontist Deb saw once a month. She may not have enjoyed the outing as much as her brothers did, especially if an ice cream cone was part of the adventure.

The first major shopping center, the first true Mall, that I can recall is Westfield Mall in Wheaton Maryland. Karen and I went there almost every Saturday afternoon, to look and, sometimes, to shop. It was an inexpensive place to spend an hour or two with the kids. They could wander around, always in sight, of course, and do their own, if limited, investigations of seeing and being seen.

Our own time for significant mall-walking did not occur until we moved to Houston, more than forty years ago, when malls were in their heyday. Greenspoint Mall became the place for a weekly visit. The stores and food court were well attended for purchases of necessities and of snacks to eat while looking. We finally stopped going there when the socioeconomic environment started to slide in the Greenspoint area.

We then made Willowbrook Mall the site of our destinations for a weekend drive. The food court often became the place for a Saturday lunch. We finally learned in which arms of the sprawling complex our favorite shops were located and could browse through them without needing to expend extra effort finding them. By now, the kids seldom went with us; they had their own social needs and arrangements. Karen and I merely enjoyed each other’s company for a free hour of wandering.

We continued the endeavor even more so after we moved from the FM 1960 area to Cypress. The drive-time may have been about the same from Longwood as it had been from Ponderosa Forest. The destination was satisfactory for the effort.

Occasionally, we would visit a factory-outlet shopping center. A mall, usually, is a covered, air-conditioned place for casual walking and shopping in comfort, far removed from Houston’s humidity. However, some shoppers who desire bargains are willing to do so outside, although I prefer to attempt this only in early spring or late fall.

We have enjoyed an occasional visit to a shopping center in a foreign country. I was amused to see how international US commerce really is. A walk through a mall in Edinburgh did not differ from one in Germany. The accents and languages we heard may have been unlike ones we encountered in Houston, but the names of the stores and fast-food shops remained well-known. It was difficult to determine exactly where we might be in the world. It was, also, then that I realized covered shopping sites might not have been the invention of American commerce. A glass-covered Galleria in Florence, Milan or Moscow may be a prelude to the one found in west Houston.

Fifteen years ago, with our move to Eagle’s Trace and west Houston, our venues expanded to include First Colony, Memorial City, and Katy Mills, where we learned to look alternately into shops on both sides of the arcade rather than viewing each side independently as we made our way around the newer-designed circle of stores. We continued to enjoy the exercise of walking and its counterbalance of eating snack food as a reward.

Then came 2019. The coronavirus not only attacked people; it also devastated the world’s economy. It may be contributing to the demise of the shopping center, itself. Karen and I have not been in a mall since February 2019. The Christmas shopping displays for 2018 are the last ones I’ve seen in person. Amazon-dotcom has replaced every store which I formerly frequented. This may be equally true for a high majority of US shoppers.

Recent news articles have indicated that a third of the J.C. Penney and Macy stores have been closed in the last five years. Almost all of those owned by Sears or Lord & Taylor have gone out of business. About half of the remaining 1,600 mall-based locations are expected to shutter by 2025.

My comments about my own experience of wandering through malls for both window shopping and real shopping, as well as for pleasure and exercise, may ultimately become a personal history no longer directly relevant to any who read these recollections. It would, indeed, be ironic if the Mall of the Americas in Bloomington Minnesota becomes a site to be visited as tourists currently view the Colosseum in Rome.

Made for Walkin’

Back in 1966, Nancy Sinatra was known for a ballad entitled: These Boots Were Made for Walkin’. I never owned boots made for walking, but my legs were. I had to walk everywhere I wanted to go. My father believed it was unnecessary to own a car. He walked everywhere he had to go and thought his family should, too. Fortunately, on weekends Uncle Bill Moransky or Uncle Frank Borecki would take their own families and us for a drive in the country or to visit other relatives. If my father wanted to gamble at cards, he would be driven to the game by his friend, Ed Shoebel. It wasn’t until I had planned to attend graduate school in another state that he agreed I needed a car. While living in Niles, my high school was only 0.9 mile from my home, and my grandmother’s home was the same distance in the opposite direction. It took only twenty to thirty minutes to make the journey on foot, depending upon weather conditions.

During the winter months I did wear boots, although not the kind Nancy sang about. Mine were rubber galoshes worn over regular shoes. It was a challenge to snap the metal toggles together so that my pant legs were securely wrapped for the journey through the sludge of winter in northern Ohio. With the spring mud, the galoshes were replaced by rubber overshoes that felt as if I were walking with lead-weights on my feet. During the limited months of early fall and late spring, walking was temporarily replaced by bike-riding. I preferred the more rapid journey afforded while sitting down to the pace of leg movement while standing up. Nevertheless, both biking and striding offered time for a wandering mind as well as a wandering body.

My continuing life in college towns of limited size allowed for more opportunities for walking. My home was usually located about a half-hour walk from where my classes occurred. However, proper scheduling was required to minimize cross-campus dashes. The crisscrossing paths were efficiently designed, in contrast to the slowly moving campus shuttle system with its over-packed minibuses. Cars were used only when they were needed for transporting packages, especially weekly groceries. This necessity, however, seemed to increase with the passing years and our move to Houston with its suburban sprawl. Now, walking was associated with the pleasures of sightseeing rather than with the necessities of life.

Neighborhood walks, especially in the cool of early evening, were pleasant ways to dissolve the stresses from my daily interactions with demanding faculty members. A community golf course, after the players had left for the day, could serve as a calm oasis for a quiet stroll.

Domestic and foreign travel destinations for vacations offered even better opportunities for my wandering body and soul. The grounds of an Ignatian Retreat Center provided the best location for my physical and spiritual renewal. Not far behind, were cemeteries in Prague or in towns in Italy and England. Narrow, cobbled streets with quaint shops and houses afforded quiet resources for contemplation as I passed along them. A wandering walk could be readily interrupted by a bench near a plaza, where people-watching would replace the desire to see delightful carvings hidden on the facades of the ancient buildings surrounding me. I enjoyed my attempts to compare the faces of the statues with those of the town’s current residents and see that only their garments had really changed, and not always for the better.

In between vacation times, with its opportunities for strolling through history, Karen and I would engage in mall-walking, a variation of that ancient custom of rambling through market squares in European villages. Air-conditioned sites are Houstonian replacements for the breezes found in plazas, especially if there is a food-court selling Cinnabons.

During our first forty years in Texas, we spent many pleasant hours wandering through Greenspoint, Willowbrook and Memorial City as well as among the crowded streets of Old Town Spring. For special times, we would travel to San Antonio and immerse ourselves in the events found along River Walk. Just as we avoided central London, or other major cities, during our foreign travels, we did not engage in the modern wonders of Bayou Place, Houston Center or Discovery Green, although the Museum District did become a beacon for special weekend stacations. We continued our wanderings until a multi-knobbed virus came to the United States and decided to remain for an undetermined period.

Yes, social distancing arrived as a modern way of life. It became the beginning of the end of my days of walking for any distance whatsoever. The epidemic began during the early years of my ninth decade, a time which may, by itself, have impacted on my ability to enjoy walking for pleasure.

When we first moved to Eagle’s Trace, I often walked around the new, undeveloped campus. Although the desire remains, the reality has changed dramatically. I once could readily engage in wandering outside for an hour; now I am challenged to move, in a reasonable time, to the garden near the lake. I prefer to sit where I am, for as long as I might, to the effort of moving from place to place. I have found there is an advantage in taking a “walker” with me; it allows me to sit where and when I want to rest and look.

I also recall how much I enjoyed mall-walking with Karen, even without stopping for coffee and a Cinnabon. We have not mall-walked during the last two years. I cannot remember when I last visited Old Town Spring or River Walk.

Last week our daughter and her husband returned from a ten-day vacation in Amherst and New England along with days in New York City and Washington, D.C. In one of her Facebook reports, she wrote that her Fit-Bit had recorded nine miles for a day in D.C. I found my envy was very high. A few weeks ago, one of our sons moved with his family from Houston to Gadsen, Alabama and a house on a lake. He has taken us on a cellphone tour of his new home, one which we will probably never see in person. His daughter, our granddaughter, has recently moved to San Francisco where she gave birth to a great-grandson, one we hope to meet when they visit Houston for one of the winter holidays.

I admit I am sad when I think about my desire to travel, to walk new and old paths once again, and then realize that such events are unlikely to occur. I remain very pleased to have the memories, both in my mind and in physical records, of those magnificent journeys we once made. We are fortunate to have had a wandering life that has taken us to live around the country and to visit around the world.

Indeed, my legs, once made for walkin’, no longer allow for that process. Those boots worn by Nancy Sinatra may have been given the boot. On the other hand … or foot, as the case may be … perhaps it’s time for my own life to be re-booted, to see what the next cycle holds.

Exercise

Exercise is another name for a love-hate relationship. If you’re like me, you can love when it ends, and hate when it starts. I greatly prefer leaving the exercise room than approaching it. I find it’s really not a matter of loving the results and hating the process. For me, it’s a matter of time. I dislike setting aside the hour, three mornings a week, for moving while staying in place. It seems nothing is being accomplished. The process is a waste of time.

On the other hand, I do tell myself: I know there’s a long-term benefit. My leg muscles are surely being strengthened by the push-and-pull efforts on the machines I endure. Who knows, as the result of my exercising, the knee pain may vanish in the not-too-distant future. I tell myself things will be different; events will return to normal.

After all, my left knee doesn’t hurt when I stand or sit, but only when I walk – when the joint must be moved, ever so slightly. I also acknowledge the pain, itself, is not all-that-bad, perhaps a mere “two” or “three” on that mythical rating scale which goes to ten, a value reserved for ultimate torture by the Taliban. So why do it?

Why, a month-and-a-half ago, did I restart this discipline?

Discipline. That, too, is what exercise requires. A daily habit. A method for improvement which comes only from constant repetition. Like learning how to play a piano. Or how to live a righteous life. That’s really what being a disciple means: to live out the same life as the Master one follows. I know this theologically. Christ said to Andrew and James, as well as to his other friends, “Come, follow me. See where I live. Do what I do, if you are to be one of my disciples.” Yes, a discipleship is more than mere learning. It’s experiencing. It is doing. It is “changing” as a result of the experience and the action being undertaken. The Greeks called it metanoia – a change of mind, a change of heart. I call it exercise.

I’m not alone in that viewpoint. Ignatius of Loyola, after his own experience of encountering the Divine, designed his “spiritual exercises” to help his companions change and to become someone for the “greater glory of God.” I think I prefer his exercises to the ones I do in the first-floor exercise room at Eagle’s Trace.

Actually, I do his spiritual exercises more frequently than I do my physical ones. For almost forty years I’ve been following the Ignatian experience of prayerful meditation offered through my daily practice of reading the Liturgical Hours. Thus far, I’ve put in, endured, a mere total of forty hours for my physical knee bending in comparison with some four decades for spiritual genuflection.

I’ve done this physical knee bending before. This is not the first time I’ve engaged in the love-hate relationship of a workout in a gym. In my mid-forties, that time of mid-life crisis examined by Dante in his Divine Comedy, I stopped off at the local Nautilus on my way home from work, three evenings a week. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday (or almost every one of them) I spent an hour on a dozen torture racks designed by the Nautilus equipment company. They still manufacture workout equipment but the current locations for the communal use of their product appears to be dominated by LA Fitness. Back then it was Nautilus.

However, I admit my preference was not for the machines designed for leg-arm-chest-back improvement, but rather, the availability, afterwards, of the dry sauna and the bubbling hot tub. I could enjoy using them seven days a week, instead of merely three – the number of actual days I chose, in the belief that a “recovery” day was necessary between the ones required for the destruction of my muscles.

My physiology textbooks had once informed me that the building of new muscle fibers occurred during these rest-times between their breakdowns. I have firmly believed this observation and have refused to pursue a seven-day workout to rebuild my knees, even though there are some friends who maintain I should exercise seven days a week.

If exercise were not a love-hate relationship, I might be more open to a reconsideration of the recovery time needed for the reconstruction of the protein fibers in the muscles I use for voluntary movement. Fortunately, cardiac muscle fibers are different from those found in either voluntary or involuntary muscles; they don’t need a downtime. It is toward the build-up of the voluntary muscles in my legs that I volunteer the time needed for them to be improved.

I have no intention to be like one of my grandsons (Thomas) who is a bodybuilder and has, with training, curvature and definition to spare. I’m willing to devote only a limited time, some three hours a week, toward this activity.

To minimize the amount of time I might “waste” during this process, I have taken to reading from my Kindle while pedaling a cross-trainer. My current book is one written by N. T. Wright, an Episcopalian bishop and theologian, entitled: God and the Pandemic: A Christian Reflection on the Coronavirus and its Aftermath.

It seems it is, after all, possible to engage in physical and spiritual exercise at the same moment. Perhaps the basic question remains on many levels: when can I truly expect that a positive change will occur, that events will return to normal, that my pain (physical, spiritual and emotional) will pass away, that life will be as it was before? Or does life exist, as does exercise, in a love-hate relationship? A relationship which must be endured until metanoia has finally been accomplished.

Riding a Bike

The old adage says: “It’s like riding a bike.” The implication is that once you’ve learned to do something, it’s unlikely you will forget how to do it. Some might call this an example of muscle-memory. Others relate the behavior to “practice makes perfect.”

I disagree. Given sufficient time, it’s very possible to fall off a bike while attempting to ride it. I discovered this truth several times over the last decade. I have no desire to try it again.

There was a time when I really enjoyed riding a bike. I rode a lot when I was young. It began, as I’ve written elsewhere in these reflections, when I rode a bike to Washington Junior High School, which was much harder to do going up in the morning than coasting back down in the afternoon. This means of travel continued during my brief life in the country, when I peddled from my grandmother’s farm to Mineral Ridge High School. Without a family car, bike-riding was also the only means of locomotion between my house and Niles McKinley high school. The journey took longer during the snow months of winter and the rain of early spring. It was more pleasant to bum a ride from either George Davies or Paul Collins, friends who drove jalopies, which moved faster and were more weather-comfortable than any standard bicycle.

Many college kids seemed to own bicycles, but this was not true for Kent State, a commuter college. Students had cars for daily travel from Cleveland, Akron and Youngstown, or from the many small towns surrounding them. Students living on campus or in the city of Kent, itself, were content to walk, not only to their classes, but to all the other events they attended. Some may have had bicycles, but I fail to remember them. This was not the case for either Cornell, as a graduate student, or Dartmouth or Oregon State where I held postdoctoral appointments. When it did not snow in Hanover, or rain in Corvallis, I was able to peddle a vehicle that had three gears, having given up the balloon-tired machine of my youth. Both the Connecticut and the Willamette valleys had flat terrains. Cars were needed only for trips into New England’s rolling hills and Oregon’s pine-covered mountains – or for in-town shopping to purchase items that would not fit into the basket attached to a bike’s handlebars.

When we moved to Bethesda and Rockville Maryland, my bike went into storage. At least I think that is the case. However, I do have memories, which may be false ones, of riding a bike through Rock Creek Park and around Georgetown and the Mall. This phantom recollection is also true for Houston, Texas.

I have distinct memories of riding past new homes in Ponderosa Forest and Cypress Creek, suburbs where we lived. When we moved to Cypress, I seem to see myself covering the winding roads of Longwood and, after hours, the golf paths of the local country club, whose rules forbid such action. Nevertheless, I was not beyond trespassing after sunset, when the golf-carts had been parked for the night.

Those were the days when my body was still capable of muscle memory and balancing was not a significant problem. In fact, I continued to feel comfortable making my journeys without a helmet or other protective gear.

During my annual retreats to Grand Coteau, Louisiana, I used loaner-bikes maintained by the Jesuit House where I stayed. The vehicles were old, but I could usually find one with tires that would maintain an acceptable pressure for several hours after I had pumped more air into them. The handlebar basket was large enough to carry a bible, a notebook for journaling, and a small blanket for sitting on during my reflections.

The paved and unpaved roads around the grounds and throughout the village were peaceful and conducive for meditation while in transit to sites where I might stop to contemplate God and His surrounding nature. The sun’s warmth, the slight breeze from my movement, and the patterns of shade and sunlight resulting from the old pecan and live oak trees along the roads, gave a special wonder to my excursions. When needed, it was easy enough to walk a bike across the fields to get to the open-walled summer house above the banks which once enclosed the Mississippi River. As a result of such interludes, I have associated bike-riding with peace and a quiet time for personal reflections.

Then came retirement. I gave up my bike which I rode around Cypress and turned to walking the grounds at Eagle’s Trace. This may be the time when I forgot how to ride a bike. I made this discovery on several vacation trips to Europe, where the majority of its residents travel everywhere on two-wheeled vehicles, either Vespas or bicycles. I never tried the motorized two-wheeler, but hotels usually made the self-propelled ones available for hourly rentals to residents. I could not resist, especially when spending a few days in small towns in Italy. The only problem was that European bikes have only handbrakes. You could not stop by merely pressing backwards on the pedals.

I learned the hard way. With adroit steering I did manage to avoid hitting pedestrians strolling the town’s plazas. Upon attempting to stop, I fell over only a few times before learning how to use the brakes mounted on the handlebars. It was easier when visiting quiet cemeteries found in each town. Then I could aim toward the side of the path and slow down enough so I could use my feet to catch the bike before I fell off.

Although riding a bike may be a lifelong ability, stopping one is not.

Come September

It’s September and time for kids to return to school. It’s the beginning of a new year. In fact, for most of my life, the true year began on September 1, not January 1. My calendar-year finally reverted when I retired and no longer associated my life with academics.

On the other hand, the years of COVID-19 differed from those of the past. Even after the spread of this coronavirus became less serious, the question of a classroom versus electronic alternates continued as an ongoing academic concern. When September arrives, it has become difficult to define what is meant by “going back to school.”

The quandary comes, in part, from whether school is a place or an event. Like a circus. Must a circus occur in a tent or can the spectacle be encountered in any place where clowns, aerial-acrobats and elephants abound? Yet, a modern circus no longer can exhibit elephants on parade. Perhaps, desks and blackboards, or even whiteboards, are no longer required for “going back to school.” In fact, the three-ring circus tent of the past seldom can be found today. The circus tent which was a significant location for socialization has become obsolete. There are those who, believing a physical classroom is required for socialization, expect that real schools will not go the way of the circus tent.

Do you remember when desks were the essential symbols for a real schoolroom? When I was in school, the placement of student desks would not accommodate today’s requirement for social distancing. In both elementary and high school, desks for pupils were anchored to the floor in long rows separated by very narrow aisles. The seat in front of you was part of your own desk. Your own seat was only inches away from your desktop. Thank goodness that, back then, few students were “overweight.” Heaven help the ones who might be pudgy! Slipping into their seats could require some wriggling before any comfort could be obtained for the next hour.

The school desk back then had a unique shape, especially in the elementary years. The desktop was tilted and had a hole in the corner. The tilt might have been only a few degrees, perhaps ten or fifteen. It was, nevertheless, one that would make it easy for anything other than a heavy, immobile book to slide onto the floor.

I’m not sure why the top of each student’s own desk required being tilted. Perhaps, it was to keep the book you were reading at an appropriate angle, so you would not slouch until the teacher called on you for a response you really did not want to make. The incline, however, did make taking a nap, with your head on your desk, a bit more comfortable.

The desktop was hinged to allow for storage of your school supplies. All of the books you had to read were kept there, when they were not in use. In fact, this was a storage place for just about everything. There was no need for backpacks for lugging or storing items you might need during the day. There was even an adjoining, walk-in storage room for hanging wet coats and for drying boots that were worn on bad-weather days which, in Ohio, occurred almost daily from November through April. Individual lockers were not available until you entered junior high school.

An interesting feature of the student desks for the elementary years was the hole in the extremely narrow flat board on the upper edge of the lid. Most of the time it was merely a hole, an easy place to drop a hard, red rubber eraser or a hastily discarded wad of paper which could have been a secret note from the student across the aisle or the remains of a missile not yet tossed, because the teacher continued looking directly at you for the entire lesson.

Of course, the real purpose of the hole in your desktop was to serve as a repository for a small bottle of black ink. Although first graders possessed lead pencils a half-inch in diameter and, later, a yellow, number two pencil, there came a time, usually in the second grade, when pupils had to learn the mystery of ink and pens. The bottle of ink was quite small. It had a narrow top with a cork stopper. The size of the bottle and its opening were limited in order to avoid too great a mishap when the bottle was not in its hole. Of course, that rarely happened. Girls with pigtails had them dipped in inkwells only in Little Rascals movies seen on Saturday mornings and not during the real life encountered from eight to three, Monday through Friday.

On the other hand, students in classrooms several decades ago did need to be careful not to leak ink onto everything around them. Now, when students return to school, they seldom worry about leaky pens. Instead, their pockets bulge with electronic substitutes. Smart-phones don’t leak, but they do require the use of two opposable thumbs rather than one thumb and two, ink-stained fingers.

Pen & Ink

There was a time, decades ago, when students in elementary school had to be taught how to use a pen and ink, the latter of which came in a separate bottle. The pen, itself, had a nib, a metal point with a slit from its tip to a very small hole halfway up its rounded surface. The nib was attached to the staff of the pen, itself, which resembled a tapered pencil with a cork tip into which the nib was inserted. The trick was to dip the nib into the bottle of ink without getting any liquid on the cork surface and yet obtain enough to be held, by capillary action, in the nib’s hole and slit. This preliminary action began the final performance of transferring the ink to a sheet of paper, using the appropriate hand and finger movements.

In the beginning, there was a lot of practice making ovals and slash-marks on lined paper, which seemed to prefer spreading the ink within its fibers rather than on top of them where it belonged. In the process of nib-dipping, care had to be taken to touch the point to the side of the bottle to remove any excess fluid. A piece of soft flannel was often at hand to be used for any additional mop-up required when excess ink remained trapped on the nib or deposited in the wrong place, usually on index fingers or in the middle of the page you were working on.

The nascent writer had to learn to feel the correct pressure to use during the transfer. The touch should not too heavy, otherwise the pressure would spread apart the fluid-containing slit and damage the nib, itself. The flow had to be continuous. This may be the reason why the use of ink was deferred until the transition from printed, block letters to cursive writing had occurred. Once that skill of the proper pressure was developed, the student would be able to move from a quill-like writing instrument to a real fountain pen.

The fountain pen was the sign of literate maturity. You could be trusted not to ruin the point; this guaranteed the pen would last for many years. A new trick had to be learned as well: how to draw ink into the pen without getting the liquid over every surrounding surface.

There were pens with different designs for the required pumping to fill them. Many had levers on the side. Some had built-in pumps accessed by repeated twisting the upper end of the fountain pen. Others had screw-tops which allowed for the compression of metal strips that expelled air and permitted the ink to be drawn into the reservoir. It was always fun to watch the bubbles form in the ink bottle and see how many times you had to repeat the pumping before the pen was loaded with ink.

Of course, fountain pens had screwcaps which protected the nib and, hopefully, kept the ink from staining the pocket into which the instrument had been placed, awaiting its next usage. Frequently, this protective measure did not work. Male adults often had pocket-protectors for carrying their pens.

Later advances did not really help. An early attempt tried to replace the original fountain pen with ones containing disposable cartridges. When exchanging an empty ink cartridge for a new one, the attempt to puncture the end of the refill could be a daunting task. Then came the ballpoint pen with a semisolid form of ink. Much of the time, the ballpoint was equally messy when it was returned to a shirt pocket. On the other hand, those which seldom leaked, seldom deposited any distinguishable marks on paper when they were supposed to.

Originally individuals could choose bottles of either black or navy-blue ink. Few were satisfied with the sepia or brown ink which was the color found on ancient manuscripts. Occasionally, the adventurous writer might use red ink, but that was usually the choice for grading papers or bookkeeping. It was only with the advent of gel-filled ballpoint pens that a spectrum of colors became available. They might be part of the equipment for young teenagers. However, given the ubiquitous use of cellphones for texting, it’s unlikely that any of them use pen and ink any more for anything, even artwork. It’s also highly unlikely that any of them know how to write with cursive letters, let alone be able to read them. Practice making O’s and /’s is no longer a requirement for becoming literate. Being aware of which strokes go below the line is of little concern when forming block letters while “penning” a short note.

“Hi, Grandpa!”

“Hi, Grandpa, how are you?” the young, male voice on the telephone asked. “I’m fine. Who’s this?” I replied. “It’s your grandson.” “Which one?” I inquired. “Your favorite one,” the young man responded, somewhere between a laugh and a sound of being misunderstood. “And I need your help,” he went on. “Oh, what is it?” I asked.

“Well, there’s been an auto-accident. I’m ok, but my throat hurts. That’s why I sound different.” “What happened?” I inquired, more neutrally than I might have sounded at another time. “I’m out-of-town,” he went on, “and I ran into a problem.”

“Oh, I thought you were back,” I said, remembering a recent Facebook report my grandson, Jordan, had posted about his going out-of-town to buy plumbing supplies. He’s a plumber in College Station and had reported that he and a friend had just returned from such a trip.

“Yeh,” he agreed, “but I had to leave again to attend a friend’s funeral. She died of cancer. And on the way, I had a car accident. That’s why I’m calling. I didn’t want Dad to know I was in trouble, but I do need some financial help to pay the fine and get the car repaired.”

“Who’s on the line?” Karen interjected, having heard my side of a puzzling conversation. “Oh I’m on the phone with some young guy who’s pretending to be my grandson and wants some money,” I responded to her in a normal voice.

The telephone line suddenly went dead. “Oh, I guess he hung up. Just when I was having some fun talking with him,” I said reluctantly. Yes, if I have the time and am not involved in a more important project, I do enjoy talking with someone who is trying so hard to get funds out of the “grandparent scam.”

I had known almost immediately the young caller was not one of my six grandsons. They all have the same father and, quite remarkably, sound exactly like him. Their voices have the same rhythms and vocal inflections. I find it almost impossible to determine who is the one calling. Sometimes the content helps, but I always need to confirm who it is, before I continue too far into a potentially “wrong” conversation.

This similarity is a weird phenomenon. In other ways, each of the boys differs from our son, Ken, but somehow, over the years, his speech pattern has become replicated by each one of his own sons. On the other hand, I don’t think that either Ken or his younger brother, Chris, sound anything like I do. Perhaps, over the years, Ken’s sons listened more closely to their dad than he did to me.

However, I am fortunate that the older grandsons do initiate telephone calls from time to time. And they are usually not about needing money, although we have sometimes discussed their need for an allotment from the educational trust fund I established for each one when they were born. I began setting aside these funds long before I realized I would have eleven grandchildren!

Their calls are their telephone greetings for Christmas or birthdays and, occasionally, for no reason at all. These communications differ greatly from the ones I never had with my own grandparents.

As I have written elsewhere, the telephone, introduced late in my teenage life, was not a regular means of communication in my family. A further complication arose from the fact that my father’s mother refused to speak English. She understood it quite well, but spoke only Italian to everyone, including me. Although my grandfather could speak English, and enjoyed browsing through the local newspaper, there was minimal communication between the two of us, even in person. At the same time, I do not recall his speaking very much in either English or Italian to my father, except when they argued while playing Pinochle.

My mother’s father died when I was very young, and I do not recall that we ever spoke with one another. As for her mother, our conversations were somewhat of a business nature during the time I lived on her farm in Mineral Ridge, when I was in the eighth and ninth grade.

She was the cook in a local factory, one of several steel mills in the Mahoning Valley of northeastern Ohio. Although her spoken English was very acceptable, she was, otherwise, illiterate in the language. Nevertheless, as a cook, she needed to be reminded what the ingredients and process would be for the daily menu. Every evening, I would read to her the recipes she would use for her work in the factory-kitchen the following day. I don’t recall we ever talked about anything at other times while we lived with her or visited the farm for holidays.

It would appear I had little “training” in being a “grandparent.” My interactions with my own were extremely limited, almost nonexistent. My own three children also had limited relationships with their grandparents. They never lived anywhere near one another. My parents and Karen’s remained in Ohio while we moved from New Hampshire to Oregon, to the Washington, D.C. area, to Massachusetts, and finally to Texas. We met only for major holidays and brief vacations in Ohio. Our parents were of the generation that seldom spent any time away from their homes.

These conditions were the major reasons why Karen and I have chosen to remain in Houston, where all but two of our extended family reside, at least for the moment. We wanted to be able to see our grandchildren more often than either we or our own kids were able to have done. Perhaps this lack in my own history is why I have found it difficult, at times, to be a “real grandparent” like those found in books, movies and television accounts making up modern fiction.

Time passed following my brief conversation with our unknown grandson. Following an early morning phone call a few months afterwards, I asked Karen who had called us so early in the day. She replied it was one of our grandsons, the one who did not sound anything like our own son. Her succinct response to him had been: “You’re not my grandson. Good-bye.” She finds no entertainment value in talking with scammers.

Grandpa, Were You Spoiled?

Now that we have been vaccinated regarding COVID-19, we can have the great pleasure of eating out with our grand kids and having direct communication with them. At a recent gathering, the youngest had a question, actually a series of them. He wanted to know: “When you were a kid, did you have to do chores?” I didn’t confirm, but I expect he had raised the question, because he has his own routine chores and wanted input on their “fairness.” I’m not sure he was pleased with my response: “No, I did not have any routine chores.” I suppose he could have used my answer either positively or negatively depending upon his own situation.

Upon returning home, I thought more fully about my response. I was technically accurate. I did not have jobs to do around the house on a daily basis – like setting the table, clearing it after dinner, or carrying out the trash. TV sitcoms seem to include these as the major, routine, around-the-house chores expected of preteens and teenagers. While I did not have these tasks to do in our three-member household, I do recall a recurring job I was expected to do, when asked. Mow the lawn!

Our houses on Cedar Street or Seneca Street, where I lived for most of my growing-up years, had postage-stamp-size yards. Together, the front and back yards probably measured an area of twenty-five-square feet. A side yard for Cedar Street may have added another twenty-five square-feet; there was no yard on either side of the Seneca Street house – only a driveway on one side and, on the other, a two-story apartment building, three feet away from our house. My father attended to this ten-minute job whenever he cut the grass for our landlady who lived across the drive from us. He claimed to enjoy doing it for her.

On the other hand, there was the summer between my residing on Cedar and Seneca, when we lived on my grandmother’s farm in Mineral Ridge. Her farm had a large field on the opposite side of the road, the side with the barn and the chicken coop. Since it was visible from the farmhouse, with its own surrounding yard, the entire half-acre had to be mowed. A remaining half-acre was left to yield hay for harvesting at the end of the summer. I did not enjoy pushing the reel mower for the two hours it took to cut the entire lot. It was easier when I did not need to attach the grass-bag and gather the clippings every ten minutes, although that part did provide a momentary respite from pushing the green monster with its helical blade.

Since I did not have a routine chore, for which I might be paid, my grandson raised a second question: “Did you get an allowance?” My response at the time: “No, I did not get an allowance, at least not on a weekly schedule.” Upon further reflection, that response was, again, technically true. I did not receive a predetermine amount of money on a recurring schedule. Whenever the mood struck my mother, I was given change from the cup-in-the-cupboard that held all of the funds needed for our day-to-day living, mainly for groceries. With it I would buy a comic book, for ten cents, or postage stamps for my collection. Back then, each stamp cost three cents. When it became necessary, my mother would take me shopping for new shoes. If she spotted an appropriate sale, she would buy new pants, shirts and underwear for me. Since I never had a choice in selecting new fashions, I did not require an allowance for buying anything I really needed.

Elsewhere, I’ve noted my memories about attending movies several times a week. The intended purpose was not entertainment, per se, but was to provide an opportunity to engage in bank-nite at the movie theater. My mother would give me money from the cup-in-the-cupboard for attendance; the cost was usually twenty-five cents.

Since I did not have routine chores to do and did not receive an allowance, in the usual sense of the term, my grandson had to raise his third question: “Grandpa, were you spoiled?” He elaborated on the question. Was I given whatever I wanted; could I do whatever I wanted to do?

My immediate reaction to his question was a laugh. I certainly believed I was not spoiled. I did not get whatever I asked for. Actually, I knew better than to ask for anything.

As a child of the Great Depression, I knew I would have what I needed, but not what I wanted. If there was money-in-the-cup, I might be able to buy an ice-cream cone at Isaly’s, a comic book from the drugstore on the corner, or new stamps at the post-office.

I’ve commented, previously, that, from time-to-time, my father would explode at my mother (or me), if he thought money-in-the-cup was missing; that the amount was less than what he thought it should be. So, my response to my grandson about not being given whatever I wanted was very true. It deserved a laugh.

Then there is the second part of “being spoiled.” Could I do whatever I wanted to do? The answer is, “yes,” I was allowed to do anything I wanted to do, providing it did not cost money. At the same time, I never chose to do anything I thought was “wrong.” Unlike today, drugs and street-gangs were nonexistent for almost every kid growing up in a small town in Ohio. I did not drink beer nor smoke cigarettes. None of my relatives did; except my uncles would drink beer while playing pinochle on a weekend. I’m not sure whether any of them smoked cigarettes; occasionally, there may have been a cigar. My own evenings and weekends were devoted to listening to the radio and doing homework. It was a rather boring life, both by standards of that day and certainly of today.

It seems my parents trusted I would not do anything I should not do. Whenever it came time for me to choose to do something, to make a decision about what course of action I should take, my mother’s routine response was: “That’s your department.”

So, in reply to the question: “Was I spoiled as a child?” I have to consider the role of “free will” in my life. If I could do whatever I wanted to do, is that being spoiled? If I were given a choice on “what should I do,” or “what should I have,” and if I used my free will to remain on the conservative side, can it be said I was spoiled? My grandson needs to decide that Q&A on his own – for me and for him. After all, that’s his department!

Summer Jobs

A recent Facebook entry shows a photo and a note that our youngest grandson, Gabriel, has his first summer job, sweeping up the leftovers at Sandy’s Barber Shop. This ground-breaking event immediately stimulated my memories about the early summer employment of his father, Ken, and of his aunt Deb and uncle Chris. They, as I recall, weren’t forced to look for summer jobs to get funds for personal stuff, although this was a well-accepted benefit. Since I, myself, had never held a summer job as a teenager – given the fact that most of what might have been available was quickly filled by college kids and others who were not already full-time workers in one of the local steel mills of the Mahoning Valley – I could not impose this condition on my own kids. They chose to work, I believe, because it’s what all of their friends were doing and they, themselves, needed a reason to get out of the house during the summer months.

Deb’s first summer job was an agricultural one associated with the Connecticut Valley. First of all, she harvested cucumbers from an airplane-wing. Actually, the wing was attached to a truck passing through fields of cucumbers. Teens, lying on their stomachs on the wings, reached down, plucked the passing produce from below, and tossed them into baskets fixed to the wing. I don’t remember if she made it for an entire season. An alternative summer job for many other young adults in the area was harvesting tobacco. Surprisingly, the Connecticut Valley was great for growing leaf-tobacco dedicated to the production of cigars. The fields were covered with gauze tents, increasing the humidity for the leaves and protecting them from insect infestations. A few hours in these enclosures gave many young workers a nicotine high.

Deb’s summer occupation in Houston was certainly one Karen and I did not promote. In fact, we probably tried to dissuade her from taking it, a pointless attempt with any young adult. The summer between her freshman and sophomore years at Syracuse University required that she have an excuse for getting out of the house. Apparently, any excuse would be acceptable. She found a job selling Cutco kitchen knives! I’m not at all sure how she found, nor chose, this position as a door-to-door salesperson. Maybe she hoped this would hone her skills as a budding actress, since she was majoring in theater studies at SU. However, her audience was limited, primarily to friends-of-the-family. She may have sold one set to one of them. Karen and I bought a set of eight knives and two (large!) forks. Four of the daily knives can still be found in our kitchen drawer some forty years later. The serrated bread knife is the most frequently used of the lot. We enjoy a daily bagel.

Deb’s first real job was as a worker at Tracey Laughman’s Deli at the entrance to Ponderosa Forest, our housing development. She waited tables, a preparation for the post-college roles she later held. She also did some food prep, mainly salad dressings. Another specialty was preparing banana-pudding, a major offering of this neighborhood deli.

Her brother, Ken, followed her into the dining job-market. His first summer job was with Denny’s Restaurant, located at another entrance to Ponderosa Forest. He was able to ride his bike to-and-from work at hours which were, at the time, considered to be safe, but which would now cause many parents some concern. For a time, he was even less than a busboy. The task he complained about most was the nightly clean-out of the oil-fat-drain. I don’t know what he did with the product. He did advance to busboy and junior waiter. However, he left Denny’s for another food service: working at a popcorn specialty shop. Here he had to sign a non-disclosure agreement relating to the unique mixes added to flavor different styles of popcorn. The family enjoyed the leftover products from this occupation.

Ken seemed to prefer his next job, working at the Houston AstroWorld Amusement Park. At the time, he was enrolled at TA&M and was eligible to work in the financial office where the park’s daily funds were gathered and counted. Like his grandmother, who had worked in a similar position at Kresge’s Department Store in Niles, he may have complained, from time-to-time, about the dirty money he handled every day.

One advantage of Ken’s daily commute to AstroWorld was his ability to drive his brother, Chris, to work as well. Chris had a position as a “starter” for one of the rides at AstroWorld; I don’t recall which one. This job may have come after an earlier one working at a local video-game-shop near Ponderosa Forest. At an early age, he became an expert at arcade video games. He did well enough to win a bicycle offered as a prize to the highest scorer. Evidently, if he were good enough to win a prize, he would be qualified to lead others into this original form of electronic addictive behavior.

The major use to which the three of them put their summer funds may have been automotive. At an early age, Ken had possession of the “brown bomber,” which, I believe, I may have owned and, finally, dedicated to his use. I also remember he spent many hours attaching a TA&M blanket as the interior roof in his personal-use vehicle. Deb’s first car was an AMC Gremlin, which lived up to its namesake. I may have helped pay for this one, as well as a rapidly obtained replacement. At the time, they were responsible for the gasoline and maintenance of the vehicles they drove. (Chris was granted primary use of a former red-and-white Buick family car while he was at college.) I continued to pay for the automobile insurance for each of them, since I would have had to do that even if they had, somehow, continued to be one of the drivers of the family-car.

On the other hand, what may have prompted me to encourage each of them to purchase their own personal items from their own individual earnings was an event in which I participated with Deb. Buying shoes. I had agreed, one day, to take her shopping for a pair of new shoes she liked. My own shoes seldom cost more than $20.00 a pair. Needless to say, I was dismayed with the ones she chose for more than $50.00 a pair! And they weren’t for everyday use, either!

At that point, summer jobs became useful for reasons other than as an excuse to get-out-of-the-house-for-a-few-months. Now they were part of leaving home for twelve months a year and the beginning of new, independent lives.

Looking Glass Communication

Tumbling down the rabbit hole results in confusing conversations. Alice learned that lesson in her discussions with a mad hatter, a caterpillar, and a Cheshire cat. My lesson is still underway with computerized, on-line chats and with supposedly real people on the other end of a telephone line. My recent journey through the looking glass began with my sudden inability to communicate with my Internet link to the virtual world.

The pop-up message did not say “drink me,” but rather suggested I should check my router, that mystical device between my computer and the reversed world on the other side of the mirror. My attempts to reconnect my real world to its image failed. It was likely that the portal – switching to another literary illusion for the moment – was, itself, broken.

I journeyed to Best Buy to purchase a replacement for the router I’ve been using for the last fifteen years. Returning home, I connected all of the wires going into and out of the device. Nevertheless, the Internet was still unavailable. It was then, when I picked up the receiver to my telephone, that I realized my connection with AT&T was completely unavailable. My problem was with the muggle world, and not one of magical cyberspace. Or so I presumed.

With my landline dead, I had to resort to my emergency cellphone to call AT&T to ascertain when their service would be resumed. It was then that my Wonderland conversations began, at twenty-five cents a minute, given my limited plan with ConsumerCellular, the provider for my non-smart cellphone.

Our tea-party started with the AT&T agent’s statement that I did not exist. The company had no record of my telephone account, although I have been sending them more than $130 each month for the past sixteen years of residence at Eagle’s Trace. Since my record could not be found, the telephone company could not tell me if their service to my neighborhood was working and, if not, when it might be resumed.

Since I did not exist, according to AT&T’s record, I decided it was time for me to transfer my allegiance to Comcast/Xfinity, the source of my television coverage at Eagle’s Trace. We paid our television fee through our monthly service contract with ET. However, Karen had been receiving, each month, a billing statement directly from Xfinity indicating she had a credit of $163, the origin of which we had no idea. However, this recurring notice did indicate Xfinity recognized her existence. This observation gave me confidence to call Comcast, using my ConsumerCellular cellphone, to establish telephone and Internet service with them. However, since we had neither a smartphone, with text message capabilities, nor a functioning email connection, Comcast could not confirm that we had ordered their service. The rabbit hole became deeper.

I agreed I’d find a local store and visit them the next day to pick up the router required for connection to the Xfinity Internet However, without access to online sources, I would not be able to locate the nearest one. The Xfinity agent finally located one on South Voss. I planned to pick up the required router the next day. Meanwhile, I could return the one I had purchased earlier in the day from Best Buy. Fortunately, they were willing to refund the cost for the returned device. My tea-party began to have a few pleasantries.

At the same time, the mad-hatter’s teapot had a few more surprises. Later that evening, our land-telephone rang! Service had been restored as mysteriously as it had been lost that same morning.

Early the next day, I returned to the Looking Glass World and, using the pro-offered bird-head mallets, I began the next round of my croquet match. I should have known better.

I thought I would check out the online Comcast account, identified under Karen’s name, to determine the status of the order I had placed the previous day. Unfortunately, we had never established a password for her online account, since we had never had any need to access it. However, the account could be accessed through her Username. Surely, I could follow the steps for “change a password” and establish one for her. Unfortunately, in true Alice’s world fashion, the steps to be followed led to a circular system in which a password was required in order to change the password. Thus, in an attempt to establish her password, I began an Internet chat session, lasting more than four hours!

I lost track of the number of agents to whom I was transferred for an ongoing chat with Xfinity. With each exchange, I had to wait for the new agent to review the preceding chat before continuing. The comments they returned seldom had any relationship to the questions I raised. Many of the replies were for preestablished pleasantries expressing how interested they were in my problem and how they would solve it, immediately, to my satisfaction. Alice had more meaningful interchanges with the caterpillar and the Cheshire cat than I did with the five Indians I met for tea!

By the end of our extended interlude, I learned that it would not be possible to change the password, since I did not have access to a smartphone to which a text message could be sent with the necessary security code required to complete the process. However, my own Username could be added to the account Karen held. The only problem was, as a mere co-user, I did not have access to any of the actual content for the account. As co-user, I could see only the overview page for her website.

Nevertheless, I had not been dissuaded from going to the Comcast store on South Voss, even though the now-available site map indicated closer locations existed. When I arrived, the human agent at the South Voss Xfinity store could not find any records for the order I had placed yesterday with their telephone agent. I had to begin again.

After an hour-long interaction, I contracted for a transfer of my AT&T landline telephone number to a Xfinity landline connection. Along with keeping the same telephone number I could retain my email address. I was extremely pleased I would not be required to notify all of my commercial accounts as well all of our family and friends about new ones! The tea-party, finally, had a pastry to offer.

I was also able to transfer my telephone number from my dumb ConsumerCellular phone to a new smartphone. Although I’m currently waiting for the transfer of my telephone numbers to occur before being able to complete my new Internet and iPhone connections, Karen’s new smartphone, with a new number, is functional. All she needs to do is to start using it. Moreover, it appears that the monthly cost for a landline, an Internet connection and two smartphones will be less than half what I have been paying AT&T for my nonexistent account with them.

In the meantime, I must wait until I have a functioning cellphone capable of receiving text messages before I can attempt another chat with the intent of having direct access to Karen’s Comcast account. I’m not sure I’m looking forward to another conversation in which the meaning of words depends upon the meaning intended by the speaker, regardless of those of the listener. On the other hand, much of current communication in life, be it relating to morals, civics, religion or politics, seems to bear these conditions. Communication now exists as a series of parallel monologues without any dialog being possible. When looking into a mirror, speakers see only their own lips moving and believe they are communicating with others. They’re not.

Temptations in the Desert

To learn of a war while on a silent Ignatian retreat is, indeed, a strange experience. It was on the morning of my second day, Thursday, March 20, 2003, of an eight-day retreat at Grand Coteau, Louisiana, that I learned the United States had bombed Iraq. The scriptural passage assigned for my first meditation of the day was Sirach 43, a reflection on God and nature. My written thoughts are given as follows:

“Even on a day with magnificent weather, it is difficult to pray about the grandeur of nature and of the Creator when mankind has released the dogs of war. At our session this morning, Fr. Tom informed me that It has begun! Last night the United States of America initiated its attack against Saddam Hussein with fourteen cruise missel strikes on ‘selected’ targets around Bagdad. Bush has started his war, the war his father began a decade or so ago. For the first time in history, America has launched a war without first being fired upon by the direct foe. It will not end until Saddam, himself, is destroyed. And if he flees, what then? Whom does Bush attack next? It may be a longer conflict than the so-called leaders in Washington predict.

“Yet here I am, to contemplate God’s marvelous creation, the sun’s light and the blue vault of heaven. The warm breeze from the south again stirs the fields of wildflowers before me. The birds sing merrily the songs taught to them ages ago, unconcerned by the new cries thousands of miles away. Oh, that I could sing so merrily!

“Instead, I hear the drone of an airliner passing overhead and assume that death will not leap forth … unlike the thoughts of innocent Iraqis who hear death on a day when only Allah’s glory should be sounded.

“This creation of Yours, miLord , has survived the folly of your creatures over the centuries. You continue to sustain us. I’m not sure why. The sun continues to shine with its warmth; the winds continue to cool us. The balance remains. We remain in your hands, in your care, in your love. You tried to teach us about Peace by becoming one of us. For some you succeeded. Others have ignored your words; they even make a mockery of those they have heard.

“Our journey has begun, miLord. I know not how it will continue nor how it will end. This is to be a season of trust, of hope. Strengthen my trust and my hope. Walk with me and all those who truly want to follow you. Guide us in the hours and days ahead so that we may honor all you have created and given to us.”

The next day, Day 3 of my retreat, had an afternoon meditation on Matthew 4: 1- 11, the temptations of Jesus in the desert. My reflection includes the following:

“What a bucolic place to think of war! The pale-yellow barn with its white silos stands before me as a fortress of tranquility. The pecan trees flex leafless fingers against the clouding sky. The stable roofs rust slowly beneath the overpowering live oaks. All is silent except for a cow lowing in the distance and a few birds twittering nearby. Even the black flies are going about their own business and leaving me alone with my contemplation on this second day of a war fought so far away in time and space.

