It was, according to my journal, Friday, April 29; my pledging of DU had now been completed. I could go into the Chapter Room without anyone’s permission. I had, however, not yet stepped on the seal in the entrance hall. Thinking back, at the time, the previous twelve weeks had been the happiest ones of my life. Yet, the best were still to come. I now had 50 brothers – 50 terrific guys whom I wished were really my brothers.
I dated more and had more “adventures” that quarter than I ever had before. That was important to me, having lacked a real social life in the past. However, more important, I felt I actually belonged somewhere, for the first time.
A later event, for instance, was a vivid example of this for me. I had been looking for transportation into Akron to rent a tux for an upcoming formal. I had no way to get there, so Dick Laird, who had no personal reason to go, drove me into the city. That meant a lot to me; it was my omen for a good future. On the drive, he said that all the brothers liked me, and I had nothing to worry about. I hoped so. I wanted two, happy years in Delta U. And I did.
This memory, however, has now become a bittersweet one. Laird and I had gotten to know each other very well during the following summer when we lived in the House, together, while taking additional classes. However, shortly after we graduated, he died suddenly; he was the first of my closest friends to die, since the days of Jimmy Rossi when I was five years old.
On Saturday after the pledge period had ended, my plan had been to go to the House that morning to work without any need being required for my action. But when I had the opportunity to sleep, I slept. I went down late. No one was around except for Ken Kalish; we had an opportunity for a long conversation.
I had found that Ken was a difficult person to understand. He was subject to moodiness, even more so than I was at the time. Maybe this was one of the reasons I liked him and wanted to get to know him better; he seemed a lot like me. With most people whom I met, I usually accepted or rejected them immediately. However, with Ken it was entirely neutral. But while pledging with him, I found someone whom I would like to have as my best friend, perhaps a replacement for George Davies or Bob Wick from my high school days. Whether he felt the same, I didn’t know. He appeared to be sufficient unto himself. Except for Mike McNally and Dave Imrie, I don’t think he had any close friends. Perhaps even Mike and Dave weren’t all that close. Anyway, at the time, I wrote in my journal that I would keep looking for my “fidus Aecates.” As it turned out, I did find him in Ken.
A couple of years later, when I was about to be married, I asked him to be my best-man. He quickly accepted, even if it could have been a difficult choice for him. Karen and I were to be married in the Congregational church in Sandusky, Ohio. Our wedding would result in my “excommunication” from the Catholic church, the church in which I had been a member all of my life, even though at the time, I considered myself to be a “lapsed Catholic.” Kalish, too, was Roman Catholic and probably should not have been my witness for a non-Catholic marriage. Yet, he agreed and was the only friend to attend the wedding.
He, himself, never married and over the years we have not seen one another, except at a DU reunion or two. Christmas cards, with a short note from him, have been the only confirmation our friendship has continued to exist for the past sixty-some years. My son was named Kenneth Andrew, in acknowledgment of that friendship.
Sunday, May 1 marked the formal beginning of my new life as a fraternity man. I was activated into Delta Upsilon Fraternity at 2:00 p.m. in the Trinity Lutheran Church. The vows were dim, even shortly after their original recitation, but the feeling has persisted. The moment was climatic when Dick Owen, my big brother, dropped the blue and gold ribbon with the ΔΥ pin over my shoulders. And then the welcome by the brothers. My hand ached from the handshakes, but it was a pleasant ache. Big sister, Lucy Fell, congratulated me with a kiss. A reception was held at the House; then a dinner at Rocky’s.
When I wrote these lines in my journal, the time seemed appropriate for me to comment on why I wanted so much to join a fraternity, and, in particular, Delta U. For the past years, I had been searching for something – for what, I did not exactly know. In general, it was, I believed, a feeling of belonging, of being an integrated part of a special community. I believed that joining a fraternity, a specific brotherhood, would be the solution, but even then, I was not sure this could ever really become true. I had been a loner for so long, for all of my life, really.
When I had my first chance over a year ago, why did I not join a group who accepted me immediately? Why wait a year for DU? It was the guys in it. I had considered them outstanding in personality and talent. I wanted to be with those who would challenge me as well as accept me, to be among the “best.” At activation, I believed I had gained what I had wanted during all of the missed years.
On Monday night, I attended my first meeting of the active chapter and was immediately exposed to the alternative. The main discussion centered around one of the active brothers who had submitted a letter saying he wanted to dissolve his membership in DU. He claimed he had gotten nothing but beer from the fraternity. And he didn’t like beer. He maintained the brothers were not friendly enough to him. He was not a brother to them. At the moment, I hoped this would not be prophetic for me; that the event would not be an ominous one.
In the circle of the brothers which always completed the meeting, we joined hands, right hand over left; with the lights out and with strong, warm voices we sang: “Hail Delta Upsilon.” The words included the phrase: “brotherhood glorious.” At the time I felt this was most certainly true. I still believe that it is.