In the words of the prophet Isaiah that we heard in today’s first reading God says to the people of Israel: “… you shall be called ‘my delight,’ and your land ‘espoused’. For the Lord delights in you and makes your land his spouse.” This passage leads me to ask a question you need not answer out loud. The question is this: What nick name do you have for your spouse, or if you’re not married, for the one you love?
In case you’re interested and want to use it, the Hebrew word for “my delight” is Hepzibah. And the word for “espoused” or “married” is Beulah, a good old-fashioned name that few would dare use today. And if you’re wondering what nick name I call my wife, I’m not going to tell you. You may have to ask one of our three children or perhaps my wife, whose name in case you don’t know it, is Karen.
For those of you who may be new to the parish and confused about how I have a wife, three children and seven grandchildren, you need to know that I’m a Permanent Deacon and not a priest; and that I’ve been married to Karen for almost forty-three years. Although a few people call me “Father,” instead of “Deacon” Pat, the only ones who really call me that are our daughter and two sons. Of course they also refer to me in other ways but I won’t go into that either.
Now if you’re wondering why I’m making a point of my marital status, it’s because of today’s gospel reading about the wedding feast at Cana. This is a passage which many engaged couples choose to have read at their own wedding celebrations. It’s a very appropriate reading, since it deals not only with a wedding but, even more importantly, with a miracle of change.
At first, you may think this miracle of change involves only the change of water into wine: the first miracle performed by Jesus in his ministry. But there is another change represented by the water turned into wine. This second miracle is the transformation of two people into one couple. Just as ordinary water becomes extra-ordinary wine, an ordinary man and an ordinary woman can become an extra-ordinary couple.
This change results in a new union: a togetherness of a couple who still remain two separate persons but now are joined into a partnership of husband and wife: a partnership in which each one must continue to grow yet in a manner conducive to mutual growth, mutual benefit.
The sacrament of Matrimony is often said to be a sign of the Covenant of God with God’s people, of Christ the bridegroom with his spouse, the church. For just as God has made an unbreakable agreement with all of us, so a man and a woman in their marriage covenant make an unbreakable agreement among themselves and their God.
However, the sacrament of Matrimony is a unique sacrament, one that is very different from, say, Baptism or Confirmation. In Baptism the normal minister is the priest or deacon who pours the water and says the words: “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” A bishop is the normal minister for Confirmation. A priest is the normal minister for the Eucharist.
However, the ministers of the sacrament of Matrimony are the husband and wife, themselves. By speaking their vows, their promises to one another, the husband conveys this sacrament upon his wife; and the wife upon her husband. The priest or deacon is a minister of the church who witnesses this exchange. All the friends and relatives gathered together as a community participate as witnesses of this sacrament . which is, as all sacraments are, a community event and an on-going process in which God’s special graces are offered.
No, the sacrament of Marriage does not end with the wedding ceremony. It is a continuing sacrament and, as with all sacraments, it offers its own graces, its own gifts of God’s life within us. There are many graces each one of us can call upon within the sacrament of Marriage. I personally believe that one of the major graces is that of “forgiveness.” I believe a special gift, offered by God to each spouse, is the gift of a continuing reconciliation that heals the hurts encountered in the process of two people mutually growing together. For if reconciliation is not obtained, the result is a divorce for what are called “irreconcilable differences.” But with the gifts of forgiveness and reconciliation with one another, and with God, all things become possible.
However, if I am the only one to speak about this sacrament of Matrimony, you would be missing another very important view. And so it’s now time for you to hear from the person who shares with me the gifts God has given us: my delight called Karen.
[Karen continues] Pat has already mentioned that marriage is a sacrament between two people and God. I want to talk about marriage as a covenant and not merely a contract.
Contracts are based on inequality. If one party fails, the other forecloses. There is little room for forgiveness. Some marriages are indeed contracts; and contracts can be broken. Divorce happens even when couples try to hold the contract together. Divorce is sad, but in and of itself, divorce is not sinful.
In a covenant relationship love and forgiveness are ongoing. Marriage becomes, not a 50-50, but a 100-100 percent relationship. In tough times, one person’s 100 percent has to be enough to keep two imperfect people together until healing and forgiveness are possible. Of course, God, who is the third party in the covenant, helps to reconcile the couple.
If you remember, when the flood was over in the Book of Genesis, God sent a rainbow to Noah and his family as a sign of the covenant between God and human beings. Well, our marriage has a sign too. There are many, of course. We have wedding rings, photographs, memories and children as signs of our covenant. But the sign that I want to show you today is this. (Show the can!).
This is a can which once held corned beef hash. When we married, I moved into Pat’s apartment, and this can of hash was in the pantry. I didn’t, and don’t, like canned hash, and so when we moved a few months later, it was still there. We were too poor, and I was too thrifty to throw it away, so it moved with us. We lived in four apartments in Ithaca, New York, and each time the hash went with us. We crossed the country over the years – from New York to New Hampshire – to Oregon – to Maryland – to Massachusetts and finally here to Houston.
The can grew suspiciously domed and rusty and so the contents were removed long ago but the can moves with us still. it symbolizes the years of economic hardship, the joys of childbirth, the struggles and forgiveness, the hope: the journey. It has been transformed from a humble can of hash to a symbol of our covenant and I wouldn’t dream of moving without it.
Finally, I have a question for you about today’s gospel reading. Why on earth did Jesus make so much wine? Scripture tells us the quantity in the stone jars was between 120 and 180 gallons. Surely it was a waste of fine wine. Or was it? For me, the reason is this. Jesus did more than transform water into wine. At the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee, Jesus transformed a wedding toast into a lifetime of grace to be drawn upon. The grace given to us in our sacrament of Marriage is unending. It allows us to drink deeply of God’s love for us as a couple.
So, you engaged couples out there, prepare to find an abundance of wine at your wedding; much more than you have ordered from your caterer. For you married couples, please don’t forget the endless grace that can be drawn upon; especially in the difficult times in your lives together; and there will be difficult times. And for you who are divorced, widowed or separated; or those who have responded to a vocation which calls for celibacy; or for those who never marry for one reason or another, remember there are graces in abundance in all the sacraments: stone jars of wine which invite you to celebrate God’s love for you, an endless supply of goodness.
The two closest and most beautiful relationships I have in my life are with God and with Pat. Sometimes I feel closer to one than to the other; but when I allow God’s grace to fill me, I can celebrate each day of my life in the knowledge that I am truly loved.
[Pat continues] Yes, the sacrament of Matrimony offers many graces to the couple joined in a covenant with God. It also offers God’s life and love to all who come in contact with this sacrament. In our second reading from Saint Paul, we heard about many different spiritual gifts given by the one spirit for the building up of the community.
At the conclusion of today’s gospel reading, John the Evangelist says: “Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs at Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him.” In a similar manner, as a sign of their covenant, as a sign of your covenant, as a sign of their sacramental union, each couple is to reveal the glory of God to their friends, to their family, especially their children, to their co-workers and to the rest of society. Each one of us may have a special nickname for our spouse, but the name we all must carry is that of “Christian,” one who reveals the glory of God and the love of Christ to others.
Second Sunday of Ordinary Time; January 14, 2001
Is 62:1-5; 1 Cor 2:4-11; Jn 2:1-11