“Men, women, and children are surely dying as they do in all wars. There may be terrorism striking here in the U.S., but I do not know of any of this, wrapped in my silent Retreat. If only the world, itself, could be on such a Retreat instead of its own retreat from civilization.

“My assigned meditation is on the Temptations of Christ, your temptations, miLord. Your encounter with Evil, itself. Temptations to life without effort, living food from dead stones. Power without effort: merely step forward, you will not fall. Control without compassion: speak the name of Evil and all will follow you.

“Begin a war and your popularity will increase. Provide a circus and the people will forget their problems. History will remember you as being decisive. Or will future generations call you a fool? It depends upon the outcome. A quick victory with a minimum loss of lives (yet what is a ‘minimum’ when lives are to be counted?) and your actions are justified. A long war with vast destructions, and the event is recalled as folly. Temptations for the quick fix; for precipitous change in contrast with the change resulting from a change of heart, from growth into maturity.

“Enough of my jottings. It is time for Prayer.”

Yes, it is always “time for prayer.” The Gulf War finally was terminated. Bagdad was captured a month later; President Bush declared “the end of major combat operations” in his “Mission Accomplished” speech of May 1st. Saddam Hussein was captured on December 13, 2003; convicted by the Iraqi High Tribunal of crimes against humanity and executed, by hanging, on December 30, 2006.

Twenty years later, in October 2023, the forces under Hamas, the Palestinian military authority in Gaza, attacked Israel. A counterattack has followed and once again, the “Holy Land” is the site for warfare which could expand into a major conflict for the entire world. Once more we witness the temptations in the desert and continue to pray.

Who Guards the Guardians?

I’m not an historian, but I do enjoy reading history, regardless of the time or place, but preferably that of Europe or the United States. I am fascinated by the cycle of history, how events seem to reoccur over the centuries, how mankind never seems to learn from the past, but retains its desire to return to a time when life seemed simpler, when people felt safe, providing they were in agreement with those who were their superiors, those who had authority over their economics and culture.

Although people may maintain they want to be in control of their lives, it often appears that they want to be led by those who can offer them the safety they desire. This condition may have originated thousands of years ago when small groups of people gathered together as tribes who went searching for their food under the leadership of their best hunter, the one who knew the ways of wild animals and how to subdue them. A wooly mammoth, a wild boar, or a fleet-footed deer could be killed more readily by a tribe than by a single pursuer.

When those once nomadic tribes settled down in villages and, later, in fortified towns, they were willing to be governed by their elders or by the strongest male in the community, especially if the local gods seemed to favor these rulers. The pharaohs of Egypt and the kings of Mesopotamia were, after all, designated by their gods. The kings, themselves, might even be seen as divine creations who would offer their subjects protection from all of their enemies, all those who sought to destroy them, whether they were foreigners or threatening neighbors. Even the Greek city-states, claiming to be democracies which considered the rights of individual men, had their own divinely appointed rulers.

Some twenty-eight centuries ago, semi-divine twins, sucked by a she-wolf, attempted to found a city-state in Italy. One of them, Remus, made the mistake of jumping over the wall erected by his brother, Romulus, around one of the seven hills located in the city. In their feud, Romulus killed Remus and the city of Rome, rather than of Rem, was begun under the leadership of a royal family of kings. Several centuries later, these kings gave way to leaders elected by the freemen of Rome and their city-state became a republic. After a few more centuries, the citizens of Rome were very willing to allow a single Emperor to become their divinely appointed leader, one who could protect them from invaders and offer them circuses for their entertainment.

By the standards of today, in the twenty-first century after these events, we tend to see those days of the Roman Empire to be difficult ones for ordinary life as we know it. However, for those who, at that time, lived them, this was the age of an Augustinian peace in which the population lived a harmonious life without fear. It was good to live under a dictator, one who addressed the needs of the people as he, himself, viewed his own rules to be just and proper.

With the ultimate fall of the Roman Empire, life under invading Germanic tribes led to a new way of life, one we call the “dark ages,” but well-lived by those who experienced them. The men of Europe willingly followed the leadership of divinely appointed kings and their own elite royalty. Both the nobility and the peasantry looked back to the glory of the lost Roman Empire through the formation of the new Holy Roman Empire which came into conflict with the Roman Catholic Church and the growth of competing empires in France, England and Spain.

The briefly held concept of a Roman Republic governed by men elected democratically was buried under a willingness to be ruled by strong individuals. Until, in the mid-eighteenth century, there were a few men living in colonies established by England, who now desired to re-establish a republic governed by those they, themselves, elected. The United States of America became the first modern democratic nation.

Others followed, but only for short periods. The French Republic became a new Empire under the control of Napoleon. Later democracies in Germany and Italy saw the rise of fascism under Hitler and Mussolini, who, originally, were willing elected by their followers. Other new-born democratic nations quickly came under the control of cultic leaders like Stalin and Mao. It would appear that individuals wish to have their own political freedom for only limited times. When given an opportunity, they are very willing to allow a cultic leader to take control of their political life if everyone is promised safety from invaders and from those whom they believe might take them in cultural directions not to their liking.

The result is a strange paradox. Individuals are willing to give up their authority, their control, to someone who will control what they, the individuals, want to control but feel they, themselves, cannot control! In our modern society, there seems to be a fear that outsiders will cross established borders and bring with them killers, terrorists, drug bearers, poverty-prone non-workers, and others who will change the lives of those living within their borders. A cult leader, even a dictator or tyrant, who offers such protection, is once more desired to be in control. He is admired and followed by all who demand a return to the “good-old-days” of an imagined past.

According to a recent article in Time magazine, “In 2024, more than half the world’s population will go to polls – 4.2 billion citizens across approximately 65 countries in what, from a distance, at least appears to be a stirring spectacle of self-government. At closer range, however, the picture is cloudier, and warning lights flash red from the murk.” The article goes on to quote Staffan Lindberg, director of Varieties of Democracy, a Swedish think tank, who believes: “2024 may be the make-or-break year for democracy in the world, [since] … so many have now empowered leaders or parties with antidemocratic leanings.”

I am reminded of a Latin line written by a Roman poet, Juvenal, in the first century: “Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?” It may be translated as: “Who will guard the guards, themselves?” or “Who will watch the watchmen, themselves?” Perhaps in the twenty-first century we might ask: “Who will control the controllers, themselves?”

Automotive History

Recently our daughter, Deb, posted a Facebook notice that she had bought a previously owned car to replace one incapacitated by rats chewing on the wires in the engine of her current run-about. She lives in the country outside of San Antonio and is accustomed to the challenges posed by bobcats, coyotes and scorpions, but this was a first-time event. Her posting, which included a list of the ten cars she had previously owned, prompted me to recall the vehicles I, myself, have purchased over the past seven decades.

During my high school and college years, when many of my friends had their own jalopies to drive, I walked or bummed rides with them. My father had no use for a car for the family; he, too, walked everywhere he had to go, or hitched a ride with a friend or relative. For some strange reason, when I graduated from Kent State and was about to go off to graduate school at Cornell, he decided I should have my own car to travel between Ohio and New York. He bought me my first car, a 1957, black-and-white Ford Fairlane 500, a four-door sedan with white sidewall tires. This Ford served me well on my visits to see Karen when she had her summer employment at Camp Wingfoot on Lake Erie. On the other hand, this model did have its electrical system problems, as I noted in my recollection, “House Hunting in Ithaca.” Nevertheless, that Fairlane made it through the winters of ice and snow usually found around the Finger Lakes. Its end came as the result of an elderly driver plowing into us when he made a turn from the highway into his own driveway as he completed his vacation trip.

At the time, we were living in a basement apartment in the home of the owner of the Volkswagen dealership in Ithaca. He sold us a grey beetle we named “Fritz,” the only car we ever personalized. For several years, Fritz accompanied us on our journeys between New York and Ohio as well as providing us with an adventure in which he almost fell on me after an ice storm. (That’s another story recalled under the title, “Falling Volkswagen.”)

We outgrew Fritz, who was replaced, after a few years, by an olive-green and cream microbus that saw us through winters in New Hampshire and a long journey westward to Corvallis, Oregon, as reported in another reflection, “The Oregon Trail.” That microbus caught on fire on a trip from Corvallis to Portland (see “Hot Hymns”) and was replaced by a grey Chevy minivan for the rest of our Oregon years and my cross-country return drive to Bethesda, Maryland.

The grey Chevy was the first car Karen drove, although she had made a few attempts with the Fairlane in the first year of our marriage. When that automatic-shift vehicle was replaced by stick-shift VW’s, she gave up her attempts. However, living in suburban Washington, D.C. prompted her to take additional driving lessons and make use of the minivan for local shopping.

The major driving issue during our first year in Maryland, was the need, each night, to re-park the van in our driveway so that it would face outward each morning in order to pull into the rapidly passing traffic on Cedar Lane, a major street heading into Bethesda. We were able to continue with only a single vehicle, since, upon moving from Bethesda to Wheaton and, later, to Rockville, I was able to share my daily commuting with two NIH neighbors. Before moving to Amherst, I sold this van to one of them, Will Nusser, who wanted to buy it for his son even though he knew from experience that, for some unknown reason, a hole had appeared in the floorboard on the passenger’s side of the vehicle.

The grey Chevy minivan was replaced, for the Massachusetts years, by a brown Mercury four-door sedan, a Marquis Brougham model which Karen would use to convey me, on a five-minute drive, to and from work on the UMass campus. Seven years later Ken and I drove in it from Massachusetts to Texas, with the parking brake partially engaged somewhere along the way, requiring a trip to a local service garage shortly after our arrival.

Karen and I agreed we would now need two cars to survive in Houston. My commuting car became a new Ford Pinto, bright yellow with a stick-shift and a clutch which was constantly engaged in my attempted commute on I-45. This compact car also took me, Ken and Kip on our father-sons encounter with West Texas. Ken planned the vacation; Kip saw most of it from a cramped backseat of the Pinto.

The brown Mercury, now replaced by a red and white Buick LaSabre for the family, became Ken’s means for traveling between Houston and College Station. To personalize his possession, he exchanged the interior roof with his own Texas A&M blanket. Later, the LaSabre became Chris’ means of going back and forth between Houston and San Marcos when he went off to college.

After a few years, the family sedan was replaced by a long, green Chevy station wagon. There was sufficient room for Chris to have the third seat in the far back where he would view where we had gone on our vacations, since he had to ride backwards. Ken and Deb shared the second back seat as well as they could. Fortunately, this station wagon resembled a small tank; it served Karen well when she was hit by an eighteen-wheeler on I-10, having driven several religious persons from the Cenacle, where she volunteered, to the airport. The ‘wagon made a 360 degree turn and ended up on the highway with no major damage to it or her.

After a few years, the Pinto was enlarged by exchanging it for a blue Honda CRV, one that lasted until we moved to Eagle’s Trace upon retirement and decided that one car would be sufficient. The station wagon was sold and the CRV was transferred to one of our grandsons, Jordan, to be used to help with his new family’s life.

Our current car, and no doubt the last one we will own, is a red Honda HRV. Like most males, I expect, I had always wanted a red car. I finally owned one, although it was debatable just how much I would actually be behind the wheel. Karen greatly preferred to be the driver rather than the passenger. This relationship lasted between 2016 and 2023, when she developed the condition of fused vertebrae in her neck and could no longer readily turn her head while driving, a necessity when in Houston’s traffic.

Over the last seventy years, I’ve owned ten vehicles, five of which have been vans or station wagons. I’ve never been overly interested in having a luxury-vehicle to show off. It appears that two of them were involved in accidents, one seriously and the other with no physical damages but with a significant psychological impact. Another minivan was lost through an accidental fire. It’s also the case that several had crumpled fenders from encounters with other vehicles or stationary objects. However, none of them were damaged by any animals eating their wiring! On the other hand, one of our cats, who liked to keep warm by sitting on the top of a tire under the hood, did meet with an untimely demise one cold morning when she did not jump off quickly enough when the motor was turned on. Evidently, both rats and cats do not do well with cars.

Grands and Greats

A few days ago, Samantha, who is married to our grandson Jordan, had a Facebook request about wanting the names of friends and relatives who would like to be remembered in a quilt she is making for James, due sometime in August. Of course we do want to be included, and Karen responded accordingly. Sam’s request, however, prompted me to think about other grandchildren and their own offspring, our great grandchildren.

James will be a special grandson. Samantha and Jordan have been trying to add a third sibling for Claire and Charlotte, born in 2016 and 2018, respectively, but they have experienced several miscarriages over the years. They are joyfully awaiting James’ arrival. He will be the third boy in his generation to bear the Camerino name.

Dillon, Jordan’s younger brother, and Carolyn have two sons who have rather unusual first names: Brantley and Shiloh. To add to the nominal confusion, “Brantley” is also the last name of our daughter Deborah’s husband, Franklyn. There is no direct connection. Brantley Andrew Camerino was named for a favorite country western singer and for his father, Dillon Andrew. Shiloh has the middle name, Kenneth, the name of his grandfather, our own son, Kenneth Andrew.

Naming children can have interesting backgrounds. Christopher Paul, our own middle child, is named Christopher because I like the repetitive hard consonants found in Christopher and in Camerino, having married Karen and named our older son, Kenneth. Chris’ middle name, Paul, comes from Karen’s favorite uncle, Paul Swank. However, until Chris graduated from college and became a schoolteacher, he was known by the nickname, Kip, a combination of Christopher and Paul, since I have a cousin who named her daughter Christina and beat me to using Chris as a nickname. Back then, overlaps were to be avoided in family names.

When the change occurred, Christopher evidently thought that “Kip” would not go well for a teacher-coach. However, he has not been able to escape completely. His older daughter, Kirby, named her own son Kipton Royce, to combine her father’s nickname, Kip, with that of David Royce Whitworth, the grandfather of her husband, Stephen. Kirby Michele and Stephen are expecting their own second child in May; her name will be Rory Michele, which includes Kirby’s middle name as well as that of her mother, Kelly Michele.

Our other great grandchildren also have special names. Ken’s daughter Christina, who is married to Cristian (!) Araujo, has three children: Elijah David, Lila Rose, and Liam James. Samantha and Jordan have not released James’ middle name, but “William” would add well to the mixture, as a reversal of Liam James and the inclusion of my own middle name, William, taken from my own grandfather, William Moransky, whose actual name was Viktor, but changed to William by an agent at Elias Island!

It appears that name changing within our family has a well-established history. It began with Viktor Murawka becoming William Moransky and continued through my own change from Patty, the nickname given to my own father, Piligrine, by a well-meaning teacher, to that of Pat William and on to our daughter, Deborah Lynne, renaming herself “Cammie” to the world-at-large while remaining Debbie or Deb to her relatives.

And so it is. Pat William Camerino married Karen Jane Swank and had three children: Deborah Lynne (Cammie) married to Frank Brantley; Kenneth Andrew married to Tracey Lynn Sturek; and Christopher Paul (Kip) married to Kelly Michele Siegel. Ken and Tracy have given us Jordan Michael, Dillon Andrew, Christina Noel, Thomas Joseph, Victoria Elizabeth, Olivia Dominique, Damien Paul, Jospeh Xavier, and Gabriel John. Christopher Paul (Kip) and Kelly have two daughters: Kirby Michele and Kennedy Lane.

Our great grandchildren include Brantley Andrew, Claire Marjorie, Elijah David, Charlotte Helen, Lila Rose, Shiloh Kenneth, Liam James, and Kipton Royce along with additions-to-come: Rory Michele and James (the unknown).

Among my fondest memories are those of a family reunion of the Moransky clan, which occurred while I was a sophomore in college. There was a picnic attended by aunts, uncles and cousins-by-the dozens. It was the last time they gathered together. Although the tradition has not been maintained, due to the death of many of them and to the scattering of the next generations, there are still weddings that serve as the reason for the gathering of the descendant clans.

Fortunately, Ken and Tracy have served as the focus for the major gatherings of the past few years. Given that Tracey has a sister and four brothers with large families, their total gathering can be well over fifty direct relatives. At Olivia’s wedding in November of last year, they completely filled the altar of Christ the Good Shepherd for the post-celebration photograph, even though not every one of them could attend the event. At this rate, they will need to shift to the co-cathedral for the archdiocese of Galveston-Houston for the nuptials of their own grandchildren.

Time Travel

During my younger days, very younger days, the ones when I was a teenager growing up in northeastern Ohio, my travel was limited to imaginary trips, ones taken to the stars, by way of the sci-fi stories I read. Reality travel was limited to bus trips from Niles to Youngstown for special shopping expeditions, usually with my mother, for buying shoes and clothes for school. Although the single department store in my hometown carried wearing apparel, primarily work-clothes for the local steelworkers like my father, nothing there could satisfy my mother’s tastes for school clothes. Real shopping required a journey to Youngstown and the Strauss’ Department Store with its five floors, accessed by the only escalator in that part of the state.

There were occasional Sunday drives in Uncle Frank’s car to visit a shrine or some other special site in northeastern Ohio or northwestern Pennsylvania. My first railroad excursion came with a college-sponsored weekend in New York City, during a school break in my junior year at Kent State. My first airplane experience was a flight from Oregon to Washington, D.C. where I interviewed for my position with the NIH, when I was in my mid-thirties.

Karen and I went on our first foreign travel, to England, for our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Those never-to-be-forgotten two weeks whetted our desire to visit Europe annually, thereafter, for the next thirty years. We still have the desire, but not the ability.

Even our shopping trips have been curtailed. During the early years of our marriage, weekends were devoted to necessary, but very enjoyable, outings to the local malls or shopping centers. We became well acquainted with many of the stores in and around Hanover, New Hampshire, Corvallis Oregon, Washington, D.C. and Amherst, Massachusetts.

For wandering on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, small, college towns have great places to explore, with marvelous names such as “Dangling Conversations” or “Yankee Peddler Candle Shop.” For major items, a journey to Springfield, Greenfield or Northampton was not unusual.

This was also the time when Karen and I would take our coffee-and-donut-drive, after dinner, in order to have time together before she would begin her evening studies for her Master’s degree. In later years, when we had moved from New England to Houston, our getaways were confined to walking tours of Greenspoint, Willowbrook and Memorial City malls, with occasional excursions to Deerbrook, Sugar Land or The Galleria.

Traipsing around a major mall can offer inexpensive pleasure for couples with a few, free hours to spend. These are convenient sites for people-watching, an event that does not require any monetary cost in order to be enjoyed. European counterpoints are even better. I have been amazed by the international scope of the shopping malls available in any large city in the world. Given the prevalence of identical stores selling clothing and shoes, it is difficult to realize you are in a mall in Edinburgh, Scotland, and not in the States. The only differences are in the accents of the buyers and sellers. Throughout Europe, it is easier to stop at a McD’s or a Pizza Hut than to find a local fast-food stand.

When visiting a shopping mall, the only condition a stroller needs to consider is whether the mall is laid out in a string, such as Memorial City, so that the walker can visit shops which are always on the right side as the explorer transverses the building, or is it circular, like Katy Mills, so that the efficient traveler must zigzag back and forth in order not to miss any buying opportunity. On the other hand, the true mall-walker really does not need to buy anything. The entire purpose is merely to look at things and at people. Of course, there is always a Cinnabon, or other pastry along with coffee, that can be purchased to maintain one’s energy for the visit, should the need arise. It’s also a good idea, to know where the restrooms are located, especially as one ages.

Aging, itself, is the only real problem associated with travel, whether it is to a foreign country or to a local collection of shops such as those found in Old Town Spring or Old Town Tomball. It was not that long ago, when Karen and I would take pleasure in wandering around their shops in springtime or late fall, when it’s possible to enjoy being outside along the Gulf Coast. There were also weekends when we would drive to visit The Strand in Galveston or River Walk in San Antonio. We even managed to stroll around Fredricksburg, Schulenburg, Lagrange or Boerne, Texas. There were years when we would spend a fun-filled afternoon at the Texas Renaissance Festival or wandering through Lost Maples Forest.

I’m not sure whether it was the years of the COVID epidemic or merely the aging-process, itself. However, no matter what might have been the original cause, we have not traveled much beyond Brookshire for the past four years. I cannot recall the last time I saw the beaches at Galveston, with or without seaweed and oil droplets, or the musicians and jugglers of Renfest.

Indeed, we recognize we can no longer endure a ten-hour flight to Europe and two weeks on a riverboat cruise along the Rhine or Danube, as we once did. There are times I think about how I would, once again, love to be in New England in October, either driving along the Kancamagus highway in northern New Hampshire or bouncing on the ferry boat to Nantucket Island. Although we have seen more of western and eastern Europe than I could once have imagined, we never did get to Ireland, Scandinavia or Spain. And we never will.

Time has ended our travels. Once more, I’m limited to my imagination and my memories. I am grateful for having both of them. On the other hand, I recognize time-travel, itself, is still possible. Although no one can physically go backwards (or forwards) in time in order to see and hear the wonders of the world, I have hours of videos I captured on our visits to so many national and international places. I’m pleased I made the effort to edit them into viewable recollections of sights Karen and I have seen. Those images, along with the memories I retain, and the imagination I currently possess, allow me to engage in a mental time-travel that warms my heart and stimulates my mind as much as those journeys I once made with Ray Bradbury and Isaac Asimov. I hope that the time-travel I enjoyed once-upon-a-time may remain with me until my memory is no more.

They’re All Relative

In earlier reflections on my life in Niles, Soldiers and Sailors, I reported on the military service of my uncles: Joe, Fremont, and Isadore. Those recollections have now led me to a consideration of other paternal relatives. Joe, Fremont and Isadore were my father’s brothers. Joseph was the eldest, born in 1906, more than a century ago! I really find this particular time interval to be quite remarkable; my personally knowing someone born more than one-hundred years ago seems impossible!

Uncle Frank (1907) was the second child born to Dolgizia and Luigi. He arrived premature. Family legend has suggested that, with the unavailability of postnatal intensive care, he was kept in a warm oven for the first weeks of his life. (I assume the oven door was kept open.) As the result of his premature birth, Uncle Frank was intellectually challenged. Growing up, I found he was very difficult to understand; I admit I avoided interaction with him as much as I could. On the other hand, he did have a positive, influence on my own development. Since he walked with a lumbering gait, with toes pointed dramatically outward, I forced myself to walk with my feet pointed directly ahead. This has been my distinctive gait for more than eighty years.

My father was the third born (1908). Fremont was a year younger (1909). I’m not sure why he was called by a name that had a minimal, if any, relationship with an Italian source of which I am aware. Interestingly, he spelled it as “Freemont” – with double “e’s.” Later, his son, my cousin, spelled his own name as “Fremont,” a more usual form.

The next son was Galvino (1910), whose name appears to be more Italian than “Freemont.” He was always called “Uncle Guffy.” He was seldom involved in any family activities; I probably saw him less than a dozen times in my life. Family legend indicated that Guffy was often away in jail; I have no idea what the charges might have been. He had a son, Ernest, whom I recall slightly from my very young days. However, I have no idea whatever became of either Uncle Guffy or Cousin Ernest in the years since then.

My Aunt Mary (1911) continued my grandparent’s annual births. She was the only sister and, when her mother died, inherited matriarchal control of this traditional Italian family. Her two younger brothers were Angelo (1913) and Isadore (1916). Family legend also suggests that my grandmother lost several other babies. I vaguely recall an ancient photograph of several uncles, and maybe Aunt Mary, standing next to a casket with a baby or small child.

I remember more about Uncle Angelo, who continued to live with his brothers and sister at home, until he was “sent away to Gallipolis” in his mid-twenties. This small town in southern Ohio was the site for the Asylum for Epileptics and Epileptic Insane, founded in 1893. I do not recall being around when Angelo had an attack of the ancient “falling sickness”; but he must have had them in sufficient numbers that the family believed it was no longer safe for him to live at home.

I have already mentioned Uncle Isadore as a brother who served in World War II in some un-designated capacity. I seldom saw him at “up-the-hill” gatherings. He had two sons, Donald and David, whom I’ve not seen during the past sixty-five years. On the other hand, David became the executor for my Uncle Joe, upon the death of cousin Fremont, several years after Uncle Joe had died. Cousin David and I did interact when the “up-the-hill” property was finally sold in 2019.

This may be the place for me to comment about the Camerino vendetta. It is, indeed, fascinating to me, how Italian families are capable of in-depth “fallings-out.” Unlike the vendettas, or “revenge” events of the Italian city-states during the Renaissance, any Italian family can have a long, intense misunderstanding without actual bloodshed. During my adolescence, my cousin Fremont was the outcast in the family. His father had divorced his mother and he had taken “her side” in the split-up. This made him a persona non grata for several decades. Then it was my turn.

My Aunt Mary, who once held me in an apple-of-the-eye status, disavowed me when my father died. She deeply believed I had abandoned my father, who suffered greatly from a spectrum of diabetic conditions. Living in Houston, I was not able to attend directly to his needs in Ohio. Being the matriarch of the family, she thought I should have been of greater assistance to him – and to her. At his funeral, she ignored my existence, which is a characteristic behavior for a vendetta. I was no longer welcomed “up-the-hill.” When Karen and I tried making an occasional visit, we would chat with Uncle Joe, while Aunt Mary would hide out in the storage-room-kitchen.

After my Uncle Fremont had died, his son was now allowed back into the family. I must admit that the logic for all of this escapes me. My cousin Fremont, Jr. now replaced me within the rankings within my extended family. When Uncle Joe died in 1998, a year after his sister Mary had passed away, cousin Fremont became the executor for his estate. Fremont was in charge of trying to sell the property, which was its major asset. Over the next twenty years, he was unable to find a buyer. When Fremont died in 2017, cousin David, became the executor. He finally completed the property sale in 2019.

I have found the recent Goggle map view of 1487 Robbins Avenue to be very strange. Several houses occupy the land that once held a concrete garage, which served as the family homestead; the result is completely unrecognizable. “Going-up-the-hill” exists only in my memory, where places and events will remain relative, at least for the time-being.

The Other Side

Since I’ve written reflections on my paternal relatives, it’s only fair I do the same for my mother’s side of the family. Born in 1907, she was the eldest of the Moranskys. The next in line was Aunt Sophia (1909). Among my mother’s siblings, she is the one I recall the least. She married Gilbert Tipper and they had five children, whom I seldom met before they all moved to California and completely disappeared from family interactions. I do remember that Maryann, their eldest daughter, who was only a year younger than I, had Down Syndrome, although, back then, the term “Mongolism” was commonly used for this genetic anomaly. During the time when there was contact among the cousins, she was usually protected by her sister Rosalie and younger siblings: Marcella, Gilbert and Oswald. Among them, I interacted primarily with Rosalie; I scarcely knew the others.

My mother’s next sister, Violet (1911) was my favorite aunt. The two of them remained very close during their entire lives. She was my mother’s matron-of-honor; her husband, Charles Weida (also known as Uncle Chike, seldom Chuck), the best-man. My Aunt Vi was my godmother, Uncle Chike, my godfather. She was almost a second mother to me. For several years during my early childhood, her family lived across from us on Cedar Street. I have very fond memories of those years spent there with Rosemary, my favorite cousin, and her sister, Donna. The three of us played together daily. They were my sisters and best friends. I have so many thoughts about them (and other cousins) that they deserve their own essays: Weida Girls and Cousins by the Dozens.

Aunt Vi’s home, whether across the street, on Main Street in Mineral Ridge, or on the other side of Niles, was a place of joy and noisy tranquility. It was constantly filled with her own children (Rosemary, Donna, Wanda, Charles, Bill, Althea, and Michael), other Moransky cousins, and hordes of kids from their own neighborhood, if not much of Mineral Ridge or Niles. Their dining room became a hub of hubbub during the day and into the evening. Laughter over milk and cookies of the early years grew into pleasant conversations over coffee and pastries in later years. If I needed, as I often did during my adolescence, to escape from Seneca to sanity, my retreat was to Aunt Vi’s, which was a long walk across town.

William Moransky, Uncle Bill, was next in line (1913). As Aunt Vi was my favorite aunt, Bill was my favorite uncle. She was my mother substitute; he was my father-figure, the model of what the perfect father would be. As the years moved on, he was the first adult who treated me as a fellow adult; I enjoyed merely being in his presence. Fortunately, there was a long period when he and his wife, Ada, provided my parents assistance in travel. It was not uncommon for them to drive us to different places to visit on a weekend. Trips to Lake Meander and to other nature-parks in northeastern Ohio introduced me to the idea that it is possible to travel and to experience new surroundings. We would also visit their home in Mineral Ridge. I spent minimal time with their son, my cousin Billy, Jr. I preferred to sit nearby and listen to the four adults talk. Besides, Uncle Bill allowed me to sit in his recliner – the seat he would otherwise occupy as his personal site, and the first such piece of furniture I had ever seen.

The other traveling companions for my own parents, since my father refused to own a car, were Aunt Rose, my mother’s youngest sister (1916), and her husband Frank Borecki. Being the youngest in the family, Rose maintained, for her entire life, a position of being fashionable. It always appeared that her attire and her own home were based on a television setting for a sitcom of the fifties. Their favorite places to visit were various shrines spread throughout northeastern Ohio. They favored them along with parish festivals and dinners. Aunt Rose, a very devout woman, was the one who persuaded all of my relatives not to attend, under pain of moral sin, my non-Catholic wedding with Karen in the Congregational church in Sandusky. I admit I was amused when years later, her son, my cousin Frankie Jr., was not married in the Church, either.

During my early days, I greatly enjoyed my trips with Uncle Frank and Aunt Rose, since he drove a Nash American convertible that had a rumble seat. There was no greater fun than being allowed to ride with the wind blowing my hair while the rest of me resided warmly concealed in this special place. It was also during one of those early adventures, I discovered that Uncle Frank was not quite as devout as Aunt Rose. While waiting alone in the front seat of the convertible for the return of the four adults, I discovered, in the car’s glove box, a small pornographic comic book, the first and only one I had ever seen.

Following Aunt Rose, came Uncle Frank, the youngest of my mother’s siblings, who was born late in the same year as Aunt Rose. Throughout my life, a distinction has always been made between “Uncle Frank” and “Frank Borecki.” When I was sacramentally confirmed, as a teenager, this Uncle Frank was my sponsor. I would have liked to have had Uncle Bill as my second godfather at the celebration of my Confirmation, but since he and Aunt Ada had not been married in the Catholic Church, he had suffered the same excommunication later promised by Aunt Rose when I was married “outside the Church.” At the time, his younger brother, Frank, was the best alternative for this sacramental responsibility. He had married Aunt Betty within the Church and so was an acceptable relative for the role, even if we seldom interacted before or after this event. I did not see either of them or their daughters, Carolyn and Diane, very often.

Almost every Sunday during my childhood, my parents and I would go to my paternal grandparents’ house on Vienna Avenue for dinner. During my adolescence, we went “up-the-hill” for the same purpose. Since we had to walk to either location, the visits did not occur during winter snows and spring rains. A similar regimen did not exist for the other side of the family. The Moransky relatives gathered on rare occasions, probably only for special events, the meanings of which I no longer recall – except for those Christmas Eve gatherings. Blurry black-and-white photos suggest there were special events in the very early years, before elementary school, when these relatives would gather for beer and card-games on a Sunday afternoon. These events, probably, involved the baptism of one of the cousins, although I do not remember any church service associated with them.

I do, however, recall one family reunion which occurred during my years at Kent State. There is a collection of Kodachrome photographs of a picnic attended by almost all of the aunts, uncles and cousins from the Moransky clan. It might have been part of a visit by Sophia and the Tipper family, since there are photos of them, as well as the families of Aunt Vi, Uncle Bill and Aunt Rose.

Later in life, when I no longer lived in Niles, my parents continued a close association with Uncle Bill, Aunt Ada, Aunt Rose and Uncle Frank Borecki. According to notations in my mother’s diary for those years, there are numerous Sunday dinners taken at local restaurants. Arthur Treacher seems to be among their favorites. I think the pleasure drives also continued for regional parks and religious sites, depending upon who the driver might be: Bill or Frank. I’m pleased they had the opportunity. It suggests that Karen and I can still enjoy local travel and dining, once COVID-19 is well past. My only concern is that we are out-of-practice, and it might take us an added effort to return to our own Arthur Treacher.

Levels of Grand

Aunts, uncles, and cousins – it’s time for comments about their parents, my grandparents, and a great-grandmother as well. It seems strange to me that I, myself, at the present, have nine great-grandchildren: Claire and Charlotte; Brantley and Shiloh; Elijah, Lila Rose and Liam; and Kipton. Even though they live close-by, I have seen them only at significant family gatherings. I’d like to blame this on the COVID-year. It is certainly not a lack of interest and desire causing us not to visit one another.

As for my own great-grandparents, I have no direct remembrance of any of them. There is a blurred photograph of me with Babush, my mother’s grandmother, Annie Sluchalis Olupkwicz, who was born in Poland in 1860, the time of the US Civil War! Except for a genealogical search, I would not know her name; I heard references only to Babush. The word is Polish for “grandma.” The designation probably comes from babuska, the head scarf worn by elderly Polish women.

My maternal grandmother was Rose Olupkwicz (1891- 1950). However, the Americanized name she used was Ulip, or some variation of this spelling. Since immigration agents often could not spell European names, especially those from Central Europe, they assigned new ones which might have a few sounds heard in the original language. Her husband was William Moransky, although a copy of my mother’s baptismal record suggests the original form was “Viktor Murawski.” Family legend reports that the agent wanted him to be “Moran,” but my grandfather insisted it must remain Polish. He was willing to accept the Irish name with a Polish ending. I suppose his first name, Wicktor, is why my mother was named “Victoria” and her oldest brother was “William,” although the transformation from Wicktor to William does take a leap of faith!

I personally have no real memories of Grandfather William, who died in 1945, when I was ten years old. This realization causes me to wonder if Brantley and Claire will have anything beyond a few photographs as the major part of their recollections of me. I’m pleased I have those of Grandfather William, whose name I took on, when I was confirmed a few years later.

It’s possible that Grandfather William was a coalminer in Ambridge, Pennsylvania, where he arrived, after leaving Poland sometime around 1900. Family stories suggest he came from Warsaw or Krakow, although genealogical searches report in was born in Zuweleki, Poland. He became a farmer when he and Rose moved to Ohio, sometime before 1913, since my Uncle Bill was born in Girard, rather than in Ambridge, where the older daughters were born.

I’ve described how, during the time I lived on her farm, I helped my grandmother Rose, by reading her recipes to her each day before she went to work as a cook at a local factory. Her spoken English was fluent, even though she could not read it. I remember how well dressed she was before going to church or on other visits. I also recall that she enjoyed whiskey. My mother, however, believing that her mother was an alcoholic, refused to drink cocktails, beer or wine. This may have been helpful to me in that I never tasted alcohol while growing up. On the other hand, I may have inherited the need for my gallbladder surgery from both of them! My grandmother’s occurred in the “dark ages” and I remember she had some sort of drainage bag during her final years. My Grandmother Moransky died in 1950, at age 59. I was fifteen. Does this suggest that if I live to 2030 (age 95!), Brantley and Claire may remember me!?

Name-wise, my father’s parents made out somewhat better at Ellis Island than my mother’s parents did. Evidently, Italian surnames were easier to spell phonetically than were those from Poland and other Slavic countries. My grandfather retained “Camerino,” my grandmother continued, until marriage, as “Russo.” However, first names were still a challenge. Luigi became “Lewis” rather than “Louis.” I’ve always wondered if the agent at Ellis Island was Welsh. My grandmother’s Italian name of Dolgizia (or Dulcizzia) was Anglicized into “Dorothy.” I suppose that transformation from the initial sound of “dull” to that of “dor” is equal to that from “wick” to “will” back in the early 1900’s.

My grandfather Luigi/Lewis was a painter-paperhanger all of his life, prior to becoming an urban farmer. Although the exterior of homes, back then, was painted (with two coats of outdoor paint), interior rooms were decorated with wallpaper rather than being painted. Enamel was used only for doorways and moldings around the upper edge of the walls, which were “hung” with rolls of paper having floral prints. As a young child I had fun when I occasionally helped to clean up scraps of wallpaper while avoiding the paste which was used to adhere the paper to the walls. Scrapping and tearing the old paper from the walls before the new wallpaper was applied was even more fun.

When grandpa Luigi retired, leaving the business to Uncle Joe, he worked long hours in the gardens surrounding the house “up-the-hill.” He sold his excess produce from a stand on the front lawn. His major offerings included tomatoes, corn, string beans and zucchini (also known as cucuzza and pronounced “cucutz.”) My grandmother, of course, supervised the canning of most of his crop. My favorite from the garden was fried peppers loaded onto fresh baked bread. The bread came from outdoor ovens when they lived on Vienna Avenue and from an indoor, cast-iron oven “up-the-hill.” I preferred the brick oven outside, even more so for my grandmother’s pizza.

If my lack of interest in drinking beer and wine is a result of the stories about my mother’s mother, and the medical fact that both of them had gallbladder problems, I should probably mention that my father’s mother had diabetes and Uncle Joe would administer her insulin, daily. Fortunately, therapy has improved tremendously over the last decade; I use my own epi-pen on a daily basis with minimal fuss.

In contrast to grandmother Moransky, grandmother Camerino never owned a fancy dress. She always wore a housedress made many years ago from floral-designed material. She always wore a half-apron around her waist. The two also differed in their use of English. I never heard a word of English come from my Grandmother Camerino. I knew she understood English, since she seemed to know what I said to her, but she refused to speak a word of it. On the other hand, I have mental images of my Grandfather Camerino reading the newspaper as he sat at the kitchen table drinking a mug of coffee.

As I’ve stated in other remembrances, Italian was the primary language spoken around the table during both dinner and card-playing “up-the-hill.” When I was young, I could make out some of what was being said, but never learned the language. On occasion my father would take great delight in one set of words with vastly different meanings in Italian and Polish. The word struny in Polish means “strings.” Although there is another word for string beans in Polish, the colloquial word was pronounced as “struntz.” The Italian heard this sound as a “piece of shit!” My father took great delight in the observation that my Polish relatives ate struntz.

Organ Recitals

Old folks in retirement communities like to engage in organ recitals, exchanges of comments on what’s wrong, today, with each organ in either their own body or that of a friend. Duets are preferred to solo numbers.

It occurs to me I have not yet presented such a concert in this collection of essays addressed, primarily, to relatives, who might find a familial health history useful for their own future symptomology. From time to time, I have mentioned an illness associated with one of my own ancestors, but a symphonic recital might be more appropriate than my having hummed a bar or two, here-and-there.

A significant genetic-related disease is that of diabetes. Back in the nineteen-sixties, during my own middle age, I was diagnosed as being “pre-diabetic,” as evidenced by a glucose-tolerance test. This was not a common diagnosis at that time, but we were living in Bethesda where I had just begun my administrative internship with the NIH. Apparently, local medicine was influenced by national medical research and I should have accepted the result more than I actually did. I continued to follow the same diet I had used for the first three or four decades of my life. My own family health history should have impacted more on me than it did. My mother and father took insulin for their own diabetic conditions. My paternal grandmother had followed the same treatment when I was a teenager. However, their health problems occurred long before much was known about a genetic potentiality. My father’s death, when he was 78, was due, in part, to diabetic complications. His foot was amputated not long before he died.

Although my mother had breast cancer and a resulting mastectomy, her death, at 76, was associated with high blood pressure and vascular-neurological problems. She had a series of strokes before she died.

Once I retired, I have been very conscientious about taking my own medications for diabetes and hypertension. I began giving myself insulin injections, when I turned eighty. Both diseases are controlled, at present. My A1C has been about 6.2 and my blood pressure about 110 over 60.

Both my mother and father were consistently overweight during their entire lives. Both had diabetes and hypertension but did not follow their medical regimens very closely. My own weight was as high as 235 when I was in graduate school. It has been only after I retired that I have managed to control my dieting and exercise so that my current weight, measured daily, is between 145 and 155.

My grandfather Moransky died, when he was 60, from unstated causes, but probably from a heart attack. My grandmother Moransky died when she was 59, also from unstated causes. Uncle Bill, their son died at 61 from a heart attack. My Aunt Vi died at 60 from an unstated cause; her daughter Rosemary at 49; Wanda was 39 but Donna made it to 76. Two of her sons, William and Michael, died suddenly within the last few years. William was 74; Michael, was 68. My cousin Billy (Moransky) Jr. was 69 and Frankie (Borecki) Jr., 68. All of them had “heart problems.”

Aunt Sophie died when she was 69; Frank Moransky, died at 84; his sister Rose Borecki at 87. Frank Moransky’s daughters have lived at least three-quarters of a century. It’s difficult to predict the longevity of the Moransky clan and the fate of their telomers, but “weak hearts” remain a concern. On the other hand, gall bladders may also be of concern. My mother, her mother, and I had ours removed in our early 60’s.

The cause of death is not part of my memory for any of the Camerino relatives. Grandfather Luigi died at 86, and his wife at 76. My Uncle Joe made it all the way to 92. His brothers died at varying ages: Angelo (56), Frank (60), Fremont (72), Isadore (83) and Gavino (89). My grandmother Camerino died at 76 and her daughter Mary at 86. I have mentioned previously that Frank was developmentally challenged, and Angelo was “institutionalized” because of epilepsy. I’m not aware of any other conditions for this side of the family.

Regarding my own health conditions, I might mention that early in my life, I suffered from stress and related headaches. In graduate school, I had migraine-type attacks that required a rest in a dark room for relief. During my first years with the NIH, I took Valium, the common stress-medication for those days.

I also had arthritis, in my right shoulder, when I was with the National Institute of Arthritis and Metabolic Diseases! Lamont-Havers, Associate Director of the NIAMD, gave me a prognosis that: 1) I could receive cortisone shots for two years and, if the arthritis were to go away, it would; 2) I could undergo shoulder therapy for two years and, if the arthritis were to go away, it would; or 3) I could do nothing for two years and, if the arthritis were to go away, it would. I chose option (3). Two years later, I was able, once again, to raise my arm to a position parallel to my head.

My story-recollection is that my shoulder problem began at KSU. While I was sitting on the grass during a lake-side picnic, one of my DU fraternity brothers dropped a firecracker beside me. As I rapidly twisted away, my shoulder popped out of place. Don Gindlesburger, a seasoned basketball player, snapped it back into place. This shoulder did not start to give me real problems until those years I was with the NIAMD.

I continue to have an annual visit with my ophthalmologist. My cataract surgery had magnificent results back in 2019. I was tremendously nearsighted, since the first grade, and wore glasses to see anything around me. The surgery allowed me to see everything at a reasonable distance, but I will need to have the replaced lens “de-hazed” within a year or two.

Along with the nearsightedness, I also had an auditory problem, and, in my seventies, I began wearing hearing aids. My Uncle Joe had a very difficult hearing problem and wore hearing aids much of his life. My father could have used them, but seldom did. My mother said that she became deaf in one ear as a result of childhood measles.

I had chickenpox when I was very young. I suppose I should be vaccinated against Shingles, one of these days. German measles waited until my first year in graduate school, just before Karen was to visit me, cf. The Engagement. I do not recall having mumps or other childhood diseases.

I do see my dermatologist, semiannually. Two years ago, he removed a basal cell growth on my nose. The scar, to me, is very visible. My only other specialist is a neurologist whom I began visiting as the result of a “transient global amnesia” event in 2016. It is fascinating to lose an hour of memory for an unknown cause. The episode back then led to an interesting series of examinations with no observable neurological problems.

In general, I’ve been remarkably “healthy” for much of my life. I’ve had my share of colds and flues over the years. I’ve escaped the symptoms of COVID-19. Who knows, however, what the future holds.

I suppose for “completeness” I should mention Karen’s health “issues,” even though she is writing down her own memories for our ET group: Legacy in Words. Her major issues have involved cancer in one form or another. She had a mastectomy when she was in her fifties. She also has had a couple of pre-malignant melanomas removed a decade later. Her other set of medical issues involves chronic bone problems. While living here at Eagle’s Trace, she has had both knees replaced (in consecutive years) as well as a shoulder replacement. In December 2022, she had her right hip replaced. She is now a bionic woman, at least on her right side.

She takes medication for high cholesterol. Currently she and her internist are deciding if she is “pre-diabetic.” Her parents had no reportable disorders, although her father, when he died at 89, may have been heading toward Alzheimer’s or some other related disability, in addition to his Parkinson’s. Peg, her mother, died at the age of 86.

Currently, in my mid-eighties, my only health-related “conditions” seem to be the result of normal aging. I once enjoyed walking, especially any associated with travel either in the US or in Europe. In our early eighties, we did not renew our passports. Neither Karen nor I currently have positive images of boarding an airplane and flying for ten hours. Nevertheless, I have hoped that in the post-COVID years, we might resume mall-walking and window-shopping in places like Old Town Spring. However, I have been reluctant to walk the grounds of Eagle’s Trace, an activity I enjoyed when we moved here almost twenty years ago.

Many years ago, Uncle Joe, who lived to be 92, gave me excellent advice about living. He maintained you could do whatever you wanted to do, so long as you did it slowly enough! Now that’s the way to really enjoy an organ recital.

Memory Bits

With the approach of our 64th wedding anniversary (2022), I’m reminded of one of our favorite gifts, one given to us by our three children for our sixtieth anniversary – a heavy, glass candy jar filled with pink, yellow, and blue strips of paper, each containing a memory of our family life as seen from their own perspectives. Some of their thoughts are summarized here, in no particular order.

Deb, using pink paper, wrote several comments about events which had a personal impact on her, ones, which, at the time, seemed to be so common that they are outside of my own memories. “D giving me chocolate for Valentines Day, when I was a lonely, feeling sorry for myself teenager. M being my role model for competence in usually male things: sports, mowing the lawn, fixing things. M [experimenting with] ambrosia and sourdough. D paying bills in front of us so we didn’t take things for granted. D being upset with me for wearing a funky old dress and cowboy boots to the job at the Medical Center. M coming to the last track meet [in high school] and I won my best [time] and she commented on how fast I was. [My] confronting her with being the tooth fairy due to an unconcealed dime in the envelope.”

There were also events which were important to Deb and Karen that are, of course, not part of my lifetime memories. “M loaned me clothes for plays [we had in high school.] M going to NYC [from Amherst] to buy [my] prom dress. M shopping for my wedding dress in Corpus.” There were also memories, which were part of my own interactions with her, that I do recall with mixed delight. “D trying to make spaghetti when Mom was gone. D could not swim in a straight line. D playing card games in Niles where the rules kept changing. D growing a beard while Mom and the boys were on vacation, and I realized I hadn’t looked at him all week. D coming to Syracuse to bring me home at the end of the semester in a snowstorm. D driving me to SA to check out Trinity and getting a flat on the way. Being sent out of his hospital room after gallbladder surgery for making him laugh too much.”

Deb also reported several memories of which I have no recollection, but probably should have. “D taking me to fireworks in Oregon when I was five and falling in a hole. D getting so mad at us for tossing a laundry bag after a trip and breaking the souvenir mug. They asked me to bring them beers outside and I brought them with ice in them and they supposed that it was a good thing I didn’t know beer wasn’t served like that.”

As was the case with Deb, Ken remembered events of a personal nature to him, but they were only of indirect notice to me or other members of the family. He wrote many of his comments in the third person on his strips of yellow paper. “[Mom and Dad] would let us open one present on Christmas Eve, and Ken took it upon himself to open a present of his choosing first thing in the morning on December 24th. Ken spent several hours verifying the accuracy of Dad’s first Texas Instruments desktop calculator. Dad drove Ken to the ER because he couldn’t walk after a fly landed on his scraped knee. Mom would beam at Ken when he would sing but would somehow manage to hear (and point out) all of the mistakes that he already knew he made. Mom laughed out loud as she typed Ken’s Psychology paper about S-E-X. We played the non-competitive Ungame as a family and it turned competitive. Disagreements were handled by sliding notes under the bedroom door.”

It also appeared that Ken was somewhat critical of my attire and, perhaps, of a few of my actions, when he wrote: “Dad would wear a Russian Karakul hat; it was certainly less embarrassing than his blue jean hat with the pocket on top. Dad used to wear turtlenecks and medallions (and had black hair.) Dad would wear a dragon ring. Dad would wear a headband to mow the lawn but would still have a bead of sweat dripping off his nose when he yelled at you. Dad would pull the keys out of the ‘63 Chevy station wagon while we were driving. Dad drove from Syracuse, NY to Niles, OH with the parking brake engaged. Dad would sit down at the kitchen table and explore every nuance when asked to explain the answer to a homework problem.”

Ken, however, was also interested in family outings when he wrote: “We were walking on campus at Cornell, and no one told Ken about the nude female model we had just passed. Dad and Ken walked up and down Bourbon Street [while Ken tried to look into the bars we passed, hoping to see an under-clad waitress.] We would go to the Huntsville prison rodeo. We saw the Harlem Globetrotters. We would go on liquor runs to New Hampshire [from Amherst.] We saw a snow streaker.”

He also remembers other family gatherings when he commented: “We would have to sit at the table until we finished our dinner or suffer the consequences of eating it for breakfast. {I don’t think that part ever happened.} The goal at dinner was to make Mom laugh until she choked or until Debbie had milk come out of her nose. We would eat Mom’s most popular dishes: sweet & sour pork, cubed steak sandwiches, Spanish rice, beef kidney, pot roast, shrimp casserole, Spluck and rice pudding. Mom had her 50th birthday party at Sally G’s house, accompanied by matching, giant, stuffed vultures.”

Ken recalled other events, which I now remember, but try to forget. “A mouse got trapped in the coil springs of the Hide-a-Bed. The cat died in the wall of the laundry room.” {Actually, she died in the ceiling.} Ken included several more positive memories of Karen, such as: “We would throw the football with Mom. Mom only wore clip-on-earrings. {I’m surprised that Ken, an English major who prefers exact wording, did not write: “Mom wore only clip-on-earrings.” On the other hand, the misplacement of “only” is one of my own pet peeves.} Ken, however, did recall the pleasant memory: “Mom would tuck us in for bed and always kiss us twice.”

Our youngest offspring, Christopher Paul, known years ago as “Kip,” had his own set of recollections about my personal foibles. “Dad being such a good sport; everyone would laugh at his lack of photographic expertise when taking pictures.” {I really didn’t take all that long before clicking the shutter!} “Dad’s use of the term Roloflex when talking about expensive watches. Everyone laughing about rolling Dad in sand after his gallbladder surgery. Dad sweating and staring down at me through his sunglasses when I would mess up while trying to help him build the brick patio [in our back yard in Amherst.] Dad trying to teach me to drive a stick shift in the Pinto; not very successful.”

Kip also had interesting reflections about Karen. “Several times at the family kitchen table keeping a story or joke going long enough to get Mom crying with laughter. Mom yelling at me to breathe when I’d cry so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. Jumping out of our second story window [in Amherst], while I was grounded, and calling Mom from a friend’s house to tell her of my escape. {Kip, at the time, was a literalist. He had been told he could not come downstairs; climbing out the window did not violate the mandate.} Mom and Dad always being Even Stephen during Christmas time, but the three matching, small TVs stick out.”

As the youngest, Chris also had different views about our family trips. One of his blue strips states: “Family trips: Washington D.C., Colonial Williamsburg (I think), and some maple syrup mountain where a guy tripped and cracked open his head. Catching hermit crabs in Nantucket and keeping them until they stunk up the place. Several years of seeing the East Coast in reverse, because I was sitting backwards in the station wagon the entire trip to Ohio.”

Although Debbie wrote items as personal memories, her words applied to events all of us recall from those early years. “Hiding Easter baskets, labeling Christmas gifts with secret codes. Making stars and wreaths out of straws and data-punch-cards. Locking keys in the trunk at the beach [in Galveston on a holiday weekend.] All of us [laughing and] sharing a love of words and double meanings. Staying up to watch the first moon landing.”

Yes, several of the recollections of our three offspring are similar to the ones I, myself, remember with fondness and have written about in this legacy in words. Others are held as personal memories by each of the now-aging adults in our family. I’m pleased they, too, will have their own legacies in words for those who follow them: our eleven grandchildren and our current eight, great-grandchildren. Each memory, whether on not it is written on a colored strip of paper, becomes another bit, another stone, of our beautiful, growing edifice, our family.

Time with Our Lady

Most of the time people can readily say what is up and what is down. I know when I’m looking above me, or below me. Except for one marvelous night at the University of Notre Dame.

Karen and I went to the university in South Bend, Indiana, for a week of study, prayer and reflection. We also looked forward to a brief vacation of living in a student dormitory, eating meals with giant football players, and attempting to recall what collegiate life had been like.

This opportunity came, many years ago, when we were deeply involved in spiritual direction. Back then, the University of Notre Dame offered multiple courses relating to this ministry. Classes were held during four, independent weeks each summer. Karen and I were not able to allocate our time for an entire series, but we could dedicate a week to participate in classes we thought we would enjoy; sometimes for the same subject, but usually different ones offered during the three summers we spent in South Bend.

This college town in northern Indiana can become very warm in July for buildings without air-conditioning. A midwestern dormitory room is very stifling in the evening when you really would like to be able to fall asleep. That is why, one evening, I went in search of a cool place to sit before another fruitless attempt to sleep indoors.

I found a bench below a canopy of what might have been poplar trees. I’m not a horticulturist, so I’m not sure of the species, but I do vividly recall the small, rounded leaves above me. Or were they below me?!

I lay peacefully on the bench. There were ornamental light-poles surrounding the miniature plaza I had found. Their illumination reflected on the leaves, turning them into gold coins against a black, velvet background. However, in my reclined position, half on my side and half on my back pressed against the bench, I was unsure if I saw these leaves suspended above me or floating on a quiet pond beneath me. I felt the breeze and, in magnificent comfort, marveled at the sight before my open eyes. It did not matter whether I was really looking toward the darkened heavens or deeply into a pool over which I floated. I’m not sure how long I rested there, not wanting to return to earth and a stuffy, dormitory enclosure. I was mesmerized by the brilliant luster of the coins I beheld. Finally, with deep sighs, I returned to the dorm before midnight, when its doors would be locked for the evening. On the other hand, perhaps there would have been an advantage having a valid reason to remain outside with God’s glory surrounding me.

Fortunately, this was not the only time I had a moving experience at the school dedicated to “Our Lady.”

There was the night of the electrical storm. There are few events more exciting, more awesome, than experiencing a lightening attack in a northern climate in midsummer, especially at night. The electrical power on campus had gone off, because of the fury of the storm, but the energy of the cosmos remained in full display outside our windows facing the golden dome of Notre Dame. It was impossible to count the number of flashes, or to determine the seconds between each illumination and the all-encompassing thunderous vibrations which attacked our ears and body simultaneously. Heavenly searchlights strobed the campus buildings and landscape outside our protective windowpanes. I do not recall how long the spectacle continued, nor how much damage resulted from the wind and downpours adding to the wonders of the storm. The next morning, on the way to the opening prayer service which began each day, there were numerous broken branches covering the walkways. I do not recall the results, but the wondrous recollections of the university’s golden dome bathed in heavenly light is not easily forgotten.

Or course, I also have fond memories of other events occurring at Notre Dame that are not part of the awesome nature of the divine. There are small, peaceful recollections. They include minutes for prayer in the grotto dedicated to, and modeled after, Our Lady of Lourdes in France. I’ve never visited the real one, but the Notre Dame version offered a quiet place for meditation.

Another quiet place was located along the trails high above the lake on the edge of the campus. After all, the complete name of the university is Notre Dame du Lac, so, it would be inappropriate for there not to be a lake. The university, of course, has two: St Joseph’s and St Mary’s. The trail around St Joseph’s passes the Seminary, which offers its own magnificent views of the campus, and an opportunity to visit the ducks which inhabit it.

I also remember Morning Prayer and Evening Prayer gatherings in various chapels and in the Basilica of the Sacred Heart with its huge, standing fans that blew warm air across the congregation, who would have preferred a cooler breeze but had to survive with what was available. A better way to attempt to be cool was the result of discovering the ice cream store hidden in the basement of one of the academic halls on the campus. The afternoon was not complete without having a cone to lick.

The events I remember from our visits to the University of Notre Dame are now aggregated within a mosaic of beautiful pieces. One of the major images I still hold somewhere in my memory is that of the “woman at the well” who sits there, listening to the Jesus across from her. I do not recall to which of the three summers this, or other images, are assigned, but it does not matter. Touchdown Jesus, who guards one exterior wall of the Hesburgh Library, can be seen and remembered every year. The same enduring recollection occurs with Moses, who stands in front of the Library, with unraised arm and finger indicating that those he leads remain “number one,” even if his toes are rubbed to a golden shine by each passing student – unless some wag has applied pink nail polish to them.

My personal, football-related event occurred one summer when I had time to walk to the Stadium and visit the office of Lou Holtz, the then-current coach. Lou and I had been fraternity brothers at Kent State. He was a magnificent comedian even back then; his additional wit and wisdom were honed over the intervening years. We had not seen each other since graduation, except for a few moments after a Texas-Arkansas game held in Houston. When I asked his secretary whether he was in and available, she replied that “coach” is never seen without an appointment, which she would be happy to make for me. Since she admitted Lou was, indeed, in his office, I asked her if she might inform him of my presence. She finally agreed and, a few moments later, returned with a surprised response that Lou would come out to meet me. My fraternity brother and I spent a very happy half-hour reminiscing about our days at KSU. When I finally left, his secretary still had a puzzled expression.

It’s also puzzling to me just how vivid the memories are of those visits to Notre Dame more than thirty years ago. On the other hand, I still have the blue, lightweight jacket I bought back then in the campus store. I’m reluctant, at times, to wear it, since I’m not really a graduate of Notre Dame. However, the three summers, when I was enrolled in classes there, do link me with the school more than some “streetcar” alumni who root for the Irish, but have never been to the campus. At least I ate and slept there. At the same time, like those other extended-alumni, I may not recall what I learned there.

I do not remember what lectures I attended, except for one instance involving a week-long course on the Enneagram, a study of personality types based upon nine different categories associated with ingrained behaviors. At the time, both Karen and I were deeply involved with learning more about ourselves and the ways we interact with other people. The week-long course was offered by “founders” of the technique. Of the nine types, I was a “five” – one with the behavior pattern of an intellectual, solitude-desiring, observer. My symbolic animal was the owl!

I remember that at the end of the week, the members of the class were to gather into nine groups reflective of their common behavior pattern. The half dozen or so of us who had self-identified as being a “five,” gathered on the lawn outside the Library. And there we sat. We quietly looked at one another, not saying a word. Until I finally commented to the effect, “Well, which half of us wants to sit here looking at the other half while they talk. That would show which of us are really ‘fives!’” We all laughed and began our discussion.

Perhaps this is why that night in South Bend, I so greatly enjoyed looking at golden coins suspended against the black, velvet curtain above me as well as those floating on the inky pool beneath me. It’s ok for a “five” to look both up and down, to keep observing the details – in all directions.

RenFest: Ye Goode Olde Dæg

There are times when I yearn for the good ol’ days, the truly old ones – real or imaginary. However, the real ones would probably not be to my liking, with their plagues and lack of plumbing, to say nothing of electricity. The imaginary days of the High Middle Ages or early Renaissance of Italy and England are more acceptable for fun when seen through the eyes of visitors to the Texas Renaissance Festival, called in the current age: RenFest.

The first time we passed through the wooden gate to its ancient-looking fields was in the autumn of 1978, a year after our arrival in Texas. Back then, it was a long drive to Plantersville, where the original buildings for the festival had been erected only a few years previously but seemed as if they had been transported to Texas from Europe centuries ago. Four decades later, the drive-time has increased, thanks to the traffic of some hundred-thousand visitors on a normal weekend. Additional buildings have been constructed that now include plumbing, and the lanes between them are less muddy than in the earliest years.

For many of the some twenty-odd times we’ve visited the Festival, we have been greeted by Madrigal singers who quickly set the ambience for all who enter the fairgrounds. Karen, during our faculty years in college towns, enjoyed singing with fellow Madrigals. I equally enjoyed listening to their concerts. On the other hand, it is even more enjoyable standing outdoors, with bright sunshine and a light breeze, while hearing lilting harmonies produced by young men and women in costumes relevant to the time in which they were composed. Yes, music, in general, is an essential part of the RenFest ambience, whether it comes from Madrigals or other performers with drums, lutes, flutes and crumhorns. The sound of a harpist among the trees is a transforming experience. For a different kind of musical interlude, a young man, lightly passing a wet finger around the rim of glasses containing varying volumes of water, can create a sound unmatched by a more formal instrument.

Troubadours, jongleurs, and minnesingers compete for attention as they wander through the wooded fields of RenFest. For nonverbal action, visitors can be fascinated by the antics of jugglers, knife throwers and fire eaters as they perform on stages throughout the festival grounds. These troupers are rivaled only by the mischief of jesters, including Dead Bob, a puppet on the arm of a man who has been entertaining his audiences for several decades.

Visitors, many dressed in authentic or in anachronistic costumes, add to the milieu. We discovered that their interactions within the crowds of people were even more entertaining the year when we brought with us our new associate vicar, Fr. Sunny, who had recently arrived from India. We told him we thought he should experience “wenches” while he was in the States. He was greatly amused by everything and everyone he saw, saying he had no idea Americans could dress so foolishly. He must have taken several rolls of photos during his hours with us at RenFest that year.

Although memories stored in the mind are the real treasures of a day at the festival, it is seldom possible to avoid buying something from the shoppes along the winding lanes of the fairgrounds. Can a passerby really not need another ceramic coffee mug or toothbrush holder? Or silver jewelry: rings, medallions, bracelets, or necklaces, each with or without gaudy gems.

The potential buyer can be readily enticed by many a skilled craftsman to purchase the wares crowding their wooden shelves. One year, I bought a cap made from a frayed pair of jeans positioned so that a hip-pocket is found on the top of it! I’m not sure how, another year, we managed to bring home a large, maple, wooden rocker for the corner of our living room. Yes, like at the real, annual, traveling fair of the 14th century, townspeople can be convinced by an itinerant merchant that a strange item is really a necessity for a happy life.

On the other hand, the real pleasure, albeit for a limited time, is not the trinket you buy but the food you consume in the fresh, open air. It is only under these conditions a person can eat an entire turkey leg. Followed by a funnel-cake weighed down with a quarter inch of confectioner’s sugar, or by an elephant’s ear of equal size and complexity. A more sensible treat might be a scotch-egg, but who eats sensibly at an outdoor fair on a sunny afternoon?

This year of 2020, however, might lead to a more sensible result in what one eats. Part of the pleasure in all previous years of RenFest has been noshing while walking. The fun comes in trying not to miss your mouth while avoiding bumping into the costumed crowds on every side. But, for this year of Covid-19, there is a new requirement. Those who eat must remain in seated and socially distanced sites. No longer can you carry that turkey leg as you move to the next venue.

As in the real Middle Ages, a plague has returned to the town, the countryside and the fairgrounds. No longer may you see the foot-long, pointy mask stuffed with pungent herbs worn by 14th century physicians, but face masks are again visible. They may be plain or decorated like the ones worn by Venetians in the days before Mardi Gras and the beginning of a sober Lent. Merriment has not mutated in a thousand years, even if the pandemic has.

The New Normal

Over the last year (2021), much has been written about returning to “normal” or accommodating to a “new normal.” Many people long for a return to a time before COVID-19 and its growing effects. Before 2020, who thought about social distancing except in terms of crossing the street to avoid a particular person you did not want to meet – a former friend with whom you had a bitter argument, a thuggish-looking man, or even a panhandler. Fist bumping was confined to teenagers, perhaps those bordering on delinquency. A person entering a bank while wearing a mask was a threat to everyone present. Waiting in a doctor’s office with only a few patients sitting on the other side of the room meant that the physician probably was not really one you wanted to see.

There was a time when one driver could express annoyance with another driver and not fear being shot as a result of their different opinions on the validity of an action. In fact, many claim there was a time when someone with a different opinion on either politics or other social issues was not automatically thought to be a demon, deserving imprisonment in an everlasting Hell.

There was also a time when children walked or were bussed to school every day. Afterwards, they might mess around at the local mall before going home to watch a current TV broadcast. According to many observers, that was the era which existed before our “new normal.” On the other hand, I now wonder if there ever was a time when events were truly “normal.”

Was it normal when our own parents were young and were concerned about the Spanish flu? Was their response with the Charleston a normal one along with the other events of the Roaring Twenties to which they wanted to return when the Great Depression arrived? Perhaps the growth of food lines and the dust bowl of the Midwest was the new normal. It was unlikely, however, that many people wanted to return to the Hoover years when FDR became president and the new normal of war in Europe and Asia occupied everyone’s lives.

Following D-Day and, shortly thereafter, in August 1945, with the dropping of an atomic bomb on Hiroshima and on Nagasaki, we entered years of a new normal, the silent generation, a time when students trained to hide under their school desks, while their parents dug shelters in backyards across America. Were the years of the Cold War, the construction of the Berlin wall, and Nikita Khrushchev’s shoe-banging more normal than the new normal after Michael Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin or Vladimir Putin came into power? Did Americans prefer the normal events during the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the First and Second Gulf Wars, the Afghanistan War or the invasions of Cuba or of Granada? Was the time of the Cuban Missel Crisis, albeit brief, a time for a new normal? Should incursions into Ukraine or rocket launches of North Korea become the new normal?

How many adapted to the spread of polio viruses in the new normal of the mid-forties and were reluctant, in the mid-fifties, to have either themselves or their children be injected with the Salk vaccine or require them to consume sugar cubes laced with the Sabin vaccine? In fact, when did the routine vaccination for smallpox, whooping cough, chicken pox, rubella and mumps, as well as for measles, become the new normal for children entering school? Were the years of HIV and AIDS to be longed for when the new normal of vaccines and other treatments became available?

On the social front, did the march from Selma to Montgomery Alabama usher in a new normal? Or did the assignation of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the riots in Washington, D.C. in 1968 initiate a new normal in the civil rights movement until the assignation of George Floyd began another new normal? What kind of a new normal has arisen because of the latest riot or insurrection in Washington, D.C. on January 6, 2021?

How does a new normal differ from a change, a significant change, in our social life? Do we attempt to change the present without really knowing what we truly want for the future and directing our efforts toward this desire?

Most humans have a tendency to fear change; they desire to maintain the status quo. They seek the normal. The problem is that the current normal may never have been normal! Although it might appear that in the Middle Ages there were decades when little really changed, when the life of one’s grandparents mirrored the life of most living peasants, this was not really the case. The Renaissance did not arrive out of nothingness. The Age of Enlightenment was preceded by another new normal when sailing ships circumnavigated the globe. The Industrial Age of steam power was the new normal until replaced by electric power. Coal was the new normal before gas, solar and wind became the latest resources desired by that Industry, an Industry of machines which has become an Industry of Service.

Change may bring about either destruction or production. Change may be for either the better or for the worse. Change can be thwarted or promoted. Change and a new normal are inevitable. There is an ancient motto: Non progredi est regredi … not to go forward is to go backward. This may be the only conclusion that never changes!

Reading Room

Every English manor house comes with its own reading room, which is my favorite site in movies about the Brits, whether they are cozy mysteries or variations of Downton Abbey. We, of course, never lived in a place with a separate library, although we came close during our first year in Corvallis, Oregon, a town not like any thatched-roof village in the mid-lands. Nevertheless, our rental home did include a formal study with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves along three walls and a large window with its own built-in bench. Although those English films might have the hero, or especially the heroine, reading while lounging in that nook, I never cozied up in ours, with a book in hand. I preferred a more comfortable chair. The ideal one would have a soft, wing-back on which I could rest my head while traveling to far-off times and places.

I actually found such a chair and a special location during the four years I lived in Ithaca, New York and attended Cornell University. Being a graduate student, who was suppose to be either experimenting in the biochemistry laboratory or studying in a cramped corral in the library, I enjoyed escaping, several time a week, to the library in Willard Straight Hall. This Student Center, designed as an English collegiate hall, had a magnificent two-story library with its own quiet nooks and comfortable wing-back chairs. With great guilt, I occupied one of them to become engrossed with science-fiction stories in lieu of the biochemical facts I should have been examining, elsewhere. After all, reading was the only way in which to separate a beleaguered mind from the surrounding reality. Now, there are computer games and social-media to benumb the overactive brain. Back then, there were only books.

I became addicted to them at an early age, although I cannot recall where I consumed them. I remember how much I enjoyed fairy-tales when I was in elementary school. There were the classic offerings of the Grimm Brothers and Hans Christian Anderson. At the time, I did not realize that they were actually psychological texts designed for educating the minds of children about the world to come. Later in life, I realized that mythology from Greece, Rome, Scandinavia, Japan and the American tribal nations had the same mission.

I probably engaged in these adventures while tucked away in my bedroom, although I do not recall any special furniture I required for my fictional travels. No doubt my bed was the locale, since I do recall piles of books piled on the night-stand beside it. I seldom confined myself to finishing one book before starting another. Science-fiction and mysteries written under the name of Ellery Queen could be readily intermingled. The Roman Hat Mystery and The Greek Coffin Mystery mixed well with stories by Ray Bradbury and Isaac Asimov. Most of them were read in daily, noon-hour sessions in the Niles McKinley library, a block away from my high school, where I spent most of the time allotted for the mid-day lunch, carried there in brown-bags which the librarian must have ignored. A site near the front door had comfortable chairs and plenty of fiction books for spontaneous reading during rainy weather or cold, wintery, slush-filled days. However, most of my reading-for-fun was undertaken during the summer months and in outdoor settings.

Since reading during the school year was required mainly for course work, June through August would be set aside for reading other books. The best place was on the swing, either on the porch of the house we rented, or the one hidden by a tall, pine tree in front of my grandmother’s farm-house. Reading for pleasure became part of a slow, back-and-fourth movement. Later, this pleasure could be derived from the swing, itself, while contemplating the thoughts in my mind coming from sources other than printed words on a page.

Several years ago, I discovered it is possible to read while engaged in another form of movement. It is not difficult to read from an e-book while pedaling a stationary bike in the gym at Eagle’s Trace. While I’m quite willing to read from an electronic book, I am still partial to the one with hand-turned pages. I also admit that some books are so heavy that they can be wearisome to hold and difficult to prop up on one’s stomach. When reading fiction, I am reluctant to sit at a table or desk, as I once had to do in order to pursue the contents of a science text.

Many people claim to enjoy reading while sitting in an open café and sipping a cup; I prefer to watch people passing by, rather than confine my sight to mere letters. There are multiple forms of isolation; in some, the observer can see more of the immediate world than the one held in the mind, itself.

Outdoor reading and observing can be compatible. Indoor reading is usually devoid of an opportunity for observation of the world around us. I do, however, enjoy sitting in a comfortable lounge chair with my feet up, while engaging in reading current novels, mysteries, science-fiction, history or philosophy. There is a time when I found multi-tasking to be possible – watching TV and reading during the commercials. Concentration is now more difficult. The same is true for reading in bed.

There were years, not too long ago, when I did a lot of reading while reclining on a day-bed couch in my study. Late at night, I may still spend twenty or thirty minutes propped up in my bed, which can be adjusted to various positions for comfortable reading. However, when reclining, my tendency is to close my eyes much sooner than I once did.

During my early years, reading fiction or even non-fiction was required in order to move away from the surrounding world. My thoughts were made from the words of other people. Now, in recent years, I have found that contemplation and meditation do not depend upon the written word. I am content to confine my reading room to the space within my own mind. It abides within me no matter where I roam.

Bibliophile

A recent issue of the Houston Chronicle (July 2022) had an essay by Chris Vognar entitled: Bookstores Offer a Sacred Space to Find Comfort. His premise captured me, although he had little to say, specifically, about the sacredness of bookstores he has known. Rather, his focus was on the demise of independent bookstores, especially during the economic collapse associated with the COVID epidemic, when so many small businesses could no longer sustain themselves. His words, however, led me to my own reflection on bookstores, which, at times in my life, I have found to be, indeed, sacred places dedicated to a spiritual existence beyond the mundane. There have been many chapels, many oratorios, in my academic life. A college town cannot exist without at least one place to congregate with others or to isolate oneself for meditation in a hidden alcove.

Of course, there is also the opposite, warehouse-like space for the sale of required textbooks. In these cathedrals, the seeker’s quest is to locate the desired course number on the small card taped to metal racks holding all of the books the professor wants students to purchase before their class begins. The only true decision is whether to buy a new copy or one which, like Harry Potter’s potions manual, has been underlined and annotated by someone who may have added either helpful guidelines or markers toward erroneous bypaths. Being enrolled in science courses, I chose new editions in which to preserve my own personal notes to be kept for reference years later.

I seldom sold my texts back to the bookstore at the end of the term. In fact, the basic biochemistry book I used during graduate school may still be found tucked away in the bottom of my cabinet of collegiate relics. Yes, the storage of old books is a significant problem when they are treated like Jewish scripture which cannot be destroyed, but only buried for discovery centuries later.

Over the years, I’ve tried to reduce the number of bookcases containing editions purchased long ago and seldom reread. Moving has been helpful, since old, un-reread books have been the first items for disposal. All else becomes easier to eliminate, once the decision has been made to downsize my library.

When I began my academic life, my books were shelved on wooden boards supported by red bricks which could be reassembled to conform to the height of their content. When we lived in Oregon, our old house had a study with build-in bookshelves lining three walls. They were completely occupied by books, not with any extraneous do-dads.

Most college towns have at least two sacred spaces dedicated to quiet contemplation of the written word. There is the on-campus bookstore devoted mainly to orthodox studies. In the town, itself, there may be a small shrine for solitude among the hard- and soft-backs gathered for perusal. In most of them, the icons are arranged in denominational order, fiction or nonfiction, with subcategories of romance or action, sci-fi or reality, novels or poetry as well as biological or physical sciences, politics or economics, and mathematics or astrology.

However, my favorite bookstore had its unique method for alluring consumers. The Odyssey Bookstore in South Hadley Massachusetts, the site of Mount Holyoke College, organized its shelves according to the names of the publishing houses. If the exploring customer did not know the name of the publisher of the sought-after book, the first stop was made at the desk holding copies of the Latest Books in Print. Having consulted this oracle, the supplicant would move on to the underground cavern of books in search of the section housing all of the works of the given publisher. Within each publishing house section, the books, themselves, were arranged according to authors.

On the surface, this may seem to be an inefficient way to organize books. However, for the store it was a magnificent way to sell them! Instead of being held captive in a section called, for example, Medieval History, the reader would be confronted by books on every imaginable topic. The Odyssey’s goal was for the explorer to pass through strange lands and, perhaps, spot an exotic species which would entice a purchase that would never have been made if he had been on a routine quest for a previously identified creature. Although I was frequently enthralled by this strategy, I usually did not succumb to it, because of another condition I had, “Option Glut.”

I enjoy wandering through bookstores, spotting titles of editions I would enjoy reading. There are few areas of knowledge that do not intrigue my interest. Every offering I see in a bookstore appears to have potential for becoming a favorite way to spend several hours of my life. The mere size of the collection of books surrounding me leads to this condition of “glut.” Having too many choices, I’m unable to make any choice at all! I look. I am enticed. I walk away. I may not even buy the book which I had planned to purchase when I came into the shop.

However, this condition of “Option Glut” has not significantly reduced the number of books I have bought over the last six decades! Even with downsizing, our current apartment has five large bookcases, two in my room and one each in Karen’s room, in our bedroom and in our living room.

When COVID 19 changed our life patterns, I made the decision to reduce the size of my personal collection. Although, upon moving to Eagle’s Trace, I gave a bookcase of theological writings to the library at St Mary’s Seminary, and Karen made similar donations of her spirituality books to The Cenacle and to Eagle’s Trace, we still have books overflowing our storage capabilities. However, my current protocol requires that I read, or at least scan, every book before I retire it.

I must admit there may be a deep psychological problem associated with a reduction of my personal library. Many years ago, I told myself that, before I died, I’d read every book I own. This self-vow may have led to my not finishing a number of books I’ve started to read! At the same time, I may fear that reducing the number of books I own may decrease the number of years left in my life. I also believe a comfortable recliner in my apartment is even a better place for contemplation than a bookshop with its own soft chair. Thus, I remain a bibliophile and eschew becoming a bibliophobe, regardless of the vow I made long ago!

New Words – Old Ideas

“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’ ’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’ ’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”

Members of today’s culture seem to be close followers of Mr. Dumpty. They employ words I have a great difficulty in understanding. One of them is “Woke Generation.” According to some sources, this phrase originated as part of African-American Vernacular English. I seem to recall hearing about Black Speech, or nonstandard English, many years ago, although I lost track of it when “rapping” became popular. I am unaware of when such words were formalized as AAVE.

Nevertheless, the Woke Generation became evident more than ten years ago. The phrase identified those who were alert to the conditions leading to racial prejudice and discrimination. The term became broadened to include awareness of other social inequalities, such as sexism. Its focus was enlarged from an interest limited to the effects of white privilege on Blacks and of reparations for descendants of formerly enslaved people to a focus that would include all issues relating to social justice. Activists in the Black Lives Matter movement began to use the term to include those who urge awareness of police abuses. At the same time, the words “woke generation” were employed by Conservatives as a pejorative to include those who follow an intolerant and moralizing ideology in which political correctness has gone too far.

This, of course, brings us to the term, Political Correctness. Originally, the words were used to identify and avoid any language, policies, or actions that might give offense, or result in a disadvantage, to members of particular groups in society, especially minorities or those considered to be “disadvantaged.” Again, the phrase became a pejorative with an implication that any inclusions, relating to these referenced policies, are excessive or unwarranted.

Humpty Dumpty was alive and well. He became the subject of academic investigations labeled: Critical Race Theory. Discussion of the topic originally was limited to a cross-disciplinary intellectual and social movement of civil-rights scholars and activists who examined the intersection of race and law as applied to racial justice. They studied whether racism is the result of complex changing social and institutional dynamics rather than from the explicit and intentional prejudices of individuals. Are the interests of white people, in relationship with those of people of color, due to governmental laws that are not neutral, but play significant roles in maintaining racially unjust social order? Accordingly, CRT would maintain that race is not “biologically grounded,” but is a social construct used by a white society to oppress and exploit people of color.

In the last few years, this advanced academic study has moved into the general population, who questions whether it should be taught at elementary and secondary educational levels in public schools. As a result, Conservative lawmakers have sought to ban or restrict the instruction of CRT, along with other anti-racism education, so that the predominate white society will not feel shamed for its former actions.

Part of the problem involves the use of “narrative” in describing the history of people. In one narrative, people of color, considered outsiders in mainstream US culture, are portrayed in media and law through stereotypes and stock characters that have been adapted over time to shield the dominant culture from discomfort and guilt. One narrative begins with slaves in the 18th-century Southern States depicted as childlike and docile. Harriet Beecher Stowe adapted this stereotype, through her character Uncle Tom, rendering him as a gentle, long-suffering, pious Christian. Following the Civil War, the African-American woman was depicted as a wise, care-giving “Mammy” figure. During the Reconstruction period, African-American men were stereotyped as brutish and bestial, a danger to white women; the epic film The Birth of a Nation, celebrating the actions of the Ku Klux Klan, was an example of this narrative. During the Harlem Renaissance, African-Americans were depicted as “musically talented” and “entertaining.” Al Jolson, a white minstrel-man, preserved this image. Following World War II, African Americans were portrayed as cocky and street-smart or as a safe, comforting, cardigan-wearing, TV-sitcom character.

Very recently, the narrative for race has been expanded as a result of comments by Whoopie Goldberg, a successful Black entertainer, who said that the Holocaust was an example of man’s inhumanity against man, in which both the master and the victim were white people. She has been criticized for an erroneous interpretation, since it was the Jewish race that was the victim of the Nazis who, as the Aryan race, sought to exterminate what they called the inferior Jewish race. As a result, her appearance on a daily TV show was cancelled for three weeks, even though she recanted her error.

This event calls to mind another phrase, Cancel Culture, which is a modern form of ostracism more often used in debates on free speech and censorship rather than for a television program. With this term, Conservatives refer to those who are perceived to have suffered disproportionate reactions as a result of politically incorrect speech. In these instances, support is withdrawn, or cancelled, for public figures who have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive. According to them, cancel culture resembles vigilante justice employed to punish and shame dissenters.

Yes, Humpty Dumpty appears to be alive and well, using words according to his own definitions. On the other hand, Lewis Carroll, penned another short rhyme, one which may have future relevance: ”Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall/ Humpty Dumpty had a great fall/ All the king’s horses and all the king’s men/ Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

Thanksgiving Days

Is “thanksgiving” a day or a condition? During much of my younger life, it was merely the fourth Thursday of November, when I would be forced to endure a visit “up-the-hill,” the site where my father’s family lived. We always went there for this annual event.

My grandparents and their unmarried children lived in the old homestead. In other reflections, I have described this place. However, for memories of Thanksgiving meals consumed there, I need mention only the first floor which held two kitchens – one for eating and one for cooking and storing everything else needed for the family’s existence.

As for the Thanksgiving dinner, itself, there were always two meats: some sort of beef and some form of chicken. Occasionally, they might be replaced with pork chops or sausage. I cannot remember ever having a turkey on that table. Of course, there would be spaghetti, served in a bowl approximately the size of one used for bathing a small child. The salad bowl was almost as large. There must have been cooked vegetables as well, but they are not part of my recollection. It’s likely they were string beans or beets, since these were the only readily available canned crops from my grandfather’s large garden. After all, it was November, long after fresh produce would be available. Dessert would usually be apple pie and pumpkin pie. A real treat would be mincemeat pie, but it was not served nearly as often as I would have liked.

During dinner, there would be Italian conversation, which is everyone shouting simultaneously in Italian without anyone really listening to what was proclaimed. At least, this is what I assumed to be the case. Since neither my mother nor I understood Italian, I’m really not sure what information was ever exchanged during mealtime.

After the meal was finished, there was an opportunity for card-playing. No evening, and especially Thanksgiving evening, would be complete without a friendly exchange of insults over a hand of Hearts. The alternative would be a game of Canasta, which was accompanied by complaints of too much “freezing the pile.” The game would end when the number of angry players exceeded the number of non-angry relatives or when Uncle Joe would take his nap – whichever came first.

During the years when I lived in Niles, I spent Thanksgiving according to this unchanging pattern. When I left Niles for my four years at Kent State, I was able to avoid going home for the Holiday, even though almost every other student in this commuter college did vacate its dorms and fraternity houses. I, personally, enjoyed a quiet dinner at the Robin Hood, the main restaurant on the edge of the campus.

For the first four years of our marriage, it was expected that Karen and I would split Thanksgiving Day between our two families. At the time, we were living in Ithaca, New York. We went, first, to Sandusky to spend Wednesday and half of Thursday with Karen’s parents and brother. Her sister, Tami, lived in another state, but it was not required that she and her husband return to her hometown for family dinners on the holidays.

We always went to Sandusky before going to Niles, in eastern Ohio, where we could “stop” on our way back to New York. It was expected that there would be a full Thanksgiving meal for lunch in Sandusky and another one for dinner in Niles, with my parents. Actually, this procedure did not go according to plan for our first post-wedding Thanksgiving. An extensive snowstorm in northern Ohio prevented our drive from Sandusky to Niles on Thursday afternoon. We enjoyed an overnight stay in Cleveland, as described in another recollection, The Honeymoon. Our second Thanksgiving dinner was on Friday in Niles.

When we moved farther East, to New Hampshire, our attendance at a Thanksgiving celebration in Ohio was cancelled. Our move to Oregon resulted in the discontinuation of Christmas in Ohio, as well. By then, we were building our own nuclear family, and it was acceptable for holidays to be focused on our own children. Thanksgiving dinner for the five of us consisted of the traditional turkey and stuffing, which had to be made from Pepperidge Farm bread cubes, sausage and turkey liver! Of course, lime Jell-O with fruit cocktail was also mandatary, even if the Pilgrims never had it.

As the years passed, we added other relatives to our Thanksgiving dinner. When we retired and moved to Eagle’s Trace, changes occurred. Our children and grandchildren became responsible for providing the gathering site. Sometimes, Karen and I would join with either Deb and her husband or with Chris, Kelly and their girls at a local hotel buffet. In recent years, with the growth of the independent families of our children and grandchildren, Karen and I have begun to participate with our own friends in the Thanksgiving dinner provided by our retirement community.

After our marriage and the beginning of a new family, the appearances of a Norman Rockwell dinner were there, but the feelings of the true meaning of the day came much later, when our daughter and two sons would gather with us and their extended families for a special meal. It was then that I began to realize what family gratitude really meant.

On the side wall in the kitchen “up-the-hill,” there was a picture of an old man praying over a bowl of porridge and a loaf of bread on his own table, which also held a bible and a pair of reading glasses. Many years later, Uncle Joe gave me this illustration, knowing how much it had been my favorite. It now hangs on our own kitchen wall.

So, yes, I am very thankful for the hours we spent talking and laughing as we consumed our Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful for the presence of all of us gathered around a table in different parts of our country where we lived at the time. On the other hand, maybe the image of an old man praying over a loaf of bread, a bowl of porridge and a bible is what Thanksgiving really should mean for all of us.

Merry Christmases

The Christmas season is supposed to be “the happiest time of the year.” That may be true for secular carols heard on radio and seen on TV for the weeks between Thanksgiving and December 25, but in real life, at least my real life, this has not always been my perception. When I was very young, I did have hope and happiness, but they disappeared as the years dragged on.

I do recall with nostalgic fondness a few Christmas Eves of my very early childhood, that time before I recognized what family life actually held for me. The evening of December 24 was celebrated with a gathering at the Moransky farm in Mineral Ridge, the place where my mother had lived and where I was born.

The evening began with a dinner in the family dining room; a second dining room, the formal dining room, was seldom used, even if it held a table and chairs that would accommodate a medium sized gathering for a meal. That formal dining room was used only during a wake or for very special occasions. The real dinners were served in an informal, slightly larger room between the front parlor and the kitchen. This was more of a “commons” room, one where relatives gathered for coffee and conversations, or if a sewing or other craft project was underway.

For holiday meals, my aunts would bring casseroles from home. The main course would be prepared by my grandmother in her own kitchen. For Christmas eve, there was, of course, no meat to be served. Well before the modifications of the Second Vatican Council, December 24 was a major day for fast and abstinence. The fasting obligation ended with the Christmas Eve dinner, but the abstinence from all meat products remained firmly in place. Thus, my grandmother would prepare something with fish, but there were usually sufficient alternatives so I could always find something that was edible.

I do remember the straw. In commemoration of the stable origin of Christmas, a Polish dinner table always had bits of straw tucked under the tablecloth. A few pieces always stuck out as a visual reminder of the event. We were a very happy group of relatives smashed together around the one table. Unlike at other events during the rest of the year, there was no separate eating location for children. Somehow, chairs brought from every room in the house could be placed around the dinner table, thanks to the two new “leaves” added to increase its length.

The meal would end with the sharing of the oplatek (pronounced: opwatek) which was a wafer-thin bread that looked like a large communion host. It would be passed around the table and each person would break off a piece to be consumed together as a blessing prayer was recited by all of us. And then, for some mysterious reason, my Uncle Chuck would ask for his shaving mug; it seemed he had a sudden urge to shave! As I grew older, I recognized that the shaving mug looked a lot like a handbell.

While Uncle Chuck shaved, the rest of us continued to nibble on cookies and sip coffee or milk. Then we heard Santa ring his handbell from the second parlor, the one next to the formal parlor used only for wakes and special occasions (like that other dining room!) This was the signal that we could leave the dinner table and enter that second parlor where the decorated Christmas tree was located. Now there were presents under it. Santa had left his early gifts, one for each of us. The night ended with carols and sleepy kids packed off in cars for their trips home.

Christmas Day, itself, would begin with an early Mass for my mother and me. In the afternoon, we would head “up-the-hill” for Christmas dinner with my father’s family. It would be followed, as usual, with card-playing. There was no difference in a Christmas gathering and the one for Thanksgiving.

Shortly after I turned seven, the Moransky gathering was no longer held. Until I left for college, my parents and I continued to “go-up-the hill” on Christmas Day. During those remaining years before college, Christmas, itself, was a dreary time. A few days before Christmas, my mother would give me her annual present, usually clothing of some sort. I would give her another bottle of Evening in Paris cologne. For my sophomore year of high school, I received a desk for my bedroom. For my first year in college, I received a reel-to-reel tape recorder.

My Christmas season was not a time for happy exchanges among relatives. There would usually be a family argument about putting up and taking down the tree a few days before and after December 25. It was also the annual time for other blowup, as my father would pronounce there would be major changes for the new year, with the implication that there would be less money for anything except absolute necessities.

Later in life, with great effort, I introduced significant changes in my personal celebration of Christmas with my own family. Over the years, the Day became a major time for a newly formed family gathering. I looked forward with pleasure, and not with dread and anxiety, to happy hours with all of our offspring.

Later, as the family expanded into another generation, I truly enjoyed our rooms filled with active kids in our home on Christmas day. There were times I would have preferred those gifts be unwrapped with some sense of order, but no matter how sedately they started, the event usually ended with everyone tearing open packages at the same time.

The days prior to the twenty-fifth we tried to keep guesses about packages under the tree to a minimum. Each year, there was a different coding system devised to lessen the chances of knowing who was receiving which package(s). Our bright youngsters usually deciphered the code within a few hours of the presents being placed in view under the tree.

Over the decades the sequence of events has varied. The Christmas Eve mass, once attended by all of the adults, now has a limited gathering. Often Karen and I have gone, after an early mass, to Chris’ home for dinner.

The Chinese lunch on Christmas Day has disappeared. (Strangely, we found that only Chinese restaurants were open on December 25.) However, attempts have been made to hold a Christmas lunch for as many as may be able to attend sometime the week before, or a few days after, Christmas Day. The venue has varied between Oriental Gardens and the Brookwood Cafe.

In these last retirement years, our apartment can no longer accommodate three children, their spouses, our eleven grandchildren and our eight great-grandchildren. Since they have their own families and a need for their own celebrations, our expanded family now assembles at Ken’s home, with his large clan, a few days after December 25 for the exchange of gifts. Yes, now the Twelve Days of Christmas are, indeed, the “happiest time of the year.”

Another New Year

Tradition says that January First begins a new year, one with joyful expectations. Not quite true in reality, at least for me. As I’ve written in other reflections, my own “new” year, for many years, began with September and the start of the academic year. When I was a young boy, the evening of December 31 did mean I could, officially, stay up late to listen to the events happening in New York City, a wonder-world away from me, both in time and in space.

That last day of December was spent doing a little bit of everything, I would like to do in the following twelve months. My own tradition maintained that what you did on the last day of the year was a portent of every day of the future. In the evening, while listening to the radio, I created a personal calendar for the coming year. With a booklet format, I made numbered boxes and, on the top of each page, drew a picture to illustrate the month. I’m not sure I actually used the finished project during the next months. By the time I was in junior high school, I was committed to my daily journal entries and had no need for a separate calendar.

The actual celebration of New Year’s Eve never occurred in my house. New Year’s Day was merely another day, except my father would usually become angry and reiterate how we were not to take any funds he put in the kitchen cup unless it was used to buy food for the family. While growing up, New Year’s Day was not one for joyful celebrations.

I had hoped that this past could be set aside once Karen and I began our own family. I seem to remember we did get to a dance at Idora Park in Youngstown for our first New Year’s Eve together. In the following years, we may have met with neighbors in Hanover or in Amherst for some drinks to welcome in the New Year. I do not recall going out to any special place to celebrate. In general, the holiday was rather humdrum, better than during my growing-up years, but still not what one sees portrayed in the media.

When we moved to Houston, our boys discovered fireworks. Along the Gulf Coast, the explosion of strings of crackers and the twirling of sparklers was part of the traditional celebration for this holiday. Karen and I would sit on the balcony of our New Orleans colonial house in Ponderosa and caution Ken and Chris to be careful where they tossed their firecrackers in the front street, a safe place away from the surrounding pine trees. We never did venture to a commercial site to see a display for New Year’s, although when we lived in the Longwood development in Cypress, which encompassed the Old Tin Hall, we did hear the explosions and see the lights of those set off by this Texas dance hall for its customers.

Moving to the retirement community of Eagle’s Trace did provide an opportunity to return to the ambience of a neighborhood. For the first two years living here, we attended the New Year’s Eve Dance held in the Garden Room, one of the dining areas for the community. However, staying awake and active after midnight, local time, became a challenge. In later years, we moved our venue back to our apartment and shared a glass of champaign or other sparkling wine, as we watched the televised gathering in Times Square at eleven o’clock, Houston time. The new year, itself, was to be seen with closed eyes.

There were also years when we decided we would like to see the transition from one year to the next in a different kind of celebration. We found it pleasant, and with its own unique joy, to join others for a special service at the Cenacle, the nearby retreat center where Karen donated much of her time as a spiritual director. It was an opportunity for prayer and reflection. At midnight, the retreatants gathered for fellowship and munchies.

From a religious viewpoint, during my earliest years as a Roman Catholic in Niles, New Year’s Day was associated with the Circumcision of Jesus, a week after his birth. Attendance at mass was obligatory. Later, the focus for this holy day was changed from a Jewish-Christian tradition to one, for Roman Catholics, emphasizing the Solemnity of Mary, the Holy Mother of God. Attendance at mass was still obligatory, but there were fewer who attend this liturgy than that of Christmas Eve. To encourage attendance, the mass for New Year’s Eve was often held at 6:00 p.m. so that worshipers could still transfer from a church to a ballroom for the secular events of the evening.

On the other hand, Karen and I have found that participation in reflection and prayer, along with the fellowship gathering that came afterwards, was a rewarding way to enjoy New Year’s Eve, which marks the ending of old experiences and the beginning of new expectations. After all, if holy days can become holidays, it’s possible for a holiday to be celebrated as a holy day.

February Days

The month of February has its limited number of days, thanks to Julius Caesar, but it also may have more holidays than any other month. Not everyone celebrates all of them, but those who do appear to be very enthusiastic about those they choose to follow.

I am puzzled, however, regarding folks who get excited about the behavior, on the Second Day of the month, of a small, yet pudgy, critter. According to the Pennsylvania Dutch, if he is scared by seeing his shadow in bright sunlight, he will retreat to his burrow, and there will be six more weeks of wintery weather. I can understand how the Chamber of Commerce of Punxsutawney, PA, would tout this viewpoint, but it is a strange alternative to the religious origin relating to Candlemas and celebrating, in the early Christian church, the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple and the concomitant Purification of Mary.

Nevertheless, a groundhog’s shadow may be as relevant to one’s well-being as the blessing of throats on the Feast of St. Blaise, held on the following day. I recall how, as a youngster, I was expected to have the priest place candles on both sides of my neck, as he recited the appropriate prayer to ensure I would not have a sore throat during the next six weeks. Fortunately, the candles were not lit at the moment of the blessing. I do not remember how therapeutic the procedure might have been.

The holiday associated with the middle of the month, February 14, is celebrated by more people than those who follow the behavior of a groundhog, even if he had his own movie. Valentine’s Day, with its estimated annual commercial value in excess of 25 billion dollars, is outdone by only Christmas and Halloween, two other holidays that originated as holy days for early Christians. However, following the Second Vatican Council, it seems that St Valentine has lost his sacred role, while retaining his secular followers.

As a child, St Valentine’s Day was not one of my own favorite, publicly supported holidays. I remember that each homeroom held a large, white-papered box with symmetrical red hearts glued to it. Into this slotted box, kids placed their cards to be distributed to fellow classmates, like a mail-call in military camps. I seldom received more than two or three cards in return for the ones I had purchased for every member of the class. At home, there was no expectation of flowers or of heart-shaped, candy-filled boxes.

In the public forum of school and business, Valentine’s Day did outperform the holidays which came before and after the sending of cards, flowers and candy. On February 12, school kids recalled Lincoln’s Birthday, and, on February 22, we remembered Washington’s Birthday, which was usually more important than Abe’s day. The color blue was added to the red and white that had been displayed for St Valentine. Heads with colonial wigs were more prevalent than those with beards. We may have been freed from classes on the day dedicated to Washington, but never for Lincoln. Neither President was commercialized. That process had to wait until Presidents’ Day replaced the two, separate remembrances.

In 1968, federal law established the concept of a three-day government-endorsed holiday, with Monday added to allow for an extended weekend. Abe and George were set aside as individuals. They were now joined together for a single national holiday on the third Monday in February. On that day, banks and post-offices were closed, and every store selling a product was opened for extended business. Now, in the second decade of the third millennium, it appears that Presidents’ Day has become Presidents’ Month, a month of sales. The event is a financial bridge, along with Valentine’s Day, between Christmas and Easter.

Although Easter, itself, must wait for either late March or early April for its celebration, the month of February does allow for Mardi Gras, the “Fat Tuesday,” which precedes Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the forty days of Lent. When I was growing up, this Creole-French holiday was not part of my Italian-Polish heritage. I was well aware of the time when we would say “farewell to meat,” but carnivals were summertime events, not a two-week merriment of parties and parades in midwinter.

Ash Wednesday was the beginning of almost six weeks of going without candy, desserts and other goodies. Lent was a period of fasting interrupted by only St. Patrick’s Day and, a few days later, by St. Joseph’s Day. Living in Niles, which was divided between Irish and Italians, as evidenced by two citywide parishes, St. Stephen’s and Our Lady of Mt Carmel, it was a toss-up as to which holy day would allow for a few hours of pleasant eating.

In my early years, I was vaguely familiar with, and enjoyed participating as much as I could, in the holidays of Groundhog Day, Candlemas/St Blaise, Lincoln’s Birthday, St Valentine’s Day, Washington’s Birthday, and Ash Wednesday. It is only upon our move to Houston that I became aware of the inclusion of Trail Rides and of Rodeo, which occupy two or three weeks in mid to late February. After all, Texans had to have some excuse for partying once the build-up for the Super Bowl had passed and the Second Sunday in February had gone by.

Several years ago, Karen and I saw a performance at the Houston Rodeo. I’ve forgotten the name of the musical entertainer we heard, but I admit I prefer recorded country music to the current up-close-and-personal screamers who attend live events. I would enjoy revisiting the livestock venue and country-western booths of the midway. I would be interested in sampling the exotic fried foods that are an essential contribution to gourmand living for Texans. However, the aging process may preclude our participation. It may be easier to attend the birthday celebration of our grandson, Dillon, and his own son, Shiloh, on February 17. However, with the move of their family to Atlanta, the actuality of our celebrating with them becomes improbable.

The month of February concludes with the commemoration of one final, personal event. I was ordained as a Permanent Deacon by Bishop Morkovsky on February 25, 1984. Since this date often occurs after Lent has begun, Karen and I quietly celebrate this sacrament by ourselves. We have an opportunity for reflection about what has occurred in our lives and what hopes still to remain for the future.

In addition to February being the month with so many individual holidays, both public and personal, it is the only month in which there is also a month-long celebration. For the last fifty years, since 1976, the federal government has dedicated the entire month to “Black History.” Since the days of the civil rights movement of the 1960s, it was thought by many that the contributions of these citizens had been neglected in the schoolrooms of the nation and that this omission should be remedied.

Considering the number of days dedicated to specific celebrations found in the month of February, along with the weeks for Mardi Gras, Presidents’ Day, Trail Rides and the Rodeo and Livestock Show, it’s a wonder that there are any days left for actual work by Houstonians in this abbreviated month. Then again, it is the only month that gains an extra day every four years.

Easter Eggs

The celebration of Easter was not a major event of my childhood in Niles. Of course, my mother and I would go to mass early in the morning, but that was true for almost every Sunday of the year. There was nothing special about the service on Easter. The then-prevailing cultural custom focused on the Easter Parade, or at least the movies and songs did. There was no parade in Niles, itself, nor at Our Lady of Mt Carmel, my home parish. Some of the women, of course, might wear a new hat. This, after all, was the era when every female wore a head covering of some sort while attending mass. Hats were preferred, or perhaps, even more so, a lace mantilla. As a last resort for the forgetful, there was always a white handkerchief, or, in a real emergency, a Kleenex balanced on top of her head.

My father never went to mass on Easter. Actually, he never went to church for anything other than an occasional funeral. Yet, for some strange, unknown reason, he always held to a very strict fast on Good Friday. He never attended the Stations of the Cross; the Good Friday fasting was his only association with any rite of which I was aware. Unless “going-up-the-hill-for-dinner” was a religious rite. On Easter, the three of us made that exodus as we did on Thanksgiving, Christmas and most Sundays of the year. The meal, itself, was an ordinary one. The only distinction was the presence of a brioche di Pasqua, bread braided into a wreath, with brightly dyed eggs baked on top. I preferred the Easter bread that incorporated scrambled eggs, sausage and prosciutto ham hidden inside of the baked loaf.

In my own home, coloring boiled eggs was the only ritual associated with Easter. I tried to have a steady hand on the thin, wire holder as I dyed an egg halfway with one color before turning it over and dying the other end in another color. I found it fascinating to attempt different combinations and produce either remarkable results or muddy mistakes. No one on my mother’s side of the family was adept at producing pysanka-embellished eggs. Occasionally, I would attempt to make one or two with a wax pencil marking out designs that would have colors different from the background used for the whole egg. The required, multiple dunkings seldom produced a result remarkable in any positive sense.

The earliest Easter event I do recall is being given a blue peep. This was the time when dyed animals were associated with this holiday, as much as colored eggs were. I named this little, live chick “The Blue Fairy” in honor of a character from Pinocchio. She lived in a shoe box. I also have vague recollections of a bunny rabbit, kept for a short time in a wire hutch on our back porch. I have no idea what became of them.

I probably had Easter baskets with candy eggs, but they are not part of my memories of the Season, until our marriage and the arrival of our kids, and many years later, of our grandchildren. My most vivid recollection of an Easter basket concerns one Karen and I had the first year of our marriage. As was the usual case at the time, we drove from Ithaca to Ohio for the holiday. We transported an Easter basket on the window shelf in the back of our car. At the end of the eight-hour drive, the basket contained a large chocolate puddle with two candy eyes staring up at us, the remains of what had once been a cute bunny-rabbit. Afterwards, we were very cautious about transporting chocolate animals.

Our own three kids always had individual baskets of candy for Easter. We took great care to assure that the distribution of goodies was identical for each thatched container. Every year there was a new set of baskets, along with fresh artificial grass. Our closets became filled with leftover containers; I’m not sure why we seldom reused previously purchased ones. When grandchildren arrived, it became mandatary to buy new ones every year, since the current baskets went home with each of them.

The celebration of Easter Sunday became more joyful when grandchildren were added to our extended family. Plastic, colored eggs containing jellybeans and chocolates were hidden in our backyard. Jordan, Kirby, Dillon and Kennedy were seldom satisfied with only one pass at locating the treasures. Usually, we had to re-hide them for a second search. Fortunately, two passes seemed to be sufficient.

As the number of grandchildren grew, the hiding of eggs became less prevalent. This event was replaced by a blessing of Easter baskets at a brief service at the local parish, usually St Ignatius which Ken’s family attended. Videos of grandchildren searching through azalea bushes and elephant ears in our garden on Grand Valley were replaced by those of one of our grandsons holding the Book of Blessings for use by the presiding deacon who, at noon on Saturday, blessed the bread and sample foodstuff to be used for the Easter meal. Afterwards, we all went out for an early Easter lunch in a restaurant. Before the recent COVID years, on Easter Day, after mass, we would go, with Chris and his family, to a more extended buffet-lunch, often at a pleasant, well-staffed hotel.

Interestingly, most of my recollections about celebrating Easter seem to be of a nonreligious nature. They focus on food and candy, rather than upon the true centrality of the Resurrection. However, this aspect became very important to Karen and me about forty years ago.

An essential part of our ministry at Christ the Good Shepherd was our participation, both before and after my ordination, in the parish’s RCIA program, i.e., the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, in which non-Catholics are brought into the Church by baptism, confirmation and first Eucharist. At this time, the Triduum, the three-days from Holy Thursday through Easter, became important in our lives. Karen and I were deeply involved in the formal instruction of Catechumens and Candidates, i.e., non-Catholics wanting to become Catholics and baptized Catholics who had never been confirmed but now desired to do so. We always looked forward with joyful anticipation to the three-hour vigil service on Saturday evening and greeting those we had walked with on their journeys of faith.

Although formal presentations were important for the RCIA during the months prior to the Triduum and formal entrance into the Church, another annual event was the associated Pascal Seder meal that became a fellowship event during the week prior to Easter. Since the mass, itself, was associated with the Last Supper, a Pascal meal celebrated by Jesus and his Jewish disciples, it seemed appropriate for RCIA participants to join in a re-enactment of this essential religious event, even if the roast lamb were replaced by fried chicken from the local KFC. The other components were provided by the Catechumens, Candidates and RCIA staff who made chopped chicken liver and charoset: apples, walnuts and spices combined in a never-the-same-way-twice mixture.

Every attempt was made to follow the Haggadah of a true Seder, but the historical connection with Eucharist was also present. It was this Christianized format that finally led to the current demise of the Seder as part of the conclusion of the RCIA prior to the Triduum. Apparently, some thought that the Jewish Passover was being belittled when it was combined with its Eucharistic result. Most parishes now do not include this fellowship meal, thus (in my opinion) forgoing an important historical example of a diversity which actually indicates a basic unity in Judeo-Christian cultures.

At the same time, I might mention that the Passover meal continues to be celebrated by the Jewish Community at Eagle’s Trace and Christians have been welcomed at this event. Karen and I attended for several years. On the other hand, the most significant Passover Seder in which I have participated was a real-deal one presided over by Mark Entman, a dear friend who was a member of the faculty of the Department of Medicine at BCM. Mark and Carol invited us to their home and synagogue for such events as Passover, Sukkoth, and their daughter’s bat mitzvah. They were also invited guests for my own Ordination.

The celebration of Easter is, indeed, an important event, one with potentially many associations. Culturally, it may be a time for new bonnets and clothing. These symbols may be a sign of the verdant freshness of spring, and its pagan goddess, Eostre. The rebirth of spring is demonstrated both by the fecundity of the rabbit and the nature of eggs, in general. In modern, cybernetic times, “Easter eggs” are hidden messages contained in electronic codes in computer programs. On the other hand, the true meaning of the holiday, the holy day, is hidden in the meaning of the Resurrection of Christ. Indeed, He is Risen. If this is not the case, then all of Christianity is no more important than a hollow chocolate bunny with its ears bitten off.

Fireworks

Fireworks are awful – in the true sense of the word. When a darkened sky is instantaneously filled with exploding light, when brilliant holes in the heavens suddenly expand to arc across the entire celestial realm, when the ground shakes beneath my feet, when the smell of gunpowder with its unique notes of sulfur and saltpeter invade my nostrils – it is then that I become completely filled with awe. Awe-filled, awful, awesome. I am deeply moved, physically and emotionally, whenever I behold that Chinese-created wonder above and around me. Yes, I love fireworks. I’ve had the joy of experiencing them in many places. I long to feel them once again, someday, some place.

My first recollections of the wonder of fireworks are those accompanying displays at Waddell Park in Niles, when I was very young. They may be one of the few events to which my mother and father took me. We may have gone for an extended-family picnic on the Fourth of July. We did that on very rare occasions. In the evening, when the ground quaked beneath me, my heart pounded with the same rhythm. Air pollution did not yet exist and people could stumble through the smoke rolling through the park after the grand finale, when all of the bombs were exploded in one burst of all-consuming sound and fury.

My next memory of a worthwhile pyrotechnical display is related to Schoellkopf Field at Cornell University where, on the evening of Independence Day, all of Ithaca seemed to assemble. The crescent stands on the side of the field were filled with more than students who had remained during the summer. The scaffolds, visible in the twilight on the thirty-yard lines of the stadium, disappeared as golden outlines of wooden tanks erupted into view. They battled one another with red-rocket bombardment, until one fizzled out, signifying defeat. Bets could be taken whether the left- or the right-side would win the war that particular year. Of course, there were also ground towers topped off with wheels revolving, both horizontally and vertically, and shooting off golden streaks of light, accompanied with hissing sounds to make the falling fire even more dramatic. However, their sounds were modest in comparison with the screams of rockets propelled high into the air where they burst not only into radiant plumes of golden chrysanthemums but also galaxies of red, green and blue suns. The viewers oohed and aahed while wondering if the expanding cloud of light would actually touch them before it dissolved into falling ash.

The town of Hanover, New Hampshire offered its particular version of colonial fireworks as instructed by John Adams so many years ago. The long-term residents, dressed in eighteenth century clothing, paraded the Commons on Independence Day, itself. The only problem experienced with the evening lights and sounds belonged to Phoebe, our newly acquired canine addition to the family. July 4th was her first day with us. She never could bear the booms of the night (nor thunder of any storms) and cowered away, even with as much comfort as our daughter, Deb, could offer her.

Corvallis, Oregon, on the other hand, in lieu of parades and evening displays for the Fourth of July, recalls sparklers. Deb loved to wave them; Ken was held at a respectful distance, away from their circular movements.

Sparklers followed us to Maryland, and later to Amherst. However, a major memory for this period comes from the all-inclusive, all-consuming blaze of fireworks on the Mall in downtown Washington, D.C. There may have been ground displays, but my memory has excluded them. The focus for this national holiday was the sight of the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial bathed in fiery red, white and blue streamers, spirals and swirls of light. Once again, the ground shook with the thunderous results of the “rockets’ red glare, bursting in air” – even if it was not over a harbor in Baltimore.

It is difficult for me to decide, however, if the glory of the Fourth of July celebration is more memorable as seen over the Mall in Washington, D.C. or the harbor in Boston. We had the marvelous opportunity, one year, to watch from a boat on the harbor, as the cosmic lights overhead were accompanied by the sound of the 1812 Overture echoing from a nearby radio. We listened to the canons of the Boston Pops, synchronized with the flashes of glory rising up from Boston Common. We tried to guess if the next sighting would explode in one massive dandelion-flower or become a series of simultaneous spirals screaming their way to self-destruction. It did not really matter what color would be spectrumed toward us; they were all marvelous to behold.

Seeing live fireworks without the shudder of the earth is not quite the same adventure as being on land and having a bodily experience of what is being viewed. Although I enjoyed the experience in Boston Harbor, it differed significantly from watching fireworks on a larger, people-packed boat on Sandusky Bay. We happened to be in Ohio one Fourth of July and, instead of driving out to Cedar Point to be part of its celebration, Karen, her sister, Tami, and I viewed the midwestern night sky from the deck of a ferryboat cruising the bay. Although the displays from Sandusky, Cedar Point and Put-In-Bay were very acceptable to view, the experience was incomplete, since it lacked the trembling earth beneath me and the odor of cordite around me. Unlike many viewers, I did escape the confines of the ferryboat cabins to stand on the top deck, where the ground-based lightning flashes appeared long before their rumbles were heard across the water.

We had another kind of experience viewing fireworks while traveling outside of the United States. When we were in Brugge, Belgium, the town was holding a festival for a local event. Having visited the booths and rides around the square during the day, we were able to see the aerial display that evening from our hotel. The cobblestone street was repeatedly lit by flashes which might have been reminiscent of bombardment during a much earlier time in Belgian history. Nevertheless, the colors, sounds and smells matched those of any small town in the States.

Usually, fireworks are experienced along with a warm night in July. However, there was one display I viewed while freezing under a flash-filled sky even though I wore layers of hooded sweatshirts under a heavy jacket. This was the December when Karen and I went to see the Grand Illuminations, a display initiating the Christmas Season in Colonial Williamsburg. We, and a thousand admiring guests, stomped our feet and proclaimed approval as the low-level rockets exploded over the Governor’s Mansion. Hot chocolate and mulled cider made the adventure even more heartwarming, as we watched the glare above us and listened to the drums and fifes of young marchers passing by. The sky was constantly blanketed with the silver and magenta lights of rockets fired in rapid repetition for almost a half hour of overhead bombardment. In Colonial Williamsburg, the holiday season truly begins with a bang.

Our exposure to live fireworks for the Fourth of July in Texas has been limited. In our early years we made short, but traffic-filled, trips to locations near Tomball College, a center for the display. On another occasion, before the 249-highway was complete, we parked on the overpass near the Houston Racetrack to see, hear and smell the fireworks shot off from its track. To compensate for a lack of attendance at local displays, our two boys tossed their own firecrackers in the street in front of our house, as Karen and I watched from the balcony of our French-colonial home in Spring. When we lived in Cypress, the Old Tin Hall, a dancehall built long ago in this area, presented local aerial fireworks visible from our front yard. Probably due to lethargy and a dislike of grid-locked traffic, we have driven downtown only once in four decades to be part of what some Houstonians never miss. We have, from time-to-time, watched TV to see the rockets bursting above the bayous, but the result is not the same as being an active participant. Nevertheless, we remain content to watch, once again, the movie version of the musical 1776 and appreciate the history of why we celebrate the Fourth of July with fireworks.

Over the years, I have presented homilies at Christ the Good Shepherd in which I have spoken of the awe of the Holy Spirit in terms of the awe of a great fireworks display. For me, such a display is suggestive of the glory of God, the awesomeness of the Holy Spirit. I may never again experience the sights, sounds, and smells of an actual fireworks display, but I do long for the illumination, trumpet blasts, and flagrance of the essence of all fireworks to come.

The Holiday That Wasn’t

The First Monday in September might have been called “Labor Day” and might have been associated with a celebration of the cultural and social events involving the labor movement in the United States, but for me, personally, it was merely to mark the end of summer and the beginning of a new year. Labor Day was designated as a federal holiday, dating back to its declaration as such in 1894. However, it was never, in my life, celebrated as one. There were neither fireworks nor parades as there were for July Fourth. Thanksgiving had turkeys and large family reunions. Presidents’ Day, when I was growing up, actually consisted of two days for celebration, one for Lincoln on February 12 and another for Washington on February 22. Memorial Day on May 30 had military parades, decorations for the graves of those who had died in battle, and red poppies, made from a heavy material having the properties of both silk and felt. However, Labor Day had nothing remarkable about it, other than to bring summer to a close and for the school year to begin.

Labor Day was the last chance for a picnic in the park. For some reason, people were willing to pack food into hampers and drive to an outdoor place to eat it. If your family arrived early enough, they might find a table and benches near a grill, where hamburgers and hot dogs could be burned over hot charcoal, adding its own flavor to the meat to be consumed. If you had to arrive later, you needed to pack the makings for ham sandwiches, along with the last slices of watermelon for dessert.

As Memorial Day marked the beginning of the potential weeks for vacations, Labor Day signaled their conclusion. If you lived in a small town in New England, you prepared for the last days of tourists. Shops would be closed with the possibility for a week of reopening in late December, if Christmas visitors were to be accommodated. Back then, public school classes would begin the next day; they never started before Labor Day.

My personal year began in September, not January. The academic year initiated my annual life cycle. This commencement was reinforced when I joined the federal government with its own fiscal year from September 1 through August 31. Some people maintained you had to stop wearing white clothing after Labor Day. I, on the other hand, had to stop using any of last year’s funds, unless they had been designated for carryover. It was only with retirement that I could change, mentally, from September to January as the time for new beginnings.

In its early years, Labor Day was meant to honor the cultural and social needs of manual laborers, those who produced iron and steel or assembled vehicles made from these sources, as well as those of workers in the ever-expanding railroad industry. At the end of the nineteenth century, it was common for laborers to perform their tasks twelve hours a day, seven days a week. Children as young as twelve years of age would work in textile mills for similar periods. Most laborers were recent immigrants who were willing to accept low wages in order to provide for their expanding families.

This labor movement was part of my own family history. My father worked in one of the steel mills that stretched from northern Indiana through Ohio and into Pennsylvania, the area which, later, was to become known as the “rust belt” of the nation. However, from back in the mid ‘forties, I vividly recall the red glow on the horizon above Youngstown on those evenings when steel was being poured. I also was aware of the Donora smog of 1948 that resulted in some two dozen deaths in that Pennsylvanian mill-town. My own town was not without its share of soot during the winter months, when it poxed the snow around our house and hastened the formation of grey slush in the streets. These conditions were an acceptable part of life, occurring well before anyone knew the consequences of environmental pollution.

Our family’s heated arguments about labor and factory work did not include such concerns; instead, they focused on the merits and demerits of labor unions, with my father vociferously in support and my favorite uncle taking management’s views, since he was a supervisor in one of the local steel mills. I, myself, did not understand the concept of my father being “on strike” every few years. He saw these weeks as opportunities to work with his brother and their father in the wallpaper-house-painting jobs that brought in money to supplement the meager funds provided by the AFL and CIO during such strikes.

In those days, Labor Day was officially in praise of those who performed manual labor to earn their wages. It seldom included farmers who continued to work twelve-hours a day for seven days a week. Office workers, being white-collar rather than blue-, did not seem to be involved in the holiday – or, perhaps, this appeared to be the case, since none of our male relatives or family-friends held such positions. Only three women in my extended family were gainfully employed. Aunt Mary worked in the local General Electric factory making light bulbs. Aunt Betty was a nurse. My mother was the cashier for a Five-And-Dime store at a local mall.

This federal holiday has become less of one over the postwar years. When steel mills moved offshore and were joined by the auto-industry which used their product, the labor movement began to lose its appeal. It is only recently that service workers such as those engaged by Amazon or by the hospitality industry have begun to renew a potential interest in the movement. The current unemployment rate is at a record low of 3.7 percent. Companies are finding it difficult to entice new employees. Many who are employed are part of a new movement called “quiet quitting,” in which workers perform the minimum requirement for their jobs and have little interest in remaining with them.

There was once a time when a person desired and expected to remain in the same job for life, with only minor changes in what they did for eight hours a day, five days a week. This generation of my beginning days of employment did shift to a generation in which it was expected that one would hold a series of jobs with different companies, not always in the same field. Now there is a desire and expectation that you can work at home, some distance from any central office. Some postulate that truck drivers will be replaced by robotic controlled vehicles!

Originally, tradesmen and artists were self-employed. They lived above their shops or were journeymen while developing their skills. The industrial revolution took textile workers from their homes and into factories. Blacksmiths now poured larger vessels of molten metal and rolled out sheets of steel in factories. Labor moved from individuals to groups of workers performing similar tasks. Labor Day was set aside to honor this movement, this ingathering of workers as a community.

Although the future, as always, is unknown, is there a possibility that this holiday, the first of the “Monday Holidays,” will melt into merely another long weekend for shopping, for marking the end of the time for summer vacations and for the beginning of a period for buying new stuff for Halloween and Christmas? Is Labor Day to become another holiday that wasn’t?

Trick or Treat

The question for many kids at the end of October might be: “Is it more fun to give or to receive?” The object of the question is, or course, candy or other treats. Is it more fun to dress up in a costume and seek goodies door-to-door in your neighborhood or is there greater merriment in answering a knock on the door and hearing screams and laughter, along with the demand trick or treat. For toddlers, the answer might well be – open the door and be surprised by the ghosts and goblins waiting there, along with an occasional princess or hobo. Once toddlers stop toddling, it is probably time for them to join the receiving end of the line. This may have been the case for me in my younger days.

I recall how the porch light was turned on so that it could function like a candle drawing moths to a flame. A darkened porch meant you weren’t really welcomed and would probably knock and clamor without any reward. Although this lack of a response might call for a trick, one was seldom forthcoming. Toilet-papering a tree took too much time and effort that could be better spent moving onward to a porch-lit house.

I personally recall only a single Halloween when I dressed up and went seeking treats. I was about seven years old. My homemade costume consisted of an old dress, reluctantly donated by my mother. It came all the way down to my feet, encased, somewhat, in low-heeled shoes which seemed as cumbersome as trying to walk on stilts. Underneath the flowing dress, a stuffed pillow was tied around my waist in an attempt to take up some of the slack. My mother had also located some lipstick and rouge, items she seldom used, to add to my otherwise unmasked face, topped by some kind of silly, flowering hat, also seldom used for real occasions. Unfortunately, the major memory I have of that evening is the teasing by other kids in my neighborhood, especially the boys, who insisted I was really a girl dressed like an old woman. I never went trick-or-treating again.

At least not as an active participant. Years later, like most parents, I did join the small packs of mothers and fathers waiting patiently near the curb while my own three kids made their cheerful way up the sidewalk to a well-lite, open door. Rockville, Maryland, was one of the better places for their holiday begging, since the homes were close together and populated with young children.

Occasionally, our three beggars wore store-bought costumes, which turned into yearly hand-me-downs. A favorite was a skeleton printed on a black suit for Deb, a berserk-faced clown in a golden outfit with a tremendously wide tie for Ken, and a prankish, red-suited Indian uniform for Chris. With our move from Rockville to Amherst, they outgrew this wandering tradition, which may have been due, in part, to there being only four houses on our street.

Ponderosa Forest, our neighborhood development along FM 1960 in suburban Houston, was more populated with treaters of an appropriate age, as well as with trickers who were not, but would arrive without any costume long after the porch lights had been extinguished.

It became an annual challenge to predetermine how many bags of candy should be purchased in the days before the 31st. Buying them too early, led to a decreased supply-on-hand comes the night for distribution. Buying too many, lead to an oversupply for the days of early November. An under-supply could be augmented, if necessary, with pennies saved for just such a purpose. Another decision had to be made about allowing a small fist direct access to the candy bowl, itself. Each year a determination was required sometime during the dole, about whether the hand of the getter went into the bowl or the hand of the giver limited the number of items each received.

Unfortunately, there also came the era during which one had to reconsider what treats would be given and what treats would be allowed to be consumed. In the good-ol-days, folks gave out individual penny candy, or fruit for the more nutritionally conscious parents. But once razor blades and other obnoxious additions became part of the scene, both givers and getters preferred pre-wrapped items, even if an adult survey had to be made before anything could be tasted by the impatient beggars. Amazingly, some emergency clinics volunteered to x-ray the offerings to assure that their full services would not be demanded hours later.

Although the history of Halloween often indicates that the custom originated in Medieval Europe, as being All Hallow’s Eve in association with the following All Saints’ Day, my own experience has been that this is really an American celebration. In late September, once the back-to-school sales have been completed, our shopping malls become orange and black arenas populated by skeletons, ghosts, and huge spider webs. These creatures also appear on neighborhood lawns. Even the doorway shelves at Eagle’s Trace have their share of spirited decorations equal in number to those of elves and Santas found later for Christmas, which was once the major time for neighborhood holiday extravagances. On the other hand, in 2013, when we visited the Czech Republic, Austria, Slovakia and Hungary during late October, I saw few, if any, spooky items in their otherwise Americanized shopping malls. No doubt they were keeping all of their costumes hidden until Mardi Gras.

My favorite Halloween memory as an adult is a result of another vacation trip in October 2014, to Sandusky, Ohio. Since Karen’s hometown is a tourist haven for the nearby vacation attraction of Cedar Point, we made early reservations to stay at the local Wolf’s Inn Family Resort. We were greatly surprised, upon our arrival, to learn that only one other couple had booked a room. The desk manager, the only employee we met during our five-day visit, told us that the resort was officially closed for week-long maintenance during this low-visit season between the end of summer and Christmas. Nevertheless, the entire resort, even though it had neither staff nor guests, had been decorated for Halloween. Dracula stood guard over the huge fireplace in the lobby that also exhibited the usual skeletons, spider webs, scarecrows and other creepy things in orange and black. During the day and early evening, the empty lobby with its still-life inhabitants was a marvelously spooky place to spend time by the fire, which the manager kept burning to ward off the October chill in the air of this deserted inn. It was the best place, ever, to experience the mystery of a nostalgic Halloween.

Birthday Celebrations

I’ve made comments about each of the major holiday/holy day celebrations in which I have participation, albeit at a low level, historically. There is another celebration, a personal one, which I have neglected to accommodate even more than I have the public events. My birthday. For most of my life I tried to ignore it, not because I dreaded the passing of the years, but rather, because everyone else around me had ignored it, even more. I was well into my middle years, before May 25 became a day I welcomed.

My parents did nothing to acknowledge my birthday. I never had a birthday party. I do not recall ever having a birthday cake, certainly not one with candles to blow out. On the other hand, I was not the only one lacking a birthday celebration. I do not recall any event associated with either my mother’s or father’s birth date. Hers was June 7, 1907; his was May 29, 1908. Actually, I do not remember celebrating any relative’s birthday, although I’m sure that my cousins did have parties. It’s just that I do not remember attending any of them.

Following our marriage, Karen wanted to celebrate my personal day. Her attempts became a major problem between us. I greatly enjoyed giving a party for her and presenting her with a gift on September 17. However, having never experienced receiving a birthday present, other than some new clothes, I was uncertain how to respond, in my twenties, to this new event. The worst experience occurred the year when Karen tried to give me an onyx ring. Knowing that I did not like to receive birthday presents, she hid the ring in a Cracker Jack box. When I opened the box, I recognized it contained not merely a prize, but a present. It was a handsome black stone in a silver setting; it may have had a diamond chip in the center. Nevertheless, I refused to accept it and she returned it to the jeweler.

After this fiasco, I attempted, in the following years, to accept having a birthday celebration – with a minor party, cake and a reasonable present. We continued to have an annual birthday party in September for Karen, and, later, real celebrations for Deb, Ken and Chris, whose friends were invited to gatherings only during their childhood years. As our children grew into teenagers, the cake and ice-cream were meant only for the immediate family. There were a few years when my parents made the trip to visit us about the time of one of their grandchildren’s birthdays. My folks made much better grandparents than they did parents, perhaps recognizing that times and relationships were now different.

It wasn’t until we had moved to Longwood that Karen initiated the event which changed my own acceptance of my birthday. She planned a surprise party, knowing that it could be a disaster, if I continued to act the way I had for so many years. She invited close friends, mainly understanding fellow-deacons and their wives, to appear at our home, while I had been sent on an errand. As I neared the house, I noticed extra cars parked in the neighborhood and, upon walking up to our door, had glimpsed Deacon John Charnesky peering through a window. Realizing what Karen was attempting, I was determined to enjoy myself. I did. It was the beginning of a series of years of appreciated celebrations of my birthday.

I continued to take delight in seeing that Karen’s birthday was well-celebrated. We often went out for a dinner in a restaurant; there was no reason for her to have prepared her own meal. The first year after our marriage, I created a disaster in my efforts to be the chef. I had done minimal food preparation before our marriage; warming up a frozen TV dinner was usually sufficient during my first year of graduate school. However, I did try to fix steak, potatoes and our favorite: fried onion rings. At the time, I could not tell the difference, when shopping in the local grocery, between a Bermuda onion and a pinkish-white turnip. Fried turnips are not the same as fried onion rings. I think the steak finally turned out ok, although the entire preparation time took longer than I thought it would.

I also recall a delightful birthday for Karen that we celebrated in London in 1997. It was complete with a cashmere sweater I bought for her in a shop on Oxford Street. Our visit began in late September, so there was a delay in her receiving her present, but it was worth it, I think. On the other hand, she did celebrate her 70th birthday in Slovenia. We began the morning on Lake Bled, continued with a visit to Ljubliana, capital of Slovenia, and returned to Bled in time to attend a seven o’clock mass at St. Martin’s before going out for a pizza dinner. In more recent years, I usually have given her a family party with kids and grandchildren at Brookwood, where she has, from time to time, volunteered as a docent.

There was also an interval when there was a joint birthday party for Tracey, Chris and me. Our daughter-in-law’s date is May 24, the day before mine, and Chris’ on May 30, five days later. At one time, our families gathered for a lobster dinner, prepared either in a pot in our house or by Kroger’s. The menu was finally altered when our grandchildren no longer preferred hotdogs, but desired to consume the crustaceans along with us.

With the passing of years, our birthdays have been honored in many places and in many different ways. I have enjoyed all of them, regardless of the venue and the menu. I’ve even learned to have fun on my own day. I hope this experience lasts awhile longer.

The First Walk with the Lord

(For many years I went on an annual Ignatian Retreat at Grand Coteau in Louisiana. A series of extracts from meditations I experienced over these years is given here.)

January 5, 1982: Tuesday: 3:00 p.m.

It’s now 3:40 p.m. How to begin a journal of this sort? Well, just begin. Use the words I jotted as triggers for my reflections. (I carried a notebook with me and jotted down words that came immediately to mind, since you can’t write a journal while you’re walking!)

The first thing I really saw when I left the Retreat House was an azalea bush with pink flowers and buds. What a glorious sight to behold in early January for a Yankee! A walk along the garden path. Leaves crackling under foot. I kick at them, a little boy kicking leaves. I want to dance to the music. Why not? I take a turn, a dervish turn. I feel foolish. I grin. I ask, “why not?” I felt like dancing, so I danced. It is good.

In front of me I see the new graveyard for Jesuits. For a moment I feel guilty with my delight in contrast to the tombs. Then I say, but they are with the Lord. There’s no reason for me to be sad. A statue in front of me, with arm upraised. I think of the line: “I am the Way.” I feel happy, delighted, at peace. I smile.

A tangle of Spanish moss at my feet. I think of Audubon Park and the first time I saw Spanish moss. With Karen back in January 1978, when I went there for the meetings on my way to Houston for the first job interview. I get lost in reflection on how Jesus led us to Houston. And about the wonderful time she and I had in New Orleans.

A little ravine ahead of me; I jump it and almost slip. I laugh. The Lord will protect me. He won’t let anything happen to hurt me this week. No broken bones at the beginning of this trip.

Ahead of me, the vaults of the mausoleum. I think of my visit to Ohio in October. My talk with my mother about her wanting to be buried in one, not underground. I think about her, about her cancer diagnosis, about the prayers and how they were answered. I’m content, not sad. I’m grateful.

Now there is the double line of trees stretching before me, leading off to a new land. I walk toward them. At my feet, I see a beer bottle and a Styrofoam cup. I’m sad. Man and nature.

I’m closer now to the winter trees. Bare arms raised toward the sky. I think about how I once thought of Disneyesque trees clutching; these do not clutch. They’re God’s tree, not Disney’s. I come to the style over the fence and feel childish delight in realizing a fairy tale scene, climbing over a style, into an enchanted land.

I see the green fields and feel the cool wind. I think of my young teen years in Ohio, the joy of walking across a field, with melting snow and cool winds in early spring, alone except for Duke, my collie. What fun we had. I could feel lonely, depressed, but I feel overly nostalgic joy.

I walk along the lane. I’m happy. Again, I feel like dancing. I do a dervish. I swing my coat-jacket around my head. I think, “What if someone sees me?” I’m torn between wanting to be seen and not wanting to be seen. I ask myself, “What’s wrong in being seen happy and joyful?” Nothing is wrong, so long as it’s real, not a facade. I judge mine is not fake; it’s real. I grin; I smile. I’m happy. I want to share this with Karen. I wish she were with me. I think about her.

I see a smudge of dark clouds along the horizon of an otherwise blue sky. I think of Oregon and the coke burnings. I reflect about Oregon and our mixed happiness there. I think about the major decision to leave academe for government administration and how God enters my life choices.

I think of a paraphrase of Aeneas! “I am what I have touched and what has touched me.” I stop to write the note more clearly than my earlier jottings made while walking. I hear a birdsong. It calls to remind me I haven’t really been praying in a formal sense. I’ve merely have been delighting in what I have seen and in remembered joy. Yet I say to myself – that’s stupid! I have been praying by these very things.

I write a longer note while standing there. “He’s given me this – not because I deserve it but merely because He love me – us, yes – me as a person. Own it!” I think how reluctant I’ve been to personalize God’s love, to think in terms of: He loves me and not just He loves us. I feel a lump in my throat. I’m sad. I continue to reflect on the difference between I am good and We are good. As I write the phrase, the wind comes up. It blows the pages. I stop my note taking. I have a desire to pray right here and now.

There’s a tree in front of me, with huge spreading roots, an inviting seat. Almost a lap. I sit down. I adjust myself. My jacket behind me. I begin to focus like Francis taught in his exercise that first night. (Fr. Francis Vanderwall and Fr. Joe Tetlow presented a weekend workshop for an Ignatian retreat, which I attended prior to beginning the full, five-day retreat with Sr. Ruth, a staff member of the Jesuit Retreat Center at Grand Coteau.)

I begin to pray. I’ve forgotten the words I said. My eyes were closed. I seemed to sense Jesus’ presence. He put his hands around by face, like a friend or a father comforting a child. His arms were around me. Warm, comforting. But I stopped. I opened my eyes. I ended it. I told myself I want to get more comfortable, to prolong the experience, to be better attuned to it. I readjusted my position. I laid back against the tree. I closed my eyes. But nothing happened.

He had gone, for now. Yet I sensed a reassurance that he would be back. The week is just starting. I waited a few minutes more. Still, nothing came. My prayer was feeble. I opened my eyes and after a moment of sadness began this reflection. It’s now 4:25 p.m.!

4:50 P.M. A reflection on the way back to the Retreat House: an encounter with the Lord is like lovemaking. Don’t try to improve it while it’s going on; just let it flow naturally. A second reflection, on a magnolia I passed. Some flowers are fully open, some are still in buds, some are past their prime, others have fallen to the ground; all are from the same bush. Each has its time and place in God’s Plan.

Improbable Meditation on Is 43:1-7

January 5, 1982: Tuesday: 8:30 p.m.

I was reluctant to begin my first exercise in prayer. I was expectant, hesitant of the outcome. A feeling much like being wheeled into an operating room, trusting the surgeon, but still leery of the results, let alone the process. However, in this case, the operation was a success.

I went into the St Regis room. I chose a cozy corner. I removed the two cushions from the chair standing there and placed them on the floor – with one propped up as a backrest. I took off my boots. I became aware of the nap of the rug beneath my fingertips. The tactile sensation, I judged, would keep me in touch with reality. With my eyes closed, I began to relax. At the same time, I sensed my surroundings: the table beside me, the Bible close at hand on the floor next to me. I increased the awareness of my body – the touch of my clothes, my slow and regular breathing. Somehow, through my fingertips touching the carpet, I was in contact with the entire room.

I felt a cool breeze on my face even though the windows were closed. It was comforting, relaxing. My skin felt warm. I heard what seemed like a cricket outside the window. “Now what would a cricket be doing here in January – even in Louisiana?” I asked myself. The clock chimed the quarter hour; I focused on the sound of my cricket. I forced him to say “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” – I used his rhythm to set my prayer metronome.

[The cricket] stopped and I knew it was time to turn to Isaiah. I heard a fly buzz by as I opened the page I had previously marked. I began to read the passage. I saw a potter’s wheel and the clay vessel on it being turned and shaped. I focused more intently on the half-seen image. [It] was not a complete picture – more the sense of the picture of a potter’s wheel.

I thought about the idea of being formed, shaped. I thought about how discontent I am with my own physical form, my own shape. Yet I sensed pursuing that line of thought might not be fruitful for prayer. I allowed Him to guide my reflection. And it came to me that I was being “told” to pray about being re-formed, made anew, rather than being formed at a previous time and merely accepting that original form. That idea brought me comfort. I began to appreciate that I am in the process of being re-formed; that He is making a new vessel of me. The potter was re-shaping the vessel, making it better, allowing it to conform to new and better purposes.

How did I feel about the reflection of being re-formed? Good! Pure and simple. In both sets of meanings. I did feel “pure” and “simple.” I felt warm, cozy, comfortable; I felt loved. I seemed to drift away from the scene of the potter’s wheel. As the perceptions faded, I heard the clock chime the half-hour. My prayer had lasted only fifteen minutes. There seemed to be plenty of time to go on with Isaiah. I opened my eyes and reached for the Bible [and read:] … “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name –” With a struggle, I completed the line: “– you are mine.” I closed my eyes.

Name. What’s in a Name? For openers, I was named for my father. Suffice it to say that the phrase triggered off a set of reflections. At first, I thought that my thoughts would go toward my father whom I detested for so many years. I thought I had resolved those conflicts; I did not want to meditate on them here – not when I wanted to pray to God. I wanted no temptations to go into a negative recollection.

Suddenly, I sensed (heard?) the phrase: “In nomine Patie, et filio et Spirtu Sancto!” It kept repeating inside my head! But the phrase shortened to “Nomine Patre” – “Patre”. The juxtapositions, the similarity of Patie, Patre, Pat, Padre, Pater, Father, [were] overwhelming me! What was He telling me? I seemed to sense, to know: He is my Father! No matter what I may have thought about my biological father, God was still – now, then and always – my Father! I seemed to know it with absolute clarity.

In my prayer period, I had come to the realization that He is my Father. I let myself bask in that. And as I did so, a strong sensation began to occur. I seemed to sense (to “see”) a tent, a desert tent, staked out before me. I felt a cool breeze from that desert. The carpet beneath my fingertips was warm sand. I experienced, once more, a great comfort, a peace. I knew that the tent was my Father’s tent! I lay there – feeling the warm sand and the cool breeze. The winds came up. The tent grew taller. It became more of a tabernacle than a desert tent. It grew toward the sky – taller and taller. It became a mountain. And yes, it was Cecil B. DeMille’s Mount Horeb! And yes, I did take delight in the imagery! I wanted it to go on – to keep on rolling. I was anxious to see what would happen next.

It was then that the “fly” dive bombed the table near my right ear! I actually sat upright and out loud said: “Beelzebub!” Now, as a rational person, I have been reluctant to subscribe to Evil Spirits! But I really personified that obnoxious critter as the Lord of the Flies. I honestly did!

Only it turned out not to be a fly. It was some sort of tick or beetle, about the size of my little fingernail. It sat there on the edge of the table and did not move! I sat there too! And stared at it. Brown it was, with a green spot on its back.

What to do?

I must have watched it for serval minutes. Would it fly away – and if it did, would it return to disturb my prayer once more? I could not bring myself to squash it! I really looked on it as one of God’s creatures, Beelzebub or not! What right did I have to kill it!? I continued to stare at it. I dared it to move! I commanded it not to move! I wanted to return to my prayer! Yet, I was reluctant to. I was sure that it would next land on my face. I decided to sit there – facing it and continue the passage from Isaiah! As I read about the Lord’s being with me over rivers and through fires, I was amused by wondering about His being there with beetle-ticks! Honestly!

Then I got to the phrase: “I give Egypt as your ransom.” Beetles and Egypt?! Now really – that’s too much. And ransom? I saw the glass ashtray on the table. Yes, I turned it upside-down over the beetle! I’d hold “Egypt” captive and demand a ransom of quiet prayer! I had found a way not to kill the Beetle and to continue my prayer!

With a pleased, amused feeling, I lay back on the floor and closed my eyes. And Jesus laughed! He really did! I sensed (heard) the line: “OK, you win! That’s enough for tonight.!” I really did have the sensation that Jesus was there, laughing and smiling about how I had solved the problem of not killing that bug and still being able to continue my prayer.

But I couldn’t. He had left for the time being – not to be summoned at my call, not now. I lay there; the clock chimed the hour. I got up – happy, relaxed. And amused. I started to laugh. And so help me, it seemed that Jesus was laughing with me! Two friends who had shared a great joke! I felt giddy. I wanted to run and tell people how funny, how playful Jesus is! I really did. I wanted to dance and sing.

There is a table in the back of St Regis. It was clear of the statues that had been there earlier in the day. It seemed like it had just been waxed. I sat down on that table and began to spin around – like a little kid on a playground whirl-around. Suddenly, I saw that illustration of Jesus on the wall, the one which is one of my favorite representations. I got off the table and went over to that picture and pointing my finger at it said something like. “You really are very funny; you know that don’t you!” Have you ever noticed that in that representation He is just about ready to laugh!

I wanted to rush out of that room and share my delight with others. Yet with the Silence I knew I couldn’t. But I was grinning from ear to ear, the human Cheshire cat! I decided to go into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Maybe, at least, someone would see my happiness, my childish exuberance – if you will. When I got there, two [other] retreatants were there. They hadn’t begun their retreat yet. And I couldn’t tell them of my joy. But I could show it! I actually mimed a dance! I got my coffee, returned to the St Regis, picked up my Bible and boots and returned to my room. I was still filled with joy. As I opened my door, I half expected to see Jesus waiting there!

It’s now 11:15 p.m. I’m still too “hyper” to go to sleep. I’m on the way to the kitchen. But on the way, I might check to see if the beetle is still there – under the ash tray. You see, a few minutes ago, a beetle flew into my bedroom! I ordered him out. He didn’t go. Forgive me, Lord, but I squashed him!

Getting Lost on a Walk with the Lord

January 6, 1982: Wednesday: 2:45 p.m.

I was determined to find the Bluff. It was mid-afternoon when I left the Retreat House and set off down the lane, the path my Spiritual Director had told me to follow in order to reach the site overlooking the ancient banks of the Mississippi River, which once flowed by what is now Grand Coteau. The Jesuit community had built a summer house there. It was merely a large porch with its four sides open to the cool breeze of a bright Louisiana day. I had been assured that the view would be spectacular, and the surrounding fields would provide a welcomed peacefulness.

I climb over the style at the end of the path and cross the road to continue along it, hoping that this is the way my Director had meant me to follow. I cross over an animal grill in the road – one I assume had been placed there so horses and cows won’t wander across from one field to another.

There are, indeed, horses in the field I’m walking by. I become concerned whether they’ll chase me. They seem so large. I remember Deb and her love of horses. If horses wouldn’t hurt a little girl, why should I be afraid? Besides, isn’t God with me? I pass a small group of cows, too few to be called a herd. There is still some trepidation. I remember the cow that once chased me when I was 10 or so – and the gash I got in my leg as I made it over the barbed-wire fence. Nevertheless, I go on, past the little shack with the dog watching from the porch, until I reach another fence; this time there is no style. This can’t be the way to the Bluff. I retrace my pathway back to the main road. The dog, cows and horses go unnotched. I’m merely pleased to be here.

I walk along the paved road until I come to the Duchenne Girl’s Academy and turn down the road there, still searching for the Bluff. I pass some stables and outbuildings. The road seems to end. I retrace my steps. I think I detect a bit of annoyance within myself. I focus on the trees and wildflowers.

I pass the playgrounds for the Academy, and, in the distance, I see the swings and a single teeter-toter. The girls are nowhere around. I head for the teeter-toter. An elderly gardener sees me. He may wonder what I’m doing there, but when he appears to glance at the Bible and journal I’m carrying, he says hello and goes back to his work.

I spread my jacket on the teeter-toter and, lying on the inclined plane, begin to relax. Perhaps, this is where I should meditate. Without warning, drops of rain fall from the clouds which had gathered without my really noticing them. I think of sprinkles of holy water and of tears. I’m pleased. The drops increase and I decide to move on.

The shower stops. I’ve reached a double line of old oak trees. They head back in the direction of the Retreat House. Perhaps I should go home. I walk down the aisle of trees. They make a complete canopy above me. How good it feels. It seems as if I’m entering the nave of a cathedral build by God, Himself. The thought warms me.

I reach the end of the aisle. A fence is in front of me. There is no style. I wonder what I should do. I see that some bushes, which, with their dying, have pressed down part of the barbed-wire fence. I gingerly make my way over it. The field I enter appears green and glorious. It invites me. I walk to its center, determined that this is where I must do my next reflection. I know it is to be on the Psalms.

I spread my jacket on the ground; beside it I toss the flannel over-shirt I’ve been wearing. The sun is once more out. I begin to compose myself. Yes, what better place to meet God. I read Psalm 8 in its entirety. It seems so fitting here. I’m pleased again. I decide to read it out loud. I do. I decide to chant it, in my own style. I begin. I reach the line: “What is man – “and manage to complete the verse. I lie back to pray. Nothing happens. I try to re-focus, to relax, to feel the sun and hear the wind.

What comes to me is a concern, not only about my lack of prayer, but also my physical location. The sky becomes cloudy again. How will I get out of this field? Suddenly, it seems immense. I feel both lost and trapped. I decide I must leave. The exercise suddenly seems hokey to me, reading the Psalm out loud. Even being so sure that this field was the perfect place to read it, to meditate. To call God to me. What presumption!

I’m angry with myself. I’m also sad. I’m contrite. And I’m also scared. I tell myself that this not where God wants to meet me. He has something else in mind. Some other place. I gather up my jacket, flannel shirt and books and head across the field. I feel more lost. Just as I had been about to turn back, I recall that I had seen a girl across the field, toward the far side. Now I am wishing that I’d seen how she had left the field.

I come to the far fence. No style there. No breaks. Only barbed wire. I turn to the left toward a line of trees, thinking that they mark a way, and a style will be there. There is none. I follow the fence. I pass the place where I had entered. I do not want to go that way; it’s in the wrong direction from the Retreat House. I continue to follow the fence. Still no break. How did that girl leave the field?

Finally, I see a place where the wires seem to be pulled apart. I know I’m too heavy to climb over a barbed-wire fence. Not with the fragile poles I see supporting it. It’s been too many years since I’ve crawled through a fence. Finally, I make my decision. I’ll try it. I put my jacket back on. I pry the wires apart and just manage to get through. I’m in another field. I can see the Retreat House in the distance. But there is now another fence in front of me. I’m hot, tired, frustrated. I’m angry with God. I want to blame Him for the predicament. I tell myself that He didn’t get me into this state of mind. I did it to myself.

I wander along the fence looking for a passage. There is none. I ponder different routes. I angrily set off across the field, more hot, tired and annoyed with God than ever before. And, as I walk, I begin to hear that little voice inside my head. It says: “Do you really trust me? Has all of this been an intellectual game? Do you really trust me?” I answer that I don’t know – I may even say it out loud I want to trust Him. I want to pray for His direct help.

All of this seems, then and now as I write this reflection, so very ridiculous. The field is not all that far from the Retreat House. Intellectually, I know I’ll get back but emotionally I feel trapped, lost. I can’t believe that this is some kind of testing. Surely, He doesn’t really work this way. And all the time, I perceive the voice asking: “Do you really trust me?”

I see a yellow butterfly.

Although I do not cry, I want to cry. There are no tears, only a complete awareness that I do trust Him. I walk across the field and follow the butterfly directly to the place where someone has removed part of the fence. I know, as I walk toward that spot, there would be a passage. And as I walk, my pace slows down. I had been fearful. I’m no longer afraid. And when I do come to the fence and see that opening, I’m not surprised. My feeling is one of expectancy. It’s almost anticlimactic. I cross into the final field toward the Retreat House.

I feel emotionally exhausted. I am sad that I had doubted. It’s not so much desolation as a lack of consolation. I see patches of small, purple-red blossoms. Having passed them, I go back and pick one and put it in my buttonhole.

I reach the last fence, climb over the style there, and sit in the chair nearby. It is here I begin this writing. Drops of rain blur the page. I pick up my books and head to the Retreat House. I’m sitting now in my room. I’ve taken the flower from my buttonhole and hold it between my fingers in front of me as I write this.

What does it all mean? I’ve recorded what has transpired. But can I really write of the fear I had, of the sense I had of being tested? And If so, did I pass the test? I was scared. The reasons do not seem to be valid ones on a rational basis. I really was not in any danger. But I felt that way. I was asked to trust. I did.

One side of me says it’s all a charade. And the other side says that what I experienced was real. I felt lost. He asked for my trust; I gave it to Him – and He led me safely home.

Does one have to be lost in a big way – lost at sea, for example, or can you feel lost in your own back yard, so to speak? And right now, as I write these lines, I do feel at peace. I seem to conclude that if I felt lost, I was. And if I trusted in Him, I did. And it doesn’t matter how big the example might be. Nor how small. My peace is on the verge of happiness. The heck with this written reflection. I’ve got to pray.
(4:00 p.m.)

From the Rising of the Sun to its Setting

The cosmos is embedded in space-time. Every bit of matter within every galaxy, as well as within me, can be located in three spatial dimensions and the fourth dimension of time. The Hebrew Scriptures state this poetically with the words of the first verse of Psalm 50: “The God of gods, the Lord, has spoken and summoned the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting.” In another psalm (113:3), appears the injunction: “From the rising of the sun to its setting let the name of the Lord be praised.” The prophets of the Old Testament offered identical observations. Isaiah (45:6) maintained: “So that all may know, from the rising of the sun to its setting, that there is none beside me. I am the Lord, there is no other.” Another prophet, Malachi, (1:11) pointed out: “From the rising of the sun to its setting, my name is great among the nations …”

“From the rising of the sun to its setting” is a poetic statement about space and time. The words may refer to the East and to the West along with every place in between them. The Third Cannon of the Liturgy contains the instruction: “… from the rising of the sun to its setting a pure sacrifice may be offered to your name.” These words are a relatively direct translation of the Latin: “a solis ortu usque ad occasum oblatio munda offeratus nomini tuo.” When the mass was originally translated from this Latin into English, the phrase, rendered as: “from east to west” focused on the geographical element of location, of place. The newer, more literal translation, returns to the generalized rising and setting of the sun, which includes the concept of the interval from morning until night, the time of light, a time without darkness.

“From the rising of the sun to its setting” is also a summary of this Legacy in Words, reflections on where I’ve been and what I have done. Born in Ohio, said by some to be located on the north coast bounded by the Great Lakes, I moved to Oregon, the far west coast, before returning to the east coast and the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. For the past four decades I have lived in Texas with its south coast along the Gulf of Mexico. I have seen the rising and the setting of the sun across the American continent. At the same time, these essays describe the events from my rising years, the years of my youth and young adulthood, through the days of my maturation and the ultimate setting of my own sun.

I have seen a magnificent sunrise of a deep red orb sitting on the shoulder of Mt Vesuvius, an event I recall with great emotional impact. There are also quiet sunsets viewed from the top of burial vaults in Grand Coteaux, Louisiana, while on annual, Ignatian retreats. These, too, remain a part of my being, my own essence.

Another important acknowledgment is required for every “rising of the sun to its setting.” At the moment of every sunset, there is simultaneously a moment of sunrise on the other side of this planet. Every conclusion is, instantaneously, an initiation of a new day. An earth-day does not have a termination; instead, we have a solar terminator, a magical line racing across the earth; a line splendid to follow on the television screen at your seat on an airplane moving across the Atlantic.

“From the rising of the sun to its setting” is, I believe, a fitting subtitle for my memories of a life lived in many places and throughout many times: good ones and not-so-good ones. All of these moments are but a prelude to what comes next. “Pre-lude” … “before the games begin.” Indeed, with the setting of the sun, let the games begin!

Christmas Letters: An Overview

Despite what Ann Landers and her readers thought about “Christmas letters,” we wrote our first one in 1963 when we moved from Hanover, NH to Corvallis, OR. With the then-recent development of the photocopier, the Sixties became the high period for such correspondence. (However, our first effort was made on a mimeograph machine, using green ink!) We did, however, repeatedly apologize for resorting to this method of keeping in touch with friends in the Northeast. When no one responded negatively to our annual summaries, we finally stopped apologizing.

Actually we began with photo-Christmas cards, sent from Ithaca, New York in 1961, the year after Debbie was born. This segment of CameosAndCarousels.com begins with copies of those photo-greeting cards from 1961 through 1969 and our move to Maryland. I’m pleased I kept copies; they do show the growth of our family from Christmas to Christmas – with Deborah (1961); Kenneth (1963) and Christopher (1965).

The annual Christmas letters had a choppy beginning. They became consistent following 1980, with only one omission (1985) over the last forty years! Karen and I alternated authorship over the years. You might find it a challenge to guess who wrote which ones, since the letters purposely exclude third person, singular pronouns. In 2008, the year of our fiftieth wedding anniversary, we included photos of the family for the first and only time. In 2009, Karen wrote our letter in the form of a poem. Each year since then, I have written the prose summarizing the year and Karen has composed a poem, usually blank verse, as her contribution to our greetings.

A consecutive reading of these annual Christmas letters is boring! Especially over the entire 40 year period. Part of the problem is that, for the last two decades, each year begins with a reference to national and international problems that negatively influenced our outlook on what had transpired as well as our hopes and prayers for the following year. Christmas should be a time for celebration of the Birth of the Messiah and hope for the Second Coming, the Advent, of Christ; it should not be a time for the despair which the secular world is producing. We have tried to be positive. This, perhaps, is the true intent of Karen’s annual poem: a prayer for the future.

It is suggested that the reader scan the prose of these letters to get an idea of who has joined our family over the last four decades and what they have done during the referenced year. May you find the prayer-poems to be of greater value!

Christmas 1963: Corvallis, Oregon

Dear Friends

How does time get away from us? We wanted to write a personal note to each of you long before now. Instead we must now hope that you will not be offended by this effort. The sincerity of the greeting that we offer is no less in this note than if we were to correspond individually with you. A separation by hundreds of miles and many months leads us to miss especially in this season of friendship and good will.

This year of 1963 has been not only a kind one but also an adventurous one for us. Most of you know that we now have a son. Kenneth Andrew was born in April while we were still in Hanover, New Hampshire. (At the time, however, Pat was in Atlantic City at some scientific meetings.)

At the end of July we bid our Dartmouth friends a sad farewell and began our travels to the West Coast. On the way, our longest visit was in Niles and in Sandusky with our parents. We were very happy that we were able to make side trips to Ithaca, Kent, Canton, and Mansfield as well. It was disappointing that we were not able to spend more time in New York and Ohio to visit with more of you; however the pace we set for ourselves was rapid since we still had two thousand miles to go before we “rested.”

From Sandusky our route took us to Madison, Wisconsin for our first stop. The next night we pitched our tent in Jackson, Minnesota. We had planned to camp our way across the continent once we left civilization (west of Chicago). However, we had not thought that we were going to leave civilization so far behind. The area around Kadoka, South Dakota greeted us with a stiff wind and nary a tree in sight. The hard dry ground did not appear that inviting to us Easterners and so, shorn of the true pioneering instincts, we tender-feet frove on to an air-conditioned motel in Rapid City. The third morning out of Ohio gave us welcome relief in the wooded Black Hills. Mount Rushmore was inspiring and to be truthful, was one of the few attractions that we photographed. (Most of the natural wonders of our country are stored in our memories rather than on Pat’s slides.) We spent that night in Sheridan, Wyoming.

Very early the next morning we began our ascent of the Big Horn Mountains. The preceeding day we had wished for some hills to break the monotony of the Great Plains of South Dakota. Now our wish was granted with a true vengeance. Actually, going up was much easier than coming down. The view as you climb this introduction to the Rockies is truly breathtaking. It must also be admitted that the descent is breathtaking too. But Karen did not resort to shutting her eyes. In fact she probably saw more scenery than Pat who was interested in the next hairpin turn.

The beautiful mountains and lakes of Yellowstone Park were viewed with great admiration by both of us. We especially enjoyed the beautiful and numerous trees. (Both of us became “tree happy” on this trip as you can see. Never again will we complain about Ohio being uninteresting.) Debbie liked the bears in “Jellystone”. We’re still not sure that she wasn’t convinced that Yogi Bear was hiding from us and that we should have made special efforts to locate him. That night we stayed in Idaho Falls.

We were determined to get out of the potato state that day and we made it across the line to Ontario, Oregon. “Green Oregon” was far from green until we got to the Cascades. We’re really not sure whether these mountains are as beautiful as travelers say or whether it is just the joy of finally reaching them. But they are impressive. We must confess that when we passed Oregon’s 7800 foot Mount Washington we chuckled about New Hampshire’s “mile high” Mount Washington. Out her the passes are 5000 feet high. However we were happy to take the passes and reach Corvallis the afternoon of the seventh day.

The eighth day brought us to 563 Jefferson Street. This eight room house with its 30 foot living room is more than big enough to keep Karen busy. But it doesn’t prohibit her from going to the business section of the city which is only a block away from our elderly tree-shaded neighborhood. The only disadvantage lies in the lack of playmates for Debbie. However, she is happy with her nursery school friends. (She misses her North Park Street friends and say “hi”.)

Besides doing housework, Karen is able to sing two nights a week. Pat is busy in the lab. He is (for those who haven’t heard and wonder why we made this trip) an assistant professor in the Science Research Institute at Oregon State University. The work so far has been involved primarily with research, although some lecturing will come later. Since Karen escapes from the house by singing, Pat has decided to relax by taking a drawing course one evening a week. So you see, the Camerinos are a busy lot. This is our poor excuse then for the necessity of a “form letter”.

We would like to visit once again with all of you. Perhaps in this shrinking world we shall. If you ever visit this “Great Northwest” we would like to extend our welcome. Until that time you will be in our thoughts. We hope this past year has been a kind one to you; may the coming months bring you an even greater measure of happiness.

Debbie (4 yrs) & Ken (8 mo)

Christmas 1964: Corvallis, Oregon

Dear Friends,

We’ve done it again. Once more, time has gotten away from us and the Holiday Season is here. Last year we received little criticism from you about our writing efforts. Perhaps you were being kind in the true spirit of the Time. We were impressed by the number who were so organized and so thoughtful to answer us. Although we seem to lack the organization to reply in kind, our warmest thoughts and hopes are offered to you.

We have done a number of other things again. As you can see from the address, we have moved from our large home to a more manageable one. We do not recommend trying to heat an eight room house with an oil furnace that has been converted from one that originally burned saw-dust. (Saw-dust furnaces are not uncommon in this part of the wooded U.S.) Since Debbie is now in kindergarten, we wanted a place close to a school. With all of our moving, we have yet to put up our Christmas tree in the same place as the year before.

Nor have we stopped yet. Pat has accepted a new position as a Grants Associate with the National Institutes of Health. We hope to move to Bethesda, Maryland (just outside of Washington, D.C.) in the middle of June. Although the move will take Pat out of active research and teaching and put him in the middle of administration, he is looking forward to the change. However, a second cross-country move is disconcerting. Right now the plan is for Karen and the kids to fly to Ohio. The third Camerino should arrive in Corvallis before then – but not much before. Perhaps the addition of an Oregonian to our New York – New Hampshire clan will give us an incentive to settle down.

The present family is continuing as usual. Karen is still singing Madrigals and whatever else comes along. Debbie is involved in kindergarten projects and withstanding the teasing of her young brother. This appears to be one of Ken’s major pastimes. Another is singing – in his own language since he seems to feel his words are every bit as good as ours. Karen’s singing did produce one unusual result. Pat was driving her and some others to Portland when the motor compartment of the microbus caught fire. We got out and watched it burn on the express-way until the fire department came. We are now driving a Chevy II station wagon. This did hinder our proposed second honeymoon trip to a resort on the Oregon coast. Although we never did get to the resort, we have gone camping at various parks along the coast. Camping is one of the things we will miss about Oregon; that and the Spring flowers. (We won’t miss the Apr., Mar., Nov., Oct., etc. rains that bring them – unless the East has another dry summer.

But our return will hopefully provide us with an opportunity to see some of you again. We hope that you have had a happy and rewarding year. We wish you an abundance of joy and prosperity in the coming months.

Debbie (5 yrs) & Ken (20 mo)

Christmas 1968: Rockville, Maryland

Dear Friends,

For the first time in ten years, you won’t have to change your address book to keep up with us. We’re looking forward to spending a second Holiday in the same home. And we don’t think we’re in a rut. In fact, we rather like it. However, this new role does have its disadvantages – or advantages depending upon your viewpoint. For example, a great amount of time last spring, summer and fall was spent in yard work – including Pat’s digging up several tons of rock, Rockville’s major element, to plant grass. Karen managed to get out of this task the hard way; our woods gave her five consecutive cases of poison ivy.

We did manage, however, to utilize our time more pleasantly last summer by trips to Ohio and New Hampshire to visit relatives and friends. Although the New Englanders kept apologizing for the cool weather, we had no objection to having it instead of Washington’s notorious humidity. We rented a charming home of a vacationing Dartmouth professor and had such an enjoyable week that we are now considering a similar vacation in Ithaca. Who knows, perhaps we might even make it to Corvallis one of these summers.

Upon returning to Maryland, the family became involved in the round of fall and winter activities. Karen, unfortunately, has diminished her efforts in singing. But her leisure time – that is, the moments allowed after keeping up with three energetic children – is now occupied with bridge, rug-hooking

Karen’s silk screen Christmas reindeer!

and silk screening. Not to be excluded, Pat has taken a course in oil painting. A few hours have been allotted by both of us for participation in a Great Books discussion group. The kids have not become engaged in group activities but have their unorganized fun anyway.

Deb, now in the fourth grade, is still in love with her classes; Ken has no complaints about his daily kindergarten sessions; and Kip keeps everyone busy just being Kip – a small package of dynamite. We shouldn’t exclude mentioning the new boss of the household – Felicia, a young but queenly cat.

On a family basis, this past year could be summarized as a routine, happy period with the usual minor problems and major pleasures of life. For them we are deeply thankful. We wish that these months have weighed as lightly on you as they have on us. May the coming days of the new year bring you contentment with life as it is and the courage to make it what it should be. We would join with you in praying and working for the fulfilment of those ancient but sill relevant words, “Peace on Earth to Men of Good Will”.

Kip (3 yr), Ken (5 yr) & Deb (9 yr)

Christmas 1980: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

Greetings from the land of oil, cattle, warm weather, Astros and Oilers – and yes – traffic and smog and traffic and humidity and traffic! Hopefully you have had a good year as we have and we trust the coming one will be even better.

Our year began with Deb’s departure for Europe in January. She spent a semester headquartered in London but with lots of time for side trips to Paris, Rome, Sweden, and all over England. She had a great time and came back with stories and photographs galore. We couldn’t make the trip this time, but it’s still in the forefront of our daydreams for the future. Deb is transferring to Trinity University in San Antonio next semester and should be able to finish in a year. Her major remains Theater – but she plans to stress the playwriting and directing side of it.

Ken will graduate this spring and is in the throes of making decisions on colleges and majors. At this writing he is looking at Tulane, Texas A&M, and the University of Texas – with a probable major in some phase of engineering. Ken has been active in church youth activities this year and has kept up his interest in choral music. He entered the state competition in vocal music this year for the first time and placed in the top eight second tenors in our part of the state.

Next fall will see us a three-car, one-son family! Kip is completing his sophomore year at Spring High South. (Weirdly enough, the school is changing its name to Westfield High next year, so Kip will be a Westfield Mustang instead of a Spring Lion when he graduates!) Kip just finished his fourth year as a football manager this fall. It is a mixed blessing to consider that he’ll be driving next year and there won’t be a carpool. If we have a “native” Texan in the family it’s Kip – even down to trying Skoal and Copenhagen! He’s having a good year and generally has a fresh batch of battle scars every weekend from the never-ending neighborhood football games.

As for Pat and Karen, we are happier and more involved than ever – mostly in Church work and in Marriage Encounter activities. We’ve finished a year of team-teaching a confirmation class and are at present acting as parish contacts for couples planning marriage, as well as serving as ministers of communion at Sunday Mass. We still commute together – actually Deb joined us for six months while working at the Texas Medical Center – and it makes the extra 10+ hours a week slightly more bearable. Karen is still keeping out of trouble by being Jill-of-all-trades for a priest and a sister in the Diocesan Office of Vocations. Pat is still working hard and profitably at Baylor College of Medicine. We have grown to appreciate the good things about Texas – not the least of which are warm winters and friendly, patriotic, God-loving people (of course a lot of them are displaced Yankees like us!).

We love you all and keep you in our thoughts and prayers this Christmas. May we see you soon!

Christmas 1981: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

We had such good intentions this year about getting our Christmas cards mailed early! As usual, procrastination won out! However, we have received several cards with new addresses from old friends, so maybe there’s a method to our madness.

This has been a very busy year for us. Deb has been finishing her college work at Trinity (San Antonio) in the Theater Department and will graduate this Friday, December 18! What excitement for all of us! She intends to remain in San Antonio after graduation and is beginning to look for a position for the new year. She has been taking many interesting courses from ‘deviant behavior’ to geology to comparative religions to playwriting. What fun!

Ken is a freshman at Texas A&M this year, majoring in electrical engineering. He is kept busy with the Newman Club, Century Singers, College Bowl quiz team, etc. If it weren’t for the 18 class credit hours he’s taken this semester, he’d probably be doing even more! It’s nice for us to have him only 1 ½ hours away by car.

Kip is a junior at Westfield High School and has just finished another season as varsity football manager. At the present time, he is earning some spending money a a ‘sacker’ at Randalls Supermarket. We think he has some idea of buying a car in the near future. Meanwhile, he’s having a good year.

Pat and Karen are very involved in church work these days. Pat was elected to the first Parish Council at Christ the Good Shepherd and Karen is a worship coordinator for Sunday Masses. We are also involved in teaching and coordinating a preparation class for young adults interested in Baptism, Confirmation and first Eucharist. We have put many of our Marriage Encounter commitments on the back burner for the time being, but are still active in our sharing circle. Pat has moved his office at work to the main Baylor building and is having a ball ‘playing’ with his new computer. Karen is still working in the Office of Vocations for the Diocese of Galveston-Houston. We are busy, happy – and now and then – tired! We really enjoy our life in Houston, but we do wish more of you would make the trip down here to visit. We traveled home to Ohio this past summer – now it’s your turn!

Christmas 1982: Spring, Texas

A Happy Holiday Season to you!

Every year we think we will have the time to start early and write individual and personal notes of immense length to y’all and every year the time gets away from us and we resort to this form of letter. We want you to know we think of you often even if we don’t write, and that we look forward to this opportunity to let you know how special you are to us.

Pat and Karen are as involved in church work as ever – if not more so. Pat is in his final year of preparation for ordination to the Permanent Diaconate. For those of you who aren’t Catholic – and probably for some who are (!) – Permanent Deacons are ordained Catholic clergy and serve in many of the same ministries as priests. They preside at marriages, baptisms and funerals; they read the Gospel and give homilies at mass; they serve with the priest at the altar during Mass. What they are not permitted to do is to hear confessions and to preside at Mass. Currently, there are around 150 deacons serving in the Diocese of Galveston-Houston and another 40 to 50 who are candidates. It is an exciting new opportunity for married men to serve as Catholic clergy, and at the same time it involves the cooperation and participation of their families. Pat and Karen spend most of their free time in study (Karen attends all of Pat’s theology, history, etc. classes) and in Church ministry. It givs their lives a lot of purpose and they are very happy about what the future holds for them.

Pat is still working at Baylor College of medicine as Director of Faculty Services. He likes it very much, even if there are never enough hours in the day to get everything done. Karen still works for the Vocations and Propagation of the Faith offices as secretary, bookkeeper, administrative assistant and flunky. It’s a good place to meet great people.

Deb is living in San Antonio after graduating last December from Trinity University. She works at the Trinity University Library. She seems happy and busy there and likes the slower pace of San Antonio (who can blame her!).

Ken is returning to Texas A&M in January and is thinking of changing his academic major to Accounting. He’s been working part-time at The Cornpopper – would you believe 32 flavors (!?) – from “Bacon & Egg” to “Pina Colada”!

Kip is a senior at Westfield High School. It seems likely that he’ll be going to Southwest Texas University in San Marcos or Sam Houston State U. in Huntsville next fall – both small schools in small towns. He’s doing well academically and socially – all in all a good senior year.

So – next year it’s Pat and Karen alone again. Our 25th anniversary is in June and it seems we’ve come full circle. Life has been very good to us – weight and grey hair notwithstanding – and we keep finding new joys and challenges each year.

We hope your year has been a good one. Know that you’ll be in our thoughts and prayers in 1983. Have a wonderful Christmas!

Christmas 1983: Spring, Texas

This year there are no apologies for our annual letter. We’ve been doing them too many times out of necessity (because of our tardiness in getting out personal letters) that it has now become routine to be late! Although they are “form” letters, we hope you know that we intend them to be more than junk-mail. Our love and concern for you is present, even when it is word-processed. This is especially true this year, a year of great personal happiness for us, yet one of general unease for so many we know and care about. We would like to share some of that joy with you; it would be better done through hugs and smiles than in mere print, however, our gratitude for the good in life is there … as well as our prayer that what is now in turmoil will be calmed during this Season of Hoped-for Peace and Goodwill. We have all undergone change during these past twelve months; in most ways that change has been growth in spirit.

Kip was graduated from Westfield High School, the first class to do so, and has entered Southwest Texas State University in San Marcos. (The school’s most noted alumnus had the initials LBJ.) He is currently considering to be a geography major: something had to be put down! Since a young lady in whom he has an interest is a senior at Westfield, he is in Houston almost as much as in San Marcos.

Ken continues to be a loyal Aggie, i.e. a creature who is associated with Texas A&M University. He has lived and worked in College Station during the fall semester and will be enrolled in January as a psychology major, having tasted both electrical engineering and business administration. He is involved as much as possible in singing and in the Newman Center, the Catholic student group.

Deb remains a Texan by residing in San Antonio, where she has an apartment and a job as a librarian in the city system. Now that she has a full time job and the money to go with it, she may become more hedonistic than she has been thus far.

The main event for Pat and Karen this year has been the celebration of their 25th wedding anniversary. The whole family was in town for the renewal of their vows at a special Mass celebrated in their parish, Christ the Good Shepherd. Once the younger ones were back in their own parts of Texas, the older pair went on a two-week vacation in England, Wales and Scotland … an adventure they have been waiting for a long time. With a well-used Britrail pass, they went from London to Penzance (no pirates but as far west as possible in southern England), on to Bath, Cardiff, York, Inverness (as far north in Scotland as one can readily go), and Edinburgh. It would be difficult to say what were the most enjoyed and remembered parts of the journey. All of the cathedrals seem to run together after a while; but Pat took 18 rolls of film to help sort it out. (So far, none of their friends have seen the results; Pat doesn’t know why!)

On the business side of life, Pat remains with Baylor College of Medicine; Karen left the Chancery/Vocations Office prior to the fall trip and is now working part-time in a Catholic bookstore in Houston. (It’s the only one; there is some doubt whether she gets paid in money or in books!)

A significant part of the year was consumed by more classes for Pat’s Diaconate. He will be ordained a Permanent Deacon on February 25, 1984. He still needs your prayers.

N.B. The reference to “general unease” is difficult to identify some forty years later. An Internet search for 1983 yields some references to bombings in Beirut, London, and the Senate-side of the Capitol Building. The U.S. invaded Granada. Japan had a major earthquake; there were fires in Australia. A nuclear war, by accident, with Russia was prevented. The Soviets shot down a Korean jetliner. There were riots in Seattle. The AIDS virus had been identified. All-in-all, it seems like a typical year, albeit, one for the twenty-first century rather than the last decades of the twentieth.

Christmas 1984: Spring, Texas

It scarcely seems possible that so much has transpired since our last Christmas letter. The year began on a sad note but the months of 1984 have brought us joy. Pat’s mother died last December; her funeral Mass was on the morning of Christmas Eve. He and Karen flew to Ohio and combined the sadness of loss with the gladness of His Birth. Deb, Ken and Kip were present for a combined New Year’s Day/Christmas Day with improved expectations for the coming year. The greatest expectation was realized on February 25th when Pat was ordained to the Permanent Diaconate. The life-style for us hasn’t been dull ever since!

As a Permanent Deacon Pat has been involved in not only liturgical celebrations but also in adult religious education. Karen has been with him on every step of the way. It is difficult to say who has been the more involved in activities at their parish, Christ the Good Shepherd, what with Bible study classes, convert education, college ministry, marriage preparation, etc. Yet there has still been time for prayer and reflection – albeit, never enough. In July they managed a visit to Ohio and a week in South Bend, Indiana for work-shops at Notre Dame. Their vacation also consisted of a long weekend in San Diego in September, with as much golden-beach time as possible.

There has been so much to do that there has been little opportunity to fall prey to the empty-nest syndrome. Kip is now a sophomore at Southwest Texas State University; Ken is in his third year at Texas A&M; and Deb continues to reside in San Antonio where she answers questions at the information desk at the public library. (The rest of the family is reluctant to challenge her in a game of Trivial Pursuit!)

Pat continues to play with a new computer system at Baylor College of Medicine. Karen has left paid employment to engage in almost a full-time occupation in the parish. Except for the salary, Karen seems to have the better deal. She is our expert on the Old Testament and is rapidly becoming one on the New; she is also very active in writing prayer services and has been accused of writing Pat’s homilies/sermons (at least the “better” ones)!

In summarizing 1984, it seems that little has occurred which can be easily tabulated. Yet there has been much peace and contentment, values which can not be measured but nevertheless pervade everything and make all of it worthwhile. We hope that this has been true for each of you as well. The tangible accomplishments may seem insignificant – or even non-existent – in themselves, but the spirit of peace is there and the sense of growth is ever present. May your growth, too, continue in the coming months. May your beauty shine forth in this Season and throughout your life.

Christmas 1986 !: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

It must be obvious by now that we are late with our Christmas greetings to you who mean so much to us. The Lord does work in mysterious ways sometimes and our best intentions take second place to the events of our lives.

On Saturday, December 13, we celebrated Ken’s graduation from Texas A&M University. All our Christmas cards were addressed and everything seemed to be on schedule. Then, on Monday, December 15, Pat’s father died in Ohio. He had been in pain for a long time and for him death was a gift from God. For the rest of us it was a shock and a sad time, but we too recognize the blessing in it. Pat and Karen spent a week in Ohio clearing up financial, legal and spiritual affairs and returned home on Monday evening, December 22. Christmas was beautiful as always. The “kids” were all home and we were once more reminded of the presence of God in our lives.

As for news, Pat and Karen are chugging along trying to find an extra few hours in each day. Pat is busy marrying, baptizing and catechizing at the parish as well as holding down his position at BCM. Karen seems to be a full time volunteer which is a real joy. She is training to be a spiritual director, singing at Baptisms, working in the food pantry, and generally keeping very busy! Deb is finding a lot of fulfillment and challenge in her new job as convention coordinator at the San Antonio Convention Center. It’s great to see her happy in her work. Ken is considering his options now that he’s out of school and one of them might be graduate school in the fall (if he can figure out how and where.) Kip is entering his last year at Southwest Texas State U. The world may soon have a new science teacher. He too, is busy, happy and involved in a number of hobbies such as karate and scuba diving.

Hopefully, next year we will have time to give you a more personal message at Christmas. Until then, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. May 1987 be a year of happiness and blessing for you.
Much love,

N.B. There is no Christmas letter for 1985, or at least my files do not include one. No explanation for the omission is available. For some reason, this letter for 1986 was typed using all capitals. The usual lower case is used for this electronic copy.

Christmas 1987: Spring, Texas

Sometimes it’s called “being organized”; othertimes, being a “pack rat”. Either way it results in a file of past Christmas letters back to 1980. Some began with an apology for another form letter (brought on, no doubt, by reading Ann Landers and all of her writers who dislike annual Christmas letters); others, with a bold assertion that next year we would get started early enough to write personal ones, but this year we were (again) so rushed that we had to resort to another form letter. (This is soft guilt rather than hard guilt.) No matter what the cause may be and recognizing that although you may side with Ann’s friends, we are, nevertheless, again sending what is now our “traditional” word-processed greeting. While it may be reproduced mechanically, the warmth we offer is far from mechanical.

Over the past year the changes have been minimal, or gradual enough to go unnoticed. Perhaps that means we are finally maturing, which sounds better than aging. One change has been Karen’s return to a paid position in the church. She is now the Associate Director of the Family Life Ministry Office for the Diocese of Galveston-Houston. This means she is involved in all those efforts that make up the part of life she omitted when she worked for the Vocations Office: engagements, marriages, annulments, family planning, parenting, family development, etc. Pat still devotes his days to Baylor College of Medicine and his evenings and weekends to Christ the Good Shepherd Catholic Community.

Deb remains in San Antonio where she is one of six coordinators for the city’s Convention Center. Having an office next to River Walk, a major tourist center, has its advantages and disadvantages. Ken is using his psychology training at a local psychiatric hospital. He has his own apartment about ten minutes away from Grand Valley, a minor tourist attraction for him when he is in need of a home-cooked meal. Kip is about to enter his student teaching in an Austin suburb. Next comes a full-time job as a biology teacher, probably in the Houson area, after he graduates from Southwest Texas State.

Our travel has been limited this year. A meeting in Charleston, S.C. allowed us a chance to see the Boston-of-the-South last spring. We recommend it highly. This summer we spent our usual week at Notre Dame taking a couple classes there: a busman’s holiday. A fall meeting allowed us to journey to Washington D.C. where we experienced their 15 inches of overnight snowfall. It was an excellent reminder of why we moved to Houston. (But we also admit that we miss the colors, even the whites, of New England and the northland.)

As we close this summary of our life for 1987, we wish each of you happiness and peace in the coming months. This next year dawns with a hoped-for change in the world. May it bring you a personal sense of the peace we seek.

N.B. It’s about time we stopped apologizing for what had become a routine endeavor. This appears to be the first computerized letter; at least an electronic copy does exist. There is, however, an “error.” This letter says my file goes back to 1980. Actually, I’ve found letters from 1963, 1964 and 1968. I’m even a greater pack rat than I thought.

Christmas 1988: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

Another year has gone by and with it many changes in the lives of the Camerino clan. It seems we are all in the throes of growth and change … and while that is normal and healthy, it can be unsettling as well. The “nest” is empty after years of the comings and goings of college students. It’s wonderful to see three children become such fine adults; but now and then it can lead to memories of how it used to be … and musings about future grandchildren seeing Santa for the first time. We are at the midpoint of it all, enjoying the intimacy and spontaneity of being a couple again. That part is good!

Pat is still chugging along at Baylor College of Medicine .. would you believe eleven years? … and busy preaching, teaching, marrying and offering spiritual direction at Christ the Good Shepherd. Karen is semi-retired after a year as associate director of the diocesan Family Life Ministries Office. She is working on special projects two days a week and filling her “spare” time with spiritual direction, volunteering and teaching adults at the parish. We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary by returning to England and Scotland in October. It was an exciting and wonderful experience. Come and see our photographs of castles and cathedrals!

Deb has moved from San Antonio to Denton, Texas where her intended, Joe Gunter, is working on a graduate degree. She is still looking for a position worthy of her talent and experience but seems content to live in Denton, a college town north of Dallas.

Ken is still working at Gulf Pines Psychiatric Hospital but is looking around for other options with more career potential. He is close by and becoming involved in the music ministry at Christ the Good Shepherd.

Kip (or Chris, as he is now called) graduated from Southwest Texas State University in August and is teaching physical science at Oak Ridge High School in The Woodlands, Texas. He lives in the same apartment complex as Ken, only ten minutes from home. He is hoping to teach biology next year but meanwhile is getting his feet wet as a first year teacher.

So here we are at the end of 1988, hoping that it has been a good year for you, too. Although we write seldom, you often cross our minds and enrich our memories of over thirty years as Pat and Karen. We value our friendship with you; it is our sincere hope that your lives are blessed and happy.

N.B. This electronic copy is one of the first ones printed on special Christmas paper. A very large candle with holly appears on the left side; it required that the format be modified as the outline of the candle was reached. It’s great how easily a word-processed version can accommodate this requirement. However, as a result the amount of “content” has been reduced, accounting for the brevity of this letter.

Christmas 1989: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends:

What a year this has been! For the world and for us, personally. So many changes, so much puzzlement about the future which looks so good, yet has so many potential surprises in it.

Early last spring, Karen went into “official retirement”, which means she now works three times as hard, enjoys it five times more and doesn’t get paid. She thought that she would have little to do; but that was before May 18th when we had over a foot of water inside our house as a result of a twenty-four hour flood in our part of Houston. Although the water did not stay long, it was sufficient to force us to put in new exterior dry walls and paneling, carpeting, drapes and furniture throughout the entire first floor. For several months we lived in our kitchen and a second floor bedroom. Yet, with prayer and her hard work, our abode was in order by the big date of August 12th, the day Ken married Tracey Sturek.

The newlyweds are as happy as any classic newlyweds could be. Ken is also beginning a new career with Universal Computer Management. Tracey, who is a truly wonderful daughter-in-law, is currently an office manager for an architectural firm. Once Ken completes his company training they will be moved, it appears, to the Washington, D. C. area, a place of fond memories for us; we hope it will become so for them.

Deb has gone back to school. She is seeking a Master of Library Science degree at North Texas State University in Denton while working full time as a librarian in Irving, a suburb of Dallas for our Yankee friends. She hopes to have her degree by next December. (Her Joe was awarded his MLS from Texas Women’s University in Denton this past summer; also on August 12th.)

Kip who now goes by Chris, is happily employed as a biology teacher at Oak Ridge High School in The Woodlands, TX, just north of Houston. He has decided to trade in his apartment for the thrills of renting his own house, complete with large dog (Ace) and small cat (Webster).

Karen and Pat were able to recover from the events of the spring and summer by relaxing for two magnificent weeks in October with the foliage of New England. A flight to Boston and a rental car trip along the Maine coast and overland through the Franconia Notch area, Stowe, VT and down through our beloved Hanover and Amherst to Mystic and Cohasset reminded us just how beautiful maple leaves and birch bark can be. Our Texas friends enjoyed the pictures and now understand us a little better.

Our changes have not been as dramatic, perhaps, as those now occurring in Central Europe. Perhaps the years during which all of us have prayed for peace are now bearing fruit. We truly hope so. We join you in wishing Peace on Earth for all of Good Will.

N.B. The “new mailing address” is not the result of a physical move, but rather of the devastations brought by the flood as well as other factors. For some unknown reason, neighborhood kids took to knocking over mailboxes, even brick ones such as ours. (Evidently trucks can be readily used as battering rams!) We now had our mail delivered to the postoffice on FM 1960, a process we had endured in Amherst for better reasons. Until re-reading this letter, I’d forgotten completely about this new, living condition! As to the “changes in Central Europe” … revolutions against Soviet rule had occurred in Hungary (June), in Prague (November) and in Romania (December). The Berlin Wall came down on November 9th and 10th. The Tianamen Square incident had occurred the preceding June. Yes, 1989 was a momentous year, even if none of it was part of our annual Christmas letter!

Christmas 1990: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends:

Last year we began our Christmas letter with the statement: “What a year this has been! For the world and for us, personally. So many changes, so much puzzlement about the future which looks so good, yet has so many potential surprises in it.”

It appears that the same feelings exist once more as we await Christmas 1990. The future now, however, does not look quite as “good” as last December with the shift in attention from Berlin to Baghdad. The level of “potential surprises” is even higher.

On the positive side for our family, we had neither floods nor hurricanes to occupy us … there are blessings! In fact the weather has been so mild this year that we were able to landscape our entire yard this past November. The roses are still in bloom!

In August of 1989, we celebrated the marriage of Ken and Tracey. One day less than one year later, in August 1990, Kip (who now goes by the name of Chris!) married Kelly Siegel. This way the boys (and we) will always be sure of remembering their mutual wedding days. We are looking forward to August 1991 to see what is in store for us … there is bound to be something!

Although there was a possibility that Ken and Tracey would be moving to Washington, D.C., upon completion of his training with Universal Computer Management, this did not transpire. The one-year newly-weds live near by. Ken has continued with UCM and Tracey with her part-time employment as an office manager for an architectural firm.

Chris and Kelly are living in The Woodlands, Texas, a planned community several miles north of Houston. They are both teaching at Oak Ridge High School. Chris handles biology and Kelly is the mathematics expert in the family. Between them they cover the scientific waterfront.

Deb has completed her work for her master of Library Science degree at North Texas State University in Denton and officially graduates this December. She has, however, been working as a full-time librarian in Irving, a suburb of Dallas … that northern Texas town. Both she and Joe Gunter work for an enlightened system in that the city council practically doubled their salaries; who said literacy doesn’t pay!

Karen and Pat traded off the foliage of New England this autumn for the majestic Rocky Mountains. Karen had wanted to see west Texas. That she did! We drove from Houston to El Paso and north through New Mexico to Estes Park Colorado. It was truly breath-taking. Then there was the drive back from Denver through eastern Colorado and northern Texas. If you want to see forever, that is the place to do it!

As we bring to a close both this summary letter and this year, we join all of you who long for peace. We wish you peace in your personal lives and hope that all of us can achieve what was promised by angels on high: “Peace on Earth to all of Good Will.”

P.S.: Although we have not moved, our mailing address is now a post office box: P.O. Box 90278, Houston, Texas, 77290-0278. Thanks!

N.B. The year began “well” with the Soviet Union on the verge of dis-union. On the other hand, summer saw the beginning of the re-unification of Germany. However, in August, Iraqi forces invaded Kuwait and by the end of the year, the world was wondering what the US and Russia would do about Saddam Hussein in 1991.

Christmas 1991: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends:

Another amazing year and another Christmas letter attempting to summarize it! Our note for 1990 began with a reference to the shift in our attention from Berlin (was that really two years ago?!) to concerns of Baghdad. Who would have thought, then, that we would now be puzzled by Russia, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Ukraine, Croatia, Serbia, Israel, Palestine, Syria and all the other names which last appeared on the maps at the beginning of our current century? Then there is personal history.

Before starting to write this annual letter, there is a need to review what has gone before. It is surprising to find that our first “epistle” was for Christmas 1963. It focused on our new son, Kenneth, our move from New Hampshire to Oregon and Deb’s adjustment to nursery school. (No mention of anyone named Kip.) In the one for 1968 from Rockville Maryland, we wrote: “Deb, now in the fourth grade, is still in love with her classes; Ken has no complaints about his daily kindergarten sessions; and Kip keeps everyone busy just being Kip – a small package of dynamite.”

What about 1991? First we write of the newest Camerino: Jordan Michael, born to Ken and Tracey on August 6th, weighing in at 9 lb, 12 oz. At four months of age, he is 17 lb (or so) and 27 inches (or so)! He is doted upon, as one might expect, by parents and grandparents. When Ken is not being an active father he continues with his computer work and program documentation; Tracey is seldom other than an active mother.

And the eldest of the “middle” generation: Deb. She is now Mrs. Gunter. Joe and Deb were married on October 12th in San Antonio in La Villita, the “Old Town” on River Walk, near where she worked when living there. The location was chosen as being central to where they live (Irving), we live (Houston) and Joe’s family lives (Corpus Christi). For our Yankee friends, that’s like having a wedding in NYC with family in Boston and Baltimore, while living in Buffalo! Needless to say, no matter where we all live, all of us are very happy for them.

And the one who didn’t make mention in our first Christmas Letter: Chris. He and Kelly have moved from The Woodlands near where they still teach to a house they bought in a development near us. Their plans call for a cousin for Jordan sometime in early May. With August 11th and 12th and October 12th for weddings over the past three years, and an August 6th birthday so far, what date looks good to you? Remember, Kelly teaches math and Chris handles biology. (In addition to coaching freshman football, he now also coaches basketball; will wonders never cease?)

What with births and weddings, Pat and Karen were not able to get away for an extended travel vacation as in prior years. But there was a week with a view of the Gulf of Mexico at Port Aransas in late October. Unfortunately, the weather was unseasonably cold and wet, so the view was from the condominium and not from the beach, itself. Nevertheless, it was a pleasant change from the world of College and Church. We, the older generation, have weathered these parts of our lives well, albeit, with concern about Karen’s folks who are still living in Ohio.

Yet, this is what life is about: love for friends and relatives; concern for the generations before and after; joy with births, marriages and yes, with deaths, as well, for all of these are integral to the God whose coming among us we celebrate once more. So once again, we wish each of you, peace and happiness in this time of joy and continuing wonderment.

Christmas 1992: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

Another year is ending and who could have predicted all that has happened in 1992? We have seen the world in turmoil and although that is not new, new areas of unrest and warfare fill our newscasts and our minds. Places such as Mogadishu and Bosnia-Herzegovina roll off the lips of anchorpersons these days – places most of us were unaware of just last year. Natural disasters have devastated this country and others – earthquakes, hurricanes, forest fires, tornadoes and typhoons have changed many lives forever. And into this cauldron comes the Prince of Peace to touch our hearts, to give us hope, to teach us about love and caring and everlasting life. Once a year we remember. If only we would remember every day!

This year for the Camerinos has been one of many peaks and valleys and not many plateaus. In May, our first granddaughter, Kirby Michele, was born to Chris and Kelly. She is a charmer (of course) and has won the hearts of one and all. Pat had the privilege of baptizing her and once again reaped the benefits of his call to the Permanent Diaconate.

Then in June, we traveled with a group of 50 to the Holy Land. It was a wonderful experience! Pat particularly enjoyed the hour we spent in a boat on the Sea of Galilee. We could have remained there all day long, remembering what was spoken there. Karen was moved to tears at the sound of the well at Nazareth where Mary and Jesus must have come every day to fill their buckets. We both found the “authentic” places to be more uplifting than the “traditional” ones, most of which are surrounded by fences or covered by churches. In any case, we want to go again some day and would encourage you to make the trip.

We also traveled to Eagle, Colorado where Deb and Joe are living now – a scant half hour from Vail. The Rockies are gorgeous and it was good to see them with our almost newly-weds.

Now for the valleys. We learned last year that Karen’s nephew, Steve, was infected with the AIDS virus. Karen spent some time in Ohio with her sister Tami and a lot of time on the phone as support to Tami and Steve. We lost Steve on September 9. He was a charming, witty, talented and caring man and he is sorely missed by all who knew and loved him.

On November 9, Karen’s mother died in Ohio. Once more the trip was made to celebrate Peg’s life and to grieve her passing. Karen’s dad and sister are left to comfort each other in Ohio. Tami has her son Jeff, daughter-in-law Sharon and a dynamo grandchild, Devon, to help her through the bad times. There are times when the distances between Texas and Ohio are very great; this is one of them.

Back to good news! Ken and Tracey are expecting their second child in February. Their son, Jordan Michael, is 16 months old and lots of walking (talking?) fun. We look forward to new life and more joys of being grandparents.

Pat is chugging along at Baylor College of Medicine during the week and at the parish several hours on nights and weekends. Karen is still on the Ministry Staff of the Cenacle Retreat House and spends her time in spiritual direction and retreat work. She also has another passion: counted cross stitch. She has begun a seemingly-unending project of making Christmas stockings for all the family, eleven in all! It keeps her out of trouble, Pat says.

Our love and prayers go out to all of you. May you have a blessed and happy holiday season and a peace-filled new year.

N.B. Over the years Karen created twenty-one Christmas stockings for relatives! In addition she produced several cross-stitched illustrations and samplers. Given her arthritis of the last few years, she has purchased completed Christmas stockings for our great-grandchildren! Good things sometimes require modification.

Christmas 1993: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

We find it hard to believe this is the “30th anniversary” of our Christmas letter efforts. For the first six Christmases or so, we did not bore you (if Ann Landers is to be trusted) with the activities of our family and the relations with kin and others. During many of the following years we also avoided the ritual, yet, in looking back at these efforts, it would be wonderful to have a written record of the memories of those missing years. Fortunately many of them still exist in the cluttered attic of our mind and the storage bins of our heart. What will be packed away for 1993?

In mid-February, another Camerino entered the world: Dillon Andrew, at 9 lb. 133/4 oz, joined his brother Jordan Michael, who had weighed a mere 9 lb. 12 oz. Tracey and Ken seem to be destined for large events in their lives. Dillon, who is just as cute as his big brother, is almost to the walking stage. Jordan is now in what some would call the “terrible two’s”, but he resides there only a minimal part of the time. Ken is still into computers and Tracey is still keeping up with the men in her life.

Not to be outdone, Chris and Kelly are counting on a brother or sister for daughter Kirby. High school biology and mathematics teachers must be especially addicted to lesson plans, since their children are scheduled for the end of the school year and the start of summer vacations: some vacations! Right now Kirby is the favorite grand-daughter and knows exactly how to win the adorableness awards.

Deb and Joe have moved back from Colorado to San Antonio where she is the Assistant Director for one of the branch libraries and he is with Our Lady of the Lake University Library. Although they have lost the mountains and scenery of the Rockies, they have gained in being closer to Houston, for us, and to Corpus Christi, for Joe’s relatives. They are also within driving distance of Dallas for the Cowboy games, which might even be more “relative” to the move south!

Since academic institutions no longer have a mandatory retirement age, a major project Pat has been working on for Baylor College of Medicine has been “incentives for early retirement.” It would be tempting for him to practice what he preaches. But some would say that this is probably equally true for the homilies he continues to give as a permanent deacon. Karen continues her own pursuit of a spiritual life through her ministry at the Cenacle Retreat House in Houston.

Once again Karen and Pat made a “big trip”; this time a cruise of the Mediterranean. It was the first time (and we hope not the last!) we have been on a cruise. It was even more fun than we were told it would be. The Royal Odyssey departed from Rome (where we visited the usual: St Peter’s Basilica, Sistine Chapel, Roman Forum, Colosseum) for Naples and Pompeii. Then to Cyprus and Jerusalem. (We still cannot believe we’ve been to Jerusalem twice within one year!) Then on to Rhodes and Istanbul, where Pat got his fill of Crusader sights. Next: Ephesus, Corinth and Athens. Yes, last year we “did” the Gospels; this year it was the “Acts of the Apostles” and St. Paul’s journeys. We both wish that we could have spent more time in Ephesus meditating and praying and in Rhodes, just drinking up the atmosphere. Our day-dreams now include a return to Athens and the Greek isles, shortly after winning the Texas Lottery!

In reality, we did get to Put-in-Bay and South Bass Island in Lake Erie where we spent a relaxing, long weekend. It was part of a visit for Karen to Sandusky while Pat was attending his 40th high school reunion in Niles. It gave us an opportunity to see dear friends and relatives once more. And that is what life is really all about: to share with friends and relatives the gifts of memories and dreams, the fabric of love.

No one can be sure of the memories & dreams yet-to-come; but we treasure those we have acquired these past 12 months. We hope that your treasures have also been found again at this particular season of the year, when we seek in a special way the peace and good tidings promised so long ago.

Christmas 1994: Spring, Texas

Dear Friends,

It’s difficult to get into the spirit of Christmas when the temperture is still in the 70’s and low 80’s! Even after these 17 years in Houston, we continue to be amazed at the lack of correlation between what we experience and what we remember. However, given the aging process, itself, there seems to be an on-going difficulty to coordinate what we do now with what we remember from five minutes ago.

There are other reasons, too, that make it difficult to enter fully into the joy of Christmas. They also relate to the aging process. During the past months, several of our good friends have returned to God. Karen’s father died very recently in Ohio, after a long illness. His passing now completes the transition of the last of our ancestors to a new life in the Kingdom. Yet we rejoice not only in their gift of life to us but even more in the gift of new life seen in our own grandchildren.

This past spring, in mid-April, Kennedy Lane joined her sister, Kirby Michele, in the life of Chris and Kelly. The event, as we promised last year, occurred at a time not to interfer too greatly with Chris and Kelly’s teaching. They still are involved in biology and mathematics in addition to raising two daughters. Somehow it all fits together.

Ken and Tracy have the pleasure of raising (or being razed by) two active sons: Jordan Michael, a talkative three pluser, and Dillon Andrew, a running two, capable of outdistancing twenty! Ken escapes to his computer at work and Tracy keeps going and going and going. Perhaps we all could use new energizers.

With Deb and Joe returning from Colorado to San Antonio last year, we have had more opportunities to visit with them. Although their respective libraries keep them occupied, they still get to the Cowboy games in Dallas. Karen even spent a weekend in Dallas with Deb to see one of the games. When you live in Houston, you do anything to see real football!

The two of us, however, have once again traveled farther afield than Dallas or San Antonio. Although our original vacation plans called for us to return to the Pacific Northwest where we once lived, we found ourselves back in Europe. This time it was part of an eighteen-day bus tour. We hover-crafted from England to France and were driven to Paris (magnificent at night) and on to Avignon (where Pat soaked up medieval history). Then on to Pisa (the tower still stands) and to Siena (another wonderful old, walled city) and Rome. Yes, this was our second trip to Rome; once (or even twice) is not enough. This time we had a very enjoyable day with a young priest friend who had just arrived for three years of study in theology. We then went to Florence, with insufficient time to see the museums, and on to Venice (the pigeons really do take over St Mark’s Square). Since that wasn’t enough to overload our senses, except for our common senses, we continued to Lucerne Switzerland and the Rhine Valley before returning to Amsterdam and London (with an extra day in Canterbury, since British Airways’ schedule precluded a same-day connection). We arrived in Houston exhausted, with a hope that someday we could return in a more leisurely fashion to Tuscany.

Within a week of our return to Houston, we waited out our “annual” flood waters. Although much of Houston was flooded, our house lucked out with the rising waters coming only ten feet from our front door. We have some great home-video to go with the still pictures taken in Venice.

So these are our memories for this last year. The usual mixture of sadness and joy. Each one has an appropriate place in God’s dreams for us. We pray that your own memories and hopes bring you the peace and good tidings caroled out two thousand years ago.

Christmas 1995: Cypress, Texas

“The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory: the glory of an only son coming from the Father, filled with enduring love.” As often as I’ve pondered those words, I still marvel at the goodness of a God who made himself so small for us. It isn’t the nativity I look at but the incarnation. The baby is important, but think of the Word becoming flesh! Think of the beach becoming a grain of sand, the ocean becoming a drop of water, the universe becoming a star – just so we mortals can look and hear and follow and live better lives. That will always be beyond me and yet so much a part of me that without it I couldn’t be myself.” Karen

It’s nearly Christmas again and here we are – letting you know that we love you and that you are important to us. We are sending this letter early, because as you have probably noticed, we have moved! After giving away hundreds of books, much furniture and many possessions hoarded over eighteen years in our previous house, we moved on May 8 to what may well be our final home. We love it! We live in as rural an area as northwest Houston offers; we have trees, cattle, horses, and Texas characters all around us. We have a kitchen with a skylight, a large family room and a master suite which is great. The other rooms are small but adequate and we still have a guest room for anyone who would like to visit (hint, hint).

The “kids” are doing fine. It is a great joy to have them all so close-at-hand. Our librarians, Deb and Joe, are still in San Antonio, but we love that city and visit as often as possible. Ken and Tracey presented us with another grandchild in September, Christina Noel, who charms all of us, including her brothers Jordan and Dillon. Ken is still involved in computer documentation and is doing well; Tracey is a stay-at-home wife and mother – a rarity these days, but a nice one. Chris and Kelly are still teaching high school science and math; Chris still coaches football and basketball. Grand-daughters Kirby and Kennedy are beautiful and wonderful. It’s amazing that we have five such perfect grandchildren! It’s fun when the house is full of eight adults and five children under the age of five. We do understand why young people have babies. (Karen maintains that if she had been Sarah, she’s not sure she could have laughed!)

Pat is still at Baylor College of Medicine. One new aspect of the new housing arrangement is that he works at home and “tele-commutes” to the College about once a week. His home computer is directly linked to the office and what with voice mail, home faxes, etc. there is little disadvantage in the change. (For others who have joined the electronic age, he can be found through “camerino@bcm.tmc.edu”.) We also continue our ordained and non-ordained ministries at Christ the Good Shepherd, now a pleasant 25 minute drive through the country, even though there is a local parish only five minutes away. Karen is still on the staff of the Cenacle Retreat House and is helping with the training program for spiritual directors there. It keeps her pretty busy and yet affords moments for prayer and reflection. Karen spent two weeks in Ohio this past summer, helping her sister Tami in the recovery process following brain surgery. It was an opportunity not only to be of service but also for two sisters to grow even closer together.

With the move to the new house coupled with months of double mortgages and utility bills, we weren’t able to get away for a vacation comparable to the ones we have enjoyed for the last several years. Nevertheless, a week in Galveston in mid-October was a welcomed respite, especially since it was after we had closed on our previous house.

With the birth of grandchildren and the passing on of friends and relatives, it’s a somewhat sobering thought that we are fast becoming the older generation. If serenity is part of the package, we’re all for it. Wisdom wouldn’t hurt either.

We hope your year has been a good one, filled with blessings and joy. Please know that you are in our thoughts and even if our correspondence is limited to this one letter a year, you are special to us.

Christmas 1996: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

Christmas is almost here again. It’s hard to believe a year has passed. With those of us who have left the fifties behind and have embarked on the journey to wisdom and serenity (hopefully!), the time passes more swiftly with each season. We are not frequent correspondents and Christmas affords us the opportunity to let you know that you are loved and remembered – even if we don’t tell you often enough!

This year has been marked with many joys and a few struggles. In March, Karen was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Fortunately, no chemotherapy or radiation was required and she is doing very well. We believe the Lord never lets an experience go to waste if we are open to the possibilities; and it seems ever since March, people suffering with cancer have come Karen’s way and have enlarged her ministry. She is still on the staff of the Cenacle Retreat House and loves it. Pat continues at Baylor College of Medicine and tries to work at home as often as his schedule permits. He also serves as a permanent deacon and is kept busy with teaching, marriage preparation and preaching. Retirement from Baylor is still a few years away, but he won’t have any trouble filling his spare time.

The “kids” are all well. Ken and Tracey have bought a new home and are busy making it perfect. Their three children, Jordan (5), Dillon (3) and Christina (1) are wonderful, beautiful and energetic; they keep their parents (and grandparents) hopping. Ken has recently changed jobs but remains in computer documentation. Chris and Kelly are still teaching, although Kelly has moved to a different school district. In spite of tight schedules and endless hours for Chris as a coach, they thrive on it. Their girls, Kirby (4) and Kennedy (2) are also terrific and gorgeous. Deb and Joe continue to live in San Antonio where they, too, have bought a new home and, like the others, are striving towards perfecting it, especially the landscaping. Deb has moved to the main branch of the city library system where she answers all sorts of weird questions. Joe is the librarian at Providence High School. Their season tickets to the Cowboys games and their full house of two dogs and three cats keep them occupied.

In October, we did manage to get away for a two-week trip to Greece and Turkey. It was part-cruise and part-land-travel. We saw some places we haven’t seen before and enjoyed them immensely: Santorini, Mykonos and Delphi. It was also good to get back to Istanbul, Ephesus, Rhodes and Athens. We have decided that cruises really need to be longer than a week in order to relax completely, especially when jet lag is waiting at the end.

We love our new (one and one-half year old) house in Cypress among the horses, cows and goat farms … but not within smelling distance! We encourage y’all to drop by and stay awhile.

Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers this season. May you have a wonderful Christmas and a new year filled with joy.

Christmas 1997: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

This year Christmas comes to Houston in a blaze of reds and golds. Unlike many of you we cannot look forward to a white Christmas with every card we write. But this year we have been blessed with New England foliage. A few weeks ago our temperatures took an unusual drop into the high thirties before rebounding to the low 70’s. It was enough to eliminate the chlorophyll and allow the reds and golds to break through. They bring back so many fond memories of the days we spent with many of you in years gone by. We wish we were able to be with you now, in person, to tell you how much we love and miss you. Instead these mere jottings will, once again, have to suffice.

It is also time to sum up this past year. In general, it has been a good, stable one. Karen remains a cancer survivor, for which we give great thanks. Pat continues to survive trying to keep 1,500 faculty members relatively content with administrative “stuff.” His thanksgiving will come upon retirement one of these years.

A major event was again the birth of a grandchild, the sixth. Thomas Joseph joined his brothers Jordan and Dillon and sister Christina in September. Ken and Tracy continue to thrive among the managed chaos.

Chris, Kelly and their daughters, Kirby and Kennedy, now do their own thriving in a new, larger house just outside of The Woodlands, Texas. They have more trees but we still like our own place in the country. (In case you’ve noticed, few Houstonians actually live in Houston.)

Deb and Joe continue to landscape and re-do their own home in San Antonio in between answering librarian-type questions put by adults and teenagers seeking knowledge, if not wisdom.

Karen and Pat still attempt to respond to spiritual and theological inquiries at the Cenacle Retreat House, for her, and Christ the Good Shepherd Catholic Community, for him. We hope that there is some wisdom as well as information in what we offer.

Once more, we took time away from Houston and the U.S. We were fortunate enough to spend two weeks in October touring castles and cathedrals in England and Wales. For the ruins we recommend Carnarvon Castle in Wales and for the “modern” look, you can’t beat Windsor. For cathedrals there are Winchester, Salisbury and York; take your pick; we liked them all.

Yet it is good to get back home, kick off our shoes and relax. We hope that such happiness and simple joys are yours as well. As the years pass, we seem to be mellowing out … which sounds better to us than the urging to “chill out.” We sincerely hope that you, too, are finding peace and tranquility in your lives as we approach the new millennium. As this century tumbles towards closure, we wish you a wonderful Christmas and a new year filled with joy.

Christmas 1998: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

It’s a little difficult, even after all of these years in Texas, to get into the holiday spirit when the temperature is still in the eighties. But this condition is better than the floods of October and November. Our neighborhood had some impassable streets and we needed creative routes to get to the main highways, but we did survive better than some, for which we are grateful. One flood is more than enough for us, even though there are Houstonians who live through them on almost an annual basis. We are indeed pleased that we moved from “Ponderosa Forest” to “Longwood” three years ago. (Yes, that really was the name of our subdivision for the first eighteen years in Houston!) Given our current plans, we are looking forward to our future years in Longwood, or Cypress Texas if you prefer the town to the subdivision.

Pat’s plans, in concert with further restructuring at Baylor College of Medicine, call for him to “retire” as of July 1, 1999. This is one way to beat the Y2K problems, providing the TIAA/CREF system that writes the retirement checks makes it into the next millennium. Regardless of all the dire predictions for the end of next year, we are looking forward to the days of this millennium and the next. We hope you are too as we enter this countdown period.

With Pat’s retirement, we intend to continue, if not increase, our travels. This last year we were in Ohio for Pat’s 45th high school reunion. Karen spent the time with her female relatives searching for and finally finding Greer Ohio and their Swank – Fulmer roots. This has been an annual quest for a number of years now. Yes, it would have been easier to have used an Ohio map; but then the challenge would have been gone. She now needs another quest.

In addition to the Ohio vacation there was also an extended wedding for the son of a dear couple in Beverly Hills. We could write an entire letter on that experience. But if we did, an even longer journal would be needed for the two weeks we had in Italy in October. We began with Venice and the Italian Alps. The next week took us to the Italian Riviera and finally to Florence. It is remarkable just how many churches and museums two people can see if they are determined. (Pat has five hours of video tapes which he has not yet dared to show to “friends” or people he would like to keep as friends. Karen bought him a computer program for editing video tapes and that is to be one of his “retirement” projects. Those who might visit us after July 1, 1999, are now forewarned. This might encourage you to see us before then.)

Karen is still very active with The Cenacle Retreat House as a spiritual director and a trainer of spiritual directors. Her plans call for her to continue this journey along with her ministry to those with cancer.

Our six current grandchildren continue to amaze and amuse us. Jordan and Kirby have begun first grade. Their brother and sister Dillon and Kennedy are looking forward to joining them for full days for school. Christina and Thomas, siblings of Jordan and Dillon, have a few more years to wait, even if it is impossible for them to really “wait” for anything!

Ken now works for BMC, a computer company. Tracey works for Jordan, Dillon, Christina, Thomas and a sister-to-be-named. Chris continues to teach, although this year’s chemistry is not preferred to the biology of the past years. (The same goes for the football team he coaches.) Kelly still focuses on the mathematical side of education. Deb and Joe remain as librarians in San Antonio, although the ratio of books to electronics may be shifting.

And so another year rushes to its conclusion … along with the century and the first two thousand years of celebrating the birth of the Christ child. This is what this letter is really all about. The celebration of the coming into our lives of the Son of God, calls us to remember you, our friends who have come into our lives at some time in the past and who remain in our hearts and memories. Once more we wish you the joy of this Day of Celebration … and of all those to come.

Christmas 1999: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

The end of year, century and millennium approaches. You may be as bored as we are with the wrap-ups, summaries and listings of what has been best for the last 100 or 1000 years. Back in the good ol’ days of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s when we first met many of our long-lived friends like you, none of us gave much thought to being around for the year 2000, let alone being concerned about something called the Y2K bug. We were more interested in surviving the current year, hoping for the best in the next and keeping up with our VW bug. (Ours was gray before we graduated to that first yellow minibus which burned up while we were living in Oregon. When was the last time you played the game of trying to remember, in order, the models and colors of the vehicles you drove over the past four or five decades? Our first car was a ‘57 black and white Fairlane 500!)

Yes, it is the time for nostalgia and reminiscing about all of those events of our life. For us, looking over Christmas letters from years ago has been a blessing. The first is dated 1963. Pat, as you might suspect, is reluctant to discard anything that might be “important” to us at some unknown time in the future; but then, Karen has the better memory (as most wives do.) There are also those old photograph albums and the boxes of slides that never made it into the cartridges buried in the back of the closet. They help in stimulating warm reflections on where we were when we first met you. So as we wrap up whichever interval is worth celebrating, year, century or millennium, there are those personal time capsules we cherish because they remind us of our friends and relatives who have journeyed with us. It’s for this reason that we continue to write (keyboard!) these annual Christmas letters.

We are hoping that there will now be more time for such reminiscences, since Pat has, as of July 1, retired from Baylor College of Medicine. During the last two weeks of June he went on his vacation and never went back to work. For those of you who have not yet begun this new life, you might consider this method of beginning. He maintains that this is the way to do it. He also keeps on saying that every day feels as if it were a Saturday. (For those of you who have been there, when does this “feeling” end?)

That June-July “vacation” included a week in South Bend and a workshop at Notre Dame in spirituality. Karen is still devoting much of her time to spiritual direction at The Cenacle Retreat House in Houston, although she maintains she is “cutting back” in order to have more “free time” like Pat’s. The post-Notre Dame visit included a week in Ohio visiting friends and relatives and seeing old favorites (Kent State) and new ones (the Amish country.)

This Ohio trip was a prelude to our annual “big trip.” During two weeks in September-October we were on a river-boat cruise from Vienna to Amsterdam. It was relaxing to be on the Danube (not quite blue), the Main and the Rhine with their 73 locks (but no bagels.) We lost track of the bergs and burgs along the way. However, Regensburg, Nurnberg, Bamberg and Heidelberg are stand-outs. Karen took over 20 rolls of photos; Pat managed to record only six hours of video which he hopes to edit to two hours with a computer program he is finally getting around to using. He would be farther along in his cinematography if he were not also involved in additional parish work (preparing couples for marriage), in rose gardening and in taking Spanish classes at a local community college. (This is “retirement?”) Karen has continued with her CanCare (cancer) ministry and with a Labyrinth meditation that traces its history back to the Cathedral at Chartres.

Being grandparents has also taken on new meanings … along with a new grand-daughter, Victoria Elizabeth, who has joined Jordan Michael, Dillon Andrew, Christina Noel and Thomas Joseph in Ken’s and Tracey’s family. Chris and Kelly continue to be involved with Kirby Michele and Kennedy Lane. Computers for Ken and teaching for Chris and Kelly keep them otherwise occupied. Deb and Joe maintain their library work in San Antonio and road trips to Dallas for the Cowboy games.

Thus, another page is added to our personal time capsule, a capsule also filled with love and affection for all of those who have made this passage of time so worthwhile, so filled with joy and warmth. As we rush towards the closing of one series of doors, we eagerly await the opening of many others. May the new days be as warm and bright as the ones we have already spent with you. As Christmas Day approaches, we again wish you the joy and the rejoicing found in the Celebration of the One who continues to make all of this possible.

Christmas 2000: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

Remember last December when some of us were so concerned about Y2K? New Year’s Day went by with more of a whimper than a bang, thank goodness! Now here we are in mid-December and as of this date we still don’t know the name of the next president! We hope by the time you receive this note, all will be resolved and the 200 lawyers will have moved on to other cases. We must be getting old. We remember the ‘good old days’ when we knew with some certainty on Wednesday who had been elected on Tuesday.

We have had a good year. Pat hasn’t missed commuting to the Medical Center at all, and Karen has enjoyed having him around the house – even if he spends much of that time wooing his computer! He has been very involved in the marriage preparation aspects of parish ministry, on both the parish and diocesan levels. At any given time, he is working with some l5 or so engaged couples, as well as teaching several courses at the parish. We wonder how he ever had time to hold down a full-time paying job.

Karen is still spending much of her time at the Cenacle Retreat House, teaching, doing spiritual direction and facilitating days of prayer and retreats. It’s not full time, but sometimes it feels that way! She really has cut back on the teaching aspects of her job in order to make time to be with Pat more, to travel and to explore new avenues for future ministry.

Of course, we are blessed by having our children and grandchildren close by. At present we have seven of the most beautiful, talented and brilliant grandchildren ever created – no bias here at all! Ken and Tracey are expecting number six next summer. We never cease to be impressed with their parenting. If anyone can handle a family that large, they can do it with grace and skill. Chris and Kelly and their wonderful daughters, Kirby and Kennedy are also a source of joy for us. When all of us are around, including Deb and Joe who are still living in San Antonio, we have joyful chaos. We have been tempted from time to time to consider moving back to a state where there are fall leaves, winter snow and crisp evenings, but with all the kids and grandkids here in Texas, we’re here to stay. We remember too well our own children growing up without much contact with our parents and we’ll do whatever we can to be close at hand while our children’s children grow up.

Our annual trip this past year was one of the best ever! We spent three weeks in the Alps, the first week in Stresa, Italy, the second in Gstaad, Switzerland, and the final week in Seefeld, Austria. Each place was filled with beauty, history and time to relax and explore. Perhaps our favorite side trip was to take the lift to the top of a mountain in Austria and watch while several parasailors took off below us. We visited Oberammergau, Germany and bought a lovely handcarved nativity to add to our collection. We also bought some nativity figures in Austria – an unusual group dressed in Tyrolean outfits (the three wise men are wearing top hats, black suits and knee britches!).

We are doing pretty well, health-wise, although we’ve added eyeglasses and pillboxes to our list of indispensable take-alongs. Karen will celebrate five years of being cancer-free in March, 2001. We never know what life will reveal in the next year, but God has been very good to us in our 42+ years together and we look forward to the next years with anticipation and trust.

We wish you – our relatives and very special friends – a blessed and joy-filled Christmas and a wonderful New Year. Our thoughts are with you often, even if we limit the words to these annual letters.

Christmas 2001: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

Thanksgiving Day has passed (although the days for giving thanks remain) and so it’s time to write our annual Christmas letter. A decade ago, we began with references to foreign sites that had suddenly become important in our lives: 1989, Berlin; 1990, Baghdad; 1991, the nations of the USSR; 1992, Mogadishu, Bosnia-Herzegovina. Today, we add Afghanistan. Two years ago we were worried about the Y2K “bug”; today, anthrax. A year ago we were puzzled about who would be declared to be the actual President of our country; today we are puzzled by the actions of our country … in national security, in civil liberties, in economics, in peace and in war. Only one event remains constant: our trust that the One whose birth we still celebrate will continue to be with us regardless of the other changes in our lives.

For the 17th consecutive year, our parish of Christ the Good Shepherd has sponsored an interfaith Thanksgiving service in which we have, personally, been deeply involved. An integral partner in this has been our neighbor: Congregation Jewish Community North. Over the years we have been joined by ministers and people from local Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran and Episcopalian communities. This year’s service began with a reading from Ecclesiastes:

“There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces. A time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

We, ourselves, have experienced many of these “times” over the last twelve months.

A joy-filled time was the birth of our eighth grandchild, Olivia Dominique, who joined Jordan, Dillon, Christina, Thomas and Victoria, along with her cousins: Kirby and Kennedy. We have been saddened by the deaths and sudden accidents befalling dear friends. We have been thankful for the quick recovery of Jordan from surgery to correct a lung problem.

We have been pleased and invigorated by our spiritual work … Pat with preparing young couples for marriage and witnessing their weddings; Karen with preparing and offering days of prayer and reflection at the Cenacle Retreat House. It seems that Pat, although increasing his parish activities, still has time for personal fun in his retirement and Karen, by decreasing her involvement with the training of spiritual directors, has opportunities for personal growth and enjoyment. Pat has taken on the “project” of archiving old photographs and slides onto his computer; Karen of completing good, ol’fashion albums for “hard-copy” recollections.

In addition to helping Tracey raise six excellent grandchildren, Ken continues as an “information architect” with PentaSafe, a software company devoted to computer security. Chris and Kelly are involved in the education of our other two excellent grandchildren and undertake other teaching tasks with biology and mathematics students at Oakridge and Klein Oak high schools, respectively. Deb remains as a librarian in San Antonio while Joe attempts to adapt to a new position as a librarian in Nashville, TN. (Only time will tell whether they become attached to the Titans or Texans!)

This year’s travel for us has been “domestic.” There was a two-week Alaskan land-tour and cruise. Pat became fascinated with 24 hours of daylight; unfortunately during those long days, we saw only a few small creatures. (The elk, moose, bears, whales, etc. must have gone south for their own vacation in July.)

Karen planned on going with Deb for an Ohio visit in mid-September, but other events precluded a trip then. However, the two of us did get away for a weekend where Pat was honored as a distinguished alumnus of Niles McKinley High School. A major pleasantry of that trip in late September was our opportunity to see the foliage change in northeastern Ohio. We really do miss it; but we miss seeing our friends even more.

Yes, there is a time for everything, for every change. Yet we do not wish to change in our warm thoughts and recollections of what you mean to us … and will continue to mean … as we move forward into the uncertainties of the next part of our journey with our Companion for the way of life … our life and His whose birth among us we celebrate this season … and all seasons.

Christmas 2002: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

Advent is a season during which we are encouraged to wait in hope for the coming of the Christ-child into our homes and into our hearts. This year, we find ourselves torn between this very real hope and the darkness which creeps over our world. It brings to mind Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s words to the traditional Christmas Carol: “I heard the Bells on Christmas Day.” The second verse reads: “And in despair I bowed my head. ‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said, ‘for hate is strong and mocks the song of peace on earth, good will to men.’”

With each passing day, our prayer is that calm heads will prevail and that war will be avoided. As Jimmy Carter said when accepting the Nobel Peace Prize: “Sometimes war is a necessary evil, but even when it is necessary, it never ceases to be evil.” It is our hope that we will some day live in a world where war is never considered necessary, but only evil.

As far as family news is concerned, we continue to be healthy, busy and happy: Karen with retreat work, days of prayer, and spiritual direction; Pat with marriage preparation, teaching religion classes, and (for retirement fun) computer projects. We spent 2 ½ weeks in France in April. We had a wonderful time in Paris, the Loire Valley, and cruising down the Rhone River. Given the economy, we will probably travel domestically next year – perhaps along the Eastern seaboard.

Deb and Joe are doing well with libraries and menageries (two dogs and three cats). Joe is the new director of the library in Boerne, Texas – a charming, small town – and Deb is a reference librarian at the main San Antonio library.

Ken and Tracey and their six beautiful kids are doing well. They are home schooling the oldest four this year. We stand in awe of their courage and commitment. Ken’s software company merged with one from California and he is adjusting to the new policies and procedures here in Houston.

Chris (Kip) and Kelly have had some struggles this fall. Kelly was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery in November. From all indications, they caught it early; treatment will be minimal and recovery assured. We are truly thankful for the early diagnosis. In a different kind of “struggle” – the Oak Ridge football team, for which Chris is an assistant coach, made it to the state semi-finals for its division.

To all our friends and relatives, may this Christmas bring you personal joy, and may the coming year be one of happiness and many blessings.

Christmas 2003: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

Last year we began our annual letter with a heart-felt hope for peace … for a desire that war could be prevented or shortened. Our desires were not to be met as the killings continue and no true conclusion is in sight. We have, nevertheless, survived another year and can only hope and pray, as we have in the past, that people can learn not only to accept differences but to celebrate them as well.

Our personal lives continue with anticipations we have held over the years. We preserve both our hope and our certainty that Emmanuel is, indeed, with us and will be with us on our journeys. Much has happened in 2003; these are our summaries.

While Joe has been serving as the new director of the library in Loveland, Colorado, Deb has had the opportunity of using their season tickets for “The Texans” to see several games with Karen (it’s called “female bonding.”) The rest of her time has been in directing several adult reading/discussion programs at the library in San Antonio and in remodeling their house in hopes of enticing the right buyers.

Ken and Tracey had minimal problems in finding someone to buy their house. In fact they sold it so quickly that they had to move into an 1,600 sq. ft. rental until their new home is ready (sometime between Christmas and New Year’s!) In the meantime they continue to home-school Jordan, Dillon, Christina and Thomas … while keeping track of Victoria and Olivia as well. All of this is the result of Ken’s finding a position with Mobius, Inc. a software company with headquarters in Rye, NY. (He tele-commutes from home … another reason for a new, larger, house.)

Chris and Kelly along with Kirby and Kennedy live a more quiet life … one that involves only teaching high school biology or mathematics, coaching football (they won the division title) or cheerleading … along with transporting, watching and encouraging Kirby in her basketball events and Kennedy with her acting talents. All of this helped them pass the time between Chris’ classes for his Master of Education degree (to be completed in 2004) and Kelly’s successful recovery from breast cancer surgery and treatments. (Her new hair looks great!)

Karen and Pat’s hair continues to turn grey; at least he is thankful that there still is some, considering the genetic possibilities. Our own aches and pains have been kept (relatively) at bay over the last year. Perhaps this is a result of prayer and our spirituality as we continue our ministries at the Cenacle Retreat House and Christ the Good Shepherd Catholic Community.

Despite these on-going events we did find time to visit Ohio in August (during the blackout) for Pat’s 50th high school reunion and to take a two week vacation in New England in early October, just in time to see the height of the fall foliage in New Hampshire, Vermont and Massachusetts, to visit the locations of former lives and to renew friendships. (A side trip to Washington DC and one to New York City … for a visit with cousin Donna … were bonuses.) We hope that next year will allow us a planned trip to see the Netherlands and Belgium during springtime.

In the days ahead we will continue to pray that the world can see the fulfillment of that promise made two thousand years ago … Peace on Earth to those of Good Will. In the meantime, we wish each of you peace and happiness in your own lives.

Christmas 2004: Cypress, Texas

Dear Friends,

For the past forty-plus years we have looked forward to writing a Christmas letter. This year, however, there is a high level of apathy. It has been so long since we’ve been able to begin this summary with hopeful comments. The last somewhat positive beginning was in 1999 when we wondered about the Y2K bug! It’s with nostalgia we look back to a peaceful time in our history.

Yet we really have nothing to complain about on a personal level. (Perhaps, this too, has been part of the “problem.”) Much has been a continuation of previous years; and they have been good to both of us … as well as to our off-spring.

Deb has a new “house in the country” in Elmendorf, Texas, a southern “ex-urb” of San Antonio, where she remains with the SA library. She is surrounded by woods, cattle and other critters. Joe continues at his library near Loveland, Colorado. Their frequent back-and-forth visits provide vacation spots for both of them.

Ken and Tracey have also purchased a new home, albeit not in the country but by a suburban lake, and with an uncountable number of rooms. (As of Columbus Day, there is a seventh addition to the family: Damien Paul.) Two of the rooms are dedicated to home schooling: one for the older kids (Jordan, Dillon and Christina) and the other for Thomas and Victoria. Olivia learns everywhere else; no doubt so will Damien. Jordan, Dillon and Thomas are taking guitar lessons, while Christina is playing the piano. (Von Trapp family someday?!) Ken works on his at-home computer for his Rye, NY company.

Chris has completed work for his M.Ed. degree and is now an Assistant Principal at Oak Ridge High School, where he formerly taught biology and coached football. He claims he enjoys the administrative life and the lack of grading homework. Kelly still grades her mathematics papers in addition to supervising extracurricular events such as cheer-leading. Kirby will no doubt follow along, given her current cheer-leader and basketball activities. Kennedy continues to perform in plays and in general “cuteness.”

The oldest (or older) members of the clan had a most enjoyable two-week river cruise in Holland and Belgium in April, during tulip time in the low countries. There is little more overwhelming than fields of tulips, unless it’s chocolate! We encourage others of you to consider river-boat trips in Europe. (This is our third.) They have the advantages of other cruises (not needing to unpack every night) with the addition of fascinating, daily stops in towns and cities.

Pat has spent an inordinate amount of time reliving past trips by transferring, editing and adding musical backgrounds to camcorder results (now on computer-burned CDs.) Karen’s pastimes involve needlework; it helps keep the arthritis at bay. Both continue with religious/spiritual ministries at Christ the Good Shepherd and the Cenacle.

Perhaps it is because of these on-going interactions with young couples planning marriage and future lives together and with older folks wanting a deeper prayer-life that we have been able to counter this secular-apathy which pervades life in the late months of 2004. After-all, now is the time to celebrate the Birth of the One whose life began with angels singing: “Peace on Earth to those of Good Will.” We continue to hope such people do exist. We know that He does!

Christmas 2005: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

Needless to say, this has been an eventful year! For Asia with tsunami and earthquake. For the northeast with unnamed floods and the southeast with damage from Katrina, Rita and Wilma. With bombings and deaths continuing into the thousands in the Middle East, it is a difficult to think of peace on earth. And yet, we still express that hope and desire. Perhaps next year will be different.

In one major way the coming months will bring us a significant change. This is, in fact, the reason why you are receiving this annual message somewhat earlier, we hope, than in previous years. We have sold our house, as of last June, and are in the process of settling into a “retirement” community: Eagle’s Trace, an Erickson community, the first in Texas. Our new mailing address is: 102 Pecan Grove, Apt. 410; Houston, TX 77077.

Pat finally got tired of yard work: planting, weeding and feeding flowers. Karen had enough of feeding both of us; the complex includes one meal a day as part of the monthly fees (usually dinner.) Our own apartment has a bedroom, two studies, living room, kitchen and two bathrooms. The adjoining building houses two dining rooms, pool, fitness room, class rooms, work shops, convenience store, postoffice, bank, lounges and 24-hour medical facility. For those of you who are computer minded you can check it out at http://www.ericksoncommunities.com/eth/ So far it’s almost like living in a resort, or being on a continuing vacation.

Our last, actual vacation in April afforded us two weeks in Italy, one based in Sorrento, the other in Montecatini near Florence. Yes, we enjoyed it. (It was also interesting being in Italy when Benedict XVI was elected Pope!) Our other journey this year was to Dallas for a wedding, scheduled for the weekend Rita visited East Texas. We joined with several million other close friends for a 14-hour drive from Houston to Dallas! Fortunately we had no additional hurricane problems directly. The interim apartment where we lived between June and November had its share of evacuees from Louisiana.

The rest of our lives have continued in the same paths begun in previous years. Ken, Tracey and their seven kids (our marvelous grandchildren!) continue with home-schooling. Chris, Kelly and their two daughters (our other marvelous grandchildren!) continue with events in the Klein and Conroe ISDs. Deb and Joe continue with their bookish ways as librarians. Karen and Pat continue with their religious callings at The Cenacle and at Christ the Good Shepherd. Some might say we are all “in a rut.” But this is the way peaceful lives also continue. We have our health and we have sufficient resources to live with personal happiness much of the time (the brief periods for griping are, indeed, brief.)

We recognize our individual blessings, especially at this time of the year. We merely wish that the rest of the world could experience them as well. We sincerely hope that you, too, are feeling blessed by the One whose birth we still celebrate this season.

Christmas 2006: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

To all of our friends and family:
May the peace and joy of this holy season be with each of you!

We have had a very busy year. We are well settled here at Eagle’s Trace. With every passing day we are more and more convinced our decision to move into this community was an excellent idea. We are involved in a variety of activities here. Pat is a part of a computer club and a Bible study group. Karen is involved in a poetry group and the choir. Both of us are active with the book club, the interfaith ministry board, and the Ambassadors (a group of residents who open their apartments to folks who are considering a move to Eagle’s Trace.) When you combine these activities with our usual commitments to the Cenacle Retreat House and the parish (a thirty mile drive, one way), we hardly qualify as retired! (And there are also Karen’s water exercises!)

Deb has a new position as branch manager of one the libraries in San Antonio. It is an exciting new opportunity for her. She is still enjoying her country life in Elmendorf, amid the gophers, snakes and other critters. Happily, her domestic pets are more congenial!

Ken, Tracey and our seven gorgeous, talented grandchildren are doing well. Tracey is still home schooling and they have proven to be good students as well as good people. The boys (except for Damien, the youngest) are all playing guitar and are quite accomplished. Christina plays the piano. Will the other ladies follow?

Chris and Kelly are doing their usual excellent work in the public school arena. The girls (also gorgeous and talented!) are involved in sports and cheerleading. The football team at Kelley’s school is still in the running for the state title and that keeps Kelley and Kirby (freshman cheerleader) busy every weekend.

As for other news, we traveled this fall to Slovenia and Croatia. It was a fascinating (and exhausting) trip. The coastline of these countries is beautiful and unlike anything on the Italian side of the Adriatic. Dubrovnik, Croatia is amazing – a triumph of Roman and Medieval architecture and determination on the part of the Croatians who endured war in the 1990’s. We encourage any and all to travel there if you get an opportunity.

We’re sure we could think of more to say, but we’ll close for now. May 2007 be a wonderful year for you. Your are in our thoughts and prayers.

Christmas 2007: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

To all our friends and family: May the Peace and Joy of Christmas be with you!

This year has been a bit different from our usual active running around. Karen has had two surgeries on her left knee, ending in a total replacement. In January the right one will be replaced. She is very thankful that she isn’t a four-footed creature! We have a rehab facility here at Eagle’s Trace and she will be using it again soon. Pat has been her gopher and chauffeur and is, she claims, much appreciated.

We have been busy in spite of it all. Pat has taught three different courses for the archdiocese and a nearby parish, as well as continuing with preaching and marriage preparation at our old church some 30 miles from Eagle’s Trace. He also facilitates a Bible study group at ET. Karen is on partial leave from the Cenacle Retreat House, but is still seeing a few people for spiritual direction and leading some retreats. She sings in the ET choir and takes part in the poetry group.

We have also taken two trips this year – a wonderful river cruise in Europe on the Rhine and Mosel: from Antwerp, Belgium to Basel, Switzerland – and a trip to Ohio and Massachusetts in October to visit friends and relatives, attend Pat’s 50th class reunion at Kent State, and celebrate the ordination of our good friend, Vic Norton, to the permanent diaconate. Pretty good for an ol’ lady with bad knees and a ol’ guy with a bad back!

The “kids” are doing well. Chris is still an Assistant Principle at Oakridge H.S., Kelly is still teaching math at Klein Oak H.S. Ken has a new position with United Recovery Systems (and a personal contract archiving materials for an architectural firm.) He is also a member of the archdiocesan choir which will perform at the dedication of the new cathedral in Houston. Tracey is still mom, teacher, and miracle worker. Deb is doing well in her branch manager position at McCreeless library in San Antonio. All are happy, healthy (for those at mid-life) and close-by for visiting. Nice for us.

Our nine grandkids are brilliant, talented and good-looking! Ranging from 16 to 3 years of age, they are a delight to spend time with. We are so blessed to live close enough to see them often. Among them are guitarists, pianists, cheerleaders, volleyball players, writers, craft and sewing people, and youth ministers who are also sports fans, doll lovers, and car-guys. Grandchildren are great fun!

We try to keep these annual letters to one page, so it’s time to end this year’s note. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you have a wonderful Christmas and may 2008 be very good to you.

Christmas 2008: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

Do any of us really want to go through another year like 2008? There have been a lot of downs nationally/internationally as well as a few in our own lives. But we have survived and, indeed, in certain instances have thrived as well. We hope this is also true for you.

In late January Karen had her second knee replaced. Although the results of the 2007 version had no complications, the newer one did not follow the same route. She had some painful manipulations done as a follow up. She was able to do extended rehabilitation exercises here at Eagle’s Trace where we live and the results were excellent. We continue to be grateful that we chose to move to this retirement community when we did. It really does have all the medical, recreational and daily dining facilities that we throughly enjoy. Karen is involved in the residential choir, poetry and spirituality events of the community. Pat facilitates a bible study group and is active in the book club. Many enjoyed our Thanksgiving Service which Karen organized and where Pat gave a “homily.”

The usual non-Eagle’s Trace activities continue to keep both of us busy. Karen still leads prayer events at the Cenacle Retreat center, although on a reduced schedule. Pat, a “retired” Permanent Deacon, continues to preach at weekend Masses at our old parish of Christ the Good Shepherd but witnesses fewer weddings. He also teaches classes at the local parish, St. John Vianney.

The high-light of the year was the celebration of our Fiftieth Wedding Anniversary. We renewed our vows at a Liturgy held at the Cenacle and enjoyed the company of many local and Californian friends who were present for the Liturgy and for a party. Tracey was not able to attend, since she was busy with Joseph Xavier Camerino, born six days earlier. He joins his four brothers and three sisters and two cousins to round out our now ten grandchildren. To allow you to be part of our 50th, we are including with our annual Christmas letter, copies of photos taken during the past year. For many of you this may be the first time you’ve seen the younger generations in a long while.

Karen’s new knees and Pat’s health allowed us to take our annual foreign vacation in September (when the markets fell everywhere.) Having pre-paid the trip we were able to enjoy the sunshine of the Italian regions around Lake Como and Tuscany for nineteen days.

As for other “events” … We survived “Ike” at Eagle’s Trace without electricity for only 36 hours. Chris’ and Ken’s families were without power and water for almost two weeks. We no longer can say: ”We like Ike.” We trust that you are as happy as we are that the election campaign is finally over. Although we look forward to the next four years, we know there are many of our friends who do so with some trepidation. Nevertheless, let’s pray that 2009 brings all of us a sense of tranquility and a true appreciation of the Peace on Earth promised to those of Good Will some two thousand years ago!

Karen & Pat
Deb/Cammie
Kelly, Kirby, Chris, Kennedy

Thomas, Christina, Olivia, Dillon, Ken, Victoria, Joseph, Tracey, Jordan, Damien

Christmas 2010: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

It’s hard to believe that our first attempt at an annual letter was in 1963, when we moved from Hanover, New Hampshire to Corvallis, Oregon! However, they did not really become “annual” until 1980, after we had settled in Houston, Texas. For the two of us, it’s been great fun – and very nostalgic – to re-read about what we’ve been up to for almost a half-century! We hope that these years have been as kind to you as they have been to us (disregarding national and international events about wars and the economy!) And so, we continue the series for these past twelve months of our history with the hope, once more, that in all of the future days and months ahead of us there will be peace in our lives and in the world.

Many personal events have not changed. We grow older and perhaps wiser. Karen continues to be part of musical, poetical and spiritual activities here at Eagle’s Trace (ET). She enjoys giving days of prayer and preparing interdenominational services at ET as well as staffing weekends and being a spiritual director at the Cenacle Retreat House. Pat has been “cutting-back” his interactions at Christ the Good Shepherd, our home parish for the past three decades. He has witnessed his last weddings there but still gives homilies at all of the masses at least once a month. To “compensate” he’s preaching more at ET’s interdenominational services and teaching at local parishes, i.e. those less than the hour-long drive to CGS.

Our health continues to be “very good,” by insurance standards. This year Pat celebrated his big 75th with a major party for family and friends. Karen’s knees had no problem negotiating Eastern Europe last spring during several days in Prague, Czech Republic and our cruise of the Danube from Budapest to the Black Sea. (One interesting outcome of the trip is that we have been asked to share our previously videoed trips on the ET in-house television outlet.)

Ken continues as senior technical writer for United Recovery Systems; Tracey as mother of eight and all that goes with that position 24/7. Chris is now an assistant principal at the freshman campus of The Woodlands High School; Kelly is a mathematics teacher at Klein Oaks.

The major new events are: (1) Jordan entering the seminary and taking freshman courses at the University of Dallas and (2) Kirby entering the University of Texas at Austin and taking courses which could lead to an engineering or business degree. Kennedy and Dillon are thinking about next year and their futures. Christina, Thomas, Victoria, Olivia, and Damien are involved in home schooling and church-related events. Joseph Xavier does know how good he has it!

We visit with Deb, still managing a San Antonio library, and Frank Brantley in San Antonio, Houston or Schulenberg, TX (half-way between) as often as mutual schedules will allow.

Last year Karen summarized 2009 in a poem. (It was her turn to write the letter.) This year we’re including another Christmas poem, albeit non-historical. Who knows … perhaps this, too, will become an annual event! Meanwhile I’ll quote last year’s conclusion:
“The Camerinos send our best/ With love and joy and all the rest.”

Holy Night

The angel choir disturbed the silence of the chilly night.
The sky was filled with glorious song as they hovered in their flight.
The shepherds stood in fear and awe, not knowing what to do.
The angels sang of peace on earth and a baby born anew.
“Get up, my friends, and travel now to Bethlehem this night.
Your God has chosen you to see this holy wondrous sight.
The baby will be found among the oxen in a stall,
But be not fooled. He is the savior born to free us all.”

The angel choir dispersed and left the shepherds far below.
They looked at one another – stunned – but did not fear to go.
In stable stall they found the child and knelt in glad surprise.
The mother welcomed them with gentle lovelight in her eyes.
When they told them of the angel choir and the song the angels sang,
They left to tend their flocks again, but in their hearts there rang
The sound of Mary’s voice and the baby’s newborn cry –
As beautiful to them as was the angel song on high.

You never know when angels might intrude upon the night,
So listen and keep watch in preparation for the sight.
If simple shepherds were invited to that holy place,
Might not we too, be summoned to see the Master’s face?

Karen Camerino: Christmas 2010

Christmas 2011: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

The days seem to go by faster as we go by more slowly! It’s called “Retirement” which suggests there should be plenty of opportunity to do whatever we want, whenever we want and for as long (or short) as we want. Yet, there are never enough hours in a normal week to “accomplish” all that we want/think we “should” do. We guess the answer is to recognize it’s not required that we must get done all we want to do. No one has invented a time-stretcher and it’s unlikely one will become available any time soon. So we’re learning to be content. You’d think by now we would have mastered the attitude. We hope we still have enough time left to do it! Maybe you have the same problem and have advice to offer.

Most of the time, prayer and meditation help. We have been able to set aside time for that. And try to assist others in their own attempts … what with the retreats and days of prayer Karen continues to lead at the Cenacle and here at Eagle’s Trace (ET) for the residents. Both of us have directees who seem, at times, to have it more together than we have! There are also the more formal spiritual/ religious activities Pat maintains: monthly homilies at Christ the Good Shepherd and occasional interdenominational services at ET. Karen continues to preside at similar services here. She has also become deeply involved as a docent with the Brookwood Community, a nearby community for adults with functional disabilities. In addition to working and learning facilities for residents and non-residents, Brookwood has a shop for gifts and plants as well as a great restaurant. It was there that our family and closest friends celebrated Karen’s 75th birthday in June. (It was a surprise luncheon … and it worked!)

Our family has extended itself in 2011. Gabriel John prematurely joined his eight siblings in June! The oldest boys, Jordan and Dillon, are attending college classes; the middle ones (Christina, Thomas, Victoria, Olivia and Damien) are still being home-schooled by a very involved Tracey – while Joseph is adapting to not being the youngest in the family. (Ken remains busy with United Recovery Systems.) Deb (Cammie to some) and Frank Brantley are married and continue to reside in San Antonio where she is a library director and he teaches college math. Our other math teacher, Kelly, works with younger students at Klein Oak while Chris remains as an Assistant Principal in The Woodlands. Kirby is a sophomore at UT; Kennedy is an extremely active senior at Klein Oak high school. Everyone is busy and happy.

This year’s annual European vacation for Pat and Karen focused on a cruise of the Elbe River in Germany (including Berlin, Hamburg and small towns along the way). Perhaps the best part was a prelude visit to Poland (Warsaw and Krakow) where Pat’s grand-parents were born; and again to Prague, a favorite of ours.

Once more Karen has a Christmas poem to share. It was originally composed in 1958, yes some 53 years ago! We still miss the snow, but not the shoveling. May you enjoy the actuality and nostalgia of this “Christmas Reverie.”

Christmas Reverie

A year is drawing to a close.
The leaves, crisp and sere, are chased over the frosted walks by bitter winds.
The lamps give off a penetrating light, interrupted occasionally by sheets of ice
Covering the glittering glass globes.
December – month of snow, wind, joy, completion, commencement, Christmas.
A time of worrying over petty things – sizes, colors, kinds, space, food, wine,
Time, guest list, entertainment.
A time of devotion and contemplation about unanswerable questions: Virgin birth,
Miles traveled over endless sands, angels, a newborn child, God’s great love.
A time of joy and childish excitement – red bicycles, Santa Claus, noises in the night,
Reindeer, candy, toys.
A time of pondering and thoughts of eternity and love.
Lovers part with tears, strangers meet – and always, always, Christmas.
I think of all these things with happiness and wonder.
Christmas is not a completion but a commencement – a new year, a new day, a new plane
Of love, a new life.

The wind whips around corners, down alleys, through deserted fields, and rattles now on
My window pane.
Christmas is coming. The night is cool, the moon is full, and my heart is full of love for
Christ and you.
Bells ring, snow falls, people run, carols sing out, carried by the wind.
God smiles. Again the world remembers His son.
Amid the pettiness there is good spirit; in childish glee there is love; in the hearts of
Christians there is reverence.
A part of me wishes it could remain always, always Christmas.

Karen Camerino: 1958, Revised in a land without snow 2011

Christmas 2012: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

We have the same complaint this year as last … the days race by too quickly. It seems as if we just took down the tree for 2011 and here it is: the decorations are in place for 2012. (Admittedly, Texans do get started early. And finish early as well; their trees – live or artificial – usually disappear on December 26th. We’re old-fashioned Northerners and aim for January 6th to pack away the holiday visuals.)

And what keeps us “busy” enough to have the days rush by? The same events as every year! Conversations with friends (and dinners, too); discussions with physicians (the usual routine ones, none new – except Karen is scheduling a shoulder-joint replacement in January to accompany her previously renewed knees); her continuing interactions with directees and prayer groups; Pat’s on-going bible study at Eagle’s Trace and his teaching classes at ET and at local parishes (at least he’s given up preaching at Christ the Good Shepherd and confines himself to less strenuous participation as a deacon there); and both of us attending as few “meetings” as possible in our active retirement community.

We also managed another foreign trip and have the edited results for showing on the ET video channel. In May we relaxed on another river cruise. This time, from Moscow to St. Petersburg … both of which are friendly, interesting cities to visit. We admit that there are few towns to visit during the 1000 mile trip in between; but the trees and tranquility of the Volga do offer their own rewards. Karen finally was able to stand and contemplate her favorite painting: Rembrandt’s “Return of the Prodigal Son” exhibited in the Hermitage, a magnificent site on its own.

Our extended family appears to be as engaged in life as we, ourselves, are. Deb (or Cammie) and Frank Brantley continue their first-year status as newly-weds in San Antonio – she as manager of a SA branch library; he as an instructor of mathematics in a SA college. Ken and Tracey continue work (he as a salaried “senior technical writer” with United Recovery Systems and both as un-salaried parents and/or home-school teachers of Christina, Thomas, Victoria, Olivia, Damien, Joseph and Gabriel.) Jordan attends Blinn College in Bryan, TX and Dillon at Houston’s Lone Star Community College – in preparation for being physical Aggies and not merely spiritual ones. Their cousins are non-Aggies with Kirby in her third year at The University of Texas in Austin and Kennedy in her first year at Texas State University in San Marcos. This would leave Chris and Kelly as “empty nesters;” but with each other and with his work as an Assistant Principle (The Woodlands High School) and hers as a math teacher (Klein Oak High School), this is not a problem for them.

We’re continuing our “new tradition” and Karen’s Christmas poem is included in lieu of a commercial card. And so we conclude, as in letters past, “The Camerinos send our best/ With love and joy and all the rest.” May 2013 be less hectic and more peaceful than the private and public events of 2012.

Epiphany

Night sounds invade my world:
The squeak of the saddle,
The rhythmic ‘plop-plop’ of the camels’ feet,
The chuff of their breathing as they pace on endless sand.
The rocking motion should have brought me sleep,
But on this night sleep does not come.
The star is so close it seems I could reach out and touch it.
Such a star! I have never seen another like it.

The others are awake too.
I sense their awareness, their excitement,
Though none of us has spoken.
We have traveled far, together and apart –
Searching, seeking, following this star.
Suddenly – almost at the same instant – we pause.
The star has paused too.
It hangs in the sky, lighting our way – to what?
Surely not a king.

A stable stands before us,
Lit by the star and by a glow from within.
Silently, we bid the camels to kneel.
Gathering our gifts, we enter, not sure of what we will find.

Amid the animal sounds of sheep and oxen,
A family is seated on the ground.
Mother, father and newborn child lift their eyes to look upon us.
There is no fright, no awe, no annoyance.
It is almost as if we are expected.
I find myself kneeling in the straw –
Heedless of my fine robes or my station.
Wordlessly, I extend the gold I bear,
Sure in my heart that here indeed is the long-awaited king.

Karen Camerino
2012

Christmas 2013: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

Sometimes expectations work out and are fully met; other times they don’t. Last January Karen had orthopedic surgery to replace her right shoulder, with the expectation the final results would be as beneficial as were those for each of her knee replacements in previous years. After surgery and months of diligent rehabilitation under therapists of Eagle’s Trace, she has had no relief from chronic pain and perhaps an even more limited range of motion. So, no, there will be no replacement of the left shoulder; she advises others not to do it either. Meanwhile, she copes well with unfulfilled expectations and has not limited her range of motion for the rest of an on-going, active retirement. Pat without any metallic parts has an easier time getting through airport security. And being of an appropriate age, neither one needs to remove shoes!

So, no, we did not give up our annual trip abroad! This fall we re-visited places we’ve seen before. In previous years we’ve cruised rivers from Amsterdam to the Black Sea, with the exception of a short piece between Vienna and Budapest. This year we filled it in. We again started in Prague and once more greatly enjoyed the sights of Old Town and Castle Hill. We went by motorcoach through the Czech Republic, with a charming stop in Krumlov, to board a Danube cruise ship docking in Vienna, Bratislava (capital of Slovakia), and Budapest, all of which we had visited before. However, we did spend a day in Salzburg, even if we weren’t able to attend a Mozart concert. In Budapest we met up with Ethan Ratliff-Crain, the grandson of Karen’s sister, Tami; he is studying mathematics for his semester abroad.

Our own grandchildren are well and active. Jordan is managing a restaurant in College Station and would like to own one there. Dillon married Carolyn this summer. After he completes his work at Lone Star Community College, he hopes to enter the Police Academy. Home-schooled Christina is thinking about her own college plans; someday Thomas might be a veterinarian. Victoria, Olivia, Damien and Joseph are enjoying the present and are not concerned about future plans, yet. Gabriel, too, is enjoying himself as the pampered youngest one. Kirby is a senior at UT-Austin and exploring future options. (So is Stephen, the guy she’s “dating.”) Kennedy, a sophomore at Texas State, has plans for a nursing career.

Ken and Tracey try to keep up with their nine kids and his home-office work (along with his being in the archdiocesan choir). Christopher and Kelly have a bit more freedom with Kirby and Kennedy out of the house, but seem to have gathered increased work with their students as replacements. Deb (Cammie) still enjoys her work with the San Antonio library system. She and Frank remain living in the “country” (Elmendorf, TX) while he teaches mathematics at Northwest Vista, a community college in San Antonio.

Karen continues offering days of prayer at Eagle’s Trace (ET) and elsewhere, when she is not involved with the Brookwood Community, a resident-campus for challenged adults. If there is a need for an ET holiday service, e.g. Thanksgiving, she is the one who plans it and contributes to its content. Sometimes she gets Pat’s participation as well, although he devotes most of his ET community efforts to coordinating an interdenominational Bible Study and adult education for Catholics. There are about 20 participants in each group and, at this age, they love to discuss and share lifetimes of “wisdom” on just about everything.

It seems we remain as involved as ever in community and with friends and relatives. We still have great expectations, many of which are fulfilled beyond anything we could have envisioned. We send you similar wishes for 2013 and 2014 – may your desires be fulfilled beyond the expectations you envision.

Oh Christmas Tree

Remember ‘real’ trees? Sure you do – the kind that smells so wonderful when you come into the house from outdoors – the pine or spruce or fir trees that we grew up with. Now most folks have artificial trees – even those of us who aren’t tree huggers – and here’s why.

  • Real trees usually look much better on the hillside or in the tree lot than they do when you get them home.
  • The trunk of any given tree doesn’t fit easily through the ring in your tree stand.
  • After forcing the tree into the stand, you discover the tree isn’t straight, so you take it back out and saw off an inch or two.
  • When you once again have the tree in the stand, you find that the knots in the trunk perfectly match up with the tightening screws in the stand, making it almost impossible to tighten the screws.
  • When you finally get the tree into the house and place it in the best spot, you discover there is a bare place in the branches, so you find a wall or corner to use instead.
  • Occasionally you find that the tree is two feet taller than your ceiling! Drat! Back to the patio you go! Where did you put that saw?
  • By this time, you know the tree still isn’t straight, so you find a book to stick under one corner of the stand to balance it out, making sure it isn’t tilted so much that the water will spill out of the container.
  • Oh yes, the water! Usually the branches are so low or the packages so high that watering the tree becomes an endless struggle. Sometimes the result is a dry tree or wet presents.
  • In Texas we have ThanksChristmas. The tree goes up as soon as the Thanksgiving turkey leftovers are brought to the kitchen. With a live tree that means a month of watering and anxiety. Sometimes the needles start to drop around December 15. Charlie Brown would love the tree by Christmas!
  • Also in Texas, the tree comes down by December 26. I haven’t seen a tree at the curb on the 25th, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see one there.

We have an artificial tree. We like our artificial tree. I know, I know, it doesn’t smell as nice.

Only God can make a ‘real’ tree, but remember – He leaves them in the forest!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Karen
2013

Christmas 2014: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

It is good to reflect once a year on the joys and un-joys of the past twelve months. The world events of prior years have been replaced by new ones: no longer Bosnia and Y2K, but rather Crimea, Ukraine, ISIS, and Ebola! Yet the personal joys of family continue to outweigh the secular crises surrounding us. Once more, in this season’s faith, we will survive and prosper.

Our year began with an interesting event: in January, at the annual Clergy Night dinner, Pat received an award from the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston in recognition of his devotion to vocations as a Permanent Deacon. (In February he celebrated the 30th anniversary of his ordination.) The year “ended” with another award for him: the Centennial Award from Kent State University’s College of EHHS for his career in Education, Health, and Human Services, which is presented to alumni who graduated over 50 years ago. (Two years ago the award was given to one of his Delta Upsilon fraternity brothers: Lou Holtz.) This presentation prompted us to visit KSU, Niles, Sandusky (and Pittsburgh!) in October to see friends, relatives and fall foliage.

We did not engage in any foreign travel this year … given our growing discomfort with long flights and European political concerns. Karen’s chronic pains with her shoulder joints (one of which was replaced a year ago) also add to our decreased travel schedule. The replaced knees are fine, except for security scans!

We continue to cut back our previous commitments to Christ the Good Shepherd, where Pat is “semi-retired but still active”, to the Cenacle Retreat House, where Karen is also “semi-retired but still active,” and to Eagle’s Trace where we are both “semi-retired but still active” in bible study, instruction, preaching, praying, and singing.

The next generation is not “semi-retired” but very active in the continuation of what they have been doing in previous years: Debbie as branch manager of a library in San Antonio, Frank as a math instructor in an SA community college; Ken (with United Recovery Systems) and Tracey with still-at-home Christina (in junior college), Thomas, Victoria, Olivia, Damien, Joseph (all in home-schooling) and Gabriel, the youngest. Chris continues as an assistant principle at The Woodlands’ ninth grade campus and Kelly is a math teacher at Klein Oak High School.

The latest generation is undertaking their new beginnings. Jordan, recently engaged to Samantha Gatlin, is a manager with Pioneer Grill and Saloon in College Station and continues to perform his gigs locally. Dillon is with the Harris County Public Health and Environmental Services and Carolyn is a groomer with Willow Creek Ranch in Tomball. Kirby, a recent UT-Austin graduate and a marketing coordinator with LGI Homes, will be married to Stephen Whitworth on 3/14/15 (pi day!) Kennedy is continuing her studies for pediatric nursing.

We continue to enjoy what we do and when we do it! Formal retirement is to our liking. We maintain it is much like our lives before; except now we can say “no” and not feel guilty. All we need to do is say “no” more often. Our health remains “above average;” our friends seem to offer more “organ recitals” than we do. There is little to complain about; community food may become boring at times, but we did not need to prepare it. And when we listen to winter weather reports from other parts
of the country, we believe that Houston may be as good as it can get … except for the color of the leaves in autumn.

We wish you peace, tranquility, and good health. May the spirit of this holy season be with you, once more and forever.

Celebration

What do we celebrate when we gather at Christmas?
Is it a tiny baby surrounded by parents, shepherds, creatures and kings?
Is it the opportunity to visit with family and friends?
Is it the joy of opening gifts and in giving them?
Is it the scent of pine and the sight of beautifully decorated homes?
Is it the shiver of excitement while waiting for Santa Claus?
Is it the beauty of midnight mass?
Is it the sound of Christmas carols ringing through the night air?
Is it all of these? None of these?

“And the word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.”
That is my celebration – that God loved us so much that he became one of us.
All of the other reasons to celebrate are still there.
I enjoy each one of them every year, but the Incarnation takes my breath away.
Maranatha. Come, Lord Jesus, come.
It is Christmas once again.

Karen Camerino, 2014

Thanksgiving

When I was a child, I loved these things about Thanksgiving Day:
Driving to Grandma’s – singing all the way
Stuffing myself with turkey, dressing, gravy, mashed potatoes and pie
Running up the hill and down again to the river
Seeing all of my aunts, uncles and cousins
Driving home tired and happy

I love these things about Thanksgiving Day now:
Seeing my children and grandchildren
Remembering all the years gone by
Realizing all the wonderful things God has given me
Having Pat by my side, loving me
Yes, the feast, too

I thank God every day for being relatively pain-free.
I thank God every day for the people who have loved me.
I thank God every day for my faith.
I thank God every day for my friends and wise teachers
.

Yes, in reality, every day is Thanksgiving Day.
Pilgrims and turkey are just an added bonus.

Karen Camerino, 2014

Christmas 2015: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

This year we’ve been hesitant to write our annual Christmas letter. In this season of hope and thoughts of peace, we wonder if either is still available. The thoughts of many are consumed by “IS or ISIS or ISIL or Daesh” depending upon which newsprint or newsvideo you see – to say nothing of our so-called political process. And that process is still a year away from a potential conclusion … “potential conclusion” because whoever is finally nominated and elected will not be acceptable to a lot of Americans and menacing words will still be hurled. The national and international problems of migrating people, justice for all, and security for all will, no doubt, be on-going into the future, or at least until the “end times” finally arrive. Yet, we have to continue to believe that some two thousand years ago, God sent His Son into the world as our Savior. So on this hope and with the celebration of the birth of the Prince of Peace, we once more want to let you know what has happened, over the past year, to us and to those we love.

The year has been filled with magnificent, happy events for our family. There have been two marriages this year: our grand-daughter Kirby (see Chris and Kelly) married Stephen Whitworth on 3/14/15, Great Pi Day (3.1415). Pat joyfully officiated at their wedding. (They invited us to their first Thanksgiving Dinner which the bride prepared and the groom carved.)

Jordan (see Ken and Tracey) married Samantha Gatlin on August 15th, the Feast of the Assumption. [So both grooms should have an easy time remembering the dates!] Jordan now manages a restaurant in College Station: “Swamp Tails” which serves a Cajun menu to Aggies! Kirby and Stephen have begun their careers in business in The Woodlands.

A very significant event was on August 8, 2015, when Brantley Andrew was born to Dillon and Carolyn. Brantley, named for a C&W singer (not his great-uncle), is our first great grandchild. We think it’s wonderful to be great grandparents; however we cannot believe that Ken is a grandfather! Tracy is the best-looking grandmother we’ve seen!

There are still unmarried grand-kids … at least for now! … Christina and Thomas are rapidly approaching that stage; Victoria, Olivia, Damien, Joseph and Gabriel are doting aunts and uncles. We can’t omit Kennedy, who is studying nursing at UTMB … University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston. Christopher and Kelly would now be empty nesters, except her mother, Faye, is living with them.

Deb and Frank Brantley continue to raise dogs and cats on their “farm” in Elmendorf, Tx. She’s still manages a library in the San Antonio system; he continues to teach math in a local community college.

Pat is even more “retired” than previously (at least “officially”). Nevertheless, he enjoys facilitating bible study and other adult religion classes at Eagle’s Trace. Karen has her “day of prayer” events along with “Community of Hope” interactions and choir practice at ET. She is also very involved with tour presentations at Brookwood, a local community for challenged adults. Local trips keep us involved with outside events. Foreign travel, with long flights, has been curtailed due to Karen’s continuing shoulder problems. We’re pleased we had Prague and the Danube in 2012 as our last European trip. Our videos continue to prompt happy memories of all the places visited over the last twenty years.

So in lieu of a foreign vacation this year, we bought a new Honda HRV. It’s red; Pat has lusted after a red car for many decades and finally got one! Karen seems to drive it more frequently than he does. Nothing else is new or worth reporting about.

And so we have again given you, our dear friends, whom we remember and love even if our communication with you is limited, a summary of what has happened in our personal lives during 2015. For us, it has been a “very good year,” as that singer once proclaimed. We wish that the rest of the world could have joined in. We hope, however, that you have had a most acceptable and joy-filled year. Especially in these days of ire, we offer the words of angels: “Peace on Earth to Those of Good Will.”

Build a Manger

Help me to build a manger in my heart, O God,
To hold your child this Christmas.
It need not be a fancy bed.
In truth, no bed, however rich, could deserve your son.

Help me to build a manger, simple and warm –
A bed to hold and cradle Jesus as he sleeps.
My heart is bound for Bethlehem.
A stable is what I seek –
A place to hold the manger that I bear.

Make of it a dwelling place.
I would welcome Mary and Joseph,
Shepherds and magi,
Angels and stars,
But most of all, I would welcome Jesus.

Help me to build a manger in my heart, O God,
To hold your child this Christmas.

Karen Camerino, 2015

Christmas 2016: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

In a year that has been marked by dissension, negativity, and downright nastiness in our effort to elect a new president, we are more than ready to take a deep breath and turn our minds and hearts toward the Prince of Peace. Families and friends, including ours, have been divided over politics. No matter what side of the political fence you stand on, the need to step back is there. The election is over. The new year will tell us whether or not our choice is a good one. It’s Christmas again. Let us bring love, hope, peace and celebration back into our homes and our lives.

The Camerinos have increased by one more great-grandchild. A beautiful little girl, Claire, was born to Jordan and Samantha on April 1st. She joins Dillon and Carolyn’s bright and happy son, Brantley, who makes all of us smile.

Our granddaughter, Christina, will marry Cristian Araujo on February 11, 2017. We are looking forward to another happy occasion. Ken and Tracey’s other ‘kids’ (Thomas, Victoria, Olivia, Damien and Joseph) are doing well. Some are working, some are concentrating on school. Our youngest grandchild, Gabriel, is receiving good care and lots of love from family. His journey will be a difficult one, but being surrounded by love helps a lot.

Chris and Kelly are continuing in their work in two different school districts – Chris, assistant principal at The Woodlands High School ninth-grade campus, and Kelly teaching math at Klein Oak high school. Kennedy, their younger daughter has just graduated from nursing school and will begin her job at Willowbrook Methodist Hospital soon. Meanwhile, Kirby and Stephen Whitworth began 2016 by spending several months in New York City, leaving Texas behind for a new adventure. They had a wonderful time, but have returned to the Houston area and are waiting to get back into their house. They had leased it when they left for NYC. Kirby has decided to follow in Kelly’s footsteps and work toward accreditation to teach math.

Deb and Frank are doing well in the San Antonio area. She is branch manager of a different library these days and is finding the change very positive. Frank continues to teach math at a local community college. Their menagerie ebbs and flows with time, but the head count is still high. We meet fairly often midway between their place and ours either in LaGrange or Schulenburg – huge metropolises as you can imagine.

Meanwhile the old folks are feeling the occasional pangs of being in our eighties, but for the most part we are in semi-fine fettle. Pat continues to facilitate two courses here at Eagle’s Trace and pitches in from time to time to teach courses at parishes and to preach now and then at our interdenominational service here. Karen is still volunteering at Brookwood (community for functionally disabled adults)
and is prayer lady for The Community of Hope group at Eagle’s Trace. International travel is over for us, but the years of feasting our eyes on Europe and the Holy Land have left us eternally grateful.
Have a blessed Christmas, everyone!

His Father’s Eyes

“He has his father’s eyes”.
Mary smiled to herself as her neighbor left.

“He has his father’s eyes”.
Not Joseph’s eyes as the woman thought – his FATHER’S eyes.

Jesus’ eyes were loving, deep, piercing, and wise beyond his infancy.
Those eyes had welcomed shepherds and captivated magi.

They had won Joseph’s heart as well as her own.
“He has his father’s eyes – God’s eyes”, she thought.

Mary’s eyes met his often through the years.
She saw his love for children
– his forgiveness of sinners
– his compassion for the lost and lonely
– all reflected in those wonderful eyes.

Those eyes embraced his disciples and understood his betrayer.

Finally, Mary looked up into his eyes once more and saw the weariness and pain
– the love he felt for her
– his forgiveness of those who had condemned him
– and his readiness to let his father take him.

“Yes, he has always had his father’s eyes”, she murmured through her tears.

Karen Camerino, 2016

Christmas 2017: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

For the third year in a row we’ve had a reluctance to begin writing our annual summary of the life of the Camerinos. Last year’s events gave us pause … and hope that life in this world might improve and peaceful events would transpire. In previous years there was war in Iraq, the Ebola virus and Crimea (and before that Bosnia and even the Y2K bug) to give us existential concerns. In 1987, the first year for our computerized letters (there are some typed ones in the more distant past), we did not have such international concerns to worry about.

Thirty years ago we opened with Karen’s work for the Family Life Office of the Diocese of Galveston-Houston, with Pat’s administrative position at Baylor College of Medicine and his ministry as a deacon at Christ the Good Shepherd. Deb was a coordinator at the Convention Center in San Antonio, Ken was working in a Houston psychiatric hospital and Christopher was a teaching assistant in Austin!

Now our kids are married; Deb is enjoying being the Branch Manager of a library in San Antonio; Ken continues with his work as a Correspondence Manager with United Recovery Systems; and Christopher has retired from his school administrative position in The Woodlands. Their spouses (Frank, Tracey and Kelly) continue without significant changes in what they do.

Now it’s time for the following generations: Jordan (with Samantha and Claire) lives in College Station; Dillon (with Caroline and Brantley) resides in Houston; Kirby (with Stephen) is now teaching mathematics in a classroom next to her Mom’s; Kennedy is a neurology nurse at Houston Methodist Hospital (Willowbrook); Christina and Cristian Araujo are the new, proud parents of Elijah David; Thomas and Victoria are planning what their post-school futures might hold; Olivia, Damien, Joseph and Gabriel are continuing with home-schooling. This should account for our eleven grand-children and three (current) great-grand-children.

Pat and Karen now have expired passports and no plans for foreign travel (or travail). We have all those vacation videos, which we’re very happy we made, to help renew those fading memories. If only those aches and pains of eight decades would fade as well. We continue to maintain we made the right choice of moving to our retirement community a dozen years ago. Although we live across the road from Barker Reservoir, which poured flood waters on downtown Houston, our apartment building and grounds were not damaged by Harvey. The surrounding community was not as fortunate as you’ve heard and seen in the news. The Cenacle Retreat House was destroyed; Karen has been forced to cut back her interactions with it. After all these years we have transferred our membership from Christ the Good Shepherd in Spring to Epiphany of the Lord in Katy which is much closer to Eagle’s Trace. In our personal lives, what we do has not changed over the past year, but how fast we do it has slowed down.

If only national and international events would do the same: slow down or even cease to be so vexing. We continue to hope and pray that what was once peaceful (civilized) and normal might return. We wish our focus could be as it was in the “eighties” while we remain happy in our own “eighties” – a focus on life and values that bring tranquility and happiness to all people.

We closed with a wish for peace and happiness in our 1987 letter; we once more offer it with renewed hope — for that’s still left in 2017. (Besides, if Houston can be dusted by snow in December, hope remains viable.)

May you have a blessed Christmas.

Silent Night

Silence – stillness – peace.
Waiting – pondering – listening.
These words greet us in Christmas carols.
They speak of an agricultural time, a time of shepherds, camels  
and   journeys by donkey.
At this time of the year, my heart yearns for silence, for stillness.
The air is filled with traffic noise, machinery, “Jingle Bells” and chatter.
Parties, shopping and busyness surround me.
It is difficult to ponder, to listen in stillness.
And yet — deep in my soul there is a quiet place –
A place of starry nights and the bleating of sheep –
A place where the air is filled with a baby’s cry –
A place of soft voices, lullabies, and joy –
A place of peace.
“Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright.”
If I seek the stillness within and if I listen with every part of my being,
There is Christmas.

Karen Camerino, 2017

 

Christmas 2018: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

Once more we would like to begin our Christmas letter on a note of universal hope and peace. Again this is a real challenge. Nevertheless, we do retain a sense of personal hope, peace, and love; perhaps we can do the same on a larger landscape – one in which civility and harmony exist among all peoples of the world. This, after all, is what we really want to celebrate during this holy season: peace on earth to those of good-will. Maybe we can find a host of angels to proclaim it; it’s more doubtful that we would be able to locate three wise-men … or wise-women … to spread the Word. Yet we really do hope!

We now have a fourth great-grandchild, and another on the way. These events certainly give us hope (and joy.) Charlotte Helen was born to Samantha and Jordan in May, to add to the next generational gathering for that month. Brantley, son of Dillon and Carolyn, was the first of that next gen; followed by Claire, Charlie’s older sister; and Elijah, son of Christina and Cristian Araujo. Their parents and grandparents, Ken and Tracey, are surviving well in their expanded roles. Their aunts and uncles (Thomas, Victoria, Olivia, Damien, Joseph and Gabriel) are happy in their roles, too, as well as in all of the schooling and/or work they do both in and out of their home-base.

Christopher has retired from school administration and, to keep busy, has become an insurance claims adjuster for disaster follow-ups with hurricanes Florence (more of a training period) and Michael (a month-long deployment.) Kelly remains as a math teacher, along with their daughter, Kirby, at the same suburban high school. Kennedy, the “other daughter,” has a new position in pediatrics at the Texas Children’s Hospital in the Medical Center.

Over the Christmas holiday, Kirby and Stephen Whitworth will be vacationing in Europe (providing Paris is still available – as well as London and Bruxelles!) Earlier in the year Debbie and Frank had their own vacation in Paris and Venice. For us, our European travels have ended, our passports unrenewed. Foreign journeys will be left to the next generations.

Because of the holiday scheduling for the extended family, we will begin with a Christmas Eve on the 21st with Chris’ family and conclude with St Stephen’s (Boxing Day) with everyone at Ken’s house, since it’s impossible to fit the Camerino-clan into our apartment at Eagle’s Trace, even if our retirement community now exceeds 900 residents. Pat is looking forward to “seeing” our version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, even if his vision will be slightly “wonky.” He had cataract surgery in early December; although he sees quite well far away with his new right eye, the old left one, until mid-January, is useful only for closeups.

During the past year, Pat has continued to be involved with adult religious education both at Eagle’s Trace and Epiphany of the Lord parish. Karen has had to cut back with Cenacle work, since the retreat house and all of its facilities were destroyed by Harvey and physical recovery is not possible; however, she continues with her usual efforts with prayer groups at Eagle’s Trace. Both of us have also found a wonderful, new activity at Eagle’s Trace called “Legacy in Words.” Our group meets twice a month; meanwhile we are writing short essays in the form of “memoirs” to give to the next generations so they know what our life was like in the middle years of the last century!

For us, a major personal event of great joy was the celebration of our 60th wedding anniversary in June. Our three kids gave us a large, fancy jar stuffed with strips of colored-paper, each one bearing a line about memories of their growing up years as they related to us. It was a magnificent gift; the two of us spent a month of breakfasts reading them and recalling our versions of what Deb, Ken and Chris remembered – significant events they recalled but we had forgotten. It was truly the best gift we could have received.

And so it is: the best parts of the years, both the most recent and all those which have gone before, are the memories of family life and the hopes that the days ahead will be as fulfilling for each one of us (and you) as they have been in the past. May you have a blessed Christmas.

Stop, Look and Listen

“Stop, look and listen.” As children we were told to do these three things before crossing the street. I wonder if we do any of them as well today.

Stop. In our busy lives, we barely pause to take a breath, to eat a meal, to gather our thoughts, to ponder.

Look. So many eyes are turned downward to a phone or laptop. We seldom take the time to marvel at the beauty of nature around us or to gaze deeply at the people we love.

Listen. Do we truly listen – to nature – to music – to the person sitting across from us – to the sound of God’s voice?

Christmas is a time to stop, look and listen.

Take a moment to stop, letting life’s turmoil move on without you. Be present in the moment of stillness.

Take a moment to look intently around you, taking in the beauty which is always there but seldom seen.

Take a moment to listen to song, to scripture, to wisdom, to love spoken and shared.

If we take these moments, we will find ourselves quiet and prepared to embrace the wonder of a child, a manger, angels and shepherds, magi and awestruck parents.

Take the time to stop, look and listen to Christmas this year. I hope to do the same.

Karen Camerino, 2018

Christmas 2019: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

We’re not sure why we continue to write an annual Christmas letter. Probably it’s because old habits are difficult to break. We began our series in 1980, three years after we moved to Houston, Texas. That was long before the days of Face Book and electronic communication changes of the last decade. However, our thumbs are not as fast as those of our grandchildren, and so our lives are not as ever-present to others as theirs are. As a result, these holiday letters serve us as a reminder of what has occurred within our (very) extended family. We send these recollections to friends who do not live in Texas and must endure weather that includes a lot of that white stuff, which we miss to a certain extent. However, it is pleasant to experience temperatures in the seventies as we prepare for the holidays.

Once again, we will celebrate the Twelve Days of Christmas, since the younger generations now gather in their own immediate families on December 25th. Our holiday calendar begins with Christmas Eve mass at our former parish of Christ the Good Shepherd, followed by dinner at the home of Chris and Kelly, along with Kirby, Stephen, Kennedy, Grandma Faye and a few of their friends – providing Kirby and Stephen are not visiting some foreign country and Kennedy can leave her work as a nurse at Texas Children’s Hospital. Yes, granddaughter Kirby appears to have our wanderlust genes and has seen places we once enjoyed, personally. Rumor has it that this gene may merely have been temporarily unexpressed in Chris who has plans to go with Kelly to Europe in 2020. He has done some traveling, mainly on his own, because of his work as an Insurance adjuster deployed to weather disasters areas in the Southeast.

We will celebrate Christmas Day at Eagle’s Trace with our friends and fellow residents. For the past year Pat has continued to be involved with religious adult education and Karen with prayer services in the community. In matters of health (or as a friend has said: instances of “organ recitals”) we have survived another octogenarian year. Pat is pleased with the results of his cataract surgery; Karen still grimaces with shoulder pain but her metallic knees continue to move her about quite rapidly.

Call it “Boxing Day” or the Feast of Stephen, we will be celebrating it with everyone who can make it to Oriental Garden for a traditional Chinese dinner, followed by a gathering at the home of Ken and Tracey. Once again, they have become grandparents during 2019. Christina and Cristian Araujo’s Elijah was joined by Lila Rose on March 23rd, twenty years after her aunt Victoria joined the family. Victoria and Olivia remain at home, completing school and working at jobs; Damien and Joseph merely work at school; Gabriel joins them and continues to do well, despite his genetic challenges. Jordan and Samantha, along with daughters Claire and Charlotte, reside in College Station, where he is a plumber. Dillon and Carolyn have moved to another home with their son Brantley, since Dillon is an assistant manager at a nearby restaurant. And not to be forgotten, Thomas has his own apartment and is with Peli Peli, another great restaurant in Houston.

In January we will be gathering with Deb and Frank Brantley (and available relatives) at Brookwood Restaurant near Houston. We usually meet our daughter and son-in-law somewhere between Houston and San Antonio, but they decided it would be nice if they drove the extra miles for this annual gathering. It will be a magnificent way to complete our extended Christmas-New Year’s-Epiphany Twelve Day celebrations.

Although the formal holiday celebrations end in January 2020, we hope and pray that the days which follow will also contain their own share of happiness. We once looked forward to the new millennium that started in 2000. It’s hard to believe twenty years have passed and we are beginning the third decade of the third millennium since the birth of Christ. May we someday find the true Peace which began ‘way back then!

Advent

Advent marks the end of the calendar year and, for many, the beginning of the church year.
The word comes from the Latin and means “to come to” or “coming.”
Advent is a season of waiting and anticipation.

For what do we wait? For whom do we wait?
Children wait for Santa, candy and sweets, presents under the tree.

Some of us wait for time off to relax from the day-to-day grind.
Some of us wait for sales, shopping, and gift-giving.
Some of us wait for family celebrations, reunions and a chance to gather for a feast.
Some of us wait for crisp weather, decorated homes, and Christmas trees.
Some of us wait for carol singing, church services, and shared communion.
Some of us wait for the birth of a child in Bethlehem, born again to us each Christmas after 2000 years
Some of us wait for the second coming of Christ and the end of time as we know it.

Some of us wait for peace on earth and good will toward all in the midst of a world caught up in misunderstanding and division
Some of us wait for a Merry Christmas – others for a holy Christmas.

For what do you wait? For whom do you wait?

Whatever this season of waiting means to you, may you be blessed and may all of your wishes come true.

Karen Camerino, 2019

Christmas 2020: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends,

In January of this year we were looking forward to one with perfect twenty-twenty vision! Ha! Little did anyone expect that this disastrous year is one that no one wants to remember, since it has been replete with illness and with climatic, economic, political, and social misfortunes we all want to go away.

For us, the blessings have been few, by the usual secular measuring rods. Yet, we continue to be grateful for those which have appeared. Our personal health has continued, thanks to the efforts of Eagle’s Trace, the retirement community which has protected all of us who have accepted isolation, social distancing, mask wearing, and hand-washing as a way of life. Of the 950 residents living in our own apartments, only a half-dozen have tested positive for THAT virus! Our gatherings were eliminated for many months; they are returning with restricted numbers. Masked highschool students who could no longer serve in our dining rooms, which had been closed, delivered meals to our doors. Staff even delivered the mail to our doors! The ET medical service also gave us our flu-shots in our apartments; they will be coming with other vaccines when they are made available to our “at risk” demographics. All-in-all we have survived Covid-19 better than many.

Ken’s family was not as fortunate. All those still living at home tested positive back in March. They have recovered. Ken is lucky enough to be able to work from home. The younger kids have continued home-schooling, with Tracey, as they have for many years. The older ones have had reduced hours of work but are still employed; they also have found supplemental ways to earn funds. (The boys inherited their repair/building skills from their father, rather than their grandfather!)

Kelly has joined Chris in retirement from teaching; she will now be able to accompany him, on occasion, when he takes their mobile home on the road for his part-time position making insurance adjustments, following the storms experienced in the South during the summer and fall. Kirby has moved to Atlanta with Stephen, whose company transferred him there from the Houston office. Kennedy, who had been a nurse at Texas Children’s hospital, has become a traveling nurse in Oklahoma! Everyone else remains in Texas!

There is a new great-grandson, Shiloh, who was born prematurely on his father’s birthday in February. We now have six great-grandchildren joining our eleven grandchildren and three “kids,” and their spouses. We don’t get to see them often enough, due to our varying degrees of quarantine. It’s almost like living in different states. However, we have been able to meet with Deb and Frank at restaurants, with restricted quotas, that are located between San Antonio and Houston.

Given the restrictions here at ET, we have set-aside our usual participation in ministry and pleasurable-social events. Pat has taken time to learn how to “blog.” He’s in the processing of transferring material written for our memoir group to a new electronic site: CameosAndCarousels.com, in case you might be interested in reading what he’s done.

Once more, Karen has created a poem to accompany this Christmas summary. This recollection includes another view of this strange year: 2020. We do have hopes and prayers that 2021 will be vastly better. May there not be a Covid-20! Instead, we pray that the “Peace on Earth to those of Good-will,” sung by those angels over two-thousand years ago, may be with us in the months ahead.
Have a blessed Christmas, everyone!

A Different Kind of Christmas

Stores are nearly empty and Christmas music sounds hollow.
Masks hide the smiles on every face.
Fist and elbow bumps replace hugs.
We hesitate to go to church.
We order gifts online or over the phone.
There are no holiday parties.
Families don’t gather for meals or celebration.
20/20 is here, but where is Christmas?

For believers, Christmas is more than family, gifts and Santa.
There is an abundance of time for prayer this year.

Isaiah and Matthew and Luke tell the story –
The timeless story of God-with-us.
An angel, a young woman’s ‘yes’, a dream, a marriage,
A visit to an older cousin, a leap of recognition,
A journey to Bethlehem, a birth in a stable,
A chorus of angels, and homage by shepherds and magi.

Christmas is here – in the story.

It is also a part of us, whatever the celebration or lack of one.

It is 20/20.

“God bless us every one.”

Karen Camerino, 2020

Christmas 2021: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

The calendar claims it’s that time of the year for us to compose our annual Christmas Letter, if we’re going to continue our tradition which began 41 years ago when we moved to Texas. (Actually, there are a few more, dating back to 1963 and Corvallis, Oregon … but there were breaks during the Bethesda, MD and Amherst, MA years.) Part of our reluctance in writing this year is that Houston has had temperatures in the 80s for the last, several weeks! Our climate is certainly not conducive to holiday reflections, even if the TV commercials strongly suggest otherwise. However, the weather-folks tell us to expect a roller-coaster – with a few days in the cool 60s before returning to mid-summer.

Further reluctance for writing a holiday letter is due to the world … hardly the time to consider the peace on earth promised by a gathering of angels some two millennia, ago. What we see streaming on “social” media is not conducive to thoughts of peace! Yet there is hope that our secular roller-coaster will have more ups than downs, even if that may not physically be possible! One can only hope that the “downs” are neither deep nor in rapid succession. We’ve survived others over the last century; we pray we will, once more.

Our personal “success” continues a pace, or at least our personal life does. Our health remains relatively constant. Karen still has her shoulder aches and pains while Pat has recently developed his own knee and leg reminders of aging. (It’s debatable whether his renewed use of the exercise equipment provided by Eagle’s Trace has been more of a help or hindrance in attempts to counter some aspects of that ageing process. Karen has a peddle machine stashed under her desk for her own attempts.)

These Covid-19 days have also had mixed results for us. We have been triply shot, as have almost all of our 900 residents, so that we no longer are required to mask as we gather for meals and fellowship. We are still encouraged to engage in social-distancing and masking while outside our retirement community. On the other hand, our staff at Eagle’s Trace Living Community has made the past months very acceptable, even when Houston did have snow and freezing weather for the month of February. (Who would maintain our Gulf Coast weather is consistent!?)

Although the medical situation of the coronavirus, regardless of which Greek letter is used!, has improved, we have not readily returned to as active a schedule as we once followed for our retirement living. However, Karen has continued to be a member of a well-rehearsed singing group that has been well-received at ET. Pat has renewed his focus on writing for his on-line blog: CameosAndCarousels.com. We continue to enjoy following the lives of our children and our children’s children, as we rejoice in seeing the actions of our great-grandchildren that bring back fond memories of prior generations.

This, we know, is really what the Christmas season is all about … young children and old memories. As our own three “kids” and their spouses participate in their own retirement years; as the next generation matures into lives initiated by our “kids,” and as the youngest ones laugh and grow throughout their own childhood, we “originals” hope, pray, and rejoice about everything that really matters.

Perhaps we should stop “streaming the news” and recall the news proclaimed by those angels: “Peace on Earth to Those of Good-Will.” We need to remember that the Peace they promised was to those of Good-Will, those who trusted in the coming of the Christ-child, those who trust that He will come again – with a joy-filled Advent and Christmas! Yes, that’s the real gift we want this year: trust in one another, trust that our nation will survive, trust that Christ will come, again!

Christmas 2021

Christmas comes for hearts and minds in its many forms and kinds –

Hanging on our festive doors and bustling through department stores.

We do take the time to pray and we do so every day,

But gifts and cards sometimes invade the quiet space that we have made.

In this card we wish you well. We love you more than rhymes can tell.

You are in our thoughts today and so we take the time to say:

COVID scares have passed us by though we’re not so young and spry.

All the ‘kids’ and grandkids thrive and six great-grandkids are alive

With another on the way. What a picture-perfect day

When all of us can join in fun – to laugh and see and hug each one.

No more for now. Our wish for you is that good things will come anew –

That twenty-two will bring us peace, that all hostility will cease,

That Christmas blessings will abound and happiness will soon be found.

The Camerinos send our best with love and joy and all the rest.

                   
                                                                 

Christmas 2022: Eagle’s Trace, Houston, TX

Dear Friends:

We could send a copy of last year’s letter without too many changes, since the current one would have the same information about our life at Eagle’s Trace Senior Living Community in Houston Texas, our seventeenth Holiday here. There is, however, a very valid reason for an updated version. On December 9, Karen had her right hip replaced at Memorial City Hospital and, on the following Tuesday, was transferred to Bayou Vista, the skilled nursing-rehabilitation facility at Eagle’s Trace, to continue her follow-up process. We are not sure when she will be able to return to our apartment in Pecan Grove, one of the current six private apartment buildings at ET. We are hoping that the event will occur before Christmas Day!

When she had both knees and a right shoulder replaced (at different times!) years ago, her body was not that of an octogenarian. So, if you plan to have surgery, do it when you’re younger! As a result of Karen’s continuing therapy, Pat has learned how to use the dishwasher, washing machine and dryer! However, it appears that gift-shopping, which has also been Karen’s personal bailiwick, will not be done this year, so kids, grandchildren and great grandchildren will need to depend on a more active Santa Claus – just how old is he, anyway, and how does he keep driving that sleigh?!

A year ago, the temperature along the Gulf Coast was in the high eighties. It happened again, this year. This week it will be in the fifties and, according to some, will be the forties on Christmas Day. Given that Chris and Kelly, being retired from high school education, have moved to Gadsden, Alabama, while Kennedy resides in Atlanta and Kirby & Stephen now live in San Francisco, different climates will be experienced by several members of the clan.

More important, our clan has expanded. Kipton Royce was born in San Francisco on July 19. His older cousin, Liam James, arrived on March 28, the same birthday for his father, Cristian Araujo! Weddings this year include Thomas with Michelle Areli on April 1 in Cancun, and Victoria with Ismail Sanchez on March 19 in Houston. (Ken, who now works for HPE, and Tracey currently have 21 direct descendants!) Dillon and Carolyn (with Brantley and Shiloh) are in the planning stage for a move to Tennessee early next year. It appears that the Camerino family will soon be known nationwide!

On the other hand, the traveling days for Pat and Karen have been greatly limited. The extent of our trips includes meeting Deb and Frank halfway between Houston and San Antonio. (Deb has retired from her management position with the SA library system but continues to volunteer with her local one and to be employed part-time with Palo Alto Community College.

Fortunately, we have fond memories of places throughout the U.S. where we have lived, and Europe where we have vacationed. Photos and videos are great assists to our memories, but we would prefer to see California, Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee in person rather than as virtual reality.

Karen continues to enjoy her participation with the ET chorus; Pat with writing for his blog: CameosAndCarousels.com. It’s good to slow down and relax with TV, so long as we avoid the news, an unlikely event unfortunately. We continue to be disturbed by events in Ukraine and other parts of the world. We continue to pray for peace but may need to be content with personal tranquility in lieu of a global one. We have received all four COVID injections and the one for flu, so there is hope that all we will need to contend with is Karen’s hip rehabilitation. Gone are the days when we were all “hippies” – in spirit if not in reality.

Holy Night

The angel choir disturbed the silence of the chilly night.
The sky was filled with glorious song as they hovered in their flight.
The shepherds stood in fear and awe, not knowing what to do.
The angels sang of peace on earth and a baby born anew.
“Get up, my friends, and travel now to Bethlehem this night.
Your God has chosen you to see this holy wondrous sight.
The baby will be found among the oxen in a stall,
But be not fooled. He is the savior born to free us all.”

The angel choir dispersed and left the shepherds far below.
They looked at one another – stunned – but did not fear to go.
In stable stall they found the child and knelt in glad surprise.
The mother welcomed them with gentle lovelight in her eyes.
When they told them of the angel choir and the song the angels sang,
They left to tend their flocks again, but in their hearts there rang
The sound of Mary’s voice and the baby’s newborn cry –
As beautiful to them as was the angel song on high.

You never know when angels might intrude upon the night,
So listen and keep watch in preparation for the sight.
If simple shepherds were invited to that holy place,
Might not we too, be summoned to see the Master’s face?

                            Karen Camerino
                            Christmas 2010

Reissued Christmas 2022

United Kingdom: London

Our daughter Debbie, a theater major at Syracuse University, had spent her junior-year-abroad in London, with side-visits to France, Italy and Sweden. Ken, our son, with a major in psychology at Texas A&M, had followed the path of Dr. Freud, with several weeks in Vienna and Germany, for his own European experience. Even our luggage had made it to Hawaii with friends! It was now time for Karen and me to begin our own overseas sight-seeing. We decided to celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary by using Brit-rail passes for a fortnight in England, Wales and Scotland. On October 1, 1983, we flew from Houston Intercontinental to London’s Gatwick to begin the first of our many European excursions over the next thirty years.

Without a direct reference to photographs, videos and written notes, our visits to the United Kingdom merge into a single experience. Rather than comment on them as three, separate journeys, I’ve chosen to blend them together, resulting in a single impression of a town we may have seen more than once.

Our initial exposure included visits to London, Canterbury, Penzance, Oxford, Bath, Wells, Cardiff (Wales), Lancaster and York, as well as Inverness and Edinburgh in Scotland. Our second journey replicated much of the first: London, Bath, Glastonbury, Windermere, Lancaster, Edinburgh, York, and Canterbury. Our third Brit-rail passage included Brighton, Eastbourne, Winchester, Bath, Salisbury, Swansea, Gloucester, Chester, Caernarfon, Buxton, York, Fountain’s Abbey, Castle Howard and Windsor. This third tour had more day-trips than the earlier two. Evidently we became more accustomed to the use of coaches or short train trips from a central town to whatever could be readily seen in a day. In fact, at the completion of our third trip, we stayed in a hotel at Gatwick, used the left-luggage facility at Victoria Station, and made a day-trip to Windsor; we escaped, entirely, being a City-tourist that year.

Since I have joined several visits into one tour of England, Wales, and Scotland, it’s appropriate, indeed, for this reflection to be designated as “United Kingdom.” However, as most visitors will attest, it all began with our arrival at Gatwick.

We easily passed through customs at Gatwick, while observing other, less fortunate tourists being detained for a public viewing of the contents of their luggage, a condition originating decades before the terrorism of the twenty-first century made such searches mandatory. Perhaps we looked more like middle-class English than many of our fellow travelers did. Over the next two weeks, this conclusion was confirmed each time we were asked for assistance by other Americans who seemed to believe we were locals who knew how to help them find their way to a new destination.

My first observations of England were made through the windows of our train on the way from Gatwick to Victoria Station. They began with the number and complexity of all of the chimney pots poking like miniature towers from each rooftop along the track. Their smoke-trails showed the location of every warm room in the autumnal countryside. The immensity of Victoria Station, itself, and its crowds flowing in conflicting currents were quickly replaced by the sight of fleets of classical, black-box taxis transporting everyone who entered or left the station. We also discovered the importance of grabbing the first available trolley to tote our possessions between the arrival platform and the distant site for cab departures.

In some mysterious manner, we arrived at the Royal Horseguard Hotel in Whitehall. From the blurry-pane window of our tiny room I had my first sighting of an image seen consistently throughout every city in England – as well as in all of Europe, as I learned in the years to come. There were statues carved on the facade of every surrounding building – males and females, semi-clad with flowing cloth made of stone.

Given that the room, itself, was only large enough to hold a double bed, a writing desk and a single, straight-back chair, we spent little time within it before taking off on a brisk walk to Westminster, Parliament and Big Ben – where we saw our first, but not last, scaffold-encased site. It seemed this was England’s year for re-surfacing every building that was more than 500 years old, of which there were quite a few throughout the Island. We later learned that this renovation occurred routinely every year – or at least, during every visit we made. Soot-blackened walls of castles and cathedrals became white, once again, under the ministrations of fleets of acrobatic laborers performing high over head.

We arrived at Westminster Abbey with its lofty façade of rows of saints upon saints standing guard above its triple-door entrance. At their center, stood a Madonna and Child to lead them and to welcome arriving pilgrims or tourists. I wondered how many visitors belonged to these two groups; how many pilgrims were actually mere tourists out to see the wonders rather than to experience any of the event’s spirituality. I, myself, was both.

As we entered the Abbey, I was fascinated with its history as well as its tombs and monuments to kings, statesmen, saints, and even scientists. Somehow it seemed inconsistent to bury Darwin within an Abbey next to some medieval saint, but evidently not to the English. I quickly became overwhelmed with all of it – like a boy in a fancy candy-shop. Too much to see, to absorb, to believe. It was difficult to accept that beneath those stones lay the dust of Edward I and his heirs – kings I had read about during the last few years as part of my newly established interest in the history of the Middle Ages.

Reality and history merged in strange ways. Slowly, I believed real people, not actors, once walked these aisles, knelt here, prayed here for over a thousand years – here at Westminster, and at all of the other cathedrals and churches we would visit during the next two weeks. These religious sites were more than mere locations for buildings. They were the homes of living Brits as well – people who added living-drama to the castles and cathedrals we saw.

On our rapid walk along London’s Embankment from our hotel to a tiny, nearby shop selling pastry and coffee for an early breakfast, we passed the entrances to tube stations where bed-rolls awaited their night-time occupants. The English did come in all the usual shapes and conditions of people everywhere. Many of them were easy to encounter individually, although few would start the conversation. We uncovered the lives of some interesting people, if we, ourselves, initiated the interaction. For instance, there was the lady at Paddington Station with her Wellingtons and anorak for tramping Dartmoor and asking us what to pack for her forthcoming visit to Denver and San Antonio in late October.

London, itself, is a kaleidoscope of images; its colors shifting with every twist in the roads over which we walked. Horse-drawn carriages interdigitated with long black cabs and red double-decker buses. Black and gold gated Buckingham Palace, with bushy-hatted guards at their posts in front of small houses – did they use them when it rained? Lion and Unicorn guardians everywhere. In front of the Palace, a towering monument that includes a victorious Victoria regally seated beneath a golden, angelic Victory about to take off into the cloudy skies above the circling traffic and rushing pedestrians. A stroll along Pall Mall, past residents for minor royals, all protected by black, iron gates and thick, green hedges. Views of Old London beyond the Lake, with its own left-over, towered palaces. A surprising statue of Abraham Lincoln poses solemnly nearby. And back to Westminster Abbey and its neighbor, St. Margaret’s Church with its sundial mounted on the side-wall to yield its own unique method for displaying the hours when the sun is shining, occasionally, over London. And almost everywhere along the pedestrian hike there are marble window boxes with classic figures carved along their sides, holding flowers of every bright color and ferns in various stages of greenery.

Of course there are also the usual sites every tourist believes must be visited. The Tower of London with its walls and grounds showing both relics and restorations; edifices crumbling or reconstructed to last another thousand years. London Bridge with its crossbar connection high over head. Old Bailey with stones, white from recent cleaning or remaining darkened by smoke; still surrounded by the words of lawyers, ancient and modern. And for my own, personal reflection, the nearby Templar Church with its round chapel and the visions it recalls of knights of long ago.

Did I really twist my knee while climbing the ramp and stairs to enter the British Museum? Did I really ignore the pain as I stood in front of the Elgin marbles, which Greece continues to demand be restored to their rightful owners. Who is there who wishes to reclaim the Rosetta stone?

To cross the bridge over the River Thames and see the views along its banks. I am content with Big Ben and the House of Parliament. I really have no desire to see a Ferris Wheel besmirch the view I saw almost four decades ago. And to end the day with a quick stop at Covent Gardens, which cannot be replaced by any modern, glass-domed shopping mall. Where else would you have a bite to eat while watching a Punch-and-Judy show, or teens with purple and green hair?

The only thing we found uninteresting in London, and throughout the rest of Great Britain, was the food. English cuisine was not among the country’s contributions to society, although stuffed “pasties” in Cornwall, and fish and chips in any quaint eatery, were acceptable fare. On the other hand, I wondered who invented “mushy peas!” Perhaps this is why, in London, we ate dinner twice in the same restaurant, an unlikely Topo Gigio. An Italian Mickey Mouse served a delicious meal in comparison with most restaurants. On the other hand, pubs and tearooms were very good for snacks throughout the day. An even better treat were Double Decker bars or Cadbury chocolates purchased for 14p or 26p at any newsstand in every village, town, or city.

U.K.: The Wild and Cultured West:

After several days in London, we made our way by train to Cornwall and a day-visit to St Michael’s Mount, the English equivalent of Mont-Saint-Michel on the French side of the Channel. The hike across the drained shore and up the miniature mountain along cobbled lanes was exhilarating as was the coastal panorama spread around us.

For our return to Penzance, the town for our center-stay in Cornwall, I tried to use a red-booth pay-phone in a village on the mainland to summon a taxi. I had never placed a call from one of them, but expected it should act much like our AT&T version back in the states. This one, however, would not accept any of my strange English coins and provide a welcoming dial-tone. Exasperated, I finally learned from the lady who ran the nearby chemist’s shop that the box was too full to accept more coins and, therefore, was not usable. She directed us to her neighbor who ran a combination taxi company and funeral home; the proprietor would be able to drive us back to Penzance in one of their conveyances.

That evening in the company of our Cornish host at the bed-and-breakfast where we were staying, we met a man from Glasgow and a woman from Kent; we all agreed we spoke the same approximate language. Earlier in the evening I had also discovered that “whitebait” fish have more bones than flesh.

The next day, I found our excursion to Oxford was a disappointing one. I was not able to take photographs of the colleges making up the University, since the day of our visit was the opening day for the new term and the quads were closed to mere tourists. Nevertheless, the streets held an unbelievable fascination; there I could walk the lanes and peer through archways that had protected scholars for half a millennium.

The town of Bath was a picturesque version of life in England, at least for an Anglophile tourist. We stayed at Pratts Hotel a block from the train station, although we had not realized this was its location when we had disembarked the train and had hailed a taxi to take us there. The cab-driver had seen no reason to enlighten us before depositing us two minutes after we had entered his vehicle. On subsequent visits to Bath, we walked to Pratts from the train.

Pratts Hotel had a major advantage due its central location on Parade Street, which was more like a plaza than a street. The living rooms were filled with Edwardian furniture in magnificent arrays of shabbiness. The bedroom we occupied was the largest we found during our two weeks in the UK. The cost was only 90 £ per night for the two of us. Unfortunately, for Karen, the bed we shared was also the hardest. She found that pillows piled inside our bathtub made a more comfortable place for sleeping. Not many other people can claim to have slept in a bathtub in Bath!

Bath is, indeed, a pleasant place for walking. Row after row of Georgian townhouses, all looking like identical relatives. They are not the residences for over-imbibers walking home late at night. Basement flats with gardens sunken. The sound of pipe organs, new but in need of tuning – more noise than music. How could Handel compose anything for the likes of this? It takes an act of faith. Clouds and bright blue skies, never certain how the day ends based upon its beginnings. Quiet Henrietta Park providing a respite in a day of walking. A maze not a labyrinth – depending upon opinions – seen along the shore. Young lovers and elderly ones, too – taking the airs in the park on a late summer’s day in Bath. Pultney Bridge crosses the Avon; does it pretend to be one crossing the Arno?

Our time machine traveled further – back to Roman Aqua Solis, to a time of caldera, tepidaria and frigidaria. Roman sights and smells – the turbid gas-bubbling waters smell sulfur-green, a bit humid and moss-covered, but what do you expect after two thousand years or so of bathing? Of course after our visit to another era, we had tea in the current period. Who can visit Bath and not have a “cuppa” and cake in the Pump Room? There is also Sally Lund’s for a more intimate version. The biscuits are exquisite, with plenty of butter and jam, but bland sausages are another matter. Jimmy Dean, please won’t you come to England, even if you don’t come home.

Not far from the Roman Baths another era is readily accessible. Bath Abbey with its ladders, one on each side of the huge widowed façade, with angels climbing up or down; it’s difficult to tell which direction they take, ascending or descending. The baptismal font inside the abbey has a large, domed cover suspended by a chain from the ceiling. It’s a puzzle how it is opened when in use. This receptacle for ritualistic bathing is countered outside the Abbey by a nearby Washerwoman who pours her water into an open basin for her daily labor. A mime stands close at hand, pretending to be another statue, with flowing drapery caught by the wind. Does he pay you if you can make him smile or, better yet, laugh? It’s always the other way ‘round; the photographer is expected to drop a coin at the statue’s feet. Occasionally, you might get a slight bow in return.

We made it to the Circus, with its adjoining townhouses, fronted by black-fenced subterranean apartments. The Royal Crescent with its matching apartments was equally austere. We also found a local Laundromat where Karen washed the clothing we had crammed into our two, overly large suitcases, the size of which decreased on later visits to England with its trains equipped for overhead storage of luggage.

One evening in the Edwardian Restaurant in Bath, we spent a pleasant hour talking with an Irishman from a neighboring village who had a son at Downside Abbey and who now traveled the world while undergoing a separation from his wife. Yes, we could learn a lot about the English, if we were the ones to say “hello” to a stranger.

During these visits, I was not sure what places or peoples I felt more in tune with – the Romans of Aqua Solis, the kings and pilgrims of Canterbury along with individuals such as Thomas a’ Becket of Canterbury or Professor Grosseteste of Oxford – or the everyday English men and women who were very friendly and open when given the opportunity.

The following day, we had the courage to take a motor-coach from Bath to Wells. We quickly learned that a “bus” was confined to travel within a city, and a “coach” was the vehicle for public transportation between towns and cities. We also learned about English patience: waiting for a herd of cows to lead our coach down the single-lane road for several miles.

The day in Wells began with mist but one which made its Cathedral and the Norman-Saxon Church of St Cuthbert even more picturesque. We quickly realized that, with an ever-present brolly, a tourist would never be thwarted by bad weather. We also discovered, once again, that although Wells Cathedral and St Cuthbert’s church were greatly different in size and liturgical styles, they afforded an opportunities to appreciate the long history of Christianity on the Island. Statues of royalty and of saints were found in each one; only the brightness of the images differed.

However, our trip was more than castles and cathedrals, although not quite in agreement with what one traveling American couple related to us once they had joined us in our carriage car. They had inquired about what we enjoyed seeing during our visit to England. When we responded with “castles and cathedrals.” They scoffingly replied if you saw one of each, it was sufficient for the whole trip. When we asked them about their own preferences, we learned they were comparing every Woolworth store they could find throughout England!

We had another very interesting companion join us in another carriage on our way to Cardiff, Wales, where we saw more castles and cathedrals. We first noticed Lucy Irvine through the window of our train as she stood in her fur coat on the station platform. She entered our compartment and asked if she might join us. We immediately agreed and spent an engaging hour listening to her story of accepting an advertisement submitted by a man, Gerald Kingsland, who was seeking a woman to join him as a wife-for-a-year on a deserted island in the South Pacific. Although he was going to write the story of their adventure, she took up the task when he decided not to follow through with the writing. Her book was called Castaway. She asked us about the Johnny Carson show on which she was scheduled to appear; we assured her it was a reputable venue.

Although we saw Cardiff Castle, our most charming experience in Wales was the result of helpful ladies who gave us advice on where to have a bite of lunch. At the Louis Tea House we were served by a small armada of waitresses – with their black dresses and tiny, white aprons keeping them afloat.

Cardiff Castle was for the protection of South Wales; for the North there was Caernarvon Castle, begun by Edward I in 1283. It is near the seacoast but really on the River Seiont. Amazingly it is still completely standing, with watch towers and walls to climb and give panoramic views of Wales and its countryside.

We met few tourists during our visit within Caernarvon; I had the castle almost completely to myself for views and contemplation. I climbed the spiral staircases to reach the summit of the walls six to eight feet thick. The steps were pie-wedges circling through darkness towards the sky with only a central hemp rope to guide the uppings and downings. Knights and archers must have very tiny feet, wide heels and pointy toes. How did they run up and down these tower stairs? With full armor, never would they have fit those narrow enclosures. Only a bright Welsh sun gave light through an occasional slit-aperture illuminating the interior of the ascending passage-well. Even a straight flight of stairs has problems when you leave the darkness for the open sunlight, blindingly bright. But what views! If you are willing to look out. Along the top, narrow walkways without rails. All of it magnificent and somewhat dangerous.

The upper rooms had sufficient windows for archers to protect the fortification from all directions. It was easy to believe I had personally returned to the thirteenth century, with which I had been intrigued for so many years, as I observed the moats and inner courts below me.

Later, I journeyed further back in time to walk across the ruined grounds of the Roman fort of Segnontium. This is, indeed, a land that has needed protection for several millennia. It was worth the long train and bus diversions to get here to the end of Wales and the Prince’s castle. At the end, I was truly castled out.

Sometimes, a mere notation of verbless phrases is all that remains for a passing visit. Early morning mists covered the Cotswold hills and the Wye Valley, seen while on a Badgerline day-tour which had cost 28 £ for a relaxing passage – with brief stops for photo-opportunities. Tintern Abbey, a relic of the Cistercians of Wales, with its quiet green cemeteries and quiet green abbeys … walls to last the ages … glassless eyes open wide … green upon green churches and castles … grey and brown. Moss green and yellow-spotted mold. Sound of rushing waters. Sounds of birds twittering over churchyard tombstones or cawing from abbey ruins … perhaps the sound of Merlin’s children in the Welsh hills. Sounds of rushing traffic through market streets once filled only by calling merchants. Hills upon hills for church and castle … to see the world below and be able to defend life in many styles. Sleeping and nibbling sheep with wool through the centuries. Green-carpeted cloister yards and grass-carpeted naves. Stone hands clasped in reposing prayer into the third millennium. Cirencester, ancient Corinium; parish church of St John the Baptist; Ross-on-Wye (Ross means headland). Parish church of St. Mary the Virgin. Chepstow, which means “marketplace,” with its namesake still practiced. Chepstow Castle, the oldest surviving Roman fortification in Great Britain, merits a quick photo-stop, but not the admittance fee.

On one of our UK journeys we planned to see the Lake District, having heard of its literary and cultural history. This part of England did not live up to our expectations. We had thought that the town of Windermere, on the side of a lake with the same name, would make a central location for day-trips around the lake, itself. As we had done for all of our British tours, we had pre-selected a hotel by using the Mobil Guidebook and telephoning each place for a reservation. Our traveling occurred long before the Internet made scheduling so much easier. However, with both media (print and electronic) not everything can be trusted.

The hotel, identified as being within walking distance of the center of town, was actually a long cab-ride from the train station. We immediately knew that an hour’s walk into town would not be acceptable. Perhaps we could spend time at the hotel, which had billed itself as a kind of English resort. It was not.

The hotel was large enough, and, for the English, it might have been a resort. It was certainly acceptable for the teenagers who had taken it over for their holiday. Their music and other shenanigans were not conducive to a restful night, nor an expectation of a peaceful day in the country. Our room had a magnificent view of the flat-roof of the ballroom and the air-conditioning units for the facility (perhaps the only air-conditioners we ever encountered in Great Britain!) Recognizing that a full day or two spent here would not be merited, we checked the Mobil Guide we carried with us and, having those wonderful Brit-rail passes, we decided to leave Windermere for an unscheduled day in Lancaster, which was only one train-stop away. Early in the morning we took a cab back to the train station and waited there, while watching the snow flurries that had arrived with the dawn.

We put our bags in the left-luggage lockers at the Lancaster train station and found the local TIC, where tourists could search out accommodations for the night. We found an inexpensive hotel close to the station and carried our luggage, so aptly termed, to our place for the day. Actually Lancaster was a pleasant town to visit. It had the usual churches and castles, along with pedestrian-friendly shops.

We thought that with our usual emphasis on Yorkshire, it was very appropriate for us to visit the home of the other side. After all, the Plantagenet family feud between the House of York, with its white rose, and the House of Lancaster, with its red rose, was a significant event in English history. For us, we learned that a trip open to last-minute changes can be quite enjoyable. When we traveled, it was always wise to carry a good guidebook, or two. The current tourist needs only ready access to the Internet to search for the latest accommodation and newest, old-attraction.

U.K.: The North Country:

Then there was York, one of our favorite towns-to-visit. We stayed at a well-placed hotel across the circle from Clifford’s Tower. Of course I had to climb to the top of the old castle with its retaining wall of a height so low that I dared not get too close to the edge. We spent hours in the nearby York Castle Museum with its replicas of nineteenth century English shops and homes. Later we balanced this experience with a ride through underground excavations from the period of the Viking invaders – complete with re-created smells as well as structures. There was also the town-wall to climb for a walk around York to get an overview of what the Vikings had left and the Anglo-Saxons retained. Along the way we met a woman from Wales who presented us with the longest name of any Welsh town: Llanfairpwllgwyngyll. It was easy for her; impossible for us.

York is the town where streets are “gates” and the gates are “bars.” Micklegate Bar is not a place for a pint, but rather the arched gate to what might be called Mickle Street. And High Petergate is another street, not a large archway. The River Ouse, flowing through the town, has banks that are pleasant for quiet walks; it is easy enough to catch sight of single and double manned sculls enjoying an outing among a variety of ducks.

York is, also, the place for bell-ringing heard along every lane but silenced, in some mysterious way, so that peals are not heard within the Minster from which they go forth. Each morning, tower bells sound throughout the town, adding an extra touch to a stroll along its narrow streets from our hotel near the river.

One morning I took an early stroll so I could be engulfed by the bells. Karen remained in the hotel. Another sudden shower appeared; Karen was able to capture on film a wondrous full-arc rainbow passing from York Minster across the medieval landscape to reach its own pot-of-gold. Bells and Bows, essential images of York.

Then there is the Minster, itself, a molded mountain of stone supported by multi-rolled pillars blended together into massive rings vaulting to the man-made heaven above. The usual rood screen became a thick wall impregnated by a row of English kings, from William the Conqueror to Henry VI, separating the clergy from the commoners milling about the nave while a mass is hymned and hidden from view until a climatic chiming of hand bells announces everyone must stop gossiping and pay momentary attention to the miracle taking place at a distance from where they stood.

Along one side of the transcript the giant clock could be seen by a crowd of tourists, either modern or medieval, waiting for the two metallic knights to strike the hour. However, no mere sound awakens the knights and bishops sleeping on or under their monumental tombs. The hubbub is ignored as well by all of the white, ruffled collared men and women praying in the private chapels built for them centuries ago. Many of the side altars are protected from the casual passing tourist by patterned grates with openings large enough to accommodate a camera lens so that a photographer can get a clear view of the multi-colored holy figures protected behind the iron walls.

We climb the narrow steps leading up an interior hill to the Chapter House where the Minister’s brothers met in ages past beneath a vaulted ceiling with the Lamb of God at its apex. They sat in carved indentations under narrow, mile-high windows, their private locations divided by columns topped with paired, carved heads, many of whom enjoyed making strange faces to be seen by the living monks, who could also gaze upon small representations of strange animals – in particular, monkeys – gamboling above them.

It was a most pleasant experience a return to the Cathedral at dusk in order to participate in Evening Prayer with those Anglicans who continued to practice the rites initiated by their Roman brothers centuries ago. The incense smelled as sweet as it has for a thousand years; the music in Latin or English retained the same comfort for those who listened in the semi-darkness and semi-brightness of burning wax candles.

The town of York, although dominated by its Minster, has other amazing places to visit. The Castle Museum, rising up near Clifford’s Tower, provides hours, if desired, of viewing English history of the common folk who lived in Georgian, Victorian and Edwardian times. Household rooms from each era are on exhibit; each with its own clutter of every knickknack held dear by the Brits of the day. Ready comparisons are available for bathroom facilities as well as for iron stoves and ovens. These furnishings are also visible in miniature with an extensive collection of multi-floored dollhouses. Another wing houses replicas of shops where real items are viewed behind small-glass-pane windows. They even sell a few items to modern tourists interested in an old-fashioned souvenir.

Of course the best way to view York is to walk on top of its walls, which encircle the town. Their width varies from a single-file passage to multiple couples walking abreast. The visitor has uninterrupted views of backyard gardens as well as laundry hung out to dry from on more than Mondays. It’s also a short side-trip to view the ruins of St Mary’s abbey, built in 1088. Apparently throughout England it is easier to build around ruins than to cart them away as is the case in the U.S. On this particular excursion we were caught in another shower, one lasting for only a few minutes. Indeed, it is highly advisable to carry a portable umbrella and wear a trench coat all the time. No doubt, this is what makes the grass and shrubbery so green, even in autumn, and the flowers so bountiful throughout the year.

Before leaving York and his monumental structures, we had to pass through the neighborhood called The Shambles with its timber-framed shops and houses close enough so that occupants could shake hands across the street from their second floor windows. The tiny stores were now more than butcher shops as they had been in the fourteenth century. It was adventurous to see what was for on sale for tourists, even if the English had to buy their boar-heads in a different place such as an open-air town market or as enclosed market-hall. (I had encountered my first boar-heads in London in Harrod’s grocery maze.)

Although we have visited York on each of our three vacations in the United Kingdom, it remains among our favorite locations for another exposure, should the time and our condition allow for such a possibility. York is also an excellent center for day-trips to such places as Castle Howard, Fountains Abbey and Studley Royal Estate.

Castle Howard was begun in 1699; it is the movie-location for Brideshead, Evelyn Waugh’s view of life in England. As with every castle, there is no landscaping in front of the structure. It gives the appearance of solid rock rising directly from the earth. It reeks of authority. On the other hand, the gardens hidden (and private) behind the main mountain of stone provide lush plants and wandering peacocks. Here are flowers and fountains, streams and statues (usually Roman or well-established royalty.)

Fountains Abbey consists of ruins with windowless windows and roofless roofs. Solid archways remain with extensions of broken walls. Modern iron rails are used to keep people away from any falling hazards. Grounded flood lights illuminate the ruins at nightfall. On the day we visited, there were school children carrying colored soccer balls over their heads to represent the planets revolving around a boy with his golden globe raised above his blond haired head. Ancient sites are ideal for modern astronomy.

Studley Royal Estate lies nearby, with its lakes and wrestling statues along with a folly or two; and a deer park for fawns, does and a lonely stag. There is also a sign to beware of “free range children” playing along the road.

To the southwest from York, across the Island, is Chester on the River Dee. Once a true Roman fort (castra) without any embellishment of name, such as Eastchester, Westchester, Leicester, Worcester, Dorchester, etc. This Chester comes with the usual black and white Tudor shops. We stayed at Blossom Hotel protected by statue of a medieval knight, representing still another age in the city’s history.

We enjoy the views from the ever-present medieval walls, making a circumference around the city. Modern buildings seem to out-number the old, perhaps from postwar construction. A major attraction in the center of the town is the black, red and gold Eastgate Town Clock, constructed in 1897 for Victoria’s Diamond Jubilee. A street performer, a fire-stick juggler, entertains pedestrian tourists, most of whom ignore him.

The Chester Museum, like the one in York, exhibits models of English homes through the ages. It is good to leave the confines of another, albeit interesting, museum for a stroll through Grosvenor Park with formal plantings and lawns that provide a sunny place to sit on a bench and meditate. At its edge we spy an ancient small castle with laundry hanging in the backyard. We pass the ruins of the Church of St John and enter its replacement where a touring choir is performing.

Most of the streets are closed to traffic but are crowded edge to edge with shoppers. St Peter and Paul cathedral replace Stanta Werburgh whose banner has her holding a bishop’s staff next to her tomb. She was probably an abbess rather than clergy, per se. In a nave, we discover a labyrinth made of tall white candles on black iron sticks; Karen walks the route in quiet meditation. Fortunately the candles are not burning; the path would have been extremely hot otherwise. We also find a Cloister courtyard with statue of Christ and the woman at the well. They are joined at their feet to form a circular structure with them face to face …. depicting the waters of eternal life in the bowl they hold between them.

Across the moors to Inverness in Scotland. Although we would like to have traveled further north, this was to be the closest we would ever come to the North Pole. The major site to see was the tide flowing into the Moray Firth on its way to Loch Ness. We never saw a real sea monster in all of our travels; but I have recollections of a fake one on some lake in Italy!

In Inverness we ordered a worthwhile remembrance of our visit to Great Britain. Karen chose a kilt made from the Colquhoun tartan, of which her Scots-Irish ancestors would approve. As for me, I bought a tie with the lighter, fighting plaid; her kilt was of the darker, dress tartan in deep greens and blues with dashes of red. She also found a clan badge with its antlered stag and motto: “si je puis” – “if I can.” We agreed: she could!

Finally, we headed south. Our hotel in Edinburgh was combined with a large department store located across from Princess Park with its canopied memorial to Bobby Burns. Through the oversized windows in our room we had magnificent views of the City from the Castle to Holyrood Palace with its lion- and unicorn-guarded gates. We visited both of these locations and several others over the next few days.

The Seven Hills of the Athens of the North (and, yes, it is Rome that is known for its seven hills!) share their castles, monuments and ruins. One of them holds the remains of Arthur’s Seat. How the legendary king from southern Camelot ever sat this far north, I’m not sure. Nevertheless, an ancient, inactive volcano desires a noble nomenclature. We were young enough at the time to make the walk from Edinburgh Castle along Princess Street to the monuments on Calton Hill and over to Holyrood Palace. It is great that we began our worldwide travels when we were in our fifties!

St Gile’s Cathedral, displaying the Presbyterian founder, John Knox, was worth a visit; but it was in the Catholic cathedral of St Mary’s, where we attended mass, that we learned firsthand about the reputed values of being a Scot At the end of the liturgy, as the bishop processed out of the Cathedral, the lights were turned off, aisle by aisle, as he marched up the nave. On the other hand, the lights found in my memories continue to burn ever so brightly.

U.K.: The Southern Coast:

On our third visit to the UK, we avoided London as a place to stay. We took a train directly from Gatwick to Brighton, a seaside resort town on the southern coast. There are as many green-ribbon tunnels from Gatwick to Brighton as there are from the airport to London. And chimney pots and pocket gardens, as well, along the way. We stayed at a place with the non-British name of “The Twenty-One Hotel.” However, it was located at 21 Charlotte Street, within walking distance from the beach. Our Teutonic host had a kosher beard but no yarmulke, although his wife dressed more Iranian when she cooks.

A political party was scheduled to meet in Brighton, but no politicians were in sight on an empty beach early in the morning. The typically British beach had tons of pebbled rocks but no sand to comfort bare feet. Its ticky-tacky boardwalk cum amusement park was called Palace Pier. By now it was lunchtime for fish and chips (with or without mushy peas). As I once began an English vacation with a twisted knee at the British Museum, I now bite down too hard and chipped a tooth!. I do start my travels with strange handicaps. Around us, Americanization continued with venues showing virtual-action contraptions at impossible decibels next to “American Donuts” – along with the ubiquitous “Big Mac” attacking everyone who doesn’t consume the donuts.

It was a short hike to the Royal Pavilion, a fair-provided structure made to resemble an Indian/Persian fantasy outside, with Chinese dragons inside, of all colors, sizes and shapes. The buildings were fashioned like spirals of up-side-down ice-cream cones balanced on a wedding cake. English girls and boys march by as living history dressed in the clothes of chambermaids, cooks, and livery boys. They were on their way to a day of enactment at Preston Manor, a local historical site, where they received a remuneration of 12 £ per year, 28 £ for livery staff. However, they had to buy their own uniforms when employed at Preston Manor.

The following day, on a day-trip train from Brighten to Rye and Eastbourne, we met a Canadian watercolorist and British re-constructionist working on stone masonry in Spain. In Rye we saw our usual parish churches and castle keep. One church had a wall sundial, with flowers hanging down or growing up in all shades of reds, yellows, and golds. We thought that their bell-ringers must be thin to transit the passageway to the bell-pull room near the top of the tower.

Rye had the usual cobblestone streets lined with Tudor-wooded shops. We tried to find one selling scarves, since Karen now had the “hobby” of buying them as souvenirs of our travels; but Rye’s shops were scarf-less. We made a quick pass by the pastry shop of Simon the Pieman. We saw the Mermaid Inn and the “House Opposite to Mermaid Inn.” The Brits like to name places prosaically. While cars were parked along the streets, none moved, allowing pedestrians freedom to patrol the pavement unhindered as they passed from shop to shop.

It was a short cab-ride to Eastbourne and our walks by the sea to white cliffs. Which are older? The cliffs or the couples on holiday, tottering along on riding-chairs. Then, there is the Ditto railroad. But without the rails, what kind of a train can it really be? In Eastbourne no one seems to eat out, or at least the lack of restaurants would so indicate.

A semi-deserted Eastbourne terminal and many qued in Bristol for late cabs. Surely the multi-pierced, young man with blue and white feathers festooning his Mohawk cut is not a member of the new labor government which is holding its “conference,” i.e. convention, in Brighton this weekend. We used our Brit-rail passes for the return to our home-base.

In Southern England we quickly learned how to read Brit-rail timetables. There was a 9:00 (A.M.) train leaving Brighton which, with one stop in Fareham, arrived in Winchester at 10:47 (A.M.). If we would return on the 16:41 (4:41 pm) from Winchester we would arrive back in Brighton at 18:10, giving us plenty of time to roam Winchester and eat dinner on home ground. It was said that the British trains always ran on schedule, if you knew how to find the correct schedule for the itinerary you wanted.

The first sites to see in Winchester were the usual ruins in various stages of collapse or repair: the Ruins of Wolvesey Castle and the Old Bishop’s Palace. We saw their skulled walls with many eye-socket windows staring down upon us as we strolled by. Our first goal was to arrive at Winchester Cathedral. Instead we joined early elders having a cuppa at the United Church coffee house. We also listened to the Mad woman of Winchester, preaching about the temporarily closed Cathedral: “What a nuisance, holding a service at the Cathedral and delaying tourists their due viewing of the attraction.”

We decided the time could be well spent taking the Meadow walk beside the River Itchen, a narrow stream more than a river. We passed by another ruin or functional site, perhaps both: St. Cross Hospital. Much better to enjoy a quiet tromp across hazed water-meadows with songs of unknown birds, certainly not the ducks nor swans. In contrast to the incensed interior of a high-Anglican cathedral, we could smell the earthen damp of the water meadow.

Along the path, we met a Trojan horse, actually a pony, who readily approached us as we walked up to the wire-fence separating him from our path. Karen easily stroked his head. Perhaps he thought her action was insufficient. As she turned away, he nipped her shoulder in lieu of any proffered apple. We completed our stroll and returned to Winchester Cathedral.

Once more we were greeted by oversized, Gothic shelves with statues of kings, bishops and saints. Stacked vertically and horizontally like books waiting to be opened, but usually ignored. Cardinal Beaufort rested in his chapel and Bishop Langton lay next door. Bishop Wilberforce had his own memorial born aloft by six angels. We came upon another bronze statue, neither a saint nor bishop, but a rubber-suited, deep-sea diver, William Walker, who in 1905 helped drain the flooded foundations erected in the Twelfth century.

We came upon Jane Austin’s black tomb with its yellow asters. Nearby was the resting place of Isaac Walton, known for fishing mankind’s foibles. There was St Swithin’s tented shrine, without rain but with a few clouds. We missed Alfred the Great but did spy Arthur’s table mounted on the wall of the Great Hall with Henry III. This pie-wedge Round Table was not from Camelot, but was merely a fourteenth century tourist attraction, now protected by another blackened-bronze statue of rotund Queen Victoria.

Our return train did arrive in Brighton in time for us to enjoy spaghetti carbonara at Al Duomo restaurant, for 28.80 £. It was almost as good as the gael-potato consumed at lunch in a Winchester take-away for 10 £ along with two cappuccinos at one-pound each. When in England, it continued to be more satisfying to dine Italian and snack British.

On the train to Salisbury (Old Sarum), we engaged in a pleasant conversation with a former AMC movie businessman who says it’s hard to shift the Brits from sticky-sweet popcorn to butter and salt. To which I added, it might be even more difficult to get them to add spice to the sausage.

Upon arrival we had planned to walk from the train station, which is always in the center of the town, to the magnificent Salisbury Cathedral. In this instance it was not a short stroll but rather a long, long walk around the outside of the walls protecting the cathedral from invaders.

We found that the Cloisters were a quiet place to rest and meditate before viewing the interior of the cathedral. Once more I pondered: Why do noblemen have effigies with their feet resting on small dogs as they lie in solemn state for the centuries? Can they really find rest in full armor? And why did master carvers spend so much time on angelic and ecclesiastic details for work seen only by God? Certainly choir clerics without zoom lenses would not see them, especially in candlelight.

In Salisbury Cathedral there was even a Clerical section guarded by an orchestra of angels playing medieval horns and stringed instruments. Except for the soaring rood screen dividing clergy from commoners, this Cathedral was not unlike all the other Gothic structures we had visited in England. Perhaps that American couple on the train had been correct: once you’ve seen one Castle or Cathedral you’ve seen them all! On the other hand, we did spy, from the returning train, a white chalk horse outlined on a green hillside. Perhaps, if you’ve seen one ancient depiction, you’ve seen them all!

As York was a good focus-city for day-trips to surrounding Yorkshire sights of the North, London makes a hub for visits to several nearby attractions, for both the common and the cultured. On the two trips in which London served as our base, we traveled by Brit-rail to Canterbury and Windsor.

Reality and history merge in strange ways. It is so hard to accept that real people, not actors, walked towns and fields we saw at the end of the third Millennium. The churches where they prayed still stand much as they did centuries ago. Now few visitors knell; most of them gaze with craned neck to view the high-placed carvings and vaulted ribbed-ceilings. But perhaps those who preceded us were also tourists, come to marvel at the then-new styles of architecture where divinity dwelt.

It was in Canterbury, with it’s Edwardian tombs, beginning with the Confessor, himself, that I began to gain a sense that this was a religious site rather than a place for political memorials. Even with modern crowds, the church was quiet, not silent, but engaged with the sound of murmurings of tourists and their ever-present guides. There may not have been a need for there to be a plaque marking the spot where Thomas a-Becket was martyred; but there is some excitement in knowing that the murderous deed occurred on these very steps.

Although the Cathedral, itself, held mysteries and memories of ancient saints who once knelt there, the surrounding grounds held their own specialness. There were warm gardens with late-blooming roses surrounding benches placed there for thoughtful conversations or prayerful meditations. The ruins of the abbey of St Augustine of Canterbury, not of Hippo, were there to prompt other recollections of past ages. Was he, himself, really buried somewhere nearby? Although a site can bear a marker stating this is his tomb, a skeptic may still wonder about its veracity. Relic-sellers, ages ago, made not dissimilar claims to pilgrims with unfulfilled desires and needs for cures. Perhaps there is some merit in seeing the effigies of those pilgrims created by Chaucer centuries ago as they now are spread throughout the lanes of modern Canterbury.

For a more “modern” age, one only a few centuries after the time of Chaucer, there is a visit to Windsor and its royal Castle, which is still in use. After a short walk from the train station, the visitor comes upon the obligatory effigy of Queen Victoria with orb and scepter protecting the grounds and realm for which they stand. The thick walls are interrupted with round towers on the march towards the entrance to the multiple courtyards they conceal.

Once inside the stone fortress, the gold-hued stones of the palaces and chapels compete with the wooden barracks, hidden elsewhere. The Chapel of St. George has its unique merit as the site for royal events of the present as well as of the past. The entire location looks like a movie-set. Disney created one with white towers and moats; this one is much more realistic!

Leaving Windsor Castle, the modern tourist has the opportunity to wander through the town and cross the bridge to see Eton Boys’ School, the home of well-born British males over the years. A few can still be seen as they do their casual shopping in the town. One or two might even stop at the shop selling men’s fine toiletries. We, ourselves, did not go in; but it was amusing to look at the window display of gentlemanly equipment.

What remain as major recollections of our time in the United Kingdom? While there are many physical sites and sights, perhaps the Brits, themselves, are a true measure of the Island. I’ve already mentioned some of them as we met them throughout our travels. There are others worth a comment. Actually, not all of them were English.

The first one was Jane, a Canadian artist – although not always one. She had been a tenured associate professor in Vancouver who taught French, Spanish and Italian but was sacked when she refused to learn and teach Chinese! She took up watercolors then and has become, in her view, a semi-successful, internationally acclaimed artist. She was returning from Tuscany where she was to have taught a week-long course, but no one showed up. She wanted us to take part next year.

We met her on a day-trip from Brighton to Winchester. That evening we followed her on a journey to find a French restaurant in Brighton, an impossible task on a Friday night. She took inordinate amounts of time at each venue trying to convince headwaiters that there must be a table available. We finally waited at an Italian restaurant for an hour before having a fairly good meal. She was a most needful companion – trying to convince us, if not herself, how she was recognized for her work as evidenced by both French and Italian prizes. However, Margie, Karen’s aunt, is a better artist. Yes, Jane did show us photos of her works and gave us a poster before departing.

The most jubilant person we met was a thirty-six year old man who was on his way from Chester to Penzance to meet his biological mother, about whom his newly-discovered biological sister had informed him. He could scarcely stop telling us how happy, excited and thrilled he was to meet his mother for the first time. Yet he was apprehensive about the two weeks he was to spend in Penzance. He almost didn’t make it, being on the wrong track in Chester!

However, for personal history recitation, few would top the seventy-plus gentleman returning from Chester to York after attending his 45th or so reunion of his WW II regiment. We met him as we waited at Newton le Willows for a connection. He gave us his view of the war years, having been a prisoner of war in Germany before being assigned to guard such prisoners back in England. According to the Geneva Convention he had been released because the doctors thought he was dying. He was saddened that this fifty-year-old son had died last Easter, from colitis, only three days after their working together in the garden. He, himself, was a retired porter at an English agricultural college in York.

Yorkshire men seem to be very talkative, once started. Another one was a physician, actually a surgeon, an ophthalmologist, in fact, on his way from York to London for a meeting. He had book-reviews to complete on the train, but was very willing to converse in the meantime about comparisons between England and the U.S. on a variety of crime and medical professional topics. He had once been a student who heard DeBakey many years ago. He was a typical English physician-type: long and lean, with glasses and a bemused look.

Then there was the Yorkshire couple who were re-visiting Windsor after some forty-plus years. We met them briefly on the way to Windsor and happened to leave the town at the same time, as well. A very lively pair: he with a broad leprechaun smile, and she a pleasant opinionated matron, although more in the line of Edith Bunker than cousin Maude. Certainly not a Hyacinth. (Our pleasant conversation almost caused us to miss getting off the train at Clampton Junction. But he did manage to pry the doors open so we could get off!) The wife probably would have been troubled by the two young Jamaican men we shared a carriage with from Clampton Junction to East Croyden. They worked as professionals in London and looked forward to the weekend, as they munched on their take-aways from MacDonalds.

And yes, take-away memories may be munched upon even longer than those available from a fast-food service. Memories are food for slow digestion.